Devolution
Member
I'm old fashioned too and think texting is awful if other options for communication are available.
Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
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I'm old fashioned too and think texting is awful if other options for communication are available.
NeOak
Member
Even voice chat is way better.
The Anti-Monitor
Banned
Don't overthink your texts. Never does any good.
Kung Fu Grip
Banned
You don't know what you're talking about. Girls are largely the blame if a guy is single for many years. Or in my case, since birth. And it's because they're shallow. If you don't measure up to what they want in looks, you're fucked.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie said:
Horrible, horrible example. They're both celebrities and rich. Same for Heidi Klum and seal. She would not be dating him if he was a regular guy.
Then how do you explain how that isn't my experience in life, nor almost anyone else's in here? If there's one thing that we all can agree on, it's that women and men find different things attractive, and that men place A LOT more weight on the looks than women do. I've been single all my life too, and there's only one reason for it, that I used to be a coward.
FO-totality
Poet Centuriate
Dude, you could a hella attractive guy but that piss-poor attitude of yours getting you nowhere fast. You've always been single, okay. How old are you, 18? 19? Chances are you are well under 30 and guess what?
People change over time. And if you don't think that girls will ever change then you will never change.
Devolution
Member
Oh girls are the only ones who are shallow? What the fuck is this sexist shit? You shouldn't even be dating dude or even in here, you should be dealing with your warped ideas and insecurities.
What? No. They aren't obligated to touch you. Also, what if someone was gay or bi? Would you blame all other men too if they stayed single for many years if that was the case?
God, I can't help but picture your avatar saying that ;p
Devolution
Member
He'd blame anyone but himself because introspection and looking in the mirror are far too difficult. It's much easier to blame women and society for what is his own personal failings. If a man is single all of his life it's because he is the common denominator and he is royally fucking up somehow, same for a woman. It is not hard to enter into a relationship, the difficulty comes in maintaining it. The fact that he keeps blaming women for everything and comes up short, the irony is lost on him probably.
I've noticed a lot of "lonely guys" blame women left and right, often get quite nasty about it (in teh real life as well). Its truly all you man.
Devolution
Member
I feel this comic is relevant to a lot of you lonely, angry dudes:
Yes.
edit: Oh he gone.
I think that the real problem with that kind of people is that they think a relationship is going to fix all their problems when is obviously not the solution, the most important thing to do is to be happy with your own life with or without a partner.
Exactly. When you're looking for the source of a problem, it's important to search for sources both internally and externally. Being able to recognize when you're wrong or at fault (not just in your success in relationships, but friends, business, career, etc.) is a valuable trait that will help you succeed faster and with greater consistency. Why? Because you identify what's wrong with your approach to something and what you might do to change that.
For KFG, the problem was his terrible attitude. Hopefully being banned will give him less time to complain and more time to address his negative/unattractive view on women and dating. All the best, KFG.
lol my girlfriend does that sometimes too. I'll ask her like 2 questions in a text and she'll only hit one. Or I'll make a comment and she just changes the subject.
I just stopped worrying about it some time ago. We have a very open relationship as far as communication goes. So I trust that if something was ever wrong in our relationship she would tell me. The last thing I need to do is stress over meaningless texts that we send each other while one of us is working just to keep in contact.
I just never understood how someone could hate the other gender that much. Shit, I technically have an actual excuse I could use to do it. He didn't really have any. But then again, I know a couple of people that think all men or all women are in some sort of super meta-club where they have meetings on how to fuck them over bi-monthly.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
It must be hard to feel inadequate up against unrealistic standards for appearance. Women wouldn't know how difficult that is, right?
Out of Working Order
Member
I am still alone at 26 - never had a girlfriend. I am damned sure it's something that's wrong with me though: my attitude, for one.
A life of sitting indoors playing videogames and not participating in everyday social situations is where I think I've gone wrong. Other men can talk to women in a natural non-forced manner, and be able to pick up on hints of interest and react to them accordingly, or even begin flirting themselves. I, on the other hand, have just not learnt the skills. Everyday life skills, at that.
That is where I've gone wrong. Fact is I've got a LOT of footwork to do and catch up on if I want any chance of changing my situation. I've got to face all the rejections and make all the mistakes I should've been through and learnt from through all my adult life. I've not grown in the way I should have, instead preferring to hide in my videogames and other solitary hobbies.
