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- There's this girl I was friends with for a long time. We started dating. I fell in love (maybe moreso infatuation) but then she became disinterested. I tried to break contact with her (not in a mean way) and she accepted it and was very supportive, saying she'd always there as a friend.

- Feel down and lonely. Last few weeks I text her wanting to hang out. She knows full well about my feelings but she acknowledges anyways and wants to hang out next week too. She even gives the little thing in all her texts to me...and when couldn't hang out last time she suggested another time just next week that she was free.

- I don't intend on masquerading as her friend, I'm going to be showing romantic interest from the get-go. Touching, flirting, all that stuff. But if she's not interested I'm confused as to why she wants to hang out. Did she change her mind? (we're both early 20s, she's more mature and experienced) Or are we (especially me) being naive about the other persons intentions?

- What would be a good place to meet to gauge her intentions? Should I bother at all? I was thinking invite her over to cook something together. She knows we'd be alone together...I dunno I'm just confused. She's not the type of girl to play with people. I didn't do anything that would prompt her to "get back at me" so to speak either.

 

[shanshan310]

she buys a lot of shit and has a job so I assume so. Over 100, which is a lot as a 19 year old making minimum wage.

Yeah, I think you need to either confront her in person or call her out publicly.

 

[hawkshockey11]

Yeah, I think you need to either confront her in person or call her out publicly.

That would make me the crazy ex.... I want the money, but I would like to keep my dignity too....

If I see her around town I may approach her, but other than that I am not going to go around calling her out and looking for her.

 

[shanshan310]

That would make me the crazy ex.... I want the money, but I would like to keep my dignity too....

If I see her around town I may approach her, but other than that I am not going to go around calling her out and looking for her.

I guess you won't get your money back then. If you aren't proactive nothing will change. She's blocked you, so she's probably already thinking you're the crazy ex. You have nothing to lose but your money at this point.

 

[luckyboyceo]

stuff

I think her change in behavior since having that discussion is normal. She feels more comfortable now knowing that you aren't going to explode/murder her for cheating. While she wasn't the one to initiate the conversation, I'm sure she feels better getting that weight/guilt off her chest and that's why she's willing to contact you more.

Don't let that influence how you handle this situation though. You should definitely avoid contact with her in the future or at the very least, keep it at a minimum. It sounds like you're handling it about as mature as you can and I commend you for that. Now you can finally start moving on.

That would make me the crazy ex.... I want the money, but I would like to keep my dignity too....

If I see her around town I may approach her, but other than that I am not going to go around calling her out and looking for her.

Dude, I'm telling you, chalk it up as a lost cause and move on. The only way you're getting that money back is small claims court.

 

[SpectreFire]

I've decided that I should probably stop the online dating for a while. I think between the constant swearing, hitting of things and talking to myself, I might be borderline depressed or insane right now. I'm probably in no condition to be in a relationship.

 

[Attackthebase]

Bloody hell. I confirmed tonight that the girl I genuinely like, has a guy she really digs up in Virginia. This seems like an on-going problem whenever I find a woman worth a damn, there's always another guy who she is involved with prior to me meeting her. It's a bitch.

Well, back to the hunt of finding someone who I don't have complete apathy towards. Bah.

 

[jaxword]

I would like to keep my dignity too....
.

Then let go and move on.

Seriously, there's times to realize that even if you "win," it's not really much of a victory.

Chalk it up as a learning experience and be the better adult about this.

I've decided that I should probably stop the online dating for a while. I think between the constant swearing, hitting of things and talking to myself, I might be borderline depressed or insane right now. I'm probably in no condition to be in a relationship.

You should go seek professional help, like a psychiatrist or counselor. I'm neither but you definitely sound like you have a lot of repressed anger and things that are bothering you deep inside.

 

[hawkshockey11]

Ok, vented to a friend and I feel as though I have pulled myself back together. A shame it ended this way and not the way I expected at all, but that is life. Always unfair and unpredictable.

Now to think about the crazy sex I am going to have on Sunday....

Then let go and move on.

Seriously, there's times to realize that even if you "win," it's not really much of a victory.

Chalk it up as a learning experience and be the better adult about this.

That's the plan, and was always the plan. My immaturity and lack of experience shows though occasionally like in moments like this.
Never had to let go before in life. Never had to accept that I am never going to see a certain person ever again.

