"Exotic" might not be a compliment towards people

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People are different though. If you look different, you look different. I don't see how that's arguable.

I'm a white guy, and when I went to India people wanted to get photos with me, because in that place I was I was different. It wouldn't matter if I didn't consider myself different, I was, and it was plain to see. Maybe some of them thought I looked weird, maybe some thought I looked exotic - I know which one I would prefer them to think.

And look, of course I subscribe to the notion that we're all the same on the inside, but people aren't colourblind. As for the idea that we should never call each other exotic, I think it's fine to appreciate differences and it's fine to be complementary. If I thought someone who looked different to me was weird-looking, I'd keep my mouth shut because that's rude to say.

That's not my point. Sometimes the recipient doesn't see him or herself as different. And yes, I'm talking about physical appearance.
 
I accept the difference in culture and my goal is not to tell you you're wrong or anything, simply to add perspective and help you understand why it's uncomfortable for some where you're used to the opposite.

Did you just reduce this whole conversation to a date? I know you're joking but that's pretty hurtful. I'm engaging in fruitful conversation with you and you turn it into a joke about our compatibility. Please don't do that.

I'm quite sensitive so while I may be over reacting, I'm not gonna pretend I'm okay with this.



Thank you for listening.

my bad, i wasn't turning the conversation into a date, just a (i guess bad) attempt to end the conversation on the theme of what we were discussing (meeting a stranger and going through the motions)

now i know you are sensitive and will proceed respectively from our interactions from now on. I understood that people took another meaning of the word and was giving another aspect on it, because as you said different cultures and everything. I understand this board is generally largely from an american aspect, but it's not always the definitive one and shouldn't be taken as absolute.

let's agree to disagree. i will not use it with you, but i will not stop my usage of the word. i will be more perceptive of its use based on the locale.
 
That's the first time I've heard him called that. Mostly I heard people refer to him as 'alien' looking, like, space alien. I agree that he's beautiful though.

It's also interesting to note that he doesn't consider himself attractive at all, and has often called himself 'ugly'.

Well, aliens tend to be exotic, since they're uncommon - so in a way it's short for "your looks are rare.", whether it's due to the race or just unique facial features.

But often in a complimentary manner.
 
This entire thing is silly, people rarely use the word Exotic as an insult, and perhaps they find your difference or different culture or how you look to be attractive, and here's the big shocker. There is nothing wrong with that.

Some people have preferences and often point them out, do you truly think the world would be better if we were just all Gray Blobs with our only differences being our personality? Do we never mention our differences because we don't want to be seen as different even though we are.
 
Internet is getting fucking ridiculous. Now we're supposed to be offended and outraged for every single thing that happens.
 
Well, aliens tend to be exotic, since they're uncommon - so in a way it's short for "your looks are rare.", whether it's due to the race or just unique facial features.

But often in a complimentary manner.

Well, describing a character in a book usually will result in the use of fancy, eye catching terminology. Exotic looks better than alien or unusual, but if he's different in a strange way, exotic would fit. Like if you wanted to describe a woman with angelic vibes, you'd use ethereal or mystical because angelic isn't as "sexy" in definitions~ the other two are vague and apply in numerous ways.
 
I never really understood it to be honest. Then again, I live in a pretty big and diverse city, so if all you can say to someone here is that they look exotic, then you probably need to get out more.
 
Acknowdegling differences and even complimenting them is "othering" now, it seems *sigh* If that is not projecting your insecurities into other people, then I don't know what it is.
 
Yeah, exotic is definitely on that list of weird words to probably not use when describing a person. Just seems oddly objectifying, to me?
 
Acknowdegling differences and even complimenting them is "othering" now, it seems *sigh* If that is not projecting your insecurities into other people, then I don't know what it is.

More like the people associating that term with others are projecting their ignorance onto them.

Just because you haven't seen someone like them before doesn't mean they're foreign.
 
I never thought "exotic" was meant to separate someone from the rest of their race, probably because it gets liberally applied regardless of actual attractiveness precisely because of the person's race (specifically Asian/Pacific Islander).

