Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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The most relevant piece for Dating-Age is that even the guys who think they send original messages, end up sending the same original message as 200 other guys. Considering the amount of guys on here complaining about not getting a response, I think it's a valid point of info.

I just make up bullshit multiple-choice 'personality' tests when I message them, and spout truisms at them when they pick an answer.

Works well. Buy a copy of cosmo or look online for any generic 'personality test', pick one question, tailor it to suit your needs and go.

I have a go-to where I basically offer them four choices of a first date, off the bat, and tell them the test will help me decide if they're cool or trouble. I can qualify them based on an answer too. If they go for the one with shopping and an expensive restaurant, delete, not my type. If they go for the one with waist-high jenga after watching a hockey game, I'm in.

Worked on this girl (along with lots of teasing about how she talks/writes like a guy):

http://pics.pof.com/dating/120/70/xddkzvg00u_218777159.jpg
http://pics.pof.com/dating/120/46/ihyfmfo1fc_218776097.jpg
 
Recently, I slipped and fell over while walking with some friends and a cutie, who we had just met that night. She turned around, saw me sprawled out on the street and laughed at me, asking "What are you, like 50?"

I was pretty embarrassed, but I brushed myself off and caught up with the group.

I still got in her pants by the end of the night.

Don't let insults or past failures ruin you.
 
Guys... Women will chase you when you give them the chance. And stop believing the crap that it can't happen to "95% of all guys". Believing that is what's keeping it from happening to you. Midnights, as long as you refer to yourself as ugly, that's what you're going to appear as to most people. Remember, I used to think the exact same thing not that long ago.
 
For a thread that's all about Positivity, Confidence, and not being a "Nice Guy", this thread's been depressing lately. From my own personal experience, the best thing to do is kick oneself out of the house. I haven't gone outside since Sunday until today when I decided kick myself out the house to go the gym because it's a beautiful day outside. Now I'm gonna bathe, and head out again to Lord knows where, but I need to get myself out of the house. I'm gonna go the gym for the next 3 days early to motivate myself to go outside. Seriously guys, get off GAF, and go soak up some Vitamin D; it's the best medicine.

I think some kind of a weekly social challenge needs to made up ala the monthly Writing challenge thread/Photography challenge thread and report back. That would definitely encourage people participate and try to be social. EviLore's "Do something interesting today" thread was pretty damn good (I didn't participate in it though).
 
I would post pics all day if I didn't know people IRL that visit these boards and would love to hear some of these things about me so they can give me a hard time about it (yes people like this still exist in case you guys forgot). Also you should realize that anyone can make themselves look way better or way worse in a single picture depending on lighting/angles so it's not a fair representation. What I do know is I've had people recently call me a 2/10, tell me I look like I'm wasting away, make fun of various physical features of mine, tell me I got a weird voice and so on. I'm either the real deal or I have been unfortunate enough to be around all these types of people who would think I'm ugly my entire life.

This will be my last post regarding this matter. So please, I implore you to re-read what I already wrote. Most of which you seemingly ignored. Although that's no surprise - as Izick has done the same. In fact, there's another thread on GAF with a young man who is bi-polar and depressed. Despite everyone's constant support and encouragement - he refuses to (in my estimation) legitimately get help or want to change. Thus, it's a never-ending cycle of him lamenting himself, the way he looks and his life all together. Awfully familiar to this thread isn't it?

It's not normal behavior to consistently hate the way that you look. Regardless of what other people say towards you. Sure what they say may hurt, but until you get into treatment and educate yourself on why you already think that way, then nothing will ever change. Guess what Midnights - I have plenty (I'm sure we all know someone)...PLENTY of friends who are not good looking. Some have short-comings (even disabilities) equaling or surpassing yours. One even has fucking ALS and can't even move his limbs. And you know what? Most of them are happy. Most of them are in committed relationships. You know why? Because they're not suffering from clinical issues which are depriving their quality of life. The few that aren't happy are at least in treatment - which is where you and others need to be.

