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WCW Thunder 5/3/2000
Go home show before Western Union Presents Western Union's Western Union Slamboree Presented by Western Union.
TO THE BACK. The whole Millionaires Club and various faces who don't fall in line with the New Blood are waiting in the parking lot. This is probably the first show that Hogan and Team Package have actually been at the show at start time. New Blood get jumped. Someone arrives in a PT Cruiser. I don't know who it was. Russo and Bischoff were taken. I think. Probably.
TO THE BACK. Russo and the NB champs throw a fit in the locker room. So I guess they didn't take Russo and Bischoff after all. Liz is back with them even though she ran away and was left on her own on Nitro.
The New Blood head to the ring. Russo is mad as HECK. He calls out the rest of the roster that aren't aligned with the New Blood. Kronik is with the MC. And Hugh Morris for some reason. Someone is a bit out of place. WE'RE GOING TO WAR, BOYS! Russo is going to take off his boot, put all the names of the MC in his boot, and then NB members will pick them out. And everything will be NEW YORK RULES. Naitch calls Russo a dip shit. MC hits the ring to brawl with the NKOTB. Security and police are out.
Jeff Jarret and Kim are now in the ring. Jeff picked Kanyon. Kim says DDP isn't good enough for her. Well, obviously. Look at her. Look at DDP. Particularly look at DDP in 1990 when this shit started. How the fuck did he pull that off? She calls fans MARKS again.
Jeff Jarrett vs Chris Champag ne Kanyon
NEW YORK RULES. This means no DQ, no count outs, no refs. You have to count your own pin fall. I'd just call for the bell immediately and declare myself the winner. Aimless brawl with the occasional wacky Kanyon move. Super weird editing issues here. DDP's music hits and he teleports into the ring where the camera is super tight, he hits the Diamond Cutter OUTTA NOWHERE, his music stops and Smackdown level fake crowd noise hits full blast, then Kanyon's music hits immediately, but sounds like it was after the fact. As they leave the ring, you can barely see Kim laying in the ring, so my guess is TBS wouldn't allow for her to be shown taking a move and instead just chopped the whole thing up to make it look and sound bizarre.
TO THE BACK. Russo tells Wall to not disappoint him. He's up next.
The Wall vs The Total Package.
Russo comes out with Liz and security. The leash is now called a "tether". TBS won't allow for any of the shit Russo likes. Flair comes out. This is also a tables match. Russo and Flair are on commentary. Russo hits Flair with a bat, Lex picks Wall up for the rack, then Russo hits Lex with the bat, making him drop Wall onto (but not through) a table for the win. Russo wants Flair in the ring now. He uses Liz as a shield, but she low blows Vince. Flair then chops one of the security guards RIGHT IN THE FUCKING FACE and attempts to slap on a figure four, but Shane and Buff stop it. Then Kronik stops them. I don't know how they got Liz back. She didn't even have the leash/tether thing at all. She was completely open. Now Kidman is out, saying he drew Flair's name. This is like ECW booking, but on TBS, noisier, and not as good.
Kidman vs Ric Flair.
Superplex makes Flair scream a lot. Kidman is dominating until he tries a superfly splash and misses. STOMP TO THE DICK! Konnan and Rey Jr hit the ring attack. Random cut to the fans, so someone must have made a gesture that TBS didn't like. Kevin Nash hits the ring and takes out Rey and Konnan as Kidman bails. But HULK HOGAN was at the Gorilla Package in hiding! Now Mike Awesome hits the ring. I guess he pulled Hogan's name? Or maybe Nash's. Nash and Hogan hit a double big boot. Nash powerbombs Awesome.
TO THE BACK. Vamp is in the boiler room talking to himself.
DDP vs Vampiro.
Vampiro doesn't make it to the ring, because Sting was right behind him and attacks. Sting dumps a bucket of RED LIQUID on Vamp. I don't know why they never say blood. Sting throws Vamp in the ring, DDP hits a Diamond Cutter that we don't get to see because of shitty editing again. DDP wins in one move.
TO THE BACK. Russo and the New Blood are spazzing out. The MC are celebrating and having a good time.
Mike Awesome vs Sting
Man, they just keep ruining ring mats. I think 4 shows in a row they've had the fake blood all over the mat. The fired Misfits in Action were at ringside and jumped the rail to beat up Awesome while Sting watched in the ring with his arms folded. Two Stinger splashes followed by the deathlock for the win.
TO THE BACK. NB are still freaking out. Steiner is the last chance. Russo changed his tone while talking to Steiner.
