I was under the impression that you were older or at least the same age. Either way my opinion still stands. Don't ask him if he wants to, tell him that he's going to. Maybe you can contact these friends of his and tell them to do something else with him rather than gaming in the weekends.Ace_235 said:
Girl/Dating Age Part 2: A combined effort to give advice for those in need
- Thread starter -PXG-
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Danielsan said:
Yeah i kinda figured thats why i pointed my age out. Thats the thing about these friends he met them on the game sooo he doesnt really even know them. But what could i tell him to get him motivated to buy some clothes (they are all way to big) that fit him and come out and socialize?
I was afraid of that. No friends outside of the ones he's met online?Ace_235 said:
I wish I could give more advice, but I honestly have no idea. Games have taken up a huge portion of my life and at times still frequently do. However these days I would never let a video game prevent me from partaking in social activities with my friends. I'm lucky to have a great group of friends from back in high school and who've I've been able to rely on for years. At some point I just decided to become more sociable and more outgoing, but it helps when you have a group of friends to coerce you into more social activities. It wasn't a guarantee to get a girlfriend (certainly wasn't for me), but I met a ton of great new people and got better in social situations to the point where I started dating and hanging out with quite a few women over the course of this last year. I screw up all the time because I'm still not quite there, but progress takes time and each failed date or social fuck up is another step on the progress ladder.
In a way your family member also needs to come to understand that its about finding a balance between video games, other geeky shit and socializing. Because you are right. Eventually he will come to regret wasting his entire youth playing games, hell maybe he already does. The problem is that video games are his escape from this realization and he needs other people to push him toward more social activities. It's never too late, but better sooner than later of course.
Danielsan said:
One thing I like to say to everyone is that there is always plenty to do no matter where you live. There are better things out there than video games
Danielsan said:
I think increased socialization is a gradual process for everyone. It won't happen overnight for this guy, but he definitely needs to be brought out more frequently.
Awesome, I finally made someone's ignore list! I guess that is easier than acknowledging my point or explaining why I am full of shit...let us know how that big talk with your girl works out for you!SRG01 said:Yeah... we've been dating for longer than that. Sorry bro. You're now on my ignore list.
Guys I have a birthday party coming up this weekend! I'll be turning 28 and according to my facebook event I have 15 friends showing up Saturday night at a local bar. I'm pretty pumped as this is one of the few days in the year you can go out and really make the night about yourself.
This should be a MONEY night as far as opening sets with other women. First I have a big crowd with me so everyone will wonder what we're celebrating. Second I need to make sure I bring the energy and do some kino with my friends to show I'm not afraid of being touched. Third I will need to get off my ass and approach the ladies.
I might even report on gaf if I get drunk enough. lol Anyone have some good birthday openers they have tested in the field?
This should be a MONEY night as far as opening sets with other women. First I have a big crowd with me so everyone will wonder what we're celebrating. Second I need to make sure I bring the energy and do some kino with my friends to show I'm not afraid of being touched. Third I will need to get off my ass and approach the ladies.
I might even report on gaf if I get drunk enough. lol Anyone have some good birthday openers they have tested in the field?
The Shadow
Member
soultron said:
I don't know. It's been a year and a half since the breakup and I don't think about her at all anymore. I don't really feel sadness or loss or anything like that. I'm ready to move on.
And I wouldn't say I want to be in love. More like I just want to feel *something*. I truly feel emotionally dead inside, like a robot lately. For a while now I've just been telling myself that this girl or that girl just wasn't right for me but all of them? The same absence of any kind of attachment?
Like you advised, I did take a big break from dating, during the entire summer actually. Didn't go out with anyone, no numbers, nothing. It didn't help.
You're right though, I'm not sorted and I don't intend to drag them along. If things to start to feel serious, I'll let them know.
So....
Had a date set for tonight. We were going to get a drink around in a city at the halfway point from both of us. At around 4pm she texts me to apologize because she apparently has double booked today and had a prior engagement with a friend of hers. Pitty, but okay, shit happens.