Yeah, as another poster also noted... I've heard Asian celebrities on American shows and movies like Maggie Q and Lucy Liu called "exotic". I've also had someone comment that my wife was "exotic". Whether or not it irritates me really depends a lot on context and tone. Some people just say it as a descriptor or something they intended as a complement (as awkward as it is). Some people say it like they're a damn taxidermist and they want to build a "collection", and that will irritate me. I like my wife too, but she isn't a conversation piece.
 
Is this woman "exotic"? If so, why?


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I've been told before that I don't look like someone of my race, that doesn't offend me but I could see how it could offend others depending on the person's perception of themselves and stereotypes surrounding their race.

I doubt I'd ever use the word exotic to describe a person since I can't think of any scenario where it's the best word to use. It seems a bit strange to me though that someone would be offended by it unless they were told you're exotic for a (any race). I've only ever heard it in the context of telling someone that they look unique, it seems like a big jump to think of it as you're exotic because you're different from the stereotype of your race. I've never heard of someone being offended by it before this thread.

Sometimes it seems like people (especially online) are looking for reasons to be offended. Should we never use any adjectives to describe someone because there's a possibility of them being offended when most people would not?
 
Is this woman "exotic"? If so, why?


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depends.

in my country? she wouldn't be based on physical attributes. she would just look like another beautiful woman you can find in any town. if you told me where she was from, she would be exotic based on her origin of birth. Her mannerisms and clothing would also play a part.
 
Lol, some people think being called exotic is offensive? Well, people have a right to choose what they want/don't want to be called, but I can't agree to it and will continue to use the word unless directly told by the person I'm calling it that it's offensive. I just find nothing to be offended about being called exotic. It's almost to the point that I feel people who do find it offensive are just looking for things to be offended about.
 
I have never heard exotic used as an insult towards someone. The word generally has a positive conotation and at worst is a neutral descriptor for "strikingly out of the ordinary".

Pretty much everyone on earth is considered exotic to someone else somewhere. If I (a white person) moved to Japan then my blue eyes would be considered exotic to the average Japanese person. The term doesn't even have to be ethnically centered; loads of white people refer to Angelina Jolie, Olivia Wilde, and Giselle Bundchen as exotic beauties.

Even speaking a different language can make someone exotic.

I'm struggling to see what's wrong with this.

"Intentions don't matter"

This is the world we live in.

Seriously.
 
Can't someone be beautiful AND exotic without it having a negative connotation? Inclusive rather than exclusive seems like it should make a huge difference.
 
If I saw a native American woman in Ireland, no shit she would look exotic. I live in a small town where everyone is pale

It's not an insult
 
I don't think it's amazing, or perhaps you're necessarily understanding what is being asserted. If you've hurt or offended someone, no, your intent does not bear any influence on how they should feel about what you've said. I don't think anyone would deny that hurting or offending someone intentionally is worse than offending or hurting someone unintentionally, so it matters in that sense. But if it was unintentional, you should simply apologize and move on, rather than mounting a defense that you didn't mean it the way they received it and that they are wrong to have been offended. I guarantee you it'll be better received than apologetics.

(I'm sure there are exceptions to this general rule, like a person who takes umbrage at being called something because they confused it with another word, or don't know what the word actually means; please don't be annoying by bringing up situations like that.)
The problem with this is that it gives infinite and inviolate power to people who get offended and it means that they never have to question whether they are right to get offended. You can argue that it works better to apologize for offending someone rather than arguing that they shouldn't get offended, but it would also work better if they didn't get offended.
For example, I have had a woman get offended because I held the door for her, even though I hold the door for everyone. The simple answer is that no-one should hold the door for anyone as it has a justifiable potential to offend, but the result is that no-one holds the door for anyone anymore which in my mind makes the world a categorically worse place for the sake of not causing offense.
It's basically saying that any measure of potential offense outweighs pleasurable or pleasant feelings others might feel.
 
