Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
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Smelly Tramp
Member
ok this is an emergency gaf
on friday (before i got with any birds) i noticed my throat started getting sore. it's been horrendous the past few days now.
looked in the mirror today, my tongue is blistery red with white on it. looks exactly like oral thrush.
oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck.
does this mean she cheated on me properly?
she said she's had problems with oral thrush before, and when i went down on her last saturday (before i knew obviously) she was hesitant because she was "sweaty and gross".
now whilst a sweaty vagina can give you thrush, is this a blatant cover up?
jesus fucking christ, she's fucked herself up and now she's fucked me up.
on friday (before i got with any birds) i noticed my throat started getting sore. it's been horrendous the past few days now.
looked in the mirror today, my tongue is blistery red with white on it. looks exactly like oral thrush.
oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck.
does this mean she cheated on me properly?
she said she's had problems with oral thrush before, and when i went down on her last saturday (before i knew obviously) she was hesitant because she was "sweaty and gross".
now whilst a sweaty vagina can give you thrush, is this a blatant cover up?
jesus fucking christ, she's fucked herself up and now she's fucked me up.
luckyboyceo
Member
No problem, man. I've gone through enough similar situations in the past to recognize the signs.Yes I did. And I mentioned her that I'm seeing someone and soon after she comes up with this. I have no intentions to get back with her, but she said she's probably gonna have to cut contact with me cause it would be too hard for her. Shitty situation considering we recently became good friends again.
But you're right on this one, damn you're good at this!
Damn, man. What happened? I thought you were doing a lot better with that whole situation and that you had pretty much moved on from her? Is it just the fact that she owes you money that's keeping you from letting go of her entirely? If so, you might have to just chalk it up as a loss and go from there. Sucks, but it's the truth.
Yeah man, I've been feeling the same way and it's great. Feel like I've crossed the hump with the situation with my ex and that I'm finally starting to legitimately recover. It still stings but I feel like I'm pretty much back to normal, and it feels great.
This story is amazing.
Smelly Tramp
Member
thing is, i've also been out, had loads of drink (like a phenomenal amount), done drugs, and have had hardly any food (saturday i didn't have one thing). my oral hygiene has been poor as well as i stayed round a friends and didn't brush my teeth for like 2 1/2 days.
but still i've done these things before and this has never happened to me. ugh.
but still i've done these things before and this has never happened to me. ugh.
-ImaginaryInsider
Member
Called this cool nerdy girl I met, asked her to dinner after work on a weekday, she says yes. Well, the girl cancels the next day via a huge 6 block text explaining why she can't come...but she doesn't counter-offer. I'm busy at work, so I get back to her later on with a variation of "Hey, that's fine". She emails me early the next morning with an invite to a Star Trek movie thing at a local theater 2 months from now with her brother and her male bff.
Any advice on how to proceed?
I figured I'd just playfully tell her that I don't go to movies with girls I haven't had dinner with, find a hole in her schedule in the next week and get either a lunch or dinner with her. Honestly, I'd rather go out with guns blazing on my own terms than be friendzoned by acting like her trained monkey.
Any advice on how to proceed?
I figured I'd just playfully tell her that I don't go to movies with girls I haven't had dinner with, find a hole in her schedule in the next week and get either a lunch or dinner with her. Honestly, I'd rather go out with guns blazing on my own terms than be friendzoned by acting like her trained monkey.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
I'm not one to put all my cards on the table. You put your best foot forward and let the rest of yourself reveal itself later. If someone's first impression is "yeah, but", then you've already lost. Work to lose the "but".
But if it works for you, then go for it.
so what is the details? I'm kinda curious why it ended up being a good decision and why you ended up talking to her for 4 hrs.
Smelly Tramp
Member
never mind neogaf, just having another breakdown. pretty sure it's just a sore throat from the weekend!
just spoke with her on the phone and we were both quite positive. we're free to do what we each want this summer, and we agreed to meet up after summer is over if we're not seeing other people.
ooof it's good to get that off my chest.
just spoke with her on the phone and we were both quite positive. we're free to do what we each want this summer, and we agreed to meet up after summer is over if we're not seeing other people.
ooof it's good to get that off my chest.
