Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.

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I don't think you should tell either anything. Why would you? Wait until Ann gets back, see if there's any chemistry when you meet and if there isn't, you can focus your attention on Sarah.

Sarah honestly seems wishy-washy and indecisive, so it would be wiser to play things by ear and see what happens rather than just blurt out what you're doing or who you're talking to.
 
Lazy said:
I've become very close with this girl that lives abroad. We hung out a bit prior to her leaving, however, that was at a time when she was still getting over her ex. Before either of us can be sure about anything, however, we have to hang out a lot more (obviously). The dynamic may be much different in person than it is over text. That being said, we have both admitted to having feelings for each other and are both looking forward to her return, which will be this fall. Lets call her Ann.

There's another girl I was seeing last year - we went out on about 10 dates, but nothing official materialized. That being said, we are very good friends and I care for her. At times, she passes hints that she might want more than friendship (I think) but overall I don't know where she stands in terms of us getting into a relationship. However, she hasn't made any moves and I don't plan to until I know where things stand with Ann. Lets call this girl Sarah.

My question is: should I tell Sarah about Ann? I think Sarah is unsure how she feels about me - sometimes she sees us more as friends, other times only as friends. I feel like Sarah should know that I am talking to Ann. That being said, Ann could come back here and it may fall flat on my face if we don't have a connection. If I mention Ann to Sarah, I wonder if I am blowing any future possibilities with Sarah.

I want to be a good guy, without shooting myself in the foot.
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I wouldn't mention Ann to Sarah. Been in a similar situation, was going steady for a month with a really nice girl. I was attracted to an intern at work and decided to be honest and tell her that. I felt guilty towards my GF. Shit went south and I lost an amazing girl.
 
Denzar said:
I wouldn't mention Ann to Sarah. Been in a similar situation, was going steady for a month with a really nice girl. I was attracted to an intern at work and decided to be honest and tell her that. I felt guilty towards my GF. Shit went south and I lost an amazing girl.
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Why would anyone ever think this is the right move?
 
Denzar said:
I wouldn't mention Ann to Sarah. Been in a similar situation, was going steady for a month with a really nice girl. I was attracted to an intern at work and decided to be honest and tell her that. I felt guilty towards my GF. Shit went south and I lost an amazing girl.
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Wtf, it's inevitable you're going to feel attraction towards other people, why would it be an issue unless you're acting on it?
 
ZackieChan said:
Why would anyone ever think this is the right move?
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I thought so at the time. In hindsight, a terrible move indeed.

bluethree said:
Wtf, it's inevitable you're going to feel attraction towards other people, why would it be an issue unless you're acting on it?
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Never acted on it. My second relationship, very little experience with those kind of things. I thought it would be best to be totally open and honest with her.

Experience. The name men give to their mistakes, I guess...
 
I enjoy reading the advice given when I needed it but man is this thread just a wreaking havoc on me when I don't. It's planting seeds of doubt whenever I read a situation similar to mine.
 
I went to a rave with the girl I have a crush on last night. We couldn't dance but we had fun for the most part. ( It kinda stunk because people at anime conventions don't bathe) hung out in her hotel room too. No sexy time.
 
Gooch: The Destroyer said:
I went to a rave with the girl I have a crush on last night. We couldn't dance but we had fun for the most part. ( It kinda stunk because people at anime conventions don't bathe) hung out in her hotel room too. No sexy time.
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Sounds like you're just friends...

No_Style said:
I enjoy reading the advice given when I needed it but man is this thread just a wreaking havoc on me when I don't. It's planting seeds of doubt whenever I read a situation similar to mine.
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Stop getting into those situations? Every post here is answered with good advice that should help you to avoid the issue in the first place. Otherwise, it's really not a big deal. You're allowed to make mistakes. I make them all the time, as do the other advice givers here.
 
Yeah, there seems to be this aura that the people who give advice in this thread have stopped making mistakes a long time ago. Like Zackie said, we still make mistakes. We have just learned how to minimise them or not repeat them as often.

The single most important thing you can do is learn from your mistakes.
 
GK86 said:
Yeah, there seems to be this aura that the people who give advice in this thread have stopped making mistakes a long time ago. Like Zackie said, we still make mistakes. We have just learned how to minimise them or not repeat them as often.

The single most important thing you can do is learn from your mistakes.
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That's not the problem for me. It's more like:

"I'm content with where my situation is heading and we seem to be totally connecting. Let's see what's up in this thread."

*read thread*

"Huh. Maybe it's not going as well as I thought? Am I reading the situation wrong? Hmm... Should I start readjusting? Reaffirming intentions?"

I know every situation and person is different and not all advice is applicable but I cannot help but wonder.
 
