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[Bam Bam Baklava]

Was talking to a girl I know on facebook who is just a friend. She was going on about how she goes to some clubs in LA and stuff. So I say I'll tag along one of these days to check it out to which she replies something like "Oh you wouldn't like it or wouldn't fit in".

Weak.

 

[Out of Working Order]

Hmm. Insist that you would like to go out with them. If you are a quiet person, perhaps she just assumes you would not like the noise of a loud club.

 

[Tex117]

I'm sorry that I have to ignore the advise in this thread. I really have to make the call. It's one of those situations where I would regret it later if I didn't, as weird as that sounds. I already have what I'm going to say written (won't read it word for word, it's mostly for guidelines and so I don't forget something, and it's only like 4 sentences long.)

I hate being alone. Really hate it. It's a big part of the reason I am the way I am. I've been alone all my life. And I'll do whatever is reasonable to fix it.

I'll wait as long as I can before making the call, but I can't see myself being able to hold it past Sunday...

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.

You will feel worse about 4 hours after the call.

Come back and tell us how bad it sucked. We will all be waiting </end tough advice>

 

[SlipperySlope]

Why dont you tell us what you wrote down? Also what is the significance of Sunday?

I've got it written down at home, I'll get it after work. Why Sunday? I get lonely on Sundays. It's the day I know I'll crack. It's the day people don't really do much, so highest chance I'll call when she's not busy.

 

[Tex117]

I did it. I spoke with her this morning and I started to get a sense of cruelty in her that I didn't see before. She seems so okay with crushing my heart like this.

Edit: I take that back.. there's no cruelty there. I'm starting to believe we weren't compatible and that she's right about this.

Ugh, don't torture yourself. That is exactly what you are doing.

I emplore you to take my advice. Go radio silent. Day by day...hour by hour if you have to. Yes, its all you can think about. Yes, you feel that the only way to stop the pain is to get back together, but let me assure you this is a delusion. Do you want a women in your life that let you go? Let me answer, Hell No.

Get strong, get tough, de-friend, don't text, don't call. This will blow... If she wants you back, then she knows where to find you, and she will have to WIN YOU BACK. She hurt you. Don't let her keep hurting you.

And then it will get better, and in two weeks you will be mad at yourself for thinking about calling.

And in a month, you will be well on your way to being over it.

 

[maquiladora]

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.

You will feel worse about 4 hours after the call.

Come back and tell us how bad it sucked. We will all be waiting </end tough advice>

This.

But sometimes the only way to learn is the hard way until you reach that epiphany moment.

 

[Tex117]

I've got it written down at home, I'll get it after work. Why Sunday? I get lonely on Sundays. It's the day I know I'll crack. It's the day people don't really do much, so highest chance I'll call when she's not busy.

Sundays are always the worst. You are not alone.

 

[Chinner]

this is what happens when you go into relationships looking to complete yourself. welps im unhappy with myself and have issues with depression. i know, i need to find a girlfriend!

 

[maquiladora]

I've got it written down at home, I'll get it after work. Why Sunday? I get lonely on Sundays. It's the day I know I'll crack. It's the day people don't really do much, so highest chance I'll call when she's not busy.

If I were you I'd delete her number and if you are lucky enough not to know it by heart then you'll have stopped yourself from being able to call/txt her.

It does make things so much easier in the long term.

 

[subversus]

feels good to be back at the dating scene. Just had another date today - we walked in the park, fed squirrels, pigeons and ducks. She is a very cute, soft-spoken girl with a strong character (as I perceive it). The date went ok, not sure if she liked me enough to continue seeing each other but we'll see. She goes on vacation tommorow and goes alone. It's her first vacation abroad. She's pretty so I think she'll receive a lot of attention and find company fast. I wonder if she maintains interest after that, but I'll ping her again when she returns at the end of July.

but damn, it feels good! I regret that I took this rug to sit on the grass instead of my camera.

 

[maquiladora]

but damn, it feels good! I regret that I took this rug to sit on the grass instead of my camera.

 

[vctor182]

This.

But sometimes the only way to learn is the hard way until you reach that epiphany moment.

Agreed, some guys are able to reach that moment before actually going through the whole "self-destruct" process. To be one of those guys you really need to learn from your experiences AND apply them in your life.