She just called me to ask what I was doing and whether it was okay if she came by, because she couldn't find a hole in her agenda for the next couple of days. I said sure, come on over and gave her my address.
Not prepared for this however. I live on my own, but only very recently and the place is a bit of a dump. Also first date with her, in my own home. Any quick tips? I have about 1 hour to clean shit up, but will be checking into this thread every now and then.
Had a date set for tonight. We were going to get a drink around in a city at the halfway point from both of us. At around 4pm she texts me to apologize because she apparently has double booked today and had a prior engagement with a friend of hers. Pitty, but okay, shit happens.
She just called me to ask what I was doing and whether it was okay if she came by, because she couldn't find a hole in her agenda for the next couple of days. I said sure, come on over and gave her my address.
Not prepared for this however. I live on my own, but only very recently and the place is a bit of a dump. Also first date with her, in my own home. Any quick tips? I have about 1 hour to clean shit up, but will be checking into this thread every now and then.
Yeah, just tidy up a bit, but don't go overboard and make it look like a showroom.
Do you plan on drinking? If so maybe get a bottle of wine ready. Otherwise if the shop's close by I actually like taking the girl with me to choose a bottle. I just chat shit about stuff I learned from a wine-tasting session, and bust her balls for not knowing anything. Can be pretty funny.
Maybe create a playlist or two on your ipod...
You don't really need to prepare all that much. The more casual and relaxed the atmosphere the better.
Let us know
Do you plan on drinking? If so maybe get a bottle of wine ready. Otherwise if the shop's close by I actually like taking the girl with me to choose a bottle. I just chat shit about stuff I learned from a wine-tasting session, and bust her balls for not knowing anything. Can be pretty funny.
Maybe create a playlist or two on your ipod...
You don't really need to prepare all that much. The more casual and relaxed the atmosphere the better.
Let us know
Well she is driving over here so alcohol is most likely out of the question. Asked her what she'd like to drink and tea or water was the answer. Bought a bottle of Prosecco anyway, just be sure. Probably should work on some music.Aurora said:Yeah, just tidy up a bit, but don't go overboard and make it look like a showroom.
Do you plan on drinking? If so maybe get a bottle of wine ready. Otherwise if the shop's close by I actually like taking the girl with me to choose a bottle. I just chat shit about stuff I learned from a wine-tasting session, and bust her balls for not knowing anything. Can be pretty funny.
Maybe create a playlist or two on your ipod...
You don't really need to prepare all that much. The more casual and relaxed the atmosphere the better.
Let us know
Dabookerman
Member
How does one stay patient whilst being seemingly lovesick?
Wish my rational sensible side was always in control.. urgh
Wish my rational sensible side was always in control.. urgh
Well that was rather uneventful. We had reasonable fun and god damn did she talk like her life depended on it. Everything went fine but I didn't feel much attraction and I suspect the feeling is mutual. I highly doubt we'll have a follow up date so time to focus on another girl.
Danielsan said:
Yeah, you can tell it's going south when one person does all the talking. Most unattractive trait ever.
Dabookerman said:How does one stay patient whilst being seemingly lovesick?
Wish my rational sensible side was always in control.. urgh
Keep busy and keep perspective. Learn how to take advantage of your empty moments to do something stimulating, or learn how to wind down and take your mind off things.
RedHerring
Neo Member
Don't be so down, you can always turn things around. If you feel so bad about missing out at uni then go back and get involved. I've been much more involved in activities at my university since I've graduated than when I studied there! Also every uni is different. My university is in London and it was fairly social, but my brother has just started at a different uni and for various reasons it seems to be a lot quieter on campus (it's quite far out of central London) with not much going on in my brother's particular department etc. It just depends.Xun said:
Really wish my social life was better at college, goddamn. I was bullied/teased too much during my school days that it had a huge impact on my self-esteem/confidence. It got better during the first 2 years of college, but this past year (which I've literally just graduated) was completely useless due to the college moving.
Every time I read something like this my mind can't shake it at all.
