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[Antagon]

Jipan, you asked her out? Then pay for it. If you don't have a lot of money, just keep the date cheap and go for a walk afterwards instead of bar hopping.

 

[Aruarian Reflection]

Got rejected yesterday by a girl I really liked. Met her about a month ago at a super busy hospital rotation (I'm an intern resident, she's a 4th year med student). We happened to have two more weeks together this month at a more relaxed clinic rotation. Last week I asked her to carpool with me, had a nice chat in my car. Since we only had a half-day that day, I asked her to have lunch with me and had a really great, flowing conversation for over an hour. I was a bit flirty but didn't over-do it since she's a little shy and I didn't want to come on too strong. Got her GoogleChat email and chatted with her very briefly that night. She wasn't much of a chatter, frequently AFK. Before going to sleep, I told her I had fun and thought she was really cute. She laughed and said she had fun also.

She seemed a little colder the next few days at work. Polite, sure, but I was disappointed since I thought the lunch went so well. She denied a second carpool saying that she didn't want me to go out of the way to pick her up. No initiative with online chatting either. This would be my last week working with her and I would probably never see her again, so yesterday I psyched myself up and said I wanted to talk with her in private after work, then told her that I liked her and asked her out. I knew it wasn't going to go well just by how she's been the past few days, so I wasn't surprised when she rejected me. Believe me, I had been miserable the past week because I genuinely thought that she liked me and was really bummed when I realized I had misinterpreted her. So when I heard the actual rejection yesterday, I've already been anticipating it for a few days and it didn't sting that badly.

And I was a little proud of myself. I've never been this direct with a girl before, nor have I moved this quickly (glacial for some of you guys, but this was fast for me). I feel like if I go for it more often and am more direct, over time the rejections won't even bother me anymore. Little steps...

 

[Fou-Lu]

Finally managed to get through to this insanely shy girl in one of my classes, she's cute and nerdy, so I'll see where it goes. (Hopefully somewhere good) I just realized I could see her being a GAF member, so I'll end this post here just in case.

 

[zethren]

Finally managed to get through to this insanely shy girl in one of my classes, she's cute and nerdy, so I'll see where it goes. (Hopefully somewhere good) I just realized I could see her being a GAF member, so I'll end this post here just in case.

Go on about how my eyes sparkle when I smile, Ichor.

Whoops.

 

[Jhoan]

No techniques, just focus in having a good time and showing her a good time as well.

Enjoy the butterflies.

As for finding excuses to touch her playing pool, you could just jokingly nudge her (lightly, of course) if she is beating you or something.

Again, your focus is on havin a good time. She'll be having a good time if you are relaxed and enjoying the evening.

Funny thing is she's telling me that he has to live up to the hype. The pressure seems to be on her. I told her to think of it less like she's meeting Nathan Filion (she's a massive Firefly fan since I met her during the said panel) and more like meeting a local celebrity. I'm definitely going to relax and take it easy. This is good stuff. I'm sure it's going to go well.

Jipan, you asked her out? Then pay for it. If you don't have a lot of money, just keep the date cheap and go for a walk afterwards instead of bar hopping.

I did, but she picked the place, but still. That sounds pretty good especially since I want to get to know the area more than anything else and maybe sit somewhere quiet where we can talk afterwards.

Thanks guys. I appreciate it. I'll go back to lurking and answer any other questions that anyone might have. Otherwise, I'll post some time while I'm on my way. Don't worry, I won't be posting during the date in the bathroom unlike a couple of people have done in the past.

 

[Fou-Lu]

Go on about how my eyes sparkle when I smile, Ichor.

Whoops.

You're a dude, dude.

 

[zethren]

Hope you have a great time, Jipan. Sounds promising.

You're a dude, dude.

The jig appears to be up.

 

[PumpkinPie]

This is probably the wrong place to post, but I just wanted to talk about it because it's making me feel shit at the moment:

I posted in another thread about how I just started seeing this girl and she's amazing. She talks A LOT, which I don't mind at all, and she has the tendency to say funny/ random/ weird things because of the sheer amount of words coming out of her mouth. Anyway, last night she was telling me a 'funny' story about how she got caught on camera a few months ago by the manager talking about him, saying she'd love him to bend her over the desk and plough her.

Now this happened long before we were dating, but I said to her I didn't think it was really an appropriate story to tell. We didn't fight or fall out, we just changed the conversation, but I still feel like shit about it. Am I just overreacting or what? Would you tell your partners about sexual desires you had about other people??

I feel weird

 

[zethren]

I think you're right to "feel weird" about it. If you guys are exclusive, it's my opinion that yes it's a bit innappropriate. I wouldn't get too uppity with her about it, but like I said there's nothing wrong with feeling weird about hearing her say that.

Honestly I wouldn't do anything more. Don't mention it again, or anything. If it didn't bother her that much, just move on and forget about it. Might never come up again.

Edit: sorry, my exclusive comment wasn't taking into account that you mentioned she thought/said this before you were dating.

I definitely wouldn't put too much thought into this. You can't control who someone was before they were with you, and the important thing is that she is with you right now and not him. Don't worry too much.

 

[PumpkinPie]

Thanks, I'm not jealous about it or anything like that, I just found it weird that she'd talk about that kind of thing with me. I just really wanted to get it out there and tell someone because it was playing on my mind. As I said she does have a tendency to get a bit carried away when she's talking, she did apologise for it afterwards.

 

[zethren]

No problem man and hey, she trusts you enough to be open with something like that. And she was being open with you. That's a good thing.

Again, don't sweat it I say.

 

[cornontheCoD]

Improve your personal state of being and a date will come along in time. You'll magnetically attract one just by the natural course of living your life.

While this is nice advice for most people, I'm curious what your advice would be for people who work in industries without many women, and are introverted, like myself.

 

[Burger]

While this is nice advice for most people, I'm curious what your advice would be for people who work in industries without many women, and are introverted, like myself.

Do things. Learn a language after hours. Take up martial arts. Join any number of social events that you can do after work or during the weekends. The list is endless.

