QuantumBro
Banned
Didn't get to try this today as she was not in class, but I shall keep it in mind for the future.
Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
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Didn't get to try this today as she was not in class, but I shall keep it in mind for the future.
Etrian Oddity
Member
Ehhhhh... the first video actually has pretty damned good advice. But I don't care for SP's bread and butter "Go right up to her and tell her she's the most adorable thing you've ever seen." Yes they can pull some girls, but it's in spite of that--it's super creeper. While confidence does make a difference, when you go the creeper route the reason it succeeds is because the guy is physically attractive, not because he's smooth. I know a couple guys who try this, and basically my whole clique (some 20 guys) thinks it's probably the worst and least-effective style of approach they've seen.
Being upfront and complimenting a girl or saying they're cute is one thing, but SP really overdoes it. :\
The Last Wizard
Member
Well I chatted up the girl in my chem class a whole lot today, I don't even know how we got to talking. But we were in class and she said something about food and we just went from there, we talked for a good while about a lot of random things; food, classes, teacher, krabby patties
The beginning of the conversation started with "do you like (insert food)?"
So we walked out of class and to the train station together, it was raining so we shared her umbrella. She seemed to be interested as she kept the questions going as well and since everything was going so well I decided to ask her out for coffee, I used a throwback from our earlier talk, and asked " do you like coffee?" she replied with a yes so I invited her for a cup sometime. I'm gonna get her number the next time I see her as her train came before I got the chance.
But boy o boy did today go well, I really enjoyed talking to her. Moments like that show me being social is really fun at times. I wasn't even going to ask today, funny how things happen.
The beginning of the conversation started with "do you like (insert food)?" So we walked out of class and to the train station together, it was raining so we shared her umbrella. She seemed to be interested as she kept the questions going as well and since everything was going so well I decided to ask her out for coffee, I used a throwback from our earlier talk, and asked " do you like coffee?" she replied with a yes so I invited her for a cup sometime. I'm gonna get her number the next time I see her as her train came before I got the chance.
But boy o boy did today go well, I really enjoyed talking to her. Moments like that show me being social is really fun at times. I wasn't even going to ask today, funny how things happen.
WyndhamPrice
Member
I'll actually totally agree with you here, in a classroom setting that can be kind of weird if it backfires, since there's not really an easy "out" from the interaction.
I do definitely see the value in establishing yourself as not just some schlub sitting in the class because you have to, though. It's way easier and more comfortable to actively engage with the people around you, it's been making my past few terms a lot more enjoyable.
SMT
this show is not Breaking Bad why is it not Breaking Bad? it should be Breaking Bad dammit Breaking Bad
lol wow, I started picking up girls with the adorable line!! IT WAS SO AWESOME. 100% proven that it works for me.
Etrian Oddity
Member
Indeed. It's important to establish yourself as the alpha in class for the sake of letting others see how awesome you are, not just to give you a chance at the girls. Cart before the horse, etc.
And there's probably a 99% chance that they were going to say yes even if you didn't go the creeper route.
That sort of abrasive method is the one legitimate field where looks are 100% the make or break factor, not confidence. In some of those aforementioned friends in my earlier post, guess which ones continually try the approach and never succeed? The guys who are overweight or aesthetically lacking. The ones who do succeed with it are the guys with the kind of features that can get a girl by being smooth, not corny.
SMT
this show is not Breaking Bad why is it not Breaking Bad? it should be Breaking Bad dammit Breaking Bad
Well, I had to follow it up with some things about the weather, it wasn't purely based on that line. I also talk about school a lot, because I love school, and the girls don't hate it like Jessie says they do.
Maybe more girls hate school in Califorinia.
Some of the things they say are contextual, but most is good stuff.
Fucking dammit. Just read Murakami's Sputnik Sweetheart and that shit was depressing. Making me miss my ex pretty bad, it's been a month and half (I think, I have lost track) since she broke up with me. Really tempted to text her but I have avoided all contact since our breakup despite her attempts otherwise. Just felt like venting about this. Moral of the story is don't read depressing shit soon after a breakup, and avoid Murakami apparently.
