Anyone can do this. I got approached last night by a blonde girl with a twin sister and had she not been drunk as hell the same thing likely would've happened. It is not the hardest challenge in the world, you make it hard!
Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
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People approach you? tell me more...
Doctor West
Member
Hopefully this is the right place for this....
Last night was the first time I slept with my girlfriend who I am crazy about. Unfortunately, the sex was terrible; nobody was able to finish. Everything has been going amazing up until this point and we have so much in common. Now my head is completely fucked up and I can't sleep. I feel horrible and am starting to re-evaluate the relationship. My deepest fear is that we are better friends than lovers and that is why the sex was beyond awful. I tried talking to her about it, but she starting to get really stressed out. She claims she has strong romantic feelings for me, but ever since the failed sex we barely touched each other. She says I'm over thinking it, but it's kind of hard to ignore. On top of everything, she initiated the sex so it's wasn't like I pushed her into it before she was ready.
Basically, has anybody been able to have a great relationship that started with awful sex?
Last night was the first time I slept with my girlfriend who I am crazy about. Unfortunately, the sex was terrible; nobody was able to finish. Everything has been going amazing up until this point and we have so much in common. Now my head is completely fucked up and I can't sleep. I feel horrible and am starting to re-evaluate the relationship. My deepest fear is that we are better friends than lovers and that is why the sex was beyond awful. I tried talking to her about it, but she starting to get really stressed out. She claims she has strong romantic feelings for me, but ever since the failed sex we barely touched each other. She says I'm over thinking it, but it's kind of hard to ignore. On top of everything, she initiated the sex so it's wasn't like I pushed her into it before she was ready.
Basically, has anybody been able to have a great relationship that started with awful sex?
Moneyhats2k5
Member
Uhoh. Maybe worth trying again.
Doctor West
Member
I'm not considering cutting her loose at all. I'm just trying to make sense of it.
PumpkinPie
Banned
You can't take anything from the first time. My ex couldn't even get me off by jerking me off, she was too rough. I was the same, I just assumed you stuck your dick in whatever hole you found first and did your best 'mixing bowl' impression. You have to actually communicate, if she's doing something wrong then tell her, and ask her to do the same for you.
I agree with everyone else, the first time isn't a good benchmark. I remember my ex jumped out the window, literally jumped out the window in the middle of our first time having sex I don't think it could go worse than that.
Doctor West
Member
Ok, so maybe she's right and I am over thinking it. I've just never had sex that was that bad before. We were communicating the whole time and it still wasn't working. This is the first girl that I really, really like and I don't want to mess it up.
I better not, it's such a crazy notion that it can't be true
PumpkinPie
Banned
Only if she's materialistic. You can plenty of good shit for $80, even much less than that.
I better not, it's such a crazy notion that it can't be true
That's what I figured, just another one of those crazy tall tails people tell about themselves on the internet to sound cool.
Youre mad because your friend is trying to show you that what you do is wrong. Learn from his behavior
Moneyhats2k5
Member
Flowers & a nice Dinner
There's a lot to your passive behaviour that actually gives off an impression. Look at what your friend was doing. He went out, to have a good time, nothing forced about it and most likely when he turned at the girl he naturally smiled. And he was lucky that she was interested, but that's a 50:50 chance anyway. Trust me, I learned this the hard way. I used to go out, looking to get girl and all and it usually wasn't working out. Then last year I said fuck, let's just go out to have a good time and suddenly that very night a girl asks me to sit next to her and we spent an hour just talking and I get her number and we kiss etc. So go out, have a great time and when you catch a girl's eye smile at her and bring up your glass to say cheers if you're really confident. Now of course this won't be work a 100% of the time, but hey you lose some you win some. Just don't get shaken up by any early rejection.
More of a general point here, but was has someone here also had problems with one-night stands? I mean I honestly am having problems with getting all the blood to circulate 'down there' when on fling with a girl that I pick up that night. I'm guessing that it's cause of the lack of any emotional connection but I'm not sure. I've also read somewhere that porn pretty much fucks you up for these things, so I've tried to stay off that as well. Anyone had a similar problem?