Zaraki_Kenpachi said:
Haha, definitely but it's someone who was always really private and would get mad or upset when people would talk about sex and stuff and it's just like how do I explain this to you? I don't think I can without you getting mad. Also, all the people who ask me stuff, like this try too hard to make it black and white and get mad at me when I try to tell them it's not. Like I honestly don't know why people are so into the nurse fetish, I'm not but they'll take it as it's those weird guys who are into that. And it's sweet that they apparently view my opinion that highly or whatever but I'm not trying to speak for all men lol.

A large part of it too was I was so bad at dating and stuff for so long that it's weird/funny to me to have people coming to me for advice for god know whatever reason. :lol
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Why are they getting mad at you if they ask you? Lol.

I mean, I don't know fuck all, but if I asked, I wouldn't get mad haha.

Maybe they see you as non-threatening if you were bad at it for so long? Lol.
 
Leeness said:
Why are they getting mad at you if they ask you? Lol.

I mean, I don't know fuck all, but if I asked, I wouldn't get mad haha.

Maybe they see you as non-threatening if you were bad at it for so long? Lol.
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I'm not sure if they would get mad, but they used to get really uncomfortable and push to change the topic and thought things were gross and such where maybe they won't get mad but that's my only experience with them so I don't really want to go down that road. The way the phrase it too is that they think all that stuff is weird before asking about it so I just don't know how to explain things like that to someone who doesn't have much understanding and isn't particularly open minded. I never really talked much dating with them or knew them then so not really sure they would know.

Edit: It's just one of those times where it feels like it's more that someone wants a person agreeing with them that's weird or whatever than genuinely curious, or that's how I kind of take it.
 
Advocatus Diaboli said:
The same post that I had to read three times to confirm that you didn't have a nurse fetish! I think it's "How do I explain this to you without you getting mad?" Hence, implying that others would get mad -- in this case, Leeness.

It's confusing. Maybe we should all just hug this out.
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:lol I just misread her post and edited mine now. And maybe I'm playing the long game on my nurse fetish ;(
 
Zaraki_Kenpachi said:
I'm not sure if they would get mad, but they used to get really uncomfortable and push to change the topic and thought things were gross and such where maybe they won't get mad but that's my only experience with them so I don't really want to go down that road. The way the phrase it too is that they think all that stuff is weird before asking about it so I just don't know how to explain things like that to someone who doesn't have much understanding and isn't particularly open minded. I never really talked much dating with them or knew them then so not really sure they would know.

Edit: It's just one of those times where it feels like it's more that someone wants a person agreeing with them that's weird or whatever than genuinely curious, or that's how I kind of take it.
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Oh I see.

rashida-jones-the-office-shrug-gif.gif
 
Advocatus Diaboli said:
image.php
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:Lol at least I wasn't the only one who associated those two images. And yeah, not a big deal just something I thought was funny and had happened a lot in the past month for some reason. 😁


Gooch: The Destroyer said:
She told a mutual friend of ours. According to him, it didn't seem to bother her. Not sure if that's a good or bad thing.

I guess it wouldn't hurt to try.
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I don't know, if it were me I'd decide to do something or never do something pretty quick or you're just asking to be miserable.
 
Went to my first party last night (i talked about it last time i posted here), had fun, it was pretty interesting.

fucking wasted lol ended up falling asleep on my friend's couch, left at 6 am

drinking kind of helped me socialize and dance (badly), and I was touching/ hugging a lot of guys lol (not girls though too shy even drunk lol :p), but still pretty wild for me.

There was a girl I was attracted to but I wasn't quite drunk enough to act on it ^^ i started to feel sick so I decided to stop lol
 
Zaraki_Kenpachi said:
:Lol at least I wasn't the only one who associated those two images. And yeah, not a big deal just something I thought was funny and had happened a lot in the past month for some reason. 😁



I don't know, if it were me I'd decide to do something or never do something pretty quick or you're just asking to be miserable.
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Alright. How should I word it? Just admit what she already knows?
 
Ay gaf, I'm 23 years old, been single for about a year and a half. I'm way better looking than I was when my last relationship ended since I took up weightlifting a year ago, got way stronger, lost a bunch of weight. and stopped having acne. However, I'm going to be transferring to a big university soon, which I haven't been at since I was 18. I know what this means: lots of opportunities to socialize with women I've never met. However, I'm kind of concerned about the age gap. I know that age isn't a direct indicator of maturity, but I find a lot of people in the 18-21 range to be unbearably childish. How big of a problem do you think that's gonna be for possible dating and such things?
 
