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[masud]

Don't you guys hate those girls who are willing to go on a few dates then later tell you they only went out with you to get a few drinks at a bar for chivalry's sake.

So what do I do, say no next time a when a lady interest asks if I can get her a drink?

Never buy a woman a drink because she asks you to? Even if she is interested (she isn't) the fact that she initiated the conversation by asking you to buy her something is a huge red flag.

 

[MoGamesXNA]

Well, I have two dates tentatively lined up for this weekend. The girl that cancelled two weeks ago, has since returned from her holiday and wants to catch up this weekend.

Another girl I've been talking to in the interim now wants to go out for drinks on Saturday. She just called me to apologise for not replying to an email that I sent yesterday.

As an added bonus, a larger girl on OKCupid sent me her bondage photos.

If both girls bail out, at least I came away with some free amateur bondage pr0n this week.

 

[Gucci Messiah]

Don't you guys hate those girls who are willing to go on a few dates then later tell you they only went out with you to get a few drinks at a bar for chivalry's sake.

So what do I do, say no next time a when a lady interest asks if I can get her a drink?

Buy them a drink and feel out their attitude towards you. I don't think it is hard to distinguish between some chick using you to get drunk and one that is actually interested.

 

[Minamu]

Not buying drinks will give them an opportunity to buy you drinks instead.

 

[injurai]

I always read this as Dragon-Age 3 |OT|... I don't even have dyslexia that I know of.

 

[zethren]

Why won't Morrigan date me? I think she has a thing for the Dovahkiin in our Psych class. He's such a loud jerk too.

 

[Cubsfan23]

Don't you guys hate those girls who are willing to go on a few dates then later tell you they only went out with you to get a few drinks at a bar for chivalry's sake.

So what do I do, say no next time a when a lady interest asks if I can get her a drink?

always use selective hearing when they ask you for stuff

You: "oh you're buying me a drink? thanks"


buying drinks is only ok if they don't ask for it and you're not trying to get something from them

 

[Einbroch]

Okay, GAF, problem.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for two years. We went to the same university, but then went to different grad schools. We only live about 3 hours apart so we still see eachother once a week. It's been going okay now, but lately it's been getting really bad.

Her birthday was yesterday and my normal visiting days are Monday and Tuesday (I have neither work nor class on these days). My car broke down Thursday (last week) and they said they'd have it fixed by Friday, if not, then definitely Monday. Monday afternoon rolls around and they tell me it won't be ready, so I'm upset. I call her and tell her I can't make it. She goes on this huge rant about how I'm never prepared for such situations and how I never take responsibility. We argue for a bit over the phone and she goes to bed.

Now this morning I get a text saying how she thinks we should take a break. I don't know what to say. I love her, but lately we've just been kinda getting on eachother's nerves. I should be livid because:

- I always visit her. This school year she has never visited me.
- I make $13/hour, she makes $20, yet I have to buy everything myself (gas and food when visiting her). She buys her own stuff.
- She has no financial responsibilities yet expects all these gifts. I'm poor, dammit.
- She wants FIVE phone calls a day. I'm busy. I would love a long conversation at the end of the night, but she wants all these 30 minute phone calls sprinkled throughout the day.
- I always listen to her complaints and she never listens to mine.
- We're very different, but we respect eachother's differences.

Now, I might sound whiny, but actually I'm mad. Mad that she takes me for granted and now wants a break because I couldn't visit her for her birthday because my fucking car broke down. I didn't forget. I didn't ignore her.

Rant over. I don't know how to respond to this. This is my first ever serious relationship (outside of garbage flings in high school) so I'm completely at a loss.

 

[Perspicacity]

Sounds like you have a lot of very good reasons for wanting a break/breaking it off. You can't leverage your complaints into keeping her around, that doesn't make any sense. Instead use the issues to come to accept that it's over and wish her well in her future endeavors.

 

[Oxn]

Okay, GAF, problem.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for two years. We went to the same university, but then went to different grad schools. We only live about 3 hours apart so we still see eachother once a week. It's been going okay now, but lately it's been getting really bad.

