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[-PXG-]

You remind me of one of my friends who complains about similar things. My opinion is that to make friends it is not enough to simply want to enjoy their company and want them to enjoy yours likewise. You have to be better than them - more interesting or more intelligent in several specific ways. The blander friendships I have are with people who are "on my level," with the same life situation and the same set of skills. I am either much smarter or much dumber or much funnier or much less outgoing than my best friends, and every one of my best friends is much more something than me, be it artistic or emotionally perceptive or what have you. Be better than people, that's what's intriguing. Otherwise you're just another boring dude.

Sorry that this is kind of OT.

My dad tells me I should seek people who are higher achievers and who are more successful. However, the problem with those kind of people is that they are too busy doing their own thing. They're constantly hustlin', getting made and getting paid to give a damn about other people. Same thing with girls. There's nothing wrong with working hard, being driven and motivated. However, I'm not going to waste my time pursuing someone who is too busy, don't have the time or too into themselves to care about having friends or being in a relationship.

 

[Rocket Scientist]

God damn...I really liked this girl and I thought she liked me. Fooled me good...

Man that sucks. Good thing you decided to cut communication, fuck it. Get some of your homies together, bring some videogames, hard liqour, and have the most awesome and manly man night there ever was.

 

[BananaBomb]

My dad tells me I should seek people who are higher achievers and who are more successful. However, the problem with those kind of people is that they are too busy doing their own thing. They're constantly hustlin', getting made and getting paid to give a damn about other people. Same thing with girls. There's nothing wrong with working hard, being driven and motivated. However, I'm not going to waste my time pursuing someone who is too busy, don't have the time or too into themselves to care about having friends or being in a relationship.

I don't necessarily agree with your dad. My very best friends are certainly "lower achievers" in the sense your dad is probably referring to. The nice thing about these people is that they have this extra time and ambition to be very good at other things that the more focused people neglect. I say you should look for friendships where you would not necessarily expect to find them, and above all, don't be judgmental. Just by virtue of your good work ethic and achievement you can gain a lot of respect for yourself from others, you just need to find some quality in another person that you admire for you to be able to reciprocate that respect.

 

[Gaaraz]

My long distance relationship is long distance no longer... girlfriend just quit her joke of a uni! \o/

I'd be feeling really bad if I was the only reason she was coming back, and whilst I'm definitely a (fairly big) part of it, everything there was just wrong for her, her uni was terrible, her accommodation was even worse despite paying £9k a year for a single room, and generally... I don't know, just so happy right now because I think it's best for both of us, and no more 10 hours travelling every weekend! \o/

 

[vitaminwateryum]

My long distance relationship is long distance no longer... girlfriend just quit her joke of a uni! \o/

I'd be feeling really bad if I was the only reason she was coming back, and whilst I'm definitely a (fairly big) part of it, everything there was just wrong for her, her uni was terrible, her accommodation was even worse despite paying £9k a year for a single room, and generally... I don't know, just so happy right now because I think it's best for both of us, and no more 10 hours travelling every weekend! \o/

Wow. Honestly dude I didn't expect your relationship to last very long with the way things started out, but good luck and congratulations if y'all are making it work.

 

[-PXG-]

I don't necessarily agree with your dad. My very best friends are certainly "lower achievers" in the sense your dad is probably referring to. The nice thing about these people is that they have this extra time and ambition to be very good at other things that the more focused people neglect. I say you should look for friendships where you would not necessarily expect to find them, and above all, don't be judgmental. Just by virtue of your good work ethic and achievement you can gain a lot of respect for yourself from others, you just need to find some quality in another person that you admire for you to be able to reciprocate that respect.

That's how I am though

 

[-PXG-]

You know boys, I'm really not impressed with this "never give a shit" attitude. It's remarkably juvenile.

No, you may not feel a terrible sense of loss about not actually meeting a person if things don't work out. You may not even feel too torn up after a couple of weeks or months, depending on how things go.

But not giving a shit tells me you not only don't care presently, but you also don't want to care. You're not willing to put in the effort and you're not willing to invest any part of yourself into seeing what potential this new relationship could have to offer.

And that just plain sucks. You don't have to wear your heart on your sleeve, but surely there's a happy medium where you really do want something to work, and you're willing to put in a token amount of effort to that end, even if on the first date.