I have never heard exotic used as an insult towards someone. The word generally has a positive conotation and at worst is a neutral descriptor for "strikingly out of the ordinary".

Pretty much everyone on earth is considered exotic to someone else somewhere. If I (a white person) moved to Japan then my blue eyes would be considered exotic to the average Japanese person. The term doesn't even have to be ethnically centered; loads of white people refer to Angelina Jolie, Olivia Wilde, and Giselle Bundchen as exotic beauties.

Even speaking a different language can make someone exotic.

I'm struggling to see what's wrong with this.



Seriously.
I think people don't like false specialization. "Exotic" people aren't really exotic.
 
I've always taken it as a compliment when people call my looks exotic. I guess I can see why someone would be offended because they usually call me that guessing I'm a different ethnicity(I'm Mexican) but yeah it's not gonna have that effect on me.
 
People saying that "the internet" is the force behind people being offended over being called exotic when it's always been this way.
 
I never really thought about until this thread, but as I've said, I never really know how to take being called 'exotic'. Mostly it's in the context of 'you've got that whole exotic thing going for you..' as if the fact that I'm 'exotic' is the only reason I could be considered attractive. It's weird.
Well personally in my case, I look at "exotic" as even more beautiful than "regular" beautiful, if that makes sense. And there's a lot of things besides looks that play into it, like dress, mannerisms, etc.

Basically in a way it kinda is like being a kind of exception/non-normalized to your peers in your environment, but imho it's more as a compliment than an insult.
 
I never really thought about until this thread, but as I've said, I never really know how to take being called 'exotic'. Mostly it's in the context of 'you've got that whole exotic thing going for you..' as if the fact that I'm 'exotic' is the only reason I could be considered attractive. It's weird.

I take it as "uncommon beauty" as in something about the way you look has rare quality in their eyes that they don't see commonly. Most of the time it's attributed to a perceived ethnic background I think.
 
Yep, one of the troubles with "exotic" as a compliment is that it indeed basically "others" the person that the word is being applied to. This is an interesting and thoughtful opinion piece that explores the ramifications of exotic-as-compliment further:

http://www.the-beheld.com/2012/04/thoughts-on-word-exotic.html?m=1

I recommend reading the whole piece.

Great read, and yes I do see mention of the word more about mixed race people. It is better than the question "What are you?", but can be perceived negatively too by someone.

I get called 'exotic' quite often and I never know how to take it.

Much more than I've been called 'beautiful' or 'pretty'

Benedict Cumberbatch got some mad exotic cheekbones!
 
Great read, and yes I do see mention of the word more about mixed race people. It is better than the question "What are you?", but can be perceived negatively too by someone.
Yes! I'm mixed, and I've heard this word more than anyone would ever want to hear. I try to trust the person means well, but then I've also been fetishized by other people for my race, so everything is this big mess where it gets hard to figure out who really likes me for me.

How many people have had literally every long term partner look up photos of babies with specific race mixes to show what their children would look like? Do white people do that to each other? It was fine the first few times, but then I realized they're actually probably worried their child wouldn't look white enough. Then exotic started sounding really gross to me.
 
I don't understand.

In the example you posted where you went to India, yes you were treated differently because you were a tourist. That's different than Fiction's scenario. I can only presume she doesn't see herself as exotic especially in her own home setting.

My point is it's odd to be called exotic when you live in an area where there are people like you. The question as to why you're calling them as such comes to light.

Is this woman "exotic"? If so, why?


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She's absolutely beautiful but I wouldn't call her exotic.
 
In the example you posted where you went to India, yes you were treated differently because you were a tourist. That's different than Fiction's scenario. I can only presume she doesn't see herself as exotic especially in her own home setting.

My point is it's odd to be called exotic when you live in an area where there are people like you. The question as to why you're calling them as such comes to light.

Well, I absolutely agree with the bolded.

But I still don't get your point about people not "seeing" or "considering" themselves exotic. If you're in a place with an established norm of appearance and you differ from that, objectively, then people will notice that. They can perceive it in a good way or bad way.
 
