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Girl/Dating Age Part 2: A combined effort to give advice for those in need
- Thread starter -PXG-
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Hexadecimalt
Banned
Guys come in here willingly and open up their situations so they can get some advice and you just piss in their face? Why are you acting like such a jackass?jon bones said:
Laughing Banana said:
I'm sorry to hear that. But fuck that noise. Seriously, drop that bitch like an old habit. It's good that you found out now and not AFTER you got married. You dodged one helluva bullet there buddy.
Don't listen to her bullshit. Don't try to reason with her. Don't let her make excuses or justify her actions. She fucked up and made a mistake. A big one. You have absolutely zero reason to take her back and try to fix this. Fuck her. She played you and lied to you. That's unforgivable. And to think you were going to fucking marry her? Yeah....that would have made matters ten times worse.
Please, for your own sanity, just move on as fast as you can don't ever look back.
How do you go about creating a profile on one of those dating sites anyway? I revisit the idea of joining one from time to time (since I'm a much better communicator on the internet than I am in person) but they always seem to have tons of questions that I can't (or don't know how to) answer on the sign-up forms.
Blue_Gecko said:
1) this girl he's been talking to for 5 years wants to come over and have drinks at his apartment. the guy doesn't know what that means so i just cut out all the text he's confusing himself with and left him with a revised post with painfully obvious implications
2) i'm not acting
Relix said:
Tell her that. I straight up told someone I didn't want a relationship at the time and just recently told another person the same thing. If you don't want to be tied down to someone at that moment, don't lie to to them and say it's okay. Just tell them that's not what you're looking for currently. It's as simple as that. :lol
jon bones said:
To you and me, and other folks in this thread, yes, but not everyone. We wouldn't have to have this topic or need a thread if everyone knew everything and knew what to do in every situation. Some people just don't know. There's nothing wrong with that. No one here was born an expert and none one ever will be. But will some be better than others? Of course.
Yeah, sometimes it's frustrating reading posts by people who think too much into stuff, who sabotage and eliminate themselves, are delusional, stubborn, socially inept or just don't get it. We're all human. There is only so much dumb shit one can tolerate. However, we're here to help, not ridicule others and mock them. You can be honest, blunt and straight to the point, without sugar coating it or being a jerk. I'm not calling you for anything, I just don't want things getting nasty.
Striker said:
my boss always says, "sometimes true genius is the ability to see the obvious"
i think he's on point this case - from what you've said, it's clear she wants the D. godspeed, striker.
and forgive my line of questioning but have you slept with a woman before? i'm only asking because when this goes down you're going to want to make strong moves. being in your own apartment will help you feel comfortable a lot - just make sure this "sleeping on the sofa" thing doesn't come close to happening.
Solideliquid
Member
Ez,
As to your second question, if you find you are attracted to this girl because she looks like your ex, then perhaps you haven't gotten over you ex and you need more time.
As to another situation, saw this girl in the terminal and actually was walking behind her on the plane getting to the seat. So I sat next to her (seat between us was empty). We started talking, chatting her up about some dog that was really loud in the terminal.
It was an hour flight but we chatted up about what we do, where we live etc. I thought I might ask her out (I'm out of practice, so why not practice). So when the plane landed, she actually asked me how long I was staying in Atlanta, and I told her I was just visiting for a few days, "and speaking of which, I'd like to get together this weekend". That's when she smiled and kinda laughed and said No. She was going out of town this weekend or something. So so just shrugged it off "ok thought I'd asked, you are super-cute".
Oh well dudes. Keep chatting up those bitches and ask them out.
As to your second question, if you find you are attracted to this girl because she looks like your ex, then perhaps you haven't gotten over you ex and you need more time.
As to another situation, saw this girl in the terminal and actually was walking behind her on the plane getting to the seat. So I sat next to her (seat between us was empty). We started talking, chatting her up about some dog that was really loud in the terminal.
It was an hour flight but we chatted up about what we do, where we live etc. I thought I might ask her out (I'm out of practice, so why not practice). So when the plane landed, she actually asked me how long I was staying in Atlanta, and I told her I was just visiting for a few days, "and speaking of which, I'd like to get together this weekend". That's when she smiled and kinda laughed and said No. She was going out of town this weekend or something. So so just shrugged it off "ok thought I'd asked, you are super-cute".
Oh well dudes. Keep chatting up those bitches and ask them out.