Vermillion
Banned
blackwatchplad
Neo Member
Finally got to the point where I feel like I want to say "I don't need/want a relationship"
As soon as I reached that point I fell into one. Funny how that works out. We've been talking for quite a while, but meeting her for the first time this week. Agreed to keep everything very casual.. we both like low maintenance.
I feel like i cant help but to act 'natural' around her... but I've got to admit.. I'm pretty flippin nervous still.
I'm going to fuck up and embarrass myself to no end, and then we're going to have a good laugh over it later.
As soon as I reached that point I fell into one. Funny how that works out. We've been talking for quite a while, but meeting her for the first time this week. Agreed to keep everything very casual.. we both like low maintenance.
I feel like i cant help but to act 'natural' around her... but I've got to admit.. I'm pretty flippin nervous still.
I'm going to fuck up and embarrass myself to no end, and then we're going to have a good laugh over it later.
Those are some very good tips. I've been denying myself the opportunity to get chicks' numbers intentionally, which I should stop doing because I'm scared of nothing. I'm typically the guy that waits until the end of the semester to make a move. But they're definitely right, seize the moment; the sooner the better. Also to move the conversation beyond class; I just did that on Monday and we both had free time, which I should have capitalized on. I'm going to put those tips into practice tomorrow and subsequently and see how that goes. The whole adorable thing/ I like your face, you must be one of the cool people in school line is ballsy so I don't know if I have the guts to pull that off personally. I think I'd like to do a cross between the tips in the first video and the second video. Being early to class to sit next the most attractive girl in the class is pretty good. Be memorable; that's a pretty good way of putting it.
Speaking of which, I had an opportunity earlier with a girl who I took a class with last year. I walked her to the subway, talked about the grade that she got (which again is not cool) , as well as made fun of her for being a nerd and a height a bit (I tower her easily) and noticed that she bumped into me playfully as I made a witty remark, but I let her go without getting her number. I so need to get over this number fear.
undrtakr900
Member
I read somewhere that a guy was at a bar and a girls asked him to buy her a drink, so he ordered a cup of water lol. He even got their number at the end.Never buy a woman a drink because she asks you to? Even if she is interested (she isn't) the fact that she initiated the conversation by asking you to buy her something is a huge red flag.Don't you guys hate those girls who are willing to go on a few dates then later tell you they only went out with you to get a few drinks at a bar for chivalry's sake.So what do I do, say no next time a when a lady interest asks if I can get her a drink?
Saw my ex-fiance today with her new fiance while out for dinner. Talk about an awkward situation seeing her while having dinner alone. She walked by the table said hi and left quickly. I got a text from her about an hour later asking how I've been, but I can't bring myself to reply to her yet.
Vermillion
Banned
Damn, I'm sorry, bro. You don't have to respond yet, or at all. Just try to move on for now. Remember how you did it before.
Sounds like good advice overall.
Yeah. I may reply tomorrow just saying "Fine. Yourself?" and nothing else. Last time I heard from her was about 5 months ago and we got into a long discussion about how she'll always love me and how she wonders if we would still be together.
That talk really set me back a ways. Ever after 2yrs of not being with or seeing her, a small part of me wonders what could have been.
YoYo Switch
Banned
this girl called me "silly"
it's all over, isn't it GAF?
it's all over, isn't it GAF?
Sounds like you've really built this up in your head as more then just a casual fling.
Put aside the fact she's MARRIED - do you really...I mean seriously want to pursue a relationship with a woman who would openly cheat on her husband??? Boy she sounds like a winner.
Likewise you know absolutely nothing about her husband. Just whatever she has told you and wants you to hear. For all you know, he's a good guy who loves her deeply. Why on earth would you want to be some homewrecker just to get laid? Stop thinking with your dick man. Move on. There's plenty of single women out there without baggage.
Just because some MARRIED woman gives you attention doesn't mean other girls won't. Would you really want someone like yourself pursuing your girlfriend or wife? Don't be that guy. I can't imagine anyone having respect for any guy who is openly pursuing someone in a relationship. It's spineless and makes you look desperate beyond belief.
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
I don't know the whole story, but I can't imagine anything worse in the grand scheme of relationships than marrying the wrong person. Be happy you didn't start something that had the potential of becoming the worst thing in your life. Let her have her happiness and just ignore her for your own sake.