If you are the type of person who goes to work, comes home, watches TV, and bums around the house or spends the weekend alone then you have greatly reduced the chances of meeting somebody.

 

[Minamu]

While this is nice advice for most people, I'm curious what your advice would be for people who work in industries without many women, and are introverted, like myself.

There are literally 3 billion women here with us. Working in an industry without any women is a poor excuse. And continuing to be introverted is a choice unless you have a proven medical condition. And either way, it's not like there's only extroverted guys who gets laid.

 

[Moz La Punk]

Something´s grinding my gears and I need an outlet, so I´m going to post it here. Its about ex girlfriends, so if you dont have any interest in that, skip my post.

Me and my ex broke up about two months ago after two years of a pretty intense relationship. With lots of passion but also lots of arguments, semi break ups and what not. At first I was devastated that we stopped for good but after a few weeks I started to feel a lot better and saw we weren´t compatible at all. For starters, she´s 20 and I´m 28. She also tried to manipulate me a lot in the relationship, threatening to leave me or to walk out when I didn´t do this or that. At the end of the relationship, she complained about every little detail of what i did wrong.

So, I´m better off for sure.

We agreed no contact, and that was working out fine. I started hanging out with old friends, making new ones, also a lot of new female friends, with some obvious lover material here and there. Been on a few dates with some different girls as well, actually have another one sceduled tomorrow. No troubles here.

However, the shit started again when she started to email me last weekend. We go out at the same place, theres no way around that, and she said she saw how much fun I was having with one particular lady. This is not her business and we agreed on no contact, so I ignored the mail. Cue the day after, when she starts emailing again, and after that sends me some messages on my phone. I keep ignoring it. The day after, she tries calling me three times. I ignore it.

So on monday I cave in and I say I dont want any contact. She keeps up the contact (at a low pace) for the rest of the week though and I react very short and uninterested. Of course Im not a robot, I dont feel completely nothing, but I don´t want to show her my feelings or get back together, so I keep it all very general.

So this morning she contacted me again, said she dreamed about me three straight nights in a row. I say, oh, thats too bad, I dont dream about you at all. She then says yeah, the dreams are bad and comfirm my feelings, you´re not a kind guy in my dreams. Im like, ok why do I have to know this. She says she is breaking off contact again to stop the dreams. Okay... I don´t really care but why start contacting me in the first place then! I just say, alright, bye.

Is the trying to get attention from me, trying to make me feel bad or whatever... its not really working though, but still, its on my mind now so I guess she somewhat succeeded. Im just going to go on ignoring her, or giving very standard short answers if by any chance she starts talking again, which Im pretty sure she will eventually, and keep up living the good life Ive been living the past couple of weeks.

Ahh, why cant people just leave each other alone when its over.

 

[I'm an expert]

Sounds like she needs to come on gaf so we can tell her to stop fuckin talkin to her ex. You're handling it like a pro. If anything, you should have blocked her to be thorough.

 

[Moz La Punk]

Sounds like she needs to come on gaf so we can tell her to stop fuckin talkin to her ex. You're handling it like a pro. If anything, you should have blocked her to be thorough.

Let me assure you that I was anything but a pro in the mini break ups leading up to the big one. During those small break ups, I was the one semi stalking her. I thought she was the one, couldn´t be without her, etc. Then coming back to her was the biggest mistake I made. You become so insecure and it didnt help she started having all these demands of what I should and shouldnt do, how to dress and do my hair, how to treat her, and if i didnt do it she often threatened to dump me. You really lose your selfrespect and identity in such a situation. Never beg a girl back, because there´s a chance she´ll agree and then you´re in for a painful ride straight to hell.

Anyway once she dumped me for good I decided that enough was enough and I didnt want to fall in any pits that I used to fall in.

We are a classic case of attrack and push away, when were apart we felt the need to be together and when we were together for a while we started to practically kill each other, haha.

I feel relieved in that you say Im handling it well, but from the inside it still hurts sometimes of course. But seeing how social I can be again, how many old friends are happy that I´m rid of her (according to them she was altering my personality in a negative way), makes me feel good and happy that we´re done. At the same time I also know that I still have a weakness for her and lord knows, if she tries enough she might eventually get me again.

But Im guessing she´s just trying to make me feel miserable to make herself feel better. Which is exactly why Im not letting any of my feelings show and just have a good time! I just have to make sure that by the time she tries to get me back (if she does that) I have to be strong enough to just laugh it away!

 

[I'm an expert]

She's made her intentions clear. She saw you having fun with another female. Someone else is pissing on her territory. That's all it is. Once she knows she can piss on you again, she will, and then run off.

 

[Moz La Punk]

She's made her intentions clear. She saw you having fun with another female. Someone else is pissing on her territory. That's all it is. Once she knows she can piss on you again, she will, and then run off.

This is exactly what I´m thinking. Thanks man, I needed that. I´m just glad I showed her she can´t piss on me again, haha! I would feel so bad about myself.

 

[Blader]

So this morning she contacted me again, said she dreamed about me three straight nights in a row. I say, oh, thats too bad, I dont dream about you at all.

hahahahaha

That's great.

 

[Moz La Punk]

hahahahaha

That's great.

I´m just feeding her back what she´s been stuffing me with all this time.

I have another example of the manipulating. Earlier this week when I started to talk back in a casual way, she said she was home alone and she didnt know what to eat, wondered what I was eating.

So I just say what I was planning to eat.

She then says, yes in the old days we used to go out for dinner.

I say, yes, yes we did.

She says, that would be nice, to go out for dinner.

I say yes, you could do that, but anyway Im going now, Im out for drinks.

She says, oh, a girlfriend asked me to go out for drinks too, I might do that.

I say, ok, do that, Im not going to the same pub you´re going tonight anyway.

She says, oh, well I changed my mind. Im going to invite someone over and go out to dinner with him.

I say, ok.

End of conversation. Its this shit I had to put up with for two years. Trying to manipulate me, using negativity, things that might hurt me, to gain what she wants. Fuck. That. Shit.