Z
ZombieFred
Unconfirmed Member
So I met this girl in Prague during my holiday and she's currently studying in Germany and goes back to Turkey in November. She invited me to come and visit her soon. She is attractive and did have a nice night with her so I might take that offer when I go to Europe again soon. At least I made a new international friend who's a companion and talk to her on Facebook. I will see how it goes.
how do i tell a girl without scaring her off that she needs to clean herself before we have sex because her vagina smells like her asshole?
keep in mind we've only known each other for like 2 weeks. i've already asked her to shower (like i went over to her house after we saw each other at the gym) and she refused. i mean come on, it's not like we're soulmates, the least you could do is be a little bit clean T_T
keep in mind we've only known each other for like 2 weeks. i've already asked her to shower (like i went over to her house after we saw each other at the gym) and she refused. i mean come on, it's not like we're soulmates, the least you could do is be a little bit clean T_T
So she doesn't want to shower even after the gym? Yeah, no. Have you suggested taking a shower together? Or "taking a shower together"? If nothing else, if she's letting herself go, maybe you should let her go too.
She's brushing you off.
hawkshockey11
Banned
Don't know...
Started dreaming about her again and then woke up one morning and said "it wouldn't hurt to try and send a message that clearly laid out my motives. Maybe that is what it will take to start talking again"
It is just sooo frustrating and confusing why she can talk and hang out with her ex (Who broke up with her 3 times over the course of a year or two) but she can't even say anything to me after 4 months (I was dumped by her and she promised to pay my money back).
She is in a new relationship now, but she was ignoring me long before she was dating the guy. I can't think of anything that I may have done to deserve this and not a single reason why she would do it. It is not like I am asking for much. I am aware that since I am not asking for much, what is the point in trying. I guess I hate being ignored/being the loser. Very immature reasons I know, but I am immature. Besides I still miss her, despite her now obvious immaturity and inability to actually deal with her problems.
Right now all that is on my mind is to force contact with her by either seeing her around town or through a mutual friend....I know that is a bad and stalkerish idea.
It's just a little bump in the road and I am positive I will recover and be back to moving forward in a day or two.
On a unrelated note I gave up masturbation (Gave up porn too, but that was a rare treat that won't be missed really). Read all the positive results it has and would love the confidence boost I have read about. I have decent social skills as is and can talk/flirt with girls very easily as soon as the first encounter ice is broken, but it can always be better.
Maybe, and maybe she's super nervous about dating some guy she just met as she's a huge nerd?
I think the dude should try to do as he did, ask her if she wants to go out, whatever. Obviously keep your options open.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
Your response is perfect. Go for it with full confidence, and if she squirms out, just give up on her.
I know this and yet I still haven't been able to get over it. After 3 years I know a shitload about shit like this, and I'm still unable to put it into practice.
Between the Nintendo conference and my mate going home with some girl, I'm really fucking depressed right now.
I am getting nowhere.
FleckSplat
Member
Going out this week with a group of buds and one of them is DD. I'm not much of a drinker, so I want to be careful, but finally I have a group to go with and don't have to worry about driving home!
I'm usually going it alone to clubs, movies, what-have-you, so I am looking forward to this!
I just want to have a good time and boost my confidence in clubs, not hook up with any girls.
I'm usually going it alone to clubs, movies, what-have-you, so I am looking forward to this!
I just want to have a good time and boost my confidence in clubs, not hook up with any girls.
I'm still pretty inexperienced compared to most others. But someone mentioned before that if someone likes you, they'll make the time.
Some bullshit 2 months down the line with her brother and BFF isn't making the time.
Nothing is wrong with asking again. I had to do it recently with someone since the first time was on quick notice. Decided to give them the open time frame and got a run around response. No reason to keep pursuing after that, so I moved on. It really does get easier with more experience.