Also, don't believe that schtick about finding someone pre-21. I'm 21 and lots of my friends (my age or older) seem to be breaking up. Post uni can bring about a lot of change, so it's no wonder.
Don't fret and pull yourself up, get involved in whatever you can. Tons of opportunities exist outside of uni.
Xun, I was basically in the same situation growing up. I was overweight, teased all the time for it, and am probably still dealing with those issues. But I spent a long time working at getting over it. Because the world doesn't get any easier to deal with, you feel me? It only gets harder.Xun said:
Really wish my social life was better at college, goddamn. I was bullied/teased too much during my school days that it had a huge impact on my self-esteem/confidence. It got better during the first 2 years of college, but this past year (which I've literally just graduated) was completely useless due to the college moving.
Every time I read something like this my mind can't shake it at all.
That's why it's frustrating for me, personally, to read posts like this. Don't "wish" something was better -- that's not going to do anything. Wishing implies you're not taking any physical action. It's up to you to improve your life, starting right now.
Also,
Buddha said:
TurboLibre
Member
soultron said:
Thing is, improving your life isn't enough. There's something else and I just can't figure it out.
Geographically, you are close to New York Comicon, which is coming up next month. You might consider PAX East if you can get tickets and travel sorted out. As for your friend/family member, I think you're going about it the wrong way. The problem is that he doesn't want to do the work involved in getting a girlfriend. Things like getting a haircut, buying clothes, possibly getting fit, having an exciting lifestyle so you have hobbies and experiences that you can talk about and share. It feels like your attempts at dragging him out of the house are not working because he doesn't want to get out of the house.Ace_235 said:He lives with me (18) my mom and grandmom. But yea i go to the barbershop every 2 weeks and i ask him if he wants to go and it always happens like this. "im going to the barbershop you wanna ride?" "What for? im not doing anything." "Dont you wanna meet some one or do something this weekend?" "I want to meet someone but idk what to say because i have nothing to talk about." Then we go through the whole how to approach a girl and the worse she can say is no, thing. Then eventually he says that his friends need him in the game so he cant leave. We go through this every month and im not sure what to do anymore. He has Always been like this with games every since we were little. I play games to but i dont let them take my whole life over. He always expresses to me that he wants to finally have a gf but ALWAYS backs out.
Yea that would be great but im not sure i even have the money to travel we live in NJ so the only places i go are NY and Philly because its cheap to travel there. Semi-broke college student
And you may still be able to help your friend long as his sister isnt around.
The way you fix that is you have to address the root of the problem and make it his idea to want to do all that stuff. The book How to Win Friends and Influence People should be a good reference on tactics to make people think something is their idea, so they are more inclined to do it. It's essentially the opposite of what you're doing. Leave him alone, and maybe point out the benefits of going out and doing these things. Then leave an open ended invitation that you're doing this activity, with no pressure for him to join you. When he comes of his own volition, he'll be open to new ideas/suggestions. Otherwise, it's like dragging a mule along who doesn't want to go the direction you're pulling him. Try more carrot and less stick.
Atramental
Banned
Other people have to see that you're worth their time?Tkawsome said:
I've been with the same girl since we were 14, which is a little over five years now, and we live together.
We have fun most of the time and I do love her.
However; sometimes I feel she's more like my little sister than my lover, sure we have fun together, but she can be rather immature and selfish and likes to argue about everything.
I don't feel like I have to leave or anything like that, but I kinda feel like this relationship is going no where. At the same time we've been together for long enough that the thought of not having her around is brutal. Plus most of the stuff in our place is her's so I'd be left with next to nothing. She also is really fragile.
To complicate matters there's this girl in my math class at uni that I've been spending a lot of time with. We haven't went on any dates or anything, just hung out at the uni during and between classes. I enjoy spending time with her and even if it's just a crush now I can see something serious developing with this girl. I would never break up with my girlfriend over a girl that I'm only just getting to know, but it does add to the tension.
All my friends and family adore my girlfriend so I can't exactly talk to them about this. So anyways GAF, am I fucked?
We have fun most of the time and I do love her.
