Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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Minamu said:
Thanks, you're right. The phrasing of my "who are you?" was intentional, to see how she would interpret it. Her Ok might've been justified but I wasn't even asking for her name per se, as I already knew it (both of us had our names as the site nickname). I wanted to know who she IS, tell me something intriguing, you know? That didn't come across obviously. Good point on just being honest about my intentions though, might try that. Kinda goes against my current beliefs but maybe.
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Yeah don't say "hey wanna fuck?". Girls have showed me the hordes of guys that think this is a good idea, but they are either disgusted by it or shove you to the garbage bin.

Showing your intentions to get to know her and take her out are fine, but yeah...
 
Sanky Panky said:
Yeah don't say "hey wanna fuck?". Girls have showed me the hordes of guys that think this is a good idea, but they are either disgusted by it or shove you to the garbage bin.

Showing your intentions to get to know her and take her out are fine, but yeah...
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All these conflicting opinions! :D Eh, at this point I don't really care how it goes, there's a learning to curve to everything.
 
The only time I have said "wanna fuck?" as a first message online is when her profile said she was just looking for casual sex, and just one night for her next relationship length.
 
Help GAF! It's my girlfriend's birthday on Tuesday and I have no idea what to get her, here's a bit about us first;

We've been very very close for the last 3 years and finally two weeks ago we got together despite sleeping together several times etc. Now, she's absolutely crazy about me and is all over me and says things like "it feels like we've been together for years".

Now, when it comes to presents, I am the worst person in the world. I know for sure ill be sending flowers to her house (in which case, what's a good message to write on the card lol) but I don't know what else to get. Her best friend tried to find out for me and she told her "I don't need anything, I already have everything I could want right now (me)" but she did also suggest maybe jewelery. For me it seems a bit too soon for jewelery but other than that I have no idea, maybe some perfume?

Sorry for the massive message but I really am fretting over this, any help would be greatly appreciated!
 
demonkaze said:
Help GAF! It's my girlfriend's birthday on Tuesday and I have no idea what to get her, here's a bit about us first;

We've been very very close for the last 3 years and finally two weeks ago we got together despite sleeping together several times etc. Now, she's absolutely crazy about me and is all over me and says things like "it feels like we've been together for years".

Now, when it comes to presents, I am the worst person in the world. I know for sure ill be sending flowers to her house (in which case, what's a good message to write on the card lol) but I don't know what else to get. Her best friend tried to find out for me and she told her "I don't need anything, I already have everything I could want right now (me)" but she did also suggest maybe jewelery. For me it seems a bit too soon for jewelery but other than that I have no idea, maybe some perfume?

Sorry for the massive message but I really am fretting over this, any help would be greatly appreciated!
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What's her favorite food and take her out to a nice dinner of it or cook for her or plan a super sweet trip. A present doesn't have to be an item. It really is the thought that counts. Absolutely no jewelry.
 
demonkaze said:
Help GAF! It's my girlfriend's birthday on Tuesday and I have no idea what to get her, here's a bit about us first;

We've been very very close for the last 3 years and finally two weeks ago we got together despite sleeping together several times etc. Now, she's absolutely crazy about me and is all over me and says things like "it feels like we've been together for years".

Now, when it comes to presents, I am the worst person in the world. I know for sure ill be sending flowers to her house (in which case, what's a good message to write on the card lol) but I don't know what else to get. Her best friend tried to find out for me and she told her "I don't need anything, I already have everything I could want right now (me)" but she did also suggest maybe jewelery. For me it seems a bit too soon for jewelery but other than that I have no idea, maybe some perfume?

Sorry for the massive message but I really am fretting over this, any help would be greatly appreciated!
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Glad to see the concern you had a few weeks ago is no longer a concern. Good work!

Girls say things that they don't want anything, but I have learned the hard way that they WANT you to make a fret over a birthday (but don't overdue it).

Simple jewelry might work. It does not have to be extravagant.

I would probably keep in mind that though yall have just started dating, yall have known each other for awhile...so...its not like this is a totally fresh relationship.