 

[Chinner]

if what your text above is a typical example of your converstations pre and post break-up shes doing some mad manipulating, self-validating and jealously stirring.

why are you even replying bro.

 

[Moz La Punk]

if what your text above is a typical example of your converstations pre and post break-up shes doing some mad manipulating, self-validating and jealously stirring.

why are you even replying bro.

This is an example of a conversation that could be pre and post break up, with the only difference is that I now act like I dont give a shit (as you can see in the convo), wereas when we were together I would try to make her happy any way possible.

As for why I´m still replying... old habits die hard. Its difficult this self control thing man. But I know I should stop replying. Lets just hope she keeps her promise of not contacting again, but I´ll believe it when I see it.

 

[I'm an expert]

Yeah.. at this point just block her. Phone, internet, mind. The end.

 

[Moz La Punk]

Yeah.. at this point just block her. Phone, internet, mind. The end.

FB was already blocked, I should block her on my phone too yes. I guess in the future I can still look forward to mails and calls. At least I can get her number blocked if she starts calling me.

Anyway, I´ll keep you guys updated on the situation, so I can vent when I need to and at least it can provide some entertainment, and life lessons for other people in the same situation, heh.

 

[Darklord]

I thought I'd get some input with a friend of mine(yes, really a friend). About a year ago he met this girl(let's call her Amy), he really liked her and they ended up sleeping together a lot at the start. The thing is she seemed to want to keep it as friends with benefits but over the year they kept getting closer. They were talking every day, staying over at each others places, had dinner together, bought presents, ect. He really fell for her and to me, she fell for him too.
To me they were in a relationship. He wanted to make it official(about 6 months after they met) but Amy said no. They were virtually dating as it was at that point anyway. She said they were "only friends" yet always wanted to talk to him every night. My bullshit radar went off when I saw a girl go up to my friend at a bar and they started chatting. Amy got incredibly jealous and pretty much dragged him away. So she wanted to just be friends but also not let him flirt with other girls too....yeah.
At that point I told him to end it, he was foolish and was blinded by liking her so much and thought that meant she really did want a relationship and went after it again. It failed. Hard. They ended up having a big fight and ended it. Then about two weeks later she starts being in a relationship with another guy and really, he's one of those people you'd think "Him?! ...but why?". Now he's all down and sad because this girl he pretty much fell in love with pretty much let the whole thing end because "she doesn't want a relationship" but then went right into one when he stopped talking to her every night.

Now, to top it off. She wants to be friends with him. I'd say cut all ties NOW with her but she's also very entangled in our general group of friends and people we know and we run into her and her friends a lot. Should he cut all ties anyway?

 

[LosDaddie]

Is the trying to get attention from me, trying to make me feel bad or whatever... .

She is, and most likely because she saw you with another woman. Jealousy can be a real mindfuck.

Should he cut all ties anyway?

Tell your "friend" that he should admit to himself that she's got new dick, and he should break all ties unless he's fine about hearing about the new guy in her life

 

[Omegasquash]

I thought I'd get some input with a friend of mine(yes, really a friend). About a year ago he met this girl(let's call her Amy), he really liked her and they ended up sleeping together a lot at the start. The thing is she seemed to want to keep it as friends with benefits but over the year they kept getting closer. They were talking every day, staying over at each others places, had dinner together, bought presents, ect. He really fell for her and to me, she fell for him too.
To me they were in a relationship. He wanted to make it official(about 6 months after they met) but Amy said no. They were virtually dating as it was at that point anyway. She said they were "only friends" yet always wanted to talk to him every night. My bullshit radar went off when I saw a girl go up to my friend at a bar and they started chatting. Amy got incredibly jealous and pretty much dragged him away. So she wanted to just be friends but also not let him flirt with other girls too....yeah.
At that point I told him to end it, he was foolish and was blinded by liking her so much and thought that meant she really did want a relationship and went after it again. It failed. Hard. They ended up having a big fight and ended it. Then about two weeks later she starts being in a relationship with another guy and really, he's one of those people you'd think "Him?! ...but why?". Now he's all down and sad because this girl he pretty much fell in love with pretty much let the whole thing end because "she doesn't want a relationship" but then went right into one when he stopped talking to her every night.

Now, to top it off. She wants to be friends with him. I'd say cut all ties NOW with her but she's also very entangled in our general group of friends and people we know and we run into her and her friends a lot. Should he cut all ties anyway?

Take it for what it is, and see other women. If she says she wasn't in a relationship, then your friend wasn't either. And the other dude is a rebound. Keep socializing, being at parties, get togethers, etc.

 

[Darklord]

Take it for what it is, and see other women. If she says she wasn't in a relationship, then your friend wasn't either. And the other dude is a rebound. Keep socializing, being at parties, get togethers, etc.

I'm trying to get him to see other women but he's in that "she was really special" phase and almost self sabotaging. I'm helping him hook up with a penthouse model and he's still down. :\

 

[Omegasquash]

I'm trying to get him to see other women but he's in that "she was really special" phase and almost self sabotaging. I'm helping him hook up with a penthouse model and he's still down. :\

I'm sure he appreciates your help, but he's got to swallow a hard truth...she wasn't really special. Maybe good in the sack. Non-commitment stuff usually is.

 

[jasonng]

Got rejected yesterday by a girl I really liked. Met her about a month ago at a super busy hospital rotation (I'm an intern resident, she's a 4th year med student). We happened to have two more weeks together this month at a more relaxed clinic rotation. Last week I asked her to carpool with me, had a nice chat in my car. Since we only had a half-day that day, I asked her to have lunch with me and had a really great, flowing conversation for over an hour. I was a bit flirty but didn't over-do it since she's a little shy and I didn't want to come on too strong. Got her GoogleChat email and chatted with her very briefly that night. She wasn't much of a chatter, frequently AFK. Before going to sleep, I told her I had fun and thought she was really cute. She laughed and said she had fun also.

