Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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Mordeccai said:
Alright GAF, had my first sober sexual encounter ever last night. I have a few questions for the more experienced here, seeing as I was a total noob.

Is it normal to last for like an hour and a half or two hours? Because thats kind of what happened. I don't really know what was up, but I couldn't finish either. It didn't detract from the experience at all, she told me she had a great time, and it wasn't awkward in the least. She's cute and has a rocking body, so I was fully stimulated. Not quite sure what happened here. Maybe first time stage fright?

Also, is it bad to not feel emotionally attached afterwards? I mean I honestly don't feel any more invested emotionally in this girl after the fact. A lot of people have told me sex really complicates things, so maybe I'm just expecting something to be off. But talking to her today has been no different than on any other day. Not gonna lie, I'm kind of relieved to not feel attached anyway.

Edit: Also, she really surprised me. Was asking me to smack her and choke her and stuff, which was... kind of fun. I was a bit nervous about doing it though because I've had no experience with that before, but I tried to play it as safe as you can in that situation. Does this just mean she's a sexual deviant or something? I'm going out on a limb and guessing normal people don't ask to be choked during sex haha.
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I've had the same issues and questions. The first woman was someone I got extremely attached to but I haven't felt much of anything after the others. You rarely, if ever, get any closer to someone than during sex, so a connection would be fairly normal I think. But so is the opposite. It's a lot better than deluding yourself into thinking you're falling in love just because you shared a bed for a couple of hours.

As for lasting a long time, I don't know. It's the only kind of experience I've had and I think it's nervousness and stage fright too. I sure hope so at least :) And no, asking someone to choke them isn't standard procedure, hehe.
 
Random question about girls grinding on you at the club: when they get real low (like almost to the floor) do you go down with them? lol or do you play it cool and keep on with your 2 step or whatever
 
Does anyone else get the feeling that they're at a point in their lives where they're happy or at least satisfied with everything else, and is entirely ready for a relationship, but the opportunity just isn't showing up at all?

This feels like me for the past couple of months. I was at that point where life was finally falling into the direction I want it to go, but every time I put myself out there, online or in real life, I get burned and those chances just aren't bouncing my way.

I'm getting a good return on my messages on OKC, and have had more than my fair share of solid conversations, but lately, none of them have turned into anything beyond a first date or just that, a conversation. People have just been bailing out on me more times than I care to count lately and it's just frustrating. It'd be easier to understand if there was a gradual decline, but no, it's all progression upwards until near climax, and then bam, they disappear. Nothing. I'm not sure if its just me, or if the quality of people on OKC are just getting worse and flakier with each passing day. Same thing's been happening to me with people I meet in real life, I can't for the life of me figure out what's wrong.
 
I keep seeing this pretty cute girl in the class before one of my classes, who keeps glancing at me, and today whilst I was running late, said hi to me on my way in. Didn't have time to have a conversation with her :\. This girl was in two of my classes in last years spring semester, though I had limited interaction with her due to me being in a relationship at the time.

Totally sounds more socially awkward penguin than I wanted it to, but I just noticed it now (jesus why am I so oblivious). The attention feels good though. Spring break is coming up so maybe I'll see her before, if not, definitely plan to start a conversation after.
 
So I just noticed that the girl, I met a few times at parties and talked a little with over facebook, apparently deleted me of her friendlist. We hadn't had contact for about 2 months and you could think that she just cleaned up her friendlist, but the thing is that this girl has no effin clue about facebook, she barely makes any use of it.
So why would she delete specifically me? Goddammit all of my other friends are still on her list. I never said anything even remotely bad or disrespectful to her; or am I maybe just that of an awful person to be around with and don't even know it? How comes that nobody has told me yet?

I know it's stupid to get so upset about this but well, I guess I just really liked her, she seemed to be someone special, maybe even one of the nicest people I've ever met; like that she always had that warm smile when looking at people, no matter if stranger or best friend... ( I better stop here before I sound even stupider).

Meh, maybe it was some error on facebook or she deleted me on accident. Maybe I'll try to contact her some other way just to get a clear answer. Then again, contacting someone who might not want to be contacted could be a little... awkward.
 