Her birthday was yesterday and my normal visiting days are Monday and Tuesday (I have neither work nor class on these days). My car broke down Thursday (last week) and they said they'd have it fixed by Friday, if not, then definitely Monday. Monday afternoon rolls around and they tell me it won't be ready, so I'm upset. I call her and tell her I can't make it. She goes on this huge rant about how I'm never prepared for such situations and how I never take responsibility. We argue for a bit over the phone and she goes to bed.

Now this morning I get a text saying how she thinks we should take a break. I don't know what to say. I love her, but lately we've just been kinda getting on eachother's nerves. I should be livid because:

- I always visit her. This school year she has never visited me.
- I make $13/hour, she makes $20, yet I have to buy everything myself (gas and food when visiting her). She buys her own stuff.
- She has no financial responsibilities yet expects all these gifts. I'm poor, dammit.
- She wants FIVE phone calls a day. I'm busy. I would love a long conversation at the end of the night, but she wants all these 30 minute phone calls sprinkled throughout the day.
- I always listen to her complaints and she never listens to mine.
- We're very different, but we respect eachother's differences.

Now, I might sound whiny, but actually I'm mad. Mad that she takes me for granted and now wants a break because I couldn't visit her for her birthday because my fucking car broke down. I didn't forget. I didn't ignore her.

Rant over. I don't know how to respond to this. This is my first ever serious relationship (outside of garbage flings in high school) so I'm completely at a loss.

She took you for granted and shes done using you. Thats all it is. You are no longer convient for her, and now its over.

 

[Prologue]

Just looking for some advice/feedback. Sometimes its nice to get someone else's perspective. Especially if they are more experienced.

Let me just say off the bat that I'm not experienced in the sexual department. I'm 21 now and had a few relationships when I was younger. Either they were troublesome due to my poor choice in women or they just ended abruptly(someone moving away).

I met a attractive girl that just wants to get straight to business. No strings or drama, just wants to have fun. Funny enough, I declined. A large part of me feels bad for not taking the opportunity to have some fun and get some experience under my belt. But theres a small part of me that wants my first time to be a bit more meaningful. I'm not saying I want my first time to be with the love of my life, thats just unrealistic and my patience is no where near that level. Its bothering me enough to post here for some feedback.

Advice? Feedback? For those who are a bit older and had their string of experiences. Would you have taken the chances when you could of or just been more conservative?

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

@Einbroch: The fact that you're keeping score should tell you everything you need to know about the state of your relationship.

 

[RionaaM]

I was at a party this weekend, and introduced myself to this girl that walked in. First thing that came out of her mouth was "How old are you? You look twelve!"

Ouch. Wish I could grow a beard or something.

That sucks. How did you react to that?

I get that kind of comments pretty often when meeting new people, but never had it said that way.

 

[Einbroch]

@Einbroch: The fact that you're keeping score should tell you everything you need to know about the state of your relationship.

Well I'm not really keeping score, just laying out some grievances. But I understand what you're saying.

We're talking to eachother in about an hour. I'm going to ask for a break. I want to set the timeline, thinking two weeks, I don't know. I want this to be my decision, not hers, as childish or "power hungry" as that may seem. Sick of being walked all over.

This sucks.

 

[Oxn]

Well I'm not really keeping score, just laying out some grievances. But I understand what you're saying.

We're talking to eachother in about an hour. I'm going to ask for a break. I want to set the timeline, thinking two weeks, I don't know. I want this to be my decision, not hers, as childish or "power hungry" as that may seem. Sick of being walked all over.

This sucks.

how can you ask for a break if she already said she wants a break? This is both childish and power hungry. Dont say this is your decision and then say this sucks. Clearly it isnt your decision cause she already decided.

 

[WyndhamPrice]

Yeah, this sounds like you need to just end it. She's being unreasonable.

Also breaks are horseshit.

 

[Log4Girlz]

Okay, GAF, problem.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for two years. We went to the same university, but then went to different grad schools. We only live about 3 hours apart so we still see eachother once a week. It's been going okay now, but lately it's been getting really bad.

Her birthday was yesterday and my normal visiting days are Monday and Tuesday (I have neither work nor class on these days). My car broke down Thursday (last week) and they said they'd have it fixed by Friday, if not, then definitely Monday. Monday afternoon rolls around and they tell me it won't be ready, so I'm upset. I call her and tell her I can't make it. She goes on this huge rant about how I'm never prepared for such situations and how I never take responsibility. We argue for a bit over the phone and she goes to bed.

