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[Furio53]

What "What the?" I'm honestly confused and I'd like some insight. Is that too much to ask for?


She was the one pushing me to go out in the first place. Not that it matters now, haha.

I'll try to help you see what others are saying. You basically "smothered" her. When she stopped replying, you should have stopped there and given her space. Each contact you sent her, made her dislike for you increase. It's a psychology thing. It sounds like shes not quite out of her relationship, perhaps feels guilty.
Im bettign by the time you sent that last text she was just saying ugghhh. It just reeks of desperation and that "acknowledge and reassure me". Which no one finds attractive. Just back off, let her do her thing and things will unfold. Don't text her or send her anything anymore, until she asks you a question.

 

[Hypnotoad]

Confidence is game. Really. And even not-so hot girls dont like to go out with guys who come off as needy. Trust me, I didnt think like this before, but its true, and I can understand why. Just some advide: dont hate yourself, and, even more important, dont hate girls. Dont put them on a pedestal either, but always be respectful. Otherwise you will never have a chance. And one other thing: being a nice guy is never enough. You can be nice and flirty, that works, but never only nice. Speak to as many girls as you can, but not only to get a date out of her. I speak with girls that I like on the street, but never with the single goal of dating or fucking her in mind. Usually it takes one or two minutes to find out if she is at least a sympathetic to you. From there, you can always decide to go on. She can become a friend or a girlfriend, or nothing at all. Just dont talk to them because you need a girlfriend, but just to get to know new people.

And actually, having a pretense to talk to somebody is not a bad thing. You need something to start a conversation. E.g. you are out on the street to buy a book. Maybe you know where the bookstore is, but why not ask the nice girl in front of you anyway? And while you are at it, give some backstory, dont just bluntly ask: Sorry, where is the bookstore? but: oh, this new book by... is just coming out, I was at my local place and they didnt have it, some im now in this part of town, could you help me for a minute? Maybe she will say: oh I like this author *dingdingding*

There are so many stuff you can think up depending on the girl and place, just be creative and dont fear to her a "no".

 

[grap3fruitman]

Confidence is game. Really. And even not-so hot girls dont like to go out with guys who come off as needy. Trust me, I didnt think like this before, but its true, and I can understand why.

I'm hardly being needy. In the past two weeks I've sent a total of four text messages, three of which were today and were "How'd you like the flowers?" "I didn't know you were back together." "What happened to your interest in me?" I hardly think that's being needy.

Speak to as many girls as you can, but not only to get a date out of her.

Again, I do not come across women outside the old women in my office.

And actually, having a pretense to talk to somebody is not a bad thing. You need something to start a conversation. E.g. you are out on the street to buy a book. Maybe you know where the bookstore is, but why not ask the nice girl in front of you anyway?

This does not work in a small suburb.

There are so many stuff you can think up depending on the girl and place, just be creative and dont fear to her a "no".

1) I generally can't think of anything to talk about ever but I was able to hold a conversation with this girl no problem.
2) I'm not afraid just afraid of "No," I'm also more infinitely afraid of "Yes." I've been rejected every single time I've asked a girl out, I'm not so much of afraid of "No" because nothing changes. What the hell happens the one time if a girl ever says "Yes?" I have no clue what to do.

 

[Atramental]

I wish there was some way I could tell if a girl is single or not.

That's just one out of many things that keeps me from asking a girl out.

 

[NeOak]

Nothing will happen with her

Care to say why?

 

[ecurbj]

I wish there was some way I could tell if a girl is single or not.

That's just one out of many things that keeps me from asking a girl out.

Simple, just ask her?

 

[Atramental]

Simple, just ask her?

But there must be some indirect way I could find out...

I don't like doing things that take me out of my comfort zone. And once I'm out of my comfort zone that's when the panic attacks start. I guess I should get a beer or two in me so that I can take some anxiety away from my fragile psyche.

 

[Hypnotoad]

I'm hardly being needy. In the past two weeks I've sent a total of four text messages, three of which were today and were "How'd you like the flowers?" "I didn't know you were back together." "What happened to your interest in me?" I hardly think that's being needy.

It may not be needy, but it comes off as such. A few years ago I send messages to girls like that too, never go anything out of it. At least use a messanger, or better yet, ask directly.

Again, I do not come across women outside the old women in my office.

None at all?

This does not work in a small suburb.

Go to the city center during the weekend.