I got a problem with a particular friend(s). In particular, one friend of mine in school. She was always pretty cool with me and very nice. Last semester she was extremely nice and offered on her own to give me materials for a class this semester and she would always talk to me.

Now comes this semester and her tone has changed. She still will greet me but you can sense a change in her mannerisms toward me. I always wondered if she was interested in me but I was afraid to lose a friend if I was wrong about her signals.

This is not the first time I've dealt with this problem. Another woman who I asked out but turned down was good with me until two years after I asked her out. At that time she would get aggravated every time she saw me and actively tried to avoid me even though I never attempted to ask her again.

I get the feeling I did something that caused them to go cold on me but I could never figure out why. I also fear another good friend may be going cold on me as well.
 
SpectreFire said:
Does anyone else get the feeling that they're at a point in their lives where they're happy or at least satisfied with everything else, and is entirely ready for a relationship, but the opportunity just isn't showing up at all?

This feels like me for the past couple of months. I was at that point where life was finally falling into the direction I want it to go, but every time I put myself out there, online or in real life, I get burned and those chances just aren't bouncing my way.

I'm getting a good return on my messages on OKC, and have had more than my fair share of solid conversations, but lately, none of them have turned into anything beyond a first date or just that, a conversation. People have just been bailing out on me more times than I care to count lately and it's just frustrating. It'd be easier to understand if there was a gradual decline, but no, it's all progression upwards until near climax, and then bam, they disappear. Nothing. I'm not sure if its just me, or if the quality of people on OKC are just getting worse and flakier with each passing day. Same thing's been happening to me with people I meet in real life, I can't for the life of me figure out what's wrong.
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Yes, I've been there. The thing is, you have to just keep pressing on and not let it bog you down. I was like that for the better part of the last year and I just spent the weekend with someone I was meeting for the first time from OKC. It went absolutely wonderful and we're meeting up again at her place in three weeks (she is going to be out of town the next two weekends at an event for one of her hobbies).

The best advice I can give you, both in the search and in the actual dating part of it, is don't rush it. Find what pace the two of you are comfortable with (it's different for everyone) and when people flake out on you, it's their loss. Had the girl I was talking to not flaked out on me (go check OT2 and you'll find my story), I never would have chatted with this new girl and actually met her. People who are going to bail on you are not worth your time or worry.
 
BTW as a followup to my previous questions?

Should I ever ask a woman why she is acting the way she is or should I just let it be? I did ask a co-worker if something was wrong and I think things worked out for the better but I don't know if I should that everytime.
 
Date with OKC girl (the one I mentioned earlier) is tomorrow. She seemed to be acting weird though. I talked to her via text today about setting a time, and whether I was picking her up or we were meeting there (we are meeting there). All her responses were one word, it was really strange. Am I reading too much into this? Maybe she was just busy and trying to get off quick responses? I thought about it later and realized that if she really wasn't interested at all, then she wouldn't waste her time, after all it's not like she has to see me in person every day or something. Otherwise she might just be an idiot if she's going on this date and has no interest in me at all. Thoughts on this?

Since the whole incident last Thursday, I'm remaining optimistically cautious about this one. I plan on getting to the restaurant a few minutes early and waiting in my car and not getting out until I see her first. Going in there and getting a table before I even see her would be a stupid idea because of the possibility of her flaking. Let's just hope she do anything drastic like change her hair color or something.
 
Desperado said:
You're right. I'm going off of interaction outside of that party as well, though. I didn't go further because I would've felt like a douche to my friend. I'm going to call him tomorrow and talk to him about the whole situation. If he okays it, I'll make a move, but if not, I'll just leave it at being friends with the girl.


EDIT: Talked to him just now and he's fine with it. Now to actually make a move, haha.
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We have a date tomorrow to see a terrible 80s horror film. She seemed excited. Feels good man, even if it doesn't go anywhere.
 
