Rumors? Really? You guys aren't 13 anymore, I hope.
Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
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The Last Wizard
Member
So I got the girls number today, she texted me like an hour ago and we've been talking a bit. Should I call her and ask her out for tomorrow or should I wait till tomorrow? I don;t want to come off like I'm rushing.
ThanksVision
Member
those simplepickup class vids are kinda sweet. The note idea is wicked, but it doesn't really work well for class where people are taking notes
SMT
this show is not Breaking Bad why is it not Breaking Bad? it should be Breaking Bad dammit Breaking Bad
Talk about cock-block... Wow. Respond with : that's not what you said last night, cheri. Wink your eye.
Think on your feet.
This might be too much of a diary entry but fuck it.
Over the past couple of years I've been searching for ways to improve myself and therefore my romantic options, and it's been weird.
In the not-so-distant-past I got very into "Game." I had experimented with it before, mostly the con-artist bullshit like Neil Strauss/Mystery Method, but always reverted back to my natural state as a beta male. I finally got tired of it and have been consciously working toward making myself more assertive and outgoing and not just a nice, boring guy. I've learned there's a difference between being a nice guy and a "nice guy."
That said, I now have a somewhat negative opinion of the PUA scene, but I think it was necessary for me to spend some time in that social circle to learn what advice to take out of it without becoming a mindless sexist as so many who go down that path do. Most of the good things you can take out of Game are simply basic social dynamics. Too many of those guys don't value relationships or women, only sex. I have nothing against sex, but for me it needs to be meaningful -- that is, with someone I care for. I value relationships, but at the same time I think I'm learning how to not overvalue them. There's a balance, as I learned when reflecting upon my last relationship, which was two and a half years ago (!) where I started strong but became far too needy and promptly got dumped.
I now have a new philosophy and I anticipate that it will have tremendous results not just in my love life but in my social life in general. I will simply be the best, most interesting person I can be. I will be confident yet humble, never fearing any situation but always being open to failure so I can learn how to improve. I'll be the guy who talks to everyone, has a great time no matter what, and if it rubs some people the wrong way, fine. I'll talk to girls and connect with the ones who like my vibe. I think that, when it boils down to it, getting a girl is all about having her invest emotionally in you. If you make an emotional connection with a girl, that's all you need to get your foot in the relationship door.
Too much of my life has been defined by fearing what other people might think about me. I'm ready to be my own person.
Over the past couple of years I've been searching for ways to improve myself and therefore my romantic options, and it's been weird.
In the not-so-distant-past I got very into "Game." I had experimented with it before, mostly the con-artist bullshit like Neil Strauss/Mystery Method, but always reverted back to my natural state as a beta male. I finally got tired of it and have been consciously working toward making myself more assertive and outgoing and not just a nice, boring guy. I've learned there's a difference between being a nice guy and a "nice guy."
That said, I now have a somewhat negative opinion of the PUA scene, but I think it was necessary for me to spend some time in that social circle to learn what advice to take out of it without becoming a mindless sexist as so many who go down that path do. Most of the good things you can take out of Game are simply basic social dynamics. Too many of those guys don't value relationships or women, only sex. I have nothing against sex, but for me it needs to be meaningful -- that is, with someone I care for. I value relationships, but at the same time I think I'm learning how to not overvalue them. There's a balance, as I learned when reflecting upon my last relationship, which was two and a half years ago (!) where I started strong but became far too needy and promptly got dumped.
I now have a new philosophy and I anticipate that it will have tremendous results not just in my love life but in my social life in general. I will simply be the best, most interesting person I can be. I will be confident yet humble, never fearing any situation but always being open to failure so I can learn how to improve. I'll be the guy who talks to everyone, has a great time no matter what, and if it rubs some people the wrong way, fine. I'll talk to girls and connect with the ones who like my vibe. I think that, when it boils down to it, getting a girl is all about having her invest emotionally in you. If you make an emotional connection with a girl, that's all you need to get your foot in the relationship door.
Too much of my life has been defined by fearing what other people might think about me. I'm ready to be my own person.