Going back to the tautology of not giving a shit meaning you're not going to give a shit, though, I suppose none of you give a shit what I have to say on the matter.

In that case, carry on. Never mind me.

I agree. But I think some people have that attitude and use it merely for protection and self preservation. Its not an attempt to act tough or look cool. I wouldn't assume it's for affect.

 

[grap3fruitman]

Find that happy medium. Show some interest, treat her right, and if she wastes your time, move on knowing you've done right.

So what do you suggest when you try to be a nice guy but are incredibly shy and every single woman you've ever asked out has shot you down? Where's the "happy medium" there?

 

[-PXG-]

So what do you suggest when you try to be a nice guy but are incredibly shy and every single woman you've ever asked out has shot you down? Where's the "happy medium" there?

Don't try, BE. Don't act in ways that aren't true to yourself. Don't pretend to be a good person, become a good person.

Also, stop being shy, be more confident, be more assertive and take more initiative. Problem solved. Assuming everything else is in order, and you're honest and have reasonable expectations, you should be good.

 

[Magik]

So what do you suggest when you try to be a nice guy but are incredibly shy and every single woman you've ever asked out has shot you down? Where's the "happy medium" there?

What exactly is your definition of a "nice guy"? Are you a doormat nice guy? Creepy nice guy?

In regards to your shyness, start doing things that will help reduce your anxiety and shyness when it comes to women.

You're going to have to work you ass off in order to achieve that medium.

 

[-PXG-]

What exactly is your definition of a "nice guy"? Are you a doormat nice guy? Creepy nice guy?

In regards to your shyness, start doing things that will help reduce your anxiety and shyness when it comes to women.

You're going to have to work you ass off in order to achieve that medium.

I'm always tempted to scream your posts out loud. Your avatar doesn't help. :lol

 

[Danj]

In regards to your shyness, start doing things that will help reduce your anxiety and shyness when it comes to women.

Just out of curiosity, has anyone got any specific suggestions for this?

 

[jon bones]

So what do you suggest when you try to be a nice guy but are incredibly shy and every single woman you've ever asked out has shot you down? Where's the "happy medium" there?

be less nice

 

[Kinitari]

Quick Anecdote from a few nights back:

Me and two male friends of mine went clubbing. We never go clubbing - ever, this is like my first time, and maybe the second time for one of my friends. We are so new at this that we went way too early and walked into some dead clubs. Anyway, first place we go to has a pool table, so we play some pool. Next to us is a dude and a girl also playing pool, a few minutes in he asks us to play doubles - we do it and he introduces us to his cousin. Spoiler alert, one of my friends has a date with her today.

Anyway, long long long story short (was an amazing night) more people show up, and we start dancing - while one of my friends was slowly and cautiously courting the dude's cousin, my other friend was sort of just... aimlessly dancing. The guy (just to make it easier, let's call him Bob) who introduced us to his cousin however, was more or less going up to random girls, grabbing them and dancing with them. At first I am like "This man is too brazen!" but I notice most of the girls would not spurn him - and the ones who did were mostly nice about it. He wasn't particularly good looking, and when he talked, you knew he wasn't particularly bright - but he was confident as fuck.

As the night progressed we went to two different clubs, danced for hours, and Bob here had made out with at least 6 different girls, gotten 3 numbers and in general danced with nearly every girl there. He was kind of gross and dumb, but somewhere in there is an important lesson. My other friends are both smart and reasonably good looking, but one of them got a date because he was lucky enough to be introduced - the ice was broken for him, and he slowly worked his magic after that. My other friend at most danced -near- women, because he said to me "It just seems rude to grab a girl and grind up against her".

I don't know what the lesson that I learned that day is, I wish I did so I could properly convey it to my friends, I don't think the clubbing scene is something we will ever really frequent, but the lesson learned is probably something that can apply elsewhere. If I had to guess it's... don't over think it, just go for it, if she protests - move on.

 

[Aurora]

Just out of curiosity, has anyone got any specific suggestions for this?

Basically more exposure to women. Start talking to random girls on the street, in the café, wherever it may be. You're not flirting with them, you're just chatting and being friendly. You'll be surprised how positively some people react.