Vermillion
Banned
In the job I work at, I've worked with hundreds of girls over the years. I've known dozens well enough to have spoken to them in depth about their love lives. Girls make it obvious when they like a guy more often than not. If they like you, they WILL make time for you, they WILL offer alternative plans if something doesn't pan out.
If a girl you are interested in ditches you, and makes no effort to see you or goes out of their way to make the next set of plans...sorry she doesn't give a shit. She's not going to give a shit. If you make any effort she will see you as desperate.
If a girl you are interested in ditches you, and makes no effort to see you or goes out of their way to make the next set of plans...sorry she doesn't give a shit. She's not going to give a shit. If you make any effort she will see you as desperate.
Have you tried dating in a different environment? Online dating?
I mean just observing you're comparing yourself with your mate (what's the point, there are people having a better time than HIM and there are people having a far worse time than you). Either way comparing yourself to others is usually gonna make a person miserable.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1EWD64sdAoA (from a few posts ago here)
Second, you're letting your wants get you down. You're going into self pity and all that. Confidence is key.
Maybe you don't want to hear it, but you should. I started from the bottom, I worked on myself, built up my confidence bit by bit. There were material things I've done (this is IMPORTANT), like getting more in shape, getting cooler clothes, all sorts of stuff like that. There was also the mind game. You have to do both.
Once you get up to speed and start getting little bits of experience you'll start accelerating and achieving goals, which will boost your confidence further.
I don't know what to say because I was a disgusting piece of crap with no social skills AT ALL and the last thing that happened is I had the hottest girl at a party paying lots of attention to me when there were lots of guys around (one at least I think is clearly hotter than me) and today when I was working out I completely forgot that I'm not even that fit yet, on top of the world in other words.
You probably don't believe me, but you should. If that shit stain on the floor can have my success then you can.
The girl agreed to see the guy for dinner then wrote a huge story as to why she called off the previous date... I think she likes the guy. Maybe she doesn't like him that much, or doesn't like him enough to put much effort forth, but that doesn't mean he's completely SOL.
This guy gets it, for the most part. While everyone's different, it's a good rule of thumb: If she's interested, she'll show you. If she's "playing games", she's not. If you're making all the effort, she's not. If she doesn't seem excited or motivated to spend time with you...she's not. OR she has someone better; either way, no point.
And then you have to make sure you're clear from MINUTE ONE that you're interested, otherwise you'll be friendzoned within the first meeting.
I've noticed a lot of guys think they're going on a date when the girl's just being friendly.
Note I'm hardly an expert in women, I screw up all the time, but the only success I've ever had is basically: You make your move ASAP, if she's interested, go for it, if she's not, cut your losses and move on. Moping in the friendzone is unhealthy and dishonest for both of you--no interest? Sever connection.
PigSpeakers
Member
Couple of questions, bros.
So, I have this friend that I've been interested in for too long, and I'm finally going to be moving on and start dating after a conversation we had the other night. She's known I was into her since really early on when we started hanging out because I told her. She hasn't really been interested in me, and I've sort of figured out from this conversation that we had as to why. She says that one of the only problems she had with me was that she just wasn't all too physically attracted to me, and that it seems like I'm not physically assertive. I realize the second one is the biggest problem. I've always been pretty confident about my looks, not that I'm the best looking guy, but I don't wallow in self-pity about my flaws. She says she's not sure whether things would've changed had I kissed her instead of just telling her, but I ultimately regret not taking that chance. I now just have an incredibly close friend, but not the relationship I was looking for.
I realize that it's way to late to really kiss her at this point, so I'm pretty much done trying to pursue this avenue, when I should've been a long time ago. My question is though, when and how should I kiss a girl? First date if I sense that she's interested? Second date? I've made out with a girl a couple of times, but we never really just kissed except maybe once, so I don't really know how to make that sort of move. I feel like I have a lot going for me in every department except this. I don't even really have a problem meeting and talking to girls. I just don't know how to initiate this sort of thing.