 

[Prologue]

Bloody hell. I confirmed tonight that the girl I genuinely like, has a guy she really digs up in Virginia. This seems like an on-going problem whenever I find a woman worth a damn, there's always another guy who she is involved with prior to me meeting her. It's a bitch.

Well, back to the hunt of finding someone who I don't have complete apathy towards. Bah.

Did you actually tell her how you feel or no?

 

[manipulate]

stuff

That's really sad, but glad to hear you don't want her back or anything. Chin up son, girls like that don't deserve you.

 

[Pat]

Alright, I guess I should tell this story since Ive been here the past 2 months bitching about it lol.

Anyway, she texted me Sunday asking if I was off work, said yes, and met her at the Walmart parking lot. I got there and then she did, and we both got out of the car. A flood of emotion about confronting her about the cheating rushed over me as I approached her. I had noticed she had looked at me and could see something was wrong. She handed me the check and I nodded my head and looked at her and told her "I know". She gave me this confused look and asked "You know what?". I told her I knew about the cheating, that one of the guys reached out to me and told me everything, the hotel visits, the chat rooms, everything. She looked at me and said "No, none of that ever happened, who said that?" I told her that I'm not going to answer that. He wanted to keep anonymous and I will respect that.

I told her some more details about it and she finally said "Ok, I did cheat on you, but it was only twice, and with the same guy, I don't know what the fuck he is talking about when he said I told him about other guys. I know what I did and I'm totally fucking disgusted with myself that I even did it. You know, my life right now fucking sucks since part of my family hates me, and I have had a bit of financial trouble. " She was devastated. I proceeded to tell her a bit more, like about the part where he said that her personality changes as much as her hair, that she told him she loved him, he thought they had a future, etc. which she looked at me in amazement and went, "What the fuck? I know who you are talking about by the way, he doesn't know me, I only saw him twice."

I told her she was a coward for either not breaking up with me or telling me the truth about what happened that night. "I know im a coward, I should have told you but i know exactly how you are and how much it would hurt you." After talking about this for a bit, we started slowing opening up more about what had been going on with us for the past 2 months, she told me about her family, I told her about mine, catching up basically.

She then told me that she still has everything that I had gotten her over the relationship, the flower pedals, the pictures of me are still up on the wall, the jewelry, everything. I told her that the past 2 months have been the hardest in my life regarding losing her and finding out about the cheating. We discussed what we went through emotionally, stuff like that.

We both are kind of dating around but not in any relationships right now, shes seeing one guy, i'm seeing another girl, nothing serious on both ends. Which doesnt bother me, our relationship is over but it did get to me a bit. She could see that and asked if I was ok. Asked her how it felt that I was seeing someone else and she said "It sucks, but it is what it is".

We hugged a lot. The first time it just felt like the right thing to do. She pulled in and cried extremely hard. Saying she was sorry. so sorry. I told her I cant forgive you for what happened.

The night went on and we talked movies, life, how different things remind each other about us. Like I said we hugged multiple times, and even though she cheated on me, it felt so good to hold her again, even if its just because of the comfort factor. 6 years of so much. She told me she still loves me and that there was no way she couldnt after all ive have done and been there with her through.

I also asked about the Draw Something plays. She said that it was contact. That it was something that kept us in some form of contact.

Moving on, after 4 hours we hugged, and left and I went home. She had already played a DS move and I played back. After about an hour I was in bed and get a text from her "I am sorry to bring this up but I have so much freaking anxiety now thinking that creep might show up and try to find me or hurt me or something. I am such a fucking idiot. I am so sorry for all of this."

With that, I start another part of this journey I've been through. Back before when I did'nt know about the cheating, having her text me and break no contact was my goal. I wanted her to miss me. But now after the cheating, I barely care. Any way, she texted me now more than she had almost the last few months.

Next text. "I am so disgusted with myself. I guess I am glad he contacted you though part of what he said was crap. But he is definitely not playing with a full deck of cards if you know what I mean. Just a little scared. Thank you for being you and handling this mess with grace and dignity, You have always been more than I deserve."

"I do not like that he was telling you to move on. What the fuck does he know? I should have told you, I know that. I am a serious fucking mess. I am so sorry. Even though tonight was my worst nightmare I am so glad that we talked. It was good to see you too as well, even on the shitty terms."

