Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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Okay, let me just clarify this:

I will stop posting as requested. The only reason I posted those last few times is because I posted some pics, and it brought something new that people wanted. Now that is done with, there is nothing left to say, and people do not wish for me to post anymore, which is understandable, so I will stop.

It's not acting like the victim, I'm just saying I will stop posting.
 
Izick said:
Okay, let me just clarify this:

I will stop posting as requested. The only reason I posted those last few times is because I posted some pics, and it brought something new that people wanted. Now that is done with, there is nothing left to say, and people do not wish for me to post anymore, which is understandable, so I will stop.

It's not acting like the victim, I'm just saying I will stop posting.
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Boo-hoo-hoo.

This is insufferable.

Anyway, I suspect that you know the "problem."

Good luck.
 
I'd recomend not becoming a low level sleazesbag and keep your self-respect and dignity.

You wont come far anyway. Besides sleazesbags are pretty easy and simple minded shits.

I myself wanted to be like that like 8 years ago, untill it became clear it aint worth it.
 
Izick said:
Okay, let me just clarify this:

I will stop posting as requested. The only reason I posted those last few times is because I posted some pics, and it brought something new that people wanted. Now that is done with, there is nothing left to say, and people do not wish for me to post anymore, which is understandable, so I will stop.

It's not acting like the victim, I'm just saying I will stop posting.
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Dude, like I told you before and everyone else has already said, no advice that we give is gonna help you since you're gonna keep making excuses or questioning the advice. You keep getting defensive or dismiss all the positive comments. Seriously man, grow a backbone and come back into this thread in several months with some significant progress and not any bullshit excuses or pathetic self-pity. If you wanted to be an attention whore, you got it, but ultimately this thread got derailed as a result. To quote the anonymous saying, "Never live in the past, but always learn from it."

While I didn't see your picture, I imagine that you're not a bad looking guy as make yourself to be. I'm a good looking guy myself as you can see, but I still have a lot of mental rewiring to do on myself with baby steps; I've taken risks and I've grown. All of us want each other to succeed, but we need to make to an effort in order to be successful with relationships. That's ultimately why this thread exists. Any way good luck with your issues man. I seriously hope it works out for you.

That Brent Smith video is great by the way. We all need a Brent Smith cheering for us inside our heads.
 
Jipan said:
Dude, like I told you before and everyone else has already said, no advice that we give is gonna help you since you're gonna keep making excuses or questioning the advice. You keep getting defensive or dismiss all the positive comments. Seriously man, grow a backbone and come back into this thread in several months with some significant progress and not any bullshit excuses or pathetic self-pity. If you wanted to be an attention whore, you got it, but ultimately this thread got derailed as a result. To quote the anonymous saying, "Never live in the past, but always learn from it."

While I didn't see your picture, I imagine that you're not a bad looking guy as make yourself to be. I'm a good looking guy myself as you can see, but I still have a lot of mental rewiring to do on myself with baby steps; I've taken risks and I've grown. All of us want each other to succeed, but we need to make to an effort in order to be successful with relationships. That's ultimately why this thread exists. Any way good luck with your issues man. I seriously hope it works out for you.

That Brent Smith video is great by the way. We all need a Brent Smith cheering for us inside our heads.
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Brent Smith says a lot of good stuff but man at his age and having that hair who wouldn't be happy. It's crazy.
 
This post is for Izick, but could prove helpful to others. Here it goes:

Izick, I understand where you are coming from with depression and negative self-image. I've suffered from it for a long time and wish you all the best in learning how to overcome it.

With that in mind, here are some ACTIVE steps you can take - active being the key word.

You say that when your family or friends ask about your dating life you think they are mocking you or taunting you in some way. I've felt this too in my life, like I'm being patronized despite the fact that the people genuinely want me to succeed. However, assuming negative intentions on the part of others when they say things to you is entirely of your own creation. To assume they are negative is actually doing them a disservice. The following approach has helped me, and I only just realized it myself:

Assume the best possible outcome for YOU when it comes to other people's intentions and motivations. If someone says something that may sound negative toward you, but could also be taken positively ---> choose the positive thing. The worst that could happen is you are nice to a person who is secretly loathing you, and that just makes you a charming motherfucker at the end of the day.

Assuming the best also subconsciously creates a support network around you. If you perceive that people are inherently good and want to see you succeed, it doesn't matter if you're actually right (for 99% of people, they do want you to succeed, though). The point is, you can't let people's perceptions of you control your life.

If you ask a girl out and she says no, the "worst" outcome is you just made an attractive girl feel wanted by a person as awesome as yourself. Don't let her mood/preference/whims determine your happiness - stand up for yourself by assuming the people around you are awesome too, and want to see you succeed.

I hope this helps.
 
Like what the fuck are you supposed to do when someone just replies "haha" or "lol"?

FleckSplat said:
This post is for Izick, but could prove helpful to others. Here it goes:

Izick, I understand where you are coming from with depression and negative self-image. I've suffered from it for a long time and wish you all the best in learning how to overcome it.