Not really related to 'dating', but on Friday I decided to finally ask someone out to our formal/prom. Turns out, she made a promise to go with one of her girlfriends because they didn't think a guy would ask either of them out (I was very late - probably the last day I could realistically get a date). First time I've had the guts to even attempt to do anything like this, so as you can imagine it felt pretty bad, but I got over it quickly. The majority of guys didn't even try to get dates, as one of my friends was quick to point out.
Coincidentally on the following evening I watched the Scrubs episode where J.D. is berated for his 'wait and see' approach to medicine.
Coincidentally on the following evening I watched the Scrubs episode where J.D. is berated for his 'wait and see' approach to medicine.
I get approached, especially on the dance floor, with or without my friends all the time. Not a lot of them actually say anything or are very forward but that's only because I keep telling myself that story. I see tons of girls every night out who put themselves in our vicinity in hopes of us trying to chase them or dance with them, but very few have the courage to take a step forward and say hi. That's the current reality and it's slowly but steadily changing. I don't have some sort of magical power, this could be anyone's reality but most think it's bullshit and impossible.
Vermillion
Banned
My friend and I were roughly equal. You don't seem to understand - he won't even talk to girls to ask a question - I initiate that.
And when this happened, we were talking to each other. Seriously, he just had to exist. He did nothing differently that you guys are trying to read into.
He obviously had a great vibe that this particular girl was very attracted to. Big deal, get one yourself. Or she was a slut who wanted some action from a random guy. A friend of mine got a make out session this thursday on the dance floor in front of two of us and her three girlfriends and she apparently had a boyfriend so she just wanted to fool around for a while. It happens all the time.
Vermillion
Banned
Not to me, and nothing to do with a vibe, trust me.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
Sounds like you've got the brains and he's got the looks.
I don't know if anyone remembers my story but I'm back in school and it seems like things are pretty much the same as ever, very hard to meet anyone new. I talk to a good amount of people but it's all just small talk. Feels like I'm doing something wrong but what.
Etrian Oddity
Member
Be a dick. I absolutely loathe the thought, but it seems to be true. Like I posted in another thread, anything short of treating a girl like shit seems like a lost cause nowadays.
Be as crass, upfront about getting into her pants, and as pushy as you can. That seems to be what is rewarded in the dating world nowadays.
Vermillion
Banned
No, he's pretty smart, too. Oh, well - no one said they were going to approach us... We have to do something if we want something, unfair be it as it may.
EDIT: He doesn't do that, Etrian.
As I've said in my reply to you, it's the 'I don't really care for getting girls' mentality as opposed to your 'let's go out to get girls' mentality that wins it for him. Also you should have talked to the girl's friend (presuming there was one), it's the easiest ice breaker ever.
Point me to your post so I can see what the problem is and I'll try to help
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
Be a dick. I absolutely loathe the thought, but it seems to be true. Like I posted in another thread, anything short of treating a girl like shit seems like a lost cause nowadays.
Be as crass, upfront about getting into her pants, and as pushy as you can. That seems to be what is rewarded in the dating world nowadays.
Was talking more about people in general but I think guys like assholes also?
Point me to your post so I can see what the problem is and I'll try to help
Was more like a long series of posts over time but what do you need to know?
So damn true. I have that attitude already where I don't pay any of the girls I find attractive any attention. I make them work for my attention. It's hilarious watching these segments work out. You can either catch them purposely walking in front of you, bumping into you, talking loud, etc. But truth be told. Being a dick does get here attention. Being the nice guy puts you on the back burner i.e. friend zoned or soft.Be a dick. I absolutely loathe the thought, but it seems to be true. Like I posted in another thread, anything short of treating a girl like shit seems like a lost cause nowadays.
Be as crass, upfront about getting into her pants, and as pushy as you can. That seems to be what is rewarded in the dating world nowadays.
Vermillion
Banned
Not... quite... out of respect for him I won't elaborate, but there's a certain point where...
And had I been there the whole time, he'd have had me occupy her heavier friend, sooo...
