hawkshockey11
Banned
Dude... take a break from girls... honestly.
Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
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Dude... take a break from girls... honestly.
PhoenixSFT
Member
Is everyone at this dance out of Grease?
I respect your opinion and I think those are valid points, but I don't know what I'd replace it with that isn't a worse idea (for me, anyways)
Meh, get in where you fit in.
I've had successes with food as a first date so take it as you will. If you're meeting on Okcupid and haven't had prior IRL interactions, then maybe something that's shorter would be a better first date.
In general I've found that first dates from online dating sites are for making sure the other person is not crazy. After that you can have your first real date doing whatever.. even movies.
Movies ain't so bad. You can hold hands and establish physical contact without the awkwardness of talking. Then after the movie, you have something to talk about. Don't do movies on a first date though.
In general I've found that first dates from online dating sites are for making sure the other person is not crazy. After that you can have your first real date doing whatever.. even movies.
Movies ain't so bad. You can hold hands and establish physical contact without the awkwardness of talking. Then after the movie, you have something to talk about. Don't do movies on a first date though.
PhoenixSFT
Member
I actually had a good movie date, but it was totally unplanned. We met for sushi (great dinner choice btw), and the plan was to go to Rocket Bar in DC, but she asked me if I had any interest in seeing the Muppets. We went to a bar near the theater while we waited for the movie to start (I think we were an hour early before the next showing), chatted it up, and then we sat in the back and talked (very quietly) through most of the movie. Still watched most of it because she was a huge Muppets fan.
After that we walked around DC for a bit. Next date I cooked at my place and we cooked something together for a party I already was attending, she went to the party to, and then she broke it off. Still not sure what the fuck happened there, but whatever.
After that we walked around DC for a bit. Next date I cooked at my place and we cooked something together for a party I already was attending, she went to the party to, and then she broke it off. Still not sure what the fuck happened there, but whatever.
What happened was your movie date, or the whole cooking for a party together, that is a couples activity, not a second date thing.
I mostly talking about first date situations in regards to food or movies.
ClovingWestbrook
Banned
I've been reading your posts regarding this situation during my 'vacation' and I just have to say, STOP. WORRYING. ABOUT. HER. Seriously man. You need to realize that if you even attempt to contact Robin again regarding this situation you will becoming across as desperate and pathetic (not saying you are). The last thing you EVER want to do is come across this way.
There are BILLIONS of women on this planet. MILLIONS that live in this country alone. Why are you focusing so much on one person who doesn't share your feelings about a relationship? Move on and don't look back. SERIOUSLY.
So, is this ok? I plan on asking her something like "Depending on what time you've got class on Monday, would you want to meet up at the Basketball Hall of Fame?"
ClovingWestbrook
Banned
Does she like basketball?
I'm not sure
ClovingWestbrook
Banned
You should probably ask her beforehand. The last thing you want is to take her somewhere she wouldn't enjoy.
Ok, so something like this:
"Hey, random question but, I was wondering if you like basketball? I was thinking, that depending on what time you've got class on Monday, would you want to meet up at the Basketball Hall of Fame?"
Or, split them up into 2 questions?
ClovingWestbrook
Banned
How well do you know her? Does she ever talk about sports? Do you know if she is a fan of any local team? If it were me, I wouldn't take a first date to any museum unless I knew for a fact beforehand that they were interested. What is she interested in? Fashion?Cinema? Music?
Edit: Just read back a bit and saw she likes BttF. That leads me to believe she may like other 80s culture, movies, music. Try to do something with that in mind. I'm not sure if you have any record/music store nearby but that could be a cool place to go. It enables conversation, you get to know her, you can even buy her something if you'd like. Maybe take her for ice cream, a quick bite (not a restaurant). Remember that you want to make her comfortable, relaxed.
Ok, there's a mall in Springfield:
http://www.eastfieldmall.com
Would that be low-key enough for a first date?
Well, at least you aren' t thinking about calling her or in anyway contacting her, so there is that. Good work. BUT DO NOT GO IF YOU THINK SHE WILL BE THERE. Dude. . . (Though this is the wrong way of thinking about it because you should be focusing on yourself, she wont miss you if she sees or hears from you).
As for more unsolicited advice, be a bit careful with the "rebound." Personally, I would find some buddies and go get power wasted, but I know that's not everyones style (and I don't think its yours if I remember your posts correctly). I would still go find some friends and go out and have a good time. Go see the new batman or something. Try and give yourself a break from worrying about this all too much. (or course you will, but try).
And for heaven's sakes, try and be busy on Sunday. Sunday's are universally known for being one of the worst times (that and Friday night).