SpectreFire said:
Does anyone else get the feeling that they're at a point in their lives where they're happy or at least satisfied with everything else, and is entirely ready for a relationship, but the opportunity just isn't showing up at all?
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Yes, that's exactly how I feel. I've got a good life going, great job, great friends. I concentrated a lot on building my well-being and for the past 6 months I've been making an effort to meet someone. Met multiple girls through social circles and OKC. But either I was not interested in them as they were in me or vice versa. It hurts, but I'm pushing ahead and I'm pushing myself into further social circles/extracurricular activities. Don't let it pull you down.
 
Firest0rm said:
Yes, that's exactly how I feel. I've got a good life going, great job, great friends. I concentrated a lot on building my well-being and for the past 6 months I've been making an effort to meet someone. Met multiple girls through social circles and OKC. But either I was not interested in them as they were in me or vice versa. It hurts, but I'm pushing ahead and I'm pushing myself into further social circles/extracurricular activities. Don't let it pull you down.
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It's just kind of frustrating when the bulk of my OKC experience lately has been:

"Oh hai, we're having a pretty good rapport going right now, want to grab coffee?"

"Sure! That sounds great!"

*Never replies again*

It's honestly less frustration and just pure bafflement. I feel like I'm the only sane person left in fucking crazyville.
 
SpectreFire said:
It's just kind of frustrating when the bulk of my OKC experience lately has been:

"Oh hai, we're having a pretty good rapport going right now, want to grab coffee?"

"Sure! That sounds great!"

*Never replies again*

It's honestly less frustration and just pure bafflement. I feel like I'm the only sane person left in fucking crazyville.
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I semi-know that feel. I had a date with an OKC girl (although not set in stone really) for last Thursday. She was supposed to let me know if she was available for sure or not. She never did. On Friday she messaged me and said she was sick. We rescheduled for tomorrow, and now it is set in stone. I'm somewhat worried that she won't show tomorrow, but we'll see what happens. There was a lot of sickness going on around here lately, so she could actually have been sick.
 
SpectreFire said:
It's just kind of frustrating when the bulk of my OKC experience lately has been:

"Oh hai, we're having a pretty good rapport going right now, want to grab coffee?"

"Sure! That sounds great!"

*Never replies again*

It's honestly less frustration and just pure bafflement. I feel like I'm the only sane person left in fucking crazyville.
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You ever message back and ask again? Or ask why they don't bother replying again?
 
NotTheGuyYouKill said:
You ever message back and ask again? Or ask why they don't bother replying again?
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Nah, I don't bother. If they're the kind who'll say yes to a date and then never follow up about it, then they're very likely the kind who wouldn't reply to that either.

At the end of the day, I don't really respect enough about the opinions of people who'd pull something like that to ask them for it.
 
SpectreFire said:
Nah, I don't bother. If they're the kind who'll say yes to a date and then never follow up about it, then they're very likely the kind who wouldn't reply to that either.

At the end of the day, I don't really respect enough about the opinions of people who'd pull something like that to ask them for it.
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But isn't the natural thing to do for YOU to follow up, saying, "Great, lets meet at place X at time y?"
 
ok gaf some help.

im supposedly going out with a friend i haven seen in 4 years. and im kinda nervous.
first of all gotta give you some background info. we used to flirt a lot back in high school she was in 9th i was in 11th back there.

we talked and what not, nothing to serious tho i hated her friends hating me. eventually we stopped talking for a long time and this last year we had some small chit chat over fb, she would usually start the conversation like trying to catch up. (im paranoid at some stuff and i was trying to find a reason why would she talk to me, for some reason i have this strange feeling everything is a setup against me)

so last week i said well fuck it, im going to talk to her and ask her out. so i did we were supposed to go out last friday but she all of a sudden had a dentist appointment, so we couldnt. and we are supposed to go out tomorrow (i live in EST btw) at 1 pm. i will pick her up from college. i havent been needy or shown any sign of desperation. i talked to her today asking how was her first college day but she didnt replied. didnt say anything and moved on. im gonna call her tomorrow at 10 am to see if we are still up for the date.

so my question is, what would you think is a nice first date/catching up chit chat place. im thinking maybe a coffee shop sit and talk. or go to this great crepes place i know (food is great tho the place is usually associated with couples and love crap).

also take in mind i would really like seeing her again (if the outcome is good) and im kinda looking for a relationship.
 
