Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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Well I can say I think I found the right person in a while gaf and I feel great, and it's ironic given it's 4th of July. This girl from Pennsylvania come across me on-line (I live in the UK) and it was just crazy timing since I hardly went on the site (and same for her) and she thought she'd say hi since she had family in London, and well we've just hit it on instantly and been video skyping for hours the past few days. The best thing is I don't any sorrow or silly thoughts of my ex at all and actually found someone I can relate to a lot with how much we've got in common and we are attracted to each other's personality. I feel refreshed again!
 
Minamu said:
Midnights: You shouldn't compare yourself with anyone like that. They aren't living your life but you are living theirs. So who is living yours in that case? And post more pictures :)
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I don't see the point in more pics from anyone. This thread isn't beautifulpeople.com it's about getting your head straight.
 
MiDNiGHTS said:
Don't tell Cubsfan23, he still believes.
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It has been worth believing. IIRC, Neither cubs nor I have paid a dime to Brent so far. I haven't at least.

MiDNiGHTS said:
I don't see the point in more pics from anyone. This thread isn't beautifulpeople.com it's about getting your head straight.
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Yet you have a new avatar ;) I know it's about the head, that's what we've been talking about all along, even with you and your strange people in your life :S
 
MiDNiGHTS said:
Don't tell Cubsfan23, he still believes.
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Those videos are much better from a personal development point of view than from a dating advice point of view, though there are some valid points for that as well. Following the sensible parts is definitely going to make you more satisfied with yourself, and in turn likely to bring more success with the ladies.

There's some heavily out there shit in there as well, especially when he brings in some of his weird buddies.
 
Minamu said:
It has been worth believing. IIRC, Neither cubs nor I have paid a dime to Brent so far. I haven't at least.

Yet you have a new avatar ;) I know it's about the head, that's what we've been talking about all along, even with you and your strange people in your life :S
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Unfortunately I can't say no to people so if you ask I gotta oblige. Besides it's glasses time over at the real pic thread.
 
The Orange said:
Those videos are much better from a personal development point of view than from a dating advice point of view, though there are some valid points for that as well. Following the sensible parts is definitely going to make you more satisfied with yourself, and in turn likely to bring more success with the ladies.

There's some heavily out there shit in there as well, especially when he brings in some of his weird buddies.
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Yeah but he was saying when he drove people let him pass and give him the right of way just because of his vibe. It's a little too supernatural for my taste.
 
Shagwell said:
Been talking to the girl you guys helped me get with for a month now, we cuddle and kiss all the time, she's admitted she likes me a lot and that she's going to miss me loads while I'm away for a month in a week's time. We're both not currently looking for a traditional public relationship deal but have both admitted we'd probably eventually make an exception for each other in that regard because we feel like something special may be a 'brewin. Just not yet. I want to come back and have something and I'm pretty sure she does too but she's super afraid of getting hurt and wants to "play it by ear". Here's my dilemma. I haven't felt like this about another person before. Ever, I don't think. She's stunning, all of my friends like her, she's well traveled, she's intelligent, and she was crazy about me as much as I was about her from early on. It's been so easy, so unforced, and just so bloody feel-good. So much so that I'm desperately afraid of losing her just because I'm going away. And when I come back there'll only be a few weeks before she goes to her uni which is about 4 hours away from my own.

Is there anything I can do or say to improve my chances of this existing upon my return? I know we should keep in touch (she wants to, whether it's through postcards or FB messages or Skype) but how do I keep this budding romance thing going when I'm away for a whole month right as we've reached the peak of our passion for each other?
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I think you're in for some major heartbreak if you try to cement the relationship while being 4 hours apart. It will eventually cause you to drift apart, you'll both meet people at your schools etc. I'm glad you're happy and I'm not trying to be a dick but the distance thing, never had it work. But if you're really set on this girl, tell her how you feel and get your ass up there every weekend.
 
DrBo42 said:
I think you're in for some major heartbreak if you try to cement the relationship while being 4 hours apart. It will eventually cause you to drift apart, you'll both meet people at your schools etc. I'm glad you're happy and I'm not trying to be a dick but the distance thing, never had it work. But if you're really set on this girl, tell her how you feel and get your ass up there every weekend.
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This, very much so.

Distance is difficult even for couples that have been together for a while. Drifting apart is a real thing, and it happens all the time.

Good luck man.
 
I deactivated my FB today.

I thought about it last night and my ex messaged me just now ":\" prolly because I haven't answered her phone calls. I hope the bitch thinks I blocked her (same error message) and flips out.
 
She didn't say it to me, but I know she broke up with me because "I'm too good for her and she doesn't deserve me" but I'm pretty sure the real reason was because when she went to europe she wanted to be able to fuck around and not feel guilty or cheat on me.

fuck that shit
 
As I get older I find the best way to deal with an ex is the kill 'em with kindness approach. Especially if they're shitty. Don't do things like block them or delete your FB, just be nice. When you do all that reactionary stuff you're just letting her know that she got to you. If you're nice they'll feel even worse about what they did. The quicker you get to that point you'll get over it faster and move on. Sorry that happened to you man, you'll find better. That's the way it goes.
 