"It is insane that we have not seen each other for 2 months and yet being around you was still so natural."

"I am so thankful for you ******. I know it does not mean much coming from me but it is the truth".

Anyway. She has texted me every day since then. Except today, its just been Draw Something. She said yesterday "Seeing you seems like a dream. Not the content of the discussion, just actually seeing you because it had been so long". Asked what I was up to, and told me about work.

This still surprises me. How she is texting me a lot now. Now after the cheating came out, I confronted her about it and was very strong and stood my ground, and took up for myself, shes talking to me again. It's a weird turn of events. Thats where I'm at now. We are in more contact after that now than ever. Its nice to hear from her and have her say those things, but Its hard to feel the same towards her. So right now I'm taking it day by day. I don't want to be back with her.

Telling her was sooooooo the right decision after all. Not only for you, but for her too.

 

[Leeness]

Hm... I guess no second date for me. Oh well.

 

[jaxword]

Ok, vented to a friend and I feel as though I have pulled myself back together. A shame it ended this way and not the way I expected at all, but that is life. Always unfair and unpredictable.

Now to think about the crazy sex I am going to have on Sunday....



That's the plan, and was always the plan. My immaturity and lack of experience shows though occasionally like in moments like this.
Never had to let go before in life. Never had to accept that I am never going to see a certain person ever again.

That's part of life, dude. There's 7 billion people out there, you're not going to meet 0.001 percent of them and still always have people coming and going throughout your life.

Time to grow up. Seriously, not as an insult, but you really do need to. I mean, casually slipping in a stealth brag while complaining? Come on, man, that just screams insecure, and if you're doing that here to strangers, who knows what real life body language you're giving off?

Growing up actually feels good, because you don't have to worry about impressing others all the time, and that will come to reflect itself in your love life.

 

[LProtag]

I need to get out of the house and start meeting people. I've been single for about a month now. I just made an online dating thing because a bunch of people told me to. I'm not really interested in any of the girls on there from around here.

I didn't realize it would be this hard to meet people when you're not in college anymore. I've really got to get over being so self-conscious and start putting myself out there.

 

[shanshan310]

Hm... I guess no second date for me. Oh well.

oh no!

Don't give up! There are plenty of guys out there. And gaf has already spoken: You are super cute.

 

[Leeness]

oh no!

Don't give up! There are plenty of guys out there. And gaf has already spoken: You are super cute.

Eh. I'm not upset about this guy at all, but I think I've found out I'm pretty undateable haha. I'm super boring and can't hold a conversation. Pretty much a deal breaker.

Oh well. I won't die having never gone on a date at least. I'm not the biggest loser on the face of the planet anymore.

 

[LProtag]

Eh. I'm not upset about this guy at all, but I think I've found out I'm pretty undateable haha. I'm super boring and can't hold a conversation. Pretty much a deal breaker.

Oh well. I won't die having never gone on a date at least. I'm not the biggest loser on the face of the planet anymore.

Maybe a deal breaker for some people, or in certain situations. Not all the time though. I wouldn't worry about it.

Dating's just hard in general.

 

[Vermillion]

Eh. I'm not upset about this guy at all, but I think I've found out I'm pretty undateable haha. I'm super boring and can't hold a conversation. Pretty much a deal breaker.

Oh well. I won't die having never gone on a date at least. I'm not the biggest loser on the face of the planet anymore.

1) Work on random conversation with people. Personally, I can only do one on one, but it's a start. Furthermore, you have less of a hard time with it (just speaking from my own experience here) because unlike with people you sorta know, the conversation can be totally light - you never need to see this person again. I've actually found this easiest with old people, but that's just me. Even less expectation there, but you work your way up.

2) Don't think that way. When it comes to people who you can actually be in a relationship with, all your conversation will not only be easier, but interesting, as you'll both care about the same things.

3) Anecdote - one of my friends, who is similar to me in many ways (more attractive, though, and funnier) has a girlfriend because... well, it's a long story. Basically, she was a sure thing for a promdate, because she liked him and her friends and everyone else pushed him to ask her out. In the weeks before Prom, they hung out together a lot, along with her other friends (to prepare for the prom group, they claimed). Now, he had no clue what to do or say. When it was just the two of them, it basically consisted of them smiling at each other in silence. One day, he got the courage to just kiss her and... well, today, they're together, and they love each other quite a bit.