GrizzNKev said:
Ay gaf, I'm 23 years old, been single for about a year and a half. I'm way better looking than I was when my last relationship ended since I took up weightlifting a year ago, got way stronger, lost a bunch of weight. and stopped having acne. However, I'm going to be transferring to a big university soon, which I haven't been at since I was 18. I know what this means: lots of opportunities to socialize with women I've never met. However, I'm kind of concerned about the age gap. I know that age isn't a direct indicator of maturity, but I find a lot of people in the 18-21 range to be unbearably childish. How big of a problem do you think that's gonna be for possible dating and such things?
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Forget about age and just take people on a an individual basis. You'll no doubt meet plenty that disrupt your experience at both ends of the scale.

More importantly have a blast!
 
GrizzNKev said:
What about the other way around? Are people in that younger range going to be put off by me being much older than them?
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Bro, you're like 2 years older than them or 1 year older than a senior in college. You're making a much larger deal of this than it is. I was 2 years older than everyone in college and no one even noticed, no one asks your age. Hell even people at my company get my age wrong. Honestly, no one cares unless you make it an issue.
 
Zaraki_Kenpachi said:
Bro, you're like 2 years older than them or 1 year older than a senior in college. You're making a much larger deal of this than it is. I was 2 years older than everyone in college and no one even noticed, no one asks your age. Hell even people at my company get my age wrong. Honestly, no one cares unless you make it an issue.
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Yeah, you're right. I'm just tired of being lonely and let dumb stuff worry me.
 
GrizzNKev said:
Yeah, you're right. I'm just tired of being lonely and let dumb stuff worry me.
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Yeah, don't sweat it. I think there was a bigger age gap when I started college, I was at least 2 years older and I'm 4-5 years older than some of my friends so it's fine. Most of them forget I'm not their age anyhow. Don't worry about age, treat people like individuals. Some will be really childish even as seniors, some will be super mature as freshman like some of my friends were. It really comes down to the person. Also, yeah people are young and may do stupid shit, as long as it's not like major criminal shit or something then you have to ease up. You're older now but you probably did stupid shit or at minimum shit you regret now that you're older. Just go with the flow, I had zero issues and again most didn't realize until years later with some that I wasn't their age because no says what their age is.
 
Cross-posting from the Online Dating thread:

Date went pretty damn solid. Didn't make out with her but the conversation went really well as we had a lot in common. She called it a night because she was tired. I need to have low expectations more often. She paid for my drink and hers so I got her next time. I think meditating on the train helped since I wasn't nervous.

Nice, thick body and a cool personality plus she made me laugh which is always a turn on for me. Definitely will follow up with her although she hinted that she's going to be out of town next weekend to attend a family member's graduation. Next date with a girl will be on Tuesday.
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Tinder is a struggle when the convo slowly trudges along. Tried to get her number and she said she'd love to put she loses faces and names with numbers unless we met up, then I was like "so when do you want to meet up" and I've had nothing in response yet, then again she responded later in the evening last night and we had a little convo and it just ended.

Just keep swimming I guess.
 
Blitzrules240 said:
Tinder is a struggle when the convo slowly trudges along. Tried to get her number and she said she'd love to put she loses faces and names with numbers unless we met up, then I was like "so when do you want to meet up" and I've had nothing in response yet, then again she responded later in the evening last night and we had a little convo and it just ended.

Just keep swimming I guess.
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Don't ask when she wants to meet up. Tell her you want to meet up tonight/tomorrow/whenever at a certain time at a certain place. That gives her something concrete to respond to, and shows confidence on your part.
 
ZackieChan said:
Don't ask when she wants to meet up. Tell her you want to meet up tonight/tomorrow/whenever at a certain time at a certain place. That gives her something concrete to respond to, and shows confidence on your part.
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Good point. Thanks Mr. Chan

I do let the women be in control way too often.

I need to change up the game, I've done it before and picked where I wanted to meet up/have a date, so yeah, I can totally do this.
 
Blitzrules240 said:
Good point. Thanks Mr. Chan

I do let the women be in control way too often.

I need to change up the game, I've done it before and picked where I wanted to meet up/have a date, so yeah, I can totally do this.
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Yes, take control. If I've learned one thing from the women I've dated, it's that they respect that or find it attractive.
 
ZackieChan said:
Yes, take control. If I've learned one thing from the women I've dated, it's that they respect that or find it attractive.
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So much this. It's so frustrating when a guy doesn't take any control and just says "yeah we should meet up soon" when dude? I need to mentally plan for this shit!
 
I baked cookies and gave some to a guy in a container. Other than expressing that the cookies were delicious, couldn't he at least offer to return the container to me? Lol wtf...

Are guys abscent minded like that? Hahahaha
 
NetMapel said:
I baked cookies and gave some to a guy in a container. Other than expressing that the cookies were delicious, couldn't he at least offer to return the container to me? Lol wtf...

Are guys abscent minded like that? Hahahaha
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Yes. Common sense isn't that common. Don't do that.
I'd return the container but I know my roommate wouldn't, and he's a nice guy, it just wouldn't occur to him.

