Wow. You guys really ran with this huh? Well let me break it down.
After I logged off GAF and went to work. I found to my dismay that the guys shift I'd taken was one of filing, I hate filing. Shit takes forever. Well I wasn't that bummed out about it, I got extra hours anyway, but I was a little angry that he'd lied to me about what he was doing today. Anyway Catherine walked by two hours in and I didn't really say anything at first, I didn't know exactly what to say "Hi" didn't seem right. So I jokingly quizzed her about why she was acessing the work server at 4 in the morning. She explained that she'd forgot some work and had stayed up anyway, I said I had stayed up too and then....awkward pause. Eyes averted both ways and I said,
cheerfully mind you, "That's cool" and promptly went back to work. She stayed for a bit longer and our eyes met as I snuck a peak Well I thought I'd "tested the waters" enough but was unsure as to what my next step would be. Halfway through my work, she came by again and asked if I wanted anything to drink. This time I bit my tongue and quickly said
"Just" a cup of water. And then my stupid ass friend in the next cubicle "I want a heart on mine too!" Jesus Christ. I gave him the stare of death and she just looked away right away and didn't say anything. I started panicking because his comment screamed "I'm insecure" and it made me worry that she might look down on me.
Well she got me the water but this time there was nothing on it. I checked. Me and my friend didn't talk for about an hour, I was beyond pissed. Eventually I opened up and told him that was a stupid thing to say, because the only way anyone would have known about the previous incident would be if I told. I didn't want her thinking I gossiped about her...er.....right...I was pretty sure I'd fucked up badly, and for some reason, I "cared" I started trying to catch her gaze and whatnot, but she wasn't being receptive. One time she just gave me this weak smile(I've seen that smile before) You know, the "You've fucked up" one that girls give? Aggravated I tried not thinking about what SHE was thinking, but it just got to me and I started making mistakes and dropping things around me. Then about thirty minutes later, she came back around wearing her suit jacket, heading for the door. Fuck, I wanted to say something, she didn't even say goodbye. I turned to me friend and just shook my head. He then went on to tell me that she was a tease anyway and that apparently(I wouldn't know since I'm still relatively new) she does this all the time. I asked him for an example and he couldn't give one. I just slumped over and tried working.
Then she came back.
I thought she forgot something and didn't even look at her as she approached and pretended to be busy "This is for you Crush, I made it myself", "Huh?" I looked up at this monstrosity of a milkshake covered in cream with cherry's on top :lol :lol I was at a loss for words. "Wow, thank you!" was all I could say, she placed it down and quickly exited before I could say goodbye.
And on the cup, on the side this time, where I couldn't miss it. A stylized(She likes to draw manga characters apparently)"Crush+Catherine" with a giant heart around it. I didn't even drink the milkshake :lol I mean, it couldn't be more blatant than that.
So there it is. It just seems a bit too much though. And before you guys hate on me, it's not that I don't understand or whatever. But there's this nagging feeling I have still, that maybe she just likes me as a friend or whatever, you know, like a good guy friend or whatever? And what my friend said about her being a flirt bothers me as well, because although she does things like this, sometimes she and I don't even say anything. If I ask her out. It causes major trouble either way, first of all: We work together, it'd be difficult to meld both. Secondly, if she says no, it'll be way difficult to work together smoothly, on top of that. I am kind of fine with her as a friend.
So is it okay if I just want to be friends? To be honest GAF, I'm simply not interested in women right now and am content being by myself. I don't NEED to date her just because she might like me right?