That is very good. I'm cheering for you from the sidelines. I don't know much about the calling/texting thing since that's where I tend to muck up at (lesson learned from past experiences, don't be needy), but I second zethren's advice. Good luck man; I'm looking forward to your updates. Remember though, talk to chicks in your other classes as well and at social events; try not to focus so much on this one chick. That way, you have a wide range of chicks that are interested (just don't wait until the end of the semester like the Simple Pick Up video 2 said).
Coincidentally, I got myself a girl's number earlier. It was the aforementioned chick that I had class with last year who I easily tower over by a solid foot and a half or so; I have to look down at her. She's easy on the eyes at the very least even though I prefer a chick who's around my height, but since she's showing interest, I may as well see where it goes even though she has class on Saturdays. It is true somebody once told me, getting a number gets easier and easier each time. I kind of awkwardly asked for it but it was direct and to the point. Onwards to getting more numbers. It was a good day as is talking to many women.
The day before, I was talking to the blonde chick that's in two of my classes (in the first class together, she sits next to a dude that she talks and leaves class with) after sitting next to her and she laughed at my jokes. Unfortunately she left in a rush for some odd reason which sucks. Not like it matters, there's other girls in that class that I can easily talk to in case that happens again on Wednesday when I see her.
On a negative note though, my friend made a bet that I couldn't talk to an attractive girl at the cafeteria and won. I made an excuse not to talk to her. Suffice to say, a dude (who didn't know her) sat on her table and that was the end of that. I told him that if we bet money, then I would do it. When he said that he was vaguely acquainted with her, I told him why he didn't go say hi to her, he say that I should do it (more like excuses; my excuses rubbed off on him). Guys, if you can talk the talk, then walk the walk; don't over think about things like I do. Guys will respect you for it. If you see a woman you really want to talk to then, go ahead and roll the dice; there's absolutely nothing to lose. Eye contact plus saying something will get you somewhere. It's something I still need to work on. I'm going to redeem myself.
It's not really a big deal and could actually work in your favor depending on how you want to play it. Regardless, adopt the mindset that your happiness and feelings aren't dependent upon what random girls think about you. Stay cool and be sociable.
In class, I think the most important thing is to be memorable. I've seen a huge improvement in how girls react to me since I've stopped playing it safe and been more playful and outspoken in class. I want them to notice and remember me. It might not connect with every girl, but I've got at least one solid option in each of my classes. Have several options at a time and figure out which one you want the most and close the deal. If that doesn't work out, you've always got something to fall back on.
MrCookiepants
Member
Not sure if this is the right place to put this. :/
How can I reject a girl and still be friends? I should probably start off by saying I'm kinda gay. The obvious solution would be to tell her that, but it would be a last resort as I'm still 95% closeted.
So today she called me twice in a row and I ignored both times. You'd think it'd be clear that I was busy or didn't want to be disturbed. But then she calls another 2 times. Then I hear message notification. After that, Facebook notification. I'm pretty annoyed at this point.
I know it's nothing important. She just wants me to get on Skype. It's very hard to escape a conversation with this girl. Once I start a Skype call I'll be trapped for hours. I've made up excuses before but she always knows I'm lying, so I've given up on that.
She has low self-esteem. When she thinks another guy is trying to flirt with her she'll respond with hostility because I guess she thinks she's not worth it or something. But for some reason she's taken a liking to me. I know how hard it must have been for her to let someone in. That's why I'm afraid of hurting her.
How can I reject a girl and still be friends? I should probably start off by saying I'm kinda gay. The obvious solution would be to tell her that, but it would be a last resort as I'm still 95% closeted.
So today she called me twice in a row and I ignored both times. You'd think it'd be clear that I was busy or didn't want to be disturbed. But then she calls another 2 times. Then I hear message notification. After that, Facebook notification. I'm pretty annoyed at this point.
I know it's nothing important. She just wants me to get on Skype. It's very hard to escape a conversation with this girl. Once I start a Skype call I'll be trapped for hours. I've made up excuses before but she always knows I'm lying, so I've given up on that.