Just my .02
 
low-G said:
Wait, you've fucked her, but you think you've been friend zoned? Why? Because if she's avoiding your physical affection that means she's drifting away, not friend zoning you. Also, friend zone isn't a thing. It just is when a girl isn't attracted to you... but you fucked her. Yeah, I know drunk, she wasn't passed out right? Just checking. Because that's rape.

How would you throw away a friendship by seeing if you want a relationship? Is she willing to have the relationship?

#1. if you go friends and you're attracted to her you'll regret it.
#2. if you're meant to be friends the relationship and even a break up shouldn't destroy that friendship. If it does that means you probably weren't meant to be friends either.
#3. When she finds some guy and gets in that relationship she won't have as much time for your friendship, if any.
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I might be a little late to this but I disagree with what Low-G said here. It seems like they've managed fine to be friends so far even with the attraction and the occasional hookups.

Also a relationship can absolutely destroy a friendship, you cross a whole different line. It's not like he just met her, they've been friends for years so I think they were meant to be friends and it's definitely not something you should think lightly about risking.

I also don't see how her having a BF would have to come in the way of their friendship. It depends on the girl of course but people can handle both friends and a relationship just fine.

Listen, I'm not saying it's impossible but I think you should definitely consider the potential consequences of a relationship with her aswell as your mutual friends.

low-G said:
Yeah, I know drunk, she wasn't passed out right? Just checking. Because that's rape.
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PS I'm not sure if this is supposed to be a joke and I don't mean to fight his battles here but what the shit is that supposed to mean. They've been friends for years and drunken hook-ups happen all the time..., I don't know why you would say that...
 
Tex117 said:
Glad to see the concern you had a few weeks ago is no longer a concern. Good work!

Girls say things that they don't want anything, but I have learned the hard way that they WANT you to make a fret over a birthday (but don't overdue it).

Simple jewelry might work. It does not have to be extravagant.

I would probably keep in mind that though yall have just started dating, yall have known each other for awhile...so...its not like this is a totally fresh relationship.

Just my .02
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Haha, yeah, thanks. It's strange how it's all turned out. I know she's into horoscopes and things like that so I thought about maybe getting her a chain with her horoscope on it or something?
 
I'm not going to hate. Obviously she seems like she wants to fuck, and so do you, so I don't see what's wrong with that. It's not like one of them is looking for a relationship.
 
Tess3ract said:
No, it was like half an hour ago. We started talking on okcupid a few days ago and since then it's been her going "I want to fuck you so bad" devolving into what we want to do to each other soon after.
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I hope when you meet her she will be as attractive as on the internet.

because usually chemistry isn't there even if the person is ok. But it is just pure luck so it might turn out ok.
 
demonkaze said:
Haha, yeah, thanks. It's strange how it's all turned out. I know she's into horoscopes and things like that so I thought about maybe getting her a chain with her horoscope on it or something?
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Its hard for another guy to recommend jewelry. I just have no idea whats cool and whats not. Sounds perfectly fine to me though.
 
The hot girl I got the number to... Only issue is she lives in Victorville. An hour and a half away...

Thinking about asking her to come down here tomorrow to go to the beach. There isn't shit to do in Victorville...

And like I said, she's planning to move down here anyway for school.

Edit. The other problem with this: none of the dates can be short. I can't ask her to just coffee...
 
SlipperySlope said:
The hot girl I got the number to... Only issue is she lives in Victorville. An hour and a half away...

Thinking about asking her to come down here tomorrow to go to the beach. There isn't shit to do in Victorville...

And like I said, she's planning to move down here anyway for school.

Edit. The other problem with this: none of the dates can be short. I can't ask her to just coffee...
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Is there anywhere in between where both of you could meet?

It's kind of tough either way if one of you have to drive 1.5 hrs for a first date.
 
SlipperySlope said:
The hot girl I got the number to... Only issue is she lives in Victorville. An hour and a half away...

Thinking about asking her to come down here tomorrow to go to the beach. There isn't shit to do in Victorville...

And like I said, she's planning to move down here anyway for school.

Edit. The other problem with this: none of the dates can be short. I can't ask her to just coffee...
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You need to work on other things than girls.
 
Well this is weird...

