I had this experience with someone a while back. We started things off slow. I always use to make fun of her over the years due to her looks. After like 2-3 weeks of dating, I couldn't stop looking at her. She grew on me somehow and she was really beautiful to me. So if you think you're at the end of the road, then let her go. If theres any doubt though, go on another date or two, whats the harm? Attraction can certainly grow. It did for me.
Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
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I had this experience with someone a while back. We started things off slow. I always use to make fun of her over the years due to her looks. After like 2-3 weeks of dating, I couldn't stop looking at her. She grew on me somehow and she was really beautiful to me. So if you think you're at the end of the road, then let her go. If theres any doubt though, go on another date or two, whats the harm? Attraction can certainly grow. It did for me.
hawkshockey11
Banned
I got a lot of connections that include girls through my job. Join a club for something you like or want to get into. Photography, art, etc, are good choices.
Boozeroony
Member
You know what to do then.
I am signing up for beautiful people .com. Am I doing it right?
Vanessa is clearly a man.
Do something that you can have fun with other people. Girls are always attracted to people having a good time.
Count Dookkake
Member
Dude you look like Bradley Cooper. Not real surprised that you got in to a site like that.
I'm really curious to try this but if I ended up with mainly "not" I'd be real bummed out.
Some of the girls on BeautifulPeople.com are not beautiful. I'm not going to share pics of some of the girls I just saw that are verified members, but that site just shows how silly people can be when obsessing over one's looks.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I know some odd looking guys that have gorgeous girlfriends that they get because of their personality. Confidence goes a long way in dating, so don't obsess over little flaws because it's likely no one else notices them but you.
Plus, not everyone photographs well. I don't photograph well unless all the proper lighting and whatnot is done. I did some minor model shoots while in college and I'm certainly nothing special. My arrogant personality doesn't help much with the ladies, either.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I know some odd looking guys that have gorgeous girlfriends that they get because of their personality. Confidence goes a long way in dating, so don't obsess over little flaws because it's likely no one else notices them but you.
Plus, not everyone photographs well. I don't photograph well unless all the proper lighting and whatnot is done. I did some minor model shoots while in college and I'm certainly nothing special. My arrogant personality doesn't help much with the ladies, either.
This is a good lesson to learn, but it's not exactly the lesson you stated in your first sentence. You were anything but confident - if you're confident, you don't have to convince her that you are awesome, you know it and you know she will figure it out on her own. In other words, if you are so insecure that you are actively trying to impress her, you're doing it wrong.
Baki
Member
I am signing up for beautiful people .com. Am I doing it right?
I signed up an hour ago, managed to get in. But I don't understand how the rating system works. Can anyone explain?
Wow, what a kick to the fucking face. The girl I was a date with just last weekend and has been chatting a lot to for a few weeks before that just updates her facebook saying she's in a relationship with someone else. Doesn't even bother telling me. She's even chatting to me now like nothing has happened. What the fuck, man? I feel like a total loser. I guess I wasn't good enough on the date or something, I thought I went alright. Guess not cause I'm yesterdays trash now. Fuck dating. I hate this shit.
We went to the movies. It seemed pretty damn clear. We had flirted before, even her asking if I wanted to be in bed with her...so yeah, not really friends there. And I kissed her goodnight after the date. I had said I didn't want to do anything serious over texting or IM so we should meet, which we did.
I can't make you feel better, but I can tell you the truth: This happens to all guys, to various degrees. All of us, you, me, her, the next girl, we're all comparing everyone else to everyone else, sizing up who's the best. Or, for some of us, who we can get.
Just take some solace in this fact: You were on her list of potentials, the other guy just was better. That's all it was.
And let's not kid ourselves; if you had this girl and, oh, Kim Kardashian/Kate Upton/whoever you like/etc. to compare her to...you'd probably choose Miss K.
Have you been reading the thread? Half the guys have said the same story as you. It's happened before and it'll keep happening with this crowd.
Opus Angelorum
Member
Well that seems a bit forward to me, not sure what her intentions were by saying that.
I don't know her personality or yours or even how good your relationship is, so any advice would be incredibly vague.
That being said, women like feeling special. However you do it, make her feel like she's the only girl in the entire world that matters, presumably with something uniquely hers. Tell her that's the reason (amongst many others, obviously) that you love her.
As for you, I don't know if this will work since I don't know you, but you can say that you want to know what your own uniqueness is and why you're the only one for her. Perhaps it'll strengthen your relationship when you reveal what makes you both special to each other out of the sea of other special people.
