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[Yen]

Jenkins is a joker. You know, jokes? Comedy? They have that in Germany, right?

 

[fuenf]

isnt comedy supposed to be funny?

 

[Arnie]

It comes across as if he's trying way too hard to be funny and ultimately ends up being the opposite.

I find his tweets hilarious; this less so. Although the Bacary Sagna joke and the line about having a big number two did make me giggle.

isnt comedy supposed to be funny?

Of course you won't find it funny. You didn't even understand it.

 

[PaulLFC]

Wait, do people actually think he's serious?

"The turning point for them was the way they played throughout the competition..."
"I don’t want to bang my own trumpet..."
"My friend Gary Neville (or ‘tea bag’ as we call him) is held in higher steam by everybody who knows him and i feel he has been key to England’s smooth progress into the last 16. Roy’s decision to go for a really big number two has eased some of the pressure he must of been feeling and proved to be a very wise move indeed."

Come on...

isnt comedy supposed to be funny?

This is funny. We get it, you don't find it funny.

 

[Salazar]

It comes across as if he's trying way too hard to be funny and ultimately ends up being the opposite.

The actually rather slender difference between his writing and that in the Daily Mail, Mirror, Star, Sun etc. is what supplies some of the richness of the joke. A broad joke, certainly, but when you spend your football-following life swimming in those precise mangled cliches, it's humorous enough.

 

[Raist]

He's taking the piss. It's all a joke. The grammatical mistakes are intended. His girlfriend most likely does not look like Bacary Sagna.

First the offside rule and now this.

I see. Well that was hilarious then. Monty Award for this guy, please.

 

[fuenf]

Of course you won't find it funny. You didn't even understand it.

I didnt find it funny because it sucks. I hate this whole "Die Mannschaft" crap, oh yeah manshaft hrhr, so funny. Nobody calls them "Die Mannschaft" anyway.

 

[Awesome Animals]

He's taking the piss. It's all a joke. The grammatical mistakes are intended. His girlfriend most likely does not look like Bacary Sagna.

First the offside rule and now this.

I don't know why you even try.

 

[Arnie]

I see. Well that was hilarious then. Monty Award for this guy, please.

I didnt find it funny because it sucks. I hate this whole "Die Mannschaft" crap, oh yeah manshaft hrhr, so funny. Nobody calls them "Die Mannschaft" anyway.

Again, if you've just been made to look slow witted by someone who purposely tries to look dim, you aren't going to appreciate it.

boohoo

 

[Clegg]

This thread has just gotten worse.

 

[Wilbur]

This is the most loathsome conversation in this thread.

 

[rvy]

This thread has just gotten worse.

 

[Arjen]

A German without a sense of humor, now i've seen everything.

 

[Clegg]

Do you disagree?

 

[Funky Papa]

So adorable.

Team?

 

[PaulLFC]

I didnt find it funny because it sucks. I hate this whole "Die Mannschaft" crap, oh yeah manshaft hrhr, so funny. Nobody calls them "Die Mannschaft" anyway.

In your opinion. Not in mine.

 

[Hammer24]

A German without a sense of humor, now i've seen everything.

 

[Raist]

Again, if you've just been made to look slow witted by someone who purposely tries to look dim, you aren't going to appreciate it.

boohoo

I dunno man. If you the thing is absolutely not funny then you start wondering what the fuck is going on. Kind of like it's hard to distinguish between a nutjob and someone pretending to be one for the lolz.

But if it makes you happy to think that I got played and feel bad, more power to you.

 

[Kem0sabe]

I didnt find it funny because it sucks. I hate this whole "Die Mannschaft" crap, oh yeah manshaft hrhr, so funny. Nobody calls them "Die Mannschaft" anyway.

Don´t worry, other people get shafted even more often than ze Germans.

This one time in Africa..

 

[zroid]

finally a day's respite

I can actually play a game or two!

 

[Raist]

Don´t worry, other people get shafted even more often than ze Germans.

This one time in Africa..

wtf. I must see this now.

 

[Clegg]

I dunno man. If you the thing is absolutely not funny then you start wondering what the fuck is going on. Kind of like it's hard to distinguish between a nutjob and someone pretending to be one for the lolz.

But if it makes you happy to think that I got played and feel bad, more power to you.

Sounds like you didn't get the joke, made a fool of yourself and are now having a go at someone else to deflect your mistake.

Good man. You should always go out swinging.