She has low self-esteem. When she thinks another guy is trying to flirt with her she'll respond with hostility because I guess she thinks she's not worth it or something. But for some reason she's taken a liking to me. I know how hard it must have been for her to let someone in. That's why I'm afraid of hurting her.
PFFFFF in your shoes I would have said instantly "Oh, if I'm your gay best friend now, can I see your bare breasts since I won't feel a thing?"
Going to try and keep this short, but it'll probably turn out long-ish:
Moved in with a bunch of new flatmates just under two weeks ago. We all get along really well, but me and one of the girls get along really well. However, I'm getting mixed signals. She's flirty, is comfortable to touch me during chats and such, laughs at my lame sense of humour, we get away with poking fun at each other innocently, and we already have some in-jokes that our other flatmates aren't privy to, and whenever we sit in a group she always looks to sit next to me. Other times she played it a lot cooler (especially when we met up with some of her friends from back home), and I sometimes get the impression that there's a glass ceiling to her affection towards me.
Here's the snag: She's in a long distance relationship.
I think the mixed signals tell me she's interested; she doesn't strike me as the kind who just flirts with any guy. I'm definitely interested. And I think she was playing it cool around her friends because, well, one of them is friends with her boyfriend. But I'm not sure how to go about this.
Firstly, I don't want to be a major, long-lasting source of contention between her and the boyfriend, though I'm going to assume that's unavoidable right now. I'm sure the friend I met up with has already "reported" back. When we had a chat it felt somewhat like an interrogation. I'm not a sociopath or anything, and I don't want to ruin a great relationship that she has by emotionally manipulating her or whatever, but if she's ready to move on (and if she's going through the motions with another guy, I'm going to assume she is) then I'm pretty comfortable with "stealing" her from him. So long as she doesn't string either of us on. That's not cool.
Secondly, we're flatmates, which adds a double layer of awkwardness to it. Our lease is for the next 9-10 months, so if this goes belly up then it's going to be a very bad situation.
Thirdly, I'm pretty damn nervous, it has to be said. I've definitely become more confident with women since my teens, where I was a bumbling idiot, but I'm still not at my best around them. All of my other relationships have been with utter nutbags, who have tended to make the first move on me, but I think with this girl I'm going to have to make the move myself. I'm definitely in unfamiliar territory here.
Any advice on specifics, or the situation as a whole, is welcome.
Moved in with a bunch of new flatmates just under two weeks ago. We all get along really well, but me and one of the girls get along really well. However, I'm getting mixed signals. She's flirty, is comfortable to touch me during chats and such, laughs at my lame sense of humour, we get away with poking fun at each other innocently, and we already have some in-jokes that our other flatmates aren't privy to, and whenever we sit in a group she always looks to sit next to me. Other times she played it a lot cooler (especially when we met up with some of her friends from back home), and I sometimes get the impression that there's a glass ceiling to her affection towards me.
Here's the snag: She's in a long distance relationship.
I think the mixed signals tell me she's interested; she doesn't strike me as the kind who just flirts with any guy. I'm definitely interested. And I think she was playing it cool around her friends because, well, one of them is friends with her boyfriend. But I'm not sure how to go about this.
Firstly, I don't want to be a major, long-lasting source of contention between her and the boyfriend, though I'm going to assume that's unavoidable right now. I'm sure the friend I met up with has already "reported" back. When we had a chat it felt somewhat like an interrogation. I'm not a sociopath or anything, and I don't want to ruin a great relationship that she has by emotionally manipulating her or whatever, but if she's ready to move on (and if she's going through the motions with another guy, I'm going to assume she is) then I'm pretty comfortable with "stealing" her from him. So long as she doesn't string either of us on. That's not cool.
Secondly, we're flatmates, which adds a double layer of awkwardness to it. Our lease is for the next 9-10 months, so if this goes belly up then it's going to be a very bad situation.