Opus Angelorum
Member
Personally I would explain to her why you questioned it.
Not knowing your specific situation, you have asked this because:
1. Something has happened/been said to make you wary
2. You don't feel loved enough (Affection)
If it's the former, think carefully before pursuing it. Make sure there is good reasoning.
If it's the latter, tell her.
Explain how much you love her, and that the attention/affection she isn't showing you is making you afraid of loosing her.
Pollux
Member
First of all this is not a girl I'm interested in dating or hooking up with. But I figure I'll ask this here nonetheless.
I met a girl yesterday who goes to te same law school that I do and we talked about school for a few minutes and she suggested we get together in the next day or so and do lunch. I can't do lunch at all this week but I can meet up today after work. Is shooting her a message on Facebook saying something like, "I can't do lunch today but do you want to meet at XXXXXX after work for some food/drinks?". Obviously I would put a little more than that, but my main question...even I I'm not interested in this girl to date or to hookup with, is the next day still too soon to suggest a meet-up?
And that's not to say I would not be open to a hookup at all but she's extremely Catholic so that option is probably off the table and I'm only in town for another 2 months and just out of a 4 year relationship so Hell no to the dating option. I don't plan in dating for a while, I want to enjoy being single again.
And to everyone in this thread who talked sense into me during my breakup a month or so ago...thanks. Y'all definitely helped get my head back on straight.
And a second question, how long are guys supposed to wait after a breakup before hooking up with other girls? I've heard different things on this, and the breakup was mostly her idea but it was mutual. Were still friends and she gave me he Wii as a "breakup present" lol.
I met a girl yesterday who goes to te same law school that I do and we talked about school for a few minutes and she suggested we get together in the next day or so and do lunch. I can't do lunch at all this week but I can meet up today after work. Is shooting her a message on Facebook saying something like, "I can't do lunch today but do you want to meet at XXXXXX after work for some food/drinks?". Obviously I would put a little more than that, but my main question...even I I'm not interested in this girl to date or to hookup with, is the next day still too soon to suggest a meet-up?
And that's not to say I would not be open to a hookup at all but she's extremely Catholic so that option is probably off the table and I'm only in town for another 2 months and just out of a 4 year relationship so Hell no to the dating option. I don't plan in dating for a while, I want to enjoy being single again.
And to everyone in this thread who talked sense into me during my breakup a month or so ago...thanks. Y'all definitely helped get my head back on straight.
And a second question, how long are guys supposed to wait after a breakup before hooking up with other girls? I've heard different things on this, and the breakup was mostly her idea but it was mutual. Were still friends and she gave me he Wii as a "breakup present" lol.
Opus Angelorum
Member
As she was the one who asked you to meet up , I think offering an alternative is fine. I would explain that you are not in town for much longer and would like to go out as much as possible, socially.
I went on a date with my partner three weeks after my previous relationship (3+ years). Depends how you feel, life is too short in my opinion to wait.
gotta respond to this because I am facepalming. You didn't show confidence. You showed insecurity. No you cannot be both. You said it yourself, you were trying too hard to impress her... trying to invite her to too many events, slip in how awesome you are at every turn, bring up cool stuff you do. That is NOT confidence. That reeks insecurity.
A confident person has nothing to prove. He does not need to impress a girl. You can be modest, humble, nice and still be confident at the same time.
I see now that I had this faux idea of confidence. Totally. Once again, I'm never like this to anyone else. She really caught me off guard because she's so well travelled, independent, and super smart. Everything I want to do in the next five years, she's done, it's crazy. So yes, I had this fire of inadequacy burning inside me and I goofed big time.
Great learning experience. And the saying, "be yourself," has never rung truer since now.
I'm much like you, only I wouldn't be referred to as "hot" when I take my shirt off... yet.
Having said that I've only been called cute a couple of times.
I am signing up for beautiful people .com. Am I doing it right?
Oh, but see that's Canada.
Rubbish King
The gift that keeps on giving
So i saw a both of them again, and i actually realised I've got so much in common with Girl A then i thought, which is making all this a lot harder, i have so much fun with her, its making this a whole lot more complicated...
So now its kinda like
GIRL A: She's fun and flirty and makes me laugh, she's a lot more like me though, lil nerdy and inexperienced like me so it could be interesting
GIRL B: Its a lot more intimate and intense, we still have a laugh, but i get the feeling it will be a lot more serious, i have no problem with that, but its a little daunting..
