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[manfestival]

out of curiosity. I was with a couple different group of friends tonight just bouncing between them and was told on two occasions that they wanted to hook me up with some of their cute friends. Which sounds nice and all but I wonder what that says about me hmm? Is this a good or bad thing?

 

[NateDrake]

out of curiosity. I was with a couple different group of friends tonight just bouncing between them and was told on two occasions that they wanted to hook me up with some of their cute friends. Which sounds nice and all but I wonder what that says about me hmm? Is this a good or bad thing?

I wouldn't read much into it as reflection on you. Give it a shot and see what they offer you. Nothing to lose.

 

[Izick]

Desperate times calls for desperate measures.

Be happy you're not in my situation. That goes for all of you with girls.

You really think that would actually work?

 

[Doctor West]

she sent me like 7 texts in a row about how she's been hurt before and has trouble trusting people. i've heard it all before from her...and i'm thinking it's not gonna work out. she says she feels really comfortable around me but she hasn't "seen that i've got her back yet". so, whatever. otro chicas en el mundo. i'll keep being nice to her, but since i'm not expecting much, there will be way less pressure.

Ugh, she sounds like she has some screws loose. My last GF gave me a lot of that crap and in retrospect, the whole relationship was a mistake. Be carful with somebody who is that broken.

 

[DominoKid]

Report back on how that goes KFG. Feel like that'll be a fun story.

 

[waypoetic]

Read some serious bullshit in this thread - "never tell a girl you like her".

Uhu?

Some people are afraid of being open and honest about their feelings, maybe you're one of them? Some girls are too. But not all. Some people can't handle another person falling in love with them, and to them i say : DON'T DATE, YOU ASSHOLE.

Second of all, i gotta ask, what is the deal with the dating-culture in the US? It goes "yeah i've dated this girl for 7 months". What the fuck, that's not dating, that's not landing the deal! And what, are you two exclusive to one another? If so, newsflash : YOU'RE A COUPLE! If not : you're fuck-buddieees yaaay.

You date for a month or maybe two and after that you should've gotten a pretty clear idea if you should be a couple or not.

 

[fredrancour]

Second of all, i gotta ask, what is the deal with the dating-culture in the US? It goes "yeah i've dated this girl for 7 months". What the fuck, that's not dating, that's not landing the deal! And what, are you two exclusive to one another? If so, newsflash : YOU'RE A COUPLE! If not : you're fuck-buddieees yaaay.

You date for a month or maybe two and after that you should've gotten a pretty clear idea if you should be a couple or not.

I think you're just confused by the lack of a consistent definition of all those terms for relationships. Most people are not that picky about the term dating, and never use the term couple in everyday life.

 

[waypoetic]

I think you're just confused by the lack of a consistent definition of all those terms for relationships. Most people are not that picky about the term dating, and never use the term couple in everyday life.

Yeah maybe. It's like... You date and if it works out you get married!

Spoiler

And then you get divorced. Rinse aaand repeat.

But yeah, not picky. I guess that's it. Like "i love you", you say that stuff to people you've just met and shit. "Love" in America, i guess i'll never fully understand it.

 

[ZombieFred]

I guess some people could be sensitive to that kind of thing when they express their feelings to someone; not wanting to feel like an idiot or have their ego seem weak. I've been in a relationship for two months with my current girlfriend and we express a lot to each other, with me saying how much she means to me, etc, but I do sometimes think if saying I love her constantly everytime (like at the end of the evenings or during the day) is somehow overkill, I hardly ever was like this with anybody else but she just feels different to me and I am far happier for it, but I do feel a little nervous if perhaps too much expression is a bad thing sometimes.

 

[Gucci Messiah]

out of curiosity. I was with a couple different group of friends tonight just bouncing between them and was told on two occasions that they wanted to hook me up with some of their cute friends. Which sounds nice and all but I wonder what that says about me hmm? Is this a good or bad thing?

How could you possibly interpret that as a bad thing

 

[Wazzim]

Anybody see the ending to We Bought A Zoo? Kind of got to me. I think im going to try that.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9sElTpY_nU

Us shy loners out there should give this a shot.

:lol

Yeah putting a girl on a pedestal sure is the way to go.