Take the girl in here (Leness[sp?] I believe) She hates the way she looks too. Yet unlike your case - everyone collectively drooled over here and told her how beautiful she was. I'm sure plenty of creeps sent her private messages. Guess what? I didn't fucking matter. Perhaps it made her feel better temporarily or in the moment. In the end, she still has the same negative self-image of herself. And will continue to do so until she too receives professional guidance.

These thoughts, actions and behaviors are not logical. They are not rational. By all means, continue doing whatever you're doing. See how far that takes you. I guarantee you that if you refuse to get help, that in a year from now - you will be no better off than you are today. You may actually be worse. No matter if you get plastic surgery or go to the gym every day. No matter if we get the entire community to come in here and support you. It's up to you to take the necessary steps to improve and maintain your mental health.

There are plenty of people in the depression thread that have gone through, or are going through similar things. If you choose to ignore everything I've already said - at the very least - starting posting in there. Otherwise let us resume posting in here talking about actual relationships again.

Remember nothing happens overnight. Psychotherapy is expensive, hard and it will take time. However, talk to anyone who has gone through it. Myself included. A good therapist has the capacity to help you in ways you can't even begin to imagine. To help show you who you actually are. All of the errors in your thinking. There job is to help mold, balance, and hopefully change your life. If you're open to this idea and act on it - then you can find happiness. Genuine happiness, and not artificial boosts from your consciousness, friends of people on the internet. That much I promise you.

In closing Izick, Midnights or Leeness I wish you all the best - I really do.
 
Take the girl in here (Leness[sp?] I believe) She hates the way she looks too. Yet unlike your case - everyone collectively drooled over here and told her how beautiful she was. I'm sure plenty of creeps sent her private messages. Guess what? I didn't fucking matter. Perhaps it made her feel better temporarily or in the moment. In the end, she still has the same negative self-image of herself. And will continue to do so until she too receives professional guidance.

I think she still lurks this thread, but yeah, she doesn't want to and there is nothing we can do about it. She has to really want to change, and it's not by lamenting her current situation.

Stalker-GAF will always send PMs to cute girls anyway.
 
I wasn't going to post but I have to set something straight after bjb's post. Leeness and Izick seem reluctant to put themselves out there, Izick hasn't even tried to get a girl yet. I put myself out there often, I talk to people often, I go outside and do things often. When I wake up everyday I don't feel bad at all, I feel great. But I go out there and I deal with rejection all the time and not just rejection but ridicule. Yeah it sucks but I still try, I ask people if they want to hang out only to get ambiguous answers or downright no's. I look at myself in the mirror and I don't even think I'm ugly but apparently a lot of other people do so I guess it's my word against theirs. You would have to be insane to deal with the cold shoulders I get and not have it affect you at all. That's why I came here, because after a while it gets to me.

I would also like to point out that being the kind of person that has tried so many things to try and change things around I have also seen therapists a number of times and told them all the things I have been saying in this thread and they could not find anything clinically wrong with me. My self-esteem was average according to them but I am more than willing to go again. The difference between me and combine, Izick, etc is that I try every suggestion that sounds like a good idea to better myself.

Alright now it's time for me to get out of here. I am not posting this expecting responses I just wanted to set the record straight so let's not continue this madness.
 

apologizes if you posted it here, but how old are you midnights? The reason why I ask is that if people are downright ridiculing you, then you're hanging out with the wrong crowd. It sounds downright juvenile and I can see why that would get you down. That would definitely eat at me as well.
 
apologizes if you posted it here, but how old are you midnights? The reason why I ask is that if people are downright ridiculing you, then you're hanging out with the wrong crowd. It sounds downright juvenile and I can see why that would get you down. That would definitely eat at me as well.

22
 
Going on a date with this girl on the left on Saturday and the amusing thing is that she's almost the same height as me (6'2) but has the same interests (She would love watching adventure time with me or killing it in Halo for one example but we are going out for a nice meal first) so personality is a win-win for me! Hope it goes well.
 
Recently, I slipped and fell over while walking with some friends and a cutie, who we had just met that night. She turned around, saw me sprawled out on the street and laughed at me, asking "What are you, like 50?"

