Yeah quickly watched a couple of video's and didn't notice he was trying to monetize the damn thing...jesus christ... All he's saying is shit people already know, the hard part is acting on it. Can't believe he can succesfully con people into buying his shit.
Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
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Yeah quickly watched a couple of video's and didn't notice he was trying to monetize the damn thing...jesus christ... All he's saying is shit people already know, the hard part is acting on it. Can't believe he can succesfully con people into buying his shit.
Brent's videos are starting to resemble the root of a religion. You know how when people demand to see proof of god, or want a reason to believe, the response is always "You have to have faith or nothing will go your way!". Its a built in fail-safe mechanism for fundamentally flawed arguments.
Like with Brent, its 'stop wanting shit'. And then after a couple of months of not wanting and not getting you ask 'how come i aint smanging it!?' and then Brent is all like 'well listen genius if you truly dont want shit you wouldnt be asking me this question! Now give me 500$'
Like with Brent, its 'stop wanting shit'. And then after a couple of months of not wanting and not getting you ask 'how come i aint smanging it!?' and then Brent is all like 'well listen genius if you truly dont want shit you wouldnt be asking me this question! Now give me 500$'
So, update time for me, methinks. Not really much to say, except for a change in attitude.
Whereas until recently I'd been in that desperately-looking-for-a-relationship-phase that has sort of boiled off, and now I'm just enjoying spending time with friends, male and female.
Went out with some of my cute female friends last night and really broke past a lot of 'comfort zone' barriers which are really rather advanced. It involved making me a spectacle in front of a large group of people doing something I'd never done before. (dancing may have been involved)
Honestly, what I just kept in my mind is trying and failing would still be more attractive & better for me & feel better than not trying at all. And everything went better than expected.
So, great time with cute girls and I didn't think about our future or any non-sense like that. Just had a great time. I think that's a good viewpoint to have if you can get to that point. My enjoyment was 100% and I feel fulfilled and the girls loved it too. For me having more than one cute girl lavishing attention on me for hours on end was sort of mind blowing... Lots of contact. Never thought I'd experience the likes of it.
P.S. They're female friends because they've been in a relationship as long as I've known them. I can tell they like me, but neither I nor them are thinking about each other in a relationship way, at least to my knowledge. Yet, I still feel like I'm constantly crossing the line with these girls, but it's the girls that do it. Either way the point being is if I were to escalate that'd be a real scum move. Just want to be clear to you dudes out there, if you're in a situation like this you escalate if they're available.
Whereas until recently I'd been in that desperately-looking-for-a-relationship-phase that has sort of boiled off, and now I'm just enjoying spending time with friends, male and female.
Went out with some of my cute female friends last night and really broke past a lot of 'comfort zone' barriers which are really rather advanced. It involved making me a spectacle in front of a large group of people doing something I'd never done before. (dancing may have been involved)
Honestly, what I just kept in my mind is trying and failing would still be more attractive & better for me & feel better than not trying at all. And everything went better than expected.
So, great time with cute girls and I didn't think about our future or any non-sense like that. Just had a great time. I think that's a good viewpoint to have if you can get to that point. My enjoyment was 100% and I feel fulfilled and the girls loved it too. For me having more than one cute girl lavishing attention on me for hours on end was sort of mind blowing... Lots of contact. Never thought I'd experience the likes of it.
P.S. They're female friends because they've been in a relationship as long as I've known them. I can tell they like me, but neither I nor them are thinking about each other in a relationship way, at least to my knowledge. Yet, I still feel like I'm constantly crossing the line with these girls, but it's the girls that do it. Either way the point being is if I were to escalate that'd be a real scum move. Just want to be clear to you dudes out there, if you're in a situation like this you escalate if they're available.
She wants to screw.
she might wanna fuck or she's vulnerable and may need attention. need more text from here for sure. can go either way really.
'hi/hī/
Exclamation:
Used as a friendly greeting or to attract attention: "Hi there. How was the flight?".'
Seriously though, could be anything if she's only said hi
The problem you're facing with attraction #1. Is a numbers game. Think of how many girls you're not attracted to. #2. May be a personality issue, in that you're forgoing potential sexual interests by simply not presenting your sexual side enough.
That's not to say you're being friend-zoned, I am still really skeptical that the friend zone exists -- it's usually defined by a guy a girl doesn't have interest in being friendly and expecting sex.
So, maybe she's into you and maybe she isn't, but either way it doesn't sound like she's viewing you as a sexual creature. I will say the same thing I always say, don't say it, do it physically. Elbows, hands, waist, thighs. Touch them, feel them, grab them (in some sort of order from elbow->thighs). That communicates your interests in the least awkward and most direct way.