Now this morning I get a text saying how she thinks we should take a break. I don't know what to say. I love her, but lately we've just been kinda getting on eachother's nerves. I should be livid because:

- I always visit her. This school year she has never visited me.
- I make $13/hour, she makes $20, yet I have to buy everything myself (gas and food when visiting her). She buys her own stuff.
- She has no financial responsibilities yet expects all these gifts. I'm poor, dammit.
- She wants FIVE phone calls a day. I'm busy. I would love a long conversation at the end of the night, but she wants all these 30 minute phone calls sprinkled throughout the day.
- I always listen to her complaints and she never listens to mine.
- We're very different, but we respect eachother's differences.

Now, I might sound whiny, but actually I'm mad. Mad that she takes me for granted and now wants a break because I couldn't visit her for her birthday because my fucking car broke down. I didn't forget. I didn't ignore her.

Rant over. I don't know how to respond to this. This is my first ever serious relationship (outside of garbage flings in high school) so I'm completely at a loss.

Doesn't sound like you had much of a relationship. Time to move on, she has.

 

[Cubsfan23]

Okay, GAF, problem.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for two years. We went to the same university, but then went to different grad schools. We only live about 3 hours apart so we still see eachother once a week. It's been going okay now, but lately it's been getting really bad.

Her birthday was yesterday and my normal visiting days are Monday and Tuesday (I have neither work nor class on these days). My car broke down Thursday (last week) and they said they'd have it fixed by Friday, if not, then definitely Monday. Monday afternoon rolls around and they tell me it won't be ready, so I'm upset. I call her and tell her I can't make it. She goes on this huge rant about how I'm never prepared for such situations and how I never take responsibility. We argue for a bit over the phone and she goes to bed.

Now this morning I get a text saying how she thinks we should take a break. I don't know what to say. I love her, but lately we've just been kinda getting on eachother's nerves. I should be livid because:

- I always visit her. This school year she has never visited me.
- I make $13/hour, she makes $20, yet I have to buy everything myself (gas and food when visiting her). She buys her own stuff.
- She has no financial responsibilities yet expects all these gifts. I'm poor, dammit.
- She wants FIVE phone calls a day. I'm busy. I would love a long conversation at the end of the night, but she wants all these 30 minute phone calls sprinkled throughout the day.
- I always listen to her complaints and she never listens to mine.
- We're very different, but we respect eachother's differences.

Now, I might sound whiny, but actually I'm mad. Mad that she takes me for granted and now wants a break because I couldn't visit her for her birthday because my fucking car broke down. I didn't forget. I didn't ignore her.

Rant over. I don't know how to respond to this. This is my first ever serious relationship (outside of garbage flings in high school) so I'm completely at a loss.

move on.

 

[Sanky Panky]

Well I'm not really keeping score, just laying out some grievances. But I understand what you're saying.

We're talking to eachother in about an hour. I'm going to ask for a break. I want to set the timeline, thinking two weeks, I don't know. I want this to be my decision, not hers, as childish or "power hungry" as that may seem. Sick of being walked all over.

This sucks.

Love is never enough. You have to be able to live with a person, and that person has to contribute to your life in a positive way. Seems like it was all take, take, take from her part, without much giving back.

She's not the one for you.

 

[Sarye]

Well I'm not really keeping score, just laying out some grievances. But I understand what you're saying.

We're talking to eachother in about an hour. I'm going to ask for a break. I want to set the timeline, thinking two weeks, I don't know. I want this to be my decision, not hers, as childish or "power hungry" as that may seem. Sick of being walked all over.

This sucks.

Einbroch, lots of tough love in here but they're all correct. You deserve better, someone who puts as much effort into the relationship as you do. In your future relationships, don't let your gf walk all over you. Make sure she pulls her weight. This relationship is too late because she expects you to pamper her now and it's hard to change that mindset when you've allowed it for 2 years.

Not blaming you for it. It's your first real relationship so it's easy to fall into that trap. Heck, I fell into it twice. Just got to learn from it.