Maybe join some kind of art class / cooking class or other social thing that will group you with girls. Any kind of exposure is good. Slowly but surely girls will become demystified and your confidence around them will grow.

 

[Klyka]

The problem with demystifying women is that after some time they really aren't anything special anymore and you don't really care about interacting with them or not.

 

[jon bones]

The problem with demystifying women is that after some time they really aren't anything special anymore and you don't really care about interacting with them or not.

everything you've ever written about women is wrong

 

[Aurora]

The problem with demystifying women is that after some time they really aren't anything special anymore and you don't really care about interacting with them or not.

That's complete bullshit. Man can never tire of women, nor can he ever demystify them. By demystify I simply meant understand that they are just people and not this ethereal creature beyond reach. Demystifying them to this point actually enhances your appreciation of women because you learn more about them and in turn learn more about yourself, what you like and what makes you happy.

 

[-PXG-]

The problem with demystifying women is that after some time they really aren't anything special anymore and you don't really care about interacting with them or not.

Says the guy with Bayonetta's ass as his avatar :lol

For real though, I'm sorry you feel that way. Sure, it's wrong to put them on pedestals, but girls are a lot of fun. I can understand if you've had a bad past with them, or gay even. Nothing wrong with that.

 

[Mr.City]

I can't help but feel that the same ground is being treaded over and over again by the same people.

 

[GiJoccin]

I can't help but feel that the same ground is being treaded over and over again by the same people.

isn't that how it works though? you coulda told me 85 times not to put girls on a pedestal, and I still did (im sure I still do, not as badly as I used to though...). took realizing it for myself that I have to relax a bit and let things happen, and to not get overly excited about something and plan ahead, when I should be focused on the here and now.

 

[Klyka]

I can't help but feel that the same ground is being treaded over and over again by the same people.

Well, this IS Girl-Age No. 2.

 

[Parts]

Mwahahahaha meeting a girl for coffee tomorrow GAF! It's weird how I'm more nervous about this than inviting girls round to my house immediately like I always have before, it's my first 'date' since two years ago when I started going out with my now ex. I've slept with over 10 girls since then and yet am still nervous simply as it feels more official than inviting them round mine to 'watch a film'! She seems like a good girl aswell, so I'm chuffed. I'm going away in a few months so can't be getting into anything serious but either way it's nice to be getting ready to see a girl whose personality I actually like :lol

 

[Aesius]

Mwahahahaha meeting a girl for coffee tomorrow GAF! It's weird how I'm more nervous about this than inviting girls round to my house immediately like I always have before, it's my first 'date' since two years ago when I started going out with my now ex. I've slept with over 10 girls since then and yet am still nervous simply as it feels more official than inviting them round mine to 'watch a film'! She seems like a good girl aswell, so I'm chuffed. I'm going away in a few months so can't be getting into anything serious but either way it's nice to be getting ready to see a girl whose personality I actually like :lol

Where'd you meet her at? Where'd you meet those other 10 girls at?

 

[whitehawk]

Protip: Dress well, get a nice haircut, and feel confident in how you look. Not neccasarily for other people, but yourself. I know that when I'm wearing some fresh clothes and I got a nice clean haircut, I feel so much more confident in myself. None of this "I don't care how people think I look, I'll dress how I want to". Do it for yourself, it does wonders to your confidence.

 

[Parts]

Where'd you meet her at? Where'd you meet those other 10 girls at?

Hah, the others were all one night stands that I met in the Uni clubs/at house parties/travelling in Asia and then either started to see them very casually or never spoke to again. And I met her at the Uni club last night and didn't make out with her/go home with her immediately, so I took that as a sign that maybe I could actually get to know this girl in a way other than sex. I'm getting bored of one night stands or fuck buddy relationships. While I'm going to college in America next year (Kansas specifically) so I'm not going to be boyfriending anyone anytime soon, it'd be cool to actually get to know a girl again, as I haven't really got 'close' to one since my ex.

