Woody Invincible
Banned
Hey don't worry about it. I stayed overnight in a hotel with my gf on our first date. No fucking or anything, we were just too drunk to be on the road and crashed into the first inn we saw.
Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
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Hey don't worry about it. I stayed overnight in a hotel with my gf on our first date. No fucking or anything, we were just too drunk to be on the road and crashed into the first inn we saw.
Omegasquash
Member
Too true. Odd, but it sounds like a decent enough story to tell. Best of luck!
yeah.. last week i ended up hitting on this bartender who was pissed at her bf at the time. got her number after 40 minutes, went on a 2.5 hour date on sunday, she went to visit him wed and they had a fight, went to visit her last night and we ended up closing the deal. she's 'confused and lost' but was intending on breaking up with him yesterday, if he didnt have food poisoning at least. so yeah, theres always a chance of the latter. third wheel drama that shit up!
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
Hahaha, I was about to post that myself.
It's perhaps the single greatest image this thread will ever have.
This all sounds terrible.
in what respect?
in my mind she was only technically with him, not emotionally. and today he finds out. as if he didnt realize after they had a fight so big she had to get her mom to pick her up when she originally bussed an hour and a haf to his house to stay the night.
I'm not saying any of this mockingly, but you're cool with her potentially backpedalling on her breakup and going back to him, right?
You know this girl better than I do, but she sounds very much like she wants to have a spot to land when the dust settles. I think the real reason she didn't break up with her BF is because she's not completely sure of herself yet.
I think you're smart enough to not get invested in this one though, my dude.
yeah, i understand that for sure. really i was trying to assuage her guilt more than mine to be honest. maybe im a horrible person. i called her out on the food poisoning as an excuse to not break up with him, a couple times early last night then again this morning, cause really it seems rather coincidental indeed. she definitely wants a spot ot land when the dust settles, im ok with being that spot, and im ok with the dust not settling. so we'll see. emotional investment is further down the line though, so no biggie right now.
all im saying is have fun at the hockey game and maybe have sexytime a week later Omegasquash, who knows
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
Do you thrive off of drama? There are people like that. Maybe you enjoy the craziness.
MutantCyborg
Member
I recently started talking to this pretty shy girl that is extremely cute. But I'm having a little trouble getting her out of her shell sometimes. Often with people she knows she will be really open, but once someone who she doesn't know well comes along she becomes one of the quiet ones allowing other people to talk when she does talk she sounds really nervous.
She's very slowly opening up to me and showing interest. We're going out this weekend. Other than the obvious "Make her laugh"; does anyone have any tips to make her more outgoing around me?
Bonus Question - 10pts - Is it a bad idea to date a girl who reminds you of your ex? Looks and Personality.
She's very slowly opening up to me and showing interest. We're going out this weekend. Other than the obvious "Make her laugh"; does anyone have any tips to make her more outgoing around me?
Bonus Question - 10pts - Is it a bad idea to date a girl who reminds you of your ex? Looks and Personality.
Get to know her better so she has a chance to allow her personality to distinguish herself and gain a bit of separation. I doubt you know her well enough yet to say that her personality is 100% a reminder. I feel that there are lots of personality traits that can be common, going from woman to woman. It's the same with us dudes, in my opinion.
If you still feel the same after a few weeks, then yeah, either you're not over your ex completely or a strong reminder isn't what you need.
MutantCyborg
Member
Maybe personality was the wrong word there, a better word would be mannerisms. I mean from the way she walks to how she says certain words just is so strikingly similar.
ThisWreckage
Banned
That xkcd strip is being overly simplistic. Dating is a bigger game than many people would like to admit.
Boooo! this cartoon has it all wrong.
"I think most men go in for women, but somewhere along the line realize it's not about women and never was--it's about themselves. In fact, most of the routines are not about "tricking women," they're about tricking OURSELVES into being comfortable with women."
Sure, some guys will get it HORRIBLY wrong (like the character featured in this comic) but that is not representative of what pick-up is all about.
I will defend it because it is worth defending. It is self improvement in the guise of approaching women which very few guys will turn into manipulating women (which is hugely frowned upon in any legit pua community).