I was pretty embarrassed, but I brushed myself off and caught up with the group.

I still got in her pants by the end of the night.

Don't let insults or past failures ruin you.

She likes older men.
 
So guys, good idea or bad idea to try and date your lab partner? I need to do well in this class so I wouldn't want to fuck things up with her.
 
So guys, good idea or bad idea to try and date your lab partner? I need to do well in this class so I wouldn't want to fuck things up with her.

Ehhh, I'd wait until the end of the class to make a move since your grade depends on you two working together.
 
Going on a date with this girl on the left on Saturday and the amusing thing is that she's almost the same height as me (6'2) but has the same interests (She would love watching adventure time with me or killing it in Halo for one example but we are going out for a nice meal first) so personality is a win-win for me! Hope it goes well.
Nice, good luck, man :) Or rather, good luck to her.

So guys, good idea or bad idea to try and date your lab partner? I need to do well in this class so I wouldn't want to fuck things up with her.
If you have to ask...
 
Wait. Unless there's an assignment to fuck your partner.

see if theres some kind of experiment you can do involving your penis and her vagina.

I'll have to ask the teacher tomorrow! Hell, she's kinda hot too, maybe she'd like to join in.

(Seriously though, it's probably a good idea to wait until the end of the class like cashman said, it is an accelerated class as well, since it's during the summer)
 
Girl I recently started dating just told me that she didn't think we were right for each other.

Feels bad man. Especially considering she's been the most progress I've had all year dating wise.
 
Her fiance is her age. Go figure.

Anyway, I'm not sure what the point of your comment is. Is it to excuse my success and excuse the endless barrage of failures on this page?

How would I have gotten in her pants if I had cried or gotten my feelings hurt?

you slept with an engaged girl? damn man.
 
I had a friend who did something similar around that age with his first gf he met at 19 or so. I think they're still together 8 years later xD
 
Checked my ex's facebook for the first time in a long time, only to see that she just split up with the guy that she left me for. It looks to be a pretty bad breakup, with her removing anything and everything that had to do with him from her page.

I know I shouldn't be, but I'm stoked, and I'm not sure whether or not it's because she's single again and I'm still not over her, or because I told her she was making the wrong decision, and clearly she did (I'd be lying if I said "I told you so" didn't feel amazing here). Regardless, I've noticed it start to bring back emotions about a situation I was potentially moving past (I've gone on dates since), and I'm not sure how I feel about that. Is this normal? Thoughts?
 
I need to ask this question again: How do you project a sexual vibe???

Being comfortable in yourself, not being socially awkward, and taking care of myself has not worked on that front.

Keep in mind I am NOT talking about how to develop self-esteem, because I'm very satisfied with my progress right now. I'm talking about that je ne sais quoi that compels a girl to make sexual jokes.

Even when I'm the one who breaks the sexual joke barrier/whatever you want to call it, girls rarely continue on that. I don't know if it's because I'm the quietly confident type (don't feel the need to brag or be a jackass) or if it's because I'm still overweight (though I've made great progress on that front); but something's not right.

I've asked this question before, but I just keep running into it as a problem: Girls refuse to see me in a sexual light. What can I do to change that? The easy answer is "get laid," but I can't get laid if a girl won't see me as a sexual creature in the first place, so I'm baffled.

I really doubt it's my looks, although at this (collegiate) phase in my life it could be that being a little chubby is holding me back. I'll PM anyone pictures who is interested in judging, but I don't know if that's it.
 
Checked my ex's facebook for the first time in a long time, only to see that she just split up with the guy that she left me for. It looks to be a pretty bad breakup, with her removing anything and everything that had to do with him from her page.

I know I shouldn't be, but I'm stoked, and I'm not sure whether or not it's because she's single again and I'm still not over her, or because I told her she was making the wrong decision, and clearly she did (I'd be lying if I said "I told you so" didn't feel amazing here). Regardless, I've noticed it start to bring back emotions about a situation I was potentially moving past (I've gone on dates since), and I'm not sure how I feel about that. Is this normal? Thoughts?

