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[Your Entertainer]

I can't win DatingGAF...

Come back from Lunch, she texts me "I know you'll be upset but I've had a shitty week and my back is killing me. I'm gonna take a nap when I get home and text you later if I'm down to hang".

I texted back that I was somewhat upset but there's nothing I can do about it. But I also sent a second text saying I could come over if she wanted company after she's rested and we could talk and chill, we don't need to make a spectacle of it.

Is this a red flag? All the excuses, she seems sincere about it all and I enjoyed meeting her that I'm not ready to bail but fuck, I could use a win right about now.

You are dripping with desperation and it's obvious. You messed up texting her that you were upset. You can't force someone to want to hang out with you, so don't force the issue.

If you don't want to be held waiting for her, move on to the next one man.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

I can't win DatingGAF...

Come back from Lunch, she texts me "I know you'll be upset but I've had a shitty week and my back is killing me. I'm gonna take a nap when I get home and text you later if I'm down to hang".

I texted back that I was somewhat upset but there's nothing I can do about it. But I also sent a second text saying I could come over if she wanted company after she's rested and we could talk and chill, we don't need to make a spectacle of it.

Is this a red flag? All the excuses, she seems sincere about it all and I enjoyed meeting her that I'm not ready to bail but fuck, I could use a win right about now.

Wait, what's the backstory that you said you're upset at her potentially cancelling?

 

[Cudder]

I can't win DatingGAF...

Come back from Lunch, she texts me "I know you'll be upset but I've had a shitty week and my back is killing me. I'm gonna take a nap when I get home and text you later if I'm down to hang".

I texted back that I was somewhat upset but there's nothing I can do about it. But I also sent a second text saying I could come over if she wanted company after she's rested and we could talk and chill, we don't need to make a spectacle of it.

Is this a red flag? All the excuses, she seems sincere about it all and I enjoyed meeting her that I'm not ready to bail but fuck, I could use a win right about now.

The red flags are coming from you, looking at it from her perspective. I don't know what it is with this board with all of the clinging to other people they barely know. Should've just said "Ok cool, hope you feel better." and left it at that.

 

[Spacebar]

I can't win DatingGAF...

Come back from Lunch, she texts me "I know you'll be upset but I've had a shitty week and my back is killing me. I'm gonna take a nap when I get home and text you later if I'm down to hang".

I texted back that I was somewhat upset but there's nothing I can do about it. But I also sent a second text saying I could come over if she wanted company after she's rested and we could talk and chill, we don't need to make a spectacle of it.

Is this a red flag? All the excuses, she seems sincere about it all and I enjoyed meeting her that I'm not ready to bail but fuck, I could use a win right about now.

Second text was a mistake def after the first text. Play it cool and put the ball back in her court. Tell her to let you know when she is free to meet again and leave it at that. You come across as desperate and not valuing your own time.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

Went on a first date last night.

Arranged through Tinder, but the girl recognised me from my work (I'm a waiter at a popular local restaurant). I had nfi who she was though.

We grabbed a couple drinks at a bar. It was nice and awkward, lots of silences, but I still feel like it went well. She was very sarcastic saying "shut up" and stuff to me when the convo died, and we had a bit of back and forth with the sarcastic comments which was fun, and is something I do to my friends constantly so I'm glad she has the same sense of humour.

Towards the end of the night she started playing footsies with my under the table so I guess she enjoyed herself too, but after I just ended up giving her a hug and saying we should do something fun next time.

So yeah, I'll invite her to something and if she accepts then I'm all in. Maybe bowling or something.

She recognized you from your work. That's clearly a sign of interest. Go for it!

So I met this girl on tinder and shes super awesome, we went on 4 dates so far and they have been great. She goes to school but outf state but not really insanely far, she wasn't really expecting to meet anyone off of tinder let alone go on dates since it was a joke. Anyway she brought up that she was unsure where it was going, but we have two more dates before she leaves. I don't know if ots too early or what but I really like her, I'm guessing unsure is basically not going any further than that? I'm 23 btw.

