Support NeoGAF

[Amory]

(Posted this in the OkCupid thread but maybe its more appropriate here)

So I found a girl im really into, been out with her twice and ill see her again on Thursday night. Thinking of going for the goodnight kiss this time but im afraid it'll backfire. What say you, gaf? I mean she'll have been out with me 3 times...she's gotta be interested right?

I never worry about this stuff...but I like this one a lot.

 

[FO-totality]

(Posted this in the OkCupid thread but maybe its more appropriate here)

So I found a girl im really into, been out with her twice and ill see her again on Thursday night. Thinking of going for the goodnight kiss this time but im afraid it'll backfire. What say you, gaf? I mean she'll have been out with me 3 times...she's gotta be interested right?

I never worry about this stuff...but I like this one a lot.

 

[Arjen]

(Posted this in the OkCupid thread but maybe its more appropriate here)

So I found a girl im really into, been out with her twice and ill see her again on Thursday night. Thinking of going for the goodnight kiss this time but im afraid it'll backfire. What say you, gaf? I mean she'll have been out with me 3 times...she's gotta be interested right?

I never worry about this stuff...but I like this one a lot.

3rd Date? Hell yeah, go for it!

 

[Amory]

That's the general consensus. Alright, what the hell. I'll be on cloud nine if it's successful, and I think it will be.

She has jade eyes! Jade!!

 

[scar tissue]

I really appreciate your advice guys. Thanks. I'm still kind of recovering from the embarrassment of posting what I said.



Yeah, that's one of the reasons why this has become such an urgent issue for me. Where I am in particular is very rough. Very high murder rates, shootings, stabbings, robberies, violent crimes etc. I'm just lucky that I haven't been in the wrong place at the wrong time, I guess.

You're not alone, I'm 23 and in the same situation. I know a few guys who are even older and in the same situation. Two of them bought an escort, they say it was liberating. Ultimately, they're still alone tho, so I'm not sure it helped in the long run.

The main problem I see (apart from my severe social anxiety that won't go away) is that in a few years I'll be out of university, which is the best/easiest place to get to know girls, apparently. With a 9 to 5 job, meeting new girls is kinda hard.
All the girls I know t university have a boyfriend or are interested in someone else. Pretty sure my lab partners (we're a working group of 3) are on the verge of hooking up too, lab work is going to be a fucking blast for the rest of the semester. FML.

Both these statements just prove that you shouldn't be in this thread, because finding dates won't solve your issues. Yes, social anxiety and having every bone in your body break when you are born are very different. There's only one person complaining about it though. One person has done something about it and overcome it. I don't know why you are shy, but usually the anxiety and shyness that guys feel around women and talk about in here, are based on wanting something. Yours sound different from that and dating-age isn't qualified in helping you with something so severe as it sounds more medical or something. If you are depressed, talk to psychiatrist, not gaf. And trying to solve it with girls doesn't work either (not saying that's what you're doing but still).

I'm actually seeing a therapist (which is helping somewhat, I guess), and getting dates isn't among my priorities right now.
I just check into this thread occasionally, and upon seeing this quote, I just couldn't resist.

Still,I'm pretty sure just having some casual sex would help me out because it'd take a tremendous weight off my shoulders. Probably not happening tho.

 

[Moz La Punk]

nothing here.

 

[Antagon]

(Posted this in the OkCupid thread but maybe its more appropriate here)

So I found a girl im really into, been out with her twice and ill see her again on Thursday night. Thinking of going for the goodnight kiss this time but im afraid it'll backfire. What say you, gaf? I mean she'll have been out with me 3 times...she's gotta be interested right?

I never worry about this stuff...but I like this one a lot.

Why wait for goodbye? Make sure you're at a nice quiet place and just kiss her and see where it goes.

 

[Amory]

Why wait for goodbye? Make sure you're at a nice quiet place and just kiss her and see where it goes.

Well, I will if the moment seems right. But it'd suck if I get shot down in the middle of the date and it's all awkward for the rest of the night.

 

[cornontheCoD]

There are literally 3 billion women here with us. Working in an industry without any women is a poor excuse. And continuing to be introverted is a choice unless you have a proven medical condition. And either way, it's not like there's only extroverted guys who gets laid.

Being introverted isn't a choice, it's a type of person. Introverted people "recharge" by being alone, extroverted "recharge" by being around other people, that's not something you can change. Now, someone can work hard to change their lifestyle regardless of what they are. But my point is that I've got a double whammy against me, being introverted and working in a mostly-male industry. And I've been looking for a long while now, trying to figure out how to meet new women, and it's not working.