I'm pretty sure. 99.9% sure that I just got myself a girlfriend. She approached me first actually and I was just not having it, I tried to bail and remarked on my size; asking her if she was intimidated jokingly. She said no, that she found me rather cute...hence why she approached. I just sat there dumbfounded as we suddenly started a conversation that quickly veered into weird shit(Read: Anime that I watched eons ago). Now she wants to do more.

I'm just...angry? if that's the right word? I know it sounds weird. But. I feel like with her approaching me, being very attractive, being white, being a red-head on top of it all and really geeky; it basically invalidates every negative thought I had about myself and how people viewed me. Hence my self isolation and incessant bitching.

But now I don't have anything to complain about. How do I not sabotage this? I really feel like just telling her that I'm not interested or ready for a relationship yet and working on myself until I'm ready.

Edit: I really don't want to get hurt or "love" someone again. The first time was way too painful and I'm still recovering. It was a stupid thing I did and that girl was just messing with me. I knew it but so badly wanted validation that I played along. Maybe she'll stay with me for a week or 10 years, who knows? I liked talking to her, I liked the things she brought up and knew about, but I feel that if things turn out bad. I'll really lose all my hope in humanity. And it angers me that I feel that way because it shouldn't be a big deal if a relationship ends. I thought I was strong enough and past that, but these feelings of apprehension that I'm having are saying
otherwise. I don't want to fail.

Edit: I'm really quite excited though. We stayed up all last night talking about the new batman movie...I'm really dumbstruck by all of this. I actually had serious fun for the first time in a long time. She's really freaking stunning though. I couldn't help but stare at times. >_>
 
CrushDance said:
Well this is weird...

I'm pretty sure. 99.9% sure that I just got myself a girlfriend. She approached me first actually and I was just not having it, I tried to bail and remarked on my size; asking her if she was intimidated jokingly. She said no, that she found me rather cute...hence why she approached. I just sat there dumbfounded as we suddenly started a conversation that quickly veered into weird shit(Read: Anime that I watched eons ago). Now she wants to do more.

I'm just...angry? if that's the right word? I know it sounds weird. But. I feel like with her approaching me, being very attractive, being white, being a red-head on top of it all and really geeky; it basically invalidates every negative thought I had about myself and how people viewed me. Hence my self isolation and incessant bitching.

But now I don't have anything to complain about. How do I not sabotage this? I really feel like just telling her that I'm not interested or ready for a relationship yet and working on myself until I'm ready.

Edit: I really don't want to get hurt or "love" someone again. The first time was way too painful and I'm still recovering. It was a stupid thing I did and that girl was just messing with me. I knew it but so badly wanted validation that I played along. Maybe she'll stay with me for a week or 10 years, who knows? I liked talking to her, I liked the things she brought up and knew about, but I feel that if things turn out bad. I'll really lose all my hope in humanity. And it angers me that I feel that way because it shouldn't be a big deal if a relationship ends. I thought I was strong enough and past that, but these feelings of apprehension that I'm having are saying
otherwise. I don't want to fail.

Edit: I'm really quite excited though. We stayed up all last night talking about the new batman movie...I'm really dumbstruck by all of this. I actually had serious fun for the first time in a long time. She's really freaking stunning though. I couldn't help but stare at times. >_>
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Easy up my friend.

But I will leave you with this. DON'T BE A COWARD.
 
Sanky Panky said:
Yeah don't say "hey wanna fuck?". Girls have showed me the hordes of guys that think this is a good idea, but they are either disgusted by it or shove you to the garbage bin.

Showing your intentions to get to know her and take her out are fine, but yeah...
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Worked for me... lol. Nothing is true, everything is permitted.

UFRA said:
Even in that case it's a shitty first message.
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One would think.

KlotePino said:
PS I'm not sure if this is supposed to be a joke and I don't mean to fight his battles here but what the shit is that supposed to mean. They've been friends for years and drunken hook-ups happen all the time..., I don't know why you would say that...
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Not a joke, that's rape. A.k.a. 'soft rape', if you're a db.

If you ask a girl if she wants to have sex before she's drunk, not rape, though.
 
low-G said:
Worked for me... lol. Nothing is true, everything is permitted.
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You must be very good looking then ;) Clever creed reference, honestly.

