Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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Hmm... My girlfriend of one week just told me, that she's happy I have signed up for the gym, so that she don't have to be afraid that people will think I'm her little brother when I gain some muscles.. ugh. =/
 
Anastacio said:
It's just a bit funny, I like her direct nature haha.
I'm excited myself to start up at gym though.
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Actually was she serious or was she saying it jokingly?

I don't see why it should matter what other people think. All that really matters to me is that I'm attracted to and like that person. It doesn't matter what other people's opinions of her are.
 
Banglish said:
Soo.. there's this girl. A whiiile ago on facebook, she messaged me "i really miss you can we please hang out soon".

I told her we would chill soon.

Like the funking idiot I am, I made a promise and didn't keep it. My excuse to why that happened is, I'm struggling to graduate from highschool (I'm 20) and I didn't have any balance in my life during highschool (going out with friends, partying). Now the opposite has happened :(
I don't see my friends or have fun. (I used to blame my parents that they didn't want me to have fun, but I've finally accepted that it' my own fault and they are just looking out for me, they never ever didn't want me to not have fun, just wanted me to pass HS and move on with life).

Flashfoward to 2 weeks ago, I sent her a happy 4/20 text ( Don't judge me! >.<)
She replies "Happy pot head idiot day, I miss u"

We texted back an forth a bit about life and whatnot. Then I asked her what she was doing today (4/21). She said she was working and that she will text me soon. She didn't. I'm assuming it was because what I did, I don't hold anything against her, who wouldn't be mad when someone doesn't hold a promise to them..

I don't know what to do. I've made progress on my course work and am feeling like I deserve to have some fun and chillout.. I want to hang out with her but I don't know if she wants to hang out with me anymore. I asked my older sister what to do and she said just give her some time and when you have some school work done you should kick it. Well, I've done a good amount of work, preparing to write my second module test. After I write it, I want to hang out with her. I don't know if it's been long enough though, I don't want to upset her more. After my test should I try texting her?
Any insight would be appreciated, thanks.
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Call her!
 
leadbelly said:
Actually was she serious or was she saying it jokingly?

I don't see why it should matter what other people think. All that really matters to me is that I'm attracted to and like that person. It doesn't matter what other people's opinions of her are.
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I think it's a bit of both. She's happy I'll gain muscles (me too), but she is also joking a bit with the little brother stuff. At least that's how I take it. I don't wanna take it too seriously. :) on the other side, she is also very direct with her opinions and say em straight.

I'm taller than her but also thinner than her, but it's also very hard gaining muscles. Now I have signed up for a 1 year subscription and will get my own trainer next week when I'm starting.

Btw, when is the right time to give ones love a little surprise present? Like a rose or chocolate?
 
Roses are for special occasions; birthdays, valentines, anniversaries. If you've given them to her before you can surprise her whenever, but if its your first time giving them I'd save it for something official in the same way I would a fancy restaurant.

The Anti-Monitor said:
People, women also make jokes.
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That's impossible!
 
Anastacio said:
Btw, when is the right time to give ones love a little surprise present? Like a rose or chocolate?
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lol

You should give her a rose and a written poem by you, expressing your deep love for her.

Nah, please don't give her a rose. The corniness of it is making me cringe. saying that, she might like it.
 
leadbelly said:
lol

You should give her a rose and a written poem by you, expressing your deep love to her.

Nah, please don't give her a rose. The corniness of it is making me cringe. saying that, she might like it.
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There is nothing corny about giving someone a rose especially if you do it right. All depends on the person though of course.
 
shanshan310 said:
That's impossible!
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I thought as much!

phew! My very notion of reality nearly came tumbling down for a moment there. Everything is good again.


AdventureRacing said:
There is nothing corny about giving someone a rose especially if you do it right. All depends on the person though of course.
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Yeah. Some girls might like that. It is probably more the thought than the actual flower in itself though. It's just a fucking rose.

It just seems corny to me. I would rather take her out for a meal, or just take her somewhere she would like to go. Do something more substantial.
 
Banglish said:
Soo.. there's this girl. A whiiile ago on facebook, she messaged me "i really miss you can we please hang out soon".

I told her we would chill soon.

Like the funking idiot I am, I made a promise and didn't keep it. My excuse to why that happened is, I'm struggling to graduate from highschool (I'm 20) and I didn't have any balance in my life during highschool (going out with friends, partying). Now the opposite has happened :(
I don't see my friends or have fun. (I used to blame my parents that they didn't want me to have fun, but I've finally accepted that it' my own fault and they are just looking out for me, they never ever didn't want me to not have fun, just wanted me to pass HS and move on with life).

