Came the closest I've ever come to uninstalling today. The pubs I've been getting matched up with in my 3-4 stacks have been some of the worst I've ever experienced in my life.
I first picked Alchemist (to carry) in random draft, went to take a piss and came back to a team of Alch, Bristle, Axe, Tiny and Bounty Hunter.
I purposely fed and abandoned that game and I wished death upon everybody else on my team.
http://dotabuff.com/matches/706430806
I read your entire post I just want to say that we've all had those days where nothing goes well in Dota, but c'mon dude. There is no justification for intentionally feeding and abandoning a match like that. Once you've lost the will and don't want to play just abandon the match.
For what it's worth, I just watched the replay. Your team picked a bunch of carries/semi-carries/gankers and the other team had an actual support hero. You started off with a bunch of regular laning items but then sold a few to get the courier once you realized no one else was going to. This tells me you're a decent player. That and that you have a 19 godlike spree count on your courier.
Was anyone talking in team chat? Why didn't you take command of your team? Or did you try?
Bounty went offlane, that's fine. Axe went and stood at your T1 top instead of starting in the jungle. Maybe asking him to go jungle from :00 instead of leeching XP and leaving the lane-mate alone and gimped. Tiny went mid with sidelane consumables, Bristle decided to go bottom with the Bounty and you went top.
So your safelane turned out to be Axe Alch vs Huskar Dazzle and an Invis Ember. You guys didn't know that and tried to go aggressive from level 1 and you dove a little too deep and got killed by the tower as you backed out. Didn't give up first blood, just split it between the Radiant. Fine, it happens. Just suck it up and try to make the best of it. Meanwhile Tiny had an empty lane for the first 2 minutes of the game before Ember finally joined him and he had one creep kill.
You re-spawned and came mid, tried to gank the Ember with level 1 stun running right up the lane and uphill and the Tiny didn't follow up in time. Did you communicate with the Tiny about the gank? I don't mean by pinging either. He was only level 2 and Ember still had a lot of HP. You started your stun way too late and gave away the gank really quickly when you barged down the lane. The Ember asked you if you were mad over allchat and then you sat by his tower and let him kill you.
If you were that tilted from the start you should have just abandoned right then and there. I watched you teleport back mid and feed once more, then a couple more times at running to their fountain and bottom.
6:35 into the game you finally abandoned the match.
Why not just take mid from the start? Anticipating mid Ember + Alch farming mid would have been just fine. I mentioned how the Tiny didn't know how to farm creeps properly so I'm sure you would have done better with that space (no sarcasm intended). The Tiny moved to top lane when you came mid the second time knowing what you had done and left you alone so it's not like you two would be fighting for cs and xp. The Axe eventually left the lane and went to the jungle and Bristle went top as well. The enemy Huskar had 26 cs in 6 minutes in a free farm lane. Bounty didn't die solo and had a decent bit of farm for offlane.
This game was not over and your team still had a shot after your first death. I know you wanted to play a carry and your team didn't pan out with that situation. Alch support and Bristle farming wouldn't have been that bad either. Get a Vlads on someone and some levels and just deathball as 4 or 5 while rolling in the Track gold. Worst comes to worse you could have just taken mid like I suggested and let them do whatever they wanted.
Instead you ruined the game for 9 other people and wasted everyone's time. You went on to have a few more bad games and a bad night of Dota. You didn't have to be a Saint in your game, but you didn't have to be that guy either.
Recognizing when you should take a break because things aren't going well (you're tilted) is an essential skill to pick up if you want to play this game everyday.
Edit
Yeah, I kinda figured I was going to get a reply like this and I don't even give a shit. As far as I'm concerned every single person on that team did me more rotten at hero selection than I did in the ensuing 10 minutes. I picked farming Alch and they made me buy the god damned chicken. Of all these shit shows this was the only one that actively made me feed good about myself, so if I have to shit on a couple idiot pubs so be it. If that makes me a bad person, I could give a fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
No one forced you to buy anything. Don't buy it if you don't want to. Eventually someone will, or you guys can go about it without one. It wouldn't have made a difference in this game, evidently.
Edit2
You were in a 3-stack with Bristle and Tiny, and Tiny is on your friends list. Welp...
I'm almost tempted to add the Tiny and apologize for that experience because he's from Toronto, Canada hahah