Bam Bam Baklava
Member
Unfortunately the more I try the worse it seems to be getting. I used to be impulsive and a decent talker with okay jokes, now I'm becoming more timid and I could swear I'm developing a stutter. Shit is going backwards.
Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
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Unfortunately the more I try the worse it seems to be getting. I used to be impulsive and a decent talker with okay jokes, now I'm becoming more timid and I could swear I'm developing a stutter. Shit is going backwards.
Lol dude, you have the face of a model. I don't know if you're happy with the rest of your body but you aren't ugly.
The Antitype
Banned
Have you asked them for help? Like not tips (although those might help too), but actually going out with you, letting you see and hear how they act/approach, what they say? I learned a lot by watching my more confident friends talk to women. But first I had to just swallow my pride and tell them 'Guys, I need help with this.'
I'm still not great at it, mind you.
What I found works for me, is I think about what I'm going to do that night worst case scenario. The other night, I thought 'Ok, if I fuck up and don't talk to any women, or get shot down by everybody I talk to, then what? I'm going to come home and play Max Payne 3, which I've been wanting to get to all damn week!'
My happiness that night does not depend on how a chick responds to me. And if it happens I go home empty handed or after a ton of rejection, fine. I get to play a videogame. I fucking love videogames! And just by knowing that I'll have fun no matter what, I'm much looser around the girls I talk to.
Hahaha, I actually remember one time in 2010, around xmas. I was out with friends, and it was a guys night out so we were all getting pretty ripped. At one point late in the night, I actually told a girl straight up 'I think I'd rather go home and play Halo Reach and masturbate'. I wasn't trying to be mean, the alcohol just lubricated my honesty.
Sound advice, thanks for the reply.
Haha, I signed up for beautifulpeople.com when I saw it here because it sounded funny. I put up my most deceptively attractive photo of myself (I don't know how but it's the one photo that makes me look way more attractive than I actually am). I keep teetering on the edge of getting in and out.
Some of the people on this site are actually pretty ugly. It's hilarious.
Some of the people on this site are actually pretty ugly. It's hilarious.
Already a member for a year now.
Baki
Member
Full disclosure. This is more of a rant/live journal entry rather than a traditional post.
So I'm a pretty short guy. About 5ft5, and only till recently did I realise that the stereotype of height matters (with regards to girls) is actually true (and a big part of physical attraction for girls). So naturally I'm like fuck (before I didn't care), but I'm like whatever nothing I can do (except get built lmao). So fast forward to recently and I'm talking to my girlfriend (I'm taller than her, apparently thats a good thing) about what types of guys are attractive and she's like Will Smith etc.. (which btw, I am the complete opposite of.) and finally determine she just like guys that are athletic with a clean face (basically manly men). So then I ask her how would she describe me and she's like cute. Thing is, she has never described me as hot always as cute. And I guess it gets to me, I've always been described as cute. I was never 'hot'. I mean I have what a lot of people would say is a reasonably good looking face but because I'm short I've always been labeled as cute. I don't know, I just wish I met someone that thought I was hot. That when they came into a room, would instantly spot me. I know confidence is attractive but its hard to be confident when even my own girlfriend thinks I'm just cute.
/ end rant
So I'm a pretty short guy. About 5ft5, and only till recently did I realise that the stereotype of height matters (with regards to girls) is actually true (and a big part of physical attraction for girls). So naturally I'm like fuck (before I didn't care), but I'm like whatever nothing I can do (except get built lmao). So fast forward to recently and I'm talking to my girlfriend (I'm taller than her, apparently thats a good thing) about what types of guys are attractive and she's like Will Smith etc.. (which btw, I am the complete opposite of.) and finally determine she just like guys that are athletic with a clean face (basically manly men). So then I ask her how would she describe me and she's like cute. Thing is, she has never described me as hot always as cute. And I guess it gets to me, I've always been described as cute. I was never 'hot'. I mean I have what a lot of people would say is a reasonably good looking face but because I'm short I've always been labeled as cute. I don't know, I just wish I met someone that thought I was hot. That when they came into a room, would instantly spot me. I know confidence is attractive but its hard to be confident when even my own girlfriend thinks I'm just cute.
/ end rant
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
What if you got no one to help you or they don't want to?