Just kinda what sort of a problem are you having? Is it just connecting with people? Because if so, then either the people aren't you just aren't the right fit for you or you're not trying hard enough really. I mean small talk starts a good conversation but you gotta follow up. Have something interesting to saw. I mean at this stage you must have stories that you can tell, stories that are funny etc. That usually works for connecting with people.
See therein lies your problem. You went out to look for a nice girl only and ignore everyone else. The heavier friend situation is great. Talk to her! You'll learn how to talk to girls more easily, how to act around them etc. You can even pull the classic 'i'll find you a guy and you'll find me a guy' stunt after a while and suddenly you'd be talking to a nice girl. Don't dismiss, particularly at the start, any girl you can talk to during a night out. It's all about experience and what do you know, you might get a nice friend out of it.
I find it's really go in, don't look like you're there only to look for a girl but when one catches your eye, do some bravado to approach her and then swing back to being just a genuinly nice person to talk to.
Vermillion
Banned
So, you understand that he does the same thing, right? So this can't be the divide. And by the way, I do talk to girls I don't know, for a variety of reasons including boredom. He does NOT do this. He does not care to. And he wouldn't even want to be friends unless he'd fuck them. So.
I don't know your friend of course but it's usually your vibe that makes or breaks you. It will happen to you when it stops being important. When you start wanting something, the creepy and needy vibe comes sneaking up on you very fast.
AnathemicOne
Banned
I'm still chasing after a bi-curious lesbian, but now I'm at the point where I'm thinking of moving on (which I should've done months ago imo).
Its been a year since we met, a year I've spent trying to get with her. She got with another girl, broke up, I became her best friend, yadayada.
So two weeks ago, the second week into the new college semester, I admitted/confessed to her that I liked her since we first met but didn't ask her out right then and there to my stupidity. She replied that she didn't want "to break a close friend's heart" due to her past which back in middle school another guy (who was and is still one of her best friends) attempted to ask her out who got rejected and led into him going into depression, falling grades, etc. Anyways this would be a red signal that I'm in the friendzone right? I would think so too, but right after she admitted to me that she "would dislike it if I were to go out with somebody else."
So I'm confused, but I want a solid answer so I ask back if she was attracted to me and she states for me not to ask such weird questions, and I didn't want to pressure her so I left it at that. So time passed and in our group of friends casually talking we were discussing sexualities and she states that she has never been romanticaly attracted to a guy in her life with me in the room. Huh, okay then...
Couple of days later (actually the beginning of this week) she comes to me and informs me of girls in her class who she thought attractive and would attempt to hit on. ...well that's nice to know...
Its like she completely forgot our conversation. But she's also known to be naive (very naive) when it comes to relationships and her general naiveness (how to you spell it?) is one of the factors that make me attracted to her, but as you can see from above it also stresses me out. I care for this woman too damn much, we are in the same major so we'll be seeing each other a lot too.
So why now did I decide I should move on? Well I just became acquainted with another girl in my math class (she's a freshman) and I managed to get her number. She was easy to talk to and is cute. Next week I plan to ask her to hang out and discuss goals for college, classes, etc.
What do GAF? Should I finally move on or keep chasing after her?
Its been a year since we met, a year I've spent trying to get with her. She got with another girl, broke up, I became her best friend, yadayada.
So two weeks ago, the second week into the new college semester, I admitted/confessed to her that I liked her since we first met but didn't ask her out right then and there to my stupidity. She replied that she didn't want "to break a close friend's heart" due to her past which back in middle school another guy (who was and is still one of her best friends) attempted to ask her out who got rejected and led into him going into depression, falling grades, etc. Anyways this would be a red signal that I'm in the friendzone right? I would think so too, but right after she admitted to me that she "would dislike it if I were to go out with somebody else."
So I'm confused, but I want a solid answer so I ask back if she was attracted to me and she states for me not to ask such weird questions, and I didn't want to pressure her so I left it at that. So time passed and in our group of friends casually talking we were discussing sexualities and she states that she has never been romanticaly attracted to a guy in her life with me in the room. Huh, okay then...