So, I have this friend that I've been interested in for too long, and I'm finally going to be moving on and start dating after a conversation we had the other night. She's known I was into her since really early on when we started hanging out because I told her. She hasn't really been interested in me, and I've sort of figured out from this conversation that we had as to why. She says that one of the only problems she had with me was that she just wasn't all too physically attracted to me, and that it seems like I'm not physically assertive. I realize the second one is the biggest problem. I've always been pretty confident about my looks, not that I'm the best looking guy, but I don't wallow in self-pity about my flaws. She says she's not sure whether things would've changed had I kissed her instead of just telling her, but I ultimately regret not taking that chance. I now just have an incredibly close friend, but not the relationship I was looking for.
I realize that it's way to late to really kiss her at this point, so I'm pretty much done trying to pursue this avenue, when I should've been a long time ago. My question is though, when and how should I kiss a girl? First date if I sense that she's interested? Second date? I've made out with a girl a couple of times, but we never really just kissed except maybe once, so I don't really know how to make that sort of move. I feel like I have a lot going for me in every department except this. I don't even really have a problem meeting and talking to girls. I just don't know how to initiate this sort of thing.
Can't say too much on the kissing front. On my first date the girl invited me back to her place, and we were lying on her couch listening to music, and then the next thing I knew we were making out. I don't even remember how it happened.
Some girls ask for it with their facial expressions. When you're just about to leave, they might do a shy look down with their eyes and then a look up at you - that's your signal.
As for the friendship problem, I generally start the flirting immediately if I feel like I would be interested in a relationship with someone. That way, I make sure I send the correct signal, and avoid conveying the friend persona when I want to convey the date persona. If she's a reasonable person, and you ask her out, she can reject you without ruining a chance at a friendship (if that's what you want). When that happens, I generally lose romantic feelings for the girl and can move on with the friendship.
I really object with SOME of that. It certainly has never been so clear cut in my eyes. I've had girls that clearly wanted to spend more time with me but also never took any initiative in one damn thing and I wasn't even that into and seemingly got angry at me for not chasing THEM.
I've also had the opposite, girls that are sending me signals like a MOFO but didn't actually want anything. i.e. told me I was cute, said they had a crush on me, constant attention, sex talk, on and on and they were in a relationship and didn't want to do anything serious (sex, kissing, holding hands), and said they never wanted that (hey, maybe a lie). I've had a girl straight up offer me sex and later say she isn't physically attracted to me. I've made out with a girl, she had an amazing time, and then have her completely shut down on me for no logical reason (and she's not getting ANY other dates, either).
I'm not complaining, but to say there are these cut and dry rules, maybe I've only known insane girls and I don't realize it. I'm more inclined to think that's human nature.
I said this a long time ago, but you have to know what you want, and if you're not willing to take charge and make certain efforts towards a girl, maybe you're not that interested either.
Just don't ever make the mistake of pursuing a girl that is CLEARLY not interested and avoiding you. You ask her once and if she ignores you, you move on. If she outright rejects you, you move on.
Hey, maybe some girls always know what they want and they go full bore to that guy, but I've seen that only rarely (and usually I think those girls are some of the most mental).
Also, friend zone doesn't actually exist. It's mostly just a term guys use to explain why a girl isn't attracted to them. YES, that happens. You didn't get zoned, you just aren't doing it for her.
Also, escalate physically. Don't express interest, if you want any chance of being pursued.
Yeah, despite what people say friendships can turn into relationships. I've seen it happened and have talked to enough girls honestly that have those same feelings. The key is if she's not interested she's not interested. Don't say you were 'friend zoned', she just didn't dig you. But physical escalation is important.
Attraction will grow depending on how she's thinking of you. I know girls who were only a little attracted to someone but quickly that attraction grew within themselves with familiarity. Hell, I felt this with a girl once that when I first saw I thought was a dude in drag and within a few months I was lusting after her (didn't go there, btw).