With that in mind, here are some ACTIVE steps you can take - active being the key word.

You say that when your family or friends ask about your dating life you think they are mocking you or taunting you in some way. I've felt this too in my life, like I'm being patronized despite the fact that the people genuinely want me to succeed. However, assuming negative intentions on the part of others when they say things to you is entirely of your own creation. To assume they are negative is actually doing them a disservice. The following approach has helped me, and I only just realized it myself:

Assume the best possible outcome for YOU when it comes to other people's intentions and motivations. If someone says something that may sound negative toward you, but could also be taken positively ---> choose the positive thing. The worst that could happen is you are nice to a person who is secretly loathing you, and that just makes you a charming motherfucker at the end of the day.

Assuming the best also subconsciously creates a support network around you. If you perceive that people are inherently good and want to see you succeed, it doesn't matter if you're actually right (for 99% of people, they do want you to succeed, though). The point is, you can't let people's perceptions of you control your life.

If you ask a girl out and she says no, the "worst" outcome is you just made an attractive girl feel wanted by a person as awesome as yourself. Don't let her mood/preference/whims determine your happiness - stand up for yourself by assuming the people around you are awesome too, and want to see you succeed.

I hope this helps.
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Thank you FleckSplat, that was very nice. I'm not sure if I agree with all of it but I like that. I think I could try thinking like that, but I'm not sure how long I could keep that kind of thinking going. What do you do when you start to think negatively?
 
I turned down the girl who asked me out and ended up asking this girl I've been chatting with a bit if she wanted to do something. I don't see why she'd say no. I guess she's not as attractive as the first girl but we have a ton in common, whereas I had some serious differences that I don't think I would have been able to get over with the first girl.

The girl that I've been having huge messages back and forth with takes a week or so to get back to me, so I'm not really hopeful about that situation.

Anyway I asked this girl if she wanted to get coffee or drinks, was that a bad way to do it? I guess it sounds a little indecisive.
 
I've also just realized that this weekend is a huge festival type thing in my area that floods the entire city and surrounding towns with tourists. Is it a bad idea to try to have a date then, or a good idea? There's tons of music and vendors and events and that kind of thing, but it's all super busy and noisy and nearly impossible to get around.
 
Izick said:
Like what the fuck are you supposed to do when someone just replies "haha" or "lol"?



Thank you FleckSplat, that was very nice. I'm not sure if I agree with all of it but I like that. I think I could try thinking like that, but I'm not sure how long I could keep that kind of thinking going. What do you do when you start to think negatively?
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Just don't dwell on anything. It takes discipline, but you need to be able to put yourself in the mode of thinking where you are absolutely worth talking to or being around all the time, and if you get rejected or whatever it's their loss. Never yours. They are the ones missing out. I'm not saying you need to immediately act like a dick, but acting like it's no big deal is the easiest way to brush it off. Plus it means that any future interaction you may have with that person will go much smoother. It shows that you're not controlled by stuff like that. Eventually you'll be able to reprogram yourself to just make this kind of reaction your default.

Plus acting like it's no big deal to get rejected can actually work in your favor, I got my last girlfriend because I asked her out, she said no, and then because I just resumed my normal friendly interactions for the couple of months after that I actually stuck out to her because literally every other guy that had been pursuing her got all weird about her when she said she wasn't interested. She recognized my ability to handle my own shit as a positive trait.
 
MiDNiGHTS said:
All they did was pimp out their overpriced parties or whatever you wanna call them.
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I didn't know what they were gonna talk about. And that's hardly all they talked about for that matter. It was pretty short though so not as in-depth as it could've been. Jason was in good form though.
 
WyndhamPrice said:
Just don't dwell on anything. It takes discipline, but you need to be able to put yourself in the mode of thinking where you are absolutely worth talking to or being around all the time, and if you get rejected or whatever it's their loss. Never yours. They are the ones missing out. I'm not saying you need to immediately act like a dick, but acting like it's no big deal is the easiest way to brush it off. Plus it means that any future interaction you may have with that person will go much smoother. It shows that you're not controlled by stuff like that. Eventually you'll be able to reprogram yourself to just make this kind of reaction your default.

Plus acting like it's no big deal to get rejected can actually work in your favor, I got my last girlfriend because I asked her out, she said no, and then because I just resumed my normal friendly interactions for the couple of months after that I actually stuck out to her because literally every other guy that had been pursuing her got all weird about her when she said she wasn't interested. She recognized my ability to handle my own shit as a positive trait.
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Interesting. Didn't her saying no make your relationship awkward after that though? Did she act oddly?

Also, I don't know how to not dwell on stuff, I wish I was more easy-going an carefree but I can't seem to ever grasp that mindset when something bad happens.
 
Not only did I miss the free albums on amazon, but I also missed Izick picture. Worst week ever


Also Izick, if something was wrong with you physically, gaf would tell you.
 