What d'ya think?
EDIT: Also with girl A i am totally myself and with girl B I'm kinda reserved, because I'm not sure she'd fully appreciate my strangeness
...just incase that is relevantSanky Panky
Banned
Been on Girl A team since the beginning. Sounds like GF material.
Seems like you just really wanna bang girl B.
Seems like you just really wanna bang girl B.
Attackthebase
Member
So i saw a both of them again, and i actually realised I've got so much in common with Girl A then i thought, which is making all this a lot harder, i have so much fun with her, its making this a whole lot more complicated...
So now its kinda like
GIRL A: She's fun and flirty and makes me laugh, she's a lot more like me though, lil nerdy and inexperienced like me so it could be interesting
GIRL B: Its a lot more intimate and intense, we still have a laugh, but i get the feeling it will be a lot more serious, i have no problem with that, but its a little daunting..
What d'ya think?
EDIT: Also with girl A i am totally myself and with girl B I'm kinda reserved, because I'm not sure she'd fully appreciate my strangeness
It's important to be comfortable around the person you are dating, so I am saying girl A is the better choice for you, at least if your aim is a long-term relationship.
If you simply want some fun, Girl B might be the better choice.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
I think if you write a list of pros and cons, leave it for a day or two, and then revisit the list, you'll find that you subconsciously made a decision already.
It seems to me that you'll be better off with Girl A for now.
It seems to me that you'll be better off with Girl A for now.
Rubbish King
The gift that keeps on giving
definitely gave me that fuzzy feeling reading this
this has been a weird few days i must say..well..... I'm probably meeting girl A tomorrow, i think I'm gonna get to know her a lil better before i go anywhere
needless to say, as for girl B, i won't be closing that door until i have to :L ill be back datingGAF! you've been great!Attackthebase
Member
definitely gave me that fuzzy feeling reading this
well..... I'm probably meeting girl A tomorrow, i think I'm gonna get to know her a lil better before i go anywhere
Nothing wrong with both until you enter the exclusive relationship territory. Have fun, man. ;-)
my ex calls me to tell me how she met some guy she was talking to off fourchan in europe for a day and essentially blew him in the park while it was raining.
then when i try talking to her but don't really have much to say she doesn't really respond to anything, sounding disinterested in any conversation im trying to start.
and basically says i was boring her and says she's going to bed.
part of me is going "am i so boring that i can't keep a conversation going? I don't have nearly as many interesting things going on in my life maybe thats it"
and part of me is going, "she knew him for a month, fooled around with him in person, tells me about it and misses him and she'll never see him again. why is she telling me this"
then when i try talking to her but don't really have much to say she doesn't really respond to anything, sounding disinterested in any conversation im trying to start.
and basically says i was boring her and says she's going to bed.
part of me is going "am i so boring that i can't keep a conversation going? I don't have nearly as many interesting things going on in my life maybe thats it"
and part of me is going, "she knew him for a month, fooled around with him in person, tells me about it and misses him and she'll never see him again. why is she telling me this"
Rubbish King
The gift that keeps on giving
my ex calls me to tell me how she met some guy she was talking to off fourchan in europe for a day and essentially blew him in the park while it was raining.
then when i try talking to her but don't really have much to say she doesn't really respond to anything, sounding disinterested in any conversation im trying to start.
and basically says i was boring her and says she's going to bed.
part of me is going "am i so boring that i can't keep a conversation going? I don't have nearly as many interesting things going on in my life maybe thats it"
and part of me is going, "she knew him for a month, fooled around with him in person, tells me about it and misses him and she'll never see him again. why is she telling me this"
Is there a part of you that asks yourself why you continue to answer her calls?
Rubbish King
The gift that keeps on giving
that too
my ex calls me to tell me how she met some guy she was talking to off fourchan in europe for a day and essentially blew him in the park while it was raining.
then when i try talking to her but don't really have much to say she doesn't really respond to anything, sounding disinterested in any conversation im trying to start.
and basically says i was boring her and says she's going to bed.
part of me is going "am i so boring that i can't keep a conversation going? I don't have nearly as many interesting things going on in my life maybe thats it"
and part of me is going, "she knew him for a month, fooled around with him in person, tells me about it and misses him and she'll never see him again. why is she telling me this"
In my experience, women will do crazy things to hurt you. For example - my ex a few years back ended the relationship, and then proceeded to bang some guy she had just met that night. After telling me all about it, she then would not stop calling me for days.