-PXG- said:
I can't stress this enough. In my personal case, because I've never had many of the kinds of social experiences that other people have had, I don't have a clue about meeting people or talking to women or any of that stuff, which is why I'm in therapy where I'm hoping to get to the point where I can learn those skills. So, it's a good idea if people posting here don't assume something is obvious just because it seems that way.
Solideliquid
Member
Someone told me you need about a month for every year you were with a person. I think that even if you had a short relationship though an intense one, you probably need at least 4-6 months to get over the person. Especially if you were the one that was left behind.EzLink said:
JumpJeff84
Member
Solideliquid said:
I broke up with my girlfriend of 8 years in October. She was great, I loved her. I feel fine. On the flipside, I've had 3 month relationships that I was torn up about. A lot of it depends on where your head is at in other areas of life, and how readily you're able to get some new strange.
Point is, it's not some algorithm.
Solideliquid
Member
Well you broke up with her, so no wonder you were ok. Usually (but not in all cases) when a person breaks up with you, they have probably planned and mentally prepared for the event for some time. Therefore the person doing the leaving is usually better off mentally than the other party.
Your GF of 8 years, was she "fine" after you left?
Your GF of 8 years, was she "fine" after you left?
BladeWorker
Member
EzLink said:
Make a list of all the things you always wanted to try but never have, and try them. Your mantra for this is "don't think just do."
Make a list of all the things you really love to do, but haven't spent much time doing, and do them more often. Your mantra for this is "I feel like I'm accomplishing something by doing this."
If you're dwelling, that's where your mental energy is going. Ya gotta refocus that mental energy into something positive, which means you will have less left for dwelling.
If you try to jump back into the dating fray before you're truly ready, you'll find yourself feeling as you do - like nothing works.
jamesinclair
Banned
I need a christmas present idea!
Next week I'm finally meeting this girl in person that I I've been talking to online almost every day since October
I think I should give her a small present. Something like a CD or DVD, nothing extravagant.
But of course, since I've never met her, I don't know what she has or doesn't have.
Any ideas? Shes 22, an english major (so she likes books) and sort of nerdy (big harry potter fan).
Im think The It Crowd on DVD.
Next week I'm finally meeting this girl in person that I I've been talking to online almost every day since October
of 2009
I think I should give her a small present. Something like a CD or DVD, nothing extravagant.
But of course, since I've never met her, I don't know what she has or doesn't have.
Any ideas? Shes 22, an english major (so she likes books) and sort of nerdy (big harry potter fan).
Im think The It Crowd on DVD.
DualShadow
Member
EzLink said:Thanks man. This is sound advice. I'll work on it
BladeWorker is female.
jamesinclair said:
Why are you getting a gift for someone who've never met?
Hydranockz
Member
Nice idea. What kinda relationship is it? Close friendship?jamesinclair said:
what does gaf thinks about meeting girls through public places like grocery stores, clothing stores, gym, mall etc.? i've been doing that for a while and sometimes it's a hit or miss. right now i'm trying to change my approaches a little bit. but anyway, does anyone do this and gets any success or am i been wasting my times all these years? but i got no choice, since this is myabe my only option.
jamesinclair
Banned
DualShadow said:
Talking almost every day for over a year is more of a relationship than I have with, say, my cousins, and I'm pretty much expected to buy them something.
Hydranockz said:
Pretty much. Originally I was hoping for more, but I moved away before we could meet, so now I'd just say friends.
jamesinclair
Banned
whitehawk said:
Nope, heres the time line:
Late october 2009: Meet on OkCupid
Novemebr 2009: Chat. Set up date early December (after Thanksgiving stuff)
Early December: She cancels the day before, apologizes, asks for new date and time
Mid December: She has finals, and then I fly to California for Christmas
Early 2010: Stay in California.
So now Im going back for a week to visit friends and family, and I've set up a date or two with her.
I figured I should get her a present because she's pretty much been there for me throughout a tough year and I want to show appreciation for that.
Solideliquid
Member
Don't. You're trying to hard and doing it wrong. Getting her a gift on your first date puts a lot of undue pressure on her.
jamesinclair
Banned
Solideliquid said:
But it's not a date. By setting up a date, I literally meant a date on the calendar has been set aside.
ThLunarian
Member
Edit: Nevermind
jamesinclair
Banned
ChefRamsay said:
Yup, sounded like a trap
sooperkool
Member
tigerin said:
A date can be anywhere if you have the gravitas and confidence to pull it off. One date I had was 3 hours of us just walking around a Target and talking about people places and things in there. We eventually became a couple and are still friends to this day; we still often meet or refer to things near "our Target". Do it, man!
