Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
- Start date
- Status
To be honest, I'd rather not give advice if you're trying to get with a girl who is in a relationship.
It seems you've changed your avatar a few times lately. I usually recognize people when I'm skimming by their avatars...you're throwing me off! I like the way you put this, I agree with it more than the way OrangeGray Blue put it...
Arrogance is not just listing good qualities about yourself. It's another level of knowing what you can do, and sometimes even have the balls to do it if you're not quite sure. Confidence can be just a change in how you think, but arrogance has to be earned. For example, I was recently with a quality lady and when things started getting heavy on the couch, I felt like it was time to sit up and take off my shirt (I was mounted on top of her while me were making out). I had the confidence to make that move. After I did, she just looked at me, ran her hands up my chest and said, "Umm...can I just look at you...?" She really did just look me up and down like a piece of delicious meat or something. After a few moments we got back into business, but believe me, I felt arrogant after that.
Bay Maximus
Banned
I really don't like how some women (don't know if men do this or not) will put that they just want to 'date casually', and reiterate the point when you're out, and things are going well for a few dates then BAM! they remove the smokescreen and they actually do want to date long-term, exclusively with the intent of marriage down the road. And of course I'm the jerk in the end. I don't just want sex, I'm just not looking for marriage right now and I'm very open about this. /rant
hawkshockey11
Banned
18 (commuted first year), American college. I had a taste of young love and sex and I want more.
Have some self-respect. She's giving you the run-around. If she wanted to see you, she wouldn't be giving you fairy tale excuses about protecting some guy she's seeing from an assumed jealous twitch. She'd say, "I really like Detox and I don't care what Guy X thinks. If he gets jealous then I'm just gonna ditch him completely for Detox because Detox isn't the jealous type."
Onto The Next One™
You're so desperate to hold onto this one but you never had her to begin with, from the sounds of it. Sorry to break it to you, Detox.
You're not going to like this, but you're doing exactly what you need to continue being the objects of ridicule. When I say work, you have much work to do dispellin the illusions that exist within you regarding dating, exeternal validation, and bitterness. You've assembled this script for yourself as the sad man, the bad man, the lonely man, the angry young man, however the tighter you hold on to these scripts, the more they continue to hurt and isolate you. I would recommend therapy, which is somethin I would recommend for quite a few posters in this thread.
Vermillion
Banned
Which reminds me - I said a while back how it feels awkward when all of the people in the group you hung out with in high school have lost their virginity? Yeah, well they also lasted for about 30 minutes. Expectations and shit...
Fuck this, being single in Texas SUCKS. Seriously, just looking at the dating sites, most of women are either ugly, religious (and serious about it, meaning they wouldn't touch me with a 10-foot pole since I'm an Atheist most likely), smoke (something I absolutely cannot stand), or have kids already. The rest in general (not necessarily on dating sites) are taken. The other tiny percent flake out on me.
Are my standards too fucking high here?! Should I start being delusional and religious or something?!
Are my standards too fucking high here?! Should I start being delusional and religious or something?!
Heh, I put no smoking or drinking and get like three people only on a search.
I left drinking as "don't care", but basically it ends up something like this. Do they smoke? No? They they're hardcore Christian. Are they hardcore Christian? No, then they smoke.
I have a sinking feeling that you're depending too heavily on these websites if you're stressing about them. You're not paying anything for them and they're meant to be a supplement to real, live dating -- not a replacement.
People have flaked on you in the past, but that all changes if someone doesn't and you end up having a good time. Stay positive, don't be outcome-dependent, and just have fun with it.
I honestly didn't expect much out of them in the first place, but they are honestly giving me a snapshot of how screwed I truly am here.
You sound like a hopeful indivdual. What do you even want to date?
I tried to be hopeful before, that didn't work.
Hylian had a bad breakup with a girl who ultimately dumped him because of her religion. Religion doesn't always matter man, you just have to discuss it early in the relationship to see if it will cause any major disagreements. My girlfriend accepts the fact that I'm agnostic and I accept that she's Catholic, if we couldn't reconcile on this... then we would probably breakup, which is what unfortunately happened in your case.
This isn't even touching on the fact that some people are way more into their religion and strict rules than others.
This isn't even touching on the fact that some people are way more into their religion and strict rules than others.
IamMattFox
Member
There are a ton of great women in Texas, my man.
I think you're just stressed your date ditched. It's just another day, you have to keep looking. It's a hard life, but nothing in life ever comes easy.
