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Girl/Dating Age Part 2: A combined effort to give advice for those in need
- Thread starter -PXG-
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CrushDance
Banned
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twilitesparklemotion
Member
Ask her out at work with your giant testicles.CrushDance said:
What's the deal with Combine? I get that he was a poster in the original thread and Evilore banned him so he'd get his life in order. Anything else?
BladeWorker
Member
At some point in our lives we all have to suck it up and find something to start a conversation with that amounts to more substance than a lame ad that I don't even remember what the product was.Aesius said:
A movie you saw, a book you read, an article you read, a crazy thing you saw on the sidewalk today. All of these qualify as something more interesting than "whaaaaaaasaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap?"
But then again, if by your own admission you don't give a shit, why the hell contact her in the first place? I don't know about you, but I'm not a big fan of spending time with people who don't give a shit whether or not they see or hear from me again.
TurboLibre
Member
BladeWorker said:
It's hard to give a shit about someone you don't really know.
Anyways, isn't the whole idea behind confidence not giving a shit?
BladeWorker
Member
You know boys, I'm really not impressed with this "never give a shit" attitude. It's remarkably juvenile.
No, you may not feel a terrible sense of loss about not actually meeting a person if things don't work out. You may not even feel too torn up after a couple of weeks or months, depending on how things go.
But not giving a shit tells me you not only don't care presently, but you also don't want to care. You're not willing to put in the effort and you're not willing to invest any part of yourself into seeing what potential this new relationship could have to offer.
And that just plain sucks. You don't have to wear your heart on your sleeve, but surely there's a happy medium where you really do want something to work, and you're willing to put in a token amount of effort to that end, even if on the first date.
Going back to the tautology of not giving a shit meaning you're not going to give a shit, though, I suppose none of you give a shit what I have to say on the matter.
In that case, carry on. Never mind me.
No, you may not feel a terrible sense of loss about not actually meeting a person if things don't work out. You may not even feel too torn up after a couple of weeks or months, depending on how things go.
But not giving a shit tells me you not only don't care presently, but you also don't want to care. You're not willing to put in the effort and you're not willing to invest any part of yourself into seeing what potential this new relationship could have to offer.
And that just plain sucks. You don't have to wear your heart on your sleeve, but surely there's a happy medium where you really do want something to work, and you're willing to put in a token amount of effort to that end, even if on the first date.
Going back to the tautology of not giving a shit meaning you're not going to give a shit, though, I suppose none of you give a shit what I have to say on the matter.
In that case, carry on. Never mind me.
TurboLibre
Member
BladeWorker said:
I've learned the hard way time and time again that caring only leads to failure. Don't blame men for doing what works.
twilitesparklemotion
Member
There's a happy medium. Chilling out and letting opportunities arise on their own is ideal, as is capitalizing on those opportunities when they arise (HEY CRUSHDANCE ARE YOU LISTENING)BladeWorker said:
SpectreFire
Member
Pretty much this.Tkawsome said:
I'm sure most men would love to care, but experience have taught us that doing so... usually leads to heartbreak more than anything else.
It's a defense mechanism to protect us. We're not going to put ourselves out there only to be kicked while down.
CrushDance
Banned
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Solideliquid
Member
An old man, filled with regret?Norwegian Wood said:
TheVampire
Banned
Awesome
So this girl who messaged me on POF the other day I wrote about seems pretty cool.
We could only chat for about 5 minutes today then she had to leave for work 1pm-8pm today so didnt get alot of time with her.
However we did add each other to facebook and I saw some more of her pictures and shes actually pretty damn cute! I was supprised since in the past mostly fat/short/not the best looking have messaged me but shes a first.
I think ill plan to chat a few more days then ask her out.
Right now I was also going to use some other dating sites aswell but i think ill focus all my resources on this girl.
I just hope it works out beacuse she sounds perfect
So this girl who messaged me on POF the other day I wrote about seems pretty cool.
We could only chat for about 5 minutes today then she had to leave for work 1pm-8pm today so didnt get alot of time with her.
However we did add each other to facebook and I saw some more of her pictures and shes actually pretty damn cute! I was supprised since in the past mostly fat/short/not the best looking have messaged me but shes a first.
I think ill plan to chat a few more days then ask her out.
Right now I was also going to use some other dating sites aswell but i think ill focus all my resources on this girl.
