Zack Sabre Jr., Ogawa & Rock vs Masashi Aoyagi, Yasu & Hide Kubota
I know exactly 3 people in this match. I like exactly 1 of them. I don't know who these other dudes, but they're butt fucking ugly.
I still probably hate them less than Ogawa and Rock though. I think Jonah Rock has to be my least favorite person in all of NOAH. It's him or Marufuji. Flea Market Champion Ogawa has always sucked too. Team Super Ugly look like rejects from BJW. Think about that. Not good enough for BJW. Or like Voodoo Murders rejects. Like you're not even as good as Rene Dupree, that's how fucked you are. This one dude is like old and does karate and gets like a teeny tiny pop but it dies immediately.
Zaku hits a nice little uppercut. That's about the only memorable thing in this match. And that's a stretch. Jonah Rock doing superkicks and shit looks so fucking bad. Jonah Rock wins with the most midcard WWE superstar finisher ever. Boring.
Hajime Ohara, Kenou & Kitamiya vs Quiet Storm, Hirayanagi & Saito
I like exactly 2 people in this match. I mean, Quiet Storm is funny, but he needs to stick with wrestling other loser mini hosses like Jonah Rock. I might hate Saito more than Jonah Rock. IDK. Kitamiya looks like he needs to be punched in the face. Can't believe cool guy Ohara and cool guy Kenou hang out with this dweeb.
Hirayanagi did make me laugh. He came out last for his team and even looked like, 'how the fuck did I get stuck with these losers in my team?'
Does this mother fucker not know he's a heel? All the cool kids love Kenou & Ohara because they're better than all the faces. Hirayanagi makes fun of Kitamiya at the start. Good. Fuck that dweeb. Hirayanagi eggs on Kitamiya to attack Saito, and he does. They start the match off.
Saito's trashbag pants empower him with the aiblity to lariat young dweebs. Ohara and Kenou run in and do some cheating(the guy who was just patting kids on the head in his entrance). It eventually backfires and Kitamiya takes the worst looking claw/chokeslam I've ever seen. Kenou & Ohara are some of the most effective cheaters I've ever seen. They like plot out when they're running interference and always keep the ref distracted.
Violent Army has control for a good while before Hirayanagi performs a ball-clutch backdrop(not a joke). The world's largest midget Quiet Storm enters the ring for the first time and gives Kitamiya a nice suplex as well as a nice northern lights suplex. Kenou goes to cane Quiet Storm with the kendo stick but hits Ohara with it accidentally instead. That spot happens a lot. I think they do it just because Ohara's selling of it. The fans cheering for Kenou caneing Quiet Storm. How weird. Kenou misses again and hits Kitamiya. Left alone, Kenou gets a ballgonscrew for his troubles.
Kitamiya takes a beating.
Quiet Storm nails Kitamiya with a lariat and gets the pin. Kitamiya is clearly there to make sure Ohara and Kenou keep their heat. This match went better than I expected it to given the parties involved. I mostly blame that on Kenou and Ohara. It was no 5 star match, but the crowd really loved the parts with Kenou & Ohara in the ring. Despite being heels, it's very clear they're two of NOAH's most beloved young talents.
Obviously there's a whole lot more, but I'm far more tired than I thought I would be, so it'll have to come tomorrow.