It feels weird to be in this situation at 26. Like I said, I've got a lot of work to do. And it's either 'do', or rot away in a lonely/unfulfilling existence. I enjoy my hobbies and being alone sometimes, but not experiencing common and intrinsic parts of life is not healthy. At least, I don't think so.
A life of sitting indoors playing videogames and not participating in everyday social situations is where I think I've gone wrong. Other men can talk to women in a natural non-forced manner, and be able to pick up on hints of interest and react to them accordingly, or even begin flirting themselves. I, on the other hand, have just not learnt the skills. Everyday life skills, at that.
That is where I've gone wrong. Fact is I've got a LOT of footwork to do and catch up on if I want any chance of changing my situation. I've got to face all the rejections and make all the mistakes I should've been through and learnt from through all my adult life. I've not grown in the way I should have, instead preferring to hide in my videogames and other solitary hobbies.
It feels weird to be in this situation at 26. Like I said, I've got a lot of work to do. And it's either 'do', or rot away in a lonely/unfulfilling existence. I enjoy my hobbies and being alone sometimes, but not experiencing common and intrinsic parts of life is not healthy. At least, I don't think so.
Question:
More than once I've ask out a woman and she turn me down. Then however that same woman still gets along with me until she finds a date or some boyfriend. More than once I've notice that a woman's attitude either becomes cold or agitated when I'm around.
If a woman turned me down why does she care how I feel when she is dating another man?
I've seen the situation with at least three women. Recently a co-worker.
More than once I've ask out a woman and she turn me down. Then however that same woman still gets along with me until she finds a date or some boyfriend. More than once I've notice that a woman's attitude either becomes cold or agitated when I'm around.
If a woman turned me down why does she care how I feel when she is dating another man?
I've seen the situation with at least three women. Recently a co-worker.
I feel this comic is relevant to a lot of you lonely, angry dudes:
I actually realized that I need to fix my social skills which would help end insecurity. However I've never done either worship or defame a girl.
I agree but I've also heard that a nice guy often blames himself for a lot of issues. One must accept himself and realize he is not perfect and the woman who turned you down wasn't perfect either. Sometimes the problem could be timing or one's personalities don't match up.
My therapist gave me a story of when he really liked a woman who didn't give him a shot. He didn't realize the woman didn't want him until his friend told him "You get it, she doesn't". He was devastated but three months later met his wife. Point is not all failures are anybody's fault. Some couples aren't a match in heaven.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
Less experienced people tend to take rejection as a rejection of their whole being while people with more experience and confidence understand that it can be any combination of things. It's never a good idea to balance all of your self-worth on the affirmation you want to receive from one particular person.
Your right and my therapist has told me not to have "other people's confidence" but self confidence. I messed up recently partly because of the bar exam and its stress and partly because at 28 I wonder from time to time when I'm going to get a yes. I think going up and being constantly rejected takes its toll on an individual.
Edit: Anyway you have any idea to my bolded question above?
Your attitude is great. You understand that it's your own fault, which also means you can fix it. Don't dwell in the past, but instead start throwing yourself in situations where you got to be social. You'll mess up a few times, but don't let that discourage you. Like everything you'll learn through practice.
Out of Working Order
Member
Yes, thanks. Identifying yourself as the problem is the first step.
And I would say to Kung Fu Grip - please don't start believing in that bullshit you linked to. Guaranteed path to misery right there. Would you like to be judged by a women for the actions of other men? That website is a cesspit of negativity.
And I would say to Kung Fu Grip - please don't start believing in that bullshit you linked to. Guaranteed path to misery right there. Would you like to be judged by a women for the actions of other men? That website is a cesspit of negativity.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
Kung Fu Grip
In case you're reading this.
Keep out of this thread, reading about the success of others will only hurt your self-confidence.
Ignore women, just masturbate and watch porn if you have lustful feelings, for now and focus on enjoying and improving yourself.
Get a degree, get a good job, join local clubs/activities - and just try to make friends and meet new people.
You can go to clubs, or use dating sites, or use pick-up lines on gals in the library - but the best way to get into a relationship is to expand your friend circle, and get out there (not in the sense that you hit every club and hit on every girl, but in a social/causal setting) so that you will meet new peeps.