I just hope it works out beacuse she sounds perfect
BladeWorker said:
stopped reading here somewhere around here
these are virile young men we're talking about here - but they are busy. demanding jobs, packed social calendars, a long list of interesting hobbies, dogs the size of bears that require care and attention (and we do care about them - they are among the most loyal and understanding friends a man will have). there are 4 million women in the city i'm in, they should all be so lucky to receive even a piece of my attention but in order for me to please as many women as possible i can't invest too much of myself in any one woman at any one time.
also, a lot of the posters with serious problems here suffer from a common ailment - they care too much too early. i'm not sure why but i do know that this is a surefire way to turn off the vast majority of women. you can call us uncaring assholes all day but what woman wants a man where she is the most important thing in his life? her company compliments his already full life.
BladeWorker said:
So is calling us "boys"
Listen, it depends on how you interpret "not give a shit." He sure as shit shouldn't be emotionally invested before the first date has even happened. Look, the dude's crapping his pants before he texts"hello." He needs to realize that sending her a text is no big deal in the grand scheme of life and that he should relax. "Not giving a shit" is not being outcome dependent with a woman you've just met. If dates( and other things continue to happen) then some effort is going to be needed on behalf of both parties.
You really seem to be taking this personally.
BladeWorker
Member
Mr.City said:
I sure as shit take things personally when what I see on this page is people wondering how to get a girl to fuck, not a girl that they like who is a good fit for them.
I am too damn familiar with feeling like a fucking piece of trash that nobody gives a shit about not to take this personally.
Did you read my entire post? I'm not talking about emotional investment in the girl. I'm talking token effort to find something that works for you. If you don't give a shit, and adopt this fatalist-it'll-happen-when-it-happens crap, or the "I don't give a shit because giving a shit will only get me hurt", guess what, no pain, no gain.
Suck it up. If you expect the fairer sex to respond and pursue you, you have GOT to show some genuine interest. We can't read your minds. But, like you, we too are equipped with bullshit meters. And not giving a shit? That's code red.
Find that happy medium. Show some interest, treat her right, and if she wastes your time, move on knowing you've done right.
There's a difference between "not giving a shit", and pretending to feign interest when you are in fact interested. You have to attain the happy medium.
This. It's happened to me a bunch before, it in fact, just happened to me and I am sure it will happen again in the future. It doesn't mean that I'll give up caring entirely though.
SpectreFire said:
This. It's happened to me a bunch before, it in fact, just happened to me and I am sure it will happen again in the future. It doesn't mean that I'll give up caring entirely though.
twilitesparklemotion
Member
Sorry about that, by the way.BladeWorker said:
SpectreFire
Member
Max@GC said:
Start caring when you're actually moving into the stages of a real relationship, but when you're dating around, go under the assumption that there's real nothing that obligates either of you to continue seeing each other.
The biggest thing people mistake when they refer to caring, is when instead of wanting something more, they're expecting something more. When things don't go their way, they get hurt because they thought something would happen.
It's perfectly fine to want to go further with a girl, but never expect that it's something that will definitely happen. My best advice is to go with the flow and have fun with what you've got. If it's going to work, it's going to work, if it doesn't, then nothing you do will change it.
jamesinclair
Banned
BladeWorker said:
Feel free to share your sob story, that's what half this thread is all about.
And in return, you will receive a combined effort to give advice for you who are in need.
So suck it up and share, or move on.
SuperAndroid17
Member
Got played hard and finally told this girl to take a hike ( de-friended her , period )
ugh its such a long story to type out...
I guess some cliffnotes will do.
Dated for 5 months
I was the rebound guy
So many red flags were raised ( refused to kiss me , hold my hand anymore or give a goodbye hug )
She walks out of our relationship at the 4month mark ( She never told me a damn thing and never gave me closure )
She tried to friendzone me without me knowing, still calling and texting me everynight.
This stupid girl twittered about her ex ( fucking really? )
I confront her and tell her everything I felt about her bullshit ( she didnt give a damn , she just said " I guess i wont talk to you anymore then , if you want "
In conclusion
Stupid girl used me as a pillow to get her ex out of her mind , it failed.
God damn...I really liked this girl and I thought she liked me. Fooled me good...
ugh its such a long story to type out...
I guess some cliffnotes will do.
Dated for 5 months
I was the rebound guy
So many red flags were raised ( refused to kiss me , hold my hand anymore or give a goodbye hug )
She walks out of our relationship at the 4month mark ( She never told me a damn thing and never gave me closure )
She tried to friendzone me without me knowing, still calling and texting me everynight.