Flashfoward to 2 weeks ago, I sent her a happy 4/20 text ( Don't judge me! >.<)
She replies "Happy pot head idiot day, I miss u"

We texted back an forth a bit about life and whatnot. Then I asked her what she was doing today (4/21). She said she was working and that she will text me soon. She didn't. I'm assuming it was because what I did, I don't hold anything against her, who wouldn't be mad when someone doesn't hold a promise to them..

I don't know what to do. I've made progress on my course work and am feeling like I deserve to have some fun and chillout.. I want to hang out with her but I don't know if she wants to hang out with me anymore. I asked my older sister what to do and she said just give her some time and when you have some school work done you should kick it. Well, I've done a good amount of work, preparing to write my second module test. After I write it, I want to hang out with her. I don't know if it's been long enough though, I don't want to upset her more. After my test should I try texting her?
Any insight would be appreciated, thanks.
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1. wait for her to initiate texting. don't text her first, ever.

2. stop texting so much. only talk about when and where you are going to meet.
 
I see how it can feel corny yea. We were out every night last week, this week not so much. She's at the beach now, I guess I'm going to the mall looking for some training stuff.

I'm thinking of asking her if she want to join me at the gym, so that she can burn a little fat. Just for fun and giggles.
 
Anastacio said:
I see how it can feel corny yea. We were out every night last week, this week not so much. She's at the beach now, I guess I'm going to the mall looking for some training stuff.

I'm thinking of asking her if she want to join me at the gym, so that she can burn a little fat. Just for fun and giggles.
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Oh god! I can see the reaction already in mind. :p

I suppose she can't complain though.
 
So what the heck, I've decided to share my story and see what is GAF's opinion is.

So summarized background history: I'm a freshman in college and during the middle of Fall term I met this bisexual girl in my psychology class via a friend. So we got to know each other a bit and I decided I wanted to ask her out. Before I got the chance to though I've discovered a girl asked her out already so I kept my mouth shut.

So we became friends and I was content with that and through her I also became friends with her girlfriend. The two quickly became two of my closest friends in college so far.

So fastfoward to recently, the two got into an argument over last weekend (which was the buildup of mini-arguments, not too serious by itself) and on Monday night the two broke up (the girlfriend broke up with her via the phone).

Imo breakups over the phone is cowardly so the majority of my support went to the girl I "previously liked." So in supporting her I discovered I still have feelings for her still.

The present: the two have reconciled and all three of us are still friends and I still have feelings over this same girl.

So what do GAF? Act on said feelings or ignore them and go for the next girl that happens by?
 
Hmm.. I just asked my new girlfriend if she is burning fats on the beach.

.. This is SO gonna backfire on me lol.

EDIT
One hour later and I'm thinking this is the dumbest thing I could have said, hilarious.
 
Cubsfan23 said:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tqtgTh4Z5M0&feature=player_embedded
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Great video.

Went into my local town today, and felt pretty good about myself I must say. I seemed to get some looks from women, so I guess I'm portraying myself better and in a more confident manner (I was getting better in 2010, but doubts in my career in 2011 and a single word completely shattered any improvements I was making).

I've still got to break the overall barrier of approach, and not treat it as something of a big deal. But having said that I've felt a lot better these past couple of days, especially compared to last week. The main thing I want to do is to meet new people in my area, preferably my age (22) or younger (18ish). I really do think it would help me out a lot, and I may potentially meet some girls out of it.

Been unemployed since college last year, but when I eventually do get a full-time job (scared shitless admittedly, especially after worrying about how much time I'll have to achieve my goals), it'll most likely be in London. I'm not far from London (40 min train ride), but I'd preferably like to meet girls who live a bit closer to where I live.

I have been listening to those meditation videos a bit, and I'm going to finally try some NLP later on as well.

Onwards and upwards I suppose!
 
Anastacio said:
Hmm.. I just asked my new girlfriend if she is burning fats on the beach.

.. This is SO gonna backfire on me lol.