 

[Minamu]

Life is not a movie. That's a beautiful movie story because it's a one in a billion luck encounter.

 

[PflargBlarg]

Yeah maybe. It's like... You date and if it works out you get married!

Spoiler

And then you get divorced. Rinse aaand repeat.

But yeah, not picky. I guess that's it. Like "i love you", you say that stuff to people you've just met and shit. "Love" in America, i guess i'll never fully understand it.

I can attempt to explain this.

Here, you go on dates with someone and if it's working out then you start 'dating'. I can tell you, if you go out with someone a couple times and mention that you're dating someone to a friend, it would not be unusual for them to assume that you mean you're an exclusive couple.

Which is actually interesting, I don't even know what term would be used for someone that you've seen a couple times but aren't exclusive with. You could use 'dating' but you're going to end up explaining what you mean any way.

 

[zethren]

If you've been dating for a period of time and you guys consistently have a great time, have a connection, and enjoy eachother's company and are exclusive then you're a couple. Some people have a hard time putting labels on things like this, but if you have been dating for a little while the conversation of "where is this going" could very easily pop up, and from there you guys can denote labels.

But really it's all about how you "feel", and actions speak louder than words.

 

[Kung Fu Grip]

You really think that would actually work?

For me, no. But you gotta stay positive rite??

Heh.

 

[zethren]

For me, no. But you gotta stay positive rite??

Heh.

Instead of saying exactly what he said, why not try to think of something of your own to say? Use the same method of mental preparation, and be courageous for those 20 seconds enough to approach her, but then say something better than a line that demeans yourself?

Because her answer won't be "why not?" in real life. It'll be something like "uh...what?"

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

Read some serious bullshit in this thread - "never tell a girl you like her".

Uhu?

Some people are afraid of being open and honest about their feelings, maybe you're one of them? Some girls are too. But not all. Some people can't handle another person falling in love with them, and to them i say : DON'T DATE, YOU ASSHOLE.

You're ignoring all context. It's about making a move when you like someone, not being weird and having a feelings talk. Create a moment. Of course you talk about liking and loving each other once you're together.

 

[Wazzim]

Instead of saying exactly what he said, why not try to think of something of your own to say? Use the same method of mental preparation, and be courageous for those 20 seconds enough to approach her, but then say something better than a line that demeans yourself?

Because her answer won't be "why not?" in real life. It'll be something like "uh...what?"

Yeah, just tell her that you like her appearance and go from there.


Anyway, met this girl Tuesday while approaching and she's pretty cool personality wise and clearly interested, just not attractive enough (yeah I'm an asshole). I suggested we'd hang out as friends sometimes. I decided that expanding my social circle with more and more girls might be a good decision for later on.

 

[XenodudeX]

You're ignoring all context. It's about making a move when you like someone, not being weird and having a feelings talk. Create a moment. Of course you talk about liking and loving each other once you're together.

How is having a talk about your feelings weird?

 

[PflargBlarg]

How is having a talk about your feelings weird?

I'm not going to try and decipher the psychology behind it, but straight up telling a girl that you like her and want to be with her etc. before anything else is going to scare her off.

Chalk it up to thrill of the chase, excitement of mystery, whatever, people want to find out feelings through actions, not boring declarations of feelings.

Flirting is fun, having a talk about your feelings is too serious.


As with all things, mileage may vary.

 

[manfestival]

Even though I am totally into this chick... Opportunity has been striking left and right(when it rains it storms right?)... Should I try to just focus on this chick or is seeing these other ladies healthier for myself? Especially since Melissa(lady im really into) is gonna be leaving for 2 weeks tomorrow which gives me some time to meet these other people my friends want to hook me up with?

 

[Minamu]

Even though I am totally into this chick... Opportunity has been striking left and right(when it rains it storms right?)... Should I try to just focus on this chick or is seeing these other ladies healthier for myself? Especially since Melissa(lady im really into) is gonna be leaving for 2 weeks tomorrow which gives me some time to meet these other people my friends want to hook me up with?

More women > less women.

 

[Bisnic]

Can someone tell me if i'm reading too much into this?

I see all these girl profiles on dating websites, and many interesting girls keep mentioning how they love sports.