 

[RedNalgene]

Just looking for some advice/feedback. Sometimes its nice to get someone else's perspective. Especially if they are more experienced.

Let me just say off the bat that I'm not experienced in the sexual department. I'm 21 now and had a few relationships when I was younger. Either they were troublesome due to my poor choice in women or they just ended abruptly(someone moving away).

I met a attractive girl that just wants to get straight to business. No strings or drama, just wants to have fun. Funny enough, I declined. A large part of me feels bad for not taking the opportunity to have some fun and get some experience under my belt. But theres a small part of me that wants my first time to be a bit more meaningful. I'm not saying I want my first time to be with the love of my life, thats just unrealistic and my patience is no where near that level. Its bothering me enough to post here for some feedback.

Advice? Feedback? For those who are a bit older and had their string of experiences. Would you have taken the chances when you could of or just been more conservative?

I wouldn't put too much weight behind "your first time". In my opinion it gets built up as this big thing that makes you into something "new and improved". In reality the only changes that really happen are that you clear a self imposed mental barrier. Yes, it feels good to know that you've had sex, but so what? Doesn't change who you are except maybe make you more confident (which could be a big thing, depends on the person).

That being said, if you're not interested in a sexual fling just for sex, that's cool. Maybe you're just not into her that way, even if she is attractive. Attraction goes beyond just physical. There are many girls I've met who are physically attractive but have a less than attractive personality. They aren't people I'd take home.

I've never been the type of person to just go out on the weekend looking for a one night stand. Sure, I've had that, but it never gives me any sort of fulfillment so I don't actively pursue it. I think sex with someone who you truly care about is so much more intense than a fling, but that's just how I feel. Some of my buddies love the chase and have no problem being with a different girl every weekend. Not for me.

So my advice would be to pick something in the middle. You don't need to find your soulmate for your first time, but don't just throw yourself out there like some piece of meat if that's not for you. You rejected that opportunity because it didn't feel right - that's normal. You're 21, you have time to have all kinds of different hookups. Experiment, see what works.

 

[Darklord]

So an update with the married girl. We've still been talking...a lot. Our flirting isn't even subtle anymore. I thought the initial interest would have worn off by now but it really isn't, it's just getting stronger. I'm starting to have the feeling even though she hasn't said anything that her and her husband don't really get on super well. I might be completely wrong but like on the weekend they don't even hang out or do stuff together. Isn't that strange? Some things she says like "It's nice to feel wanted" and shit like that make me think things aren't going that great either.
I don't think she's just having her ego stroked by me, I'm not pawing at her like a dog saying how hot she is or massaging her ego. A lot of it is just friendly chatting and hanging out joking and laughing but then goes into more stuff.

It's so dumb, the whole thing. I know I should end it and stop this shit but I can't stop myself. I'm genuinely happy when I speak to talk. We haven't done anything yet but I feel like it will. And yes, I realize that if she is a cheater then what's stopping her from cheating against me? Well, nothing. But she doesn't seem to be a slut or anything like that. She just seems bored and unhappy in life(she's still in her 20's by the way) and wants change. Maybe I'm that change?

I can't imagine anything but a bad ending to this for at least one person. Life sucks sometimes.

 

[Minamu]

Just looking for some advice/feedback. Sometimes its nice to get someone else's perspective. Especially if they are more experienced.

Let me just say off the bat that I'm not experienced in the sexual department. I'm 21 now and had a few relationships when I was younger. Either they were troublesome due to my poor choice in women or they just ended abruptly(someone moving away).

I met a attractive girl that just wants to get straight to business. No strings or drama, just wants to have fun. Funny enough, I declined. A large part of me feels bad for not taking the opportunity to have some fun and get some experience under my belt. But theres a small part of me that wants my first time to be a bit more meaningful. I'm not saying I want my first time to be with the love of my life, thats just unrealistic and my patience is no where near that level. Its bothering me enough to post here for some feedback.

Advice? Feedback? For those who are a bit older and had their string of experiences. Would you have taken the chances when you could of or just been more conservative?