This stupid girl twittered about her ex ( fucking really? )
I confront her and tell her everything I felt about her bullshit ( she didnt give a damn , she just said " I guess i wont talk to you anymore then , if you want "
In conclusion
Stupid girl used me as a pillow to get her ex out of her mind , it failed.
God damn...I really liked this girl and I thought she liked me. Fooled me good...
Aesius
Member
Man, what the hell. Out of nowhere that girl started bombarding me with text messages. Then I checked my FB and saw that she finally accepted my friend request, and, well.....either I was really drunk when I met her or she looks really different in pictures.
She's not unattractive by any means, but she's about as far as a girl can possibly get from my type. How can I extricate myself from this situation as painlessly (for both of us) as possible?
Edit: Ah, screw it. She just told me she wants to have a drink with me after all. I'll give it a shot (no pun intended).
She's not unattractive by any means, but she's about as far as a girl can possibly get from my type. How can I extricate myself from this situation as painlessly (for both of us) as possible?
Edit: Ah, screw it. She just told me she wants to have a drink with me after all. I'll give it a shot (no pun intended).
BladeWorker said:
I mostly agree, but you also need to appreciate the sort of guys this advice is given to.
There are a lot of guys who are more or less crippled with the fear of rejection, they cannot approach a girl because they care far too much about being rejected.
Some guys just need to get into a particular mindset, that is, being rejected isn't so bad - if a girl doesn't want to do anything with her? Fuck her, move on. It sounds... harsh, but it also blunts the pain and keeps the bitterness and self-pity at bay.
So, earlier today, the girl I was supposed to see on Wednesday asked if we could postpone our date for AFTER Christmas. She made claims saying she is really busy with all sorts of holiday related bullshit. Why it was imperative to cancel a simple lunch date on a Wednesday afternoon is beyond me. She did seem genuinely upset, though, you gotta remember...never trust a fucking a word they say. Actions speak louder than words. If she really wanted to see me, she would have cancelled what other plans she had instead.
Anyway, she's crazy if she thinks I'll just sit here and wait for her, while she guzzles down loads of cum, from God knows how many guys until then...Fuck that. Sure, I won't turn her down if she asks me chill in a couple of weeks. But I'm not going to be an idiot and not go out with other girls, when she is most likely getting stuffed and gobbling down dick after dick.
In other, much better news, I made plans with another girl instead. We're going up to NYC on Wednesday and doing all sorts of shit. It should be a lot of fun. This one is constantly reassuring me that nothing will interfere. She seems really excited. I wish I had a better jacket to wear, since it's fucking freezing out. Oh well.
The moral of the story is:
Don't get hung up on girls canceling plans on you. Most of them are indecisive as fuck, and don't know what they want. Hell, that's why they rely on us (most of the time) to take initiative and be assertive. It's either that, or they have other dudes at their disposal or, perhaps, they're legitimately busy with more important stuff. So to avoid getting upset, try to talk to other girls and make plans with them. So when shit falls through, you have plenty of back ups to keep you occupied and keep your ass rolling along.
My lunch date went down the shitter. Big deal, I now have a much better, more involved date, in a much better location, with a much more interesting and attractive girl. So I guess I lucked out.
Anyway, she's crazy if she thinks I'll just sit here and wait for her, while she guzzles down loads of cum, from God knows how many guys until then...Fuck that. Sure, I won't turn her down if she asks me chill in a couple of weeks. But I'm not going to be an idiot and not go out with other girls, when she is most likely getting stuffed and gobbling down dick after dick.
In other, much better news, I made plans with another girl instead. We're going up to NYC on Wednesday and doing all sorts of shit. It should be a lot of fun. This one is constantly reassuring me that nothing will interfere. She seems really excited. I wish I had a better jacket to wear, since it's fucking freezing out. Oh well.
The moral of the story is:
Don't get hung up on girls canceling plans on you. Most of them are indecisive as fuck, and don't know what they want. Hell, that's why they rely on us (most of the time) to take initiative and be assertive. It's either that, or they have other dudes at their disposal or, perhaps, they're legitimately busy with more important stuff. So to avoid getting upset, try to talk to other girls and make plans with them. So when shit falls through, you have plenty of back ups to keep you occupied and keep your ass rolling along.
My lunch date went down the shitter. Big deal, I now have a much better, more involved date, in a much better location, with a much more interesting and attractive girl. So I guess I lucked out.