For someone like me who barely do any of them, should i even bother to send a message to them? Do sporty girls even want to hang out with guys like me usually?

 

[number47]

Even though I am totally into this chick... Opportunity has been striking left and right(when it rains it storms right?)... Should I try to just focus on this chick or is seeing these other ladies healthier for myself? Especially since Melissa(lady im really into) is gonna be leaving for 2 weeks tomorrow which gives me some time to meet these other people my friends want to hook me up with?

use your false confidence of already having a set date for future occasions glide you into a more careeless zone where you can really talk to anyone.

just keep busy with ladies. practice makes perfect.

 

[number47]

Can someone tell me if i'm reading too much into this?

I see all these girl profiles on dating websites, and many interesting girls keep mentioning how they love sports.

For someone like me who barely do any of them, should i even bother to send a message to them? Do sporty girls even want to hang out with guys like me usually?

Negative Answer:You just aren't reading. Seriously.

Positive Answer:There has to be more to their page than just sports. In this century, people aren't as one dimensional. Look at something you both have in common and perhaps she can show you some sports that would be fun. and you can show whatever your talent is. dont ****ing ask me what your talent is. you figure it out.

 

[Minamu]

Can someone tell me if i'm reading too much into this?

I see all these girl profiles on dating websites, and many interesting girls keep mentioning how they love sports.

For someone like me who barely do any of them, should i even bother to send a message to them? Do sporty girls even want to hang out with guys like me usually?

You gotta flip it around to "do I want to hang out with these girls?". And normal people wouldn't dismiss you just because they like sports and you don't. I doubt it's a deal breaker. It's not for you I gather?

 

[number47]

I'm not going to try and decipher the psychology behind it, but straight up telling a girl that you like her and want to be with her etc. before anything else is going to scare her off.

Chalk it up to thrill of the chase, excitement of mystery, whatever, people want to find out feelings through actions, not boring declarations of feelings.

Flirting is fun, having a talk about your feelings is too serious.


As with all things, mileage may vary.

It comes off as desperate for attention. If actions speak louder than words. just saying it doesnt mean anything. Its thru what you do together that makes it more special.

 

[Bisnic]

You gotta flip it around to "do I want to hang out with these girls?". And normal people wouldn't dismiss you just because they like sports and you don't. I doubt it's a deal breaker. It's not for you I gather?

It's not that i don't like sports, i wouldn't mind playing something like tennis, badminton or golf with them for example. But bigger sports like football, baseball or hockey? Not interested at all.

I guess the best thing would be to ask them what sports they like before assuming they all play in soccer or hockey teams. :lol

 

[MVP]

It's not that i don't like sports, i wouldn't mind playing something like tennis, badminton or golf with them for example. But bigger sports like football, baseball or hockey? Not interested at all.

I guess the best thing would be to ask them what sports they like before assuming they all play in soccer or hockey teams. :lol

You're thinking way too far ahead and making up all these scenarios before you've even spoken to them. They probably won't answer, who cares, just get out there. You don't like their sports, they probably don't like some of YOUR hobbies. So?

Their taste isn't the be-all and end-all, you matter in this world too. Let THEM sweat about whether something they do or don't do is a dealbreaker with YOU, but start thinking about this type of shit when they care about you, not before they even know you.

 

[jgmo870]

Can someone tell me if i'm reading too much into this?

I see all these girl profiles on dating websites, and many interesting girls keep mentioning how they love sports.

For someone like me who barely do any of them, should i even bother to send a message to them? Do sporty girls even want to hang out with guys like me usually?

I think it would be best to find out what about sports they "love". If it's just watching and not playing, there's a chance that she's feigning interest to attract a guy. In college that's what most girls I knew did.

 

[Sanky Panky]

Can someone tell me if i'm reading too much into this?

I see all these girl profiles on dating websites, and many interesting girls keep mentioning how they love sports.

For someone like me who barely do any of them, should i even bother to send a message to them? Do sporty girls even want to hang out with guys like me usually?

As it was said already, only think of what YOU want (not what they might potentially like). I wouldn't be able to date someone long-term who is all into sports, but I sure as hell would fire them a message for a hook-up (or even "practice").

