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Girl/Dating Age Part 2: A combined effort to give advice for those in need
- Thread starter -PXG-
- Start date
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jamesinclair
Banned
SRG01 said:
If only there were other girls. If only....
What dates have you done already?
Mike Works
Member
And there's your problem.jamesinclair said:
jamesinclair said:
Y'know what dancing has taught me? There are always more girls and they're easier to talk to than you think. If anything, just be sincere. It goes a long way.
You mean in general or with the girl? With this particular girl, we went to the indoor gardens today. She was super quiet, but we had a lot of laughs sitting in the cafe afterwards.
In general, I've done:
- Coffee Shops
- Walking down trendy avenue
- Walking in river valley/parks
- Exploring the dark corners of university campus
- Improv Theatre
- Running in the rain and kissing her afterwards
- Sushi
- Ice cream
- Dinner and Drinks then making out in car
- Walking on legislature grounds and looking at Christmas decorations
- Baking and cuddling
- Listening to Christmas Carolers
That's as far back as my memory goes. I stopped being miserable about dating a while back after I realized that I dated more and had more luck than I actually thought.
Excluding shitty exes
jamesinclair
Banned
All of those are good dates.
Some of my favorites:
Ice Skating
Mini golf
Museums
Checking out the new trendy thing (cupcakes, froyo, whatever is new, even if lame)
Visiting parts of town neither has been to - including the docks at 1am!
Some of my favorites:
Ice Skating
Mini golf
Museums
Checking out the new trendy thing (cupcakes, froyo, whatever is new, even if lame)
Visiting parts of town neither has been to - including the docks at 1am!
I always feel bad when I check this thread because I always take girls to the movies.
Maybe its the whole living in the south thing and not having too much stuff to do in NC, but its always felt like something over the top whenever I branch beyond restaurant/movie
Maybe its the whole living in the south thing and not having too much stuff to do in NC, but its always felt like something over the top whenever I branch beyond restaurant/movie
jamesinclair
Banned
DY_nasty said:
It's not your fault if there's nothing else to do.
I know my social life was 100x better in Boston than it is now because there's simply so much more to do. It's not just "the museum" it's "which museum?"
The Shadow
Member
jamesinclair said:
Kinda. I mean, if they're just giving you simple two word replies, it sounds like they're not all that interested. Besides, you really shouldn't be worrying about women emailing you. You need to be emailing other people. Most women don't initiate first contact and only respond to people that email them first.
I don't know if you were joking or not in that last reply about what you've tried but it you weren't, I'd say you're trying to hard in your messages. Just look at their profile, find a thing or two that interests you or that you have some knowledge of, and send them an email about it. That simple. If they reply, great. If not, or if they send a 2 word reply, move on.
kiryogi said:
Yeah, pokes, winks, nudges, whatever they call them on whatever site, they're pretty much useless even when they're from real people.
NIGHT- said:
All three.
If you were trying to grow corn, wouldn't you want to plant as much as possible, so you could increase the amount you harvest? You know, shit happens. Drought, floods, pests, disease, fungus, ect. You can't assume that some, most, or even all of your crop won't be destroyed. So why not take every measure within your ability to yield better results?
Expand. Diversify. Talk and date as many girls as possible. Increase your chances of success, whether that's getting a girlfriend or getting laid.
Gareth Bale
Member
-PXG- said:
Then you fuck the plant!
Hydranockz
Member
:lol :lol :lolBungieware said:
Lionheart1827
Member
GiJoccin said:
Depends on how long its been since the voicemail? Was she busy/working/school after your voicemail? If so give it some time.
Rocket Scientist
Member
There was a voicemailer on the first page. Everyone told him not to call back again (well, if he had asked before leaving a voice mail, everyone would have told him not to leave one and just hang up), but he called her again about a week later. He got her voice mail again :lol This time he did the smart thing and hung up. She ended up calling him afterwards and they set something up. Advice: Do not leave voice mails, keep the ball in your court in the beginning. If you're interested in meeting up with her there is no reason you shouldn't try again. Give it some time and call again. Do not leave a voice mail again. Good luck man.
I'm sort of lost on this one.
Saw a girl with nothing on her profile, absolutely nothing except her hobbies which are Surfing, Snowboarding, Skateboarding, Roller Skating, Photography and Travel
how do i go on in a creative way to write her? :lol
Maybe Mike would like to help?