And for that record, albeit unrelated, I don't do hover hand -- ever. I go for the waist no matter what relationship I'm supposed to have with that girl if I think she's attractive. You ain't ever gonna catch me hover handing. I for one think the waist wrap around is possibly the easiest and greatest 'shortcut', it's never let me down.
luckyboyceo
Member
While I like Brent, and I think he does have some really good advice, it's all starting to sound the same to me now. Every video is about "changing your story," or "thinking outside the matrix," regardless of the topic. It kind of seems like he's repeating the same 3 or 4 points for every video he makes.
Continue enjoying being single and spending time with your friends and you'll meet someone when you least expect it. That's how it always works.
That's great to hear, man. I'm glad you're making progress. Taking risks like you did (dancing) are huge confidence boosters when they pay off and it's something we all need to do at some point in our life if we want to get anywhere.
Continue enjoying being single and spending time with your friends and you'll meet someone when you least expect it. That's how it always works.
Vermillion
Banned
Realize that real life is shitty?
Maybe imagine that your decisions are all made in a virtual world anyways?
luckyboyceo
Member
I think it's a fancy way of saying "think differently." Not complying with the traditional views of dating (men paying for dinner, reaching out first, etc), and instead, being your own person, which I do think is good advice in itself.
That's my understanding of it anyway.
Almond
Member
This is what I originally thought. I guess I'll just keep doing what I was.
Thanks for the replies.
Attackthebase
Member
I really do love Brent at times.
Just listened to his miracle video. Love that video. Gaf is a miracle. How we function and not fall apart into anarchy amazes me everyday.
Just listened to his miracle video. Love that video. Gaf is a miracle. How we function and not fall apart into anarchy amazes me everyday.
talisayNon
Member
yea what is this easy to talk to crap.
granted maybe it was different 8 years ago (last time i was single) but all the girls that said "i was easy to talk to" and that meant i was in. next step was usually hand on thigh, drinks, then back to my room.
of course this was in college. i have no idea about how dates work through online/ real life lolz
granted maybe it was different 8 years ago (last time i was single) but all the girls that said "i was easy to talk to" and that meant i was in. next step was usually hand on thigh, drinks, then back to my room.
of course this was in college. i have no idea about how dates work through online/ real life lolz
Slayer-33
Liverpool-2
LOL tell me about it
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
I think "you're easy to talk to" followed by total inaction is where men fail. When you are told you're easy to talk to and you're forward with your intentions, that's when you've really got their attention.
PUA people are stupid, but early kino is a real thing that works. After all, wouldn't you like a girl that was forward and affectionate with you as soon as she knew she liked you?
Smelly Tramp
Member
so this other girl really likes me, she's made that abundantly clear. i haven't said shit to her but that probably makes her like me even more. she's a great girl, everything i'd want in a woman as i've mentioned before a few pages back.
but my best friend is besotted by her. he's been txting me saying he likes her, saying he's just waiting for us to go on holiday (next week) and then after he's gonna try and make it official with her. official wtf? assuming a bit much there mate? for one she doesn't like him (he's not the greatest looking person) and two, she's pissing off to paris in september. why on earth would she want a boyfriend?
she just wants some dick, i am that dick, but how do i go about this without fucking everybody up. i haven't even done anything wrong, just sat there and been myself. not like i put it on her or anything.
but my best friend is besotted by her. he's been txting me saying he likes her, saying he's just waiting for us to go on holiday (next week) and then after he's gonna try and make it official with her. official wtf? assuming a bit much there mate? for one she doesn't like him (he's not the greatest looking person) and two, she's pissing off to paris in september. why on earth would she want a boyfriend?
she just wants some dick, i am that dick, but how do i go about this without fucking everybody up. i haven't even done anything wrong, just sat there and been myself. not like i put it on her or anything.
talisayNon
Member
Yea, that's why I loved that line. That basically sent a message that I could do whatever I wanted and that she was comfortable with me.
I don't know why anyone would misinterpret it as being "friendzoned." I mean, do you throw away 200,000 years of evolution to completely misread the fucking signals that are thrown at you?
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
Just another shyster capitalizing on false hopes and broken dreams.
Etrian Oddity
Member
Not quite. She'll either mean to give you the go-ahead; or she'll just want to keep things platonic.
Every single girl who's told me I was easy to talk to ended up only wanting something platonic. And for how bad I am with girls, I am good with kino. And making my intentions known.
So "easy to talk to," "sweet," "nice," or even "gentleman" are normally kisses of death.
Part of this indicates mind-reading.