 

[zethren]

Keep in mind that you and your gf/bf don't need to have everything in common. Different interests here and there keep things interesting. And can even introduce you to new things.

 

[The Technomancer]

Keep in mind that you and your gf/bf don't need to have everything in common. Different interests here and there keep things interesting. And can even introduce you to new things.

Its actually better, in my experience, if you only share some interests, at the start at least. If you can become interested in each other's interests its great for a relationship.

 

[Minamu]

I made an addendum below the OP if you guys want to suggest stuff that are relevant material.

 

[Bam Bam Baklava]

Shit I love sports I just wish I was good at them. Don't ever let a girl see you suck at anything physical, it's a real killer.

 

[The_Inquisitor]

GAF I have a very serious question. I am pretty sure I know the right answer, but want to make sure I am not crazy.

After my 2 and 1/2 GF dumped me 2 Thursdays ago, I started a conversation with my very first ex from high school. From time to time we talk again and catch up. My ex girlfriend was very untrusting of her, so we broke contact for 2 and 1/2 years almost. I am pretty sure my high school (first) ex still had feelings for me at this time, but I did not reciprocate for a number of important reasons .

So anyways, last week we got together and got coffee and spent 4 hours catching up. She mentions that she found what appeared to be an engagement ring on accident while putting up her current bf of 7 month's laundry. She was angry and seemed a little shellshocked at the time. It sounded to me that she did not want to get engaged and in fact was planning on telling him no nicely. (In fact, she was very worried he would do it on Christmas in front of his whole family, and she would have to say yes only to say no after).

I went to Vegas a few days and hung out with my sister. Had a good time and sporadically spoke with her. A few times she started talking about sex and I had to tell her I felt that that would be disrespectful to her current bf who loved her very much. She seemed to find that weird claiming that his guy friends talk about their exploits all the time. Regardless, I told her I wanted to remain respectful.

Now roll to today. Her boyfriend surprises her by taking her out. About an hour ago I get a text that she has "something very shiny around her finger". After being dumbfounded a second, I tell her congratulations and that he will make her very happy. She responded with " I hopeeee so" and that's been it.


We were suppose to hang out Friday and I was going to make her lunch and do an activity.] I now think this would be an absolute terribad idea. Not only that, I think I should stop talking to her immediately. I now think that likely I shouldn't have rekindled our conversation in the first place.[/b] I would be an absolute liar if I didn't admit somewhere down deep in my heart I still wonder about what it would be like to be together. But given our history (multiple bf/gf for both of us over past few years), I knew better than to do anything stupid because to be honest who knows how we have both changed and it was fucking highschool.

So to be fair to her bf who clearly loves her very much, I think the next time she texts me I need to tell her that we probably should talk anymore. Am I overreacting at all, or is this the right course of action. The last thing I want to do is sabotage a potential lifetime of happiness before it even had a chance.

 

[Devolution]

So you never truly got over her after 2 and 1/2 years?

 

[The_Inquisitor]

So you never truly got over her after 2 and 1/2 years?

Perhaps. And if I am being honest with myself, probably yes. But I am not going to fuck this up for another guy who doesn't deserve this. I think the choice is obvious.

 

[The Technomancer]

Hm, so going out for drinks with an old friend sometime in the next week or two. On the surface its just as friends catching up, but there has been some...tension in the past. No expectations, but it could turn out interesting.

 

[Minamu]

Perhaps. And if I am being honest with myself, probably yes. But I am not going to fuck this up for another guy who doesn't deserve this. I think the choice is obvious.

One-itis. Move forward instead.

 

[The_Inquisitor]

One-itis. Move forward instead.

So I should explain to her we should never talk/ see each other again next time she messages me? Or is that being overly dramatic. I want the best for her and her new fiance.

 

[Vermillion]

*needs to do better*

 

[Minamu]

So I should explain to her we should never talk/ see each other again next time she messages me? Or is that being overly dramatic. I want the best for her and her new fiance.

Seems a bit harsh maybe. I think there's a few too many question marks with the story. From the way you wrote your first post, I got the feeling that perhaps she was looking for a way out and was testing you but that didn't work out so she went back to her boyfriend. How old are you guys? It's kinda rare for high school relationships to truly be meaningful long term and in general I'd say it's better to move forward and meet new people instead of going back to the old flames but that's debatable I suppose. Keep her as a friend if you can handle it.