 

[Aesius]

Hah, the others were all one night stands that I met in the Uni clubs/at house parties/travelling in Asia and then either started to see them very casually or never spoke to again. And I met her at the Uni club last night and didn't make out with her/go home with her immediately, so I took that as a sign that maybe I could actually get to know this girl in a way other than sex. I'm getting bored of one night stands or fuck buddy relationships. While I'm going to college in America next year (Kansas specifically) so I'm not going to be boyfriending anyone anytime soon, it'd be cool to actually get to know a girl again, as I haven't really got 'close' to one since my ex.

You must be a fairly extroverted and good looking guy, eh?

 

[norinrad]

my date is in two hours and am nervous as fuck. I keeping reaping it in my head be yourself, be yourself, smile, joke, don't be too serious, make her laugh, listen carefully to what she says and just behave.

I have been thinking about it too much i had to take an aspirin at work.

 

[Parts]

You must be a fairly extroverted and good looking guy, eh?

I'm no model definately but I'd like to think I dress well and yeah, extroverted is definately a word that could be used. :lol Never used to be though, it's been me improving myself for the last four years that's got to this point. It's quite funny that I'm as excited as I am for tomorrow. It's just unusual for me to meet a girl who has a personality that I find just as attractive as her, probably because I do most of my stuff in clubs and so tend to weed out 'good girls' without meaning too by being so forward.

Wish me luck GAF.

 

[LegoDad]

Hah, the others were all one night stands that I met in the Uni clubs/at house parties/travelling in Asia and then either started to see them very casually or never spoke to again. And I met her at the Uni club last night and didn't make out with her/go home with her immediately, so I took that as a sign that maybe I could actually get to know this girl in a way other than sex. I'm getting bored of one night stands or fuck buddy relationships. While I'm going to college in America next year (Kansas specifically) so I'm not going to be boyfriending anyone anytime soon, it'd be cool to actually get to know a girl again, as I haven't really got 'close' to one since my ex.

Which Uni in Kansas?

 

[whitehawk]

my date is in two hours and am nervous as fuck. I keeping reaping it in my head be yourself, be yourself, smile, joke, don't be too serious, make her laugh, listen carefully to what she says and just behave.

I have been thinking about it too much i had to take an aspirin at work.

Chill son.

 

[Parts]

Which Uni in Kansas?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/University_of_Kansas

If anyone knows anything about this Uni by the way I'd appreciate a PM as it's been hard to get any actual info on it. :lol If you could tell me about the all the hot girlz there it counts as relevant I guess.

 

[twilitesparklemotion]

CrushDance: I'm pretty sure you're lying and I'll echo what that dude with the Abe Lincoln avatar said: learn how to write a fucking story.

:lol

Why are you sorry? Let's not pretend as if every single girl is only interested in a meaningful relationship and not an easy lay.

This thread is very, very sex-oriented.

The original text under the third panel read, "There is so much more to life than sex." Couldn't find the original and I had to look through a lot of penis.

words (but well-organized and engaging words, Crush)

I'm sort of the same way. I'm fucking awesome (no, really) but have never been able to hold down a healthy relationship. The only relationship I had was just bizarre and really bad for me, and I'm still trying to get over thinking about that all the time. Chin up, buddy.

 

[-PXG-]

:lol

This thread is very, very sex-oriented.

The original text under the third panel read, "There is so much more to life than sex." Couldn't find the original and I had to look through a lot of penis.

I'm sort of the same way. I'm fucking awesome (no, really) but have never been able to hold down a healthy relationship. The only relationship I had was just bizarre and really bad for me, and I'm still trying to get over thinking about that all the time. Chin up, buddy.

Is this in reference to my big ass post on the previous page?

 

[twilitesparklemotion]

Is this in reference to my big ass post on the previous page?

Yes. Sorry, I went to bed.

 

[whitehawk]

:lol

This thread is very, very sex-oriented.

The original text under the third panel read, "There is so much more to life than sex." Couldn't find the original and I had to look through a lot of penis.

This?

 

[Magik]

Just out of curiosity, has anyone got any specific suggestions for this?

Simple. Talk to people.

Like I said in the previous Girl-age thread, one of the best ways I found at getting better at talking to people was to chat with people in retail. In my case, since I'm working at a Grocery store, it was talking to cashiers, which most were women, sales reps and customers. A few years back I could barely keep a conversation going but now, after talking to so many people with different personailities, having a simple chat is the easiest thing in the world. Heck, it helped me sell quite a bit of product in the process.