1) I generally can't think of anything to talk about ever but I was able to hold a conversation with this girl no problem.
2) I'm not afraid just afraid of "No," I'm also more infinitely afraid of "Yes." I've been rejected every single time I've asked a girl out, I'm not so much of afraid of "No" because nothing changes. What the hell happens the one time if a girl ever says "Yes?" I have no clue what to do.

1)What hobbies do you have? Best go to a place where there are people that might share your interests than, that could give you something to talk about.

2) If it should happen, dont consider it a date at all, dont pressure yourself. Im going to have lunch with a girl in half an hour, one of the most beautiful I have met in my life. Seriously hot and nice. I just take it as casually as it can get, actually because I am interested in another girl (as I wrote a few pages back). But even if it wasnt: I am not good at dating at all, so I need to have a clear head, just be myself. At least now im confident, and I dont have to pretend anything. That is, I cannot emphazise it enough, the most important. Natural confidence, not arrogance, will be key, but it takes a while to get there.

 

[Eggo]

Get back to a lot of the guys in this thread after they are 35 or 40 and have some more wear on the tires, and I guarangoddamntee that you won't see so many guys aghast at the mere suggestion of the sentence "I hate women". There will be a lot more nodding and muttering agreement. Or the message board equivalent thereof.

What the hell are you talking about? I'm 37, and I love women. If you hate women, you're not going to be able to maintain a healthy relationship with one, and there are plenty of guys my age or older who have no problem doing just that.

I'm hardly being needy. In the past two weeks I've sent a total of four text messages, three of which were today and were "How'd you like the flowers?" "I didn't know you were back together." "What happened to your interest in me?" I hardly think that's being needy.

Those texts are the epitome of needy. "How'd you like the flowers" sounds like you're trying to guilt trip/manipulate her into feeling she owes you something. "Why don't you like me any more?" reeks of insecurity crying for validation. That sort of thing makes her run screaming the other way. You need to realize when you're making a mistake so you can correct it, and those texts and flowers were a mistake which had the opposite effect of what you intended.

Despite this experience turning bad, I applaud you for 'going for it' and taking action with this girl. You did a lot more than Combine, who despite constant encouragement from GAF never so much as had a conversation with a girl, let alone get to first base. You're making progress, so look for the positives of your situation and fix a few things so your technique improves over time.

That's just one out of many things that keeps me from asking a girl out.

The only thing stopping you from asking a girl out is you. Your head is full of limiting beliefs of why you can't do it, as opposed to positive thoughts of why you should and how you will succeed. Essentially, you need to get out of your own way so you stop cockblocking yourself. Maybe start with being able to maintain eye contact first (you can practice this by walking around a mall), and don't be so scared of success.

 

[~Kinggi~]

Care to say why?

I dont know. Im thinking i need to change shit. I have to say tonight has had an odd effect on me. I was a little tipsy from dinner and decided to go see a movie, so i saw 50/50, which is about a 27 yr old Adam who is dying and is afraid of missing out on all the great things in life. Im a 27 yr old Adam afraid of the same things so i just messaged a bunch of girls on Cupid and am hoping i can follow through on trying to find happiness. I like it when weird shit like this happens. Hopefully i can make something happen here. Otherwise ill be falling into the same old habits.

 

[Atramental]

The only thing stopping you from asking a girl out is you. Your head is full of limiting beliefs of why you can't do it, as opposed to positive thoughts of why you should and how you will succeed. Essentially, you need to get out of your own way so you stop cockblocking yourself. Maybe start with being able to maintain eye contact first (you can practice this by walking around a mall), and don't be so scared of success.

Very well.

I guess I should write out some sort of inner dialogue of positive thoughts that I can repeat in my head. You wouldn't believe how much I put myself down in one day.

 

[boundedseven]

you've already fucked up by sending her multiple messages... text and fb. Sheesh, you're in the red now .

The ball is in her court now , you send ANOTHER message and its game over. Don't come off as a needy dude.

To be fair, I sent a text after dropping her off and then the next day said 'hi' followed by are you hungover on FB chat.

Is that too much?

 

[EXGN]

Where would I possibly run into women? All you college students may run across countless numbers of women on campus but I work a 9-to-5 in an suburban office consisting of mostly really old women. Are you also suggesting that approaching random women wouldn't come off as creepy either?