 

[tbhysgb]

Well, I will if the moment seems right. But it'd suck if I get shot down in the middle of the date and it's all awkward for the rest of the night.

I remember like a week before I kissed my wife for the first time. I dropped her off after a lunch date. When I went in I hesitated and she goes what? She texted me a little later after she realized what happened lol.

 

[Wazzim]

Well, I will if the moment seems right. But it'd suck if I get shot down in the middle of the date and it's all awkward for the rest of the night.

Don't feel awkward then, everybody gets shot down. Just wait a while and try again.

 

[Arjen]

Being introverted isn't a choice, it's a type of person. Introverted people "recharge" by being alone, extroverted "recharge" by being around other people, that's not something you can change. Now, someone can work hard to change their lifestyle regardless of what they are. But my point is that I've got a double whammy against me, being introverted and working in a mostly-male industry. And I've been looking for a long while now, trying to figure out how to meet new women, and it's not working.

What about dancing lessons like Salsa or something? A book club maybe? I work in a mostly male industry as well (engineering) and i meet most woman trough girlfriends or friends of other friends and my sister.

 

[SMT]

Girl is mad over lack of texts, questions what I do with my time.

 

[white dynamite]

For shy guys:
http://www.sharpman.com/sharp_dating_tips_for_shy_guys.htm

 

[Rocket Scientist]

Girl is mad over lack of texts, questions what I do with my time.

So this is what you do instead of texting me!

 

[I'm an expert]

Well, I will if the moment seems right. But it'd suck if I get shot down in the middle of the date and it's all awkward for the rest of the night.

If it gets awkward then just say "well, this isn't working out, thanks anyway" and bail out. You don't have to subject yourself to a bad time. I wish more guys were just as picky as girls.

I remember like a week before I kissed my wife for the first time. I dropped her off after a lunch date. When I went in I hesitated and she goes what? She texted me a little later after she realized what happened lol.

I kissed my wife about 30 mins after meeting her. Of course back then my motivations were a bit different..

 

[Minamu]

Being introverted isn't a choice, it's a type of person. Introverted people "recharge" by being alone, extroverted "recharge" by being around other people, that's not something you can change. Now, someone can work hard to change their lifestyle regardless of what they are. But my point is that I've got a double whammy against me, being introverted and working in a mostly-male industry. And I've been looking for a long while now, trying to figure out how to meet new women, and it's not working.

You weren't an introvert as an infant, were you? It's just a label that all of society agrees upon, which is why it has any power at all. I agree on the recharge part, that is true. I've been a lone wolf all my life so I know what that's like. But there are women everywhere and introverts meet them as well, it's almost impossible not to. Blaming it on being an introvert is just so you can stay in the comfort zone. You're not the only one in a mostly-male industry. I'm studying game design, what do you think my future looks like? :lol There's one girl out of 16 in my class, and she's taken. It doesn't bother me for a second, because I don't let it. There are also probably tons of women who are introverted and work in an mostly-female industry too, like nurses perhaps. If what you're doing to meet new women isn't working, do the opposite. Though, I wouldn't recommend going out looking for them in the first place. Then you're truly chasing something in hopes of filling a void, a void that you don't really have. Because all you really need is already inside of yourself. Having a partner isn't supposed to "complete you".

 

[Cow Mengde]

So, I still have some time before we go out and I figured might as well use that time to get a little closer in the office. We talk a lot so there's no problem with that. You guys have any tips on what to avoid talking about and what I should talk about more?

I know I shouldn't be talking about myself too much.

I know avoiding politics and religion as well... though we've already touched on these subjects waaaaaay before I was even into her. Not to mention our views are similar enough.

I'm kicking myself over not telling her how beautiful she looked yesterday, since she really did look great. We were so busy that neither of us got to eat lunch. I'm thinking about dropping a few more subtle hints here and there to test the waters.

 

[Log4Girlz]

So, I still have some time before we go out and I figured might as well use that time to get a little closer in the office. We talk a lot so there's no problem with that. You guys have any tips on what to avoid talking about and what I should talk about more?

I know I shouldn't be talking about myself too much.

I know avoiding politics and religion as well... though we've already touched on these subjects waaaaaay before I was even into her. Not to mention our views are similar enough.

I'm kicking myself over not telling her how beautiful she looked yesterday, since she really did look great. We were so busy that neither of us got to eat lunch. I'm thinking about dropping a few more subtle hints here and there to test the waters.

Don't talk about her past sexual history and don't ask if she has any STD's. Big turn offs.

 

[Minamu]

So, I still have some time before we go out and I figured might as well use that time to get a little closer in the office. We talk a lot so there's no problem with that. You guys have any tips on what to avoid talking about and what I should talk about more?