I would suggest moving on entirely. You guys didn't work for whatever reason. The likely-hood of those same dynamics that pushed you apart resurfacing are pretty high.

Also refrain from gloating too. Take the high road. Telling her "I told you so" will only make her resent you. Assuming you were actually good to her, then she'll realize she made a mistake (if she hasn't already). Let her live with it - while you get on with your life.
 
Recently, I slipped and fell over while walking with some friends and a cutie, who we had just met that night. She turned around, saw me sprawled out on the street and laughed at me, asking "What are you, like 50?"

I was pretty embarrassed, but I brushed myself off and caught up with the group.

I still got in her pants by the end of the night.

Don't let insults or past failures ruin you.

The king. Now and forever.

Checked my ex's facebook for the first time in a long time, only to see that she just split up with the guy that she left me for. It looks to be a pretty bad breakup, with her removing anything and everything that had to do with him from her page.

I know I shouldn't be, but I'm stoked, and I'm not sure whether or not it's because she's single again and I'm still not over her, or because I told her she was making the wrong decision, and clearly she did (I'd be lying if I said "I told you so" didn't feel amazing here). Regardless, I've noticed it start to bring back emotions about a situation I was potentially moving past (I've gone on dates since), and I'm not sure how I feel about that. Is this normal? Thoughts?

I think it's okay to be stoked. Just don't go back to her. And don't like... lord it over her. Be the bigger man. Figuratively speaking.
 
Checked my ex's facebook for the first time in a long time, only to see that she just split up with the guy that she left me for. It looks to be a pretty bad breakup, with her removing anything and everything that had to do with him from her page.

I know I shouldn't be, but I'm stoked, and I'm not sure whether or not it's because she's single again and I'm still not over her, or because I told her she was making the wrong decision, and clearly she did (I'd be lying if I said "I told you so" didn't feel amazing here). Regardless, I've noticed it start to bring back emotions about a situation I was potentially moving past (I've gone on dates since), and I'm not sure how I feel about that. Is this normal? Thoughts?

Normal, with the way things ended; its normal to feel the way you do. She made her choice, she has to live with it. You're doing whats best for you, you're trying to move on. And the future is uncertain, who knows? She might want to rekindle things, but she's going to want to rekindle things with the guy she walked away from; not some gloating A-hole.
 
Girl I recently started dating just told me that she didn't think we were right for each other.

Feels bad man. Especially considering she's been the most progress I've had all year dating wise.

It happens man. Don't beat yourself up. Chalk up to a learning experience and put yourself back out there.
 
I need to ask this question again: How do you project a sexual vibe???

Being comfortable in yourself, not being socially awkward, and taking care of myself has not worked on that front.

Keep in mind I am NOT talking about how to develop self-esteem, because I'm very satisfied with my progress right now. I'm talking about that je ne sais quoi that compels a girl to make sexual jokes.

Even when I'm the one who breaks the sexual joke barrier/whatever you want to call it, girls rarely continue on that. I don't know if it's because I'm the quietly confident type (don't feel the need to brag or be a jackass) or if it's because I'm still overweight (though I've made great progress on that front); but something's not right.

I've asked this question before, but I just keep running into it as a problem: Girls refuse to see me in a sexual light. What can I do to change that? The easy answer is "get laid," but I can't get laid if a girl won't see me as a sexual creature in the first place, so I'm baffled.

I really doubt it's my looks, although at this (collegiate) phase in my life it could be that being a little chubby is holding me back. I'll PM anyone pictures who is interested in judging, but I don't know if that's it.

I'll be keeping an eye on this question. I've been having a similar problem. Confident in my own ability, and I love myself. However, I project a homosexual vibe by my feminine etiquette and tendencies. I can be extremely flirty with a girl, but for some, they cannot be convinced that I'm straight. It's annoying, to say the least. I'll see what small changes I can implement to improve myself on that front.
 
Checked my ex's facebook for the first time in a long time, only to see that she just split up with the guy that she left me for. It looks to be a pretty bad breakup, with her removing anything and everything that had to do with him from her page.