When you hit a busy/hectic time in your life is it because you're taking dicks up the ass and guzzling cum all day? Could it be that it's the busiest time of the year and she has other things she needs to take care of and driving over to Applebees for lunch with some dude she doesn't know is low on her list of priorities for the next week and a half?-PXG- said:
demon said:
I was being facetious and purposefully blowing things out of proportion. However I usually assume the worst, so that if things truly do go wrong, I'm not too disappointed in the end. Its just my way of dealing with bad situations.
Also, flaky people annoy the hell out of me. I guess thats why I have few friends. People are constantly changing shit around until the 99th hour. I pisses me off to no end. I don't do it because I have some respect for people and know what it feels like to have disorganized schmucks fuck things up. I schedule shit in advance and (usually) get things done on time or when I say I will. Sure, life throws you curve balls. Shit happens. There are tons of people who are legitimately busy. Hey, I'll give her the benefit of the doubt: It's the holiday season, she has work, shopping and friends and family to see. That's perfectly fine. I can understand all of those reasons. Plus, she did have the decency to tell me this soon (then again, I had to initiate the conversation).
And no, don't even attempt to imply that I think I'm the center of the universe, my ass weighs a ton or I have an overwhelming sense of entitlement. I know there are an infinite amount of things more important than seeing me. However, all I ask of others is to let me know what the fuck is up and try to be a little more organized. The "Oh shit, I forgot ______ was today" excuse is so lame. I hate it and it aggravates the ever living shit out of me. I'll probably never get used to it. In fact, as I get older, my intolerance of flaky people will only become more intense. There are times when I just hate people so much. I try really hard being nice, honest and sincere and true to myself and others, but no one gives me the same courtesy. I can be the nicest, most chilled out and reasonable person you'll ever meet, but at times, be the meanest, most bitter hateful cocksucker on Earth. I blame people for that. I want to love people a lot, but they make it really hard for me. It's like they don't want me to be their friend. So I say...fuck 'em then...
EDIT
I don't really know why I said all of that. I guess I needed to get it off my chest. I'm not in a bad mood or anything. Just letting out shit I rarely get to let out. demon, I'm not mad at you at all. So no hard feelings.
Mike Works
Member
I've been keeping an eye on this thread, but haven't posted. There's far too much to respond to individually, so this is all off the top of my head:
-PGX-: I want you to read your posts at the beginning of this thread and then read your (recent) posts at the end of it. You clearly haven't gotten over something or someone- it's something I actually noticed even before your posts turned so angry; you were becoming over-excited over your prospects (despite saying you were just going to take things casually and not get hyped up). Your exuberance was telling. What's going on dude?
BladeWorker: The majority of people (asking for help) in this thread are not in any kind of relationship. There's a big difference between not caring what a stranger does or thinks of you before and when you first meet them, and not caring about your girlfriend. I think you might be misconstruing the advice people are giving on this matter- there's no point in getting into a relationship with someone you don't care about at all, so I'm fairly sure that's not the advice being given.
CrushDance: I'm pretty sure you're lying and I'll echo what that dude with the Abe Lincoln avatar said: learn how to write a fucking story.
Just my opinion(s).
-PGX-: I want you to read your posts at the beginning of this thread and then read your (recent) posts at the end of it. You clearly haven't gotten over something or someone- it's something I actually noticed even before your posts turned so angry; you were becoming over-excited over your prospects (despite saying you were just going to take things casually and not get hyped up). Your exuberance was telling. What's going on dude?
BladeWorker: The majority of people (asking for help) in this thread are not in any kind of relationship. There's a big difference between not caring what a stranger does or thinks of you before and when you first meet them, and not caring about your girlfriend. I think you might be misconstruing the advice people are giving on this matter- there's no point in getting into a relationship with someone you don't care about at all, so I'm fairly sure that's not the advice being given.
CrushDance: I'm pretty sure you're lying and I'll echo what that dude with the Abe Lincoln avatar said: learn how to write a fucking story.
Just my opinion(s).
Ether_Snake
å®å®å®å®å®å®å®å®å®å®å®å®å®å®å®
I agree with all Mike Works has said.
BladeWorker said:
I have to agree a lot with what you are saying.
After countless of rejections, and me never giving up and still putting in a lot of effort, I have my first date out of the 21 women i sent a mail to. It took a lot of effort and even if things don't work out with this date, am still damn happy i put myself out there.