Couple of days later (actually the beginning of this week) she comes to me and informs me of girls in her class who she thought attractive and would attempt to hit on. ...well that's nice to know...
Its like she completely forgot our conversation. But she's also known to be naive (very naive) when it comes to relationships and her general naiveness (how to you spell it?) is one of the factors that make me attracted to her, but as you can see from above it also stresses me out. I care for this woman too damn much, we are in the same major so we'll be seeing each other a lot too.
So why now did I decide I should move on? Well I just became acquainted with another girl in my math class (she's a freshman) and I managed to get her number. She was easy to talk to and is cute. Next week I plan to ask her to hang out and discuss goals for college, classes, etc.
What do GAF? Should I finally move on or keep chasing after her?
Ha, so the girl just liked the way he looked or was looking for an easy ride as suggested above. You win some you lose some.
This is totally true and kinda what I was trying to say.
Had the same thing happened to me (though not with a lesbian and not for a full year) but yeah you should move on. If you really want for some closure, ask her out for coffee or dinner and tell her you like her again and ask if she feels the same way. There's your closure right there, you can move on. I mean it seems at this stage you're anticipating a rejection anyway so you can only be positively surprised. I wouldn't hang around too much though, you'd just be wasting your time.
Vermillion
Banned
Liked the way he looked sounds about right.
I'd lose in a creepy/needy contest. (Oh, he's not creepy/needy, to clarify)
At any rate, I was just tipsy and venting. Moving on~
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
Usually when I'm in the moment and talking to someone I just go with it rather than think about what I should be doing or saying. I suppose I don't fit into the mold of some of the people I meet so they don't have an interest in getting to know me better. I'm just a guy they talk to sometimes.
Haha coolio, all I can say is get out there and have fun. If a girl crosses your way smile at her and see what happens. I wouldn't consider myself anything above a 7 but I was able to get girls simply by standing at a bar, talking to a friend and smiling at a girl that passed by. It's all about the vibe, I'd say.
Well you're certainly doing the right thing for not trying to think what to say next. Try to get their facebook/number etc to hang out and you'll see if you fit or not. I know back when I was a teenager I was all like 'fuck this, I don't fit in with anyone anyway' which certainly didn't help me actually making friends
AnathemicOne
Banned
AnathemicOne: Stop the chasing, don't you have anything better to do?
I always have something better to do, fucking homework.
I hang out with her on a daily basis as we have a class together 4 days of the week. I do want closure I admit but I aslo don't want to repeat myself and make it turn awkward (due to having multiple classes together).
So just ask her if she thought about what you were talking about. Then she'll probably say 'huh'? and you can say 'about the fact that I like you' and you'll see where she goes from there. I get that you have to see her everyday, which is gonna make getting over her hard, but once she tells you that she doesn't really like you that way at least your mind won't still hold onto hope. (Now she could say that she does like you as well, so let's not be all negative here.) You can also then go out that night and look for any girl you want while only slightly being able to make out how she looks
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
Well you're certainly doing the right thing for not trying to think what to say next. Try to get their facebook/number etc to hang out and you'll see if you fit or not. I know back when I was a teenager I was all like 'fuck this, I don't fit in with anyone anyway' which certainly didn't help me actually making friends
Yeah I do that too and they do usually give me a number of facebook but nothing comes out of it. If I text or message them trying to find out if they want to do something I can tell they would rather not.
Dating-age, I need a little bit of help.
I’ve recently met someone and for some reason or another am finding it incredibly difficult to get physical with her. I really like this girl, after going on a few dates with different people earlier this year it feels like a breath of fresh air to meet someone that I just click with. The problem is every time I try to get physical (not that I’m Don Juan by any stretch) but she just seems to retract.
Normally, I would think to myself that she just wasn’t interested but two things compound that though, firstly that she’s incredibly inexperienced and secondly that her friend flat out told me that she talks about me in a good way and probably likes me. I haven’t gone on a classic/proper date with this girl, mainly meeting her in the context of group events but end up spending a lot of time together for most of the night, only ever catching up once for coffee last week where we were alone, which is a difficult position to get physical considering it was a lunch break. Hugs, etc are no problem but just haven’t really been able to go in for the kiss.