"Easy to talk to" is a compliment. Based on your being able to not come off like an immediate douche, clown, dumbass, etc. Now, that still leaves a lot of things you can be - such as a simp, clown, lame, cornball, great guy, etc.
Instead of looking for key phrases and catchwords that signify the end of all you know, just take it for what it was meant to be. A compliment. Then work from there. I hate to make the comparison, but think about it as if you were a waiter. You can think you're the best, most awesome, snazzy waiter in the whole diner - and your customer may even smile and laugh at all your jokes - but if you get a shitty tip, then what?
That's when all the BS directed at them comes out (even if it isn't directly negative). The reality is, you're not a mind reader and even if you got the best milkshakes on the block, not everyone is going to be buying what you're selling. So just take it in stride.
FO-totality
Poet Centuriate
Updatin' time, y'all.
Fourth of July was okay, first one I've had without family, but whatever. Met a nice gal at a parade with her dog and she was fun to talk to but brought up her boyfriend, which i was cool with, but just left it at a nice conversation.
Just got back from a large, weekly city festival and had pretty nice chat with a young lady ahd her friends, but the night was getting dark and they ended up heading to the bars, a realm which I am forbidden for a few more months. (She says she goes every week, like I do, so maybe I'll see her next week.) I was feeling pretty decent with myself but a thunderstorm was rolling into town and put the kabosh on the festivities. Oh well.
Anyways, I think I've transformed from "total social fuck-up" to "meh, social rookie." At least its progress, I suppose.
Fourth of July was okay, first one I've had without family, but whatever. Met a nice gal at a parade with her dog and she was fun to talk to but brought up her boyfriend, which i was cool with, but just left it at a nice conversation.
Just got back from a large, weekly city festival and had pretty nice chat with a young lady ahd her friends, but the night was getting dark and they ended up heading to the bars, a realm which I am forbidden for a few more months. (She says she goes every week, like I do, so maybe I'll see her next week.) I was feeling pretty decent with myself but a thunderstorm was rolling into town and put the kabosh on the festivities. Oh well.
Anyways, I think I've transformed from "total social fuck-up" to "meh, social rookie." At least its progress, I suppose.
And easy to talk to =/= friendzone all the time. Nor does gentlemen, nor does nice or anything like that. If she ever says "you're like a brother to me" or "I can tell you anything" then that's more of a reason to believe that you're getting friendzoned. But a girl getting comfortable with you does not mean she just wants to keep it platonic. Not every girl wants the same thing, and not every girl is going to express those wants the same way.
Robot_Rave
Neo Member
Hi guys I was wondering if I could get some advice?
On Tuesday I am going out with a girl I've met on a dating site, we've agreed to have lunch and then go to the movies. I'm 22 years old, this will be the first time I have ever dated a girl, and I'm just looking for some general advice, like am I supposed to pay, or are we supposed to pay for ourselves?
On Tuesday I am going out with a girl I've met on a dating site, we've agreed to have lunch and then go to the movies. I'm 22 years old, this will be the first time I have ever dated a girl, and I'm just looking for some general advice, like am I supposed to pay, or are we supposed to pay for ourselves?
Hey, first of all congrats on the date! I normally advice against going to the movies on a first (even second or third) date. However, the fact that you're getting lunch together beforehand is great. It allows you two to talk and look each other in the eye rather than just sitting in the dark in near silence. As far as paying for the date is concerned. I'm old fashioned and usually simply offer to pay for the entire thing. However, if she insists or when getting dinner (which may get expensive rather quickly), I always accept when she offers to chip in.
Best of luck on Tuesday, and most important of all, have fun!
Major Zero
Banned
Cue all the "oh boohoo he's so full of crap" but another life lesson video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YOq8itGYTI
Of course you'd think your own quote "is so true", why else would you post it? :lol
That's the worst advice you can ever give a guy who can't find a girl, my god it's flawed in so many ways
Robot_Rave
Neo Member
haha thank you, I agree with you in regards to movies on first dates, she originally just wanted to go to the movies, but I suggested getting lunch before and she seemed to like that idea.
Thanks for the advice, and yeah I will have fun, getting lunch and going to the movies sounds like a good day, especially if it's with a cute girl lol.
NeOak
Member
Not at all. If you actively look for any girl, you'll always come to them as "needy".
Wasn't your Ex back in touch with you too? Curious how that worked out.
Congrats dude!
I guess this is a regional/upbringing thing, but I am one to always pay for the girl. Heck, i do this with my friends that are girls most of the time. (Im in Texas)
If anything, at least pay for one of the two.