Telling you man height doesn't matter. I know firsthand and I see short guys with nice girls all the damn time.
Vermillion
Banned
You're kind of a God.
Personally, I'll not stop obsessing over my looks until I can get rid of the gap in my fucking teeth.
The Antitype
Banned
I had a friend in this situation. Not short, but he was always the smiling, funny guy. And he felt like his girlfriend didn't really LUST for him. Felt she thought he was cute, and not hot.
I told him he should just tell her. One of our mutual friends, who never has problems with girls jumped in and said 'No! What?! Are you nuts?!' and told him instead to just start getting more and more aggressive with her in bed, physically (not hitting... unless you're with a girl that likes that I guess), just take charge, hold her down, pin her up against things, really toss her over when you change positions, yada yada.
Problem went away pretty quick.
If they don't want to, tell them they're being an asshole and remind them of all the times you've helped them with whatever when they asked for it. Friends help each other out.
If none of your friends have significantly more success than you, and you don't have anybody you can ask to 'model' behavior for you, then it's tougher. I guess you'd have to go out and meet people through mutual interests. Take classes for anything and everything, cooking to photography, to martial arts until you meet some friends that seem cool, and you're bound to find somebody who knows something about talking to women.
I'm honestly okay with my face and everything.
My teeth are horrible though, massively self-conscious about them considering how much importance American society puts on teeth. Mine are discolored due to too much fluoride as I grew up, and also are a bit crooked. They weren't bad enough that I needed braces but they were on the cusp I guess. Hate them.
Baki
Member
My girlfriend is very pretty, so that's not *really* my problem.
Hmmm...I see your point. But I just wish that I didn't have to do that for her to "lust" over me. Does that make sense??
Alright i just sent another nuke message to a cute female. Last one i sent got a reply and then she flaked out on the 2nd reply. I am so certain i will get a reply i would almost bet on it for this one. I mean i gots creativity in this bitch.
I will keep you informed on my next failure.
I will keep you informed on my next failure.
Thanks, I must've been doing something right I guess.
Hopefully things will be looking up soon!Good for youIf it seems like they're moving closer to you, it's generally on purpose, even if they don't know it themselves. Assume they are interested! Keep telling yourself that's what happens when you go out. They smile at you because they like what they see (not because of any lack of dancing skills). And they are always near you because they want your attention.
I agree on the music though. I don't know what kind of music there was last night of course but if it's anything similar to what's playing here, I know exactly how you feel xD Unfortunately, I've been clubbing so much lately that I've actually started to like the stuff and I currently have 7 David Guetta songs in my spotify playlist haha. So watch out for that
Edit: As for not being able to approach in that environment, I get that too. Getting someone's attention is really hard and there's no place to go and talk during the summer. Talking to strangers in that environment is still my biggest struggle even though I don't have a goal with the conversations, partly because it's physically hard to be heard there.
I'll try and go out with that mate of mine more often, since the past 2 times I've been out with him have been decent.
I'm just trying to think of ways of overcoming my approach anxiety, since that's one of the biggest things holding me back. I have this almost instinctual fear of approaching/initiating a conversation.
I really wish I could take my drunken self and put that personality to my sober self. This weekend was huge and I realized it's like night and day between the two.
When I'm sober I'm shy, don't say much or really think of much to say, and not outgoing. When I'm drunk I'm confident, funny, and outgoing but also without making a total ass of my self. One girl I've met a few times saw me drunk for the first time and was really amazed at how different I was and loved it.
When I'm sober I'm shy, don't say much or really think of much to say, and not outgoing. When I'm drunk I'm confident, funny, and outgoing but also without making a total ass of my self. One girl I've met a few times saw me drunk for the first time and was really amazed at how different I was and loved it.
Same thing for me. I imagine the same thing for a lot of people.
The only real solution is to become an alcoholic. Life improvement +500%
NihonTiger90
Member
Maybe I could use some kind words or some advice. I dunno. But I feel a bit like my attempts for the past 6 months to get back into the world of dating have been both successful (I have met several people) and a failure (I'm still single).