ZackieChan said:
Yes, take control. If I've learned one thing from the women I've dated, it's that they respect that or find it attractive.
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Lucian Cat said:
So much this. It's so frustrating when a guy doesn't take any control and just says "yeah we should meet up soon" when dude? I need to mentally plan for this shit!
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Exactly. There's a balance of course, but for dates and such pick a time and place : "Hey I know a cool place downtown that has live music on Friday, pick you up at 8PM?" goes a lot better than "When are you free? We should do something."
Dating is a game still - as most of life is - and balance has become my favorite word. There's a line you need to find with all things, such as the difference between cocky and arrogant. Success in dating has a lot to do in finding these lines.
 
Had another great time with that girl. I kinda suck at sex tho. Like I think I was below average on the Friday night and the next morning I just couldn't finish. Then i could later when she used her hand. I think I've got that brain on porn/too much masturbation thing. She said that she could tell I'm inexperienced but that it wasn't a bad thing, and she was super nice about the whole thing. I never thought lasting too long would be a problem. I was sweating like Rocco Siffredi in the morning. The fact that my comparison goes straight to porn isn't a good thing probably. Haven't even watched any in a couple of weeks. Gotta retrain or something. She had a toothbrush for me though and said we'd leave it there for next time. Which is a good sign I guess. She's in America for 10 days now anyway. Said to get in touch when she comes back.

NOW: where does that whole thing rank in the 'most embarrassing'' postings in this thread? Top 4?
 
Tdog987 said:
She cancelled at the last hour :(
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She after she cancelled at the last hour, I got really really down. So that I night I pounded pavement on pof and Okcupid

At the end of the night I got 4 dates (today-wed) lined up

Tonight is a girl from pof. She was dumb and didn't read my profile (says I don't want kids, but she does) before clicking the "wants to meet me button. She world retail. Looks ok, but She smokes pot and uses words like dope and yo...this is one is to knock of the dating rust, since it's been a year and a half since my last 1st date. Best case scenario is getting laid I guess. Her fault for not reading. She did text me last night (at 9:30) wanting me to meet her for happy hour, but I declined since I was tired and it would have taken me 40 min to get there. For the date, we are going to Applebee's for happy hour

Monday is the one with the most potential. Chubby asain from Okcupid. We had great texting back and forths. This is the weirdest date...she wanted to go to jack I box for dinner. I offered something fancier, but she declined. There is a coffee shop right next to there, so we can make another stop. This will be the fanciest I ever dress up for jack in the box

Tuesday is a pof girl. This one is super direct and kind of loud I imagine. We know an area of where we are going out, but we decided to pick a restaurant when we meet. Then go for a walk afterward. She is s theater costume designer. I'm not holding out much hope for this one

Wed is a girl from Okcupid. She is a big movie buff, so she even put in her screen name. We are going to see capstan America. We had good texting Chem. I hold out more hope than sun and tue, but not mon. We'll probably grab something to eat afterward, so we can actually talk

I have a date on pof 90% set up...don't know much about her bc she didn't have much of a profile. We decided on movie and dinner, but just trying to figure out if we do it Thursday or Friday


Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

As with the girl that cancelled...probably gonna text her tomorrow or Tuesday and see if she wants to reschedule. She wants sex and I want sex, so I'm hopeful this will be rescheduled
 
Kindekuma said:
Thanks for the prep talk, got her number today. Let's see how things play out!
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Need an update on this stat! I'm curious to see how this has been going.

n64coder said:
@Jhoan - rooting for you! Glad that you have been going on these dates and having fun.
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Thanks! After a string of dates where either I wasn't feeling it or the other party wasn't feeling it as well as countless flakes and a ghost, hopefully the streak of dates that went nowhere ends. I feel like the less I know about a girl such as this one, the better it goes since expectations on both ends are low. I normally don't follow up with girls but since I really liked how this one went (she paid for both our drinks), I'll give her the benefit of the doubt. I'm going to see if I meet up with her again on Wednesday night.

The aforementioned Tuesday one sounds like a casual fling because that girl threw me a few subtle innuendos so good chance my several month dry spell might come to an end. I can only hope that she doesn't turn out to be a clingy type. Nonetheless, I'll post an update on how that end up going.

I'm trying to set something up for Thursday night with a girl from OKC but she responds SUPER slowly to texts. The only other lead I have is with a Mexican girl who's number I got from CMB a few weeks ago but things fell off with her but she's out of town for another week. I contacted her on Friday but she got bored once I steered the conversation to something different. I'll follow up with her next week asking her out for drinks. If she makes up an excuse, I'll move on

@Tdog, you're on a roll man! Good luck with all of those gauntlet of dates! Hopefully at least 2 of them pan out.
 
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