Kissing? I wait for the moment that feels right. That might be a bit slow, but it's typically been on a 2nd date, but not always (but maybe 2nd date because I'm doing online dating and 1st date is crazy check).
It's tricky and usually it helps if you're already close. Sit up right next to her, or lay next to her. You're talking, she says something dumb, you kiss her. I'm way taller than the girls I date so I haven't been able to convert a regular standing position into a kiss yet lol.
PigSpeakers
Member
I'm generally a pretty flirty person, so that doesn't always work for me. The whole reason I straight up told her that I was interested was because I know that I don't convey emotion as well as I'd like. For the longest time, she basically just told me she didn't really feel a spark with me, but after the long conversation I had with her on the phone the other night, I realize that much of the reason she never really had a spark for me was because she mostly found me average looking. (The only reason I found out any of this was because I asked. It's sort of an honest and too open friendship at times). I asked her really what my main problem was for dating, and she mentioned physical assertiveness. She said that sometimes feelings can appear where there was none before. Which is stuff I know NOW from reading this thread and getting it through my head. It's a really upsetting circumstance, and one I'll have to deal with. She's moving out of state at some point (doesn't know when.), so I guess that's part of what really cements my reasoning for moving on now.
It's all a moot point now, so it really is time to move on. I actually just met a girl the other day, so I'm going to talk to her a bit more and then ask her out. Is a coffee shop a bad first date spot if neither of us drinks coffee? It's been a long time since I've actually bothered to date instead of just making out or hitting on girls.
Personally, coffee shop dates always turn into really intellectual conversations that don't lend to a physical or emotional connection for me. My brain turns on and everything else turns off. I'm not a coffee fan but the girls I went there with were. Just my two cents.
Sanky Panky
Banned
Quoting a chick flick or wherever it is I heard it, you go in 2/3's of the way, and she goes the rest. If you want to be assertive, if she's all snuggled up on you, grab her chin lightly, pull her face towards yours, and kiss her (slowly, you don't want to surprise her too much). Otherwise, don't be affraid to touch the face as you give her a hug goodbye. She'll get the idea.
Any point that you guys are physically close, and she DOESN'T back away, is a chance for you to kiss her. Sitting next to her in the couch with your arm around her, hugging goodbye, sitting close to her in a park while eating ice cream, etc. First date, second date, it doesn't matter if the moment feels right (aka she doesn't back away from being physically close).
Any point that you guys are physically close, and she DOESN'T back away, is a chance for you to kiss her. Sitting next to her in the couch with your arm around her, hugging goodbye, sitting close to her in a park while eating ice cream, etc. First date, second date, it doesn't matter if the moment feels right (aka she doesn't back away from being physically close).
SpectreFire
Member
I feel that my problem right now isn't getting girls to reply back, it's to get them to go out on a date. It's like almost everyone who responds is just uninterested or isn't looking to date or just disappears after a while.
Case in point. Two girls I recently started chatting to, and expressed interest in meeting up, both deleted their accounts.
What the eff.
PigSpeakers
Member
Thanks man. Like I said, I haven't been on a date in a while. Before this girl, I just really hadn't been interested in too many people outside of just sort of a really basic thing. I was also too busy with school at that point in time.
I always figured that maybe a coffee shop would be a more intimate, quieter experience. I'm not a huge fan of bars (don't drink, bars around here are typically pretty loud) and I think she might be under 21 anyways.
What's the typical conversation supposed to be for a first date? I'd pretty much like to avoid the sort of things you could see on a facebook profile.
This seems like good enough advice to me. Now I just have to not psyche myself out and get all nervous.
Maybe it would be different for you but coffee shops often have seats set pretty widely apart, and are pretty well lit, unless it's later in the day. You're making me recall all sorts of ungood coffee shop experiences now... boy... I think the place implies a sort of alert intellectualism that is contrary to dumb stuff like physical pleasure.
Yeah, I hate bars because they're drug assisted extra stupidity. Too far the other way... Maybe I'm just picky.