She seemed a little colder the next few days at work. Polite, sure, but I was disappointed since I thought the lunch went so well. She denied a second carpool saying that she didn't want me to go out of the way to pick her up. No initiative with online chatting either. This would be my last week working with her and I would probably never see her again, so yesterday I psyched myself up and said I wanted to talk with her in private after work, then told her that I liked her and asked her out. I knew it wasn't going to go well just by how she's been the past few days, so I wasn't surprised when she rejected me. Believe me, I had been miserable the past week because I genuinely thought that she liked me and was really bummed when I realized I had misinterpreted her. So when I heard the actual rejection yesterday, I've already been anticipating it for a few days and it didn't sting that badly.

And I was a little proud of myself. I've never been this direct with a girl before, nor have I moved this quickly (glacial for some of you guys, but this was fast for me). I feel like if I go for it more often and am more direct, over time the rejections won't even bother me anymore. Little steps...

You should be proud. You hung out with her and asked her out. She said no and now you're moving on. No mulling over, no "I've been talking to this girl for months and I still haven't asked her out" bullshit, none of that time and energy wasted on a girl who wasn't interested in you. You took it and you went about your life. That's the way it should be.

To me, this is a success story because you get it.

 

[Oxn]

Oh boy, I have my first date in over a year on Saturday at 6pm with the chick that I initiated conversation with and "picked up" at Comic Con; I'm kind of nervous anticipating it. We're playing pool at the chick's neighborhood which I've never been to. She seems to be really excited saying that she has to prepare and what not. My came through for me by playing the role of Romeo for a bit in order to land myself the date. I'm keeping my expectations very low; whatever happens, happens (I've never made out with a chick before though but I know the 90/10 rule as well as several ways/moments to go for it). I need to relax and not think about it. My mother told me to think of it as if I was going to meet up to talk with her. I'm going to have to shave the armpits seeing as I sweat excessively from there from anxiety; completely sanitize myself and clip all the nails. My biggest fear is that I'm going to smell like BO when I take off my jacket.

I know this is purely subjective and comes down to individual preference, but does anybody think I should pay for the stuff or go Dutch? My friend told me he pays half; my brother told me he pays for the whole thing; my mother told me it's typically guys that would pay for her stuff. I don't know what to do especially since I don't a lot of dough; something like 80 something bucks in the wallet and another 80 something bucks in the debit card. I'm not planning on blowing all of it on one date seeing as I have to go to the barbershop later today as well as buy subway fare and gum. I was thinking if we go bar hopping, then I'll buy her a drink or two.

I have a few more questions for you guys. How do you calm yourself down before the date? What techniques do you use? Lastly, when playing pool, how do you find the excuse to touch your date? Would it be when she's using the stick or teach her how to hold the stick? Thank you so much guys (please don't ignore my post). I'm going to go out, have fun, and get to know a new area in the process as well as focus on the chick.

Why do you have so little money?

 

[RedNalgene]

I'm trying to get him to see other women but he's in that "she was really special" phase and almost self sabotaging. I'm helping him hook up with a penthouse model and he's still down. :\

He had feelings for her, she didn't have feelings for him. He's dealing with feeling like being "dumped" but at the end of the day she was NEVER interested in him, so in reality he never had a chance with her.

FB was already blocked, I should block her on my phone too yes. I guess in the future I can still look forward to mails and calls. At least I can get her number blocked if she starts calling me.

Anyway, I´ll keep you guys updated on the situation, so I can vent when I need to and at least it can provide some entertainment, and life lessons for other people in the same situation, heh.

Echoing what everyone else is saying - she clearly is trying to suck you back in because she wants the attention. As you've said, it was a toxic relationship and you need to move on. Don't even read her texts or emails, just delete them immediately. Don't answer your phone if she calls and don't list to voicemails. You need to just eliminate her from your life. She'll stop contacting you as long as you don't reciprocate.

 

[zethren]

You should be proud. You hung out with her and asked her out. She said no and now you're moving on. No mulling over, no "I've been talking to this girl for months and I still haven't asked her out" bullshit, none of that time and energy wasted on a girl who wasn't interested in you. You took it and you went about your life. That's the way it should be.

To me, this is a success story because you get it.

Agreed.

Went through the same thing myself a few weeks ago, Aruarian. Nice work.

 

[Jhoan]

Why do you have so little money?

I have to buy train fare ($20 a week). I also spent a decent amount of money this past weekend buying stuff and going out. I'm supposed to have a work-study but I've been procrastinating on it due to the fact that I have to get myself a new Social Security card. I also work for the student government which brings in a small amount of money. I go to school full time and was supposed to get a check for books which hasn't arrived. There a ton of other stuff such as frat dues and food but that's the gist of it.

 

[Senoculum]

Edit:

I think somehow she found this, and now she's cancelled on me...

 

[zethren]

Yeah, it all adds up pretty quickly. Once you're dating, that will be a huge expense as well. Typically.

I've never had more money than now, after being single for the last 3.5 months. Lol

 

[Future PhaZe]

We're going to Wonderland (specifically Halloween Haunt) tomorrow. Should I let her know how I feel? Should I just kiss her? She definitely values our friendship, but I'll regret not getting it off my chest before she leaves. What's there to gain? Well, I'm travelling next year and she's invited me to visit her. Maybe I can get confirmation that she feels the same way. What's the worst case scenario? She doesn't feel the same way, which will be fine, because then I know. It'll just be an awkward two months.

Her reality is closing fast, and I want to act.

Honestly, the long distance thing isn't going to work. The best you can do is smash and move on.

I would go but wouldn't act as if I was interested in her in anyway. After that slow down communication with her, let her initiate most of everything and just work on yourself. After some time if she has any interest in you at all she'll try to chat you up. This is when you ask her over for drinks tequila and tales of the crypt at your place.

If all goes well she says yes, you get to drinking, confess your love, smash, whatever and she flies out a week later or whatever and you go your seperate ways.