Captain Pants
Killed by a goddamned Dredgeling
Alright... I'm diving in.
I'm 28. I've dated some women over the years, but have never really been in a relationship. I blew it with this girl a few years ago because I'm basically clueless when it comes to picking up on hints that a woman is interested, we sorta dated for 6 months, but it all stagnated because I have no idea how to initiate things. Because of Catholic guilt that stayed with me long after I stopped believing, I am just kinda awkward and shy around women unless I've known them forever or have been friendzoned.
Anyway, last February I asked out this burlesque dancer that I know, and we went on a date. I thought it was mostly successful, but when I asked her for a second date, I was politely turned down. Normally for me, that would be the end of it, as I think so little of myself that I give up easy. Anyway, since she is friends with all of my friends, I see her quite a bit, and she is starting to get flirty with me again.
I'm going to her birthday party tomorrow. I've been instructed by her to either wear something weird or be ready to perform some sort of song and dance routine. Obviously I'm going with the weird clothing option since I have no talents to speak of when it comes to singing. My gut instinct is to go to the store, get some Bloody Mary ingredients and huge bottle of vodka and proceed to get drunk, as alcohol is really the only thing that helps me deal with large groups of people. Is that a mistake?
This girl intimidates me. I think she is sort of the Mt. Everest of my dating life. Should I have my sights set so high with such little experience? Part of why I'm interested in her is that I know she's got a decent sexual appetite, and I need to make up for lost time. I think she is really charming and fun to be around... I just can't help but feel like I have nothing to offer someone like that and that maybe I should be looking for someone a little more... tame.
I'm 28. I've dated some women over the years, but have never really been in a relationship. I blew it with this girl a few years ago because I'm basically clueless when it comes to picking up on hints that a woman is interested, we sorta dated for 6 months, but it all stagnated because I have no idea how to initiate things. Because of Catholic guilt that stayed with me long after I stopped believing, I am just kinda awkward and shy around women unless I've known them forever or have been friendzoned.
Anyway, last February I asked out this burlesque dancer that I know, and we went on a date. I thought it was mostly successful, but when I asked her for a second date, I was politely turned down. Normally for me, that would be the end of it, as I think so little of myself that I give up easy. Anyway, since she is friends with all of my friends, I see her quite a bit, and she is starting to get flirty with me again.
I'm going to her birthday party tomorrow. I've been instructed by her to either wear something weird or be ready to perform some sort of song and dance routine. Obviously I'm going with the weird clothing option since I have no talents to speak of when it comes to singing. My gut instinct is to go to the store, get some Bloody Mary ingredients and huge bottle of vodka and proceed to get drunk, as alcohol is really the only thing that helps me deal with large groups of people. Is that a mistake?
This girl intimidates me. I think she is sort of the Mt. Everest of my dating life. Should I have my sights set so high with such little experience? Part of why I'm interested in her is that I know she's got a decent sexual appetite, and I need to make up for lost time. I think she is really charming and fun to be around... I just can't help but feel like I have nothing to offer someone like that and that maybe I should be looking for someone a little more... tame.
grap3fruitman
Banned
Okay, I had encounters with two cute girls recently and I had no idea how to approach them. There was a cute cashier at the Target yesterday and the other day we ordered food at my office and the delivery girl was absolutely gorgeous. I didn't know how to approach either. Halp.
jamesinclair
Banned
jon bones said:
Because Im going to be in town for 7 days and then leave again?
grap3fruitman said:
(succesfully) Hitting on cashiers, delivery girls, or anybody you're only going to be in contact with for <1 minute is extraordinarily difficult. It's best not to even consider it a possibility for now. Work on your skills in more favorable conditions first.
Captain Pants
Killed by a goddamned Dredgeling
grap3fruitman said:
That is tricky. People in the service industry can seem like they are interested in you, but that may only be because it is their job to be nice. Then again, I guess it doesn't hurt to try. I know from working in a coffee shop that most of the girls I worked with were constantly in situations where some random customer had fallen in love with them.
demosthenes
Member
grap3fruitman said:
I worked @ Target for 7 years and most heard several stories like this. Most, if not all, just found it creepish. Now, I never saw the guys but it's very delicate, and if you're going to try it do it when nobody is around (ie) more people in line behind you).
jamesinclair
Banned
jon bones said:
Sure. But I definitely don't want a long distance relationship.
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