Point? They figured out how to make conversation because they liked each other, and they got through the moments of absolute silence. You meet someone that you like and they like you... I imagine the same thing could happen. Don't consider yourself undateable - consider yourself not yet matched.

 

[Leeness]

Eh. Haha. In any case, it was nice to go out, got to kiss someone (been like...8 years since the last time I kissed anyone lol). So... doesn't really matter if I do it again. I can go another 8 years without, haha. Stopped caring a long long time ago.

But yeah, I really am pretty undateable. I'm fucking awesome at conversation with everyone except guys. So... Meh. Honestly, I was shocked that this one guy wasn't scared away before we even went out. I wasn't expecting to even meet him in person. So I really don't blame him for bailing now.

BIG MEH. Haha. Went on one date, sustainable for another 10 years, don't give a fuck. Haha.

 

[Vermillion]

Eh. Haha. In any case, it was nice to go out, got to kiss someone (been like...8 years since the last time I kissed anyone lol). So... doesn't really matter if I do it again. I can go another 8 years without, haha. Stopped caring a long long time ago.

But yeah, I really am pretty undateable. I'm fucking awesome at conversation with everyone except guys. So... Meh. Honestly, I was shocked that this one guy wasn't scared away before we even went out. I wasn't expecting to even meet him in person. So I really don't blame him for bailing now.

BIG MEH. Haha. Went on one date, sustainable for another 10 years, don't give a fuck. Haha.

The middle paragraph, second sentence proves it's merely a mental block. And not caring is certainly one way to deal with it without dealing with it, but... my points still stand. I can see how one would become cynical after time and time of trying. But being unique means you may have to wait for a unique person, with similar interests, but... it happens. And I've no doubt you'll find someone or them you.

I'm tempted to suggest "He's Just Not That Into You" (yes I watch chick flicks sometimes, fuck all y'all I do what I want), if only for the ending. But whether or not you deal with finding a relationship now or later it'll happen. Just be sure not to settle.

 

[LProtag]

If you're fine with having conversations with girls, then it's likely something psychological you have to get over.

Not to get all Freud on you or anything.

 

[shanshan310]

Eh. Haha. In any case, it was nice to go out, got to kiss someone (been like...8 years since the last time I kissed anyone lol). So... doesn't really matter if I do it again. I can go another 8 years without, haha. Stopped caring a long long time ago.

But yeah, I really am pretty undateable. I'm fucking awesome at conversation with everyone except guys. So... Meh. Honestly, I was shocked that this one guy wasn't scared away before we even went out. I wasn't expecting to even meet him in person. So I really don't blame him for bailing now.

BIG MEH. Haha. Went on one date, sustainable for another 10 years, don't give a fuck. Haha.

I reckon you just need to find something you enjoy to talk about. Not dating related, but for a while I had a lot of trouble making female friends. I got so nervous about wanting to make some gal-pals but not knowing how, or what to talk about, and especially not sounding awkward, that I just couldn't talk to them at all. I think somewhere along the way I started meeting girls who would talk about things I was interested in, and it became easier.

Plus, I was the most awkward, shy, untalkative person for at least the first five months of my relationship (going on five years now). I have no idea how my boyfriend put up with it, but now we're best friends. If I can do it anyone can

 

[Chinner]

funny how things turn around. while trying to get over a girl I like I now discover she likes me.

 

[Log4Girlz]

funny how things turn around. while trying to get over a girl I like I now discover she liked me.

Ask Robin for his blessing.

 

[Chinner]

do i address robin or his beard?

 

[Leeness]

Oh, I know I'm crazy. Pretty sure I need expensive therapy to deal with it though haha. It's not even "all guys" that I have issues talking with. I can talk to guy friends, I can talk to guys in public, at my job, whatever. If I'm interested in them though, my actual (boring) personality ~shines~ through.

But yeh. I return to my life of solitude, having broken the never-having-dated-ever curse. Job well done, can now die happy someday.

 

[Vermillion]

Crazy and boring are different thing, you know.

@Chinner: Doesn't matter anymore, does it? I guess just keep working on getting over her. If she still likes you, though, go for it. How did you find out, might I ask?

 

[AdventureRacing]

If you can talk to pretty much anyone except guys you're interested in then i don't think your personality is the problem. It sounds like you just have the same problem as most guys in here, you get nervous when you're with someone you like and you can't act like yourself. After long enough it becomes sort of a self fulfilling prophecy where you convince yourself that you really are just boring.