However; sometimes I feel she's more like my little sister than my lover, sure we have fun together, but she can be rather immature and selfish and likes to argue about everything.
I don't feel like I have to leave or anything like that, but I kinda feel like this relationship is going no where. At the same time we've been together for long enough that the thought of not having her around is brutal. Plus most of the stuff in our place is her's so I'd be left with next to nothing. She also is really fragile.
To complicate matters there's this girl in my math class at uni that I've been spending a lot of time with. We haven't went on any dates or anything, just hung out at the uni during and between classes. I enjoy spending time with her and even if it's just a crush now I can see something serious developing with this girl. I would never break up with my girlfriend over a girl that I'm only just getting to know, but it does add to the tension.
All my friends and family adore my girlfriend so I can't exactly talk to them about this. So anyways GAF, am I fucked?
Improving your life (as in, finding your own happiness) can mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people. For the explicit purpose of this thread, if improving your success with women is one of your goals, you need to get off your ass, get your head out of either the lowest of lows (self-pity) or out of the clouds (idealized romance, romcom shit), and get messy -- making mistakes and just getting yourself out there.Tkawsome said:
The only way to get better is to fuck up a bunch of times. Once you get over that, it's a matter of continual effort to reach the level of success that you, personally, want for yourself.
That said, if you think that improving your life isn't enough, you're probably not as far along one avenue as you could be, especially if you want that avenue to feed into or off of another one. For example, you could think that working out improves your self-confidence (it should), but if you've not reached your goals for yourself there, your self-confidence won't be where you want it to be since you've directly associated the two attributes so that one (self-confidence) depends on the other (fitness goals). So, from the outside you've improved your life since you're working out, but you might not have actually gotten where you want to be since your self-confidence isn't where you want it to be yet.
grap3fruitman
Banned
Okay, so a coworker and I have been getting kind of flirty at work recently. At first, I thought it was probably just me thinking too much but we ended up going to a bar with other coworkers and she was all over my arm and we made out. A few days later I was over her place with another friend of her's for drinks and we made out some more, so the interest is clearly there. On that same night, I had no idea of what kind of horrible effects wine would have on me and... I got completely sick in her washroom. She's seemed kind of distant since and now I'm all dopey sad because it's so rare that women show interest in me and now I've gone and fucked it up. ;-;
IamMattFox
Member
No. You're nineteen.Ichor said:
Well, unless you end up staying in your current relationship for some odd reason. Then you're fucked.
Danielsan said:
Yea thx for taking time to try and help though. I really appreciate it.
eggo said:
Yeah you are right maybe i am trying to get him to do things instead of getting him to WANT to do things. Sometimes when I go out I come back home and tell him what a great time had and that he was welcome to come if he wanted to. But he just just never asks. Maybe I am doing it wrong? I asked him what he wanted to do this weekend and he said he wanted to go Bowling. I said ill see what everyone else wants to do my brother and friends. He said nevermind he doesnt want to go unless its just me him and my bro.
Etrian Oddity
Member
As someone who was in your spot a month ago, take it from me, girls bring headaches. I'm quickly learning this. -_-Tkawsome said:
Anyway, bumped into my girl at a party, and she was a hot mess being drunk. Long story short, she got upset and left (about what, I don't know), came back and just had me hold her for a while, refused to tell me anything, then left with my fag-hag/teddy bear friend (the emotional tampon for his female friends) to have a "heart to heart" about something. It's not that big of a deal (and she has her female best friend keeping an eye on her), but I hate feeling powerless to solve problems--this stems back to when I was a child and my mother (in a bad marriage) would act distraught and subconsciously ask me for help, and there was nothing I could do.
lawlohwhat
Banned
Ichor said:
You aren't fucked by any means. Believe it or not you are still VERY young. I'm 25 and my life at 19 was absolutely nothing like it is now.
You can't force yourself to love someone romantically. Trust your instincts.