I know I shouldn't be talking about myself too much.

I know avoiding politics and religion as well... though we've already touched on these subjects waaaaaay before I was even into her. Not to mention our views are similar enough.

I'm kicking myself over not telling her how beautiful she looked yesterday, since she really did look great. We were so busy that neither of us got to eat lunch. I'm thinking about dropping a few more subtle hints here and there to test the waters.

Escapism subjects, nothing too serious. Don't give her compliments based on her looks, you can do that later when you're in a real relationship. She knows she's good looking.

 

[Cow Mengde]

Escapism subjects, nothing too serious. Don't give her compliments based on her looks, you can do that later when you're in a real relationship. She knows she's good looking.

Good suggestions.

But the looks thing, I thought I read that woman can be insecure about their looks too? I mean, the other guys in the office have complimented her, but they're also married old guys (in non-creepy fashion). I'm closet to her in age. I'll take your advice on this though since she seems pretty confident to me.

 

[Hypereides]

You weren't venting, you were hating on yourself. You came into a dating thread to talk about your looks with no motivation to do anything about it. We don't want pics to laugh at you, we want them to prove youre wrong and to lift your spirits. Please play the victim more though.

People in doubt of their looks should take Worldrevolutions advice.

Izick seems to have kickstarted an ugly trend of narcissism.

 

[Doctor West]

I broke up with my GF yesterday. I feel awful but it was the right decision for both of us in the long run. I can deal with my own pain, but I'm struggling dealing with hers. How do you do that?

 

[I'm an expert]

Through breakup sex.

 

[Omegasquash]

I broke up with my GF yesterday. I feel awful but it was the right decision for both of us in the long run. I can deal with my own pain, but I'm struggling dealing with hers. How do you do that?

Her pain is hers to deal with, not yours. Move on with your life, and understand that if you reach out to her she will heal slower.

 

[ConradCervantes]

I broke up with my GF yesterday. I feel awful but it was the right decision for both of us in the long run. I can deal with my own pain, but I'm struggling dealing with hers. How do you do that?

Treat her like an adult. If you can deal with your pain, then give her the benefit of the doubt. She'll get over it.

 

[Doctor West]

She has major depression and abandonment issues and keeps contacting me. It's making it so much worse. She is a truly good person, but what we had wasn't healthy. Too many fights and issues to deal with in just the couple of months we were dating. That's the thing, we weren't together that long and she is telling me that she will never be loved again. It would be so much easier if she just hated me. I won't enable her attempts to get me back and it's sending her in a downward spiral. I told her if she keeps this guilt stuff up, she will ruin any chance of a friendship as well. I feel like if I cut her off completely, it will make her go in an even deeper hole. I'm petrified to see what today brings.

I never contact her. I just answer her texts as simply and unemotionally as possible. I was able to stop her from calling me, so there has been some progress.

 

[Cubsfan23]

Girl is mad over lack of texts, questions what I do with my time.

keep doing what you're doing...

 

[Cubsfan23]

Being introverted isn't a choice, it's a type of person. Introverted people "recharge" by being alone, extroverted "recharge" by being around other people, that's not something you can change. Now, someone can work hard to change their lifestyle regardless of what they are. But my point is that I've got a double whammy against me, being introverted and working in a mostly-male industry. And I've been looking for a long while now, trying to figure out how to meet new women, and it's not working.

you can change your brain to where you can be out longer without having to recharge. It's all in building new neural pathways


basically, be the best of both worlds.

 

[Omegasquash]

She has major depression and abandonment issues and keeps contacting me. It's making it so much worse. She is a truly good person, but what we had wasn't healthy. Too many fights and issues to deal with in just the couple of months we were dating. That's the thing, we weren't together that long and she is telling me that she will never be loved again. It would be so much easier if she just hated me. I won't enable her attempts to get me back and it's sending her in a downward spiral. I told her if she keeps this guilt stuff up, she will ruin any chance of a friendship as well. I feel like if I cut her off completely, it will make her go in an even deeper hole. I'm petrified to see what today brings.

I never contact her. I just answer her texts as simply and unemotionally as possible. I was able to stop her from calling me, so there has been some progress.

Keep up the progress, but the fact that you were only together for a couple of months...she's got issues to deal with. If you are truly worried, then contact a friend of hers and let them know. Don't involve yourself, though. And don't say one more thing about a friendship. It won't happen.

 

[Minamu]

Good suggestions.

But the looks thing, I thought I read that woman can be insecure about their looks too? I mean, the other guys in the office have complimented her, but they're also married old guys (in non-creepy fashion). I'm closet to her in age. I'll take your advice on this though since she seems pretty confident to me.