I mean in the comic they don't even get negging right! Most guys don't neg btw.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
MutantCyborg
Member
Sorry for bumping this, but I just got a call from her asking me if I wanted to go see a play with her tonight. Sounds like she is warming up a little more but some advice would still be extremely helpful.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
TheSchwab_7
Member
So there was a prime opportunity to get a lady tonight, but I did not accomplish my goal. My friend had a birthday party and there were about 7 girls there, with 3 or so actually being attractive to me. So I talked to them, etc. etc. but as we kept on talking I started to realize that they were just idiots. The guys who were there were getting drunk and trying to get in a fight with other guys on the floor to show their alpha-ness and the girls were more interested in that.
Even the one girl who I had some things in common with was more interested in the alpha bros fighting outside and who were drunk than someone like myself who has his shit together and is actually a decent human being. Maybe it's just something girls my age like?
I kinda wanted just to get shitfaced to see if I could score but I didn't want to waste my time. I didn't want to be someone I'm not so I'm proud of sticking to who I am, but fuck it makes me question how I should act sometimes.
Even the one girl who I had some things in common with was more interested in the alpha bros fighting outside and who were drunk than someone like myself who has his shit together and is actually a decent human being. Maybe it's just something girls my age like?
I kinda wanted just to get shitfaced to see if I could score but I didn't want to waste my time. I didn't want to be someone I'm not so I'm proud of sticking to who I am, but fuck it makes me question how I should act sometimes.
Herfstmonster
Neo Member
My theory is that girls want two kinda guys. The first is the really annoying bad boys (alpha-fighting-type). They want their strong genes for their baby's. But these guys ain't sweet daddies or husbands. So we need another type of man to take care of us and the baby's. That's where you come in. You are probably the loving and caring type. Girls don't fancy that in the first place only in the second place. This doesn't mean you have to be a drunk-alpha male. But maybe you shouldn't exaggerate your nice personality when you meet a girl in a setting like that party.
I know this is a really black-and-white-theory, but it might explain some situations. I consider myself pretty lucky. My boyfriend is the bad-guy in public. Everybody said I shouldn't date him; I'd only get hurt. Turns out he's real caring in his personal relations.
So I answered some question on OKC and the personality thing seems kinda screwed. For questions like "Do you work out a lot?" I said yes. Anything related to adventure or fun things, I said I was down for it. For things about being independant, I said yes. All true by the way. And what does it give me?
How does THAT work? Work out 5 times a week, like doing fun crazy things, prefers playing sport to watching = less energetic and less adventurous. Shits fucked.
How does THAT work? Work out 5 times a week, like doing fun crazy things, prefers playing sport to watching = less energetic and less adventurous. Shits fucked.
Cygnus X-1
Member
Today I confessed my feeling to a girl I knew since some months. I told her exactly how I felt in the most romantic and sincere way. Then at a certain point I was slowly getting closer to her, looking into her eyes. I started saying how she is beautiful; especially her eyes and her smile; how she was different than any other girls I knew; how I was attracted by her; how I was feeling something different when I was around her.
I took then her hands, I approached slowly, but firmly, whispering, but in a manly and romantic way. Not too loud, but enough to be listened.
I was just about to kiss her when she says: "do you know I have a boyfriend, right?".
Shit. The end. I stopped. I'm sure we are both attracted to each other, but she has a damned boyfriend. Well, at least she knows I have balls and that I was ready to take responsibility.
I did not hide. I told her my "friendship" wasn't enough for me and that I wanted her to know how I felt. She then thanked me, that I'm a good person, bla, bla, bla. But at least she has been very nice. I recognize that.
Now I'm asking to GAF: did I make any mistakes? Maybe should I have tried to kiss her anyway?
I took then her hands, I approached slowly, but firmly, whispering, but in a manly and romantic way. Not too loud, but enough to be listened.
I was just about to kiss her when she says: "do you know I have a boyfriend, right?".
Shit. The end. I stopped. I'm sure we are both attracted to each other, but she has a damned boyfriend. Well, at least she knows I have balls and that I was ready to take responsibility.
I did not hide. I told her my "friendship" wasn't enough for me and that I wanted her to know how I felt. She then thanked me, that I'm a good person, bla, bla, bla. But at least she has been very nice. I recognize that.
Now I'm asking to GAF: did I make any mistakes? Maybe should I have tried to kiss her anyway?
vincent vega
Member
Is condom + pullout a good method for birth control? I'm really worried about having sex with my girlfriend because I don't want to get her pregnant, it would pretty much derail school. been content with oral up to this point
Etrian Oddity
Member
As someone who's been seeing an absurdly shy girl for a month, the key is to find a topic she really enjoys. Namely, her interests. I got super lucky and found that this girl loves Disney and Japanese video games, so I was able to establish a comfort zone for her very early.
With shy girls, you don't play to their ego, you play to their brain. A lot of shy girls are very intelligent, so you need to prove your intelligence to them too. Witty jokes are a great way to do this. Don't try to embellish your smarts, but make use of your vocabulary and talk about a tiny bit of expertise (you want her to do most of the talking).
Once you find common ground with a shy girl she'll immediately feel a connection with you. For our first date, we spent three hours at a coffee shop because she enjoyed our conversation so much and she didn't want to leave. Just keep her talking; you want her to talk a lot not only to get out of her shell, but also so you can learn about who she is.
Just be prepared to go slow. As in, the physical pacing may take double or triple the amount of time that you're used to.
You did everything right. Move on bro, it's done with her.
Vermillion
Banned
There is no way to appropriately express how much I know that feel, bro.
I can't help but wonder if that was what got me friendzoned the other day too. Who knows if acting any differently would have changed anything though, it could have been doomed no matter what.
TheSchwab_7
Member
I would say so. It would obviously be better if your girlfriend was on birth control, but if she's not, condom and pulling out is probably your best bet. The only thing you have to worry about is if your condom tears, but in my experience you'll be able to feel the difference if that happens.
Baconsaurus Rex
Member
Dear god I'm slowly losing my mind and I'm pretty sure my gf has bipolar disorder. Her acting strange results in me feeling bad, which then results in me acting strange which makes her mad and then I'll start acting weird as well. It's all a downwards spiral from here. Need to get my shit together asap or this will end really soon.
I don't know any more of the situation other than this post, but from what it sounds like: Bail out.
Fury Sense
Member
Need help. WTF do I do.
6 Months ago my roommate tricked me into going on a date with a girl I didn't like or want to like. Physical relationship spawned more quickly than in my past experience and I was enjoying the endless sex. My only victory is that I convinced her that we are above facebook labels and don't need to be FB Official. I am embarrassed to tell people she is my gf unless we are at a distance or she wasn't having a bad acne day.
Yup, she has some acne. Like faint red spots on her face. Not really zits, but moreso blemishes. I don't think she's pretty or beautiful. In fact, I've never even said so. My last gf I told all the time. This one I almost never compliment, yet she is infatuated with me. I need to get away from this person. She has no friends and wants to spend every hour of time with me. She isn't even smart. She asked me when they cancelled NASA last week. I want to be alone. I never have time to play games anymore and I just want her to go away. When I get home from work or class, she's always there. I don't invite her half the time, my roommate invites her over. They're classmates.
I am still with this girl and two nights ago she told me she loved me. I knew she was going to, and I had convinced myself that not saying it back would kill a woman, so I lied. I don't love her, but I said I did. Is lying more hurtful? My thoughts were to just not say it back the next time then tell her I had been having second thoughts.
How the hell do I get out of this? I've met her 11 year old bro+sis and her parents and even her freakin' grandparents. She won't hurt herself when we break up, but she'll feel awful. I just want it to end. I can provide more details, sorry no pics.
6 Months ago my roommate tricked me into going on a date with a girl I didn't like or want to like. Physical relationship spawned more quickly than in my past experience and I was enjoying the endless sex. My only victory is that I convinced her that we are above facebook labels and don't need to be FB Official. I am embarrassed to tell people she is my gf unless we are at a distance or she wasn't having a bad acne day.
Yup, she has some acne. Like faint red spots on her face. Not really zits, but moreso blemishes. I don't think she's pretty or beautiful. In fact, I've never even said so. My last gf I told all the time. This one I almost never compliment, yet she is infatuated with me. I need to get away from this person. She has no friends and wants to spend every hour of time with me. She isn't even smart. She asked me when they cancelled NASA last week. I want to be alone. I never have time to play games anymore and I just want her to go away. When I get home from work or class, she's always there. I don't invite her half the time, my roommate invites her over. They're classmates.
I am still with this girl and two nights ago she told me she loved me. I knew she was going to, and I had convinced myself that not saying it back would kill a woman, so I lied. I don't love her, but I said I did. Is lying more hurtful? My thoughts were to just not say it back the next time then tell her I had been having second thoughts.
How the hell do I get out of this? I've met her 11 year old bro+sis and her parents and even her freakin' grandparents. She won't hurt herself when we break up, but she'll feel awful. I just want it to end. I can provide more details, sorry no pics.
you know, you want girls to like you for you. you dont want to have to feel like you're playing a charcter whenever you're with someone.
but that being said, you want to be the best person you can be. so changing the way you act isnt disingenuous, if its in the name of self-improvement. acting more confident, more interesting, nicer, more courteous, in general taking risks out of your comfort zone... thats the way to go.
i msg'd a girl on okcupid with 'do you always dress like a whore on halloween?' based solely on her profile picture, as part of the 25msgs you're encouraged to send when you sign up. we've got plans to go for beers on tuesday, lol
Devolution
Member
Just come clean now before she thinks you're marriage material.
Baconsaurus Rex
Member
Don't really want to go into it any further. Not going for advice either since I already know that everyone will respond with "bail out!". Even I can see that this relationship likely has no real future. Some of her traits really clash with mine. They are those little things that annoy me like not answering texts for no apparent reason while she is really busy chatting with other people. And add that she is a huge drama queen and a huge attention whore, albeit really shy in real life. I'm even in the stage of exaggerating all these things to make me feel good.
Don't know why I'm holding on to be honest. This boat might be sailing in the wrong direction but I guess it is nice to be on a boat. I'm high and dry, not swimming. However I might be heading towards a maelstrom in the near future and the water is infested with sharks and piranhas.
Just wanted to get that out of my mind.
I've had so many great times with her but all of the sudden she just changed. Of course, this has me worried. The whole "is it me thing" is acting up right now. She went from the girl who is always online, chatting and everything to someone who just ignores me or is really cold and distant. She does not understand that I'm having troubles coping with her behavior. She must be thinking that I'm going batshit insane. I'm starting to get desperate, I can see that I'm not handling this very well but I just do not want it to end. If just could go back one month, when everything was still fine and dandy.
Welp, it's been taking me like an hour to type this post. Quoted it right after you posted. All the editing and adding sentences I've done have made it a really inconsistent and difficult to read. Instantaneously jumping from sentence to sentence. Fits with my state of mind I guess, it's almost like I'm drunk and talking to myself. I haven't even taken the time to type out this whole backstory for you all to understand. I guess it's a puzzle to my mind and only I have the missing pieces to complete this puzzle. I think I just realized the benefits of writing a diary. Feels great to vent about this, those feelings have to go somewhere. It's really relaxing to think about the things that have happened and especially realizing that you've made mistakes in the past. It's all a huge learning experience for me. I guess the best thing to do is lay low and not to worry.
Now I'm off to listen to Paranoid by Black Sabbath. The lyrics are eerily similar to the feelings I have about my own post.
I just had to respond to this because your girl is the exact opposite of my girlfriend. It's funny how you want the alone time, but your girlfriend seems obsessive. Meanwhile I'm on my own and my girlfriend is rarely talking to me. I want her to be clingy and obsessive. Now listen to the crazy person here: you should just end it right here. It makes no sense to stay with her when you don't even want to be with her.
wait.. why would you say it back? thats pretty moronic, given the feelings you're expressing here. you think she's gonna feel worse when a) you dont say it back the first time, and tell her you dont feel the same, or b) you tell her you love her, then later on say you're not feeling it, then break up wth her, and she thinks she did something wrong to make someone stop loving her
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
So many bad things in one post.
Break up with her. Now. Quit leading the poor girl on.
You're a woman and you've felt this way? Were you ever consciously aware of thinking like that and how broken that kind of thinking is?
I would think you were me from a few months ago if I didn't know better. I don't know if you ever read bits and pieces of my story throughout this thread (and other threads). I'll give you the reader's digest version though:
I admit that I'm actually an Atheist because I had a change of beliefs, girl doesn't take well to that, starts beginning of the year-long downhill spiral of relationship. She gets eaten by what is practically a religious cult.
Even though I can't exactly say I'm happy right now, I know I don't want her back. That relationship ended up being bad for me, and my friends in real life agree. I was talking to my best friend about this (she is brutally honest, always). She will never lie about anything to the people close to her, at most she will just keep her mouth shut. She thinks I should have bailed out when she joined that religious organization (Chi Alpha), which was pretty much right after I told (my now-ex) about my change of beliefs. Thinking about it, my friend was right. Granted, I don't know everything about your relationship, but you might just want to bail out though. Just some unsolicited advice, feel free to take it or leave it. I can understand why you still wouldn't want to bail out, I went through the same thing.
On an unrelated note to that: That really frustrating moment when OKCupid says a smoking hot 21-year old local woman looked at your profile. Looking through hers, everything is great, and then you see "Has a kid". Fuck everything.
Devolution
Member
I certainly don't feel this way.
LOL. Does this ever actually happen? I've never heard of this. Are girls onto PUA tricks at this point?
You say that like all girls are one entity, which is precisely the problem with PUAs in my opinion: They assume all women are the same.
So to answer your question: Yes and no, it really depends on the girl.
Napoleonthechimp
Member
This is such an incredibly outdated portrayal of "PUA" that I shouldn't even dignify it with a response. The attitude people have toward it is insulting. The modern version of it takes a more natural approach and attempts to get men to tackle internal issues and approach women with honesty.
Vermillion
Banned
If it helps, I like watching Simple Pickup videos (isn't Kong a GAFfer?).
Nope. So long as they're good with that too, it doesn't matter at all.
As long as they are fine with that too, then no.
maquiladora
Member
Hate seeing this thread pop up.
What if I'm not feeling particularly positive? What if I'm not feeling at all confident? Just put on a show and act all alphadawg with fake confidence to try and fool women, until when? Eventually have to stop acting, then the negativity and lack of confidence naturally comes along - which as we all know the ladies don't want etc. No win situation.
Congrats to the loud badboy dudebros. I'll just be myself, even if that means foreveralone.jpg
What if I'm not feeling particularly positive? What if I'm not feeling at all confident? Just put on a show and act all alphadawg with fake confidence to try and fool women, until when? Eventually have to stop acting, then the negativity and lack of confidence naturally comes along - which as we all know the ladies don't want etc. No win situation.
Congrats to the loud badboy dudebros. I'll just be myself, even if that means foreveralone.jpg
MutantCyborg
Member
Oh wow, you sound like your dating my ex.. Lol.
We went out again earlier today for an early dinner and we had a great time. She seems like she's in an inbetween phase of sometimes being shy and reserved to being outgoing around me. Well see how it goes in the comming weeks.
Just to recap, i need some help getting a shy girl to be more outgoing.
You'll be too busy drowning in ladies too notice how little confidence you have at that point.
[partially kidding, because if you make an effort (any effort) you'll eventually have success and then feel good]
TheSchwab_7
Member
I know that feel bro.
maquiladora
Member
Well I got dumped a few months ago after a 4 year relationship, not long after I began to tell her I was feeling depressed/low self-esteem at times due to a number of things. I guess it was probably that which turned her off. So you can imagine how those feelings have now been magnified after getting dumped. I have absolutely no energy to make any kind of effort to meet someone new. I have such a cynical and negative attitude towards the whole "dating" thing and towards myself now.
*rant over*
Sorry man. Remember then this girl didn't reject -you-, she probably had a problem with you not giving her what she used to get from you. You deserved better.
I had spent a lot of time depressed in the past, and if you've got it bad you should deal with that. I don't think a person can handle relationships well in that state.
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