Thirdly, I'm pretty damn nervous, it has to be said. I've definitely become more confident with women since my teens, where I was a bumbling idiot, but I'm still not at my best around them. All of my other relationships have been with utter nutbags, who have tended to make the first move on me, but I think with this girl I'm going to have to make the move myself. I'm definitely in unfamiliar territory here.
Any advice on specifics, or the situation as a whole, is welcome.
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
She likes the attention and you're the quickest, easiest source. Maybe she likes you, maybe she doesn't, either way it gets messy if you go for it. But sometimes you say fuck it and do it anyway. Why? Well, you know exactly why. My personal advice, go for it, even if it becomes a giant mess you at least lived a little and have a story for gaf.
Yeah, I suspected she may be doing it for just the attention, and I don't know her well enough to say she wouldn't, but I keep telling myself there's more to it than just that. But yeah, you're right, I should probably go for it. If there's one thing I've always wanted, it's a story for GAF. 
Gotta show some stones methinks.
Thinking I may ask her out for lunch or dinner sometime this weekend.
Gotta show some stones methinks.
Thinking I may ask her out for lunch or dinner sometime this weekend.
how do I change the incepted idea that most women will find me repulsive no matter how much I work out or how much money I have ?
it's a psychological thing, I've gotten tons of numbers before and sure have had some luck with sex here and there
been in a couple of shitty dramatic relationships also
but I almost push them away in the end (just about everyone in general)
I hate myself too much, I am full of seething hate for myself
I even begin to question myself, why are you even spending time with me ?
I am the worst person in the entire world... type of deal
halp gaf...
I go on dates and shit but this is always constantly in the back of my mind
I always think of the worst imaginable outcome for nearly every scenario in life
and as of late I can't even begin to be asked to give a fuck about sex or dating
it's gotten to the point where I see a pretty girl and I ask myself why would I even fucking bother....
how do I stop hating myself ?
it's a psychological thing, I've gotten tons of numbers before and sure have had some luck with sex here and there
been in a couple of shitty dramatic relationships also
but I almost push them away in the end (just about everyone in general)
I hate myself too much, I am full of seething hate for myself
I even begin to question myself, why are you even spending time with me ?
I am the worst person in the entire world... type of deal
halp gaf...
I go on dates and shit but this is always constantly in the back of my mind
I always think of the worst imaginable outcome for nearly every scenario in life
and as of late I can't even begin to be asked to give a fuck about sex or dating
it's gotten to the point where I see a pretty girl and I ask myself why would I even fucking bother....
how do I stop hating myself ?
NeOak
Member
Get professional help.
when you wake up look into the mirror and play this http://youtu.be/8ZdzY9TGu1c
and then i think of this quote by miyamoto-san ^_^
videogame jesus said:
hope that helps you on your journeys ~sagooiiii~
Is it true that girls can know a man's penis size just by talking to him a few minutes?. I heard that and find it quite possible
Girls have very accurate confidence/fear sensors, so they may associate big penis with confidence. It might make sense, since big penis = high testosterone levels at birth, high T also makes you more confident, aggresive
.
I think confidence is 100% determined by biologycal factors such as T levels, so it would be a good idea to juice+gym in order to raise T levels
Girls have very accurate confidence/fear sensors, so they may associate big penis with confidence. It might make sense, since big penis = high testosterone levels at birth, high T also makes you more confident, aggresive
And doctors say that it makes you bald
I think confidence is 100% determined by biologycal factors such as T levels, so it would be a good idea to juice+gym in order to raise T levels
umm.. what?
So that's why I have such a thick and lush head of hair.
FallingEdge
Member
That statement makes perfect sense and I see nothing wrong with it.
The Last Wizard
Member
Damn I should've scheduled a coffee date with her last night for this morning, as a result I just found out that she's finished class before I expected.
I think I'll invite her out later problem is I dot know what to do now-_- we'd have I find a good meet spot considering we live in different boroughs.
I'm over thinking this...
I think I'll invite her out later problem is I dot know what to do now-_- we'd have I find a good meet spot considering we live in different boroughs.
I'm over thinking this...