Finally I just said to hell with it, and told her to stop contacting me. I later learned that she had borderline personality disorder, and is now married to this mouth-breather she hooked up. Needless to say, I'm really glad she's out of my life.
Sanky Panky
Banned
my ex calls me to tell me how she met some guy she was talking to off fourchan in europe for a day and essentially blew him in the park while it was raining.
That's your only problem. Don't let her make you think you are boring. She sounds like a manipulative biotch. Cut ALL ties.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
Don't take this so hard. I've done it and had it done to me. People that other people want to be with will be in demand, and you should never assume you're the one until it gets official. Brush it off and use it as experience to take dating less seriously from now on.
I really want to tell her I know all about her fucking someone else a week after breaking up with me. I know she told me and others "I'm too good for her, she can't date me because she doesn't deserve me" but then she flirts online with any guy who wants to see her tits, and talks to that guy for a month, hangs out with him since they were 40 minutes away, blows him in the park and decides to tell me. You'd think she'd be like "oh we're just friends, I can tell him that" but she doesn't tell her close friends her slutty behavior. She tells me she wants to date this guy named daniel, because it wouldn't be serious and she wouldn't care if she hurt his feelings, but then hurts mine by telling me things that obviously would get me jealous/upset. But then she goes "oh i jerked off on cam with some random guy, teehee" as if I'm supposed to play along and go "it's so bad you're doing this with random guys like a skank, here lemme flirt with you"
Thinking back, I think she got bored because when she told me about that guy, I basically went "oh that's nice, im glad you had fun". After that she didn't really want to talk, and I had nothing really to say because anything I tried mentioning she was just like "mmhmm" lazily. I didn't give her the reaction she wanted so she lost interest.
Thinking back, I think she got bored because when she told me about that guy, I basically went "oh that's nice, im glad you had fun". After that she didn't really want to talk, and I had nothing really to say because anything I tried mentioning she was just like "mmhmm" lazily. I didn't give her the reaction she wanted so she lost interest.
my ex calls me to tell me how she met some guy she was talking to off fourchan in europe for a day and essentially blew him in the park while it was raining.
then when i try talking to her but don't really have much to say she doesn't really respond to anything, sounding disinterested in any conversation im trying to start.
and basically says i was boring her and says she's going to bed.
part of me is going "am i so boring that i can't keep a conversation going? I don't have nearly as many interesting things going on in my life maybe thats it"
and part of me is going, "she knew him for a month, fooled around with him in person, tells me about it and misses him and she'll never see him again. why is she telling me this"
Dude never talk to her again. Is it really so important to hear from her?
BurningNad
Member
my ex calls me to tell me how she met some guy she was talking to off fourchan in europe for a day and essentially blew him in the park while it was raining.
then when i try talking to her but don't really have much to say she doesn't really respond to anything, sounding disinterested in any conversation im trying to start.
and basically says i was boring her and says she's going to bed.
part of me is going "am i so boring that i can't keep a conversation going? I don't have nearly as many interesting things going on in my life maybe thats it"
and part of me is going, "she knew him for a month, fooled around with him in person, tells me about it and misses him and she'll never see him again. why is she telling me this"
Time to cut your ties with her. Why would you talk to an ex who calls you up to tell you she blew some random guy? Why? Don't be a sucker.
Smelly Tramp
Member
what the fuck, if any girl told me this. a family member, a friend, an ex, etc, i'd cut any of them off. that's some disgusting slutty shit that sluts should keep to themselves.
you just let her throw that in your face when you're on the phone to her? how weak are you?
-ImaginaryInsider
Member
I'm in my late 20s, and it amazes me how many broken girls there are in my age group. The lastest one approached me, gave me her number, so I called her, she was excited when I asked her out...then 30 minutes later she posts a weird fb status about fighting with herself over being able to trust again. This is 3rd girl in the 25+ range to openly flaked.
Whats worse is cause I'm not on fb, they discount our mutual female friends sending me their status...So then I have to pretend to believe their insane excuses.
(a) If you aren't ready to date, don't try to date.
(b) Just be honest if you wig, I've been there too.
If this crap doesn't stop, I'm going to start dating 19 year olds again.
Whats worse is cause I'm not on fb, they discount our mutual female friends sending me their status...So then I have to pretend to believe their insane excuses.