The two more dates are planned already? If you like her, then tell her (4 dates is a good number, but "too early" is subjective). Try to find a way to make the distance work.

 

[Mory Dunz]

I can't win DatingGAF...

Come back from Lunch, she texts me "I know you'll be upset but I've had a shitty week and my back is killing me. I'm gonna take a nap when I get home and text you later if I'm down to hang".

I texted back that I was somewhat upset but there's nothing I can do about it. But I also sent a second text saying I could come over if she wanted company after she's rested and we could talk and chill, we don't need to make a spectacle of it.

Is this a red flag? All the excuses, she seems sincere about it all and I enjoyed meeting her that I'm not ready to bail but fuck, I could use a win right about now.

oh noes. no noes.
she said "I'll text you later if I'm down to hang"

I mean, she put the ball in her own court. You could've just not responded period lol.

Or sent something like:

She recognized you from your work. That's clearly a sign of interest. Go for it!

there shouldn't be any doubt after the foot thing

 

[Blitzrules240]

Wait, what's the backstory that you said you're upset at her potentially cancelling?

Well it seems like I'm at fault but plans seemed solidified as of Thursday and I thought it was a sure thing but for her to cancel now just seems like she's letting me down easily.

I only sent the 2nd text because well shit idk I'm just winging it at this point. She probably does think I'm desperate. This is terrible.

Guess I'll just wait it out...

 

[Spacebar]

Well it seems like I'm at fault but plans seemed solidified as of Thursday and I thought it was a sure thing but for her to cancel now just seems like she's letting me down easily.

I only sent the 2nd text because well shit idk I'm just winging it at this point. She probably does think I'm desperate. This is terrible.

Guess I'll just wait it out...

Don't over think things. She may actually not feel well. If she does text you tonight saying she feels better and ready to hang out I would probably tell her I made new plans after she cancelled. This shows her you're not wrapped around her finger. You have to respect your time. It's the most valuable thing you can give someone.

 

[gwailo]

^ Pretty much. After she said "maybe I'll text you later" I would have just said "ok" and then made new plans. Either she wants to go out or not, a nap isn't going to change things. Unless you're in a committed relationship, don't make the person you're scheduled to date your one and only social outlet. Either keep finding people to date on OLD or make plans with your friends. Sitting around on a Friday staring at your phone waiting for a text is just super desperate and clingy and will make you feel like shit.

 

[Draconestra]

^ Pretty much. After she said "maybe I'll text you later" I would have just said "ok" and then made new plans. Either she wants to go out or not, a nap isn't going to change things. Unless you're in a committed relationship, don't make the person you're scheduled to date your one and only social outlet. Either keep finding people to date on OLD or make plans with your friends. Sitting around on a Friday staring at your phone waiting for a text is just super desperate and clingy and will make you feel like shit.

Amen, I've been doing this by accident with a close friend, and.... It looks clingy as shit. So now I corrected that and I'm spending time with other people.

 

[Blitzrules240]

Don't over think things. She may actually not feel well. If she does text you tonight saying she feels better and ready to hang out I would probably tell her I made new plans after she cancelled. This shows her you're not wrapped around her finger. You have to respect your time. It's the most valuable thing you can give someone.

^ Pretty much. After she said "maybe I'll text you later" I would have just said "ok" and then made new plans. Either she wants to go out or not, a nap isn't going to change things. Unless you're in a committed relationship, don't make the person you're scheduled to date your one and only social outlet. Either keep finding people to date on OLD or make plans with your friends. Sitting around on a Friday staring at your phone waiting for a text is just super desperate and clingy and will make you feel like shit.

That's kinda where I'm at right now and you've kinda nailed it on the head. I do feel desperate, clingy, and I've been in a bad mood since I got home from work...

I'm playing the victim when the real victim is the girl who dealt with my over kindness. I care too much about the girls I date. And I know, dating is all about numbers but I seem to get invested in them way too early on. Then again, she's been open with me so I felt like I was making breakthroughs.

Part of me wants to think all of this is coincidental and she does like me but the defeatist in me is thinking she's trying to make me take a hint and to fuck off. So those two are at war right now.