TurboLibre
Member
soultron said:
I'm doing my share of fuck ups. Just waiting to see if they'll ever pay off. Hence the "wishing".
soultron said:
I have self-confidence. Even though I can be down on myself sometimes I realize I'm a great guy who has a lot to offer. So I don't think that's what is missing. Like I mentioned in another thread I feel like self-confidence is mistaken for "initiative" though, and if that's the case I don't have all that much when it comes to other people.
Etrian Oddity said:
I'm already close to giving up on anything involving relationships. I don't really need more convincing on that.
Harry_Tequila
Member
How in the name of God is it possible for a girl to text you hundreds upon hundreds of times, pretty much all day every day, over the course of more than a month, go out with you to dinner multiple times and not casually mention or even hint that she already has a boyfriend?
Friend-zoned within an inch of my life, must be. Fucking hell.
Just needed to vent.
Friend-zoned within an inch of my life, must be. Fucking hell.
Just needed to vent.
jamesinclair
Banned
Harry_Tequila said:
Sounds like she wants to bang anyway.
Not that I condone home wrecking.
white dynamite
Member
Hey Gaf!
I met this girl in class a week ago and I think she might be digging me. Yesterday in class she asked me if I could help her with a project tomorrow (Friday). Today I text her:
"Hey do you still need my talents today?"
She responds:
"Haha not now but thanks! Ur sweet"
So how do I play this right into getting laid?
I met this girl in class a week ago and I think she might be digging me. Yesterday in class she asked me if I could help her with a project tomorrow (Friday). Today I text her:
"Hey do you still need my talents today?"
She responds:
"Haha
not now but thanks! Ur sweet"So how do I play this right into getting laid?
samus i am
Member
Cubsfan23 said:
Great video.
Harry_Tequila
Member
Phthisis said:
My initial reaction was to get the fuck out of the situation, it felt like someone had just taken a cricket bat to me and it was't a particularly enjoyable feeling... She's texted me since to say she'd be sad if I treated her differently after finding out and that she'd miss talking to me. So I don't really know what to do now to be honest, whether to carry on as before but just as friends or what. Feel a bit led on to be honest.
white dynamite
Member
Cubsfan23 said:
After watching some of this dude's videos, I guess the right thing to do would be not to respond. I guess I'll try that out and see how it goes...
Etrian Oddity
Member
Well, I'll be a son of a bitch.
Apparently after I left last night, said "teddy bear" friend started creeping hard and getting all touchy-feely with the girl I'm seeing--and whom he knows I'm seeing. And he spent the night at her place.
How disappointing.
Apparently after I left last night, said "teddy bear" friend started creeping hard and getting all touchy-feely with the girl I'm seeing--and whom he knows I'm seeing. And he spent the night at her place.
How disappointing.
Jamesfrom818
Banned
Should have bailed out sooner.
DyslexicAlucard
Member
white dynamite said:
Not really. You've already set a precedent of you pursuing her, so if you don't anymore, you'll just confuse her and she'll stop talking to you.
If you really want to embrace a Brent Smith lifestyle, you have to stop contact with her altogether and start letting all of the other available women pursue you right from the start. This way, you won't be sending mixed messages.
Etrian Oddity
Member
I'm more pissed off at my chickenshit "friend" whom I've known for a long time.Jamesfrom818 said:
GhostWriter24
Member
If he moves in on your territory you've gotta lay down the law, son. Otherwise, he'll likely just do it again without a care.Etrian Oddity said:
Etrian Oddity
Member
I'm going to wait for his side of the argument before I cut off his balls. In the event he legitimately did not understand we were dating, I did send him a civil but frank text subtly telling him to watch it, and asked what went down.24FrameDaVinci said:
Honestly, the girl is irrelevant at this point. If she's a skank, then shame on her and I'm done; but shame on him for doing that to a friend he's known for a long time and who's helped him out.
Jamesfrom818
Banned
Etrian Oddity said:
Oh wait... I think I got stories mixed up.
What is the best way to gauge someone else's interest in you? I've never really had any experience in being the 'initiator.' All the girls I have been with were extremely forward and pretty much ran the whole show. I had no clue they were even interested in me until they straight up asked me out.
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