EDIT
One hour later and I'm thinking this is the dumbest thing I could have said, hilarious.
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disappointed.gif
 
jasonng said:
This way of thinking is poison to you. Please please please stop putting yourself down. The act of asking a girl for her number is not creepy unless you assumed you were coming off as one. Which begs the question: why would you make that assumption? Because you two were alone? If you asked for her number right away, without making any sort of connection, worst case scenario is that she says no. THAT'S IT. And even in that case, you could've easily turned it around because you two already shared a common interest (the show). You had no problem talking about the bands you were into when you met me, how would that be any different from talking to her about it? In fact, there's no doubt in my mind that she knows much more about the punk world than I do. It would've been much easier for you to talk to her than to me.
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Yeah, I'm working on that. But there's one thing I don't understand. You're saying I could have turned it around even if she rejected me?

I know you're in an odd situation but don't ask for her facebook. Ask for her number. Period. You have to get a phone. There's no way around it and right from the time of the new york meetup I told you there is no shame in taking a part time job while you sort yourself out. You don't to be rich to impress girls but no women will want to do anything with a guy who can't take care of basic necessities like paying bills. You're on your way to improving yourself. Don't stop working on yourself. Do stop putting yourself down.
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Noted. I'm building my confidence back up slowly.
 
AnathemicOne said:
So what the heck, I've decided to share my story and see what is GAF's opinion is.

So summarized background history: I'm a freshman in college and during the middle of Fall term I met this bisexual girl in my psychology class via a friend. So we got to know each other a bit and I decided I wanted to ask her out. Before I got the chance to though I've discovered a girl asked her out already so I kept my mouth shut.

So we became friends and I was content with that and through her I also became friends with her girlfriend. The two quickly became two of my closest friends in college so far.

So fastfoward to recently, the two got into an argument over last weekend (which was the buildup of mini-arguments, not too serious by itself) and on Monday night the two broke up (the girlfriend broke up with her via the phone).

Imo breakups over the phone is cowardly so the majority of my support went to the girl I "previously liked." So in supporting her I discovered I still have feelings for her still.

The present: the two have reconciled and all three of us are still friends and I still have feelings over this same girl.

So what do GAF? Act on said feelings or ignore them and go for the next girl that happens by?
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You make a move on the girl, you'll lose the friendship of the other girl. It doesn't work out with the girl, you lose both friends. Since you regard them as your closest friends, I don't think it's worth it.

P.S. you don't "realize you still have feelings for her". You always had feelings for her, but you couldn't act because she was taken. Now that she's single you want to make a move.
 
Okay I won't. It's just that she take the piss on me and I take the piss on her, so I rather expect her to take it as a joke, we have been doing that for a week.
 
Lone_Prodigy said:
You make a move on the girl, you'll lose the friendship of the other girl. It doesn't work out with the girl, you lose both friends. Since you regard them as your closest friends, I don't think it's worth it.

P.S. you don't "realize you still have feelings for her". You always had feelings for her, but you couldn't act because she was taken. Now that she's single you want to make a move.
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Yeah you're spot on there in that analysis.

I'm just thinking that a chance/situation like this is only once in a long while (or lifetime anyway) and I'd be damned if I didn't take it, but then there's the risk of losing both friends in one go.
 
Xun said:
Great video.

Went into my local town today, and felt pretty good about myself I must say. I seemed to get some looks from women, so I guess I'm portraying myself better and in a more confident manner (I was getting better in 2010, but doubts in my career in 2011 and a single word completely shattered any improvements I was making).

I've still got to break the overall barrier of approach, and not treat it as something of a big deal. But having said that I've felt a lot better these past couple of days, especially compared to last week. The main thing I want to do is to meet new people in my area, preferably my age (22) or younger (18ish). I really do think it would help me out a lot, and I may potentially meet some girls out of it.

Been unemployed since college last year, but when I eventually do get a full-time job (scared shitless admittedly, especially after worrying about how much time I'll have to achieve my goals), it'll most likely be in London. I'm not far from London (40 min train ride), but I'd preferably like to meet girls who live a bit closer to where I live.

I have been listening to those meditation videos a bit, and I'm going to finally try some NLP later on as well.

Onwards and upwards I suppose!
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Good to hear, Xun.

Also, NLP is great. There's different NLP techniques out there but one technique that's really useful, for me personally, is that I ask myself questions that will lead to positive answers.

Here are some of my questions that I ask myself each day:
-What new things can I learn today?
-What is awesome about me?
-How can I improve myself today?
-What steps can I take in order to improve my future self?
-What is great about my current circumstances?
 
AnathemicOne said:
So we got to know each other a bit and I decided I wanted to ask her out. Before I got the chance to though I've discovered a girl asked her out already so I kept my mouth shut.

So we became friends and I was content with that and through her I also became friends with her girlfriend. The two quickly became two of my closest friends in college so far.