I’ve recently met someone and for some reason or another am finding it incredibly difficult to get physical with her. I really like this girl, after going on a few dates with different people earlier this year it feels like a breath of fresh air to meet someone that I just click with. The problem is every time I try to get physical (not that I’m Don Juan by any stretch) but she just seems to retract.
Normally, I would think to myself that she just wasn’t interested but two things compound that though, firstly that she’s incredibly inexperienced and secondly that her friend flat out told me that she talks about me in a good way and probably likes me. I haven’t gone on a classic/proper date with this girl, mainly meeting her in the context of group events but end up spending a lot of time together for most of the night, only ever catching up once for coffee last week where we were alone, which is a difficult position to get physical considering it was a lunch break. Hugs, etc are no problem but just haven’t really been able to go in for the kiss.
In that case you probably haven't met the right people, from the sounds of it. But don't worry, you will! Then again, maybe you're just getting the wrong impression from the people? Maybe try to hang out with them first before forming your opinion on whether or not they like you.
Try talking about your interest when you're talking with people as well. If they show interest too you'll know it's much more worthwhile to follow-up.
Yeah, you NEED to be with her alone before she'll let you kiss her, to be honest. Organise a proper date and see how that fares (but even there you really shouldn't force the kiss).
Man, I really need to stop getting nearly all of my dates through online dating. I've now had two real duds in a row. Just got back from a date and after half an hour to an hour I already knew there was no chemistry to be found between the two of us. After about 2 hours I asked for the check, walked her to her car and said goodbye.
There's simply too many mystery factors with online dating. From actual looks (photos can be deceiving), to voice, laugh or simply put how engaging and fun someone is in the flesh, rather than through text. I'm now perfectly comfortable asking women out online without so much as blinking an eye, but it's time for me to translate that to offline.
Met a girl working in a shoe store today and she was drop dead gorgeous and extremely cute. I ended up buying the wrong can of leather spray after we both tried to figure out the type of leather my new messenger bag was made of (I had left it at home, which wasn't exactly smart in hindsight). She asked me my name and phone number as part of the requirement for returning the item. I now wish I'd had the balls then and there to tell her "Sure, but only if I can get yours too".
There's simply too many mystery factors with online dating. From actual looks (photos can be deceiving), to voice, laugh or simply put how engaging and fun someone is in the flesh, rather than through text. I'm now perfectly comfortable asking women out online without so much as blinking an eye, but it's time for me to translate that to offline.
Met a girl working in a shoe store today and she was drop dead gorgeous and extremely cute. I ended up buying the wrong can of leather spray after we both tried to figure out the type of leather my new messenger bag was made of (I had left it at home, which wasn't exactly smart in hindsight). She asked me my name and phone number as part of the requirement for returning the item. I now wish I'd had the balls then and there to tell her "Sure, but only if I can get yours too".
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
I should point out I've been at this for quite a while now. It's one thing if I just showed up to a new college but I've been here for 4 semesters.
Bucket-o-roadkill
Member
Been meeting girls from online dating sites locally since the turn of the year, met girl number 14 last thursday, texts have gone from regularly and daily to being an after thought.. Lucky if the messages reach half a dozen words, her facebook had a deluge of new guys being added this evening so that says it all really. About ready to give up yet again. Self confidence is most definitely at an all time low right now.
T
Transhuman
Unconfirmed Member
It seems like she wants all the girls for herself. Ask her if she thinks the math class girl is cute, and that you plan to start seeing her. If she's not into you now, she probably never will be. You owe her nothing.
AnathemicOne
Banned
I doubt this is the case. She really is a nice girl, quiet at times but fun to be with when you get to know her. Her last relationship with her ex-gf was her very first.
As for your suggestion I can either do that or go on Mario's suggestion of bringing up the topic again. Ill think on it over the weekend for sure.
T
Transhuman
Unconfirmed Member
Do both. Just say you want to be completely sure that there's no romantic feelings between the two of you before you start talking to the new person you met.
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