Tobe1 said:
ok gaf some help.

im supposedly going out with a friend i haven seen in 4 years. and im kinda nervous.
first of all gotta give you some background info. we used to flirt a lot back in high school she was in 9th i was in 11th back there.

we talked and what not, nothing to serious tho i hated her friends hating me. eventually we stopped talking for a long time and this last year we had some small chit chat over fb, she would usually start the conversation like trying to catch up. (im paranoid at some stuff and i was trying to find a reason why would she talk to me, for some reason i have this strange feeling everything is a setup against me)

so last week i said well fuck it, im going to talk to her and ask her out. so i did we were supposed to go out last friday but she all of a sudden had a dentist appointment, so we couldnt. and we are supposed to go out tomorrow (i live in EST btw) at 1 pm. i will pick her up from college. i havent been needy or shown any sign of desperation. i talked to her today asking how was her first college day but she didnt replied. didnt say anything and moved on. im gonna call her tomorrow at 10 am to see if we are still up for the date.

so my question is, what would you think is a nice first date/catching up chit chat place. im thinking maybe a coffee shop sit and talk. or go to this great crepes place i know (food is great tho the place is usually associated with couples and love crap).

also take in mind i would really like seeing her again (if the outcome is good) and im kinda looking for a relationship.
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Don't get ahead of yourself, man. You're only going to put pressure on yourself that you don't need. You have the rest of your life to worry about a relationship.

As for your question about location, do the coffee shop. Good luck!
 
Well, Dating GAF, after posting on the second thread and not lurking anymore in the 3rd thread, I'm back to post this:

My ex got engaged on sunday night. Found out about 2 hours ago while doing some research for my graduate class. Needless to say, if I'm posting this, I am in denial. Damn it, I had a bad feeling about that shit over the weekend and I was right.

I hope the bastard makes her happy. Thats all I can do anyway.

/tear I guess
 
Kinyou said:
So I just noticed that the girl, I met a few times at parties and talked a little with over facebook, apparently deleted me of her friendlist. We hadn't had contact for about 2 months and you could think that she just cleaned up her friendlist, but the thing is that this girl has no effin clue about facebook, she barely makes any use of it.
So why would she delete specifically me? Goddammit all of my other friends are still on her list. I never said anything even remotely bad or disrespectful to her; or am I maybe just that of an awful person to be around with and don't even know it? How comes that nobody has told me yet?

I know it's stupid to get so upset about this but well, I guess I just really liked her, she seemed to be someone special, maybe even one of the nicest people I've ever met; like that she always had that warm smile when looking at people, no matter if stranger or best friend... ( I better stop here before I sound even stupider).

Meh, maybe it was some error on facebook or she deleted me on accident. Maybe I'll try to contact her some other way just to get a clear answer. Then again, contacting someone who might not want to be contacted could be a little... awkward.
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You should not ask her why she deleted you(which she probably did). You say that you haven't talked with her for awhile, and if it is like you say that you haven't treated her bad or anything like that se probably just feel that you don't know eachother good enough to have you on her facebook list(which she probably wanted to cut).

I don't see any reason for you to think that she dislikes you. So instead of asking her why she deleted you, give her a reason to be fb friend with you, become friends! Next time you see here make sure to interact with her, just like you would have done if fb didn't even exist. People freak out way too much about this facebook stuff, life goes on, you will probably meet her again, make the best out of that situation.
 
Kinyou said:
So I just noticed that the girl, I met a few times at parties and talked a little with over facebook, apparently deleted me of her friendlist. We hadn't had contact for about 2 months and you could think that she just cleaned up her friendlist, but the thing is that this girl has no effin clue about facebook, she barely makes any use of it.
So why would she delete specifically me? Goddammit all of my other friends are still on her list. I never said anything even remotely bad or disrespectful to her; or am I maybe just that of an awful person to be around with and don't even know it? How comes that nobody has told me yet?

I know it's stupid to get so upset about this but well, I guess I just really liked her, she seemed to be someone special, maybe even one of the nicest people I've ever met; like that she always had that warm smile when looking at people, no matter if stranger or best friend... ( I better stop here before I sound even stupider).