Had a great date with a girl today but then she dropped the bomb on me. She told me that I'm "very easy to talk to". To me that means I'll be friend-zoned in the very near future. This happens far too often with woman.

Seriously, I went out for drinks last week and it ended up being me with four girls. Most men would say that's heaven, but the fact they were talking about sex and such topics so freely in front of me, it was odd to be viewed as such an easy, laid-back guy, or as one put it, her straight gay boyfriend -- basically the gay guy in her life without actually being gay.
 
NateDrake said:
Had a great date with a girl today but then she dropped the bomb on me. She told me that I'm "very easy to talk to". To me that means I'll be friend-zoned in the very near future. This happens far too often with woman.

Seriously, I went out for drinks last week and it ended up being me with four girls. Most men would say that's heaven, but the fact they were talking about sex and such topics so freely in front of me, it was odd to be viewed as such an easy, laid-back guy, or as one put it, her straight gay boyfriend -- basically the gay guy in her life without actually being gay.
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The easy way around that is to basically force yourself to not be so "politically-correct" and let them know you are a sexual creature, too. Basically, be edgy.

My problem is I have no sexual history whatsoever, and finding a girl who doesn't have a problem with that (or who doesn't filter me out before finding out) is super hard. :(
 
Etrian Oddity said:
The easy way around that is to basically force yourself to not be so "politically-correct" and let them know you are a sexual creature, too. Basically, be edgy.

My problem is I have no sexual history whatsoever, and finding a girl who doesn't have a problem with that (or who doesn't filter me out before finding out) is super hard. :(
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That's the odd part, I speak my mind and am brutally honest in conversation.

For your problem, that's a tricky one. Some girls prefer that, though others want the experienced guy to rock their world. Is there a reason you haven't -- like religion, beliefs, or age? Only asking to better paint a picture.
 
NateDrake said:
That's the odd part, I speak my mind and am brutally honest in conversation.

For your problem, that's a tricky one. Some girls prefer that, though others want the experienced guy to rock their world. Is there a reason you haven't -- like religion, beliefs, or age? Only asking to better paint a picture.
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Was a fat, socially-awkward homeschooled kid. In a nutshell.

Very late bloomer as far as social integration and fixing my health, appearance, and state of mind; we're talking I didn't really come out into my own until last year. So there was nothing for a girl (or myself) to like about myself. You'd think I would be okay now, but I still appear to lack that je nais se quois that makes me sexually attractive.
 
NateDrake said:
Had a great date with a girl today but then she dropped the bomb on me. She told me that I'm "very easy to talk to". To me that means I'll be friend-zoned in the very near future. This happens far too often with woman.
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Most guys don't think that, do they?
 
Almond said:
I guess I just shouldn't try then. It seems like I would just screw things up.
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?

Question. Do you have trouble talking to men?

I have to concur with everyone else, I usually ended up friendzoned shortly thereafter, partly because IMHO "easy to talk to" often translates to "no sexual tension."
 
Argyle said:
?

Question. Do you have trouble talking to men?

I have to concur with everyone else, I usually ended up friendzoned shortly thereafter, partly because IMHO "easy to talk to" often translates to "no sexual tension."
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Yeah it's like one step away from, "you're like a brother to me"
 
DrBo42 said:
As I get older I find the best way to deal with an ex is the kill 'em with kindness approach. Especially if they're shitty. Don't do things like block them or delete your FB, just be nice. When you do all that reactionary stuff you're just letting her know that she got to you. If you're nice they'll feel even worse about what they did. The quicker you get to that point you'll get over it faster and move on. Sorry that happened to you man, you'll find better. That's the way it goes.
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NeOak said:
More like don't do anything at all.
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Bingo.

Press your inner button on Full auto-ignore shield.
 
Arjen said:
Yeah it's like one step away from, "you're like a brother to me"
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Argyle said:
?

Question. Do you have trouble talking to men?

I have to concur with everyone else, I usually ended up friendzoned shortly thereafter, partly because IMHO "easy to talk to" often translates to "no sexual tension."
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I have trouble talking to anyone, men are a little harder though I guess. Wouldn't the sexual tension still be there anyways? On the rare occasion I actually find someone I'm comfortable with and enjoy talking to, it's a relief. I thought that would be a good thing.
 
Went out for July 4th. Ran into some people I know, was an okay turn of events. Tried my luck with two different girls I had spent the night talking to but it wasn't my night. Oh well, I think I'm finally starting to not care about being rejected. What's the record for longest drought when you're actively trying? I might as well make a game out of this and have some fun with it.
 
Almond said:
I have trouble talking to anyone, men are a little harder though I guess. Wouldn't the sexual tension still be there anyways? On the rare occasion I actually find someone I'm comfortable with and enjoy talking to, it's a relief. I thought that would be a good thing.
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"Easy to talk to" basicly means: I can talk to you without having to flirt or worry that you are flirting with me.
 