For me I think the trick is to keep things positive on a first date, but just listen and try to follow the flow of conversation. I'd say you should memorize a few questions to go to if you fall flat for things to say for too long. Don't worry about silence, silence is natural. Also, if the girl gets awkward you can say something about silence being natural and touch her hand or arm lightly... I dunno that's worked for me.
But ask her about places she's been, places she'd like to go, friends... Even talking about food, food dares (eat this, who can eat more of this spicy thing?)...
But the best conversations will flow a bit. If you can't find anything to talk about maybe you don't really have that much in common so don't worry about it, you might just not have that much to share.
You aren't alone, well I just deleted my OKC account, but was having a decent back and forth with an avg nerdy girl, trying to move the ball forward a little I ask what her name is. No response for a couple of days, then boom account gone. Had an impromptu meetup (long story) with my absolute closest match, this was after several long conversations, where we chatted for a few minutes, things went fine. Messaged her a day later asking her how things went - no response.
Only 1 chick on that site out of the dozens I've messaged was "nice" and told me she was seeing someone. Online dating (free) has been a total shit experience for me, that said, I'm going to reboot the profile to the opposite of what it was and see if that works.
The truth hurts man. My ex was exhibit A, always making time and wanting to do things. Every chick I've tried and failed with after the fact has been flake, flake, flake, I don't want to believe they were never interested, BUT, they were never interested, even the ones who flirted hardcore. Feels bad man.
Attackthebase
Member
So, my friend told me I should go through a few practice girls. I feel compelled to agree with him. I have gone on a fair number of dates in the past year (at least more than ten), but for the past year, I have only connected and cared for two women. The first girl didn't work out because of the bad timing when we met, and the second one is someone I am seeing at the moment, and I may have blown it. I'm going to follow the advice I have seen on this page when we meet after her trip in DC. I'll see if I can recover from my former timidness about giving her a kiss. My friend is telling me she is digging me from her actions.
The problem I usually face is the pure apathy I feel when it comes to people. The majority of women at my university (hell, this second woman has nothing to do with my current university) hold little-to-no interest for me besides sex appeal. I can handle them well, and I am the usual suspect of leaving them, even if the date went well enough. I see them more of a way to improve my own inner-game than potential partners, plus I seldom see them as worth while enough to make that time commitment during the semester. Yet, my shy nature comes out when the rare occurrence of me giving a shit about a person does happen.
Thus, my friend advice about going through some practice girls, so when the time I actually care about someone arises, I can handle it in an assertive manner. I simply wanted to write this out, for my own sake.
The problem I usually face is the pure apathy I feel when it comes to people. The majority of women at my university (hell, this second woman has nothing to do with my current university) hold little-to-no interest for me besides sex appeal. I can handle them well, and I am the usual suspect of leaving them, even if the date went well enough. I see them more of a way to improve my own inner-game than potential partners, plus I seldom see them as worth while enough to make that time commitment during the semester. Yet, my shy nature comes out when the rare occurrence of me giving a shit about a person does happen.
Thus, my friend advice about going through some practice girls, so when the time I actually care about someone arises, I can handle it in an assertive manner. I simply wanted to write this out, for my own sake.
hawkshockey11
Banned
To make this even more confusing for me.... here is an excerpt from the breakup.
"......I just feel as though this is not working and that down the line it is just going to get worse and worse and I really dont want us to hate each other or resent each other or never speak again, nor do i want to make you think that none of it was ever meant though, I do care about you, I just feel confused about if it is more than that anymore.
I just feel as though it would be best, for both of us, to end it before it is strung out to the point of those feared things happening. It's too much for me right now and I'm really really sorry, I do care about you Hawkshockey11 and love you, but I don't feel as though I am in love with you anymore. I don't see it working out down the road, but I hope that after some time we both can be mature enough to still be friends."