Meh, maybe it was some error on facebook or she deleted me on accident. Maybe I'll try to contact her some other way just to get a clear answer. Then again, contacting someone who might not want to be contacted could be a little... awkward.
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Do not do this. Ever. She's not the last woman alive nor is she the best one you'll ever meet. These are things nobody should waste time thinking about, really. If you guys like each other, why two months of not speaking at all? It's a little extreme to delete someone that fast I suppose, but as you say, it could've been an accident. If it was, she'll readd you when she notices (IIRC, accidentally deleting someone is *really* hard to do though). Either way, you clearly have too much spare time if you think this much about her, honestly. You need to realize that deleting you is HER LOSS, not yours. From the looks of it, you're way too emotionally invested already. Take a step back and relax :) Don't contact her to get an answer, it's just gonna creep her out, most likely. If you meet her at a party, act like it hasn't happened and see what the vibe is.
 
So when it rains it pours. Yet, this isn't good freshening rain but rain that dissolves the skin. The only invulnerable ones are the douchebags.

So I was talking to an incredibly hot female friend that I talked about earlier in this thread that unintentionally uses guys, she offered to have sex with me. Yes, offered. That's important to note, right?

She's in a non-official relationship and I've just come off that second date with the other girl. I have a distinct feeling that it would probably hurt at least two people if not more if I were to go through with it.

I'm sure it'd be sex, cuddling, chitchat, but I think there is almost no potential for anything more, and I feel the hot girl feels the same.

I am currently just debating this in my mind. Thoughts?


I just messed around with those OKC attractiveness features. Apparently I'm between 1600 and 1700, but this is a load of crap. There's one girl between 9000 and 10000 in a 25 mile radius and there are girls <1000 that I will definitively say are far more attractive...

Hot girl is rated a 4500 with pictures of her holding her baby. Girl I'm dating is less than me... uhhh *shifty eyes*
 
Thank god Mass Effect 3 is out today, now I have something to take my mind off the clusterfuck that is OKC!

DISREGARD FEMALES

ACQUIRE FLEET STRENGTH
 
Roger Danish said:
Attractiveness rating of [redacted] between 782 and 860! &#9734;

Dayum. That's like 1.3 out of 5. I would think that would be elephant-man territory. Cold-blooded.

EDIT: I was cleaning up in the first week I used this thing. When I went back to it the last couple weeks, I noticed that there were no attractive matches showing up in any of the searches. Looking up the ones who do show up, they all fall in the same "attractiveness" range.
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where do you see that text you italicized?

i just made anew OKC account to check my old ones (deactivated for a year and a halfish) and it says i had a really good rating, however i received like half a dozen messages, send a few dozen more, and all it progressed to was a txt conversation with 1 girl that fizzled out. blah
 
SpectreFire said:
Thank god Mass Effect 3 is out today, now I have something to take my mind off the clusterfuck that is OKC!

DISREGARD FEMALES

ACQUIRE FLEET STRENGTH
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Ha! Just found this thread. I just got into OKC recently but I just had a lazy sunday and spent all day on that shit. It's addictive and I fucking hate it. I'm in the same boat as you. Mass Effect 3 here I come.
 
Roger Danish said:
I ended up dating three different girls I messaged the first day I signed up (out of maybe 10 messages sent). They were all around 6000s. Now the match searches don't show me any women over 1000. Guess I need to take better pictures and start over with a new profile, lol.
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I definitely need better pictures myself. When I first signed up similar things happened (actually signed up twice). I got notification emails that I was 'one of the most attractive people on OKC'. Probably just because my profile was new and it was drawing in so many girls, then it slowed, especially if I didn't update anything.

As for my other question. I'm thinking that I'm just being a straight up coward now...
 
Roger Danish said:
Someone made a script to figure it out for you. I just entered my username here:
http://www.heyimalex.com/okattractive/

Doesn't seem to work for all profiles, though.