I think the thing you need to remember is you don't necessarily have to talk differently with guys you're interested in and guys you're friends with. Just be yourself and don't get too hung up on whether it goes any further.

 

[Log4Girlz]

do i address robin or his beard?

Are they two different entities? I have no idea.

 

[jaxword]

funny how things turn around. while trying to get over a girl I like I now discover she likes me.

That's how it goes, only when you're NOT on the market do you realize what was available.

One time I went through a very, very, dry spell of no dates.

Then I started a relationship with this new girl, and then all of a sudden some of the single girls I knew were asking me if I was, you know, busy that night and wanted to spend some time together.

And, of course, I had to say no, because cheating is utterly despicable.

And, of course, after I broke up with the girl, their interest vanished too.

So it goes.

 

[LuffyZoro]

The girl broke up with me after a couple of dates because "it's awkward seeing [me] as more than a friend". :/

Still, I feel like this was a good experience overall; getting a girlfriend, even for a short period of time, improved my self confidence, so I'll be more likely to ask people out in the future.

 

[Smelly Tramp]

The girl broke up with me after a couple of dates because "it's awkward seeing [me] as more than a friend". :/

Still, I feel like this was a good experience overall; getting a girlfriend, even for a short period of time, improved my self confidence, so I'll be more likely to ask people out in the future.

That's it man, that's what it's all about. Even though mine was long term and she ripped my heart out, it's made me more confident in life (particularly with women) and I'm quite good at making the sex now.

All I need is a job and a pay cheque now and I'll be well on my way.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

I've decided that I should probably stop the online dating for a while. I think between the constant swearing, hitting of things and talking to myself, I might be borderline depressed or insane right now. I'm probably in no condition to be in a relationship.

If I start getting matched with girls with a high enemy percentage or those that live far(ther) away, I usually take a break. The turnaround is pretty high though, so when/if you come back in a month or so, there will likely be new blood.

It might be prudent to just login every so often though. If a girl sees that you haven't logged on for weeks, she might be discouraged from messaging you.

Oh, I know I'm crazy. Pretty sure I need expensive therapy to deal with it though haha. It's not even "all guys" that I have issues talking with. I can talk to guy friends, I can talk to guys in public, at my job, whatever. If I'm interested in them though, my actual (boring) personality ~shines~ through.

But yeh. I return to my life of solitude, having broken the never-having-dated-ever curse. Job well done, can now die happy someday.

As crazy as it sounds, everyone needs to be a little crazy to remain sane in this crazy world of ours.

 

[Argyle]

I've decided that I should probably stop the online dating for a while. I think between the constant swearing, hitting of things and talking to myself, I might be borderline depressed or insane right now. I'm probably in no condition to be in a relationship.

You are probably right, but was the main reason for your rage the online dating itself, or other factors?

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

Other environments wouldn't really make a difference if I struggle to speak with people as it is. I've tried online dating, but like in real life I'm too nervous to initiate anything. My other issue with online dating is how much of a chore it all seems, since it's almost like applying for a job.

I've felt pretty confident these past few weeks, and I've always made sure to dress well. Sure I could tone up a bit (and I'm planning to), but I really don't think this would help me get over my approach anxiety. It has been 3 long years since the 1st thread, and I've pretty much gotten nowhere. I feel like an old man trapped in this body (I'm 22), with all of my youth completely ripped away from me. At this point I just want new local friends, but that seems hard to come by. I don't even want a relationship just yet, and as I've stated I just want a bit of fun. Given my situation, I doubt that'll ever happen though.

I understand and agree fully with what Brent says in that video, and I don't need to be with someone. However I need to be able to comfortably initiate conversations with people (girls and guys), which I struggle with at the moment.

I try not to look back at the past, but to see these 3 years go by this quickly is depressing.

You're being too hard on yourself. 22 isn't old AT ALL. In the grand scheme of things, 3 years is a drop in the pond. It's only a big deal if you make it out to be.

I think you need to set smaller goals. Instead of looking years or months ahead, plan your weekend. Attend a concert. Organize a beach party if it's sunny. Weather sucks? Invite people over to play board games. Introduce yourself to friends of friends.