 

[hyduK]

The situation:
I've been hanging out with a coworker, who's on a working visa. We work on the same floor, different departments. She's actually an amazing human being, and is the single biggest inspiration for me this year. Though I summoned courage to finally talk to her in May, I had a 2.5 month trip. I've returned and so these last 3 months have been something...

I don't know how to keep the story short. But I'll try.

We started hanging out almost every weekend. In Toronto, there was almost always something to do; TIFF, Nuit Blanche, casual drinking here and there, and plus she's been to my house twice to watch movies with wine. I'm taking her to Wonderland, a theme park this saturday (she's never been to one).

But none of these were or are considered "dates."

Who she is:
Me being flirty and confident is not a problem when we're one-on-one. She's actually an alpha-female and sort of fills the assertive role when we're together. She likes hanging around males because females are too catty for her. She admits that's she's not the most sociable because she speaks her mind without thinking on the consequences. She also fears for her future, she has doubts, and among other things her imperfections make me fall for her more. I think she's not ready for a relationship... or fears commitment, as am I.

The mixed signals:
She'd compliment me often. First time she was at my place, we cuddled and held hands. During Nuit Blanche, we would hook arms and she'd lay her head on my shoulder. I'm told by friends that my influence on her is there. For example, ever since we followed each other on twitter, she'd tweet more (compare 70 tweets over a few years to an additional 40-50 in the past two months) she's used it more as a private way to converse with me. Hell, her cover photo on Facebook is Journey the game after I showed it her (she's not a gamer, but allows me to rant about em). And now her most anticipated movie is Cloud Atlas (which is mine, which I saw already with someone else). But most importantly, she mentioned how her life can be defined as two eras, before she met me, and after.


My mistakes:
Early on I was losing it because I was inviting her to almost everything I was doing. She'd flake, naturally, and I tried my best to shrug it off. I'd visit her in her office often (mine isn't secluded, it's open and shared) and we'd chat about sweet nothings. But as of late, I've ran out of things to say, I blank out. And I fear that I bore her. I've reduced the amount of visits now. I also come across as clingy perhaps, predictable too, and also "fake" as I try to impress her with my stories (which aren't.... great to begin with). And in the off chance she visits me in my office area, my social skills take a dive, because she's talking amongst coworkers who know I have a crush for her, so I tense up, try to show face, but I'm not winning. Quite frankly, I'm convinced she knows I like her without me have actually said.

At one moment when I was in her office, a lady coworker passes by and says, "hey, lovers!"

Fuck, I'm too obvious.

The conflict:
She's returning to her family in mid-December. She left behind an ex, who for some reason I believe she still has feelings... But two things:

First, she dated someone early this year but broke it off because she wasn't interested. She told him, "I was kinda already seeing someone." Which I assumed was her ex, thinking that maybe they're in an open relationship as she travels.

Second, sometime in the middle of all this, her and I and another coworker went out for drinks. He's older than the both of us. He's had his fair share of stories of past flings. And maybe it was the alcohol, maybe his stories got her hot, and maybe I was being a wallflower during the whole exchange (he was very commanding in the convo), in the end, they made out after I left for home. She hasn't told me.

This was right before the first weekend of October (our original wonderland day). My friend girl suggested I cancel on her, a taste of her own medicine. I did, and it seemingly worked as she'd tweet, "Wonderland!, When?" a few days later.

The Question:
We're going to Wonderland (specifically Halloween Haunt) tomorrow. Should I let her know how I feel? Should I just kiss her? She definitely values our friendship, but I'll regret not getting it off my chest before she leaves. What's there to gain? Well, I'm travelling next year and she's invited me to visit her. Maybe I can get confirmation that she feels the same way. What's the worst case scenario? She doesn't feel the same way, which will be fine, because then I know. It'll just be an awkward two months.

Her reality is closing fast, and I want to act.

So you went to TIFF, Nuit Blanche, had movies and wine twice at your house, and didn't make a move?

Then she made out with your coworker while you were out for casual drinks?

Sorry dude, but it sounds like you're screwed. Go for it if you like, there's not much to lose...but you probably missed the boat.

 

[grumble]

The situation:
I've been hanging out with a coworker, who's on a working visa. We work on the same floor, different departments. She's actually an amazing human being, and is the single biggest inspiration for me this year. Though I summoned courage to finally talk to her in May, I had a 2.5 month trip. I've returned and so these last 3 months have been something...

I don't know how to keep the story short. But I'll try.

We started hanging out almost every weekend. In Toronto, there was almost always something to do; TIFF, Nuit Blanche, casual drinking here and there, and plus she's been to my house twice to watch movies with wine. I'm taking her to Wonderland, a theme park this saturday (she's never been to one).

But none of these were or are considered "dates."

Who she is:
Me being flirty and confident is not a problem when we're one-on-one. She's actually an alpha-female and sort of fills the assertive role when we're together. She likes hanging around males because females are too catty for her. She admits that's she's not the most sociable because she speaks her mind without thinking on the consequences. She also fears for her future, she has doubts, and among other things her imperfections make me fall for her more. I think she's not ready for a relationship... or fears commitment, as am I.

The mixed signals:
She'd compliment me often. First time she was at my place, we cuddled and held hands. During Nuit Blanche, we would hook arms and she'd lay her head on my shoulder. I'm told by friends that my influence on her is there. For example, ever since we followed each other on twitter, she'd tweet more (compare 70 tweets over a few years to an additional 40-50 in the past two months) she's used it more as a private way to converse with me. Hell, her cover photo on Facebook is Journey the game after I showed it her (she's not a gamer, but allows me to rant about em). And now her most anticipated movie is Cloud Atlas (which is mine, which I saw already with someone else). But most importantly, she mentioned how her life can be defined as two eras, before she met me, and after.