NateDrake said:
Had a great date with a girl today but then she dropped the bomb on me. She told me that I'm "very easy to talk to". To me that means I'll be friend-zoned in the very near future. This happens far too often with woman.

Seriously, I went out for drinks last week and it ended up being me with four girls. Most men would say that's heaven, but the fact they were talking about sex and such topics so freely in front of me, it was odd to be viewed as such an easy, laid-back guy, or as one put it, her straight gay boyfriend -- basically the gay guy in her life without actually being gay.
Click to expand...


Etrian Oddity said:
The easy way around that is to basically force yourself to not be so "politically-correct" and let them know you are a sexual creature, too. Basically, be edgy.

My problem is I have no sexual history whatsoever, and finding a girl who doesn't have a problem with that (or who doesn't filter me out before finding out) is super hard. :(
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DrBo42 said:
Pretty much. It's what ends up happening.
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Arjen said:
Yeah it's like one step away from, "you're like a brother to me"
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You're all being ridiculous.

Its a compliment. Not a death sentence.
Arjen said:
"Easy to talk to" basicly means: I can talk to you without having to flirt or worry that you are flirting with me.
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No, it doesn't. It never has. If you're easy to talk and offer exactly nothing else, then that's all you'll ever be. What person wants to be with someone that they can't talk to? This makes no fucking sense.
 
DY_nasty said:
You're all being ridiculous.

Its a compliment. Not a death sentence.


No, it doesn't. It never has. If you're easy to talk and offer exactly nothing else, then that's all you'll ever be. What person wants to be with someone that they can't talk to? This makes no fucking sense.
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I'm honestly kind of baffled as well. Being easy to talk to should be a positive thing. But you do have be very clear about your intentions, otherwise you'll end up as just friends. Or if you're me and you already have plenty of friends, you end up with a lot of lost time.
 
Wow, step away for a few days and it turns into shit.

Izick, keep calm and chill. I'm not sure what you want to hear from Dating-GAF, but don't take the criticisms for more than what they are: personal and honest opinions of what's being shown, not just being nice (which I'm pretty sure you don't want to hear). Get that help, man, and good luck to you.
 
MiDNiGHTS said:
Went out for July 4th. Ran into some people I know, was an okay turn of events. Tried my luck with two different girls I had spent the night talking to but it wasn't my night. Oh well, I think I'm finally starting to not care about being rejected. What's the record for longest drought when you're actively trying? I might as well make a game out of this and have some fun with it.
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You are sounding a lot more positive. That is really good. I guarantee that things will work out great for you one day.
 
I thought I wouldn't have to explain my "Whining of Izick" comment since it's a gaming forum, but no one got it.

It's a pun on Binding of Isaac.
 
i do actually think hes right in that video to a degree. i mean there has to be some context, i mean like if you're a fat internet nerd in your bedroom all day then its obviously not going to work. but if theres someone who is interested in you then it works sometime.
 
Chinner said:
i do actually think hes right in that video to a degree. i mean there has to be some context, i mean like if you're a fat internet nerd in your bedroom all day then its obviously not going to work. but if theres someone who is interested in you then it works sometime.
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That doesn't make any sense man. If someone is interested in you then you've already got one foot in the door, if anything that person will lose interested because you are sitting there waiting to be sought after. That was Izick's problem the whole time, he wanted to be sought after and never even asked a girl out.
 
as i said, there has to be a context to it. izick's problem was that (he was incredibly broken) and he didn't do anything. its a bit mean to use a gaffer as an example, but if you look at like gofreak he probably would have benefited from just doing nothing after the initial moment they had.

as i said, i'm not saying hes 100% right or whatever, i think theres some truth to what hes saying to a degree but i dont want to get all internety about it and start beating my chest and telling everyone else they're wrong. sometimes it just really depends on the person. i think its more important just to be relaxed about shit and not come across as needy.
 
Yeah, I just watched a couple of his videos and he might have good intentions but I think those kinds of video's can actually reinforce passive behavior while I feel like just getting out there and experimenting to see what does and doesn't work, working on attitude etc. is an active process. I don't think his video's are helpful to the people it's aimed at.
 
KlotePino said:
Yeah, I just watched a couple of his videos and he might have good intentions but I think those kinds of video's can actually reinforce passive behavior while I feel like just getting out there and experimenting to see what does and doesn't work, working on attitude etc. is an active process. I don't think his video's are helpful to the people it's aimed at.
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It's helpful in bringing in that $$$$
 
KlotePino said:
Yeah, I just watched a couple of his videos and he might have good intentions but I think those kinds of video's can actually reinforce passive behavior while I feel like just getting out there and experimenting to see what does and doesn't work, working on attitude etc. is an active process. I don't think his video's are helpful to the people it's aimed at.
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Good intentions? His only intention is to make more money so he can keep enjoying his luxurious and extravagant life style.
 
i do however think having 2 minute videos without any context to anything is pretty lame. blatantly implies that every is super easy and super achievable.
 
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