Six years later, I barely remember any of the details about my first time. And I considered it very special at the time. I wouldn't be who I am today if I hadn't done it so in that regard, I'd redo it, but it also caused a shit ton of drama and didn't really help me much. I wasn't new and improved afterwards either. These things are only as important as you make them, and later on, your stance on the matter will probably change quite a bit and you'll shake your head at whatever decisions you made when you were younger. Considering you've already turned this girl down once, things might be hard to get flowing again, but I'd go for it if I were you. You wouldn't really lose anything and there are nice things to gain, right?

 

[I'm an expert]

So an update with the married girl. We've still been talking...a lot. Our flirting isn't even subtle anymore. I thought the initial interest would have worn off by now but it really isn't, it's just getting stronger. I'm starting to have the feeling even though she hasn't said anything that her and her husband don't really get on super well. I might be completely wrong but like on the weekend they don't even hang out or do stuff together. Isn't that strange? Some things she says like "It's nice to feel wanted" and shit like that make me think things aren't going that great either.
I don't think she's just having her ego stroked by me, I'm not pawing at her like a dog saying how hot she is or massaging her ego. A lot of it is just friendly chatting and hanging out joking and laughing but then goes into more stuff.

It's so dumb, the whole thing. I know I should end it and stop this shit but I can't stop myself. I'm genuinely happy when I speak to talk. We haven't done anything yet but I feel like it will. And yes, I realize that if she is a cheater then what's stopping her from cheating against me? Well, nothing. But she doesn't seem to be a slut or anything like that. She just seems bored and unhappy in life(she's still in her 20's by the way) and wants change. Maybe I'm that change?

I can't imagine anything but a bad ending to this for at least one person. Life sucks sometimes.

Quoting this for the inevitable.

 

[pelicansurf]

That's not what he meant. He meant be overall happy being alone with yourself.

I've been doing some dating since my gf of 5 years broke up with me, and it's only now, almost 10+ months later am I becoming comfortable with being by myself. With being my own person, that doesn't have someone else they rely on to talk to, to fuck, to cuddle with, who will be home when you get home.

Eventually, it gets to the point where being by yourself is alright. You'll always miss the person, but it doesn't hurt as bad.

Is your name Dave?

 

[Darklord]

Quoting this for the inevitable.

I know...I know. I'm a master of my own self destruction.

 

[RionaaM]

I wouldn't put too much weight behind "your first time". In my opinion it gets built up as this big thing that makes you into something "new and improved". In reality the only changes that really happen are that you clear a self imposed mental barrier. Yes, it feels good to know that you've had sex, but so what? Doesn't change who you are except maybe make you more confident (which could be a big thing, depends on the person).

That being said, if you're not interested in a sexual fling just for sex, that's cool. Maybe you're just not into her that way, even if she is attractive. Attraction goes beyond just physical. There are many girls I've met who are physically attractive but have a less than attractive personality. They aren't people I'd take home.

I've never been the type of person to just go out on the weekend looking for a one night stand. Sure, I've had that, but it never gives me any sort of fulfillment so I don't actively pursue it. I think sex with someone who you truly care about is so much more intense than a fling, but that's just how I feel. Some of my buddies love the chase and have no problem being with a different girl every weekend. Not for me.

So my advice would be to pick something in the middle. You don't need to find your soulmate for your first time, but don't just throw yourself out there like some piece of meat if that's not for you. You rejected that opportunity because it didn't feel right - that's normal. You're 21, you have time to have all kinds of different hookups. Experiment, see what works.

Listen to this man, he speaks the truth. Last year I've done it just a little few times and I felt great in that moments, but now it's been more than a year since I've been with a girl and I'm back to being the lonely and sad guy I always used to be before that. So it's more like a state of mind, not a change of personality. You'll still be the same guy after having sex, so try not to think too much about it, or give sex too much importance.

And I agree with his last part too, don't do it with any girl just because you "want it done", do it with someone you like and want. Remember that you'll only have one first time in your whole life, so let's make it one to remember!

 

[QuantumBro]

What the best way to escalate from a regular conversation to asking for a number? There's this girl I worked with on an in-class group project and I want to get her number during or after class today. I'm just wondering the best way to ask her for it so I don't come off as weird or some shit.
Thanks!

 

[Minamu]

What the best way to escalate from a regular conversation to asking for a number? There's this girl I worked with on an in-class group project and I want to get her number during or after class today. I'm just wondering the best way to ask her for it so I don't come off as weird or some shit.
Thanks!

