"Exotic" might not be a compliment towards people
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Zoe
Member
Which is why I said being called exotic is not limited to having a Caucasian feature?
Calling somebody "exotic" is basically saying "Hey, the most striking thing I notice about you is that you do not look like other people I see or how I expect people of your race to look". How is that a compliment? It's saying "You look different". Why is that supposed to be flattering?
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
She asked me if I thought she was exotic, and I was truly too young to understand what this meant, and I paused and said "no?" I felt pretty bad once I got older and realized I wasn't able to be supportive because I didn't get it.Shit that's fucked up. Poor thing.
I think that's where the issue lies with people being offended by being called exotic, that it's so closely associated to fetishism. And it's a valid argument that it is not and can be a legimate compliment. But it's just so hard to separate the two when you become exposed to it too often.
HappyBivouac
Member
I was like "oh it's that guy with the tom & jerry avatar again" but I actually agree with you this time! High five!
I always saw it as "the most striking thing I notice about you is how you don't look like anyone from MY race...and it's beautiful"
Don't be too hard on yourself. These things are hard to grasp when we're young. That you understand now and are so active in the discussions is very wonderful.
Contextually I think, as others have said, to some people looking different can be a good thing (talking about things like clothes and whatever). If you're in Wall Street and you see a super regal dressed person- that could be considered exotic to someone. Contrast can be a fundamental aspect in what someone considers beautiful, it's one of the first lessons you learn when it comes to art.
Yes I think your last sentence is accurate. It's hard for someone else to know that you've been subjected to it though when first meeting you.
Always-honest
Banned
Well, another day and another person who gets offended by something.
Okay, you're not exotic. Happy now?
Okay, you're not exotic. Happy now?
Hey look another one who didn't read the thread.
It's great to stand out. But why does that person stand out to you?
Exactly.
I should expound on my post: I used Caucasian features as an example because I'm viewing this issue from a western perspective, where European features are valued. Minorities typically get compliments addressing that they're exotic because they find the person attractive because they do not expect that person's ethnic group to have certain features they might find desirable. It's not an issue of what type of ethnic group's feautures you have, it's whether or not the culture that you have surrounded yourself in decided whether those features are attractive. It becomes problematic when people that are not in the majority are always approached with a compliment of how exotic they are, thereby painting the person as an "other."
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
Read the thread.
QuicheFontaine
Member
Because differences can actually be positive things.
Lots of enmity towards looking different in this thread. Is it really everyone's goal to be indistinguishable from their peers? Or should we all just be pretending that everyone looks the same?
Always-honest
Banned
Like you?
Jesus...
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
It's more about us realizing what "looking different" actually means to others, and then in turn what it ends up meaning for us. I'm really happy with how I look, but people can take that positivity I feel toward myself and make me resent it.
It's not an issue of "looking the same" at all. It's an issue of minority citizens being painted as a foreigner by the majority.
It's not a desire, just an observation. If you have a black canvas with a white spot in it, you look to the white spot right? It's the same principal with people I think. If you're in a place that has 1 type of person, or tends to have little variety, when someone out of that zone comes in, you may take notice.
Why is saying "You look different" in and of itself a compliment? Because different can be good? Okay? Different can be bad too. Different can be nothing also. Why is it a compliment then if it can be anything? Why is it a compliment to tell somebody they do not look like other people? Why should that make them happy to hear?
And why should that white spot feel complimented by the black canvas telling the white spot it is different?
Well said.
It's a way of saying you're unique in a good way.
It's a compliment to say "Wow, you are exotic and beautiful"...it's not a compliment to say "Wow, you are beautiful for an [insert race]".
Rollo Lawson
Banned
It's absolutely offensive and it's offensive-ness actually isn't new. However I think a lot of these things should be addressed on more personal, and professional formal levels as needed. The homegrown PSA bit is really tired at this point.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
For some people, these two statements are the same.
Why is the exotic part necessary? There's nothing impressive about looking different. It's not even a sign of beauty. Humans have a diverse appearance and some appearances may not be common in other areas. That means we are all "exotic" to somebody else. But why does that matter? Why is it worth saying? Why should somebody care? Why should it make them happy to hear?
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
When I made that example it was just using it as a function to show how we see things. A lot of one thing generally is considered boring in contrast to 1 thing of something else. I didn't want to involve human intent and meaning in it because it would distract from the truth that some people stick out like a sore thumb. That said being different can imply being special, rare, scarce. Many things that people like to hear (I'm a unique butterfly, etc.).
This could be said about any word that describes a feature one has no control over.