Even if you meet new gals, don't think about how to proceed to "date" with them, just be honest with yourself and them, maybe get together - and the "dating" part will come naturally like it was never a problem.
See above advice.
In case you're reading this.
Keep out of this thread, reading about the success of others will only hurt your self-confidence.
Ignore women, just masturbate and watch porn if you have lustful feelings, for now and focus on enjoying and improving yourself.
Get a degree, get a good job, join local clubs/activities - and just try to make friends and meet new people.
You can go to clubs, or use dating sites, or use pick-up lines on gals in the library - but the best way to get into a relationship is to expand your friend circle, and get out there (not in the sense that you hit every club and hit on every girl, but in a social/causal setting) so that you will meet new peeps.
Even if you meet new gals, don't think about how to proceed to "date" with them, just be honest with yourself and them, maybe get together - and the "dating" part will come naturally like it was never a problem.
See above advice.
Are there any things that you always wanted to do but never had the guts to actually start or simply never got around to?
Out of Working Order
Member
Yes. I've always wanted to join a hiking club of some sort in an effort to meet people. For years I've been putting it off, but wish I'd just took the chance and went for it years ago, because the older you get, the harder it becomes to act or change your routine.
Devolution
Member
What do you mean by care how you feel? They still might like you but have no interest in dating you.
It's not hard at all actually. Just look up what clubs are in the area, call them and ask if you can join. You might feel nervous as it's outside your comfort zone, but just remember that there's nothing strange about what you're doing.
BackwardsSuggestions
Member
Moved to a new City! New start.
Woman messaged me on Okcupid and I replied, but no reply after. She was cute and all. But I refuse to send more than one message in a row.
Woman messaged me on Okcupid and I replied, but no reply after. She was cute and all. But I refuse to send more than one message in a row.
Etrian Oddity
Member
This.
You really only improve by putting yourself in those situations...sucks, but practice makes perfect.
I'm getting better at cold approaches. My ice-breakers go pretty well, and even my really experienced friends say they think it's my late game rather than my early game that ruins things for me.
It just sucks because I was homeschooled and a very late bloomer. Things guys learned to navigate at 14 are what I'm learning at 23...there's just nothing to be done other than force myself to learn the ropes and figure things out the hard way (eg trial and error).
I need to be quicker on my feet, though. Often I'll open up a window for myself even with sexy girls, but it closes because my inexperience rears its head. Just today at the pool I said fuck it and approached a total hottie and made small talk, and she asked what I was doing tonight. In true virgin fashion I was taken aback and fumbled my chance away, but don't think I won't force myself to bullshit a response next time a girl asks.
Improvement is a tough road to travel...but the trip is worth it, and you may just get some hilarious stories along the way.
...or he/she has an severe incurable chronic disease, which is not their fuck up. One could say their fault though. Still in such situation, I would say women have it a bit easier.
Out of Working Order
Member
The risk-taking sounds fun, actually!
I've been told I have 'no game'. So I guess I've got to start from scratch like you did.
I most likely will do, yes. It'd be easier with a friend to go with, but I will have to go alone. Maybe there will be somebody else that's new to the group and on their own. Even if there's not, I hope I'd find friends there.
I'll see how it goes. It might not be next month or the month after, but hopefully I can give it a shot before the year is out.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
This can work in your favor if you play it off as charming and self-deprecating (but only to an extent) rather than desperate or weird.
Out of Working Order
Member
Yeah, I don't want to sound too down on myself, I guess. Or down at all really.
Why wait? Big chance that you'll have an excuse every time you should call them and end up not doing it at all. Unless you've got a really good reason just call them first chance you get,
Alright need some advice guys.
I've been dating a girl for the past 3 weeks, and we just set up a date to see each other tomorrow. Immediately after setting up the date she texts me that she's not really ready for a relationship, but still likes being with me. We've already done enough together where I should have passed by the "friend zone" stage.
Is there anything I can do tomorrow to get her to reconsider? I'm fairly sure that she likes me more than a friend and I really like her. Should I just take it real slow after tomorrow and see if she reconsiders in a few weeks? I'm not really in the state right now where I want to immediately date other people as I'm sure she'll come up in my mind with whoever else I date.