Give her yours for some valid reason.

 

[QuantumBro]

Give her yours for some valid reason.

Would "Do you want my number in case you need help on the assignment" work?

 

[JohnDoe]

Well I'm not really keeping score, just laying out some grievances. But I understand what you're saying.

We're talking to eachother in about an hour. I'm going to ask for a break. I want to set the timeline, thinking two weeks, I don't know. I want this to be my decision, not hers, as childish or "power hungry" as that may seem. Sick of being walked all over.

This sucks.

Sorry bud, she already asked for the break. The only thing you could and should ask for is a breakup.

 

[Perspicacity]

Would "Do you want my number in case you need help on the assignment" work?

How about "Do you want to go to [place] with me for [activity]?"

 

[Minamu]

Would "Do you want my number in case you need help on the assignment" work?

She can shoot you a text or call you if she needs help. If she's into it, she'll take out her phone on her own. No need to force it with a direct question. I'd pay attention and take an interest in her first in general. Ask her what she's doing during the week and weekend. If you have something interesting going on, tell her and if she's interested, she can tag along.

 

[hyduK]

Would "Do you want my number in case you need help on the assignment" work?

No.

Girls aren't stupid (for the sake of this conversation, at least), she's going to know your intentions and you'll just be seen as lacking confidence for beating around the bush.

If you're really gonna go that route you do it in a tone that makes it blatantly obvious that you know that she knows what you actually want...

 

[Cubsfan23]

Would "Do you want my number in case you need help on the assignment" work?

don't ever ask questions when it comes to giving your number or inviting

the gist of it is, you say you are doing a certain thing (social), and if she reacts positive, you offer number/invitation. And the most important thing is that she is the one pulling her phone out and putting your number in, without you telling her to, or waiting around for her to do it. If she doesn't pull it out, you just leave or change subject.

example:

You: Yeah, I might go do some kareokee this weekend
Her: omg i love kareokee
You: Oh you can join us, just shoot me a text.
*she pulls out phone*............or not

It's that easy.




A lot of this really comes down to your vibe, when it comes to whether or not women actually texts you, that's why you gotta work on yourself too. When you get to a certain level they will just ask for your number, you won't even have to do this.

 

[UFRA]

Over the last month, I have felt as if my girlfriend was distancing herself a little bit from me. Nothing major, we always talk every day, but sometimes she seemed uninterested in talking, or not as willing to do stuff.

She works 2 jobs, one full-time, one part-time. Usually on her days off of the full-time job, is when she's working the part-time one, and sometimes both the same days for 16 hr work days. She's very busy, but still makes time for me, and does nice things for me like cooking me meals to last me through my work week for example (she's a great cook).

We're at our 4th month in dating now, and the first few were super passionate and hot. We were all over each other. We're out of that 'honeymoon' stage now, and it's clear we both still care about each other and like having each other in our lives, but I have now learned how important space is.

I realized I was missing her clues that she needs a little space and time to her self occasionally too. It's no wonder I felt she was distancing herself, it was because that was her clue she needed a little space. I was smothering her.

I picked up on this a few days ago, she was having a bad day (work related) and she was saying she just wanted some alone time to relax. Me being stupid, it made me push to offer her company more instead. She made it clear she wanted alone time and so I then let her be that night. The following day, I then left her alone entirely to see what would happen. No more than 5 hours into the day, and she already reached out to initiate contact with me, and we ended up having a better talk that day than we had in the last few weeks. It showed me how important space on just that SMALL level was so effective. It made her realize my significance in her life and she reached out to me because she missed hearing from me.

I once read an interesting bit that relationships are like a rubberband. If one side of the band is trying to force itself on the other side, then you just get a mushy clump of band that isn't working. If one side pulls away, it causes the other side to get pulled towards it. It's important to have that space sometimes - in moderation - to keep the desire and want for the other person there.

I'm glad I learned about this before my smothering became completely destructive.