The Last Wizard
Member
for today?
The Last Wizard
Member
Ok some I'm gonna say "wanna grab something to eat later?"
I was thinking I could take her for burgers and then walk to a park.
Or should I include the word date in there?
I was thinking I could take her for burgers and then walk to a park.
Or should I include the word date in there?
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
Fuck the walk just go eat and relax.
install positive beliefs with affirmations
get rid of negative subconscious beliefs with something like sound healing. (solfeggio tones)
BackdoorBeauty
Member
Girls don't want assholes, they want someone who can stand up for themselves, and they can respect. They want a man.
Imagine this guy.. "Um, a thousand pardons, excuse me, I hate to interrupt you, but do you mind terribly if I ask you out on a date?"
BackdoorBeauty
Member
"Wanna grab something to eat later" sounds floppy and weak, with no clear time set. Remove ambiguity from the situation by clearly stating what you want.
Rephrase: "Hey, what are you doing at 5? Lets get some burgers and go for a walk."
If she can't at 5, her response will be "5 is no good, how about tomorrow at 3?" If she doesn't take that opportunity to reschedule for another time, then she isn't interested and you simply move on.
Perspicacity
Banned
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
Well, all you have to do is ask Wreckage if he got with the girl or not.
Vermillion
Banned
Where's the first success story at? Thought he would've posted it by now.
I have been dating a girl for a month but I wouldn't call it OH YEAH SUCCESS, because it's just a natural progression of things. I feel incredibly lucky though because she is a sweet person but it's only a month, who knows what future holds for both of us. I really like her though.
Vermillion
Banned
I was talking about someone specific, but that's very nice as well. Hope it continues to go well!
Ah I see, I just peeked in the thread to see how things are going.
I feel like I'm on this border between friendship and something more with a friend of mine.
Tonight's the first time in ages I had dinner with a girl solo. We had a good time, and we saw a movie after. I let her take control of my car music (controlled by my iPod) in between locations. She found my music selection just fine. It was just good times.
Nothing to contribute, just thought I'd share.
Tonight's the first time in ages I had dinner with a girl solo. We had a good time, and we saw a movie after. I let her take control of my car music (controlled by my iPod) in between locations. She found my music selection just fine. It was just good times.
Nothing to contribute, just thought I'd share.
Brief little update on my dating life:
Roughly 3 weeks ago I got a text message from a girl who I'd been briefly seeing/fooling around with this summer. She decided to end it after 2-3 weeks with the excuse that she has "a fear of commitment". I told her that I though it was a shame, wished her the best of luck with her life and never talked again. So needless to say I was surprised to see her popping up on my phone 2 months later. We briefly chatted a bit, catching up. Then 3 days later I messaged her asking if she wanted to grab a drink and catch up face to face. She agreed, on the condition it was not a date. I accepted. We grabbed a drink the next Sunday and just as had been the case in the summer, I felt that we connected well, despite being two vastly different people. By the end of the night I found myself completely attracted to her again, but (stupidly) I held on to the notion that it was a friendly drink and nothing more, so I didn't take action and figured that that would be that for the time being.
The next morning she texted me at work saying she had a fun time with me again. And ever since we've been texting on and off (sometimes 3-5 days inbetween). Her nearly always initializing the conversation. Deliberate on my part, because I want to see if she really cares about maintaining contact.
So this Monday I decided it would be fun to unexpectedly ask her out for sushi after work. She loved the idea, but declined due to a lack of money, but insisted that we would get sushi once she had gotten paid. Yesterday she texted me if I wanted to grab sushi on Sunday which needless to say, I agreed to. My intention is to see if I can get a spark going during after dinner. Or at least that was the plan, until I found out she made a dating profile this morning on a dating site that I'm also on (she popped up between the matches). I'm kind of bummed and conflicted now. Especially knowing that her inbox will fill up with tons of potential "new" dates this weekend.
I'll probably just try to make a move tomorrow and see where it lands me. I have no interest in maintaining a strictly platonic friendship. So I might as well go for broke.