You get more out of life when you let others in
Mike Works said:
My girlfriend of two years broke up with me just over a month ago. As much as I want to say I'm over her...lets face it...I'm not. Conversing, dating and seeing other girls has helped, but I can't shake the feeling that I'm taking advantage of them and using them as rebounds. It makes me feel like a douche bag. I still think about the times we had together. I think about how we used to cuddle and look into each other's eyes. I miss her kisses and the amazing sex he had. I loved sleeping with her, waking her up with a kiss and listening to her say she loved me, in the most pure innocent voice I've ever heard in my life. I miss having someone to hold, someone to love and someone to take care for. I miss all of those feelings one gets in a relationship. I absence of those feelings and that intimacy makes me feel naked and vulnerable. I want it back so bad...
Overall, my frustration is the result of being told how great I am my entire life, and how much I will amount to and how successful I will be. But despite my best efforts, very few things work out. Sure, no one's life is perfect. You can't always get what you want. I have a lot to be grateful for. I'm very lucky. However, there are so many days when I would trade all the shit I have for true, real, down to Earth friends and someone to love. I envy people so much.
People always talk about how smart I am, how creative I am, how interesting I am, how nice I am, how distinguished, confident and poised I am, ect. Folks have always said I'm an amazing guy and more than deserving of good friends and a lovely lady. And yet, for some reason, I've never had that many friends. Yeah, I've had my fair share of girlfriends. I'm not a virgin either. I just wish I had the social life that (I assume) everyone else has. It's not like I'm an asshole or have malevolent intentions. I've learned how to give myself reasonable expectations. Whenever I go out, whether its with friends or a girl, my only expectation is to have fun. When I'm on a date, I'm not expecting to get a kiss, get laid or get a girlfriend by the end of the night. All I want is to make others happy and help them enjoy themselves. Nothing else matters when you're alone and have no one special to share life with. I love being alone at times, because it allows me to think and do my work. But there are other times where I can't stand it and have intense, burning desire to be around people. I don't want people to feed me compliments or boost my ego. I just want honest, cool people who like me for who I am and allow me to make them feel good. And I'm not pushy either. I know how to take a hint. I don't think I'm desperate, clingy or obsessive either. I know when to back off. So I don't know what the fuck is going on. What gives?
I was so happy when I had a girl who loved me and allowed me to help her. For years, I dreamed of having such a relationship. After a lot of work, pain and heartache, I finally got what I wished for. Words can't describe how amazing it was. It was infinitely better than what I had anticipated. But now, that feeling is gone. It was a like drug. I'm addicted and MUST have it. I can't live without it. My life, no matter how good or stable it is, is incomplete with out it. If all the balls aren't in the air, something is wrong. A lot of people have warned me that I'm a perfectionist. That explains why I hate pretty much despise all of my art when I'm done with it :lol Once in a blue moon, I'll be content with my work. But I guess that is something all artists endure. No (good) artist wants to be complacent. They want to improve, and enhance their craft. Anyway, I digress...
So yeah, I'm pretty fucked up and have a lot of pent up anger, sorrow and frustration. However, I wake up every day, and tell myself that if I work hard enough, and persevere, that things will eventually go my way. One day, I will find a close circle of friends who respect me and I will find that girl who let me be the man of her dreams and sweep off her feet. I know those sort of things don't happen over night and it's immature and naive to expect it to be that way. But damnit, I wish i they could. I want to love people and allow me to love them, but they make it so fucking hard. It's like they don't want me to be their friend.
CrushDance
Banned
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TacticalFox88
Banned
I have an urge to screw my best friend (girl) but she's in a loving relationship and she...religious. Why do these things happen to me!? Add to the fact that the only reason she didn't fuck me two years ago was because she was in fucking Arkansas (then changes her mind) adds to the frustration
BananaBomb
Member
-PXG- said:
You remind me of one of my friends who complains about similar things. My opinion is that to make friends it is not enough to simply want to enjoy their company and want them to enjoy yours likewise. You have to be better than them - more interesting or more intelligent in several specific ways. The blander friendships I have are with people who are "on my level," with the same life situation and the same set of skills. I am either much smarter or much dumber or much funnier or much less outgoing than my best friends, and every one of my best friends is much more something than me, be it artistic or emotionally perceptive or what have you. Be better than people, that's what's intriguing. Otherwise you're just another boring dude.
Sorry that this is kind of OT.
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