 

[Arnie]

I dunno man. If you the thing is absolutely not funny then you start wondering what the fuck is going on. Kind of like it's hard to distinguish between a nutjob and someone pretending to be one for the lolz.

But if it makes you happy to think that I got played and feel bad, more power to you.

You couldn't spot a satirical tone in an article whereby the author compared his girlfriend's appearance to Bacary Sagna.

 

[rvy]

Do you disagree?

Not at all.

So adorable.

Team?

No idea

 

[Clegg]

Hullo and welcome to Duncan Jenkins' review of the euro 2012 group stages, with me Duncan Jenkins.

The very first line should have tipped people off as to the tone of this article.

 

[Raist]

I'm the one having a go? Well that's rich.

Look guys, from the beginning I said I didn't find it funny at all, to the point of wondering if that guy was for real or not. And what mostly put me off was as I mentioned the ton of mistakes in there. Not even the "jokes". To me it's like when people were trying to be funny by using l337 speak. It's just lost on me. That's all there is to it.

You find it hilarious, good for you. There's no point feeling borderline offended because other people think a piece written by some dude completely fails in their book.

 

[Yurt]

Chill guys :0

It boils down to a Del Piero avatar or a Ronaldo avatar. I know who is right.

Footygaf, can I take this guy with me over there?

 

[Majine]

No games until Thursday!?

What am I going to do in the evening now?

Come on, we survived before the tournament.

 

[Fritz]

So adorable.

Team?

Edward would be my guess.

 

[Acheteedo]

You're just wrong here Meus.

England have a clear plan; a clear set of ideas. Sit deep, rigid and compact, restrict the opponents to long shots and don't let them get into your box. Then when you win the ball, break with pace down the flanks.

As for the controlling games, it's completely pointless without an end product:

France controlled the game, they had no clear cut chances. None. Zip. They scored a single long shot, which happens in football. They couldn't break into the box and trouble Hart. Conversely we had a great opportunity to score another when Milner raced through one on one with the keeper.

Ukraine controlled the game, as you say, but what clear chances did they create? When did they penetrate our defence and threaten Hart? The only time they did they were offside; so we can conclude they didn't. We on the other hand should've scored early on when Rooney missed a free header, five yards out.

It's all well and good despairing because a team doesn't have the ball, but don't confuse that for a lack of ideas, or for a lack of effort. Hodgson's drilled his team to play in a negative system, sure, but it's getting results and we're not just outscoring opponents, we're creating more chances than them. And that is the key to winning football matches, not tipping the ball around in neat triangles and flicking it to one another on the halfway line.

I just can't see how this plan will get us past a truly threatening team. Let's be honest, we had an easy group, and each win was by a hair. Italy are probably better than anyone we've faced so far, and if we survive that then the matches that follow will be punching well above our weight. So yeah, full credit to Roy for the tactical approach so far, it got the job done, but England's tournament is coming to an end soon.

 

[Hixx]

It's worth noting that most posts in this thread make me feel like this

Then we have the boobies and its

time.

 

[Clegg]

Chill guys :0


Footygaf, can I take this guy with me over there?

Only if you convert him into a United fan.

 

[Arnie]

I just can't see how this plan will get us past a truly threatening team. Let's be honest, we had an easy group, and each win was by a hair. Italy are probably better than anyone we've faced so far, and if we survive that then the matches that follow will be punching well above our weight. So yeah, full credit to Roy for the tactical approach so far, it got the job done, but England's tournament is coming to an end soon.

Whilst I agree, I can't see it taking us very far, you only have to look at Chelsea's defeat of Barca and Bayern to see how a team that's defensively organised, as long as they've got enough attacking prowess on the field, have more than a chance.

Sorry for such a clichéd response.

 

[Kem0sabe]

Germans are such prudes. They see a half nekid lady and they stick a bear on her almost immediately.

 

[Fritz]

Germans are such prudes. They see a half nekid lady and they stick a bear on her almost immediately.

Guys, don't google "Micaela Schäfer"! Cause NSFW!

Spoiler

DO IT!

 

[Majine]

Guys, don't google "Micaela Schäfer"! Cause NSFW!

Spoiler

DO IT!

Safesearch OFF!

 

[Mac_Lane]

This Duncan Jenkins fellow is hilarious. I was bursting out of laughter reading his piece.

And being French, I'm sure I missed a couple of jokes :/

 

[Wilbur]

I'm the one having a go? Well that's rich.