I know I shouldn't be, but I'm stoked, and I'm not sure whether or not it's because she's single again and I'm still not over her, or because I told her she was making the wrong decision, and clearly she did (I'd be lying if I said "I told you so" didn't feel amazing here). Regardless, I've noticed it start to bring back emotions about a situation I was potentially moving past (I've gone on dates since), and I'm not sure how I feel about that. Is this normal? Thoughts?

Normal. Yes. but... DON'T DO IT.

Any of it. Trying to get back with her. Or "I told you so".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r98WGrcTiqs


"Well, did it work for those people?"
"No, it never does. I mean, these people somehow delude themselves into thinking it might, but... but it might work for us."

Not the same situation... but the quote applies.

I've got a little to update with here. I suppose my sabbatical is over now. I'll type it out and post it in a bit.
 
I'll be keeping an eye on this question. I've been having a similar problem. Confident in my own ability, and I love myself. However, I project a homosexual vibe by my feminine etiquette and tendencies. I can be extremely flirty with a girl, but for some, they cannot be convinced that I'm straight. It's annoying, to say the least. I'll see what small changes I can implement to improve myself on that front.

Subtly admire a girl's eyes/lips/chest/ass, in a way that she knows you're looking, but not so much so that it's obvious and creepy.

Also, subtle sexual innuendo.
 
I would suggest moving on entirely. You guys didn't work for whatever reason. The likely-hood of those same dynamics that pushed you apart resurfacing are pretty high.

Also refrain from gloating too. Take the high road. Telling her "I told you so" will only make her resent you. Assuming you were actually good to her, then she'll realize she made a mistake (if she hasn't already). Let her live with it - while you get on with your life.


I think it's okay to be stoked. Just don't go back to her. And don't like... lord it over her. Be the bigger man. Figuratively speaking.

Normal, with the way things ended; its normal to feel the way you do. She made her choice, she has to live with it. You're doing whats best for you, you're trying to move on. And the future is uncertain, who knows? She might want to rekindle things, but she's going to want to rekindle things with the guy she walked away from; not some gloating A-hole.

Normal. Yes. but... DON'T DO IT.

Any of it. Trying to get back with her. Or "I told you so".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r98WGrcTiqs


"Well, did it work for those people?"
"No, it never does. I mean, these people somehow delude themselves into thinking it might, but... but it might work for us."

Not the same situation... but the quote applies.

I've got a little to update with here. I suppose my sabbatical is over now. I'll type it out and post it in a bit.
Thanks, guys. I should've clarified, I'm not actually going to be gloating to her, I would never do that. What I meant is that it feels good to have been correct about the whole thing and come out on top. I would absolutely never say that to her face though so no worries.

Regardless, I know if there's going to be any reconciliation between us in the future it has to be initiated by her. I'm not going to pursue her, but I probably will put myself into a position where I'm able to be pursued by her, and I'm pretty sure thats what she's going to do once she gets over this situation. I'd welcome it but I won't count on it.
 
I appreciate the advice. I'll use this to my fullest advantage (without going overboard).

Try to get in a situation where you need to provide a distraction. Turn to her and say "Take off your shirt and distract him/her/them/everybody." She'll be like, "What, are you serious?" Then you say, "No. But it was worth a shot." and then give a very charming grin.
 
I need to ask this question again: How do you project a sexual vibe???

Lots of variables here. Also depends what were talking about specifically - in person or online?

Either way you generally need a more candid bravado. I hate to use the term "swagger", but most females can innately pickup on whether or not you're the sexual type. My buddy has a theory (take it for what's its worth). He believes that women possess a deeply-rooted pre-intellectual *instinct*. One which often times can compel them to submit themselves for copulation in the presence of what they sense to be a dominate male.

I'm not saying don't be yourself, but just be you and then some. It won't work with everyone. To be honest the key competent still likely lies in the progression of your relationship, her morale fiber, and potentially the level of alcohol you both may have consumed.

Physical contact is your easiest approach. The "vibe" you should aim for is someone who isn't afraid of intimacy. Lots of eye contact doesn't hurt either. It's one thing to stimulate someone through conservation. If you're hoping to take the next step with them physically, then you're going to need to start touching each other. Just do it playfully and let it spark from there.