All in all going back to what Gwailo told me, I do need to go do something tonight. So I guess I'll see what my friends are up to. I just need to get over myself and this pity party I'm having.

 

[ZackieChan]

Come on dude, get it together. You met this girl once?

No one is a victim here. Get over that shit.

 

[Blitzrules240]

Come on dude, get it together. You met this girl once?

No one is a victim here. Get over that shit.

You're right, I'm in the wrong mindset once again. I seem to be quite dramatic with the way I word things. I'm making a big deal out of nothing. It was a nice first encounter but I'm probably going overboard once again. I need to learn to handle rejections and cancellations better.

I feel like I take one step forward and two steps back with every girl I meet. There's gotta be a solution to my woes...

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

You're right, I'm in the wrong mindset once again. I seem to be quite dramatic with the way I word things. I'm making a big deal out of nothing. It was a nice first encounter but I'm probably going overboard once again. I need to learn to handle rejections and cancellations better.

I feel like I take one step forward and two steps back with every girl I meet. There's gotta be a solution to my woes...

Be honest and authentic about your feelings and mirror her investment. That's really about it.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

You're right, I'm in the wrong mindset once again. I seem to be quite dramatic with the way I word things. I'm making a big deal out of nothing. It was a nice first encounter but I'm probably going overboard once again. I need to learn to handle rejections and cancellations better.

I feel like I take one step forward and two steps back with every girl I meet. There's gotta be a solution to my woes...

When she said I may get back to you I woulda just been like, "I'm gonna go out with my friends if that's the case".

Like why are you letting someone put you on "maybe ifs"? Forget girl woes. How the fuck are you gonna plan your enjoyment around that weak ass statement? If she want to chill she gon

 

[Royal_Phalanx]

So I went 'fuck it' and saw an escort after doing my research. Turned out it paid off because I ended up seeing a really nice girl who was pretty understanding. We chatted a bit before fucking and she was doing escorting alongside her regular (very good) job to help save up for a master's degree, and because she enjoys sex, basically. She voted for brexit whilst I didn't, lol. As it turns out, yeah, everyone was right when they say sex is a really trivial thing. Don't know what I was so worried about, really, I feel stupid for being so bothered about it. It really isn't that difficult. Couldn't finish with the condom on, so I had to jack off on her tits (she insisted on me doing it because she's really into it).Really gained some perspective here, and I feel like I'm more chilled out about the whole thing now. I didn't get hopelessly attached, btw. Fun, but probably wouldn't do it again, improving my game will be so much more satisfying.

 

[HoopzBarkley]

The two more dates are planned already? If you like her, then tell her (4 dates is a good number, but "too early" is subjective). Try to find a way to make the distance work.

Sorry forgot to check this, yeah were hanging out saturday and sunday before she has to leave. I've told her I liked her and all that. That's when she said she was unsure where things are going.

 

[Blitzrules240]

So I went 'fuck it' and saw an escort after doing my research. Turned out it paid off because I ended up seeing a really nice girl who was pretty understanding. We chatted a bit before fucking and she was doing escorting alongside her regular (very good) job to help save up for a master's degree, and because she enjoys sex, basically. She voted for brexit whilst I didn't, lol. As it turns out, yeah, everyone was right when they say sex is a really trivial thing. Don't know what I was so worried about, really, I feel stupid for being so bothered about it. It really isn't that difficult. Couldn't finish with the condom on, so I had to jack off on her tits (she insisted on me doing it because she's really into it).Really gained some perspective here, and I feel like I'm more chilled out about the whole thing now. I didn't get hopelessly attached, btw. Fun, but probably wouldn't do it again, improving my game will be so much more satisfying.

All I can say is well done. It's all systems go from here. Don't you feel better and more confident now? I sure did.

 

[OfficerRaichu15]

I guess since i asked someone out I can join in on the thread. Hey guys.

 

[norm9]

...so I had to jack off on her tits (she insisted on me doing it because she's really into it).

Did you ask for a discount since it was self-service?

