CajoleJuice
Member
This thread is dedicated to one of the greatest trilogies of all-time (at least until Live Free and Die Hard comes out), and my own personal favorite. Why didn't I just say it's "the greatest"? Because I don't want this thread to turn into an argument or a list thread of great trilogies to compare to the Die Hard Trilogy. This thread is to honor a collection of three movies that showcase the badass named John McClane.
Everyone on GAF should post in this thread, or else you will be blacklisted. If you are a failure as a human being and you troll this thread, you will be banned. I have stealth mod powers. I don't even want to see "Die Hard 2 sucks" or any variant of that. Just because it's the sequel to arguably a perfect action movie, and it's only merely decent doesn't allow you to hate on it. It has clemency if only because of this scene:
Classic.
Now on to the appreciation!
DIE HARD (1988)
Directed by John McTiernan
It doesn't get any better than this folks. The perfect combination of humor and action mixed with even some geninue human emotion. It's the film that made Bruce Willis a star, and the film that introduced the world to John McClane, the badass who:
- Checks out hot chicks with no shame.
- Dresses up dead Germans in Santa hats.
- Throws dead bodies out windows.
- Blows up entire floors of skyscrapers.
- Jumps off the roof of aforementioned skyscraper as it explodes.
- Walks on broken glass barefoot.
- Owns Hans Gruber using the oldest trick in the book.
:click: :click:
"Wooops, no bullets..."
- Manages to beat a massive German goon in a fight, even after getting shot in the shoulder.
- And, of course, drops Hans out a 38th story window.
Much thanks to Red Scarlet for the gif.
- He even becomes friends with Carl Winslow!!
The movie truly never lets up after Hans and his goons take over Nagatomi. Alan Rickman as Hans Gruber is smart, arrogant, ruthless, and even has a sense of humor. A truly great villain. Sgt. Al Powell (Carl Winslow) provides a buddy aspect to the movie, even though they are separated by hundreds of feet of steel. Paul Gleason plays the role of Deputy Police Chief Dwayne T. Robinson in the most hilariously over-the-top and oblivious manner. Even Argyle has his moment in the sun and provides some comedic moments. And Harry Ellis plays the coked-up moron. And Richard Thornberg is the biggest douchebag on the planet. I could go on forever. The best Christmas movie ever.
Great lines:
John McClane: Yippee-ki-yay, mother****er.
Supervisor: Attention, whoever you are. This channel is reserved for emergency calls only...
John McClane: No ****ing shit, lady. Do I sound like I'm ordering a pizza?
Sergeant Al Powell: In fact, I think he's a cop. Maybe not LAPD, but he's definitely a badge.
Dwayne T. Robinson: How do you know that?
Sergeant Al Powell: A hunch, things he said. Like being able to spot a phony ID.
Dwayne T. Robinson: Jesus Christ, Powell, he could be a ****ing bartender for all we know.
Harry Ellis: Hey babe, I negotiate million dollar deals for breakfast. I think I can handle this Eurotrash.
Dwayne T. Robinson: They're gonna need some more FBI guys, I guess.
Hans: The following people are to be released from their captors : In Northern Ireland, the seven members of the New Provo Front. In Canada, the five imprisoned leaders of Liberte de Quebec... In Sri Lanka, the nine members of the Asian Dawn movement...
John McClane: [listening on the radio] What the ****?
Karl: [mouthing silently] Asian Dawn?
Hans: [covers the radio] I read about them in Time magazine.
Big Johnson: Just like ****in' Saigon ain't it, Slick?
Little Johnson: I was in junior high, dickhead.
Dwayne T. Robinson: [Watching Hans fall to his death from the 30th floor] Oh, I hope that's not a hostage.
DIE HARDER (1990)
Directed by Renny Harlin
Now this is the bastard child of the series, and that's ironic, as it was the only one of the three to be created from the start as a Die Hard movie. Maybe it was due to McTiernan not directing, maybe it was because of naked Col. Stuart to kick off the movie, maybe because the great dialogue and lines just aren't there, who knows, but I feel like it was still enjoyable. Sure the twist was a bit weak, but what do you expect from a plain old action movie that strives purely for entertainment in the form of action plus humor. I'll admit that it really does not compare to either the original or With A Vengeance though. As shown earlier, it had the icicle through the eye scene, which redeems the movie somewhat. Richard Thornberg is back and he's a big douche than ever, Dennis Franz as Capt. Lorenzo plays a hardass moron, and Marvin is a pretty great character. The movie ended with McClane blowing up a whole jet, but not before a guy had gotten sucked into an engine on that jet. Come on, that's awesome.