My mistakes:
Early on I was losing it because I was inviting her to almost everything I was doing. She'd flake, naturally, and I tried my best to shrug it off. I'd visit her in her office often (mine isn't secluded, it's open and shared) and we'd chat about sweet nothings. But as of late, I've ran out of things to say, I blank out. And I fear that I bore her. I've reduced the amount of visits now. I also come across as clingy perhaps, predictable too, and also "fake" as I try to impress her with my stories (which aren't.... great to begin with). And in the off chance she visits me in my office area, my social skills take a dive, because she's talking amongst coworkers who know I have a crush for her, so I tense up, try to show face, but I'm not winning. Quite frankly, I'm convinced she knows I like her without me have actually said.

At one moment when I was in her office, a lady coworker passes by and says, "hey, lovers!"

Fuck, I'm too obvious.

The conflict:
She's returning to her family in mid-December. She left behind an ex, who for some reason I believe she still has feelings... But two things:

First, she dated someone early this year but broke it off because she wasn't interested. She told him, "I was kinda already seeing someone." Which I assumed was her ex, thinking that maybe they're in an open relationship as she travels.

Second, sometime in the middle of all this, her and I and another coworker went out for drinks. He's older than the both of us. He's had his fair share of stories of past flings. And maybe it was the alcohol, maybe his stories got her hot, and maybe I was being a wallflower during the whole exchange (he was very commanding in the convo), in the end, they made out after I left for home. She hasn't told me.

This was right before the first weekend of October (our original wonderland day). My friend girl suggested I cancel on her, a taste of her own medicine. I did, and it seemingly worked as she'd tweet, "Wonderland!, When?" a few days later.

The Question:
We're going to Wonderland (specifically Halloween Haunt) tomorrow. Should I let her know how I feel? Should I just kiss her? She definitely values our friendship, but I'll regret not getting it off my chest before she leaves. What's there to gain? Well, I'm travelling next year and she's invited me to visit her. Maybe I can get confirmation that she feels the same way. What's the worst case scenario? She doesn't feel the same way, which will be fine, because then I know. It'll just be an awkward two months.

Her reality is closing fast, and I want to act.

Well, you are in the friendzone. Breaking out is hard; usually she's dismissed you as being man enough to take charge and make a move. I'd change the dynamic of the relationship if I were you. Make your move, not via some big confession but use sexual language. Be more physical.

Frankly though, you may want to direct your efforts elsewhere.

 

[Count Dookkake]

The situation:
I've been hanging out with a coworker, who's on a working visa. We work on the same floor, different departments. She's actually an amazing human being, and is the single biggest inspiration for me this year. Though I summoned courage to finally talk to her in May, I had a 2.5 month trip. I've returned and so these last 3 months have been something...

I don't know how to keep the story short. But I'll try.

We started hanging out almost every weekend. In Toronto, there was almost always something to do; TIFF, Nuit Blanche, casual drinking here and there, and plus she's been to my house twice to watch movies with wine. I'm taking her to Wonderland, a theme park this saturday (she's never been to one).

But none of these were or are considered "dates."

Who she is:
Me being flirty and confident is not a problem when we're one-on-one. She's actually an alpha-female and sort of fills the assertive role when we're together. She likes hanging around males because females are too catty for her. She admits that's she's not the most sociable because she speaks her mind without thinking on the consequences. She also fears for her future, she has doubts, and among other things her imperfections make me fall for her more. I think she's not ready for a relationship... or fears commitment, as am I.

The mixed signals:
She'd compliment me often. First time she was at my place, we cuddled and held hands. During Nuit Blanche, we would hook arms and she'd lay her head on my shoulder. I'm told by friends that my influence on her is there. For example, ever since we followed each other on twitter, she'd tweet more (compare 70 tweets over a few years to an additional 40-50 in the past two months) she's used it more as a private way to converse with me. Hell, her cover photo on Facebook is Journey the game after I showed it her (she's not a gamer, but allows me to rant about em). And now her most anticipated movie is Cloud Atlas (which is mine, which I saw already with someone else). But most importantly, she mentioned how her life can be defined as two eras, before she met me, and after.


My mistakes:
Early on I was losing it because I was inviting her to almost everything I was doing. She'd flake, naturally, and I tried my best to shrug it off. I'd visit her in her office often (mine isn't secluded, it's open and shared) and we'd chat about sweet nothings. But as of late, I've ran out of things to say, I blank out. And I fear that I bore her. I've reduced the amount of visits now. I also come across as clingy perhaps, predictable too, and also "fake" as I try to impress her with my stories (which aren't.... great to begin with). And in the off chance she visits me in my office area, my social skills take a dive, because she's talking amongst coworkers who know I have a crush for her, so I tense up, try to show face, but I'm not winning. Quite frankly, I'm convinced she knows I like her without me have actually said.

At one moment when I was in her office, a lady coworker passes by and says, "hey, lovers!"

Fuck, I'm too obvious.

The conflict:
She's returning to her family in mid-December. She left behind an ex, who for some reason I believe she still has feelings... But two things:

First, she dated someone early this year but broke it off because she wasn't interested. She told him, "I was kinda already seeing someone." Which I assumed was her ex, thinking that maybe they're in an open relationship as she travels.

Second, sometime in the middle of all this, her and I and another coworker went out for drinks. He's older than the both of us. He's had his fair share of stories of past flings. And maybe it was the alcohol, maybe his stories got her hot, and maybe I was being a wallflower during the whole exchange (he was very commanding in the convo), in the end, they made out after I left for home. She hasn't told me.

This was right before the first weekend of October (our original wonderland day). My friend girl suggested I cancel on her, a taste of her own medicine. I did, and it seemingly worked as she'd tweet, "Wonderland!, When?" a few days later.

The Question:
We're going to Wonderland (specifically Halloween Haunt) tomorrow. Should I let her know how I feel? Should I just kiss her? She definitely values our friendship, but I'll regret not getting it off my chest before she leaves. What's there to gain? Well, I'm travelling next year and she's invited me to visit her. Maybe I can get confirmation that she feels the same way. What's the worst case scenario? She doesn't feel the same way, which will be fine, because then I know. It'll just be an awkward two months.

Her reality is closing fast, and I want to act.

Almost everything in the post bothers me. The bit about her being "actually an amazing human being, and the single biggest inspiration for [you] this year" set the tone in a particularly sickening way.