 

[Blitzrules240]

Well she texted me "hey sorry" and we had a little chat and then I asked her if she'd like to try bowling another night so ball is back in her court.

LeBron James, I am not.

But the "hey sorry" seems genuine so I do believe she does mean well. We're just hitting snags.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Well she texted me "hey sorry" and we had a little chat and then I asked her if she'd like to try bowling another night so ball is back in her court.

LeBron James, I am not.

But the "hey sorry" seems genuine so I do believe she does mean well. We're just hitting snags.

I'm going to offer you one piece of advice: stop trying to figure out the meaning of text messages. That way lies madness. Also, you played that wrong. You offered an alternative date without suggesting a night, when really, you're already more invested than she is (and she can tell this, by the way, because they always can).

When this happens again, simply say: "Hope you feel better! Let me know when you want to get together again."

Her apology probably is genuine. People generally aren't shitty. But that doesn't mean she's interested; it also doesn't mean she's not interested. You'll know if she's interested if you actually meet up again.

Basically, it's this: you're posting entirely too much about a girl you met once. (I'm not trying to discourage the posting, but I think someone earlier divined the Iron Law of Dating-Age |OT|, which is the amount of fucks you give about someone is inversely proportional to the amount of fucks you have with someone.)

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

Well she texted me "hey sorry" and we had a little chat and then I asked her if she'd like to try bowling another night so ball is back in her court.

LeBron James, I am not.

But the "hey sorry" seems genuine so I do believe she does mean well. We're just hitting snags.

You ask for specific days... People have to be more assertive and stop waiting for the other person to do everything. You could have easily responded with hey, glad you're feeling better. Want to go bowling thursday or friday next week?

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

You ask for specific days... People have to be more assertive and stop waiting for the other person to do everything. You could have easily responded with hey, glad you're feeling better. Want to go bowling thursday or friday next week?

Yeah, this. That works too. Either "bowling Thursday night?" or "let me know when you feel better." I'd err on the side of the former, because that's how I am, but yeah. Be assertive. Be authentic with your feelings.

 

[Blitzrules240]

Alright, well said everyone.

Might need to get off this shinking ship though. She just told me the main reason she cancelled "I'm just lazy"*

Soooo?



*Well I didn't ask her straight up but she responded with that.

No more updates.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Alright, well said everyone.

Might need to get off this shinking ship though. She just told me the main reason she cancelled "I'm just lazy"*

Soooo?



*Well I didn't ask her straight up but she responded with that.

No more updates.

Why would you want to pursue a person who literally prioritizes sitting on her ass over getting to know you?

 

[Blitzrules240]

Why would you want to pursue a person who literally prioritizes sitting on her ass over getting to know you?

I don't really. I'm just gonna let this one go. I sure know how to pick em.

Thanks for the advice tonight btw AD.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

I don't really. I'm just gonna let this one go. I sure know how to pick em.

Thanks for the advice tonight btw AD.

Yeah, so, my second-to-last ex. I remember getting a grouptext between her and the dude she had on the side (open relationship), with her cheering that she wasn't pregnant, because we jointly bought her a pregnancy test off of Amazon. And my recent ex? You can review the last few pages about her, but a few of the highlights include calling me unattractive, badmouthing my friends for being uncultured, and never integrating into my life. And that persisted for months.

The fact that you're letting go instead of pursuing something obviously incompatible is a good thing. Mutual rejection is a wonderful screening tool. Feel better about yourself, please. It's one thing to suffer a heart-wrenching breakup; it's another to just find someone you're not right for.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

I don't really. I'm just gonna let this one go. I sure know how to pick em.

Thanks for the advice tonight btw AD.

For the record. This isn't your GF so you haven't picked anything. So rejoice in the fact that you legit can just walk away from this with nothing lost.

 

[Blitzrules240]

For the record. This isn't your GF so you haven't picked anything. So rejoice in the fact that you legit can just walk away from this with nothing lost.

I meant women I choose to date but you're not wrong lol. And I am picky, I've not pursued some women who've liked me on OKC because I wasn't physically or mentally attracted to them.

 

[Jhoan]

So I made the dumb mistake of not asking for an Israeli girl's number I met through volunteering at an event yesterday and today; she asked for my business card last night. I doubt she's going to follow up with me despite her saying so and I don't want to go the Facebook route of finding her since that always leads to a dead end. I guess I've reached a stalemate.=/ Advice?

 

[Gotdatmoney]

I meant women I choose to date but you're not wrong lol. And I am picky, I've not pursued some women who've liked me on OKC because I wasn't physically or mentally attracted to them.

I dunno how you can decide you are not mentally attracted to someone just from a dating profile. Physically sure but personality is pretty difficult for people to emphasize in text.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

So I made the dumb mistake of not asking for an Israeli girl's number I met through volunteering at an event yesterday and today; she asked for my business card last night. I doubt she's going to follow up with me despite her saying so and I don't want to go the Facebook route of finding her since that always leads to a dead end. I guess I've reached a stalemate.=/ Advice?

I see nothing wrong with adding her on Facebook if you hit it off and she asked for a card and expressed interest in following up. Also, man, you're barging in on my target demographic. (Props.)

I'll say this again: be authentic and honest. It's only "creepy" if it's forced. Add her on FB. If she accepts, message her. Say that you made the mistake of not asking for her number, and then ask her out. If she accepts, you win. If she doesn't reply, then unfollow her and unfriend later on. If she doesn't confirm your friend invite, then move on.

 

[obin_gam]

How is the morality level in which you want to hang out with someone who is already taken? I know I shouldn't, but i kinda want to :/

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

How is the morality level in which you want to hang out with someone who is already taken? I know I shouldn't, but i kinda want to :/

Set aside morality. You already know the answer to that.

You'll hang out with someone who's taken, and she'll not show interest in you. You'll make yourself miserable. Or, perhaps, she'll cheat with you, in which case, you'll never be able to trust her because she's a cheater.

Are either of these scenarios good?

 

[obin_gam]

If I set aside morality I only get selfish thoughts, together with the facts that I, as you say, know the probable outcome. It'll become some dort of self inflicted emotional torture

 

[Jhoan]

I see nothing wrong with adding her on Facebook if you hit it off and she asked for a card and expressed interest in following up. Also, man, you're barging in on my target demographic. (Props.)

I'll say this again: be authentic and honest. It's only "creepy" if it's forced. Add her on FB. If she accepts, message her. Say that you made the mistake of not asking for her number, and then ask her out. If she accepts, you win. If she doesn't reply, then unfollow her and unfriend later on. If she doesn't confirm your friend invite, then move on.

Me hammered because it's bro's birthday. Will try to find on Facebook. Know her name but heard something about "husband." Dunno if husband lives with her or she moved to city with husband. Only way to know is to say fuck it and find her. Screw rejection.

 

[Salamando]

Asked out girl from earlier, got a date for Tonight! She even invited me to her improv classes' show on Wed!

Vaguely mentioned a concert to her, but I think picking something where I can talk to her works better. I'll ask which she'd prefer: Minigolf and Mexican, or Indian and drinks.

 

[Benzychenz]

She recognized you from your work. That's clearly a sign of interest. Go for it!

there shouldn't be any doubt after the foot thing

Tried to message her now that I finished work to organise the second date but Tinder is giving me server errors, should have gotten her number lol

Thinking bowling is a good choice.

 

[Messofanego]

So I went 'fuck it' and saw an escort after doing my research. Turned out it paid off because I ended up seeing a really nice girl who was pretty understanding. We chatted a bit before fucking and she was doing escorting alongside her regular (very good) job to help save up for a master's degree, and because she enjoys sex, basically. She voted for brexit whilst I didn't, lol. As it turns out, yeah, everyone was right when they say sex is a really trivial thing. Don't know what I was so worried about, really, I feel stupid for being so bothered about it. It really isn't that difficult. Couldn't finish with the condom on, so I had to jack off on her tits (she insisted on me doing it because she's really into it).Really gained some perspective here, and I feel like I'm more chilled out about the whole thing now. I didn't get hopelessly attached, btw. Fun, but probably wouldn't do it again, improving my game will be so much more satisfying.

That would have dropped my boner right quick if she said that during.

 

[Adam_Roman]

This is kind of minor, but I was wondering if you guys could help me out here. I've been in a relationship with this girl for the past 3 weeks. We met through Tinder and really hit it off over a few dates, etc. Today when we were out she mentioned that she hasn't told her parents about me because she can't think of a cover they'd accept (we both considerably older parents who don't get online dating and whatnot). I told her that I told my parents we met through a mutual friend that goes to her college, but she said that wouldn't work on her parents because they know her few friends very well.

If any of you have been in similar situations, what has your story been?

 

[ZackieChan]

The story is that you met through a dating website/app. I don't get the issue.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

So I went 'fuck it' and saw an escort after doing my research. Turned out it paid off because I ended up seeing a really nice girl who was pretty understanding. We chatted a bit before fucking and she was doing escorting alongside her regular (very good) job to help save up for a master's degree, and because she enjoys sex, basically. She voted for brexit whilst I didn't, lol. As it turns out, yeah, everyone was right when they say sex is a really trivial thing. Don't know what I was so worried about, really, I feel stupid for being so bothered about it. It really isn't that difficult. Couldn't finish with the condom on, so I had to jack off on her tits (she insisted on me doing it because she's really into it).Really gained some perspective here, and I feel like I'm more chilled out about the whole thing now. I didn't get hopelessly attached, btw. Fun, but probably wouldn't do it again, improving my game will be so much more satisfying.

Well done.

This is kind of minor, but I was wondering if you guys could help me out here. I've been in a relationship with this girl for the past 3 weeks. We met through Tinder and really hit it off over a few dates, etc. Today when we were out she mentioned that she hasn't told her parents about me because she can't think of a cover they'd accept (we both considerably older parents who don't get online dating and whatnot). I told her that I told my parents we met through a mutual friend that goes to her college, but she said that wouldn't work on her parents because they know her few friends very well.

If any of you have been in similar situations, what has your story been?

You're making this so unnecessarily complicated.

We met through a dating website. Done. Why is this even a question? How much time have you wasted worrying about something so utterly ridiculous? Jesus.

 

[ZackieChan]

Yeah, do they not "get" online dating (explain it to them - it isn't difficult), or are you forbidden from using the internet for dating purposes (that would be nuts)?

Edit: aren't a few of you in the Pittsburgh area? I'll be out there in a couple weeks - maybe we could do a meetup.

 

[Salamando]

Maybe they're Mennonites who met during Rumspringa?

If parents don't understand online dating (or you're just afraid of a stigma) turn your first in person meeting into a "how we met" story. Unless it was Netflix and chill. Then you met at the local Blockbuster video, and both reached for the last DVD of Pretty Woman.

Edit: Yep, I'm in Pittsburgh. If nothing else, I can buy ya a drink.

 

[Jzero]

One of the girls i was dating has ADHD, no wonder i couldn't figure her out.

 

[GK86]

This is kind of minor, but I was wondering if you guys could help me out here. I've been in a relationship with this girl for the past 3 weeks. We met through Tinder and really hit it off over a few dates, etc. Today when we were out she mentioned that she hasn't told her parents about me because she can't think of a cover they'd accept (we both considerably older parents who don't get online dating and whatnot). I told her that I told my parents we met through a mutual friend that goes to her college, but she said that wouldn't work on her parents because they know her few friends very well.

If any of you have been in similar situations, what has your story been?

Your story is fine. Don't make up a crazy or complicated story.

 

[Astral]

I have this problem where if I don't talk to a girl on a night I go out, I deem it a failure. I went out for the first time in months last night and didn't have much fun because of it.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

That would have dropped my boner right quick if she said that during.

He did end up pulling out.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

I have this problem where if I don't talk to a girl on a night I go out, I deem it a failure. I went out for the first time in months last night and didn't have much fun because of it.

Just like, stop doing it?