Some of it is cliched stuff but it was sincere and when I see this I can't make any sense of what is happening now...
shanshan310
Member
You need to be more upfront about getting your money back. Its clear she isn't interested in a friendship with you at this time, so just focus on getting that money. No more "hi" messages, just cut to the chase.
hawkshockey11
Banned
Already did that last month.
"I really hate doing this but I assume you are done with school by now and back in Hamburg, and I could kind of use that money. If you don’t have any extra funds right now that is fine. When you do have it you can just drop it off in my mailbox or even just mail it if you are feeling lazy."
Didn't try to push her to actually see me. No response, no money
Blue Ninja
Member
You will soon heal and get out of that poisonous mind set that try's to knock you down. In the end you become your own worst enemy and let in those silly thoughts and imagination try to take over your mind but time will soon help make those become an afterthought without any emotional chan or care when they do try to creep in again. Going away for a few days was the best thing for me to see clearly again and prepared to move on. Watching a good show or reading good fiction that you can relate too is also another great piece of healing to the mind that kicks you into the right direction. Trust me blue, it's your time to take control in your life and bring out that inner confidence from within that will make you content and at peace again. I promise it will happen
You know something? I hope you're right. I hope that, once I'm done with these damn exams, I can finally try to get on with my life.
How's that going for you?
There's a support thread around here if you haven't seen it. 24th day for me now. I want to go the full 90 days but I don't think that's gonna happen :lolhawkshockey11
Banned
How's that going for you?
I made it 5 before I got into a sexting bout last night with a girl I know and masturbated to her pics.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
I remember messaging one girl who had nearly identical match, friend, and enemy percentages. Personally I don't care about those numbers but I decided to point it out to her. She responded by saying "we could either really like or hate each other". Naturally I responded by saying the only way to find out was to meet up. Account deleted.
Weaksauce
Congratz anyway.Alright, I guess I should tell this story since Ive been here the past 2 months bitching about it lol.
Anyway, she texted me Sunday asking if I was off work, said yes, and met her at the Walmart parking lot. I got there and then she did, and we both got out of the car. A flood of emotion about confronting her about the cheating rushed over me as I approached her. I had noticed she had looked at me and could see something was wrong. She handed me the check and I nodded my head and looked at her and told her "I know". She gave me this confused look and asked "You know what?". I told her I knew about the cheating, that one of the guys reached out to me and told me everything, the hotel visits, the chat rooms, everything. She looked at me and said "No, none of that ever happened, who said that?" I told her that I'm not going to answer that. He wanted to keep anonymous and I will respect that.
I told her some more details about it and she finally said "Ok, I did cheat on you, but it was only twice, and with the same guy, I don't know what the fuck he is talking about when he said I told him about other guys. I know what I did and I'm totally fucking disgusted with myself that I even did it. You know, my life right now fucking sucks since part of my family hates me, and I have had a bit of financial trouble. " She was devastated. I proceeded to tell her a bit more, like about the part where he said that her personality changes as much as her hair, that she told him she loved him, he thought they had a future, etc. which she looked at me in amazement and went, "What the fuck? I know who you are talking about by the way, he doesn't know me, I only saw him twice."
I told her she was a coward for either not breaking up with me or telling me the truth about what happened that night. "I know im a coward, I should have told you but i know exactly how you are and how much it would hurt you." After talking about this for a bit, we started slowing opening up more about what had been going on with us for the past 2 months, she told me about her family, I told her about mine, catching up basically.
She then told me that she still has everything that I had gotten her over the relationship, the flower pedals, the pictures of me are still up on the wall, the jewelry, everything. I told her that the past 2 months have been the hardest in my life regarding losing her and finding out about the cheating. We discussed what we went through emotionally, stuff like that.
We both are kind of dating around but not in any relationships right now, shes seeing one guy, i'm seeing another girl, nothing serious on both ends. Which doesnt bother me, our relationship is over but it did get to me a bit. She could see that and asked if I was ok. Asked her how it felt that I was seeing someone else and she said "It sucks, but it is what it is".