It really isn't, as long as you are coming off as being a confident individual. Someone posted a Brent video a page or two back and what he said was spot on - if you are talking to people with the intent of getting something out of it and trying to be deceptive of your motives, that is when you come across as creepy. If you're just a confident, fun-loving guy that talks with everyone, then you come across that way.

I think if you gave it a shot, you might be surprised. This is some pickup artist stuff, which can come off as being cheesy, but I mean just listen to the conversation - it shows what you can say and get away with saying without a girl breaking the conversation. Some of you might have seen/listened to these before, but they are pretty interesting.

http://tindeck.com/listen/twgz
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SWuGZTHq7j0#t=0m20s
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dWhZugzMNzM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VAGiQ3AWKqI

And even when it goes bad, you just gotta roll with it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Tri-EunOjE

 

[The Shadow]

Alright. So quick update.

Seeing two girls, not really feeling both. Both really like me. Here's the problem, I now realize why I feel nothing. I denied it was because I still had feelings for my ex and I was right, it's not my ex. Turns out, I'm developing feelings for my roommate.

Fucking hell.

She went out tonight and didn't take her car. Someone dropped her off. I felt a pang of jealousy. Fucking hell.

So guy GAF, how do I get rid of this infatuation? For the longest time she wasn't even an issue because she's a little on the chubby side. She's an Alpha-girl which I normally can't stand. She can be temperamental and moody, which I hate. Why the fuck is this happening now? We lived for 2+ years without incident. She's brought boyfriends over and I didn't care. Why now?

I wish there was some way I could tell if a girl is single or not.

That's just one out of many things that keeps me from asking a girl out.

When I was younger, I would sometimes literally open with, "Hi there. Please tell me you're single." I would say it worked more than 50% of the time. I wouldn't recommend it off the bat because I pretty much used it when I *wasn't* expecting much.

 

[grap3fruitman]

What the hell are you talking about? I'm 37, and I love women. If you hate women, you're not going to be able to maintain a healthy relationship with one, and there are plenty of guys my age or older who have no problem doing just that.

Okay, I don't hate women. I'm just, obviously, really discouraged right now for obvious reasons.

Edit: Not just now but every time I do get discouraged it just compounds to my life-long discouragement. Like I've mentioned earlier in this thread, I've never had a girl not shoot me down and only four girls in my lifetime have shown any interest in me; this one being one of them. I kind of don't have anything positive to work off of because whatever I've ever done has been wrong.

Those texts are the epitome of needy. "How'd you like the flowers" sounds like you're trying to guilt trip/manipulate her into feeling she owes you something.

Per her friend that I still work with, she didn't know they were from me (I only put my initials on the card) and she suggested that I let her know. That's a pretty fair suggestion and she told me herself in her response that she thought they were from the guy she's still, apparently, seeing.

"Why don't you like me any more?" reeks of insecurity crying for validation. That sort of thing makes her run screaming the other way.

I can see that but, at the same time, there were clears signs of interest on more than one occasion and, suddenly, poof! Nothing! Well, what the heck happened? Wouldn't any of you want to know?

You need to realize when you're making a mistake so you can correct it

So what was the mistake I made leading up to this? I sure as heck don't know and I would like to.

those texts and flowers were a mistake which had the opposite effect of what you intended.

Well, apparently, it was already a lost cause so they didn't really affect the situation.

If I send a girl texts/flowers, it's a mistake. If I don't, it's a mistake. I'm fucked either way apparently.

You're making progress

Clearly, I'm not.

so look for the positives of your situation and fix a few things so your technique improves over time.

Care to point them out to me because I have no idea what to make of it.

It may not be needy, but it comes off as such. A few years ago I send messages to girls like that too, never go anything out of it. At least use a messanger, or better yet, ask directly.

Ask her directly? How? She's switched jobs and I would have zero contact with her unless I had sent these texts. Ask a messenger? Are you referring to a person, a third party? I got no impression from her really good friend that I still work with that nothing was wrong but it would be really selfish to put her in this awkward middle-man position and ask her to relay messages back and forth.

None at all?

Zero, zilp, ziltch, nada. I have no occasion where I come across women my age ever.

Go to the city center during the weekend.

And do what? Stand in the middle of Chicago, awkwardly waving at women as they walk by?

1)What hobbies do you have? Best go to a place where there are people that might share your interests than, that could give you something to talk about.

None really. I work, go to the gym and come home and usually dick around on the internet and/or watch TV. That's it. I don't even play games as nearly as I would like any more.