My ex "accepted" that I was an Atheist for about a year, and look what happened. I'm not doing that shit again.
I know, they're all in relationships.
agreed. Raised in Austin, no shortage of awesome girls
Yeah, they are in the reality that you've created for yourself. Until you change your perception in some what or for some reason, you're going to keep defeating yourself with these assumptions.
"They're all in relationships," is a safe excuse someone uses when they want to stop asking women out. "I shouldn't bother because she's probably 100% most likely certainly in a relationship."
"Shouldn't" is an excuse to keep you in your comfort zone. If that comfort zone isn't getting you the results you want, you need to keep going (and face a little bit of discomfort) until you do see results. If that means relocating out of Texas to make things easier, then try to focus on that as your long-term goal rather than meeting women in the short-term -- especially in an environment that you've expressly branded as a twilight zone of non-single women.
I 'failed' for about 6 months in a row before I even got to where I am now. But actually I was learning all the way. Why give up hope because you tried once and 'failed'. You HAVE to do it over and over and over. There's probably a couple people in the world, and all of them hot girls, who ever tried once and succeeded.
You had a relationship before? Wow. I've never been in one, I'm older than you, so why am I confident that I'll find lots of girls I really like and who like me?
You've gone that far and you still think that's the one success you'll ever have?
To be fair, it started back in high school, and it was because she came onto me via instant message (yeah, back when AIM was still considered cool). She was also crazy and depressed at the time and still is now.
lawlohwhat
Banned
I teach a climbing class at my university and it's a great atmosphere to meet all kinds of people. Pretty much everyone is a beginner, so there's no pressure on anyone to perform well, and since it's an adrenaline fueled and fun activity everyone is pretty upbeat. Class is ending next week and student-teacher ethics will no longer apply, so I asked out a very cute girl who had impressed me on the first day by jokingly talking some shit when I flubbed a knot tying explanation. She excitedly said yes. So much so that it took me by surprise. We're hanging out this weekend.
Just a reminder to everyone that even if you've got your eye on someone who doesn't show a lot of outward signs of interest, they might just be shy or think you aren't interested. You have nothing to lose by approaching someone! It's important to consistently remind yourself to forget your ego and go for it.
Also, climbing is awesome and I strongly endorse trying it.
inb4 stealth brag, etc.
Edit - to the above conversation: thinking that everyone worth your time is in a relationship is a dangerously limiting belief!
Just a reminder to everyone that even if you've got your eye on someone who doesn't show a lot of outward signs of interest, they might just be shy or think you aren't interested. You have nothing to lose by approaching someone! It's important to consistently remind yourself to forget your ego and go for it.
Also, climbing is awesome and I strongly endorse trying it.
inb4 stealth brag, etc.
Edit - to the above conversation: thinking that everyone worth your time is in a relationship is a dangerously limiting belief!
rapid32.5
Member
How long do you wait for response to know if she's interested? I'm asking for myself, I don't like playing games and put up fake lines, not my style. I will just move to the next girl, I'm not gonna beg for the numbers.
i'd give it a max of one week.
Indeed.
Haven't gotten to that yet. We get along quite well.
First, she told me of this fear that she has about us having clashing viewpoints, then I discover her dad's a pastor and that her family is quite religious. We recently had a quick little chat about evolution. She has a creationist point of view and agrees with natural selection and all, but doesn't "agree with the fossil record" due to a "catastrophic flood" possibly mixing up the layers (wut), and questions the accuracy of carbon dating (and has no knowledge of other methods of radiometric dating).
Atramental
Banned
Forget carbon dating.
Talk about how we can see stars that are millions of light years away.
That's what destroyed my belief in young earth creationism.
Talk about how we can see stars that are millions of light years away.
That's what destroyed my belief in young earth creationism.
Atramental
Banned
Someone should make an atheist/agnostic/free thinker dating website.
edit: Oh wait. Is this it? http://www.freethinkermatch.com/
edit2: lol look at those stats:
Members in Last Week: 47
Total Male Members: 12252
Total Female Members: 3643
Pictures in Last Week: 15
Members online: 4
edit: Oh wait. Is this it? http://www.freethinkermatch.com/
edit2: lol look at those stats:
Members in Last Week: 47
Total Male Members: 12252
Total Female Members: 3643
Pictures in Last Week: 15
Members online: 4
If only the idea would actually be profitable. :/ It would just end up like HowAboutWe.com (There are literally only five people within 25 miles of me on that site, and I've seen people claim OKCupid was the "hipster" site).