In the movies, make sure there is a little contact....like the light arms on the same arm rest or something. Don't force it of course, but put yourself into a position for her to easily iniciate contact. That is important so let me say it again.
PUT YOURSELF IN A POSITION FOR HER TO INITIATE CONTACT WITHOUT IT BEING AWKWARD. Dont be a dbag about it (ie stand freakishly close or anything) but don't be so far out of her personal space that she has to make some large gesture to touch you. (Think if you are making a joke and she laughes and touches your arm).
Also, and depending on the date if you are going in for the kiss, again. THINK POSITIONING. Reaching across a car seat is a little awkward. Get my point.
Good luck. You will be fine.
How do you figure?
Needy is typically when you call or text someone 5 or 6 times after just meeting them or begging them to go out with you again. In some people's minds, they're only being persistent or feel as if they're trying to let that person know that they're really into making something happen - but often times it comes across as annoying as fuck and damn near obsessive.
Robot_Rave
Neo Member
thanks for the advice Tex, really helpful
Fuck that, try 500 million years of evolution or somesuch and it's been a struggle all the way for every being. Only way it's not is if your ancestors pulled some amazing heist off (speaking metaphorically).
We can misread signals because we get more than one chance. If life was a 1 fail = death state it probably wouldn't have gotten very far.
TLDR= live and learn. Make mistakes, and learn from em. Don't be tragic.
The Technomancer
card-carrying scientician
Not my experience at all, its all about how you present yourself and how you present the "initiation"
Also girl I was hanging out with on the Fourth was definitely looking for just friendship at the moment. Absolutely no way to misinterpret some of the conversation we had, but she also wasn't "rejecting" me (the conversation wasn't nearly that overt). I'm pretty comfortable with the whole thing honestly, just gonna keep looking.
You FIND multiple girls, THEN you stop seeking.
If you're holed up in your room, not interacting with people regularly no one is going to find you, yes.
You're right about the definition of 'needy', but desirable is yet one step further off. A guy that is cool / attractive / whatever enough that he's busy with other people won't be asking a girl out very often at all, nor interacting, whatever.
You can be needy (turn off), not needy (neutral), or let girls contact you first (you must be popular, so you're valuable).
Basically, that probably works more for girls that are a bit popular themselves. If a girl has no self-esteem or relatively low she will think you just found another girl or you're happier with the other girls so that's why you never speak to her, same logic for guys (duh).
Again, I'm not a fan of trying to read people's minds and molding approaches to fit the person you're trying to hook up with. Because that is exactly what is happening most of the time for some of the people here - you're bending over backwards to give someone the "right" answers like its a bioware game or something.
It is definitely in most people's best interest to keep options open and see a lot of people instead of trying to find one perfect person. When you've got your shit together, you don't need to worry about one girl turning down your resume. And its really not even about being popular - its more about putting yourself out there. It works for both sexes too. If your shit is straight, it speaks for itself - and if you broadcast that you're single AND LOOKING FOR "FRIENDS" then the work will almost do itself.
But people keep looking for the shortcut of not getting their own shit straightened out first and trying to talk people into liking them or trying to read the pauses between their words. Because if you do actually get things started with some person, how the hell are you going to keep that act up? You're not a mind reader, and you're not the person you're trying to pretend to be in the first place. That kind of thing is only good for a quick hook up - but some people just aren't even in the right kind of mind frame or position to do that sort of thing.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
You know I've been thinking. To attract a girl you need to have something to offer and I can't help but wonder what I really have to offer. My social standing is low, I do alright when it comes to money but I'm still in school so I'm not loaded or anything, and I can do fun stuff but not nearly as experienced in life as some other people. Where to start?
Raitosaito
Member
You're selling yourself short man. Think about more specific traits you have to offer, and of course pushing those will get you far regardless of income level or any of that other stuff.
***This only applies to those who can say, with confidence, that they have their shit together***
Everything about you can be displayed as a positive. Don't get out much? That just means that whoever is with you will get to be there as you experience those firsts. Don't have a lot of money? Its not a big deal - you can have a great time without it. Value > Price. Always. Social standing? Don't even consider that. You're either the best kept secret, they're hating and have their heads up their asses, or you simply don't follow the crowd. Its more about presentation than whats on your resume at the time. But that's a LOT different than pretending that you're king dingaling. Its just about how send those facts across. "Well, I stay in the dorms :|" does not have the same impact as "Yeah, I stay on campus. No, point being in college and not living the college experience
" and that same kind of small touch can be applied to all sorts of things.It doesn't apply to just dating either. That needs to be something you're always doing. Not only does it sound positive to others, but it sounds positive to yourself as well.