2) If it should happen, dont consider it a date at all, dont pressure yourself.

What? You completely jumped the gun here. I can't even get that point. What happened to the in-between?

Im going to have lunch with a girl in half an hour, one of the most beautiful I have met in my life. Seriously hot and nice. I just take it as casually as it can get, actually because I am interested in another girl (as I wrote a few pages back). But even if it wasnt: I am not good at dating at all, so I need to have a clear head, just be myself. At least now im confident, and I dont have to pretend anything. That is, I cannot emphazise it enough, the most important. Natural confidence, not arrogance, will be key, but it takes a while to get there.

Again, I can't even get to this point. You completely skipped what I wrote and just wrote whatever. I'd like to follow your advice but you're missing key steps.

It really isn't, as long as you are coming off as being a confident individual.

Well I'm pretty sure you're wrong on this one. Approaching a stranger completely is a horribly awkward situation, how someone is supposed come off as not creepy during this exchange, I don't know.

Someone posted a Brent video a page or two back and what he said was spot on - if you are talking to people with the intent of getting something out of it and trying to be deceptive of your motives, that is when you come across as creepy. If you're just a confident, fun-loving guy that talks with everyone, then you come across that way.

I think if you gave it a shot, you might be surprised. This is some pickup artist stuff, which can come off as being cheesy, but I mean just listen to the conversation - it shows what you can say and get away with saying without a girl breaking the conversation. Some of you might have seen/listened to these before, but they are pretty interesting.

http://tindeck.com/listen/twgz
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SWuGZTHq7j0#t=0m20s
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dWhZugzMNzM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VAGiQ3AWKqI

And even when it goes bad, you just gotta roll with it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Tri-EunOjE

"You can't talk to women with the intent of getting anything, so here are some videos of guys talking about how to talk to women with the intent of getting something." WAT
You say one thing but then completely contradict it. How am I supposed to take your advice when it's clearly contradictory?


Thanks for the help earlier in the thread, Gaf, when it was clear that I needed help then. You're great at telling me what I should have done different but you're no where to be found when I'm asking "What should I do now?"

 

[Hypnotoad]

And do what? Stand in the middle of Chicago, awkwardly waving at women as they walk by?


None really. I work, go to the gym and come home and usually dick around on the internet and/or watch TV. That's it. I don't even play games as nearly as I would like any more.


What? You completely jumped the gun here. I can't even get that point. What happened to the in-between?

OK, back to the part about how to meet girls. I would say it is really important to do something you like AND meet girls at the same time. Thats really the best way, and the "going to the bookstore" was just an example. You live near Chicago? Thats a big city, so there should be dozens of activities to do. Just try something new. Another example: a few month back I went with a friend to a skating park. I had never skated before, but I thought whatever, lets give it a try. It was a hard beginning, but I actually like it now, though I still suck pretty much. But you know whats great? Many nice girls in the skate part, most of them beginners too. What better way to talk with them then to share your feelings about how it is so hard to start skating. Just like this, you can talk about something.

I guess you are overthinking and second-guessing your actions alot. Well, that happens to everyone at times. It was really bad for me a few years back. But you know what? Girls are just the same. They are insecure about their apperance foremost, even if they dont say it. I dont know if there is a difference in mentality to America, but it shouldnt be fundamentally different to Europe or China.

Another thing: Many girls have a really bad attitude, and high standards. But they are not the majority, and you should be able to spot them, its like an instinct. And again, men are not different, sometime I shake my had at some people for aiming to high. But I do think that almost everybody can find a nice partner.

 

[Hypnotoad]

Anyway, meeting the girl went ok, not great, just didnt spend my energy on her. Which kind of sucks, because she is talkative and hot, but since I am visiting the girl I am into next Monday in her hometown, I dont really wanna get sidetracked.

 

[soundahfekz]

Okay, I don't hate women. I'm just, obviously, really discouraged right now for obvious reasons.

Edit: Not just now but every time I do get discouraged it just compounds to my life-long discouragement. Like I've mentioned earlier in this thread, I've never had a girl not shoot me down and only four girls in my lifetime have shown any interest in me; this one being one of them. I kind of don't have anything positive to work off of because whatever I've ever done has been wrong.


Per her friend that I still work with, she didn't know they were from me (I only put my initials on the card) and she suggested that I let her know. That's a pretty fair suggestion and she told me herself in her response that she thought they were from the guy she's still, apparently, seeing.