I decided to stay home tonight, saving myself for tomorrow. I was supposed to go out but I never heard back from my company so I didn't bother. Tomorrow though, I'm going out no matter what! I make my own company :)
 
CrushDance said:
Well this is weird...

I'm pretty sure. 99.9% sure that I just got myself a girlfriend. She approached me first actually and I was just not having it, I tried to bail and remarked on my size; asking her if she was intimidated jokingly. She said no, that she found me rather cute...hence why she approached. I just sat there dumbfounded as we suddenly started a conversation that quickly veered into weird shit(Read: Anime that I watched eons ago). Now she wants to do more.

I'm just...angry? if that's the right word? I know it sounds weird. But. I feel like with her approaching me, being very attractive, being white, being a red-head on top of it all and really geeky; it basically invalidates every negative thought I had about myself and how people viewed me. Hence my self isolation and incessant bitching.

But now I don't have anything to complain about. How do I not sabotage this? I really feel like just telling her that I'm not interested or ready for a relationship yet and working on myself until I'm ready.

Edit: I really don't want to get hurt or "love" someone again. The first time was way too painful and I'm still recovering. It was a stupid thing I did and that girl was just messing with me. I knew it but so badly wanted validation that I played along. Maybe she'll stay with me for a week or 10 years, who knows? I liked talking to her, I liked the things she brought up and knew about, but I feel that if things turn out bad. I'll really lose all my hope in humanity. And it angers me that I feel that way because it shouldn't be a big deal if a relationship ends. I thought I was strong enough and past that, but these feelings of apprehension that I'm having are saying
otherwise. I don't want to fail.

Edit: I'm really quite excited though. We stayed up all last night talking about the new batman movie...I'm really dumbstruck by all of this. I actually had serious fun for the first time in a long time. She's really freaking stunning though. I couldn't help but stare at times. >_>
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Echoing everyone here. Just RELAX! See where things go. Seriously, you were complaining earlier that the white women in your area are all racist and that it's impossible for you to find someone... then here comes a stunning beautiful girl who threw herself at you. You didn't even have to do anything! And you're thinking about telling her that ur not interested in a relationship? Did I hear that right? The amount of self-sabotage I read here is just amazing. Please don't do this. If you're not sure if you can trust so easily just take it slow.
 
SlipperySlope said:
The hot girl I got the number to... Only issue is she lives in Victorville. An hour and a half away...

Thinking about asking her to come down here tomorrow to go to the beach. There isn't shit to do in Victorville...

And like I said, she's planning to move down here anyway for school.

Edit. The other problem with this: none of the dates can be short. I can't ask her to just coffee...
Click to expand...

After reading your other posts in this thread... I hope she knows what she's getting into.
 
CrushDance said:
Well this is weird...

I'm pretty sure. 99.9% sure that I just got myself a girlfriend. She approached me first actually and I was just not having it, I tried to bail and remarked on my size; asking her if she was intimidated jokingly. She said no, that she found me rather cute...hence why she approached. I just sat there dumbfounded as we suddenly started a conversation that quickly veered into weird shit(Read: Anime that I watched eons ago). Now she wants to do more.

I'm just...angry? if that's the right word? I know it sounds weird. But. I feel like with her approaching me, being very attractive, being white, being a red-head on top of it all and really geeky; it basically invalidates every negative thought I had about myself and how people viewed me. Hence my self isolation and incessant bitching.

But now I don't have anything to complain about. How do I not sabotage this? I really feel like just telling her that I'm not interested or ready for a relationship yet and working on myself until I'm ready.

Edit: I really don't want to get hurt or "love" someone again. The first time was way too painful and I'm still recovering. It was a stupid thing I did and that girl was just messing with me. I knew it but so badly wanted validation that I played along. Maybe she'll stay with me for a week or 10 years, who knows? I liked talking to her, I liked the things she brought up and knew about, but I feel that if things turn out bad. I'll really lose all my hope in humanity. And it angers me that I feel that way because it shouldn't be a big deal if a relationship ends. I thought I was strong enough and past that, but these feelings of apprehension that I'm having are saying
otherwise. I don't want to fail.