Sure, they're probably more insecure about their looks than guys are, because beauty is a primary attraction point for getting strong males. Older guys giving compliments is the answer in itself. That's how guys operated back in the day, it was normal culture when they were young but that's also precisely why it has been done to death these days. If you want to stick out, always do the opposite of what seems to be the logical thing to do. If you ask a girl out, she'll know automatically that she is hot in your eyes, right? No need to spell it out, until you're a couple or at least have been on a couple of dates. Not that you should go on dates either, that's what everyone does too.

 

[Vermillion]

*sigh* Missed a moment to talk to her after class. Next time(?)

 

[Cow Mengde]

Sure, they're probably more insecure about their looks than guys are, because beauty is a primary attraction point for getting strong males. Older guys giving compliments is the answer in itself. That's how guys operated back in the day, it was normal culture when they were young but that's also precisely why it has been done to death these days. If you want to stick out, always do the opposite of what seems to be the logical thing to do. If you ask a girl out, she'll know automatically that she is hot in your eyes, right? No need to spell it out, until you're a couple or at least have been on a couple of dates. Not that you should go on dates either, that's what everyone does too.

Excellent point. Thanks.

 

[The Last Wizard]

So I'm done with the girl from my class, I've put the effort in and she just doesn't seem interested so whatever. It wasn't all a waste as I remembered that it's easy as hell to talk to people who are responsive.

I'm gonna take some time and work on myself for a bit; get a job, find more hobbies, just do more stuff in general and enjoy my youth. If I meet some girls along the way then hey.

About that introvert stuff, the recharging is definitely true. I'm an introvert but not so far down the scale, sometimes I feel social and sometimes I don't.

 

[Omegasquash]

So I'm done with the girl from my class, I've put the effort in and she just doesn't seem interested so whatever. It wasn't all a waste as I remembered that it's easy as hell to talk to people who are responsive.

I'm gonna take some time and work on myself for a bit; get a job, find more hobbies, just do more stuff in general and enjoy my youth. If I meet some girls along the way then hey.

About that introvert stuff, the recharging is definitely true. I'm an introvert but not so far down the scale, sometimes I feel social and sometimes I don't.

This is how a "failure" isn't a failure at all. You're better equipped because of what happened, and that's a win.

 

[Tess3ract]

The girl I like is with a "friend" at lunch and she clearly likes that guy, or is slightly flirty with him and I don't think he's just a friend. *sigh*

 

[Sub_Level]

Sure, they're probably more insecure about their looks than guys are, because beauty is a primary attraction point for getting strong males. Older guys giving compliments is the answer in itself. That's how guys operated back in the day, it was normal culture when they were young but that's also precisely why it has been done to death these days. If you want to stick out, always do the opposite of what seems to be the logical thing to do. If you ask a girl out, she'll know automatically that she is hot in your eyes, right? No need to spell it out, until you're a couple or at least have been on a couple of dates. Not that you should go on dates either, that's what everyone does too.

Wait what? What can you do with a girl other than go on dates?

 

[Minamu]

Wait what? What can you do with a girl other than go on dates?

Women have needs, just like men. There's no reason why you shouldn't be able to invite a girl over to your place, or hers, for dinner and drinks and just hook up without needing to go through a couting procedure with a million steps to it. In a lot of cases, if a girl agrees on a date with you, she has most likely already decided that she likes you, and may very well already be sexually interested in you. Unfortunately, it's also very easy to talk women out of this, by badgering them with date requests etc. And they accept dates because that's what everyone does.

 

[Bebpo]

Need advice. I'm in a situation I haven't been in before. Well at least since high school.

If I go to a party with a girl where everyone is enjoying the high life, and I just chill and drink beer while everyone else smokes (not that I have anything against it, I've tried in the past and it's just not really my thing), is that going to leave a bad impression? I'd rather just be myself and have a good time with stoners without partaking, but I don't want to be seen as an outsider and have it dampen prospects with said person.

This reminds me of peer pressure in high school when everyone was smoking cigs :\

 

[stn]

Women have needs, just like men. There's no reason why you shouldn't be able to invite a girl over to your place, or hers, for dinner and drinks and just hook up without needing to go through a couting procedure with a million steps to it. In a lot of cases, if a girl agrees on a date with you, she has most likely already decided that she likes you, and may very well already be sexually interested in you. Unfortunately, it's also very easy to talk women out of this, by badgering them with date requests etc. And they accept dates because that's what everyone does.

Brent Smith, is that you????

 

[Omegasquash]

Need advice. I'm in a situation I haven't been in before. Well at least since high school.