I can see that but, at the same time, there were clears signs of interest on more than one occasion and, suddenly, poof! Nothing! Well, what the heck happened? Wouldn't any of you want to know?


So what was the mistake I made leading up to this? I sure as heck don't know and I would like to.


Well, apparently, it was already a lost cause so they didn't really affect the situation.

If I send a girl texts/flowers, it's a mistake. If I don't, it's a mistake. I'm fucked either way apparently.


Clearly, I'm not.


Care to point them out to me because I have no idea what to make of it.


Ask her directly? How? She's switched jobs and I would have zero contact with her unless I had sent these texts. Ask a messenger? Are you referring to a person, a third party? I got no impression from her really good friend that I still work with that nothing was wrong but it would be really selfish to put her in this awkward middle-man position and ask her to relay messages back and forth.


Zero, zilp, ziltch, nada. I have no occasion where I come across women my age ever.


And do what? Stand in the middle of Chicago, awkwardly waving at women as they walk by?


None really. I work, go to the gym and come home and usually dick around on the internet and/or watch TV. That's it. I don't even play games as nearly as I would like any more.


What? You completely jumped the gun here. I can't even get that point. What happened to the in-between?


Again, I can't even get to this point. You completely skipped what I wrote and just wrote whatever. I'd like to follow your advice but you're missing key steps.


Well I'm pretty sure you're wrong on this one. Approaching a stranger completely is a horribly awkward situation, how someone is supposed come off as not creepy during this exchange, I don't know.


"You can't talk to women with the intent of getting anything, so here are some videos of guys talking about how to talk to women with the intent of getting something." WAT
You say one thing but then completely contradict it. How am I supposed to take your advice when it's clearly contradictory?


Thanks for the help earlier in the thread, Gaf, when it was clear that I needed help then. You're great at telling me what I should have done different but you're no where to be found when I'm asking "What should I do now?"

You're acting like a fucking douche to people providing you sound advice, then you wonder why you can't get girls? Maybe beneath all the "kind" actions you display, there's a cynical selflish guy who never learned to control aspects of the world he lives in. I don't know where I got that impression though.

No one here gets paid to do this shit, so if you're gonna act like an ass and be standoffish, why waste people's time. Your development starts with you. You have to be willing to learn about yourself and what you're doing wrong to get anywhere. We cant be there to hold your hand or via live stream so of course everything will be in retrospect. Don't be the guy who comes in here to to vent that his archaic methods of interaction don't work and only wants to berate people upon failure. Be the guy who not wants to, but is GOING TO change.

 

[EXGN]

Well I'm pretty sure you're wrong on this one. Approaching a stranger completely is a horribly awkward situation, how someone is supposed come off as not creepy during this exchange, I don't know.

By not feeling awkward and being confident. Have you seriously never talked to someone you didn't know before? When you ask someone for directions, do you get nervous or awkward? When you ask someone if they have the time, do you get nervous or awkward?

I get that it can be daunting and intimidating to talk to a stranger, but the creepy part boils down to the people involved in the conversation. If you aren't comfortable talking to strangers, then you'll come off as creepy or weird, if you are then you won't.

I'm not saying if you talk to every woman you walk by you'll end up on a date with them if you open your flap, but I mean, humans are social creatures, we like to talk.

"You can't talk to women with the intent of getting anything, so here are some videos of guys talking about how to talk to women with the intent of getting something." WAT
You say one thing but then completely contradict it. How am I supposed to take your advice when it's clearly contradictory?

Alright, I'll give you that I didn't really convey what I was thinking in my head, so that's my bad. I guess the point is that in those videos, it was clear (for the most part) that they guy was interested in the woman on a sexual level. There was little hiding of intention and lots of confidence.

Will being transparent and confident work all the time? No. But you'll find that most people aren't the cold, anti-social beings you seem to think they are.

Thanks for the help earlier in the thread, Gaf, when it was clear that I needed help then. You're great at telling me what I should have done different but you're no where to be found when I'm asking "What should I do now?"

No need to get so hostile. To be honest, you don't seem like you would have taken any advice anyways. Someone suggests talking to random women, you make up an excuse that you don't see any. Someone suggests you go talk to women on the street, you say that doesn't happen in your suburb, someone says go to a city or join clubs where you could meet women, you say its awkward to talk to people.

I get that you're upset that it didn't work out with this one girl, we've all been there. But you need to stop beating up on yourself - she had a boyfriend, the odds were against you in the first place. She may have liked you a lot, but the situation just didn't pan out.