Maybe combined with the fact my friends are all moving away (and I'm 26, so this is not the same as high school or some bullshit like that) but I just don't feel motivated anymore. I don't think it is depression as I don't feel miserable and it's not immobilizing in any way, and I am okay with being able to make my own fun times on my own, but I feel like time has just run out and I'm only fooling myself that one of these girls will ever be serious about me.
I know I sound defeatist, but its hard for me to stay interested when it seems like I'm doing so much of the work and not getting much back in return at the moment.
Maybe combined with the fact my friends are all moving away (and I'm 26, so this is not the same as high school or some bullshit like that) but I just don't feel motivated anymore. I don't think it is depression as I don't feel miserable and it's not immobilizing in any way, and I am okay with being able to make my own fun times on my own, but I feel like time has just run out and I'm only fooling myself that one of these girls will ever be serious about me.
I know I sound defeatist, but its hard for me to stay interested when it seems like I'm doing so much of the work and not getting much back in return at the moment.
Question: I'm talking to this girl right but I'm not sure if I'm directing the conversion toward date mode and not friend mode. How do I keep conversation interesting and directed toward the right idea.
Aldo she asked me where I live and commented I was far does that mean anything?
Does it mean anything when a woman says "good luck love" or something to that effect?
Aldo she asked me where I live and commented I was far does that mean anything?
Does it mean anything when a woman says "good luck love" or something to that effect?
'Good luck' means she is moving on, 'you're far 'means she doesnt want to drive the distance.
Initiate date mode by asking for a phone # fairly early on.
hawkshockey11
Banned
I am the same. I have a good face (though I have had a little acne lately) and amazing hair, but my teeth and eyes are some things I am self-conscious about.
I have good shaped teeth but I just have dull teeth due to genetics (along with a receding gum line :/ I have very good teeth hygiene) . What I do is whiten them with a crest whitestrip every 3 days or so to maintain an ok color. My teeth caused me to never smile with teeth (more of a smirk) and I think it adds to my charm.
I wish my eyes were more bright and less red tinged as well, but it is only really noticeable in some lights.
Honestly though other people won't notice things like you do. Most unattractive features only really show if you see them every day and obsess over it which most people do not get to do.
Does that include "good luck studying" or "study hard love" we're both studying for the bar.
Also how much touching would be appropriate prior to dating? She told she won't hangouts together until after the bar which makes sense. However I don't know what things I need to do to move her in the desired direction. I got her number and I try to get her to go for a walk or a coffee break but she only will take breaks while at the school.
Should I just ask her if she is serious or just trying to not hurt my feelings?
Also after our last conversion she said see you tomorrow if you are here(as in school). What does that mean?
"Yeah, was a fun time. It was good meeting you, you seem like a good friend."
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
I felt the pain just reading that. Surely there's a better way.
Tell her it was nice but you gotta move somewhere in a few weeks or something. In the off chance she see's you back where you live just say you were visiting.
The good friend part is a little obvious there.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
There is no easy way out of it. Tell her you weren't feeling relationship potential, but you would like to hang out a lot more anyway though, if you sincerely feel that way.
You shouldn't beat around the bush. If you aren't interested then you aren't interested. Be upfront but nice. I'd be way more pissed off if someone lied and said they were moving then found out they didn't.
Thanks GAF, much appreciated. I'll try to be honest but nice. We had a good time I guess, but she asked nothing about me, felt like I was doing all the work asking about her the whole time.
On this note should a guy be more upfront about whether someone will go out with him or is she just stringing him along?
Ooh, I'm trying beautifulpeople.com, free assessment of my looks. It's a relatively good pic of me but I've lost weight since then and my hair looks better. I have a single 'no' so far.
Zero intention of actually using the site afterwards.
Not too serious but serious enough, moderate amount of people, fairly well designed.
Plenty of fish by contrast has shit tons of people but is designed like shit.
Zero intention of actually using the site afterwards.
Not too serious but serious enough, moderate amount of people, fairly well designed.
Plenty of fish by contrast has shit tons of people but is designed like shit.
Ugh my ex just wrote me an email, saying she doesn't know what to do. That she's in limbo, and while can't stand to see me walk away, it hurts too much for her to be close to me.
I've been trying to avoid contact and not say anything, but now I'm debating whether or not to respond. Particularly with what to say. Seems like psychological warfare at this point. Like some weird power struggle.