 

[DY_nasty]

this is what happens when you go into relationships looking to complete yourself. welps im unhappy with myself and have issues with depression. i know, i need to find a girlfriend!

that'll fix everything

note - slipperslope's method of dig your own grave, pour gasoline on yourself, and hop in with a grenade is the wrong thing to do. When you spend that much time outlining your issues, then jump right back to "I can make it work with her!"...

get real

 

[low-G]

So were chillin, just talking and shit until we pull up to our house. I get out, go in and start making some food. My roommate comes in like 10 mins later and he says something like "yo thats girl thought i was hot so she gave me her number and she wants to fuck soon."

The fact that he would tell you like this makes me think he's part way full of shit, at least this time. But the dude has a connection (friend of friend) and he's got to be a smooth talker then, so what, you can learn a few pieces from him and work on whatever you think you're lacking physically that you can work with.

Being 26 now I don't feel as young as I would like. I feel like a lot of women at this age are considering who they want to be with for the far future.

I'm 31 now and I date younger girls almost exclusively. Age isn't going to be a problem for you for a while, and even then it will probably remain not a problem. I can go out with attractive girls 10 years younger than me.

Was talking to a girl I know on facebook who is just a friend. She was going on about how she goes to some clubs in LA and stuff. So I say I'll tag along one of these days to check it out to which she replies something like "Oh you wouldn't like it or wouldn't fit in".

Weak.

Not a friend.

this is what happens when you go into relationships looking to complete yourself. welps im unhappy with myself and have issues with depression. i know, i need to find a girlfriend!

These sensible, insightful Chinner posts are scaring me! ;________;

 

[celebi23]

So, quick question, I'm the one who usually initiates the texting and decided to see if she texts me first today. So far, nothing. Should I be concerned? Should I text her?

 

[Chinner]

when did you last text?

 

[low-G]

So, quick question, I'm the one who usually initiates the texting and decided to see if she texts me first today. So far, nothing. Should I be concerned? Should I text her?

This is a thing even for people, both guys and girls, even in long term relationships. I say don't worry about it so much.

Usually though if there's a person that is known to 'text first' and that person stops the other person won't pick up the slack not out of not caring but out of habit & expectations.

Text because you feel like it, not because you're testing her. Unless you want to text her. In which case, make yourself insane.

Beware that texting daily in the early stages of a relationship or dating can be a sign that you're really needy.

 

[celebi23]

when did you last text?

Last night

This is a thing even for people, both guys and girls, even in long term relationships. I say don't worry about it so much.

Usually though if there's a person that is known to 'text first' and that person stops the other person won't pick up the slack not out of not caring but out of habit & expectations.

Text because you feel like it, not because you're testing her. Unless you want to text her. In which case, make yourself insane.

Beware that texting daily in the early stages of a relationship or dating can be a sign that you're really needy.

Ok, thanks for the advice.

 

[FO-totality]

Was talking to a girl I know on facebook who is just a friend. She was going on about how she goes to some clubs in LA and stuff. So I say I'll tag along one of these days to check it out to which she replies something like "Oh you wouldn't like it or wouldn't fit in".

Weak.

I'd either not consider her a friend or quip back "How would you know? Maybe I would, you don't know that."

 

[celebi23]

Well, I sent her a text saying "Hey, how's your day going?" about 20 minutes ago. No response yet.

 

[Chinner]

obviously it depends on the dynamic between you two, what she's like and how much of a texter she is, but don't text constantly. don't waste good conversation on text when you could be having it in person.

 

[SlipperySlope]

Well, I sent her a text saying "Hey, how's your day going?" about 20 minutes ago. No response yet.

Don't worry about it. Sometimes girls respond right away. Sometimes they are busy. Sometimes they don't hear the phone from their purse. Sometimes they are at work and it's on vibrate in their purse.

Edit - guys almost always respond faster than girls.

 

[SlipperySlope]

Oh, and not texting for a day is a good way to get her to think about you. "why didn't he text me???". Less is more sometimes.

 

[NeOak]

Well, I sent her a text saying "Hey, how's your day going?" about 20 minutes ago. No response yet.

You should have:

A. Waited until tomorrow.
B. Not asked about her day

Send her something like "I hear Starbucks has this new coffee that tastes unlike coffee. You should try it" or something, idk.

 

[SlipperySlope]

You should have:

A. Waited until tomorrow.
B. Not asked about her day

Send her something like "I hear Starbucks has this new coffee that tastes unlike coffee. You should try it" or something, idk.