Just go out and be around people, and DON'T SET UNREALISTIC EXPECATATIONS. Get their number/Facebook. Make yourself interesting and interested. Heck, be a bit of an arse by inviting yourself to events. In a big group, no one really cares if there's one more.

 

[Attackthebase]

Did you actually tell her how you feel or no?

I usually aim to avoid trying to seduce a woman when she is into another guy. Since, even if I do succeed, I would always have that sliver of doubt for said individual.

To actually answer your question, I have done enough flirting with her to make my intentions clear.

Eh. I'm not upset about this guy at all, but I think I've found out I'm pretty undateable haha. I'm super boring and can't hold a conversation. Pretty much a deal breaker.

Oh well. I won't die having never gone on a date at least. I'm not the biggest loser on the face of the planet anymore.

It's probably more that you and this guy didn't have much in common. I have gone on dates where I could barely say anything because of a complete lack of chemistry, interests, and other factors. Then, there have been dates where me and this girl have talked non-stop. Keep on trying to find someone. I highly doubt you are "undateable."

You're being too hard on yourself. 22 isn't old AT ALL. In the grand scheme of things, 3 years is a drop in the pond. It's only a big deal if you make it out to be.

I think you need to set smaller goals. Instead of looking years or months ahead, plan your weekend. Attend a concert. Organize a beach party if it's sunny. Weather sucks? Invite people over to play board games. Introduce yourself to friends of friends.

Just go out and be around people, and DON'T SET UNREALISTIC EXPECATATIONS. Get their number/Facebook. Make yourself interesting and interested. Heck, be a bit of an arse by inviting yourself to events. In a big group, no one really cares if there's one more.

This is a big one, I have gone out and met stellar people because I met friends of friends.

 

[luckyboyceo]

Oh, I know I'm crazy. Pretty sure I need expensive therapy to deal with it though haha. It's not even "all guys" that I have issues talking with. I can talk to guy friends, I can talk to guys in public, at my job, whatever. If I'm interested in them though, my actual (boring) personality ~shines~ through.

But yeh. I return to my life of solitude, having broken the never-having-dated-ever curse. Job well done, can now die happy someday.

I think your situation is pretty normal actually. People naturally psych themselves out when we attach feelings or expectations to someone, which generally results in our communication changing in some way. It's a defense mechanism. I know for myself, I have the opposite reaction as you, I talk a lot, but as soon as I get comfortable around the person that goes away and I become much more relaxed and natural. It's certainly something you can train yourself to avoid, but obviously that takes practice and experience.

I agree entirely with what Attackthebase said above. Communication is and will always be a two way street. There's a a very good chance you guys just didn't mesh will.

For what it's worth, you seem like a cool person. I see no reason why you won't meet someone who'll recognize that as well and jump at the chance at getting to know you. That guy didn't want to? His loss. Maybe all you needed was to get your feet wet in the dating arena for it to really start taking off for you? I'm telling you, people come in waves. Best of luck!

 

[hawkshockey11]

That's part of life, dude. There's 7 billion people out there, you're not going to meet 0.001 percent of them and still always have people coming and going throughout your life.

Time to grow up. Seriously, not as an insult, but you really do need to. I mean, casually slipping in a stealth brag while complaining? Come on, man, that just screams insecure, and if you're doing that here to strangers, who knows what real life body language you're giving off?

Growing up actually feels good, because you don't have to worry about impressing others all the time, and that will come to reflect itself in your love life.

Honestly you can't just decide to grow up. It's experiences like these that cause you to grow up. It wasn't a casual slip (though still a "brag" if you want to call it one), but I have talked about this friend before on here multiple times and this would be the first time we have time to do it.

I know my body language does not scream insecure at all. Hell, I never even talked/mentioned the breakup or anything that ensued to anyone other than Gaf and 1 friend. Why rush growing up. I am young and have the rest of my life to be mature so why not act young while I am.

 

[ZombieFred]

Decided to try this site OKCupid (I am not touching POF though) so let's see how online dating goes for me! Hope this goes well.

 

[Attackthebase]

Decided to try this site OKCupid (I am not touching POF though) so let's see how online dating goes for me! Hope this goes well.

Remember it's a number game. There has been some solid advice regarding online dating in this thread. Remember to make it short, non-creepy, touch upon her profile. Even then, the likelihood of her responding back is low-to-moderate.