 

[The_Inquisitor]

Seems a bit harsh maybe. I think there's a few too many question marks with the story. From the way you wrote your first post, I got the feeling that perhaps she was looking for a way out and was testing you but that didn't work out so she went back to her boyfriend. How old are you guys? It's kinda rare for high school relationships to truly be meaningful long term and in general I'd say it's better to move forward and meet new people instead of going back to the old flames but that's debatable I suppose. Keep her as a friend if you can handle it.

I'm 23 going on 24 and she just turned 23 today. To be honest, your impression is kind of what I thought too. Why would she tell me she doesn't want to get engaged to him, then all of a sudden she says yes? Is it because she fell for the moment, or did she just truly have some jitters?

I am more than willing to answer any other holes. I am just walking around cleaning my apartment for some reason.

 

[stn]

So I should explain to her we should never talk/ see each other again next time she messages me? Or is that being overly dramatic. I want the best for her and her new fiance.

Whichever way you do it, just fizzle out of her life slowly. Its very honorable of you to care enough not to ruin it for this other dude. But yeah, you're not crazy at all.

 

[The_Inquisitor]

Whichever way you do it, just fizzle out of her life slowly. Its very honorable of you to care enough not to ruin it for this other dude. But yeah, you're not crazy at all.

To add to another hole, and this is the part where you all are going to think I am a dumbass motherfucker (I am) I did talk to her a bit about 1 year ago. It ended rather poorly with her leaving me a facebook message basically saying what an inconsiderate asshole I was and how she loved me for who I was. She said she was a strong girl, and someone very special guy was going to win her.

My recent ex read that message when I left my facebook open one day. Undoubtedly it is part of the reason we broke up 2 weeks ago. Maybe this will help show why I am concerned about this. :/ Again, the last thing I want to do is ruin it for this dude.

 

[Minamu]

I'm 23 going on 24 and she just turned 23 today. To be honest, your impression is kind of what I thought too. Why would she tell me she doesn't want to get engaged to him, then all of a sudden she says yes? Is it because she fell for the moment, or did she just truly have some jitters?

I am more than willing to answer any other holes. I am just walking around cleaning my apartment for some reason.

I think only she can fill in the blanks at this point Either way, I think you should move on and meet someone single instead. This is trouble and pointless headaches that nobody needs. stn's advice is fine. I don't think it's absolutely necessary to remove her from your life, based on what we know, but I'd wash my hands of this particular dilemma fast.

 

[The_Inquisitor]

I think only she can fill in the blanks at this point Either way, I think you should move on and meet someone single instead. This is trouble and pointless headaches that nobody needs. stn's advice is fine. I don't think it's absolutely necessary to remove her from your life, based on what we know, but I'd wash my hands of this particular dilemma fast.

I think I am going with a rapid "simmer away" approach. I'll be frank that I don't think it's a good idea to meet alone with her Friday 2 days after she got engaged. I'll then judge the situation based on her response. I know I must sound like an idiot. But sometimes, you need someone to confirm what you already know. Thanks.

 

[Minamu]

I think I am going with a rapid "simmer away" approach. I'll be frank that I don't think it's a good idea to meet alone with her Friday 2 days after she got engaged. I'll then judge the situation based on her response. I know I must sound like an idiot. But sometimes, you need someone to confirm what you already know. Thanks.

Yeah you're right about not seeing her. It doesn't seem like a bright idea, assuming this engagement thing is for real. No need to apologize to us

 

[Sanky Panky]

I think I am going with a rapid "simmer away" approach. I'll be frank that I don't think it's a good idea to meet alone with her Friday 2 days after she got engaged. I'll then judge the situation based on her response. I know I must sound like an idiot. But sometimes, you need someone to confirm what you already know. Thanks.

Yeah you need to come clean with her and tell her that you may still have feelings deep down, and that you won't mess with an engaged woman. She probably has the same curiosity/feelings as you, but since you didn't push for it, she went with the safe bet (or a spur of the moment thing).

It feels like she wants to test the waters with you before she's married.