Scott Steiner vs Hulk Hogan
Tony talks about how the titles don't really matter right now because of RAW HUMAN EMOTION. Scotty says he's going to fuck Hulk's wife. They go into the crowd pretty quickly. Hugh Morris is out in the crowd and now they are double teaming Scotty. How weird. Steiner hits the double (quadruple) ball shot. He calls for back up, but no one comes down. Big boot! I find it funny that Steiner wasn't stiffing the fuck out of Hogan like he would literally anyone else he'd wrestle. Steiner walks out of the match.
TO THE BACK. Eric is on the phone with someone and wants him here NOW. Steiner grabs both Vince and Eric and screams at them. Fucking terrifying.
A limo pulls up behind another limo. BUT WHO IS LIMO?! The new limo has a FUNB license plate. Tony suggest that might mean "For Uniting the New Blood." "How many times today have people told you to go unite yourself?"
Buff Bagwell/Shane Douglas vs Kronik
Douglas came out with both belts for some reason. Buff must have left it in the back on accident. Shitty F5 to Shane. Buff hits the blockbuster on Wrath. Tony couldn't remember what the move was called. That was kind of odd. High Time to Shane gets the win for Kronik. They walk out with the belts, but no one knows it was a title match or not.
TO THE BACK. Eric is trying to give a pep talk to his group of losers. A bus pulls up behind the limo. BUT WHO IS BUS!?! The New Blood head to the arena with weapons.
The whole group is out, all with weapons, but it isn't like that matters since they're all fucking losers. Russo is so frazzled, it's great. Eric calls out the MC. They come out and now we have a battle royal. Mike Awesome hit Hugh with a hammer like 8 times in a row really quickly, which was completely no sold. It was pretty funny.
Battle Royal
This is a really boring battle royal. There are way too many people in the ring, so there is no room to do anything but punch. "Logic? The word doesn't even exist in World Championship Wrestling." How right you are, Mike. After a few minutes, the rest of the NB crew head out. There are 30 guys in the ring I think. 19 vs 11. Tank strolls down. Well, some New Blood are trying to eliminate each other. But this is supposed to be NBVSMC. Is that a date in Roman numerals? Sting and Vampiro are brawling on the stage. There really isn't anything to call here. It's a really, really boring battle royal that you can't tell what the hell is going on anyway. Asya and Madusa head out and get in the ring. Cat is hitting people with shoes. Molly Holly is out with DAT ASS. Hacksaw's music hits! I'm trying to get a count of all the dead people in this match. Duggan eliminates like 56 people before jumping out himself.
TO THE BACK. The limo door opens. Leather clad legs head into the arena. BUT WHO'S SIDE IS HE ON?!?!
Back in the ring. IT'S THE MACHO MAN!!!!! AS I LIVE AND BREATHE, IT IS THE MACHO MAN!
And he's attacking the New Blood! He eliminates Skip, Wall, Awesome, and Meat in a few seconds. Macho didn't eliminate himself, but he wasn't an actual part of the match. We're down to Flair, Douglas, Kidman, and Hogan. BRET HART hits the ring and hits Hogan with a chair.
Now it is just Flair and Douglas. Shane is in the figure four, Russo comes out to break it up, but accidentally hits Shane in the leg. Ric Flair wins! He'll get a title shot at the GAB. Hogan tries to suplex Kidman off the steps through the announce table, but Eric hits Hogan in the ribs with a bat, so they just crash through the table. Only the tail end because the editing team sucked a big one for this show. DDP and JJ were climbing up the scaffolding around Thundervision and we heard DDP fall, but didn't see it because we were too busy seeing Macho Man point at Eric Bischoff. Reading up it appears the plan was for David Arquette to come out and hit Jeff with a guitar, sending him off the scaffolding, but Asya stepped through the gimmicked part of the stage when she went to the back. Then David Arquette came out and fell INTO the gimmicked part of the stage, so DDP improvised and took a bump that we never got to see.
This might have been the longest fucking match in WCW television history. The dead count for the battle royal: Chris Candido, Chris Kanyon, The Wall, Mike Awesome, Bam Bam Big Yellow, Crush, Curt Hennig, and Randy Savage. 8 dead dudes in one match might be a record. Unless you count careers and then it is around 40.
I really appreciate the booking and the attempt to do a show that was wildly different from anything WCW had done before, but it just wasn't that interesting once things got into the ring. It was a bunch of really short brawls over and over all night capped off with a agonizingly long battle royal. But the booking itself was really solid and good in theory. And a very random Randy Savage cameo is something I will never complain about.