Imo breakups over the phone is cowardly so the majority of my support went to the girl I "previously liked." So in supporting her I discovered I still have feelings for her still.


So what do GAF? Act on said feelings or ignore them and go for the next girl that happens by?
Click to expand...

Sounds to me like you've been friendzoned for a long time, and even became the 3rd wheel. In fact, your story almost comically reads like the typical FriendZone scenario lots of guys fall into: "I liked her, but she was taken. So I became best pals with her instead, in hopes one day (when she's single) she would realize how awesome I am and date me."

So, what should you do? Like the saying goes; "Without Risk, There's no Reward". If you want to be with her, then now's the best time to make your move / tell her how you feel. Don't wait for the perfect opportunity to come up. Just do it. Otherwise, you can continue being her "friend", and wondering what could've been.

Also this:

Lone_Prodigy said:
P.S. you don't "realize you still have feelings for her". You always had feelings for her, but you couldn't act because she was taken. Now that she's single you want to make a move.
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Next time make your move (much) earlier, and don't become friends with the lady. Let her know you want to be seen as a potential mate, not a friend. The friendship you want from her will be part of the relationship package.

And yes, go for the next girl ASAP. That's what you should've been doing the whole time you've been building this friendship with the other girl.
 
I'll try text her that.

Alright I just txted her that one. This is hilarious.

EDIT
Aww, I got a romantic reply in return. It's not just like that, breathing is like loving me, how can she stop? Nice.

Do any of you have great lines, so I can take a piss on her? I mean, we are joking each other.

I'm not really into lines like "you are so sweet, you make me complete, you are amazing, you're the best" etc etc etc, it makes me vomit. I want to serve her some hilarious lines and joke a bit. Guys you know any good ones or websites with such?

By the way, next time she sleeps here, I'm gonna ask if she is into bondage and show her my box.
 
That is literally the gayest and most sophomoric text exchange I have ever read in my entire life. Girls hate passive shit just like anyone else with a working brain.
 
Tenks said:
That is literally the gayest and most sophomoric text exchange I have ever read in my entire life. Girls hate passive shit just like anyone else with a working brain.
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yeah i had to go ly down

Seriously though im surprised she went along with it for as long as she did.
 
Alright, finally talked to this cute girl. Only took me basically getting fired to do it. Today or tomorrow (prob today) is my last day, so I have an hour to figure out how to get her number on the way out of work. Should I just be like 'hey let me get your number so we can hang out sometime'?

Also one thing that worries me is that I'm 20 until august and she's 22 I believe. What is there for us to do besides dinner/movie? Kansas City, KS area if that helps.
 
So our relationship is like a week old. We were together all days last week almost but have not seen each other this week. Is that normal or good for the relationship?

Because I'm thinking it can also be healthy if we don't see each other every day. But maybe she is expecting me to invite her out?

Where could I invite her? We were to the bars all days last week.
 
Before we moved in together I'd be lucky to see my GF 3 times a week. 2 was more normal. In fact I'd highly advise against seeing one another everyday for a week when you start out. I always find more distance is better than less.
 
Tenks said:
Before we moved in together I'd be lucky to see my GF 3 times a week. 2 was more normal. In fact I'd highly advise against seeing one another everyday for a week when you start out. I always find more distance is better than less.
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That's exactly what I'm thinking. I just miss her a lot right now. She even told me to keep her shirt and underwear, so I'm sleeping with her shirt beside me.

Anyway, we'll probably meet later in the week.

Oh, I guess it's good that she wanted me to talk with her mother in the phone. And I told her mother I will take good care of her.

Another thing is, I'm also feel a bit stressed trying to build a friendship with her friends and maybe they expect me to go out with her friends sometimes too?

Would it be too much if I drive by tonight and just kiss her and tell her I love her? But it can also come across as desperate. But she also want to feel that I love her after what I did last week.
 
Anastacio said:
That's exactly what I'm thinking. I just miss her a lot right now. She even told me to keep her shirt and underwear, so I'm sleeping with her shirt beside me.

Anyway, we'll probably meet later in the week.

Oh, I guess it's good that she wanted me to talk with her mother in the phone. And I told her mother I will take good care of her.

Another thing is, I'm also feel a bit stressed trying to build a friendship with her friends and maybe they expect me to go out with her friends sometimes too?
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Bro you're overthinking everything and it is kind of creepy you are sleeping with her shirt and have a pair of her underwear
 
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