Edit: I'm really quite excited though. We stayed up all last night talking about the new batman movie...I'm really dumbstruck by all of this. I actually had serious fun for the first time in a long time. She's really freaking stunning though. I couldn't help but stare at times. >_>
Click to expand...

Stranger things have happened. Just let it ride.
 
Minamu said:
You must be very good looking then ;) Clever creed reference, honestly.

I decided to stay home tonight, saving myself for tomorrow. I was supposed to go out but I never heard back from my company so I didn't bother. Tomorrow though, I'm going out no matter what! I make my own company :)
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Leeness knows what I look like and I don't think I look better than you (that is, I know I look great, but if I can pull a girl like this with those techniques so can you). It's purely confidence, experience, and maybe insight.

And yeah right now I'm getting more than I need. Girl wants me tonight and a have a date with a diff girl tomorrow. I think I'm going to stay home and watch Star Trek. /nerd

But really this is why I'm in dating age, not seduction age.


Also I'm wondering if I'm crazy for not hooking up with that girl right now...
 
First date with a girl tonight. She wanted to see movie, so I pick her up, meet her parents, and we go. During the previews she is fiddling with her phone the entire time because Saturday is her birthday so people had been sending happy birthday text messages. An hr into the movie she tells me she is going to leave to go have drinks with some of her friends and walks out but tells me she'll text me tomorrow.

My thoughts right now: Fuck her. She can text all she wants but screw that, she ain't worth it. Am I right, Dating GAF?
 
NateDrake said:
First date with a girl tonight. She wanted to see movie, so I pick her up, meet her parents, and we go. During the previews she is fiddling with her phone the entire time because Saturday is her birthday so people had been sending happy birthday text messages. An hr into the movie she tells me she is going to leave to go have drinks with some of her friends and walks out but tells me she'll text me tomorrow.

My thoughts right now: Fuck her. She can text all she wants but screw that, she ain't worth it. Am I right, Dating GAF?
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If she was in to you, she would have invited you for drinks.

I'd go with your thoughts. What she did is pure arsehole move.
 
NateDrake said:
First date with a girl tonight. She wanted to see movie, so I pick her up, meet her parents, and we go. During the previews she is fiddling with her phone the entire time because Saturday is her birthday so people had been sending happy birthday text messages. An hr into the movie she tells me she is going to leave to go have drinks with some of her friends and walks out but tells me she'll text me tomorrow.

My thoughts right now: Fuck her. She can text all she wants but screw that, she ain't worth it. Am I right, Dating GAF?
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That's downright asshole right there. Tell her to take a hike if she texts you again. Did you pay for her ticket?
 
Izick said:
tell her to go fuck herself. that's a fucking low-down dirty ass shit thing to do man.
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I'm still a little stunned by it all. One of the friends was her ex as of a month ago, not that it changes anything. I didn't even want to go out tonight, she made the movie plans and then bails on it. Won't lie, first thought was "Am I that bad looking that you have to leave a movie date......."
 
NateDrake said:
I'm still a little stunned by it all. One of the friends was her ex as of a month ago, not that it changes anything. I didn't even want to go out tonight, she made the movie plans and then bails on it.
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she sounds like a bitch if she'd just walk out on you in the middle of the date. anybody who does that is a fucking bitch.
 
Today showed me that I still have a long way to improving my social skills with girls: I still have trouble creating exciting conversations like the successful guys do. It isn't like I clam up or get nervous when the ice is broken--approach anxiety is a different matter haha!--but I just am not an exciting guy like the other "alpha males" (and god do I hate that jargon).

There was a big pool party today and I actually had a few girls approach me. It wasn't like I crashed and burned or anything, but I apart from typical small-talk that I flirt with, there wasn't a spark. Now I know you can't create sparks, but what I do know is that I lack a sexual energy or excitement with girls, and it's probably because I'm sort of odd. (FYI, I was homeschooled, so use that for your reference.)

On the one hand, it makes me feel less self-conscious about the fact I'm overweight, since clearly I'm not that fat or ugly if I had a few pretty girls come up to me today. But, on the other hand, I'm upset that my problems seem to be something that I can recognize, but just have not been able to fix. Sexual innuendo and jokes are just so fucking hard for me to utilize.
 
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