(a) If you aren't ready to date, don't try to date.
(b) Just be honest if you wig, I've been there too.
If this crap doesn't stop, I'm going to start dating 19 year olds again.
-ImaginaryInsider
Member
Vigilant Walrus
Member
my ex calls me to tell me how she met some guy she was talking to off fourchan in europe for a day and essentially blew him in the park while it was raining.
then when i try talking to her but don't really have much to say she doesn't really respond to anything, sounding disinterested in any conversation im trying to start.
and basically says i was boring her and says she's going to bed.
part of me is going "am i so boring that i can't keep a conversation going? I don't have nearly as many interesting things going on in my life maybe thats it"
and part of me is going, "she knew him for a month, fooled around with him in person, tells me about it and misses him and she'll never see him again. why is she telling me this"
Not a very classy way to go about it.
1) Realistically do *you* want to ever be with a person who does this to people that care about them? Would you ever want to be this type of person that needlessly calls up an ex and almost brags about having performed oral sex on another human being? Do you think it's good morales?
If not, then you can thank her. You can thank her for having done you a favor by her revealing her true colors. Love is temporary, but character is forever.
Yes, people *do* change but it takes immense efforts and if it happens at all, years usually.
2) What does she achieve by saying these things to you? Her private life is hers, and has nothing to do with you. The fact that she then insults you afterwards! Realistically it says a lot about her character and her selfworth, and not anything about you.
If she contacts you again, you stand up for yourself. Be in control of your own emotions, be the bigger man, and don't let her get the best of you. There is no reason to be angry. She did you a favor. It's a great thing that you now know for certain that she was defintely not a long term prospect.
It doesn't mean you have to hate her, or denie the good times you had together. It just means that you can go on from here and heal. Take the time to distance yourself, and I promise you. I absolutely promise you that one day not far from now, you will be so indifferent about her, that you won't even recognize what you thought was so special about her in the first place.
That's a promise.
3) Remember this; Surplus can only be expected of the strong. It will always be the smaller man/woman who reduces themselves to cheap tricks like trying to make someone jealous of them. It doesn't increase anyones value. Not really. She must have problems with herself for her to need to try and force a reaction out of you.
4) It's true that women are capable, of literally going out the next day and just have sex with some new guy. It doesn't mean he is superman or better than you. It just means that whatever is new, is exciting. They can rationalize it in so many ways how its not slutty and it's special and whatever.
The key is to try and not take it personally. It's just sex. Studies have shown regarding divorces that men are much more likely to remain in love with their spouse all the way up to the actual divorce, where as women have decided long before that they don't love the husband before the divorce.
It can (perhaps) help us understand that women are indeed different. A woman will sometimes get more hurt if you say you have feelings for someone else, as opposed to having had meaningless one night stands with someone else. I think men can be different. Because we are definitely capable of being in love with multiple women at the same time, so we are not as hurt by that. But we are a lot more hurt when we don't have sexual exclusivity. I think it's a primal urge, because we have a sense of ownership. We own that vagina, and some stranger is parking his meat in our oven!
I know a guy who is an insane player. He has slept with an amazing amount of women. He is handsome I guess, and he dresses cool, and he sort of works out too, but the thing that gets me is this - Even with all his success of women, getting rejected still makes him furious, and angry as someone who has little luck with women. It's an important reminder that if we want to be more emotionally independent of becoming train wrecks from who and when other people chooses to fuck someone other than us, that the solution might not come from getting more confidence through scoring or getting phone numbers... but perhaps working on ourselves?
We all rationalize it - 3,5 Billion Vaginaz. Perhaps 200-500 millions of those are potential prospects. However, we still often feel its the end of the world, and the ultimate betrayel when they fuck someone else. Maybe we really are looking at monogamy wrong?
Dan Savage on this; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fm9Bwpxy4V0
Vigilant Walrus
Member
Do you really think this?
What is a person to do if he/she is trying to improve herself? At a certain point, it has dwelve into social ties. At a certain point, a person has to be brave and try to do it. I don't think people should be discouraged from trying.
Those experiences sounded weird and disappointing. I feel for you. Are you sure that you are not being overly persuasive in some way? Did they really want to date you, or was there a reason for second guessing?
Some women are also just intimidated by guys. They can easily get freaked out if they are really unsure about something. I don't know you, so I have no idea, but if this happens 3 times in a row, could it be a pattern?
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