Once you are comfortable being the bad azz alone, go back out there and wreck shop with your bad self.
Some days are better than others. Its not a straight line up from being hurt, but you shall overcome. You will be strong.
ClovingWestbrook
Banned
Again, this is just me, but I would try to avoid malls or a first date. That is something very teenagersque. Are there any food joints nearby that is relaxing and tasty? Any music stores not in the mall? Is she active? Miniature golf could be fun.
FallingEdge
Member
LOL. This post was amazing.
I've had success with food too though it really should be very casual. Nothing that will lock her down for hours.
Im a huge fan of the unconventional first date (but that is only if you can own it and pull it off). I once took a girl to a gas station for the best tacos in town (Dallas). (actually have done this twice). Big success both times. The reason it worked was because it was active. We were messing around doing stuff. Not just across from each other like a job interview. Plus, its so weird, you can't help but like it. That said, if the girl isn't into adventureous/weird stuff, then it will fall like a brick. I figure if a girl can't hang through that then she isn't the girl for me.
Drinks are good if its internet because of the weirdo factor.
Drinks with the back up plan of dinner (don't SAY you are planning on dinner, but have a place in mind if the date is going well and yall get hungry).
Drinks with a back up plan of doing something goofy (if you can own it) also works.
Just relax and smile, she knows this is awkward and so do you. Don't pretend its not, but roll with it.
There's a couple of mini golf places in the Springfield area. Ok, so, I'll ask her via text:
"Hey, I was wondering if you like mini golf? I was thinking, that depending on what time you've got class on Monday, would you want to go mini golfing?"
I'll then send her some links (via message on OkCupid) of some places that I've found and then ask her what places for food she'd recommend.
ClovingWestbrook
Banned
Can't be emphasized enough. You want to make her feel comfortable and that if she isn't feeling the date she can have an easy exit. This will ACTUALLY make her more relaxed and comfortable which is what you're looking for.
NO NO NO. NO TEXTING. STOP IT NOW. DO NOT TEXT. Call her on the phone and ask her. Don't ASK her if she likes mini golf, TAKE her to mini golf. Don't ask her what places she recommends for food. TAKE HER SOMEWHERE. You are asking for the date, you find the places, you take control.
You are over-thinking everything.
Just call her and set it up.
And just my 2 cents, but DONT set a plan for food after the mini golf. It leaves you an out in case she's boring or lame.
Flowchart:
Mini Golf > She turns out to be uninteresting > tell her it was fun after the golf, you gotta go > escape
Mini Golf > She's awesome > be spontaneous and offer to go out to eat somewhere > date extended
If you plan for the food afterwards, you're stuck no matter what. Keep it all up in the air.
I learned this the hard way a few months ago. I set a plan with a girl that we'd do some hiking in the forest out here and then go out to dinner afterwards. Well, on our hike, the conversation was horrible no matter what I tried to spark up. I lost interest quickly, and dreaded how we had dinner left to go. I didn't have the heart to make up a lie that I couldn't make it to dinner, so I just had to hang tough and deal with it. I was polite, but reserved and didn't lead her on that the date was going superb or anything.
ClovingWestbrook
Banned
Exactly. Don't lay out the plan of the date. Don't tell her anything she doesn't need to know. Take it by ear.
Devolution
Member
Again with the texting. Call these women up. Get them to talk to you. If you primarily text you're basically letting her reply only on her terms and you can't gauge enough from that. If she's not responsive enough, take the hint.
ClovingWestbrook
Banned
Seriously. This is crazy for me to read. Just because you can text doesn't mean you should. How do you expect to spend HOURS with the person if you can't even call her up on the phone? To every single person in this thread who is looking for assistance with dating, #1. STOP. TEXTING. NOW.
Ok, ok, I've got the hint
Calling her in a minute. Here's the plan, I ask "depending on what time you've got class on monday, would you want to meet up for mini golf?"I found a mini golf place in East Longmeddow MA that has great reviews on Yelp
http://www.yelp.com/biz/fenway-golf-range-and-pitch-and-putt-east-longmeadow About 10-15 minutes from Springfield. And if that part of the date goes well, and if we're hungry, I mention that I found a chinese restaurant (she said she loves chinese food) about 8 minutes from there
http://www.yelp.com/biz/taos-asian-cusine-east-longmeadow-2
http://goo.gl/maps/piQB
THIS!
Mini golf is a decent idea...just because it is active. Try and think of other things as well. Remember, do what makes YOU feel comfortable. If you are comfortable, chances are highly increased that she will be too.
Have an idea in mind what you might do after (just so you don't stand there like a goober going well...what do we do now), but don't plan. Just have it set up as a back up in your mind.