There are other women out there, but you need to put yourself out there as well. Shit isn't gonna drop into your lap if all you do is work>gym>internet/TV. You need to try to change things you're unhappy with and stop making excuses.

 

[grap3fruitman]

By not feeling awkward and being confident. Have you seriously never talked to someone you didn't know before?

No, not really.

When you ask someone for directions, do you get nervous or awkward? When you ask someone if they have the time, do you get nervous or awkward?

Yes, horribly.

I get that it can be daunting and intimidating to talk to a stranger, but the creepy part boils down to the people involved in the conversation. If you aren't comfortable talking to strangers, then you'll come off as creepy or weird, if you are then you won't.

Well I've established that I'm not comfortable talking to strangers so I guess I'm f'ed, right? Haha, crap...

Will being transparent and confident work all the time? No. But you'll find that most people aren't the cold, anti-social beings you seem to think they are.

I don't think that at all. I mean, I am, but I can't seem to get out of that.

No need to get so hostile.

Sorry, I am a bit upset though. I don't have women show any interest me ever, I can name four in my lifetime that have. This girl being one of them and so I'm kind of upset that I lost one of those few chances since they're so rare. It would be a different case if it wasn't such a rarity for me.

To be honest, you don't seem like you would have taken any advice anyways.

Now I don't think that's a fair assumption at all. I honestly didn't want to fuck this up so I did and try to reach out one two occasions (one and two) and got no response either time. When I go it alone though and manage to mess up, everyone's there to criticize me for what I did wrong.

Someone suggests talking to random women, you make up an excuse that you don't see any.

I don't make that up. There's one girl in my age group at my office and she's got a boyfriend and kid. Everyone else is in the 40+ range (not to mention not single).

Someone suggests you go talk to women on the street, you say that doesn't happen in your suburb

You've clearly never lived in a suburb before but no one walks the streets here. Everyone drives everywhere. It would be a different scenario if I lived in a more populated area in the city. A few months back I had to spend a few days in the city for one reason or another and I would step away from where I was to grab a bite and I'm in the Belmont/Clark area and I'm just shocked at the number of people walking up and down the street. Not just the people but the fact that there were so many young people my age and tons of cute girls. I wouldn't even know where to begin to start talking to one of them though.

someone says go to a city or join clubs where you could meet women, you say its awkward to talk to people.

I didn't say that as a response to those points but it is awkward to talk to people. Based on my posts, you can tell that I have very little experience in social interaction and I don't know where to begin. This is all stuff I should have started learning twelve years ago in junior high but, even though I was shy and awkward then, I used my computer as a crutch for social interaction instead. Now it's just not cutting it and I'm stuck. In regards to the city remark, I asked for specifics. I have no idea what I would do if I went. I can't even go to bars around here because I can't drink since I have to drive. The heck is a club that you join?

I get that you're upset that it didn't work out with this one girl, we've all been there. But you need to stop beating up on yourself - she had a boyfriend, the odds were against you in the first place. She may have liked you a lot, but the situation just didn't pan out.

Agreed, you've all been there but you've all also had way more opportunities than me. It's so rare that I have a chance (again, I'm 0 for 4) and I've never been successful.

There are other women out there, but you need to put yourself out there as well.

I don't have any idea how or where to begin. All the suggestions are great for guys in college living on campus or areas with large young populations but don't really work in my situation.

Shit isn't gonna drop into your lap if all you do is work>gym>internet/TV. You need to try to change things you're unhappy with and stop making excuses.

Okay, well the thing I'm unhappy with is my inability to do well with women. How do I change that? =P

You're acting like a fucking douche to people providing you sound advice, then you wonder why you can't get girls? Maybe beneath all the "kind" actions you display, there's a cynical selflish guy who never learned to control aspects of the world he lives in. I don't know where I got that impression though.

Please show me the advice I got. When I asked for advice I didn't get any, when I complained that shit went south I got criticized for two pages. And you're shocked that I'm upset?