"Yippie-kay-yay, mother****er."
Although, this scene was a bit ridiculous...
It would be topped in the next sequel though.
Great lines:
John McClane: Hey, Carmine, let me ask you something. What sets off the metal detectors first? The lead in your ass or the shit in your brains?
[under his breath]
John McClane: Fat ****.
Samantha Coleman: Colonel Stuart, can I have a few words with you?
Col. Stuart: You can have two: "****" and "you".
John McClane: Oh man, I can't ****ing believe this. Another basement, another elevator. How can the same thing happen to the same guy twice?
John McClane: That punk pulled a Glock 7 on me. You know what that is? It's a porcelain gun made in Germany. It dosen't show up on you airport X-ray machines, and it cost more than you make here in a month.
Carmine Lorenzo: You'd be a surprised what I make in a month.
John McClane: If it was more than a dollar ninety-eight I'd be surprised.
John McClane: Just once, I'd like a regular, normal Christmas. A little eggnog... a ****in' Christmas tree... a little turkey. But, no. I gotta crawl around in this mother****in' tin can.
DIE HARD WITH A VENGEANCE (1995)
Directed by John McTiernan
A return to greatness that kicks just as much ass as the original in parts, but overall just does not stand up to the perfection that is Die Hard. Nevertheless, Samuel L. Jackson being paired with Bruce Willis makes for some unbelievably entertaining cinema. And I guess the swearing was turned up 5 notches just because SLJ was put in the movie. Anway, I can never not watch this movie when I see it on television, in fact, I just watched it tonight. Still amazing, save for a few moments where the special effects are subpar. The movie has ridiculously classic moments, like this:
and this:
Who doesn't love that riddle? It's ****ing great. Even though, I really don't get how they did it in the movie. I would've done it differently.
and this is great too:
"Forgot to take the safety cap off."
Owned.
Remember when I said that part in Die Harder where McClane ejects from that cockpit is ridiculous? Well, it doesn't stand up to blue screen dump truck surfing.
One of my personal favorite moments:
"What was the lottery number last night? Any of you guys play the lottery? No? My wife buys me two tickets every week... last ten years plays the same two numbers all the time, I say 'Hey, you know, why don't you play a different number.' She says, "Well, those are my lucky numbers...'"
BANG
BANG
The rookie cop who's peeing his pants while yelling at Samuel L. Jackson in his cracking voice is pretty hilarious too.
Overall, an awesome movie just because of the combo of Jackson and Willis. Jeremy Irons does a pretty great job as Simon as well. And the alternate ending is awesome. Everyone should see it. It's absolutely, ridiculously, hilariously amazing. I enjoy it more than the actual ending, which feels so damn anti-climatic and tacked on. At least the alternate ending is so ****ing insane that you don't care that it's tacked on.
Great lines:
John McClane: You know how to fire one of these?
Zeus: No.
John McClane: No?
Zeus: Hey, all brothers don't know how to use guns, you racist mother****er.
Ricky Walsh: Next, fourteen dumptrucks stolen from a yard in Staten Island. Fourteen! Jesus! Somebody starting a construction company?
Joe Lambert: No, it's John's landlady - gonna clean up his apartment.
Zeus: Didn't I hear you say you didn't even like your brother?
Simon: There's a difference between not liking one's brother and not caring when some dumb Irish flatfoot drops him out of a window.
Zeus: Why do you keep calling me 'Jesus'? Do I look Puerto Rican to you?
John McClane: Guy back there called you 'Jesus'.
Zeus: He didn't say 'Jesus'. He said, "Hey, Zeus!" My name is Zeus.
John McClane: Zeus?
Zeus: Yeah, Zeus. As in father of Apollo? Mt. Olympus? Don't **** with me or I'll shove a lightning bolt up your ass? Zeus! You got a problem with that?