I cannot quote this enough. You need to get them to want to get texts from you. Make them think "yes! He texted me!". Don't send boring texts, ever.

 

[Coconut]

Oh, and not texting for a day is a good way to get her to think about you. "why didn't he text me???". Less is more sometimes.

That shit is stupid and if they are into you they'd be juiced to hear from you.

 

[vctor182]

That shit is stupid and if they are into you they'd be juiced to hear from you.

It all depends on how much the girl is into you. In my experience when a girl was totally into me or very interested she would text me at random times even asking for jokes or something silly. Girls are very aware of their cellphones most of the time unless something external forbids them to carry it around

 

[waypoetic]

Oh yeah. I've got a date! We're meeting up at a pretty fancy part of town for wine this friday.

Can we just fastforward to friday pls?

 

[low-G]

It all depends on how much the girl is into you. In my experience when a girl was totally into me or very interested she would text me at random times even asking for jokes or something silly. Girls are very aware of their cellphones most of the time unless something external forbids them to carry it around

Depends on the girl wholly. Well, maybe it's because I'm a bit older but the young ones (25 or younger) have their cell phone attached to their very soul, like I do. The older ones are often more aloof from cells. But I'm sure it also varies a lot.

Well, I sent her a text saying "Hey, how's your day going?" about 20 minutes ago. No response yet.

If you're counting the minutes you are just driving yourself insane and that's texting for the wrong reasons. I know from experience. Once you let that go you'll feel better.

obviously it depends on the dynamic between you two, what she's like and how much of a texter she is, but don't text constantly. don't waste good conversation on text when you could be having it in person.

Very well put. I keep wasting some conversations in emails / messaging to people. I'm not as bad at this as some but I need to clean up my act there.

You should have:

A. Waited until tomorrow.
B. Not asked about her day

Send her something like "I hear Starbucks has this new coffee that tastes unlike coffee. You should try it" or something, idk.

Well put. Text for a god damned reason, not to [PING:ARE YOU STILL INTERESTED IN ME... AWAITING RESPONSE.]



Things have taken a violent upwards swing to the positive in terms of girls seeking me out lately, although I'm not getting as much from the cute Asian types I have that UTTER ALL CONSUMING LUST for. Either way, probably have a date this weekend & a few others lining up.

 

[Devolution]

I gotta say making texts your primary mode of communication is just a bad idea. Got something you really need to say? Call a person, damn.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

I gotta say making texts your primary mode of communication is just a bad idea. Got something you really need to say? Call a person, damn.

 

[Vermillion]

I gotta say making texts your primary mode of communication is just a bad idea. Got something you really need to say? Call a person, damn.

Learned this the hard way. But I use texts to catch up or whatever from the previous night. Nothing too important to call them for but to ask them out. And the day after you got their number.

 

[greenry]

Well, I sent her a text saying "Hey, how's your day going?" about 20 minutes ago. No response yet.

Like I said, this over texting is gong to be your downfall. The longer you wait to meet in person - the worse it is going to get.

 

[SlipperySlope]

I gotta say making texts your primary mode of communication is just a bad idea. Got something you really need to say? Call a person, damn.

Frankly, I don't even like long phone conversations. IMO primary mode of communicating should be in person.

Texting: flirting
Calling: get a date
In person: conversation

In general... some things can cross boundaries.

 

[DY_nasty]

how the fuck do people go from having mental breakdowns to giving out advice?

happened twice in this thread in two weeks

come the fuck on

 

[low-G]

how the fuck do people go from having mental breakdowns to giving out advice?

happened twice in this thread in two weeks

come the fuck on

You learn from your mistakes, and sometimes you know better than what you do. Who better to give advice than those who have erred and learned a lesson?

I'm more inclined to doubt everything said by someone who says they've never failed.

 

[DY_nasty]

You learn from your mistakes, and sometimes you know better than what you do. Who better to give advice than those who have erred and learned a lesson?

I'm more inclined to doubt everything said by someone who says they've never failed.

That's not what I'm saying at all. Nothing close to that.

Shit, there are plenty of people on GAF that know me and my issues. The biggest being that I'm addicted to crazies and the drama they bring for better or for worse and that I'll probably never get over coming from fucked up neighborhood where 13 year old's selling their ass for pills wasn't even worth the evening news. But I deal with those problems. I look them in the mirror every day, and remember my commitment to stay above it - except the crazies, I love em. I like having that problem.