I've been dating a girl for the past 3 weeks, and we just set up a date to see each other tomorrow. Immediately after setting up the date she texts me that she's not really ready for a relationship, but still likes being with me. We've already done enough together where I should have passed by the "friend zone" stage.
Is there anything I can do tomorrow to get her to reconsider? I'm fairly sure that she likes me more than a friend and I really like her. Should I just take it real slow after tomorrow and see if she reconsiders in a few weeks? I'm not really in the state right now where I want to immediately date other people as I'm sure she'll come up in my mind with whoever else I date.
I don't think I hate girls/women but I find it hard to disagree with the notion that they can be a lot more fickle and hard to read. That might be one of the things that make them so appealing to me although that might just be because I always go for the one's that are way more trouble then they need to be. Just yesterday my best bud told me the girl he's been seeing for a while now suddenly had a change of heart. She had been suggesting taking things to the next level and finally making things more official and serious but when she came back from a two week vacation she had apparently cheated and decided to break things off because her feelings were gone. His girl and situation are pretty similar to mine so I'm kinda scared the same things going to happen in my case.
This situation could obviously also occur with the roles reversed but from personal experience it seems like these situations mostly occur with the female either having an actual sudden change of heart or just not being very transparent with her feelings.
He's blaming it on his looks and the lack of physical attraction that she supposedly has with him. Character goes a long way and I feel I'm pretty good in this department but there has to be physical attraction too for a relationship or even just a fling to work. I really do believe being a funny guy and feeling confident goes a long way but for 18 year old girls who can have pretty much any dude they want that isn't really that important yet. It will be when they get older but just not yet for most attractive one's in my experience. Especially in a club-like environment in which talking and joking around is pretty much impossible. I'm not sure if this helps credit my experiences more but I recently and have before managed to make-out with with pretty attractive (and not just drunk) girls in clubs. I realize that might seem contradictory but that's because I'm fairly happy about my looks and my ability to talk to girls, unlike some others in this thread. I'm starting to ramble here but what I want to say to those inexperienced or insecure about their looks: don't go to a club. It's probably not an environment in which you'll feel very comfortable in or be very succesful in, if you do more power to ya but I feel meeting girls through other social events that don't restrict talking as much is a way better option.
And to quickly jump back to physical attraction and my own little problem,
If a girl still wants you physically it can compensate for so much trouble and defuse so many situations, it also does affect the power balance in a relationship or atleast I feel like it does in my situation right now.
Having the power to get any dude in a club like some of them can is understandably a power that might be hard to let go off. I hope I don't have a twisted world view on this but I feel like I'm wasting my time chasing my 18 year old gal who is definitely not ready to commit yet and with the physical attraction seemingly fading I feel like things probably won't work out. This one's just pretty much my first love and since I've reconnected with her 3 years later I still have strong feelings for her so I have to see it through.
Are you having sex or progressing to it? If so, I'd just take it slow and enjoy it unless you think you have a good shot at another girl you'd consider dating.
This situation could obviously also occur with the roles reversed but from personal experience it seems like these situations mostly occur with the female either having an actual sudden change of heart or just not being very transparent with her feelings.
He's blaming it on his looks and the lack of physical attraction that she supposedly has with him. Character goes a long way and I feel I'm pretty good in this department but there has to be physical attraction too for a relationship or even just a fling to work. I really do believe being a funny guy and feeling confident goes a long way but for 18 year old girls who can have pretty much any dude they want that isn't really that important yet. It will be when they get older but just not yet for most attractive one's in my experience. Especially in a club-like environment in which talking and joking around is pretty much impossible. I'm not sure if this helps credit my experiences more but I recently and have before managed to make-out with with pretty attractive (and not just drunk) girls in clubs. I realize that might seem contradictory but that's because I'm fairly happy about my looks and my ability to talk to girls, unlike some others in this thread. I'm starting to ramble here but what I want to say to those inexperienced or insecure about their looks: don't go to a club. It's probably not an environment in which you'll feel very comfortable in or be very succesful in, if you do more power to ya but I feel meeting girls through other social events that don't restrict talking as much is a way better option.
And to quickly jump back to physical attraction and my own little problem,
If a girl still wants you physically it can compensate for so much trouble and defuse so many situations, it also does affect the power balance in a relationship or atleast I feel like it does in my situation right now.
Having the power to get any dude in a club like some of them can is understandably a power that might be hard to let go off. I hope I don't have a twisted world view on this but I feel like I'm wasting my time chasing my 18 year old gal who is definitely not ready to commit yet and with the physical attraction seemingly fading I feel like things probably won't work out. This one's just pretty much my first love and since I've reconnected with her 3 years later I still have strong feelings for her so I have to see it through.
Are you having sex or progressing to it? If so, I'd just take it slow and enjoy it unless you think you have a good shot at another girl you'd consider dating.
Sub_Level
wants to fuck an Asian grill.
Does anyone here ever get anxiety about whether or not they should go out on the weekends?
On one hand, if I stay in I can drink some beer, smoke some cigarettes, watch some Batman, and generally enjoy myself but I might regret not having gone out tomorrow. On the other hand, if I go out I can live a little (meet some girls maybe) and have a little beer and cigs too, but I have to spend time and gas getting to the party or bar and coming from there as well.
For some added context, I have a good tank of gas, none of my close friends can go out tonight, and I don't yet have a consistent paying job (gonna go hunting in the next couple weeks) so spending money is a little short.
What's the better deal, the saved disposable income and guaranteed comfort, or the opportunity to live some life and not have regret? I'm leaning more with the former, at least until I get a part-time job hopefully in the next couple weeks.
On one hand, if I stay in I can drink some beer, smoke some cigarettes, watch some Batman, and generally enjoy myself but I might regret not having gone out tomorrow. On the other hand, if I go out I can live a little (meet some girls maybe) and have a little beer and cigs too, but I have to spend time and gas getting to the party or bar and coming from there as well.
For some added context, I have a good tank of gas, none of my close friends can go out tonight, and I don't yet have a consistent paying job (gonna go hunting in the next couple weeks) so spending money is a little short.
What's the better deal, the saved disposable income and guaranteed comfort, or the opportunity to live some life and not have regret? I'm leaning more with the former, at least until I get a part-time job hopefully in the next couple weeks.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
Movie night!
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
This is really horseshit. I know a beautiful girl whose long-term dating history is mostly full of fat, generally unattractive dudes. It's all about charm, confidence, and value, not whether you have the nicest face to look at or something.
However you could make the argument that being attractive gives you more confidence and a head-start on building your value, but in the end everyone is equal.
I had a period when I was working too and it always felt like a lose-lose situation with a small possibility of winning (although lose-lose might make it seems a little too negative). For me going out is usually ok fun but it costs money and I don't like being hungover in the morning but sometimes you have those nights where you might have really fun contact with a girl or you just have a really good time with your friends. You go out so that you don't miss those nights that your friends'll tell you all about the day after and you'll spend the entire night wondering if they're out there having a good time. But usually it turns out to just be a steady decent night and I used to feel like I might've just preferred staying home.
Right now it's vacation for me so I'll feel guilty if I stay at home during the nights that my friends ask me to go out with them.
May I ask how old she is? Would you say she's the rule or the exception? I just feel like she'd be an exception and a better and less shallow person than some other girls.
Out of Working Order
Member
I have no good reason to wait, no! It has been excuses all the way up 'till now.
Thanks again.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
30 now, but we're talking about her dating past going back to around 20 or so.
Monogamy is rough in your younger years. I would say your problems with wandering women have less to do with appearance and more to do with curiosity in youth.
I feel like it could be said a billion times in this thread and it still wouldn't matter: your looks are not that important. Go to that "show off your gf/wife" thread. There are some pretty standard/ugly dudes in there with ridiculously attractive ladies.
That's pretty much what I wanted to touch on in my post although it was a clusterfuck so that might not have been entirely clear. I believe things like confidence and humor matter even at my age although I believe physical appearance is also important at this age because a girl wants the dude to be accepted by her friends especially if she would even want to think about a relationship and monogamy is a pretty tough sell for most girls at that age.
I feel this comic is relevant to a lot of you lonely, angry dudes:
written by a woman iirc, doesn't count.
Here's an example of a guy getting a woman way out of his league:
Dude looks like he got beat with a lead pipe and he still got a hot girlfriend. You can do it too.
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