Just ask a girl out.

If she says no, move on.

If she says yes, go out and make a move.

 

[Ghost_Protocol]

You ever have those days where you wake up with confidence through the roof, and inexplicably, it disappears the next day? And then it randomly reappears a few days later?

Why the fuck does that happen?

 

[Omegasquash]

**clipped**

Dude, you're friendzoned and crushing hard. Just make a move. Worst case scenario, she says no, mid-case scenario, you guys hook up, best case scenario, she figures your worth a shot.

Don't pussyfoot around anything. A good opportunity arrives, take action. If she seems uncomfortable, do not engage.

 

[Future PhaZe]

Almost everything in the post bothers me. The bit about her being "actually an amazing human being, and the single biggest inspiration for [you] this year" set the tone in a particularly sickening way.

Just ask a girl out.

If she says no, move on.

If she says yes, go out and make a move.

Dude clearly isn't that experienced, we've all been guilty of using language like that before. Truth is we're all inspired in a huge way by women, so that's just real talk. You learn to tone that stuff down once you've added a few notches to your belt.

There's no room for asking her out at this point with her only being around for 2 months tops though.

Just try to smash.

 

[pigeon]

I've been hanging out with a coworker, who's on a working visa. We work on the same floor, different departments. She's actually an amazing human being, and is the single biggest inspiration for me this year. Though I summoned courage to finally talk to her in May, I had a 2.5 month trip. I've returned and so these last 3 months have been something...

She'd compliment me often. First time she was at my place, we cuddled and held hands. During Nuit Blanche, we would hook arms and she'd lay her head on my shoulder. I'm told by friends that my influence on her is there. For example, ever since we followed each other on twitter, she'd tweet more (compare 70 tweets over a few years to an additional 40-50 in the past two months) she's used it more as a private way to converse with me. Hell, her cover photo on Facebook is Journey the game after I showed it her (she's not a gamer, but allows me to rant about em). And now her most anticipated movie is Cloud Atlas (which is mine, which I saw already with someone else). But most importantly, she mentioned how her life can be defined as two eras, before she met me, and after.

Early on I was losing it because I was inviting her to almost everything I was doing. She'd flake, naturally, and I tried my best to shrug it off. I'd visit her in her office often (mine isn't secluded, it's open and shared) and we'd chat about sweet nothings. But as of late, I've ran out of things to say, I blank out. And I fear that I bore her. I've reduced the amount of visits now. I also come across as clingy perhaps, predictable too, and also "fake" as I try to impress her with my stories (which aren't.... great to begin with). And in the off chance she visits me in my office area, my social skills take a dive, because she's talking amongst coworkers who know I have a crush for her, so I tense up, try to show face, but I'm not winning. Quite frankly, I'm convinced she knows I like her without me have actually said.


First, she dated someone early this year but broke it off because she wasn't interested. She told him, "I was kinda already seeing someone." Which I assumed was her ex, thinking that maybe they're in an open relationship as she travels.

Second, sometime in the middle of all this, her and I and another coworker went out for drinks. He's older than the both of us. He's had his fair share of stories of past flings. And maybe it was the alcohol, maybe his stories got her hot, and maybe I was being a wallflower during the whole exchange (he was very commanding in the convo), in the end, they made out after I left for home. She hasn't told me.


We're going to Wonderland (specifically Halloween Haunt) tomorrow. Should I let her know how I feel? Should I just kiss her? She definitely values our friendship, but I'll regret not getting it off my chest before she leaves. What's there to gain? Well, I'm travelling next year and she's invited me to visit her. Maybe I can get confirmation that she feels the same way. What's the worst case scenario? She doesn't feel the same way, which will be fine, because then I know. It'll just be an awkward two months.

My reading of this is that she basically can't figure out what you want either. If she used to cuddle up with you constantly and you didn't go for it, she probably figured you weren't into her -- which is why at first she said she was seeing somebody, but then she kind of gave up and made out with some other guy after you left them. It looks to me like she was making herself available and waiting for you to cross the Rubicon.

Just kiss her, and be ready to either apologize, or to say "I should've done something earlier." If you prepare yourself to accept the possibility that it's not going to work out for reasons that you can't do anything about, it doesn't have to screw up your relationship with her.

 

[vctor182]

Dude, you're friendzoned and crushing hard. Just make a move. Worst case scenario, she says no, mid-case scenario, you guys hook up, best case scenario, she figures your worth a shot.

Don't pussyfoot around anything. A good opportunity arrives, take action. If she seems uncomfortable, do not engage.

This, do it. Good luck.

 

[RobbieH]

Honestly, the long distance thing isn't going to work. The best you can do is smash and move on.

There's no room for asking her out at this point with her only being around for 2 months tops though.

Yup. Long distance or any kind of relationship here is pretty much off the table. They'll have 2 months together, he'll become even closer to her and then she'll return home to where her ex is; the ex he's already concerned about.

Don't make a move - you're already overthinking everything, it'll only get worse and will make seeing her at work painful.
Make a move, she doesn't go for it - at least you'll know and can move on.
Make a move, she goes for it - victory.

 

[LosDaddie]

He had feelings for her, she didn't have feelings for him. He's dealing with feeling like being "dumped" but at the end of the day she was NEVER interested in him, so in reality he never had a chance with her..

Nah, if everything DL says is true, then she was interested in him. Ladies don't spend that much time with a guy, doing all the stuff he listed when there's a lack of interest. Thing is, DL's "friend" was only seen as Mr. Right Now, rather than Mr. Right.

It's a common scenario, especially with younger ladies. They'll happily date/fuck a "fun" guy for a time, while they wait to be swept off their feet by Mr. Right.

The Question:
We're going to Wonderland (specifically Halloween Haunt) tomorrow. Should I let her know how I feel? Should I just kiss her? She definitely values our friendship, but I'll regret not getting it off my chest before she leaves. What's there to gain? Well, I'm travelling next year and she's invited me to visit her. Maybe I can get confirmation that she feels the same way. What's the worst case scenario? She doesn't feel the same way, which will be fine, because then I know. It'll just be an awkward two months.