IMO Exotic has nothing to do with race, some of the first people that come to my mind if you were to say 'exotic looking' are not just white, but straight up WASPy. People like Elijah Wood and Angelina Jolie, among others. Basically what exotic means is that they have unique features.

Basically 90+ percent of haute fashion models could be described as exotic looking, regardless of race. You kind of have to have something unique to compete with all the thousands of other amazingly beautiful people in that line of work.
 
Simply not a word I'd ever use to describe a person.

I always assume when people do use it, that they mean it in a positive way though. The word is almost used as shorthand for "Exotic beauty."

Pointing out that someone is unique relative to your own experiences... I dunno.. I can see it used sort of awkwardly by some people, but taking general offense to it seams a bit much to me.
 
Well, I absolutely agree with the bolded.

But I still don't get your point about people not "seeing" or "considering" themselves exotic. If you're in a place with an established norm of appearance and you differ from that, objectively, then people will notice that. They can perceive it in a good way or bad way.

It can make you feel left out if you were born and raised in that area and people still look at you as an outsider, even though outside of your appearance, there's really nothing different that distinguishes you from others.
 
Am I using the word exotic wrong? I use it and mean different in a refreshing way from the norm, meaning they are different from the sea of white people I see or extraordinaire and stand out way but not they are different from "their group of people."
 
Am I using the word exotic wrong? I use it and mean different in a refreshing way from the norm, meaning they are different from the sea of white people I see or extraordinaire and stand out way but not they are different from "their group of people."
Why are white people normal and other people exotic? As well-intended as you may be, people will see through these comments and feel weird.
 
Am I using the word exotic wrong? I use it and mean different in a refreshing way from the norm, meaning they are different from the sea of white people I see or extraordinaire and stand out way but not they are different from "their group of people."

No, you aren't using it wrong.
 
Well, I absolutely agree with the bolded.

But I still don't get your point about people not "seeing" or "considering" themselves exotic. If you're in a place with an established norm of appearance and you differ from that, objectively, then people will notice that. They can perceive it in a good way or bad way.

My response comes from a home setting. From my experience and a lot of others here, we even get called exotic in our own neighborhood.
 
Well, I absolutely agree with the bolded.

But I still don't get your point about people not "seeing" or "considering" themselves exotic. If you're in a place with an established norm of appearance and you differ from that, objectively, then people will notice that. They can perceive it in a good way or bad way.
How can you look out of place if that is indeed where you are placed? Maybe the definition of what people of that place can look like just needs to change instead.
 
It can make you feel left out if you were born and raised in that area and people still look at you as an outsider, even though outside of your appearance, there's really nothing different that distinguishes you from others.

If that's the way it makes someone feel, then I can't say they're wrong necessarily to feel that way. But I don't see why they should feel left out - it's essentially saying "I like you", which sounds pretty inclusive to me. And you say "outside of appearance", but I'd consider it mainly a word to describe someone's appearance.
 
It just seems so damn weird. Who actually comes out and without any problem just says "hey you look exotic!"?

Can someone answer this? Why would that word pop into your head? That's like saying moist instead of wet or damp. Just... why?
 
If that's the way it makes someone feel, then I can't say they're wrong necessarily to feel that way. But I don't see why they should feel left out - it's essentially saying "I like you", which sounds pretty inclusive to me. And you say "outside of appearance", but I'd consider it mainly a word to describe someone's appearance.
For example, imagine someone calling a black lady exotic, which is probably harmless on its own, but later that same day, someone on the street yells out "look, we've got a hot black girl!" They're going to feel weird, and they're not going to feel very included in their own city.
 
It just seems so damn weird. Who actually comes out and without any problem just says "hey you look exotic!"?

Can someone answer this? Why would that word pop into your head? That's like saying moist instead of wet or damp. Just... why?

people who think you have features they deem exotic?
 
people who think you have features they deem exotic?

Why exotic though? Why not unique, different or something? I highly doubt the first word that comes to mind is exotic. I swear it sounds like an attempt to be clever or eloquent. Like come on, it just doesn't sound right.
 
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