As far as online relationships - flirting, that's a different animal. Conveying certain emotions through text is already hard enough sometimes. I would imagine just be playful, sarcastic, and then perhaps transition things to more sexual dialogue. Who knows, by the end of the night - two of you may be having phone sex. [Note: I am not an expert by any means, would assume most of this stuff is common sense]

I just realized the newest picture of me is like at least 2 years old...

Smh...just let it go man.

Regardless, I know if there's going to be any reconciliation between us in the future it has to be initiated by her. I'm not going to pursue her, but I probably will put myself into a position where I'm able to be pursued by her, and I'm pretty sure thats what she's going to do once she gets over this situation. I'd welcome it but I won't count on it.

I'm actually in a similar situation. I suppose the difference being neither one of us have dated since the breakup. Keyword being dated (she did sleep with someone). If you had asked me a week ago - I would have been all about getting back together. In time though, I've come to realize that it was hard enough getting over her in the first place. I think it's in my own best interest not to open up that box again. Especially if things were go go astray once more.
 
Try to get in a situation where you need to provide a distraction. Turn to her and say "Take off your shirt and distract him/her/them/everybody." She'll be like, "What, are you serious?" Then you say, "No. But it was worth a shot." and then give a very charming grin.

Heh, I'll toss this into my arsenal. I may use it if the opportunity presents itself. Nothing to lose, much to gain.
 
Lots of variables here. Also depends what were talking about specifically - in person or online?

Either way you generally need a more candid bravado. I hate to use the term "swagger", but most females can innately pickup on whether or not you're the sexual type. My buddy has a theory (take it for what's its worth). He believes that women possess a deeply-rooted pre-intellectual *instinct*. One which often times can compel them to submit themselves for copulation in the presence of what they sense to be a dominate male.

I'm not saying don't be yourself, but just be you and then some. It won't work with everyone. To be honest the key competent still likely lies in the progression of your relationship, her morale fiber, and potentially the level of alcohol you both may have consumed.

Physical contact is your easiest approach. The "vibe" you should aim for is someone who isn't afraid of intimacy. Lots of eye contact doesn't hurt either. It's one thing to stimulate someone through conservation. If you're hoping to take the next step with them physically, then you're going to need to start touching each other. Just do it playfully and let it spark from there.
It's to the point where I have tried the douchebag approach and when I'm about to close the deal, my genuine self will slip through and make some remark where the girl gasps, comments on how "sweet" the remark is, and I'm done.

It's a sorry world when you have to actively put every effort forward to avoid being a decent human beings to girls. :(

I'm fine with eye contact as long as it's not cold. If I make a 3-second approach, I can hold eye contact with the hottest of them.

Physical contact - I know about kino and I'm actually pretty good at applying it. But, there are two types of guys who make physical contact, and one is a guy who gets laid and the other is a creeper. I'm positive I'd be labeled by the vast majority of girls as a creeper, because I don't have the stereotypical "hot" appearance yet.

Bear in mind I go to a traditional "party school," and there is much immaturity here.
 
It's to the point where I have tried the douchebag approach and when I'm about to close the deal, my genuine self will slip through and make some remark where the girl gasps, comments on how "sweet" the remark is, and I'm done.

It's a sorry world when you have to actively put every effort forward to avoid being a decent human beings to girls. :(

I'm fine with eye contact as long as it's not cold. If I make a 3-second approach, I can hold eye contact with the hottest of them.

Physical contact - I know about kino and I'm actually pretty good at applying it. But, there are two types of guys who make physical contact, and one is a guy who gets laid and the other is a creeper. I'm positive I'd be labeled by the vast majority of girls as a creeper, because I don't have the stereotypical "hot" appearance yet.

Bear in mind I go to a traditional "party school," and there is much immaturity here.

Only creepy if you make it seem creepy. My friend is good with the ladies, and he is a nerdy short guy. Not one who you would assume to be a player. Perspective is key here. If a woman actually labels you as a creep for touching her slightly, forget her and move on.
 
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