 

[LProtag]

Yeah I just messaged someone for the first time on OkCupid after finally putting up a photo. Guess I just needed to get over that self-conscious hump.

 

[~Kinggi~]

Lmao, the one girl that messaged me on Cupid months ago that I was kinda interested in but she scared me with some odd pictures and comments she made in the profile updated her profile with some fairly good looking pics and better profile. Never replied to her so that sucks.

 

[Tex117]

Women are very confusing.

</end thread>

 

[Attackthebase]

Lmao, the one girl that messaged me on Cupid months ago that I was kinda interested in but she scared me with some odd pictures and comments she made in the profile updated her profile with some fairly good looking pics and better profile. Never replied to her so that sucks.

I actually laugh when that happens, since it's the exception to the rule. That has happened to me several times, and I'm always like "Oh shit. She wasn't another fat, ugly girl who messaged me." Then I shrug and continue my day.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

Yeah I just messaged someone for the first time on OkCupid after finally putting up a photo. Guess I just needed to get over that self-conscious hump.

I think you should take some time to put up some good pictures, do a few match questions, and write a good profile before messaging girls. You only get one chance to make a favourable first impression.

 

[~Kinggi~]

I don't think online dating is for me. Im just looking at all these profiles and whenever i find an interesting one a wave of fear just comes over me and i start thinking about how inferior i feel or how i have no idea what to do for a date or whatever else comes to mind. So many years of social abuse has instinctively taught me to expertly be good at going solo on everything and now that is just who i am. But i dont know what the alternative is either because in person im even worse. I've been trying to socialize more with people but its been a total failure. I always clam up and just go on my way. This is not good news.

fuck it im gonna message this one girl and see what happens. We are like a 1:1 match its spooky. But all the interesting ones seem to always be like 40 miles away

 

[Ghost_Protocol]

I've got a few question for any guys who've used match.com.....

1) Have you received replies back to any of your emails, and what would you estimate is your response rate?

2) How did the responses go? Did they talk about your profile, looks, hobbies, etc? What was the topic of conversation?

3) How successful have you been at elevating email conversations to meetings in person?


I've been on the site for about 3 weeks now, and I've come to the conclusion that it was made primarily as a brochure for women to sort through and see something they like. I have a hard time believing men have any control over what happens there whatsoever.

halp

 

[~Kinggi~]

I've got a few question for any guys who've used match.com.....

1) Have you received replies back to any of your emails, and what would you estimate is your response rate?

2) How did the responses go? Did they talk about your profile, looks, hobbies, etc? What was the topic of conversation?

3) How successful have you been at elevating email conversations to meetings in person?


I've been on the site for about 3 weeks now, and I've come to the conclusion that it was made primarily as a brochure for women to sort through and see something they like. I have a hard time believing men have any control over what happens there whatsoever.

halp

All online dating sites are like this. All of them.

Match is not good though. Here are expert tips from a very attractive female friend of mine who has used it;

-System doesnt always make it clear on people who arent members and cant reply back.
-Women get messages in insane amounts. It reduces the experience to looking at pictures of hot guys.
-And the big winner which i didnt realize; Match offers a refund deal based on success of matches or whatever, i dont know the full details, but her tactic was to message guys with no intention of following through just so she could get the refund.

 

[low-G]

Talked a lot with another female friend of mine, specifically about some guy she's trying to help in much the same way this thread is trying to help people. He's also a virgin, but he's one of those complainers, blaming women for everything, saying he's a nice guy, the works.

She showed me his profile, he looks more or less as good as me. His pictures were actually better, lots of great pics of him doing stuff. His profile had some weird stuff, some jokes and also some angry vindictive parts.

His whole problem. HIS WHOLE PROBLEM is all in his head. It seems so crazy. If he just stopped blaming this and that he'd be absolutely golden. Instead he hasn't had a single date in a time that I've had about 20 dates, had sex, made out with multiple women, blah blah blah, and this guy is literally no worse than me other than what's going on in his head.

It really struck me tonight. He must just think some mystical force is holding him back. He's blaming other people for his problems. All he has to do is be a little patient, know that he really is perfectly fine, and go out there and DO IT. He could get laid tomorrow if he simply knew where he actually IS.

It's funny, because while I realize I wasn't ever where he is mentally, I definitely had a similar experience. Telling a girl blah blah about me being a virgin. It's so simple, so irrelevant, once you realize it's simple.