I ended up dating three different girls I messaged the first day I signed up (out of maybe 10 messages sent). They were all around 6000s. Now the match searches don't show me any women over 1000. Guess I need to take better pictures and start over with a new profile, lol.
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edit: i agree ::P
 
Desperado said:
Oh boy. Apparently my friend and the cute girl he beat me to asking out aren't actually a thing right now. She is supposedly "not looking for a relationship." He is apparently coming to terms with that and said he should just be friends for now and see where it goes from there. The way she holds eye contact with me and smiles makes me think that she might have some interest in me, and I had my arm around her for an hour at a party last night...

Ffffffuuuu.
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Ask her out or be friendzoned.


Hylian7 said:
I semi-know that feel. I had a date with an OKC girl (although not set in stone really) for last Thursday. She was supposed to let me know if she was available for sure or not. She never did. On Friday she messaged me and said she was sick. We rescheduled for tomorrow, and now it is set in stone. I'm somewhat worried that she won't show tomorrow, but we'll see what happens. There was a lot of sickness going on around here lately, so she could actually have been sick.
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And calculus girl?
 
SpectreFire said:
Here's a great post on Reddit that shows you how to work around the url to use the A-Listing features.

http://www.reddit.com/r/OkCupid/comments/qi8iw/understanding_okc_url_manipulation/

You can even use it to see what your rating is on OKC.
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I tried the thing about checking my own attractiveness, but it didn't seem to work. Do I have to allow my profile to be seen by non-OKC users or what?


FStop7 said:
Ask her out or be friendzoned.




And calculus girl?
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Nothing has changed since the last update on that front.
 
Hylian7 said:
I tried the thing about checking my own attractiveness, but it didn't seem to work. Do I have to allow my profile to be seen by non-OKC users or what?




Nothing has changed since the last update on that front.
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if you're doing it the manual way you gotta do it from a different profile than the one you're looking up. cant show up in your own searches
 
mcrae said:
if you're doing it the manual way you gotta do it from a different profile than the one you're looking up. cant show up in your own searches
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I am, I made another account and tried that and it just said it couldn't find anything for the keyword I used (the keyword being the name of my real account).
 
Kinyou said:
Thank you guys. I think I got a little too worked up yesterday, the discovery was just a little shock to me. But you guys are right, time to take a step back and to focus on other stuff.

If I meet her again somewhere I'll notice pretty quickly where I'm at and wont have burned any bridges by accusing her of things.
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Sounds good :) Keep it up.

And yeah, SSX, school and ME3 in two days means no partying for a while (expect Saturday) :)
 
Somehow I blew it. Not sure what I've exactly done, must be something I've wrote in one of our e-mail exchanges. I texted her and called her once on Sunday, she didn't answer and never replied back. I guess she wasn't as interested as I assumed she were. Not gonna chase her. I'll just leave it at that. Why do I end up with girls that have no manners and end up ignoring me and stand of saying it out straight? Must be something wrong with me. Oh well...
 
amrihua said:
Somehow I blew it. Not sure what I've exactly done, must be something I've wrote in one of our e-mail exchanges. I texted her and called her once on Sunday, she didn't answer and never replied back. I guess she wasn't as interested as I assumed she were. Not gonna chase her. I'll just leave it at that. Why do I end up with girls that have no manners and end up ignoring me and stand of saying it out straight? Must be something wrong with me. Oh well...
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Just because you think that, something is wrong with you. Who cares, this girl is losing out BIG TIME. Are you losing out? Nope. You're awesome and could get a date tomorrow with a girl that is even more beautiful and more awesome than that chick. She clearly doesn't know what she's doing since she passed on you.

Think like that and you won't have any problems. That's the way I see it.
 
Moussi said:
Just because you think that, something is wrong with you. Who cares, this girl is losing out BIG TIME. Are you losing out? Nope. You're awesome and could get a date tomorrow with a girl that is even more beautiful and more awesome than that chick. She clearly doesn't know what she's doing since she passed on you.

Think like that and you won't have any problems. That's the way I see it.
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Thanks. It was partially tongue-in-cheek. I'm not really that upset about it. I just feel insulted that she made me believe she were interested when she weren't. If there is anything wrong with me is my lack of 'game'. All in all, it reminds of Bill Hicks ranting about women and their attraction to abusive jerks and superficial men while he hasn't been laid in 3 years. There was nothing wrong with Bill Hicks and neither with me.
 
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