And I can only speak for myself but I do like it when it's told to me.
A lot of people think people shouldn't care. But apparently they do, because they find it offensive.
I don't understand it, but I guess I can accept it.
That doesn't answer a single question I asked.
It sure does.
Which question.
OpinionatedCyborg
Member
I don't like the word. It reminds me of leopard skin, day-glo pink leather, sticky floors, and 1970s-era condom machines speckled with dried blood.
I could see using the word back in the 60s or 70s when the world was much more segregated and homogenous, but I'm around people of so many different colors, origins, ethnicities, and languages that nothing seems particularly "exotic" ... whatever it means, anyway. It's a word with a lot of connotations. It means different things to different people. If you're going to compliment someone on their appearance, it's probably better to do so without using such a loaded term.
I could see using the word back in the 60s or 70s when the world was much more segregated and homogenous, but I'm around people of so many different colors, origins, ethnicities, and languages that nothing seems particularly "exotic" ... whatever it means, anyway. It's a word with a lot of connotations. It means different things to different people. If you're going to compliment someone on their appearance, it's probably better to do so without using such a loaded term.
This was one of his points. Why should exotic be a compliment when people have different views on what they consider exotic?
It wasn't a question I was responding to, I was refuting your blanket statement of "There's nothing impressive about looking different. It's not even a sign of beauty".
That's not for you to say.
You're not going to change my mind and I'm not going to change yours. Have a nice day.
QuicheFontaine
Member
The word under discussion isn't "different", it's "exotic". Going up to someone and saying "you're different" is not a compliment, you're right. But saying "you're exotic" is.
You look exotic = you look unusual in a way that is pleasing
You look weird = you look unusual in a way that is displeasing
The word "exotic" is a compliment. It's not saying "you look different" in and of itself, it has a connotation. If it makes people feel uncomfortable then it was probably used inappropriately, and sure there's loads of places where it would be inappropriate (Liu Kang gave the cat-calling example). But the word itself is not the problem.
People generally enjoy being complimented!
Always-honest
Banned
No i understand that it's a poor choice of words to say what you actually want to say. But i also think it's pretty harmless. There are a lot of other things i'd consider micro agression way more than "exotic". But i agree it's not the best thing to say as it's not really what you want to say.
The thing you really want to say can be considered offensive too though. That's a bit of the problem i'm adressing. I could say things to some people that would be considered a compliment but would be considered somewhat offensive to others, for their own reasons. Reasons that could be very valid, don't get me wrong. In this particular case i can understand. At first sight i thought the youtuber was adressing herself.
Wow stubborn as an ox would be an understatement.
flintstryker
Banned
I wonder what conversations are gonna look like in the future when the political correctness campaign has fully won.
It's not though, plenty of white people get talked about as 'exotic' as well:
http://www.imdb.com/list/ls000072238/
I mean can you get much whiter than fucking Nicole Kidman? She is practically translucent.
Why compliment anyone on anything then? You can tell someone they have pretty eyes and they might hate their eyes.
So by that you're trying to say "You are beautiful because you are different"? Is that right? Because I'm saying being different isn't in and of itself a statement of beauty. So unless you think never-before seen alien-like creatures at the bottom of the ocean are also beautiful simply because they are different, then you agree with me.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
If human beings say something is loaded, why not even think about what they're saying?
I have PC conversations every fucking day with all sorts of people. It's totally fine. I don't understand people who can hear someone say "this feels bad to me" and then intelligently outline why it makes them feel that way, but still respond with "well I like saying that. Deal with it."
So since we can't use the word "exotic" in it's dictionary defined way now...since that will offend someone and terms like pretty and beautiful are commonplace and generic, what wording is safe and PC enough for someone to use on someone who stands out without hurting their feelings?
I just find it amazing that people tossing race as a factor...you can be a white person with standout features that set you apart from the crowd just as well as Asian or black or Indian or whatever else.
I just find it amazing that people tossing race as a factor...you can be a white person with standout features that set you apart from the crowd just as well as Asian or black or Indian or whatever else.
People can find beauty in anything they please. This whole thing is just looking for something else to complain about when the intentions of the compliment-giver are sincere.
Why are there some in here trying to turn this argument and problem into something unrelated?
If you try to imply that people disliking being called exotic are anti-compliment crybabies or have some agenda to make everyone into robots, that speaks more about you than it does about everyone else.
If you try to imply that people disliking being called exotic are anti-compliment crybabies or have some agenda to make everyone into robots, that speaks more about you than it does about everyone else.
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