Her reality is closing fast, and I want to act.

I cringed reading this. You dun goofed, bud. Goofed real bad.

Here's the bad parts:

First time she was at my place, we cuddled and held hands. During Nuit Blanche, we would hook arms and she'd lay her head on my shoulder.

Second, sometime in the middle of all this, her and I and another coworker went out for drinks. He's older than the both of us. He's had his fair share of stories of past flings. And maybe it was the alcohol, maybe his stories got her hot, and maybe I was being a wallflower during the whole exchange (he was very commanding in the convo), in the end, they made out after I left for home. She hasn't told me.

Cringe-inducing stuff there. That first time you guys hung out? The one were you guys cuddled and held hands? That's lady-code for "Make a move on me". That part where your co-worker hooked up with her (only made-out, yeah right :lol ) after you left? A clear sign she wants a man who will take charge (this is true for the vast majority of women), and that man isn't you (yet), but it certainly was your co-worker that night. Also, she hasn't told you about them hooking up because it's not your business.

But you should go ahead and make your move ASAP, since you probably won't see her again after she leaves. At least you will know for sure where you stand with her. I wouldn't get my hopes up if I were you, however.

 

[Perspicacity]

The mixed signals:
She'd compliment me often. First time she was at my place, we cuddled and held hands. During Nuit Blanche, we would hook arms and she'd lay her head on my shoulder. I'm told by friends that my influence on her is there. For example, ever since we followed each other on twitter, she'd tweet more (compare 70 tweets over a few years to an additional 40-50 in the past two months) she's used it more as a private way to converse with me. Hell, her cover photo on Facebook is Journey the game after I showed it her (she's not a gamer, but allows me to rant about em). And now her most anticipated movie is Cloud Atlas (which is mine, which I saw already with someone else). But most importantly, she mentioned how her life can be defined as two eras, before she met me, and after.

I don't think you understand what mixed signals means. Most of this can really only be interpreted one way, it's not like she's going to hang a "Fuck Me" sign around her neck just to make it perfectly god damn clear.

 

[Log4Girlz]

The situation:
I've been hanging out with a coworker, who's on a working visa. We work on the same floor, different departments. She's actually an amazing human being, and is the single biggest inspiration for me this year. Though I summoned courage to finally talk to her in May, I had a 2.5 month trip. I've returned and so these last 3 months have been something...

I don't know how to keep the story short. But I'll try.

We started hanging out almost every weekend. In Toronto, there was almost always something to do; TIFF, Nuit Blanche, casual drinking here and there, and plus she's been to my house twice to watch movies with wine. I'm taking her to Wonderland, a theme park this saturday (she's never been to one).

But none of these were or are considered "dates."

Who she is:
Me being flirty and confident is not a problem when we're one-on-one. She's actually an alpha-female and sort of fills the assertive role when we're together. She likes hanging around males because females are too catty for her. She admits that's she's not the most sociable because she speaks her mind without thinking on the consequences. She also fears for her future, she has doubts, and among other things her imperfections make me fall for her more. I think she's not ready for a relationship... or fears commitment, as am I.

The mixed signals:
She'd compliment me often. First time she was at my place, we cuddled and held hands. During Nuit Blanche, we would hook arms and she'd lay her head on my shoulder. I'm told by friends that my influence on her is there. For example, ever since we followed each other on twitter, she'd tweet more (compare 70 tweets over a few years to an additional 40-50 in the past two months) she's used it more as a private way to converse with me. Hell, her cover photo on Facebook is Journey the game after I showed it her (she's not a gamer, but allows me to rant about em). And now her most anticipated movie is Cloud Atlas (which is mine, which I saw already with someone else). But most importantly, she mentioned how her life can be defined as two eras, before she met me, and after.


My mistakes:
Early on I was losing it because I was inviting her to almost everything I was doing. She'd flake, naturally, and I tried my best to shrug it off. I'd visit her in her office often (mine isn't secluded, it's open and shared) and we'd chat about sweet nothings. But as of late, I've ran out of things to say, I blank out. And I fear that I bore her. I've reduced the amount of visits now. I also come across as clingy perhaps, predictable too, and also "fake" as I try to impress her with my stories (which aren't.... great to begin with). And in the off chance she visits me in my office area, my social skills take a dive, because she's talking amongst coworkers who know I have a crush for her, so I tense up, try to show face, but I'm not winning. Quite frankly, I'm convinced she knows I like her without me have actually said.

At one moment when I was in her office, a lady coworker passes by and says, "hey, lovers!"

Fuck, I'm too obvious.

The conflict:
She's returning to her family in mid-December. She left behind an ex, who for some reason I believe she still has feelings... But two things:

First, she dated someone early this year but broke it off because she wasn't interested. She told him, "I was kinda already seeing someone." Which I assumed was her ex, thinking that maybe they're in an open relationship as she travels.

Second, sometime in the middle of all this, her and I and another coworker went out for drinks. He's older than the both of us. He's had his fair share of stories of past flings. And maybe it was the alcohol, maybe his stories got her hot, and maybe I was being a wallflower during the whole exchange (he was very commanding in the convo), in the end, they made out after I left for home. She hasn't told me.

This was right before the first weekend of October (our original wonderland day). My friend girl suggested I cancel on her, a taste of her own medicine. I did, and it seemingly worked as she'd tweet, "Wonderland!, When?" a few days later.

The Question:
We're going to Wonderland (specifically Halloween Haunt) tomorrow. Should I let her know how I feel? Should I just kiss her? She definitely values our friendship, but I'll regret not getting it off my chest before she leaves. What's there to gain? Well, I'm travelling next year and she's invited me to visit her. Maybe I can get confirmation that she feels the same way. What's the worst case scenario? She doesn't feel the same way, which will be fine, because then I know. It'll just be an awkward two months.

Her reality is closing fast, and I want to act.

She made out with another co-worker? Dude, she's not into you.