This though? No. This is guys with serious issues like depression, bipolar disorders, fear of mirrors... all kinds of shit that needs to be addressed. Immediately. By trained professionals. Instead of pretending that their shit doesn't smell for them, it needs to be called out.

 

[Mihael Mello Keehl]

How do you guys reply to smiley faces? I see them as conversation killers and I just dont text back. :/

 

[Coconut]

Frankly, I don't even like long phone conversations. IMO primary mode of communicating should be in person.

Texting: flirting
Calling: get a date
In person: conversation

In general... some things can cross boundaries.

As a person with a full time job I like texting more. Most of the busy business women I have dated agree.

 

[bjb]

GAF someone talk some sense into me.

My ex is spamming my phone. Texting and calling. I wrote her an email earlier (didn't even bother to call) to let her know that I found out about all her lying since our breakup. I told her to stay out of my life, etc.

Now she won't stop calling. I just...I guess I feel like a prick for not answering. She's practically begging me in text. Telling me that I'm hurting her. Ugh

 

[Sanky Panky]

How do you guys reply to smiley faces? I see them as conversation killers and I just dont text back. :/

they usually DO indicate the end of a convo, just like the lone "lol" also signifies the end. Change the subject if you want to keep going (or wait until you have something meaningful to say).

 

[Devolution]

GAF someone talk some sense into me.

My ex is spamming my phone. Texting and calling. I wrote her an email earlier (didn't even bother to call) to let her know that I found out about all her lying since our breakup. I told her to stay out of my life, etc.

Now she won't stop calling. I just...I guess I feel like a prick for not answering. She's practically begging me in text. Telling me that I'm hurting her. Ugh

You can do one of two things:

1. Let her talk to you about it.
2. Not reply and tell her to stop bothering.

Choose whichever you think will be the most healthy and progressive for you. We can't tell you which. Sometimes you need closure with a person, sometimes you just need them out of your life.

 

[CrushDance]

Decided not to ask her out. Just not worth the trouble.

/Bail out

 

[bjb]

You can do one of two things:

1. Let her talk to you about it.
2. Not reply and tell her to stop bothering.

Choose whichever you think will be the most healthy and progressive for you. We can't tell you which. Sometimes you need closure with a person, sometimes you just need them out of your life.

Aye. The thing is - she's really manipulative. I feel like she's just coaxing me into picking up to either say hurtful shit or get the last word in.

 

[Vermillion]

Decided not to ask her out. Just not worth the trouble.

/Bail out

ERROR

Son, you've got to stop figuring out reasons for women to not like you. Let them figure it out for themselves.

 

[Devolution]

Aye. The thing is - she's really manipulative. I feel like she's just coaxing me into picking up to either say hurtful shit or get the last word in.

Then just cut her off entirely if that's how she rolls.

 

[CrushDance]

ERROR

Son, you've got to stop figuring out reasons for women to not like you. Let them figure it out for themselves.

/Not whining/

There is really no way she'd ever date me. This isn't about confidence, it's a simple truth. You guys might not understand it but that's life. We all live it differently and all our problems are equal.

 

[TheSchwab_7]

How do you guys reply to smiley faces? I see them as conversation killers and I just dont text back. :/

I usually reply with a smiley face back. If she wants to talk to you than she'll say something else.

 

[Vermillion]

/Not whining/

There is really no way she'd ever date me. This isn't about confidence, it's a simple truth. You guys might not understand it but that's life. We all live it differently and all our problems are equal.

Unless you happen to be psychic (the spirits tell me you are not), you don't know that. If you're going to actively allow yourself to be unhappy, then what's the point of being alive? If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. But at least find out for certain.

 

[CrushDance]

Unless you happen to be psychic (the spirits tell me you are not), you don't know that. If you're going to actively allow yourself to be unhappy, then what's the point of being alive? If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. But at least find out for certain.

Let me ask you this: Why have I never had a GF? For all the praise and recognitions of achievements I get, why? At some point in a persons life, they have to realize where they fit in and where they can or can't go. My city is majority white, the majority of girls I know are white. I know only 2 black girls and 1 of them is taken, while the other doesn't want a long term relationship. So my options are: Force the issue and find a black girl, any just to say I have someone. Or shut the hell up and keep studying. I'm not going to date strictly just to date.