It shouldn't even matter where they go if she digs him she'll have a good time no matter what.
Why are you leaving a 5 day gap for this date to take place?Ok, ok, I've got the hint
I found a mini golf place in East Longmeddow MA that has great reviews on Yelp
http://www.yelp.com/biz/fenway-golf-range-and-pitch-and-putt-east-longmeadow About 10-15 minutes from Springfield. And if that part of the date goes well, and if we're hungry, I mention that I found a chinese restaurant (she said she loves chinese food) about 8 minutes from there
http://www.yelp.com/biz/taos-asian-cusine-east-longmeadow-2
http://goo.gl/maps/piQB
PhoenixSFT
Member
Haha thanks
ClovingWestbrook
Banned
Yes, but its better to take her somewhere relaxing then say to a restaurant with a 5 course meal. It's better to take her somewhere in the open where she feels comfortable she can exit if need be as that will help her relax. Better to take her to a chill cafe than say a movie. If the whole point of a date is to get to know the other person, don't take her somewhere where that isn't possible.
I'm going to Cape Cod, with my family, tomorrow night & getting back Sunday night. If it weren't for that, I'd ask her for Friday night
I'm not that much of an idiot So, no go on the chinese restaurant? The problem is that I'm allergic to all dairy products (I mentioned it to her already and she didn't say it bugged her, she just felt bad for me) so, the places that I can eat at are kinda limited
Oh no I completely agree. That's what I was saying on the other page. I'm saying he doesn't need her feed back on the current plan It's easy going, and if shes into him she'll be juiced no matter what.
ClovingWestbrook
Banned
I'm going to Cape Cod, with my family, tomorrow night & getting back Sunday night. If it weren't for that, I'd ask her for Friday night
So, no go on the chinese restaurant? The problem is that I'm allergic to all dairy products (I mentioned it to her already and she didn't say it bugged her, she just felt bad for me) so, the places that I can eat at are kinda limited
can you find something at a chinese restaurant you can eat? If not, then don't take her there as she will feel uncomfortable being the only one eating. Take her somewhere that YOU enjoy and that you can find something to eat. If you can eat Chinese, then Chinese is a great idea.
I don't think his post was directed at you. You got a plan man. Take her miniature golfing and if it seems to be going well, ask her if she's hungry and that you know of a good chinese restaurant nearby. Easy.I'm going to Cape Cod, with my family, tomorrow night & getting back Sunday night. If it weren't for that, I'd ask her for Friday night
So, no go on the chinese restaurant? The problem is that I'm allergic to all dairy products (I mentioned it to her already and she didn't say it bugged her, she just felt bad for me) so, the places that I can eat at are kinda limited
It's not bad to do a lot of planning but do NOT let her know how much effort you put into it. It can come off as creepy as a first date.
For my first date, I did a lot of planning. Picked a restaurant based on yelp reviews, found local places around that area (wasn't familiar with the area so wanted to be ready) incase she wanted to continue the date like bowling, or a movie, or icecream or whatever. But when I asked her out on a date, all I said was, "Wanna have dinner? I know of a decent place near you I think we both would like." and left it at that. I did NOT mention about all the planning I did
The Chinese restaurant is fine. I actually called the place and they don't use any dairy products. So, do I have GAF's stamp of approval to call her now?
ClovingWestbrook
Banned
The Chinese restaurant is fine. I actually called the place and they don't use any dairy products. So, do I have GAF's stamp of approval to call her now?
Yep. Be relaxed. Don't try to impress her. Don't be the only one who talks. Don't overcomplicate it.
Bingo.
The Chinese restaurant is fine. I actually called the place and they don't use any dairy products. So, do I have GAF's stamp of approval to call her now?
HAHA you rock dude! You have my approval! So long as you are comfortable with what you are doing, then by gawd you let it rip.
Im invested in this and rooting for you!
Devolution
Member
It's best to basically know food around your planned destination for anything. Whenever we go out I see what restaurants are in the vicinity and which have the best reviews. It's not just a dating thing, it's a good habit in general.
But have a bottle of whiskey around just in case. (I kid, I kid).
PhoenixSFT
Member
Also, tapas are a great way to get a meal plus have plenty of interesting food topics come up.
that is why you shouldn't care that much as you clearly do.
Bwahaha. Always...
dude, act as your gut tells you. I would call once more in an hour so. Or may be I wouldn't and just texted her something like "I've called you but got no answer so how about... [insert what you wanted to ask]".
Again don't be so serious about that stuff, she is not the last girl on Earth.
send her 500 emails asking if shes okay.
You couldn't leave a message?
No, it rang and then I got a busy signal that went on for a bit and then I hung up.
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