Saw a girl with nothing on her profile, absolutely nothing except her hobbies which are Surfing, Snowboarding, Skateboarding, Roller Skating, Photography and Travel
how do i go on in a creative way to write her? :lol
Maybe Mike would like to help?
grap3fruitman
Banned
I don't get how what you read is depressing. It's true, I've asked out several women before and always been shot down and I'm still not sure why.Norwegian Wood said:
I don't exactly have anything to be positive about, wouldn't you agree?Norwegian Wood said:
See, I'm always told that I come off as creepy after-the-fact. I don't know if it has to do with my appearance or just because I'm awkward or what.GeneralIroh said:
Question!
A few nights ago I was flirting with a cute girl at a party. She seemed interested, but she left kinda early in the night before it had a chance to go anywhere. In my drunken stupidity, I ask one of her friends (who was still there) for her number and send her a text. I'm assuming it's a no-no to get a number from a girl without her permission
Today though I wake up to find that she has added me on facebook. At the very least, I would assume this means she doesn't mind that I got her number without asking her
I'm kind of interested in her, but the chances of me running into her again on a campus of 20K students is pretty slim. What should I do? Call her and ask her to hang out? Send her a facebook message? Just leave it well enough alone since I've only seen her one night when we were both pretty wasted?
A few nights ago I was flirting with a cute girl at a party. She seemed interested, but she left kinda early in the night before it had a chance to go anywhere. In my drunken stupidity, I ask one of her friends (who was still there) for her number and send her a text. I'm assuming it's a no-no to get a number from a girl without her permission
Today though I wake up to find that she has added me on facebook. At the very least, I would assume this means she doesn't mind that I got her number without asking her
I'm kind of interested in her, but the chances of me running into her again on a campus of 20K students is pretty slim. What should I do? Call her and ask her to hang out? Send her a facebook message? Just leave it well enough alone since I've only seen her one night when we were both pretty wasted?
BocoDragon
or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Realize This Assgrab is Delicious
Facebook.EzLink said:
She gave you permission to use her FB (unlike the phone). She initiated the Facebook relationship. It's also a good way to ease into a date with a little back and forth chat first.
You may want to re-ask for her phone number through FB if she agrees to a date.
Unless you are sure she knows you have the # already.In other news. I still can't get that girl out of my head. I'm constantly thinking about where I screwed up, how great she is and what I'd do if I got a second chance, and how to go about getting a second chance. Shit isn't healthy. Hell against my better judgement I just send her an email asking her how she's been. I'm such a dumbass, but I miss talking to her and the way she flirted and looked at me last week.. Arggh it's clawing at me and I can't shake the feeling that I should not give up so easily on her.
Trying to get her off my mind I chatted a bit with two of the women that remained from my little online dating adventure. One of them I originally had scheduled a date with, which I blew off due to that girl. Big mistake in hindsight, but I think she appreciated my honesty and we've been chatting on and off this week. Might try to ask if she cares to get a drink together despite my dickish date cancelling move. She seems nice and looks pretty good.
The other chick, well fuck her. I'm not interested in her. Very slow with her responses, no fun to talk to, comes across as completely uninterested and her profile photo appears to be deceptive.
Trying to get her off my mind I chatted a bit with two of the women that remained from my little online dating adventure. One of them I originally had scheduled a date with, which I blew off due to that girl. Big mistake in hindsight, but I think she appreciated my honesty and we've been chatting on and off this week. Might try to ask if she cares to get a drink together despite my dickish date cancelling move. She seems nice and looks pretty good.
The other chick, well fuck her. I'm not interested in her. Very slow with her responses, no fun to talk to, comes across as completely uninterested and her profile photo appears to be deceptive.
grap3fruitman said:
This is the crux of all your problems. This is why you can't get a girl.
And no, I disagree. You're bound to have some qualities that are good and something that makes you awesome and something that makes you love yourself. Come on man, there's no need for such a bullshit, pessimistic attitude. Your failures and inability to interact with women are direct result of your low self esteem. Buck the hell up.