Z
ZombieFred
Unconfirmed Member
Well something pleasant has happened yesterday and interested in where things are going. I met this pleasant girl who's just a few years younger than me and it's her first year at university, she attended this local games club that happens in the programming lab at the sites campus. Seeing her Sonic bag I went up to her and we just instantly clicked and talked for hours (old school fan of sonic, not the post 2006 crap) and realised we got a lot in common. We exchanged numbers and have talked a fair bit via text and both of us can't wait to meet up again on Saturday for the second meetup and since I am off to Egypt for two weeks visiting parents she was a little gutted that we won't be seeing each other in a while but we will message via Facebook while I am over there when I can. The best thing is that she said she's not talked to someone with so much in common and instantly clicking off, even with the new friends she made she said she's very happy we met and considers me the best 
I said I felt the same from my time making friends there too, I'm quite smitten.
I think she must be into me when she's mentioned she's single when I said I was and what we want in our future such as careers and what traits we admire in people. The question is when is the right time to ask her out since I've only just met her but I definitely like this girl. I just don't want to make a jack ass out of myself if she sees me as friend zone but I don't think that's the case. Thoughts guys?
I said I felt the same from my time making friends there too, I'm quite smitten. I think she must be into me when she's mentioned she's single when I said I was and what we want in our future such as careers and what traits we admire in people. The question is when is the right time to ask her out since I've only just met her but I definitely like this girl. I just don't want to make a jack ass out of myself if she sees me as friend zone but I don't think that's the case. Thoughts guys?
Well something pleasant has happened yesterday and interested in where things are going. I met this pleasant girl who's just a few years younger than me and it's her first year at university, she attended this local games club that happens in the programming lab at the sites campus. Seeing her Sonic bag I went up to her and we just instantly clicked and talked for hours (old school fan of sonic, not the post 2006 crap) and realised we got a lot in common. We exchanged numbers and have talked a fair bit via text and both of us can't wait to meet up again on Saturday for the second meetup and since I am off to Egypt for two weeks visiting parents she was a little gutted that we won't be seeing each other in a while but we will message via Facebook while I am over there when I can. The best thing is that she said she's not talked to someone with so much in common and instantly clicking off, even with the new friends she made she said she's very happy we met and considers me the best
I think she must be into me when she's mentioned she's single when I said I was and what we want in our future such as careers and what traits we admire in people. The question is when is the right time to ask her out since I've only just met her but I definitely like this girl. I just don't want to make a jack ass out of myself if she sees me as friend zone but I don't think that's the case. Thoughts guys?
Plan something for when you come back? Sounds like a cool girl by the way.
Z
ZombieFred
Unconfirmed Member
I was thinking that, I'll probably ask if she like to meet up on the weekend I return back from the Friday and go out and do something like watch a film at the pictures or something she like to do. She is pretty damn boss, she loves the same role playing genres I enjoy(ed) and is a fan of the good ol' classic iso rpgs and was fascinated with the games I've played and she's not and can't wait to experience such things (Deus Ex in particular). She's definitely going to text me tomorrow and said I'm the best after saying it to her. Yup, definitely into each other for sure.
Sounds like you have a nice thing starting. Good luck!
DONT go to the movies though for a first date. See how well you two bond and talk? Do something together that allows that great bonding to flourish. Going to the movies means you will both sit silently next to each other for 2 hours. That's not productive.
Can't stress enough how true this is.
After about the first month I was dating my girlfriend, I had a small family camping trip that was 4 days long. I was 7 hours up north away from her during the trip. I barely had any cell phone service and we could only text here and there, couldn't call at all.
When I got back, we had the most amazing desire for each other and quite a nice time at her place lol.
Etrian Oddity
Member
I'm done. I'm just going to have to write up that I'm objectively unattractive, because nothing has--nor apparently ever will--change in my dating situation. Positivity, being proactive, fixing myself. Nothing changes.
Later Dating-Age, I'm fucking out for good.
Later Dating-Age, I'm fucking out for good.
Nice
If you only fix yourself to get ladies, you're doing it wrong and it WILL affect your vibe and success rate. And you're also having a debbie downer negative attitude (understandable) and that's doing you serious harm as well. Having a great sex and/or dating life is pointless! Not having it is equally pointless.