And this one needs the NYC kid from The Mighty Ducks to wrap it up:
"IT'S CHRISTMAS YOU COULD STEAL CITY HALL!"
Respect bitches. John McClane is the ****ing man.
Everyone on GAF should post in this thread, or else you will be blacklisted. If you are a failure as a human being and you troll this thread, you will be banned. I have stealth mod powers. I don't even want to see "Die Hard 2 sucks" or any variant of that. Just because it's the sequel to arguably a perfect action movie, and it's only merely decent doesn't allow you to hate on it. It has clemency if only because of this scene:
Classic.
Now on to the appreciation!
DIE HARD (1988)
Directed by John McTiernan
It doesn't get any better than this folks. The perfect combination of humor and action mixed with even some geninue human emotion. It's the film that made Bruce Willis a star, and the film that introduced the world to John McClane, the badass who:
- Checks out hot chicks with no shame.
- Dresses up dead Germans in Santa hats.
- Throws dead bodies out windows.
- Blows up entire floors of skyscrapers.
- Jumps off the roof of aforementioned skyscraper as it explodes.
- Walks on broken glass barefoot.
- Owns Hans Gruber using the oldest trick in the book.
:click: :click:
"Wooops, no bullets..."
- Manages to beat a massive German goon in a fight, even after getting shot in the shoulder.
- And, of course, drops Hans out a 38th story window.
Much thanks to Red Scarlet for the gif.
- He even becomes friends with Carl Winslow!!
The movie truly never lets up after Hans and his goons take over Nagatomi. Alan Rickman as Hans Gruber is smart, arrogant, ruthless, and even has a sense of humor. A truly great villain. Sgt. Al Powell (Carl Winslow) provides a buddy aspect to the movie, even though they are separated by hundreds of feet of steel. Paul Gleason plays the role of Deputy Police Chief Dwayne T. Robinson in the most hilariously over-the-top and oblivious manner. Even Argyle has his moment in the sun and provides some comedic moments. And Harry Ellis plays the coked-up moron. And Richard Thornberg is the biggest douchebag on the planet. I could go on forever. The best Christmas movie ever.
Great lines:
John McClane: Yippee-ki-yay, mother****er.
Supervisor: Attention, whoever you are. This channel is reserved for emergency calls only...
John McClane: No ****ing shit, lady. Do I sound like I'm ordering a pizza?
Sergeant Al Powell: In fact, I think he's a cop. Maybe not LAPD, but he's definitely a badge.
Dwayne T. Robinson: How do you know that?
Sergeant Al Powell: A hunch, things he said. Like being able to spot a phony ID.
Dwayne T. Robinson: Jesus Christ, Powell, he could be a ****ing bartender for all we know.
Harry Ellis: Hey babe, I negotiate million dollar deals for breakfast. I think I can handle this Eurotrash.
Dwayne T. Robinson: They're gonna need some more FBI guys, I guess.
Hans: The following people are to be released from their captors : In Northern Ireland, the seven members of the New Provo Front. In Canada, the five imprisoned leaders of Liberte de Quebec... In Sri Lanka, the nine members of the Asian Dawn movement...
John McClane: [listening on the radio] What the ****?
Karl: [mouthing silently] Asian Dawn?
Hans: [covers the radio] I read about them in Time magazine.
Big Johnson: Just like ****in' Saigon ain't it, Slick?
Little Johnson: I was in junior high, dickhead.
Dwayne T. Robinson: [Watching Hans fall to his death from the 30th floor] Oh, I hope that's not a hostage.
DIE HARDER (1990)
Directed by Renny Harlin
Now this is the bastard child of the series, and that's ironic, as it was the only one of the three to be created from the start as a Die Hard movie. Maybe it was due to McTiernan not directing, maybe it was because of naked Col. Stuart to kick off the movie, maybe because the great dialogue and lines just aren't there, who knows, but I feel like it was still enjoyable. Sure the twist was a bit weak, but what do you expect from a plain old action movie that strives purely for entertainment in the form of action plus humor. I'll admit that it really does not compare to either the original or With A Vengeance though. As shown earlier, it had the icicle through the eye scene, which redeems the movie somewhat. Richard Thornberg is back and he's a big douche than ever, Dennis Franz as Capt. Lorenzo plays a hardass moron, and Marvin is a pretty great character. The movie ended with McClane blowing up a whole jet, but not before a guy had gotten sucked into an engine on that jet. Come on, that's awesome.