Look guys, from the beginning I said I didn't find it funny at all, to the point of wondering if that guy was for real or not.

Did you work it out yet?

 

[robertsan21]

Germany will win this

 

[Raist]

Did you work it out yet?

 

[Sickboy007]

So adorable.

Team?

Italy, she's so incredibly d'awwww-worthy.

 

[F#A#Oo]

WTF is going on in here lol...

People are going batty...

 

[Dance Inferno]

Michel Platini on Blatter and goal line technology: “Yes, Blatter will do it,” Platini said. “He will (introduce) the technology, but I think it’s a big mistake. ... it’s the beginning of the technology, the arrival of the technology.”

What does he think this is, Skynet?

 

[Fritz]

Germany will win this

Damn straight!

 

[Yurt]

WTF is going on in here lol...

People are going batty...

We need Buffon to make sense of all this!

 

[Raist]

Michel Platini on Blatter and goal line technology: “Yes, Blatter will do it,” Platini said. “He will (introduce) the technology, but I think it’s a big mistake. ... it’s the beginning of the technology, the arrival of the technology.”

What does he think this is, Skynet?

That's what he said, with context.

Platini added: "Goal-line technology isn't a problem. The problem is the arrival of technology because, after, you'll need technology for deciding handballs and then for offside decisions and so on. It'll be like that forever and ever. It'll never stop. That's the problem I have."

Doesn't make it better, mind you.
In the same interview he said that the addition of 2 extra officials was brilliant. The day before ENG-UKR. Heh.

 

[Sylver]

This is not photoshop. XDXD

 

[PaulLFC]

I'm the one having a go? Well that's rich.

Look guys, from the beginning I said I didn't find it funny at all, to the point of wondering if that guy was for real or not. And what mostly put me off was as I mentioned the ton of mistakes in there. Not even the "jokes". To me it's like when people were trying to be funny by using l337 speak. It's just lost on me. That's all there is to it.

You find it hilarious, good for you. There's no point feeling borderline offended because other people think a piece written by some dude completely fails in their book.

Yes, and we tried explaining that it was in no way a serious article and was never intended to be. The first headline sentence should have told you that. You then kept repeating that it's not funny, which is your opinion. Mine is that it is funny if you accept it for what it is, a light hearted article clearly written as a joke, with exaggerated spelling mistakes and grammatical errors thrown in for comedic effect.

Edit: Here are two previous articles, as you can see they're written in exactly the same non-serious style:

Hullo and welcome to Duncan Jenkins’ introduction to euro 2012, with me Duncan Jenkins.

As the heavy metal group Bon Jovi once sang, it is now “the final countdown” to the tournament which starts this friday. football fever is on everyone’s lips, just like a nasty coleslaw. like coleslaws, football fever is highly contagious and the build up to a major international tournament is as good as it gets for a football fan.

My coverage

Covering international tournaments can be tricky for a perspiring journalist like myself. most top journo’s will be covering the tournament live and direct from Poland and the Ukraines, while others will be working from there employers office at worst.

i am still perspiring to be a full time journo, so my coverage hinges entirely on whether my mam will let me watch the match on telly. if any games clash with “David Dickensons real deal” then i can forget it. thankfully she is always bladdered by 5pm every day, which is kick-off time for the first game each day.

Favourites

Germany are many experts tip to lift the trophy. the squad is packed full of germans - plus loads of poles, a turk and a ghanian - will be better equipped to win this time having lost the euro 2008 final to eventual winners Spain, who went on to win the tournament and removed a massive monkey from around there neck in the process.

Scorer of the winning goal that day was Fernando Torres, who at the time was arguably the finest number 9 (real, not false) in the world. he has since literally become a wolf in cheap clothing, and his painful slide into a Bolivian has been well documented. he is expected to lead Spain’s attack but i wont let that put me off and my £2 pound each way will certainly be going on los riojas.

Thirty years of hurt never stopped me bleeding

England go into the proverbial competition led by the eloquacious and much fetid Roy Hodgson, but it has not been plane sailing for the former oddevold manager.

The presence of J.T in the squad has caused real controversy but the England fans will do well to get behind there defensive leader. i dont want to be too harsh on him, but J.T is definately to blame for absolutely everything. he is undoubtably a massive idiot but his presents cannot be allowed to disrupt the cameradderie of the squad. great banter is absolutely key to the success of any team.