Start small if you have to even if its simply saying "hello". Do it enough times and it becomes natural and continue to build upon it till you reach whatever goal it is that you set out on.

 

[-PXG-]

Simple. Talk to people.

Like I said in the previous Girl-age thread, one of the best ways I found at getting better at talking to people was to chat with people in retail. In my case, since I'm working at a Grocery store, it was talking to cashiers, which most were women, sales reps and customers. A few years back I could barely keep a conversation going but now, after talking to so many people with different personailities, having a simple chat is the easiest thing in the world. Heck, it helped me sell quite a bit of product in the process.

Start small if you have to even if its simply saying "hello". Do it enough times and it becomes natural and continue to build upon it till you reach whatever goal it is that you set out on.

This

Spoiler

post should be in all caps to match your avatar

A couple of weeks ago, after I had that shitty date with the shy virgin, I went to a Quick Check and got myself a sammich. The cashier was a girl, who looked around the same age as me. She was talking to one of her co-workers (guy, around the same age too) who looked like he was on his way out for the night. They were discussing how much work sucked and how much they wanted to go home. I decided to enter the conversation. I mentioned that I had a crappy night and was happy to be going home to a fridge full of beer and tasty sandwich. I asked them to suggest things I could do to occupy myself. You know, small talk.

Eventually, the other dude went elsewhere, so it was just me and the girl cashier. We continued the conversation without him. Things were fine until she started talking about her kid, her "baby's daddy" and that kind of shit....yeah....Fuck that....:lol

Anyway, I've made it a habit to initiate small talk and friendly conversations with people in stores. I certainly did it a lot when I worked in retail. Not only does it help you hone your social skills, but you never know...you just might make someone's day. It may not seem like much, but making that person crack a smile or giggle might be what they need to turn that not-so-great day into a good one.

 

[grap3fruitman]

one of the best ways I found at getting better at talking to people was to chat with people in retail. In my case, since I'm working at a Grocery store, it was talking to cashiers, which most were women, sales reps and customers.

Doesn't work. I did retail for three years, even going as far as to sell women's shoes for a year in a popular suburban mall with lots of cute girls and I'm no different than I was before that.

I did want the lady's opinion on what I had to say though. Has she been around? I quoted her specifically to get a response out of her.

Don't try, BE. Don't act in ways that aren't true to yourself. Don't pretend to be a good person, become a good person.

I say "try" because I do and it doesn't work. I've never gotten a positive response.

Also, stop being shy, be more confident, be more assertive and take more initiative. Problem solved. Assuming everything else is in order, and you're honest and have reasonable expectations, you should be good.

If only I could reach the Shyness On/Off switch on my back.

 

[twilitesparklemotion]

This?

This. It's one of those things I keep going back to.

 

[LegoDad]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/University_of_Kansas

If anyone knows anything about this Uni by the way I'd appreciate a PM as it's been hard to get any actual info on it. :lol If you could tell me about the all the hot girlz there it counts as relevant I guess.

Ah the bad Univeristy in Kansas.. Kansas State is where you want to go, lol. There are plenty of hot chicks there you will have no trouble, you are also 30 mins outside of Kansas City which makes it even better.

 

[Patriotsbball5460]

So, here is my dilemma GAF:

This one girl and I had a thing about 6 months ago, we went on a bunch of dates, hooked up a few times, but then I decided to end it because I felt we were better off as friends. We were not officially dating, but people knew we were close to it(which we were), but then I decided to stop it before it truly began.

Turns out we didnt really become friends after that, it has just been awkward encounters around each other because neither of us knew what to do.. :lol

Fast forward to now, neither of us have had anything serious and she has made the attempt to start talking to me again and over the past few months I had started to question my decision on if I should have ended it before our it really began the first time. She seems to still be interested and has taken initiative, should I try it again and see where things go? Maybe just act friendly for a bit and then in a few weeks or so start to become serious again? Suggestions?

Because I think it is valuable to understanding the situation, here is my response to jon bones question. It helps to explain my side some more..

why did you end it the first time? not attracted? not looking for a relationship?

I guess there is more to the story that I should elaborate on...