"Yippie-kay-yay, mother****er."
Although, this scene was a bit ridiculous...
It would be topped in the next sequel though.
Great lines:
John McClane: Hey, Carmine, let me ask you something. What sets off the metal detectors first? The lead in your ass or the shit in your brains?
[under his breath]
John McClane: Fat ****.
Samantha Coleman: Colonel Stuart, can I have a few words with you?
Col. Stuart: You can have two: "****" and "you".
John McClane: Oh man, I can't ****ing believe this. Another basement, another elevator. How can the same thing happen to the same guy twice?
John McClane: That punk pulled a Glock 7 on me. You know what that is? It's a porcelain gun made in Germany. It dosen't show up on you airport X-ray machines, and it cost more than you make here in a month.
Carmine Lorenzo: You'd be a surprised what I make in a month.
John McClane: If it was more than a dollar ninety-eight I'd be surprised.
John McClane: Just once, I'd like a regular, normal Christmas. A little eggnog... a ****in' Christmas tree... a little turkey. But, no. I gotta crawl around in this mother****in' tin can.
DIE HARD WITH A VENGEANCE (1995)
Directed by John McTiernan
A return to greatness that kicks just as much ass as the original in parts, but overall just does not stand up to the perfection that is Die Hard. Nevertheless, Samuel L. Jackson being paired with Bruce Willis makes for some unbelievably entertaining cinema. And I guess the swearing was turned up 5 notches just because SLJ was put in the movie. Anway, I can never not watch this movie when I see it on television, in fact, I just watched it tonight. Still amazing, save for a few moments where the special effects are subpar. The movie has ridiculously classic moments, like this:
and this:
Who doesn't love that riddle? It's ****ing great. Even though, I really don't get how they did it in the movie. I would've done it differently.
and this is great too:
"Forgot to take the safety cap off."
Owned.
Remember when I said that part in Die Harder where McClane ejects from that cockpit is ridiculous? Well, it doesn't stand up to blue screen dump truck surfing.
One of my personal favorite moments:
"What was the lottery number last night? Any of you guys play the lottery? No? My wife buys me two tickets every week... last ten years plays the same two numbers all the time, I say 'Hey, you know, why don't you play a different number.' She says, "Well, those are my lucky numbers...'"
BANG
BANG
The rookie cop who's peeing his pants while yelling at Samuel L. Jackson in his cracking voice is pretty hilarious too.
Overall, an awesome movie just because of the combo of Jackson and Willis. Jeremy Irons does a pretty great job as Simon as well. And the alternate ending is awesome. Everyone should see it. It's absolutely, ridiculously, hilariously amazing. I enjoy it more than the actual ending, which feels so damn anti-climatic and tacked on. At least the alternate ending is so ****ing insane that you don't care that it's tacked on.
Great lines:
John McClane: You know how to fire one of these?
Zeus: No.
John McClane: No?
Zeus: Hey, all brothers don't know how to use guns, you racist mother****er.
Ricky Walsh: Next, fourteen dumptrucks stolen from a yard in Staten Island. Fourteen! Jesus! Somebody starting a construction company?
Joe Lambert: No, it's John's landlady - gonna clean up his apartment.
Zeus: Didn't I hear you say you didn't even like your brother?
Simon: There's a difference between not liking one's brother and not caring when some dumb Irish flatfoot drops him out of a window.
Zeus: Why do you keep calling me 'Jesus'? Do I look Puerto Rican to you?
John McClane: Guy back there called you 'Jesus'.
Zeus: He didn't say 'Jesus'. He said, "Hey, Zeus!" My name is Zeus.
John McClane: Zeus?
Zeus: Yeah, Zeus. As in father of Apollo? Mt. Olympus? Don't **** with me or I'll shove a lightning bolt up your ass? Zeus! You got a problem with that?
And this one needs the NYC kid from The Mighty Ducks to wrap it up:
"IT'S CHRISTMAS YOU COULD STEAL CITY HALL!"
Respect bitches. John McClane is the ****ing man.
