Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
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Devolution
Member
Her what?
Etrian Oddity
Member
wat
AquaticSquirrel
Member
So we were right, obvious troll it is. Nothing to see here folks.
Pollux
Member
Yea that's what I'm going to do. We said we would se where we stand when she gets back and if she feels the same we'll go out separate ways.
Pollux
Member
Well I can't do it while she's on vacation over the phone.
shanshan310
Member
If she's worried about missing out on her youth or something, have you considered trying an open relationship?
get me an xl bacon double cheeseburger, thx.
Count Dookkake
Member
Be strong. Resist the urge to beg or bargain.
Pollux
Member
Thanks for the advice.
I'm basically mentally preparing myself for a breakup. Looking for furniture online since the furniture is mostly hers (I'm paying for the apartment, she paid for the furniture). I'm mentally treating the relationship as if it's already over so if, and most likely when it happens, it won't feel like such a kick in the nuts.
Never really considered it...could you elaborate?
Pollux
Member
Thanks man. How's your situation working out?
And I should have seen this coming after what I was talking about a few months ago, but..*shrug*, denial I guess.
Very well. My relationship has been a LDR for some time now but she's moving to Louisville and we will probably get married in the fall/spring.
I personally wouldn't try an open relationship. If you aren't ready for her to move on I don't think you'd really be ready to watch her with other guys while still in a relationship with you. I probably would cut off all contact with an ex I was with for that long, but other people regularly talk to their ex so it's all how you feel.
Pollux
Member
Congrats!
And, yea, not doing an open relationship.
My biggest concern is getting new furniture. IKEA here I come. Which is disappointing since she had really nice furniture...
Yeah, I got yelled at by a girl's friend because I wouldn't grind on her friend's ass. This was someone I got set up with on a blind date. I didn't feel comfortable doing it. Though I have social anxiety issues which probably interfered with that more than anything. (note to all, be thankful you don't have anxiety issues, if you don't. they suck).
SpectreFire
Member
But I don't think it's a rational sense, or one borne out of rationality, it's something that came out of me just have a rash of shitty dating luck, plummeting my confidence in having dates turn out well to a terrible low.
Don't get me wrong, I haven't lost any confidence in myself, but the idea that this is growing wildly out of my control is frustrating to say the very least. I don't mind meeting people, but at some points, it's kind of tiring and I wouldn't mind a consistent constant in my life in the form of someone special.
Not to mention the worst thing about it, is that I have no idea what I'm doing wrong and what's causing this rash of bad outcomes. I don't know if I'm just boring, not appealing enough or just plain bad luck.
Wow. So how do you navigate the dating game with those issues? There are nights where I have a hard enough time talking to a girl without anxiety issues.
I just feel like I'm demeaning myself and the girl when the grinding starts. Most girls seems to enjoy it when I tell them I'd just like to "swing dance." I've found it's the easiest way to make a girl smile really quickly. If you don't know how to swing dance; improvise until you learn. It's a lot of fun and every other girl will be jealous of her in the club.
I'm working on it, man, with a psychologist and psychiatrist. I haven't tried dating in almost four years. And I'm in my mid-30s. Not a good scene
One of the last things of my CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) is dating. We'll see how that goes...
shanshan310
Member
Well, its something my partner and I discussed a while back. We're in a fairly serious long term relationship, and its the first either of us had had. We ultimately decided it wasn't right for us at the moment, but it might work for you. You'd set some ground rules, and allow each other to either casually date other people (though making clear you are a couple) or have hook ups/ whatever you feel comfortable with. Basically you are still in a relationship, seeing each other, but at the same time you can see other people. Requires a lot of trust to make it work, but you might be able to get the best of both worlds from it.
Etrian Oddity
Member
I'm not sure why you feel like you're demeaning yourself... it's just how dance has evolved.
To be honest I dislike the idea of just going up to a rando on the dancefloor and suddenly grinding on them (seems skeazy); but if a girl solicits it from you, then by all means do it.
Hehe, my favorite method of getting a girl's attention on the dance floor (if eye contact can't be made) is to mosey over to a crowded area and start dancing in a way we start "accidentally" touch or bump asses a couple times. If your eyes meet as you look over your shoulder and she smiles, you're golden.
I'm working on it, man, with a psychologist and psychiatrist. I haven't tried dating in almost four years. And I'm in my mid-30s. Not a good scene
One of the last things of my CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) is dating. We'll see how that goes...
One of the best things I've learned recently, is to never try and force dating. You need to find your comfort zone and it seems like you're slowly making progress. It's ok if you haven't found anyone yet. As my ex once said. "No one knows what they're doing, so I guess I can take solace in that." It's a great expression. She is confused about everything right now, but no one knows what they really want and it's best to just go with the flow and take care of yourself.
Glad to see you're starting to figure things out dude.