We hugged a lot. The first time it just felt like the right thing to do. She pulled in and cried extremely hard. Saying she was sorry. so sorry. I told her I cant forgive you for what happened.
The night went on and we talked movies, life, how different things remind each other about us. Like I said we hugged multiple times, and even though she cheated on me, it felt so good to hold her again, even if its just because of the comfort factor. 6 years of so much. She told me she still loves me and that there was no way she couldnt after all ive have done and been there with her through.
I also asked about the Draw Something plays. She said that it was contact. That it was something that kept us in some form of contact.
Moving on, after 4 hours we hugged, and left and I went home. She had already played a DS move and I played back. After about an hour I was in bed and get a text from her "I am sorry to bring this up but I have so much freaking anxiety now thinking that creep might show up and try to find me or hurt me or something. I am such a fucking idiot. I am so sorry for all of this."
With that, I start another part of this journey I've been through. Back before when I did'nt know about the cheating, having her text me and break no contact was my goal. I wanted her to miss me. But now after the cheating, I barely care. Any way, she texted me now more than she had almost the last few months.
Next text. "I am so disgusted with myself. I guess I am glad he contacted you though part of what he said was crap. But he is definitely not playing with a full deck of cards if you know what I mean. Just a little scared. Thank you for being you and handling this mess with grace and dignity, You have always been more than I deserve."
"I do not like that he was telling you to move on. What the fuck does he know? I should have told you, I know that. I am a serious fucking mess. I am so sorry. Even though tonight was my worst nightmare I am so glad that we talked. It was good to see you too as well, even on the shitty terms."
"It is insane that we have not seen each other for 2 months and yet being around you was still so natural."
"I am so thankful for you ******. I know it does not mean much coming from me but it is the truth".
Anyway. She has texted me every day since then. Except today, its just been Draw Something. She said yesterday "Seeing you seems like a dream. Not the content of the discussion, just actually seeing you because it had been so long". Asked what I was up to, and told me about work.
This still surprises me. How she is texting me a lot now. Now after the cheating came out, I confronted her about it and was very strong and stood my ground, and took up for myself, shes talking to me again. It's a weird turn of events. Thats where I'm at now. We are in more contact after that now than ever. Its nice to hear from her and have her say those things, but Its hard to feel the same towards her. So right now I'm taking it day by day. I don't want to be back with her.
hawkshockey11
Banned
And now I am blocked on facebook.....
What the fuck is even happening???
I am not being annoying, not being immature....
What the fuck did I do to deserve this?
Fuck...
Guess that is that... no chance for contact in the future, no money....
Sooo frustrated and pissed.
hawkshockey11
Banned
I assume so too, but she still talks to and interacts with her ex and unless he is the one telling her what to do then I have no idea....
If I were the ex, you better believe Id be putting words in her ears so she could avoid you.
Does she have the money? I don't remember you saying how much it was
hawkshockey11
Banned
she buys a lot of shit and has a job so I assume so. Over 100, which is a lot as a 19 year old making minimum wage.
Other environments wouldn't really make a difference if I struggle to speak with people as it is. I've tried online dating, but like in real life I'm too nervous to initiate anything. My other issue with online dating is how much of a chore it all seems, since it's almost like applying for a job.
I've felt pretty confident these past few weeks, and I've always made sure to dress well. Sure I could tone up a bit (and I'm planning to), but I really don't think this would help me get over my approach anxiety. It has been 3 long years since the 1st thread, and I've pretty much gotten nowhere. I feel like an old man trapped in this body (I'm 22), with all of my youth completely ripped away from me. At this point I just want new local friends, but that seems hard to come by. I don't even want a relationship just yet, and as I've stated I just want a bit of fun. Given my situation, I doubt that'll ever happen though.
I understand and agree fully with what Brent says in that video, and I don't need to be with someone. However I need to be able to comfortably initiate conversations with people (girls and guys), which I struggle with at the moment.
I try not to look back at the past, but to see these 3 years go by this quickly is depressing.
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