Roughly 3 weeks ago I got a text message from a girl who I'd been briefly seeing/fooling around with this summer. She decided to end it after 2-3 weeks with the excuse that she has "a fear of commitment". I told her that I though it was a shame, wished her the best of luck with her life and never talked again. So needless to say I was surprised to see her popping up on my phone 2 months later. We briefly chatted a bit, catching up. Then 3 days later I messaged her asking if she wanted to grab a drink and catch up face to face. She agreed, on the condition it was not a date. I accepted. We grabbed a drink the next Sunday and just as had been the case in the summer, I felt that we connected well, despite being two vastly different people. By the end of the night I found myself completely attracted to her again, but (stupidly) I held on to the notion that it was a friendly drink and nothing more, so I didn't take action and figured that that would be that for the time being.
The next morning she texted me at work saying she had a fun time with me again. And ever since we've been texting on and off (sometimes 3-5 days inbetween). Her nearly always initializing the conversation. Deliberate on my part, because I want to see if she really cares about maintaining contact.
So this Monday I decided it would be fun to unexpectedly ask her out for sushi after work. She loved the idea, but declined due to a lack of money, but insisted that we would get sushi once she had gotten paid. Yesterday she texted me if I wanted to grab sushi on Sunday which needless to say, I agreed to. My intention is to see if I can get a spark going during after dinner. Or at least that was the plan, until I found out she made a dating profile this morning on a dating site that I'm also on (she popped up between the matches). I'm kind of bummed and conflicted now. Especially knowing that her inbox will fill up with tons of potential "new" dates this weekend.
I'll probably just try to make a move tomorrow and see where it lands me. I have no interest in maintaining a strictly platonic friendship. So I might as well go for broke.
So, I met this girl yesterday at my friends birthday party and I got her number. I want to try contacting her but idk what to say exactly. I'm not sure if I'm interested in her yet and would probably like to get to know her better before doing anything. Is this the right move or am I doing this wrong?
Also, what are the general tips of talking to people at school that's in a separate program from you? I've seen this girl around and would try talking to her but I never know what to say to "break the ice" >__> lol
EDIT - Also, can someone define being "boring"
Also, what are the general tips of talking to people at school that's in a separate program from you? I've seen this girl around and would try talking to her but I never know what to say to "break the ice" >__> lol
EDIT - Also, can someone define being "boring"
I got dumped about a month ago, and I´m struggling to get over her. I´ve been going out with other girls, been a lot with my friends, etc; generally tried to be really social in hope of forgetting about her. But it hasn´t worked. I´ve been dumped once before, but it didn´t affect me this way. Any tips on what I can do? Do I just have to wait it out?
"Hi, I thought you looked interesting and wanted to meet you."
Use the thing you like about her as the first subject of your conversation.
I know that it's fucking hard but I don't see how there would be any other authentic way to do this.
Collecting fun and happiness instead of spreading it.
Moving abroad is something I'm definitely considering to do at some point, but I don't think I'd want to do it as a long-term thing. Mainly because I don't think I could fully leave everything behind, but for a few years? Sure. I definitely do like the idea behind a reset of some sorts, and that would help.
My mum actually moved abroad at my age and said it was one of the best things she ever did, and said the added life experience was valuable. Whatever happens however I still aim to go traveling alone in a few years, because I could really see that improving me as a person as well.
Anyway I'm not sure what it is, but I'm admittedly having a lot of trouble with my libido at the moment. I'm not sure if my body has essentially given up, or because I'm worried about a lot of things, but it's really getting me down.
I simply don't care about women anymore, and that does worry me.
Hm, I was thinking of asking her some sort of question like "Hey, would you happen to know when reading week is?" or something similar. Because wouldn't saying that she looked interesting and that I wanted to meet her rub off as a bit "creepy" or whatever?
Hm, I was wondering this because one of my female friends says I'm boring? Even though I'm one of the more energetic and make jokes to lighten the mood all the time (which my friends generally seem to enjoy). Maybe her definition of boring is different lol
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