Solideliquid
Member
My wife and I are newly weds, we were married in November 2011 after dating for 11 months. We purchased a home together in March and her 21 year old daughter is having a baby this week out of wedlock.
Since purchasing this house, and as the daughter got closer to delivering, we have been arguing more and more. It gets to a point that we are both shouting at each other then sleep in separate bedrooms. We fight over things we can't even pinpoint the next day. We just have a lot of anger.
I took her to an amazing holiday retreat today. We got into a small argument. She thought I gave her lotion for her hair in the shower when I in fact gave her conditioner. She called me a 'tard and I broke one of her cigarettes. Later she comes and tells me "I think we should just call it quits and divide everything and go our separate paths, we can't get along anymore". Then she says things like she's not happy, she thinks she makes me miserable and she would rather I be with someone who makes her happy. I'm writing this in the bathroom of a beautiful hotel room.
I try to tell her it's the stress of the new house and the baby, as her daughter and boyfriend and baby will stay with us for at least one month. Not sure where to go from here.
Since purchasing this house, and as the daughter got closer to delivering, we have been arguing more and more. It gets to a point that we are both shouting at each other then sleep in separate bedrooms. We fight over things we can't even pinpoint the next day. We just have a lot of anger.
I took her to an amazing holiday retreat today. We got into a small argument. She thought I gave her lotion for her hair in the shower when I in fact gave her conditioner. She called me a 'tard and I broke one of her cigarettes. Later she comes and tells me "I think we should just call it quits and divide everything and go our separate paths, we can't get along anymore". Then she says things like she's not happy, she thinks she makes me miserable and she would rather I be with someone who makes her happy. I'm writing this in the bathroom of a beautiful hotel room.
I try to tell her it's the stress of the new house and the baby, as her daughter and boyfriend and baby will stay with us for at least one month. Not sure where to go from here.
Devolution
Member
How long did you guys live together before getting married?
Go ly dow
I know but here the girls also go out and grab the guys they want to dance with. Well my self-esteem does go down every time a girl goes and chooses him over me :/
I was also bullied for 9 years and frozen out of my class for 3 years so.
But really, what am I supposed to do? I can't go out to parties since I don't like to drink. I don't have that many friends anymore that go to parties since they have GF or are married. If I go out and dance then my self esteem will hit rock bottom because those that I dance with and talk to aren't interested in me. It's like a Neverending circle that I can't get out of.
The only thing I hate about myself is my belly, otherwise I'm proud of who I am.
Solideliquid
Member
We were dating 5 months when we moved in, and 6 months later married.
Wow, seems WAY too quick.
This is poor advice IMO. Some people just need reinventing, whether they're 18, 30, or 50.
I'm thinking, what can I give my girlfriend as a little surprise present if I would like to do that at one time? We have only been together for a week so it's probably still early. But could it be taking chocolate to the bar? Maybe put a rose and a box of chocolate at the doorstep of her place so it's there when I drop her off?
Could I ask her friends what her favorite chocolate is maybe? And maybe ice cream as well, so I know while it's summer time.
Could I ask her friends what her favorite chocolate is maybe? And maybe ice cream as well, so I know while it's summer time.
I'm just saying that it's stupid to treat women as if they're some piece of fine china or some really expensive car that should never have even the tiniest scratches or fingerprints on them. They're just people, not sacred objects.
Guys i'm confused. I broke contact with my ex-fiancee on FB by defriending her, and all was fine, but she sent me a draw something and in it she put "I wondered why I wasn't getting your status updates..." and then proceeded to play something that only me and her would know.
Why the fuck would she care since she was the one that wanted me out of her life?
Why the fuck would she care since she was the one that wanted me out of her life?
Omegasquash
Member
1) Gut says bitch is being cruel and needs to get told to get fucked.
2) Head says that she could be wanting you back, which is OK if you want it. If she dumped you though...why would you want her back after she hurt you?
No one is saying that. Trying to grab a girl while she's blatantly trying to ignore you is creepy.
I hate it too and when I try to face the girl, they assume I'm not interested and move on
I'm like.. wtf??
Thankfully it's not a problem when dancing Salsa, Merengue or Bachatta...
Dahellisdat
Member
She is literally playing games with you, dude.
It's really just getting rid of the barriers and beliefs that are holding you back. You already have everything you need inside of you.
haha that was good
Sanky Panky
Banned
Then it's just a matter of findinv other venues to meet women. Meeting women at parties/clubs is not even the optimal environment for it, so worry if you don't like that environment in the first place. Over this thread many others have pointed many activities you can do to meet others. Hell, even online dating can be much better than bars and clubs.
By the way you said you are in Brazil? If so, I see what you mean about women there. Take up some dancing classes, you will A) meet and party wth women b) impress them at clubs.
I don't disagree with you. I guess I just read his post wrong?
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