Yeah honestly I don't give a shit. She would just be a rebound anyway. She is actually the first girl I met online who acted this way. Usually they want to talk to me on a daily basis and/or at least show a healthy dose of interest.Norwegian Wood said:
With the girl that I didn't meet online (who currently still possess my mind) I exchanged emails on a daily basis up until our date. All in all we exchanged a total of roughly 70 relatively long emails in the span of a week (she doesn't use MSN). It was great and she was fun to talk to both on and offline. I miss that excitement whenever I got a new message from her.
grap3fruitman
Banned
I don't. Women seem to agree.-PXG- said:
My inability to interact with women is a result of my never learning how to socialize in my teens.-PXG- said:
BocoDragon
or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Realize This Assgrab is Delicious
People learn how to better socialize through their 20s and beyond.. Don't be so fatalististic.grap3fruitman said:
grap3fruitman said:
If i tell you how many times I've been rejected over the years, I could probably create a probability list out of it. It didn't get me down nor make me depress or pathetic like you've been acting. Get a grip and do something about it. If you don't like the way you look do something about it
get a haircut, new glasses, new look, new clothes (I always ask girls at clothing stores to check if something looks good on me and they love doing it and i have fun interacting with them), work out, find new hobbies, visit museums, go swimming, eat alone at a fancy restaurant, join some art-house club, save and go on a trip half way across the world, just fucking do something and life will smile back at you i promise you that.
It's never too late. I never dated a girl until this year and I'm 22 for crying out loud. I wasn't particularly socially active in high school (aside from a small group of friends) and almost all of my intimate interactions with women before this year were acquired heavily intoxicated.grap3fruitman said:
I saw the video you posted in the "Post pics of yourself" thread and you seem like a good looking dude. Better looking than me for sure. Take it from another guy with self esteem issues, self esteem is the only thing holding you back. Of course I know as no other that self esteem isn't acquired easily, you can't just flip a switch. Your lack of experience is definitely a factor in stopping you from being confident (as it is with me). But if you don't try to acquire experience you're not likely to fix your self esteem issues.
Mike Works
Member
Some of you guys doing the online dating thing reaaaalllllyyy need to leave your ego's at the door.
Online dating != GAF.
Online dating != GAF.
Danielsan said:Yeah honestly I don't give a shit. She would just be a rebound anyway. She is actually the first girl I met online who acted this way. Usually they want to talk to me on a daily basis and/or at least show a healthy dose of interest.
With the girl that I didn't meet online (who currently still possess my mind) I exchanged emails on a daily basis up until our date. All in all we exchanged a total of roughly 70 relatively long emails in the span of a week (she doesn't use MSN). It was great and she was fun to talk to both on and offline. I miss that excitement whenever I got a new message from her.
And you still managed to get yourself Daniel-sand? Give it up she's long gone.
It happened to me once, i met this girl same situation as yours, my friend was dating her friend and we were introduced, we had loads of fun and when time came for me to give it to her, i didn't. Basically i started sucking her nipples and she kept saying no don't do it, stop it. So stupid me stopped and just went to bed, the next morning she was very disappointed and that was the last time i was in bed with her. She later told her friend i should have continued sucking her nipples when she kept saying No. I had a WTF moment and it took me literally 3 months to get over what i had experienced. I always thought NO meant NO or else its her word against mine at the police station :lol :lol
Those two things are true. It's never too late, and you are a good looking guy. I'm similar to Danielsan. I had never even been on a date until this year. Since 2010 started, I've had short flings with three girls, and am now dating my current girlfriend who is absolutely amazing. And we've been together for about 3 months now. (although she was away in Africa for almost a month, but she's back nowDanielsan said:
)I had a similar state of mind last year. "I'll never have a girlfriend", "How am I supposed to ask a girl out?" etc etc. Thought I would never have a girlfriend, I felt embarassed around my friends because I was the only one who had never had a GF, or lost their virginity. I'm not sure what happened, but get yourself stuck in that state of mind, it won't help you bud.
Sounds very close to what happened to me. Except I failed to initiate any sexual actions because I was too cautious and I decided to take it (too) slow, which probably cost me my head. I know it's a lost cause, but sadly I can't get her out of my mind. A matter of heart versus brain. Her flirting last Saturday didn't help. I need some other female distraction to get over her I'm afraid...Norwegian Wood said:
Also better to get Daniel-san'd than get stood up.