I've been trying to avoid contact and not say anything, but now I'm debating whether or not to respond. Particularly with what to say. Seems like psychological warfare at this point. Like some weird power struggle.
So there is no way I could get this woman if I live to far? Or is that her indication I should come to her?
Two of my closest friends (they formed a couple) had a break at one point... The whole story is a bit twisted (the gal actually went back with her ex-boyfriend for a couple of months), but in the end they came back together. I think it's been six years now, and they got married last year.
I guess what you need to get out of this is... there's no simple rule on that. It's on a case by case basis. But yea, giving your lady more space is a sound advice. You should also use this time to reflect on the situation yourself. Post-breakup regrets are frequent, but not rational at all so...
Awesome girl with whom I dropped the ball; and what I've learned: Confidence and aggressiveness is not everything. Do NOT be insecure, and do NOT put yourself on the pedestal.
I think it's quite possible to be confident and insecure at the same time. See: the jealous type. It's in the details. It's synonymous with being self-conscious.
I tried my damnest to impress her, invited her to too many events, and I now see how I came off as arrogant, prideful, and how it probably made her sick. Her exact words, "You're trying too hard." Those words felt like a light switch, so sudden, yet I should've seen it coming. What I'd give to rewind 24 hours. She saw right through me, how I wasn't acting myself. I was aiming for this unrealistic person.
It's funny because I'm not like this at all, I'm generally positive. I'm a lover. But with her, I just had this idea in the back of my mind, "impress her, impress her." In every conversation we had I just had to slip in a pre-conceived quip I had about myself, about my travel plans, the cool shit I do, the cool shit I will do, and how I'm a fucking artist. Everything I had to say had to be gospel and that was ultimately my downfall.
I think it's quite possible to be confident and insecure at the same time. See: the jealous type. It's in the details. It's synonymous with being self-conscious.
I tried my damnest to impress her, invited her to too many events, and I now see how I came off as arrogant, prideful, and how it probably made her sick. Her exact words, "You're trying too hard." Those words felt like a light switch, so sudden, yet I should've seen it coming. What I'd give to rewind 24 hours. She saw right through me, how I wasn't acting myself. I was aiming for this unrealistic person.
It's funny because I'm not like this at all, I'm generally positive. I'm a lover. But with her, I just had this idea in the back of my mind, "impress her, impress her." In every conversation we had I just had to slip in a pre-conceived quip I had about myself, about my travel plans, the cool shit I do, the cool shit I will do, and how I'm a fucking artist. Everything I had to say had to be gospel and that was ultimately my downfall.
Damn, tried two different pics on beautifulpeople.com, my older pic didn't get any approvals over 15 mins. Took a quick pic here in front of my PC at the same time and I got 5-6 approvals, and about probably 20-25 disapprovals in the same time.
If you can equal that out or get approved you got no right complaining about the way you look. Although I did see a few guys on there that made me really wonder how they got on there.
If you can equal that out or get approved you got no right complaining about the way you look. Although I did see a few guys on there that made me really wonder how they got on there.
sounds like me. They call me adorable which imo is worse, but over the last few years I've accepted my shortness so it doesn't bother me as much anymore.
Vermillion
Banned
Nvm
I'm a tall guy and I have the same exact feelings, I know exactly what you mean. Personally I think for me it's going to come down to wearing flashier clothes, working on my body, and doing some basic style stuff with my hair and such.
I get the 'cute' so much and I don't think I've ever been called sexy, maybe got called hot once or twice, I can't remember for sure.
I think it bares mentioning that sometimes when you hear girls talking about really hot guys you hear them say 'he's cute' more than anything else. I think 'cute' means more to a girl. Although the only girls I am interested in dating are also 'cute'.
Oye. Girlfriend upset with me, I don't get it. Help me understand. This weekend:
- Friday she came over and we watched movies til late. The next morning we did an early hike. This is after a long ass week of a new job. I also saw her twice earlier in the week, staying out til one when I leave for work at six.
- That night, I accidentally fall asleep while we're sitting around on my bed. She leaves abruptly and pissed-off, even though she's been saying 'You're tired. Just tell me when to go home'. I walk her out and she abruptly hussles to the car
- She forgot her drivers license and debit card at my house. So the next day, I drive 40 minutes to drop them off to her after she gets off work. She asks me to come in but I have to go because I had plans to meet for coffee with an old friend and her new fiance (she knew about this and it had been postponed from the week before, so well planned out).