 

[RedNalgene]

So an update with the married girl. We've still been talking...a lot. Our flirting isn't even subtle anymore. I thought the initial interest would have worn off by now but it really isn't, it's just getting stronger. I'm starting to have the feeling even though she hasn't said anything that her and her husband don't really get on super well. I might be completely wrong but like on the weekend they don't even hang out or do stuff together. Isn't that strange? Some things she says like "It's nice to feel wanted" and shit like that make me think things aren't going that great either.
I don't think she's just having her ego stroked by me, I'm not pawing at her like a dog saying how hot she is or massaging her ego. A lot of it is just friendly chatting and hanging out joking and laughing but then goes into more stuff.

It's so dumb, the whole thing. I know I should end it and stop this shit but I can't stop myself. I'm genuinely happy when I speak to talk. We haven't done anything yet but I feel like it will. And yes, I realize that if she is a cheater then what's stopping her from cheating against me? Well, nothing. But she doesn't seem to be a slut or anything like that. She just seems bored and unhappy in life(she's still in her 20's by the way) and wants change. Maybe I'm that change?

I can't imagine anything but a bad ending to this for at least one person. Life sucks sometimes.

Exact same thing happened to me. She didn't hang out with her significant other, didn't seem to enjoy being with him. Said felt wanted with me. That things were different. I got burned after wasting years of my life "waiting for her to end it" with her SO. I know you're saying that you know it won't end well, but it will likely end worse than you can imagine, and will only get more painful as time progresses. I don't mean to act like the grim reaper or anything, just...don't continue this.

 

[Darklord]

Exact same thing happened to me. She didn't hang out with her significant other, didn't seem to enjoy being with him. Said felt wanted with me. That things were different. I got burned after wasting years of my life "waiting for her to end it" with her SO. I know you're saying that you know it won't end well, but it will likely end worse than you can imagine, and will only get more painful as time progresses. I don't mean to act like the grim reaper or anything, just...don't continue this.

Damn, I'm not gonna do that. If she doesn't want to end it and still wants to be with him, that's it. I'm not waiting for years or even months. This has only been going on for like...2 weeks? It's still very early on. Half that time was just being friendly. I'm not going to be the second man waiting in the shadows or thinking I'll be marrying her or fall in love. I'll see how things go and I'll be up front and ask her. If she's still iffy or doesn't want to change, I'll end it there and then.

I know this road I'm taking is a painful and fucked up path but...I want to see its end. For me as well. I dunno, it's hard to explain. This is something new in my life, I want to explore it...if that makes sense. I won't let myself fall into being a fool by her.

 

[UFRA]

Damn, I'm not gonna do that. If she doesn't want to end it and still wants to be with him, that's it. I'm not waiting for years or even months. This has only been going on for like...2 weeks? It's still very early on. Half that time was just being friendly. I'm not going to be the second man waiting in the shadows or thinking I'll be marrying her or fall in love. I'll see how things go and I'll be up front and ask her. If she's still iffy or doesn't want to change, I'll end it there and then.

I know this road I'm taking is a painful and fucked up path but...I want to see its end. For me as well. I dunno, it's hard to explain. I won't let myself fall into being a fool by her.

If she was legitimately entertaining new options for a partner, then she'd tell you she's married but currently separated from her husband. That would show she's actually serious about potentially leaving him and moving on.

The fact that she's doing this all behind his back, it's pretty clear she's looking for a casual fling on the side behind her husband.

But go ahead and ask her to leave him for you. I guarantee her tone will really change after that. She'll realize you aren't the casual fling she wanted, and you actually want to be serious with her too.

The whole situation is just bad news.

 

[zethren]

Just forget about her, man. It's likely not a road you'll enjoy going down.

 

[RedNalgene]

Damn, I'm not gonna do that. If she doesn't want to end it and still wants to be with him, that's it. I'm not waiting for years or even months. This has only been going on for like...2 weeks? It's still very early on. Half that time was just being friendly. I'm not going to be the second man waiting in the shadows or thinking I'll be marrying her or fall in love. I'll see how things go and I'll be up front and ask her. If she's still iffy or doesn't want to change, I'll end it there and then.

I know this road I'm taking is a painful and fucked up path but...I want to see its end. For me as well. I dunno, it's hard to explain. This is something new in my life, I want to explore it...if that makes sense. I won't let myself fall into being a fool by her.