FUCK. EVERYTHING.
Edit: For shits and giggles I used the search at the top for women age 20-25, that have photos. It got me a million results with no photos, and a grand total of 2 in Texas, and they aren't anywhere near me.
Another lol: The site was last updated in 2009....
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
You should message them with "How serious is serious?"
Atramental
Banned
I think it's time to find a new state to live in.
I'm getting the hell out of South Carolina as soon as I get done with college.
Timedog told me about Portland, OR. It sounds wonderful.
I'm getting the hell out of South Carolina as soon as I get done with college.
Timedog told me about Portland, OR. It sounds wonderful.
Etrian Oddity
Member
Come down to San Marcos, bro. They may not be as rich or smart as UT girls, but the females down at Texas State just may be hotter.
Yeah, but I have to finish college too. Fuck everything.
Atramental
Banned
Remember this girl?
She was the only decent looking atheist girl in my state (on OKC) and she lived two hours away from me.
And here's her fucking criteria on why you should message her. Hahaha.
You should message me if said:you think we would be good friends, then
~ You should know the difference between words like "your" and "you're", and type like you have had a proper education
~ You should have something substantial to say
~ You should be honest in every aspect of the word
you want to eventually date me or be my main squeeze or something, then
~ You must meet the previously aforementioned suggestions
~ You must never have planted your seed. No kids or gtfo.
~ You must not be overweight or ugly. I'm moderately attractive, and I am vain. As such, I will not date someone that I couldn't see myself having sex with, because I wouldn't have sex with someone if I don't find them attractive.
~ You must be intelligent
~ You must be Atheist/Agnostic/not believe in a God
Guys are generally off-put by these "rules", but really, they're more like "criteria". I don't need you to tell me that they make me seem bitchy; I'm trying to weed out the people that I obviously don't want wasting my time (or theirs).
Message (or refrain from messaging) accordingly, and you will find that I'm not a bitch. Promise.
Edit: but I can't really blame her for having this criteria because it's kind of similar to my own.
I wonder if there's a possibility of climbing-gaf.
The difference is that you don't have the arrogance to write it on a profile. So yea, I think you can blame her in that aspect.
Atramental
Banned
That's true.
Here's mine btw. Quite the contrast from her's:
You should message me if said:
If you're hung up on one girl then you're not doing it right. You need an "abundance mentality". If you don't have an abundance of girls then you need to fake it!
-don't text a girl too much. ESPECIALLY don't build rapport (inside jokes, pleasentries, etc) before interest/attraction is assumed. That is a one way ticket to friendzone.
-if you get a girls # (online or in person) text her like "hey blahblah, blahblahjokehereblahblah. -name here" (use your own judgement, if she keeps texting you then go with it). Then wait about 24-48 hours, text her something like "hope you're enjoying the weather!" Then she'll reply then you say "wanna get together this weekend?" Don't make it too specific. Idea here is to not text too much which comes across as needy
-if you came home and your okcupid inbox had like 4 messages then trust me you would not give a FUCK about that one girl that wont message you back.
Abundance mentality!!
Disclaimer: I am not a pro with girls, I'm learning along with most of you and sharing what I find to be valuable information.
-don't text a girl too much. ESPECIALLY don't build rapport (inside jokes, pleasentries, etc) before interest/attraction is assumed. That is a one way ticket to friendzone.
-if you get a girls # (online or in person) text her like "hey blahblah, blahblahjokehereblahblah. -name here" (use your own judgement, if she keeps texting you then go with it). Then wait about 24-48 hours, text her something like "hope you're enjoying the weather!" Then she'll reply then you say "wanna get together this weekend?" Don't make it too specific. Idea here is to not text too much which comes across as needy
-if you came home and your okcupid inbox had like 4 messages then trust me you would not give a FUCK about that one girl that wont message you back.
Abundance mentality!!
Disclaimer: I am not a pro with girls, I'm learning along with most of you and sharing what I find to be valuable information.
Do girls like pizza?
Took all your advice and took a step back from really thinking about a future with that girl. I started talking to other girls as well and really enjoying being single. I'm going up to Scranton (where I met the girl) next weekend and there's another girl there that I also know who's really into me. I don't know how to play that game, but I honestly want to get with both.
lawlohwhat
Banned
I would love to participate in such a thread. Maybe I'll work on an OP.
- Status