Now she's hardly talking to me and texting me back. Like, I even apologized for falling asleep and she admitted to being grumpy and bolting. That was Saturday. Now it's even worse. What.
- Friday she came over and we watched movies til late. The next morning we did an early hike. This is after a long ass week of a new job. I also saw her twice earlier in the week, staying out til one when I leave for work at six.
- That night, I accidentally fall asleep while we're sitting around on my bed. She leaves abruptly and pissed-off, even though she's been saying 'You're tired. Just tell me when to go home'. I walk her out and she abruptly hussles to the car
- She forgot her drivers license and debit card at my house. So the next day, I drive 40 minutes to drop them off to her after she gets off work. She asks me to come in but I have to go because I had plans to meet for coffee with an old friend and her new fiance (she knew about this and it had been postponed from the week before, so well planned out).
Now she's hardly talking to me and texting me back. Like, I even apologized for falling asleep and she admitted to being grumpy and bolting. That was Saturday. Now it's even worse. What.
shanshan310
Member
Firstly I want to say that really, height doesn't matter that much. As long as you are even a little taller than her, most girls don't actually notice. One of my friends is fairly tall for a girl, and she cares less about the guy being too short and more about herself looking too tall. Plus you get all the benefits of kissing without neck problems, looking good standing next to your lady, and being able to more easily have sex.
Secondly, types don't mean much - especially when girls mention a celebrity they like. Most people are attracted to a variety of looks anyway. What people find attractive in celebrities doesn't always match up to who they want to date. She's obviously attracted to you or you wouldn't be dating! And for the 'hot' thing. I think it sounds so... contrived. I use hot to talk about celebrities, but I wouldn't use it to describe my boyfriend, even though I do think so. Cute is not a bad word - cute can be sexy.
Fell on the end of the page. Sorry for reposting:
"Oye. Girlfriend upset with me, I don't get it. Help me understand. This weekend:
- Friday she came over and we watched movies til late. The next morning we did an early hike. This is after a long ass week of a new job. I also saw her twice earlier in the week, staying out til one when I leave for work at six.
- That night, I accidentally fall asleep while we're sitting around on my bed. She leaves abruptly and pissed-off, even though she's been saying 'You're tired. Just tell me when to go home'. I walk her out and she abruptly hussles to the car
- She forgot her drivers license and debit card at my house. So the next day, I drive 40 minutes to drop them off to her after she gets off work. She asks me to come in but I have to go because I had plans to meet for coffee with an old friend and her new fiance (she knew about this and it had been postponed from the week before, so well planned out).
Now she's hardly talking to me and texting me back. Like, I even apologized for falling asleep and she admitted to being grumpy and bolting. That was Saturday. Now it's even worse. What."
"Oye. Girlfriend upset with me, I don't get it. Help me understand. This weekend:
- Friday she came over and we watched movies til late. The next morning we did an early hike. This is after a long ass week of a new job. I also saw her twice earlier in the week, staying out til one when I leave for work at six.
- That night, I accidentally fall asleep while we're sitting around on my bed. She leaves abruptly and pissed-off, even though she's been saying 'You're tired. Just tell me when to go home'. I walk her out and she abruptly hussles to the car
- She forgot her drivers license and debit card at my house. So the next day, I drive 40 minutes to drop them off to her after she gets off work. She asks me to come in but I have to go because I had plans to meet for coffee with an old friend and her new fiance (she knew about this and it had been postponed from the week before, so well planned out).
Now she's hardly talking to me and texting me back. Like, I even apologized for falling asleep and she admitted to being grumpy and bolting. That was Saturday. Now it's even worse. What."
I find if you're pretty reasonable and she is, just tell her that. She might enjoy you being honest with her.
shanshan310
Member
She's just upset and wants to spend more time with you. Yes she is being silly and unreasonable, but she'll come round. Do you have more time to spend with her this week?
hawkshockey11
Banned
I only get cute compliments. The only time I get "hot" ones is when I have my shirt off.
Focus on getting a job first. Priorities!
- Status