If I go to a party with a girl where everyone is enjoying the high life, and I just chill and drink beer while everyone else smokes (not that I have anything against it, I've tried in the past and it's just not really my thing), is that going to leave a bad impression? I'd rather just be myself and have a good time with stoners without partaking, but I don't want to be seen as an outsider and have it dampen prospects with said person.

This reminds me of peer pressure in high school when everyone was smoking cigs :\

Nah, man. If getting high isn't your thing, it's not your thing. Just don't come off as looking down on it, just do exactly what you said you'd rather do:

Be yourself and have a good time without partaking.

You'll leave a MUCH better impression, and not be some outsider. Just participate in the night, not the bud.

 

[Minamu]

Brent Smith, is that you????

Haha His presence is strong in this thread.

 

[LosDaddie]

Need advice. I'm in a situation I haven't been in before. Well at least since high school.

If I go to a party with a girl where everyone is enjoying the high life, and I just chill and drink beer while everyone else smokes (not that I have anything against it, I've tried in the past and it's just not really my thing), is that going to leave a bad impression? I'd rather just be myself and have a good time with stoners without partaking, but I don't want to be seen as an outsider and have it dampen prospects with said person.

This reminds me of peer pressure in high school when everyone was smoking cigs :\

:lol MOst ladies don't give a shit about that.

Basically, just grow up, and don't succumb to peer pressure (if there is any). Have fun, drink some beer, talk to people, and if anyone offers you a toke, just say "Nah, man. I'm cool.". You'll be fine.

Like someone else said, just don't look down on the smokers, and you won't be an outsider.

 

[Perspicacity]

Need advice. I'm in a situation I haven't been in before. Well at least since high school.

If I go to a party with a girl where everyone is enjoying the high life, and I just chill and drink beer while everyone else smokes (not that I have anything against it, I've tried in the past and it's just not really my thing), is that going to leave a bad impression? I'd rather just be myself and have a good time with stoners without partaking, but I don't want to be seen as an outsider and have it dampen prospects with said person.

This reminds me of peer pressure in high school when everyone was smoking cigs :\

I quit pot because it gave me headaches, I still hang out with the same people and they seem to understand when I mention this.

 

[WyndhamPrice]

Need advice. I'm in a situation I haven't been in before. Well at least since high school.

If I go to a party with a girl where everyone is enjoying the high life, and I just chill and drink beer while everyone else smokes (not that I have anything against it, I've tried in the past and it's just not really my thing), is that going to leave a bad impression? I'd rather just be myself and have a good time with stoners without partaking, but I don't want to be seen as an outsider and have it dampen prospects with said person.

I doubt it, I've been in the same situation plenty of times and I don't really like to smoke so I just say "no thanks" or I pass it on (don't fuck up the rotation!).

If she's going to get all judgmental or weird about you not wanting to do something (especially when it's clear you're not some hardcore straight edge whackjob since you drink) she's probably not worth the trouble.

 

[Sub_Level]

Women have needs, just like men. There's no reason why you shouldn't be able to invite a girl over to your place, or hers, for dinner and drinks and just hook up without needing to go through a couting procedure with a million steps to it. In a lot of cases, if a girl agrees on a date with you, she has most likely already decided that she likes you, and may very well already be sexually interested in you. Unfortunately, it's also very easy to talk women out of this, by badgering them with date requests etc. And they accept dates because that's what everyone does.

That doesn't really work for someone like me who lives with his mom and goes to a commuter college. Plus my house is full of a ton of people (4 bedroom, 8 occupants) so I get very little privacy even in my own room :\

And I'm savin' up to get my own place eventually when I graduate but the way I figure it non-expensive dates are the best option at the moment. I don't wanna give up the whole girl thing for the 14 months it'll take to graduate lol

 

[Minamu]

That doesn't really work for someone like me who lives with his mom and goes to a commuter college. Plus my house is full of a ton of people (4 bedroom, 8 occupants) so I get very little privacy even in my own room :\

And I'm savin' up to get my own place eventually when I graduate but the way I figure it non-expensive dates are the best option at the moment. I don't wanna give up the whole girl thing for the 14 months it'll take to graduate lol

So you're just gonna have sex in the restaurant bathroom stall, in the park and in the ferris wheel? My man

 

[The Last Wizard]

This is how a "failure" isn't a failure at all. You're better equipped because of what happened, and that's a win.

I make an effort to learn from experiences with girls.

 

[Moz La Punk]

I'm so stupid. I can't listen to my mind, only to my heart. At least it got me sex.

 

[Perspicacity]

I'm so stupid. I can't listen to my mind, only to my heart. At least it got me sex.

There may be a third organ at play