I had to leave for a 6 week stay that separated us right when things were starting to become serious. And by the time I got back, I just had lost a little something for it(which I imagine is common), and I proceeded to end it, which may have been a little bit premature.

I was/am still attracted to her, and he personality is easy going, and fun loving, the only thing about her that ever annoyed me was that she was slightly ditzy/air headed. At the time of coming back I wasn't necessarily still wanting(with anyone, not just her) a relationship which hindered it. But now that it has been six months and I am ready for a relationship again, I am thinking that maybe I should give it a second shot to see if things are different.

 

[jon bones]

why did you end it the first time? not attracted? not looking for a relationship?

 

[Enco]

So, here is my dilemma GAF:

This one girl and I had a thing about 6 months ago, we went on a bunch of dates, hooked up a few times, but then I decided to end it because I felt we were better off as friends. We were not officially dating, but people knew we were close to it(which we were), but then I decided to stop it before it truly began.

Turns out we didnt really become friends after that, it has just been awkward encounters around each other because neither of us knew what to do.. :lol

Fast forward to now, neither of us have had anything serious and she has made the attempt to start talking to me again and over the past few months I had started to question my decision on if I should have ended it before our it really began the first time. She seems to still be interested and has taken initiative, should I try it again and see where things go? Maybe just act friendly for a bit and then in a few weeks or so start to become serious again? Suggestions?

As jon said, it depends why you ended it the first time.

If it was for a serious reason (not liking her any more) then be very wary of getting back together. Things don't tend to improve the second time round as many may think.

 

[hellclerk]

This. It's one of those things I keep going back to.

It's a Perry Bible Fellowship comic. Don't know how serious you can take it (also, I KNEW the style looked familiar).

As for on topic, I've FINALLY got a hot date on Friday going to a show in Manhattan with Jason Yudoff and the New Hotness (moving back to the city helps with these things), and I'm not going to bother getting any advice from you guys because I'd rather live and learn through my own screw-ups than listen to people tell me to be confident and get a haircut. I do hope to share the details with you guys though, whether I'll be bragging or complaining, you'll just have to find out. :3

 

[Patriotsbball5460]

why did you end it the first time? not attracted? not looking for a relationship?

Added my answer to the initial post. Think it may help for people new to reading it. Then able to get full story/explanation

 

[Varjet]

As for on topic, I've FINALLY got a hot date on Friday going to a show in Manhattan with Jason Yudoff and the New Hotness (moving back to the city helps with these things), and I'm not going to bother getting any advice from you guys because I'd rather live and learn through my own screw-ups than listen to people tell me to be confident and get a haircut. I do hope to share the details with you guys though, whether I'll be bragging or complaining, you'll just have to find out. :3

So how did that crown of sonnets work out?

 

[Enco]

I guess there is more to the story that I should elaborate on...

I had to leave for a 6 week stay that separated us right when things were starting to become serious. And by the time I got back, I just had lost a little something for it(which I imagine is common), and I proceeded to end it, which may have been a little bit premature.

I was/am still attracted to her, and he personality is easy going, and fun loving, the only thing about her that ever annoyed me was that she was slightly ditzy/air headed. At the time of coming back I wasn't necessarily still wanting(with anyone, not just her) a relationship which hindered it. But now that it has been six months and I am ready for a relationship again, I am thinking that maybe I should give it a second shot to see if things are different.

I would probably go very slowly then.

See how things go with her a few weeks in before making it serious.

Convincing yourself that you want something when you know you really don't is the worst thing that can happen. Not saying you are. Just thought I'd share that :lol It applies to anything really.

 

[Patriotsbball5460]

I would probably go very slowly then.

See how things go with her a few weeks in before making it serious.

Convincing yourself that you want something when you know you really don't is the worst thing that can happen. Not saying you are. Just thought I'd share that :lol It applies to anything really.

Honestly, no, I think you are spot on. That is what I am afraid I am doing. But I really am not sure. I can't yet tell if my mind is playing tricks on me, or I truly do want something again. I think letting it play out, and talking to her some more could possibly clear this up over time. Least I hope it will

 

[Slo]

No. If she likes me, REALLY likes me. She'll stay.

:lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol


**BREATHE**



:lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol