SpectreFire
Member
I have a date with a girl that I saw in my dreams on Friday.
Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
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Just your experience. Had it on 3rd date and 4th date - it depends on what you consider a date.
Hey guys, what's the protocol on posting links of tips in here? I have one that I think might help those with kissing anxiety. I can't put it any better than this guy, so I won't really try to. I know a lot of those sites are associated with "pickup" and I'm assuming from the last pickup thread attempt that it's not going to end well, so I'm gonna ask for permission here before I get any flack.
Asked her what's up how's it going. Nothing, nada...
Shoulda listened to you bro.
Wow rejection sucks even more when they won't even talk to you.
Life is decent, and stressed/busy, doesn't really take away the sting, I'm not an automaton without feelings.
lol that's Anderson Silva, he probably got her due to being a celebrity.
It works, and so do a lot of things, not just 90/10. I personally go to the other extreme and make the girl do everything, so I make her come 100%, but I may be able to pull it off just based on my personality.
Just try this if you have trouble kissing girls. Next time you're on a date and you're having some chemistry, you feel a good vibe going, and it gets a little quiet, just bust out with "So why haven't you tried to kiss me?" It's a good way to gauge where you're at. If she laughs and says she doesn't like kissing on the first date, then don't even try. Doesn't mean you failed, but she might just not be feeling a kiss YET, who cares. If she laughs and says that the man is supposed to make the first move, you're golden. Either way, she'll laugh and now you're talking about kissing.
From there you can tell her that as far as you know, women are supposed to make that first move. She'll look at you like you're crazy, but just keep it going. Tell her you're "old-fashioned", and the way you were raised, women always did the kissing, and then close your eyes as if you're expecting a kiss.
There are so many variations to this routine but it seems to always work for me one way or another, but at the same time, I don't always get a kiss on the first date, nor do I try or care. It's just not a goal. I'm thinking of landing consistent sex for years, not a silly kiss on a first date.
Stop being a pussy. If she's into you she'll kiss you. If it's too early for her (tiny chance), she'll probably just see it as a compliment.
If she does laugh at you and never call again she wasn't into you to begin with, so nothing lost.
Omegasquash
Member
If there's no kiss on the second date, then a third date probably shouldn't happen.
I'm going on a date this Sunday. She loves animals and all that so I asked her to the aquarium(also because the weather is total shit here at the moment, can't make it outside). It's right in the city so if we stay late we could go out drinking or have dinner later.
She's such a massive tease though. Every text is so sexually charged but she made it clear that she doesn't want the first date to go that far, probably not the second either. She likes leading up to that, not starting with it. x_x
She's such a massive tease though. Every text is so sexually charged but she made it clear that she doesn't want the first date to go that far, probably not the second either. She likes leading up to that, not starting with it. x_x
Omegasquash
Member
Let her take control, and GOOD CALL ON THE AQUARIUM. I've never hit anything but a triple or above by taking a gal to an aquarium.
What do you mean let her take control? When we have sex? I won't push it(though I will go in for a kiss) with that but I want to stay on control of the rest of the date.
Whether or not one feels positive or negative and how those effect someone are completely independent, some people take negative experiences and double up, it makes them work harder so they succeed next time, some people take the positive and become complacent and just think this is it, I've made it, prevents them from going forward - ie success breeds failure.
I'm just pointing out that being negative about a negative experience is natural, whether or not you have an extraordinary life to fall back on isn't the point either. You can have everything in the world and still care enough about someone that that person can hurt you, people are people man, have to roll with the punches, sometimes they really hurt right.
white dynamite
Member
After messaging a girl for a few days on facebook, I finally got her number! I'm generally not bad at texting, I like to be playful when I do it, but I really really like her and I'm paranoid about blowing it. She makes me feel like I'm 15 again.
Any tips on what to say on the first text?
Any tips on what to say on the first text?
Well, I wouldn't text right away.
But when you do a simple. Hey, this is ____. What are you up to? She will text back and yall will go from there. simple as that.
electricshake
Member
Ask her out for a drink or coffee.
Kissing: If a guy hasn't made a move on me by the end of the first date, I'll usually just initiate (unless it's obvious that he's not up for it, but I don't think that's ever happened). I've had to make the first move the last three guys I've been involved with. I think it's an important part of deciding whether you want to see someone again, and has definitely influenced my decision on having a second date.
Omegasquash
Member
Poor wording on my part. Let her talk, let her show her cards on the sex thing. Keep the ball in your court for the date, as I assume you're there to show her a good time. I'm definitely not suggesting that you let her guide you.
If she's just trying to play up how she is in the sack or get dirty flirty with you and you're cool with that, then you're cool with it. But the more you let her express herself the more you'll see of her and from that be able to make a better decision.
You: "Hey, it's *name*, this is a VIP # so don't lose it.
"Her: "lol hey" ect
You: "We should hang out sometime. I was thinking *event* at a good place I know *name of place*"
Oh okay, gotcha. Though she might be much shyer on an actual date than over text.
white dynamite
Member
Yeah, I'll probably go with this. I don't know why I'm over thinking this so much.
She lives about an hour and a half away. I'm busy for the remainder of this week so I'm hoping to hold her interest until next week, when I can hopefully free up some time and see her face to face.
Omegasquash
Member
Which is OK...some people are comfier on the other side of that digital wall/barrier thing. If she's shy, cool. Respect her, show her a good time and you'll both have fun...but don't be shy about your needs/desires. They're legit too. Have a good time on that date!
Deadly Cyclone
Pride of Iowa State
Ahhhhh damn dating Age. Nothing seems to be cropping up around my area.
Between work and the few friends I do hang out with I don't ever really get anywhere where women are looking to chat, or are looking open to someone coming up to them.
We hit the bars once in a while, but bars here are more sit down with a group of friends and have a drink, and not the nightclubs, everyone on everyone, bars (that make it much easier to relax and meet people).
Just not sure what to do. I could go chill at a coffee place on the weekend from time to time, but this never really leads anywhere. Going up to someone at Target, or a random place just feels wrong unless I've chatted with them a bit.
I certainly don't have issue chatting up a girl anymore. It's more just finding one to chat up, or one that even is the slightest bit interested in me to ask out.
What to do.
Between work and the few friends I do hang out with I don't ever really get anywhere where women are looking to chat, or are looking open to someone coming up to them.
We hit the bars once in a while, but bars here are more sit down with a group of friends and have a drink, and not the nightclubs, everyone on everyone, bars (that make it much easier to relax and meet people).
Just not sure what to do. I could go chill at a coffee place on the weekend from time to time, but this never really leads anywhere. Going up to someone at Target, or a random place just feels wrong unless I've chatted with them a bit.
I certainly don't have issue chatting up a girl anymore. It's more just finding one to chat up, or one that even is the slightest bit interested in me to ask out.
What to do.
Why can't you talk to girls at bars like that? I actually prefer bars where you can sit and chat instead of having loud music blaring the whole time. Grab a friend or two and look for a table with just ladies and then ask if y'all can sit down. My friend and I did that last night, they ended up being lesbians haha but we talked to girls we didn't know otherwise.
Yeah, I know. Sometimes I revert back to my shy self. I'm not that person anymore and hate when I do it, I'll just have to push past it and if I'm cool and relaxed hopefully she'll be the same because of it.
Deadly Cyclone
Pride of Iowa State
Oh, it's not the type of bar that gets me, it's that most of the time I have no wingman or anything, and the women are usually at a table with a group of guys. For reference, the main friends that will go out with me to the bars now-days are a girl that I've known since college and one of her guy friends (cool dude). If I'm down with my high school buddies they know the concept of wingman, or have the same goal as me, so it's much easier.
When it's not a club scene it feels odd to wander up to a table of some women and a bunch of dudes and try to start a conversation. If it's just a few girls at the table I don't have as much of an issue.
I generally am able to start a chat at the bar too when ordering a drink if another girl is up there. It just never really goes anywhere.
Overall, I'm basically on my own here in town as far as getting a woman goes. It's not easy either.
Omegasquash
Member
Think about it from your perspective and your perspective alone, while keeping it professional and (f you're able) charming. Try this...when you're at the aquarium, say something like "Hey, let's go check this (whatever you want to see) out...I've been meaning to see this exhibit."
That's you being assertive, having a good time, thinking of yourself and including her in your good time. If you're feeling like you want her to see something cool, then do the old "You have to come check out this exhibit with the (sea turtles or penguins or some shit)." She'll have a good time and you've just built a teeny bit of cred...you wanted to and succeeded in showing her something cool.
Worst that could happen? She doesn't like the exhibit. Which would be surprising.
This is very true. I was having more success than ever in the online dating sphere over the summer. But it never went anywhere, mostly because I was out of town and meeting up was not possible. Not sure what happened but contact died out with all four girls just days before getting back home, but it's not bothering me. You'd lose your mind so fast if you started to over analyze what went wrong and feel down because of it.
rubbishmonkey
Member
Yeahh! I have a date at the weekend, pray for me its been a while...
TheSchwab_7
Member
How do you guys get over jealously and trust issues in a relationship? My girlfriend tells me she loves me and all that, but there's always that little thought in the back of my head that she's talking to someone else or something.
Not necessarily. Remember communication theory. the medium is the message. The message you're trying to send isn't as important as the way you send it. In this case, the way you deliver that kiss, is much more important than where you land it.
You can kiss a person on the cheek in a way that's a lot more seductive than kissing them on the lips.
No I'm an adult who wants a relationship and intimacy of some fashion.
Ironically on another forum I posted that I didn't want sex on the first date, and everyone called me a prude and a loser. One girl piped up saying they'd feel disappointed if they didn't fuck on the first date.
Yup, this. Moving on!
I'd be disappointed. It doesn't even have to be making out, just a kiss is okay.
Has she ever given you reason not to trust her? My ex-girlfriend cheated on me with her old ex and was talking to him behind my back so that lead to some serious issues for me. If she has given you no reason not to trust her then you should just try and relax and maybe bring it up to her if she is open to talking about those kind of things.
TheSchwab_7
Member
Not really. She's really private while I tell her everything. It's also long distance so it's a little harder since I only see her once a week. She also works ALL THE TIME so we only talk for a few hours a day.
GAF, how do I talk to girls in class? I'm 21 years old and in my fourth year on campus and I've only had one (brief) relationship during that time and I feel like this should not be happening at my age. For example, the girl I'm most interested in in one of my classes sat down right next to me today and I didn't say a single effin' word.
Of course, I'm self-conscious because I'm not the greatest physical specimen around. I'm 5'8" and weigh 120 pounds and look like I'm about 15 or 16. I can't compete with most guys from a physical perspective, and I don't make up for it with personality. I'm also self-conscious because I live at home to save money and I feel like not having a dorm or apartment to take a girl back to is a major negative.
The only way I can talk to girls at all is to get drunk off my ass. Since I live at home, I don't have a lot of the social opportunities most students do and therefore the best time for me to talk to people is in class. But I don't know what to talk about -- asking a girl about her major or what classes she's taking will only go so far, and in my experience that's not far at all.
I think I suffer from give-too-much-of-a-shit syndrome. Help me.
Of course, I'm self-conscious because I'm not the greatest physical specimen around. I'm 5'8" and weigh 120 pounds and look like I'm about 15 or 16. I can't compete with most guys from a physical perspective, and I don't make up for it with personality. I'm also self-conscious because I live at home to save money and I feel like not having a dorm or apartment to take a girl back to is a major negative.
The only way I can talk to girls at all is to get drunk off my ass. Since I live at home, I don't have a lot of the social opportunities most students do and therefore the best time for me to talk to people is in class. But I don't know what to talk about -- asking a girl about her major or what classes she's taking will only go so far, and in my experience that's not far at all.
I think I suffer from give-too-much-of-a-shit syndrome. Help me.
Atramental
Banned
1) Stop focusing on yourself and your "flaws". That's not helping.
2) Girls are people.
3) People love to talk about themselves.
4) Have a "giving" mindset, not a "getting" mindset.
Now with those four things in mind say in a confident yet casual manner : "Hey, how are you today? My name is Pre."
And let the conversation evolve naturally from there.
Vermillion
Banned
Heyyyy, welcome back!
Atramental
Banned
Thanks, Joker.
It's good to be back.
It's good to be back.
Arjen
Member
Dude, you're in the most perfect situation here, she's in the same class so you have something in common already, she sits down next to you so you don't even have to move.
Take advantage of this, you won't get this great set-ups in life after you finished college.
Stop thinking what you think is wrong with you, you don't even know this girl, maybe she totally digs your style/ looks. Just start a conversation like you would with anybody else, what she thinks of this class, ask if she had a good weekend etc.
Castor Krieg
Banned
How about you tell yourself this instead of that other negative story that only feed you more of the same garbage and keep your life a mess? If you can imagine the life above and tell yourself this *IS* your reality, it will become true faster than you think is possible. Everything starts with you and your inner game. If you don't like yourself, don't expect anyone else to do either. Fixing yourself is always the most important thing and it's much easier than most believe. In fact, the only thing that holds people back are themselves.
Chill the fuck out. That's my advice. I can just feel the over-thinking and insecurity radiating off this post. No one is perfect. The girl isn't perfect. Her shit stinks just as much as yours. Stop worrying about things because when you do it's like a spot light on this issues. If you act cool and laugh it off or something, then she might not even notice or think about it.
There are tons of guys who are physically average and live at home and still get women.
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