I know that feel. I'm there right now. Can't give up though.
There's someone out there for everyone...at least that's what they say.
Barrage
Member
What was the thing that pushed you to this point? I guarantee when you look at it objectively, and not as a breaking point, it's not as big of a deal as you think it is right now.
The Last Wizard
Member
So I'm gonna get the girl from my chemistry class number today(as in thursday), I've already invited her to coffee but didn't get her number. She said she'd give it to me on thursday when we see each other in class, so how should I ask?
Memphis Reigns
Member
GAF I need help. I'm about to turn 28 and the longest relationship I have had was when I was a sr. in HS, and it lasted 10 months. Since then I can't put more than a few months together. I have an issue with trying to get involved with girls younger than myself and it always blows up in my face. I need a woman. The problem is, all my friends are scattered throughout the country and since I've moved to Seattle I have had a hard time making new friends, which means I don't go out as much as I used to. Hell, I never really go out now. I am beginning to think I am going to never find a serious relationship or even get married for that matter. I do lack confidence for whatever reason, and am a nice guy. I just don't know how to be not nice? Am I doomed?
YoYo Switch
Banned
ok perhaps i should have phrased this seriously.
When a girl thinks of me as silly, part of me thinks that means "I will never date you"
Don't know if i'm overreacting or not.
When a girl thinks of me as silly, part of me thinks that means "I will never date you"
Don't know if i'm overreacting or not.
SMT
this show is not Breaking Bad why is it not Breaking Bad? it should be Breaking Bad dammit Breaking Bad
If that's you in the picture. Woah! Attractive brother. You aren't making any friends because you aren't assertive. The only way you would make friends is if you had a gun put to your head in a répétitive exposure environment, otherwise known as 'high school'.
To simulate this experience again, because you don't seem to have the grapes to go out and make friends by yourself as you probably feel like you are bothering people and lack any interesting traits, I suggest you take a course at the local university and try to make friends the good old fashion way.
The reasons why girlfriends and friends don't stick is because you have a negative schema about yourself, just look at the way you described yourself like a tragedy.
You need to revisit yourself in a mirror, and write-down all your positive traits, only then will you be able to positvely describe your self; only then will you be able to make friends and lovers while feeling a sense of positive contribution on your part.
You lack self-esteem, that's the reality, there's nothing you can do until you see the good of your own person.
Dr Duncan Steel
Member
I generally feel the same way
Nice and Sweet also elicit the same response from me.
Devolution
Member
Don't count yourself out if she thinks you're silly. Honestly.
Don't.
She wants the D.
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
You dun fucked up.
stn
Member
Is that you in your avatar? You're quite handsome, you won't have any problems meeting women. Go out and enjoy life, they'll come to you eventually.
Look your best, make her regret leaving you. Put on your finest make-up and hottest dress with high heels.
today i felt like crawling under a rock and dying.
standing outside of class waiting on the professor to come open the room. its me, one of my best friends and like 6 other girls (class is all girls except me)
one of my best friends, in front of the girls in my class, called me her "gay best friend"
*cue 6 heads snapping towards me in shock*
i could've strangled her right there.
she tried to apologize and explain (her explanation was beyond idiotic btw) what she meant, but it didn't help. i cant remember a time that ive ever felt lower. it was so embarrassing. the only saving grace is that the few girls i actually give a shit about impressing werent there to hear it.
maybe im paranoid.
standing outside of class waiting on the professor to come open the room. its me, one of my best friends and like 6 other girls (class is all girls except me)
one of my best friends, in front of the girls in my class, called me her "gay best friend"
*cue 6 heads snapping towards me in shock*
i could've strangled her right there.
she tried to apologize and explain (her explanation was beyond idiotic btw) what she meant, but it didn't help. i cant remember a time that ive ever felt lower. it was so embarrassing. the only saving grace is that the few girls i actually give a shit about impressing werent there to hear it.
maybe im paranoid.
stn
Member
Orrrr, why not use it to your advantage? Go up to whichever girl there and say, "Hey, sorry about last time. I'm not actually gay." Then make a joke out of it. It definitely sucks but you shouldn't give up because of it!
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