Mike Works said:
Its not an ego thing, but i know what you are saying. She's probably getting tons of mails from guys and has to go through some and answer them one by one, at least the ones that interest her anyway. :lol
But sometimes it just sucks when you sort of put a thought into mailing them and you hear nothing or 4-5 days later. But i completely understand what you are saying.
grap3fruitman said:
If you just give up and abandon all hope, then yeah you'll never get it. The key is to realise that it's still possible to fix social skills problems, even at my age (I'm 32 and have never had a girlfriend). I'm not there yet, but I'm trying to keep a positive attitude and I'm slowly working things through with my therapist (though I'll be taking a break from that over the next few weeks as I am visiting with my parents for the Christmas period).
So we should play the same game, two word replies? Seriously I only got 1 message from a girl that was actually a sentence, everything else "hey whats up" "haha lol". Fuck that shit, I don't see how you can develop any interest of meeting a person through such bullshit replies, that's beyond me.Mike Works said:
Just curious, but how exactly do you "work on that" with a therapist? What does it involve? And how long have you been in therapy? I'm 29 and sometimes I think I'm fooling myself if I think anything's going to ever change unless I go to therapy. I just don't know where to start and barely have the money for it.Danj said:
demon said:
I've only started comparatively recently (around July/August I think it was) and because of my financial situation I've only been having fortnightly sessions at a reduced rate. How I got into it was, I took my situation to an NHS counsellor (since I'd gotten no help trying to approach the problem from the psych angle) and she recommended a private therapist for me (as the NHS counsellors are only able to offer up to a maximum of 6 sessions, which is not enough for any sort of long term problem).
I guess some people might look at this and think "my god, you've been in therapy for months and you still haven't gotten to the point where you can go out and meet girls?" but really I think you've gotta understand and accept that it is something that is going to take a lot of time. At the same time you've also got to continue to believe that it is an achievable goal. My therapist has a plan in mind for the methods he's going to use to help me, but at the moment we're still at the beginning part (because the first thing that has to happen is that damage control has to be done concerning the depression of loneliness and stuff). Now that he's taught me some methods for fighting off depression, we're going to start working on building up confidence, and he's given me a sort of little exercise that I can work on during the Christmas break to try and help get started with that.
In my case at least, it's all what they call "talking therapy". My therapist asks me questions about stuff, I reply, he suggests some possible causes of my problems and how I might mitigate them, and he lays out some of the details of the methods of how social skills can be learnt. Although I've only gotten a small part of it so far, it does seem like there is a real and definable way in which this can happen, so people with social skills problems should take heart because you don't necessarily need to have a time machine so you can go back to your childhood and change things - it does seem like it will still be possible to learn it now.
If you have a look at a few of my more recent posts in the previous thread, I've actually posted a few of the things I learned from my therapist already. You may or may not find them helpful but they're there if you want to look at them.
Mr.Squirrel
Tom
Danj said:
I'm glad therapy's going well for you. My ex-gf told me she started seeing a therapist too, and she says it's helping her but she knows it's a slow/long process. Ultimately you have to change the way you think, which will change how you feel about yourself.
Congrats, man. You seem to be well-adjusted in your posts, and the advice you're getting seems to be very good. I'm sure you're well on your way to resolving any issues you may have, and I think you'll be a Dating Age success story. It's just a matter of time. What I like most is you're taking control of your problems and meeting them head-on.Danj said:
Danielsan said:Sounds very close to what happened to me. Except I failed to initiate any sexual actions because I was too cautious and I decided to take it (too) slow, which probably cost me my head. I know it's a lost cause, but sadly I can't get her out of my mind. A matter of heart versus brain. Her flirting last Saturday didn't help. I need some other female distraction to get over her I'm afraid...
Also better to get Daniel-san'd than get stood up.
Iv just been through a similar situation as you and you HAVE to stop talking to her.
My situation differs slightly as iv been really close friends with this girl for 8 or 9 months so was/is alot harder for me not to talk to her esp when shes initiating conversations.
Stop talking to her all together, if she messages or emails you reply but keep it brief without asking anymore questions to keep the conversation going, over time you wont care anymore and I think you'll find in however many weeks/months you'll be over her. If feel up to it you can continue the friendship but your only gonna tear yourself apart and start building un-called for animosity towards her.
Your only fooling yourself and unrequited infatuation will make you think irrational thoughts, trust me.
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