Izick said:
6' or 6'1
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Jeez, you're fine lol. All that negative talk and you look like that? I guess theres a first for everything. Ontop of that, you got height on you too. No matter how good you think are hiding it, there is no way your gaf persona doesn't creek out in day to day interactions. Work on your confidence and just focus on other things in life as I suggested. Everything else will fall into place.
 
Izick said:
One last quote to reveal:

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You look like the kid who plays Jake in 2 and a Half Men and my youngest (half) brother. You're definitely a pretty face; got some German looking features. I think the hardest thing for you to do is get rejected. I got rejected in person last semester; it stung for about a minute or so after we both went our separate ways but I took it like a boss; I'm still here.

Admittedly, having recently made a new OKC account, I feel pretty anxious about hitting chicks up again. I can totally understand why you would not want to try out online dating (as a supplement to meeting women, not a main way). Doing little things like going to a school event or working at a major event in your neck of the woods is small victory. All those small victories will eventually turn into confidence. I'm rooting for you man.
 
Jipan said:
You look like the kid who plays Jake in 2 and a Half Men and my youngest (half) brother. You're definitely a pretty face; got some German looking features. I think the hardest thing for you to do is get rejected. I got rejected in person last semester; it stung for about a minute or so after we both went our separate ways but I'm still here.

Admittedly, having recently made a new OKC account, I feel pretty anxious about hitting chicks up again. I can totally understand why you would not want to try out online dating (as a supplement to meeting women, not a main way).
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I look forward to trying that site out again before summer ends. I hear good things from friends, as well as GAF. Happy fishing :)
 
Mr Sandman said:
Anyone have a baby face? How do you deal with it. I have heard some girls find it cute or some shit, but in my experience girls want an older (looking) dude. I have had people even say that they thought I was 17! They don't realize it but it's pretty insulting. I like to think that it will benefit me when I am 35 to stay positive. But it doesn't help with the present.

I don't wear loose clothes, and I don't act like a punk ass kid. I am not a small guy. Average height (5' 11") with muscles, not fat. I have heard that short hair helps and my hair is getting a little scruffy. Getting a hair cut tomorrow.
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Girls like older looking guys? How does that explain Justin Bieber and One Direction? Everybody wants to look young man.
 
Prologue said:
I look forward to trying that site out again before summer ends. I hear good things from friends, as well as GAF. Happy fishing :)
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Yeah, I hope so; I met one chick from OKC last summer but we didn't really have much chemistry (also it was was basically talking at a park; no money spent).

Hitting up white women kind of scares me, but then again, it all comes down to preference. Most of the women's profiles I've looked at so far say that they went to NYU, traveled, and have some kind of a professional career. It's kind of intimidating, but I'm just going to be blind to all that stuff. Any way, I wish you the best; sending several messages to multiple women a day is the best approach.
 
WyndhamPrice said:
Just don't dwell on anything. It takes discipline, but you need to be able to put yourself in the mode of thinking where you are absolutely worth talking to or being around all the time, and if you get rejected or whatever it's their loss. Never yours. They are the ones missing out. I'm not saying you need to immediately act like a dick, but acting like it's no big deal is the easiest way to brush it off. Plus it means that any future interaction you may have with that person will go much smoother. It shows that you're not controlled by stuff like that. Eventually you'll be able to reprogram yourself to just make this kind of reaction your default.
Click to expand...

I dont know how to do that... :( i m still failing at that part pretty bad
 
Mr Sandman said:
Anyone have a baby face? How do you deal with it. I have heard some girls find it cute or some shit, but in my experience girls want an older (looking) dude. I have had people even say that they thought I was 17! They don't realize it but it's pretty insulting. I like to think that it will benefit me when I am 35 to stay positive. But it doesn't help with the present.

I don't wear loose clothes, and I don't act like a punk ass kid. I am not a small guy. Average height (5' 11") with muscles, not fat. I have heard that short hair helps and my hair is getting a little scruffy. Getting a hair cut tomorrow. Oh and I act confident and maintain eye contact and all that shit.
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Having a baby face is an advantage dude. I would respond with more, but I don't know if you're talking in generalities or a specific instance (like going to a night club).
 
Mr Sandman said:
Anyone have a baby face? How do you deal with it. I have heard some girls find it cute or some shit, but in my experience girls want an older (looking) dude. I have had people even say that they thought I was 17! They don't realize it but it's pretty insulting. I like to think that it will benefit me when I am 35 to stay positive. But it doesn't help with the present.

I don't wear loose clothes, and I don't act like a punk ass kid. I am not a small guy. Average height (5' 11") with muscles, not fat. I have heard that short hair helps and my hair is getting a little scruffy. Getting a hair cut tomorrow. Oh and I act confident and maintain eye contact and all that shit.
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Style your hair shorter, sculpt some kind of a beard (doesn't have to be long, but some facial hair will always help to get rid of a baby face).

Glasses help too, I feel (when the right style, anyway). If you don't need glasses, then wear a pair of sunglasses. Wear them appropriately, though. Don't walk around with them on in doors constantly. But throw em on when you head outside or walking down the street, or go to the grocery store.
 
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