That's the right attitude to have, though it's easy to get sucked in and lose track of the time. I told myself the same thing, then kept coming up with excuses to continue with the "relationship". Thinking to myself "oh, she just has to finish her masters, then she'll be able to end it" or "she needs to find a job first, then she'll end it". It just never happened. I was seeing other people at the time too, but my heart wasn't in it with any of them, it was waiting on her. Just keep in mind that you should be ready to walk away when (not if) she says "I know it's over between me and my husband, but I need some time to get out of this marriage. If you can't give me that time then I understand".

 

[The Last Wizard]

Yea dude forget it, same thing happened to me back in high school. I kept waiting for the girl to end it and she did eventually...with me. She kept feeding me stuff about not being into her bf anymore and how the attraction was gone but lo and behold she never ended it.

 

[FallingEdge]

@Darklord - Are you trying to be with this woman? From what you were posting, I was under the impression that you were just flirting and wanted to "test the waters" so to speak.

 

[WyndhamPrice]

SimplePickup has had two videos in the past month dealing with girls and school, thought it might be useful:

How to pick up girls in class 1

How to pick up girls in class 2

 

[Darklord]

@Darklord - Are you trying to be with this woman? From what you were posting, I was under the impression that you were just flirting and wanted to "test the waters" so to speak.

It is at the moment it is just flirting and that stuff but it could get more serious. I think I'm jumping the gun and getting too ahead of myself with my thinking but still, I wanna be prepared I guess.

That's the right attitude to have, though it's easy to get sucked in and lose track of the time. I told myself the same thing, then kept coming up with excuses to continue with the "relationship". Thinking to myself "oh, she just has to finish her masters, then she'll be able to end it" or "she needs to find a job first, then she'll end it". It just never happened. I was seeing other people at the time too, but my heart wasn't in it with any of them, it was waiting on her. Just keep in mind that you should be ready to walk away when (not if) she says "I know it's over between me and my husband, but I need some time to get out of this marriage. If you can't give me that time then I understand".

I know. I've seen one of my friends get torn apart emotionally by a girl who stringed him along for a year, never wanted to get serious, was always "maybe". I'm extremely aware not to be strung along like that. My life won't end if this fails. I'll be disappointed, not heart broken. I've known this woman for only 2 weeks. To me it's a casual fling still as well. However IF things keep going, IF they get better, IF she is willing to change...then maybe.

Look, I realize the chance of this working out is like a million to one. But after 2 failed relationships this year and just shit luck with it all of it I find someone I get along better than almost anyone I know. I'm not a super talkative person yet I can talk to her for like 6 hours straight.

 

[zethren]

Well, just keep in mind that she is more than capable of doing to you what she's doing to her husband (if it ever gets that far between you two). Basically, just understand that you're setting yourself up with greater odds of pain later on down the line.

We just want what's best for you, man.

 

[hawkshockey11]

Hit it off with 2 girls at a party last weekend. I really liked one of the girls and we walked back to her dorm. It was occupied so nothing happened and I haven't talked to her since (busy week).

I just do not know how to go forward with this. I don't really want to text or call unless I actually have something to say. I am not sure if it was just a college girl being a college girl or if she actually has some interest and I am not sure how successful just jumping into asking her out will be.

 

[zethren]

Hit it off with 2 girls at a party last weekend. I really liked one of the girls and we walked back to her dorm. It was occupied so nothing happened and I haven't talked to her since (busy week).

I just do not know how to go forward with this. I don't really want to text or call unless I actually have something to say. I am not sure if it was just a college girl being a college girl or if she actually has some interest and I am not sure how successful just jumping into asking her out will be.

"Hey, I really liked hanging out with you the other day. Want to grab some coffee or something this week?"

Or send an invite to another party that they/she may not already be going to, and see where that takes you.

 

[hawkshockey11]

"Hey, I really liked hanging out with you the other day. Want to grab some coffee or something this week?"

Or send an invite to another party that they/she may not already be going to, and see where that takes you.

I was going to go with option 2. Seems a little more natural. I have the luxury of being able to run in to her randomly around campus as well to make our interactions seem less forced.

 

[Etrian Oddity]

:: tells friends I plan to up flirting with classmate and get her number ::

:: friends: "don't be too eager" ::

My meatspace friends are useless when it comes to dating help. =|