The lads will be based in a placed called crackoff, which is in Poland, yet they play all three games in the Ukraines, which is almost certainly another country entirely.

this has to go down as another own goal by the increasingly hatless F.A.

England is represented in the referees pool by Howard Webb and his team of lino’s. here at home Webbs' is often accused of being bias towards Manchester United due to the fact he is the son of former United midfielder Neil Webb. however since United have not entered the tournament this is unlikely to become an issue.

Fans

Thankfully these days football tournaments normally pass off without incident but there has been some concern since the recent panoranarama documentary about disgusting racist nutters in Poland and Ukraine. there is expected to be a large police presence to insure the safety of fans, but this can sometimes be taken the wrong way by hooligans who enjoy throwing tables and chairs at police. that is bang out of order and it is important to remember that the police are not there to create disorder, they are there to preserve disorder.

Conclusion

That concludes my introduction to euro 2012.

Hullo and welcome to Duncan Jenkins' review of the opening round of fixtures at euro 2012, with me Duncan Jenkins.

The football world has now seen every team at euro 2012 and that includes me. my mam met another new fella on friday night and i am delighted to report she’s hardly been home since, meaning i’ve seen every kick of every ball. My mam’s not coming home - football’s coming home L.O.L.

A turner for the books

In my "day one preview" I put my head above the parrot pit and said the prospect of the first two games was totally boring. for all intensive purposes I was bang wrong and late on friday night I was forced to eat a huge slice of crumble pie after a great pair of opening games.

Poland’s keeper Woichejch Szhechesny saw red in a 1-1 draw, but the Poles will be annoyed they didn’t make the extra man count against ten man Greece, who also had a man sent off.

Russia said "auf weidersehn pet" to the cezchs blowing them away 4-1 in a game that was evenly balanced firmly in russia’s favour. on that evidence i have a feeling the russian's could well enjoy a really good run in the tournament unless they get knocked out, while the Cezchs look a team going nowhere. they'll be going home soon.

The gruppa del morte

Day two brought us to group B, which is known in the industry as "the gruppa del morte" . Holland and Denmark met in a repeat of the last time they faced each other but with a very different result this time.

The Danes shocked "de oranges" 1-0 after R.V.P and co missed literally hundreds of guilt edged chances. They will probably be a bit disappointed with that but on the other hand I can only imagine the amount of Danish pastries that were consumed during the wild celebrations in Denmark that night. Probably hundreds and rightly so, they are absolutely deliscious.

Germany took there time against Portugal in what was a very dull affair. Gomez missed a few chances but julie obliged with a 72nd minute header to win the game for the Germans and improve on there 100% record so far.

Portugal once again failed to get the best out of C.R.7 who spent most of the game demonstrating with his team mates. ronaldo is the greatest portugalese footballer ever imho onion, even better than eusebio A.K.A "the black pele", and i feel the camp Real Madrid star needs to be at the centre of the tension. he should play as a false nine instead of a winger, and the fact the useless postiga was preferred up front must of been a real blow to Ronaldo's enormous self of steam.

The third group, group c (3)

Defending champions Spain changed there national anthem from "viva espanya" to something very poor and deservedly paid the ultimate price with a 1-1 draw against italy. vincente del bosque could not resist showing off his tatical mouse with the tournaments first false 9. i absolutely love false nines and was delighted to see the false nine – cess fabregas - score the goal.

Slovia failed to qualify but there deadly rivals croatia looked a side with ability and lots of temperament when they beat the republic of ireland 3-1. The Irish will be staring deep into there stew with Spain and Italy coming up and they need to pull a real miracle out of the fire now.

Jools rimay is still breathing

England got an increditable draw against France but it was not pretty. Roy Hodgson set out his stool and it really stank the place out, but it worked for the English players who look like they've bought into Roy's idea.

In the groups other game the Ukraines took on Sweden in the birth place of the chicken kiev, Kiev. The home team ran out 2-1 winners with veterinarian striker Andrei Shevchenko scoring both goals.Itt was a superp way to end the first round of games and the tournament is really cooking with gas now.

Opening round conclusion

That concludes my round up of the opening round of matches.

 

[Dance Inferno]

That's what he said, with context.



Doesn't make it better, mind you.
In the same interview he said that the addition of 2 extra officials was brilliant. The day before ENG-UKR. Heh.

So he thinks staying in the dark ages and having 2-3 massive, country-angering blunders every tournament is better? What a tool.

 

[operon]

Between the offside rule and a lack of humour, this thread is going down hill fast