Well, just had date 3, or 2.5, with the girl I met online roughly two weeks ago. She came over to my place, made pancakes and after dinner we headed towards the beach to get some fresh air and enjoy the setting sun with a bottle of wine. After a long chat we proceeded with a huge make-out session, which, needless to say, was a lot of fun. However, I think I've come to the conclusion that I'm a terrible kisser (usually I'm drunk when making out, this time not some much). Like I seriously feel that I'm shit at it. Not quite sure how to mend this new found problem.
Afterwards we headed back to my place and I dropped her off at the station. I was kinda hoping she'd spend the night, but alas. On our way back to the train station she told me she had fun and asked me if I wanted together again soon, which I agreed to. We waited for the train and when it arrived I kissed her goodbye.
Anyone have any tips on how to become a better kisser?
Afterwards we headed back to my place and I dropped her off at the station. I was kinda hoping she'd spend the night, but alas. On our way back to the train station she told me she had fun and asked me if I wanted together again soon, which I agreed to. We waited for the train and when it arrived I kissed her goodbye.
Anyone have any tips on how to become a better kisser?
Nerds with Guns
Banned
***This only applies to those who can say, with confidence, that they have their shit together***
Everything about you can be displayed as a positive. Don't get out much? That just means that whoever is with you will get to be there as you experience those firsts. Don't have a lot of money? Its not a big deal - you can have a great time without it. Value > Price. Always. Social standing? Don't even consider that. You're either the best kept secret, they're hating and have their heads up their asses, or you simply don't follow the crowd. Its more about presentation than whats on your resume at the time. But that's a LOT different than pretending that you're king dingaling. Its just about how send those facts across. "Well, I stay in the dorms :|" does not have the same impact as "Yeah, I stay on campus. No, point being in college and not living the college experience
It doesn't apply to just dating either. That needs to be something you're always doing. Not only does it sound positive to others, but it sounds positive to yourself as well.
This is a really, really great post.
Keep practicing with her, it's that simple.
Start off slow, and then slowly build it up.
Men (at first) are typically like a light switch and go all in, whereas women are a lot more gradual in intensity.
Take what I'm saying with a grain of salt though, I don't have much experience.
Great post, I just wish I lived the "college experience".***This only applies to those who can say, with confidence, that they have their shit together***
Everything about you can be displayed as a positive. Don't get out much? That just means that whoever is with you will get to be there as you experience those firsts. Don't have a lot of money? Its not a big deal - you can have a great time without it. Value > Price. Always. Social standing? Don't even consider that. You're either the best kept secret, they're hating and have their heads up their asses, or you simply don't follow the crowd. Its more about presentation than whats on your resume at the time. But that's a LOT different than pretending that you're king dingaling. Its just about how send those facts across. "Well, I stay in the dorms :|" does not have the same impact as "Yeah, I stay on campus. No, point being in college and not living the college experience
It doesn't apply to just dating either. That needs to be something you're always doing. Not only does it sound positive to others, but it sounds positive to yourself as well.
Ugh.
electricshake
Member
You are hot.
Bucket-o-roadkill
Member
***This only applies to those who can say, with confidence, that they have their shit together***
Everything about you can be displayed as a positive. Don't get out much? That just means that whoever is with you will get to be there as you experience those firsts. Don't have a lot of money? Its not a big deal - you can have a great time without it. Value > Price. Always. Social standing? Don't even consider that. You're either the best kept secret, they're hating and have their heads up their asses, or you simply don't follow the crowd. Its more about presentation than whats on your resume at the time. But that's a LOT different than pretending that you're king dingaling. Its just about how send those facts across. "Well, I stay in the dorms :|" does not have the same impact as "Yeah, I stay on campus. No, point being in college and not living the college experience
It doesn't apply to just dating either. That needs to be something you're always doing. Not only does it sound positive to others, but it sounds positive to yourself as well.
THIS is the sort of advice that people come in here for, simply awesome. Couldn't agree more with it, the power of putting yourself into the mindset of spinning EVERYTHING positively is priceless. This sort of stuff should be put into the OP in my opinion.
I need this post printed out and stuck in my room or something so I read it every day and get it into my head to be fucking POSITIVE and maintaining it. My biggest downfall has been being this positive awesome guy who gets the most beautiful girls interested.. Only for it to fall away because negativity creeps in. I have blown a number of chances and lost a girl, who I believe should have been the love of my life, from battling with negativity and being negative about myself. DON'T allow yourself to fall into that trap, I have no doubts that if I can take this advice and try to cut out a lot of negativity, I'll be fine when it comes to women. It's time I stopped talking about it and started DOING it!
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