 

[Bucket-o-roadkill]

I feel kind of sorry for grap3fruitman, the dude went with these flowers.. Spent a lot of cash on a nice gesture to try and win over the girl he likes and hes getting some pretty harsh comments lol. If I spent 60 on flowers for a girl I adored and it wasn't even acknowledged I'd be pretty down about it aswell. The last thing he needs is people saying 'omfg thats needy, youre just trying to get in her pants by buying that, etc'! Haha, so harsh! We've all been there, at a cross roads with a girl where you try something to get things moving. In this case it didn't work out. Dont buy this bollocks of 'oh you fucked up getting her flowers, dick move, never do that'. Yeah, obviously with this girl it didn't work... but thats easy to say after the reaction that happened AFTER you fucking gave them to her!

grap3fruitman, later on down the line you may meet another girl you like, and if you get her those flowers she would see it as a lovely gesture and appreciate it. Its a cruel world bud.

 

[Xun]

A girl went up to my friend in the pub last night. I didn't speak to her but my friend made the mistake of buying her a drink.

I told him how it was going to bite him in the arse, and low and behold she ignored him not long after that.

I'm not confident enough yet, but even I know you should never buy a girl a drink thanks to this thread.

She said "I'll just have what you two are having", and my friend very quickly ordered her a drink along with his.

If that was me I would've said "Ah right, you paying for us then? "

Not sure if that's the best way to go around it (?), but if I were confident enough and wound up in a situation like that I would've said it.

 

[HighAmperage]

What the hell are you talking about? I'm 37, and I love women. If you hate women, you're not going to be able to maintain a healthy relationship with one, and there are plenty of guys my age or older who have no problem doing just that.

Of course I'm exaggerating and don't mean literal hate. Just saying there's a lot more cynicism at this age for a lot of guys, and often there are pretty valid reasons for it.

 

[Spacebar]

So I had a hard time sleeping last night and went to pop in my netflix movie. I wasn't sure what movie it was until I opened the package and it was 500 Days of Summer. I thought to myself "Okay cool I could watch romantic comedy right now". About half way through the movie I figured out it was a horror movie. lol

There was one scene I really liked and I think it might help some of you. The dude was going to a party and they had 2 shots of him walking to the party at the same time. One shot was him in reality and one was his expectations. The expectation shot was slightly ahead of schedule and it showed him getting all the affection he wanted from the girl. Then the reality shot of him wasn't matching up with his expectations. This goes to show you that you can't go into situations expecting a girl to react a certain way just because you have done nice things for them.

I did like the ending though so I would recommend this movie to you guys for entertainment and to teach you a few things.

To the guy who bought a girl 60$ flowers and didn't get anything in return you can't set expectations to a girl because you did something nice for her. You should want to give just because you want to give. I would never send a girl flowers unless we have been dating a good while and built up a good relationship.

Good luck this weekend to everyone who has dates. If you don't then try and get one!

 

[Danj]

So I had a hard time sleeping last night and went to pop in my netflix movie. I wasn't sure what movie it was until I opened the package and it was 500 Days of Summer. I thought to myself "Okay cool I could watch romantic comedy right now". About half way through the movie I figured out it was a horror movie. lol

Uhhh.. what? I know it's been a while since I last saw it but I'm pretty sure 500 Days of Summer isn't a horror movie, did they send you the wrong disc in the wrong slipcase or something? Also I'm a sucker for Zooey Deschanel. Loving her new TV show "New Girl".

 

[Spacebar]

Uhhh.. what? I know it's been a while since I last saw it but I'm pretty sure 500 Days of Summer isn't a horror movie, did they send you the wrong disc in the wrong slipcase or something? Also I'm a sucker for Zooey Deschanel. Loving her new TV show "New Girl".

I was being sarcastic. I was speaking in the context of girl age

Spoiler

where the dude was basically in love with the girl day 1 and all the girl ever wanted was to be friends with him. That guy went through a lot of emotions I imagine some other guys in this thread have gone through or are going through right now.

 

[Bucket-o-roadkill]

Uhhh.. what? I know it's been a while since I last saw it but I'm pretty sure 500 Days of Summer isn't a horror movie, did they send you the wrong disc in the wrong slipcase or something? Also I'm a sucker for Zooey Deschanel. Loving her new TV show "New Girl".

I was being sarcastic. I was speaking in the context of girl age

Spoiler

where the dude was basically in love with the girl day 1 and all the girl ever wanted was to be friends with him. That guy went through a lot of emotions I imagine some other guys in this thread have gone through or are going through right now.

Nope, Spacebar's right. After reading that it definitely sounds like a horror to me lol

 

[Orgen]

grap3fruitman, as you've been told don't be a douche or ungrateful with GAF. We are trying to help you so there's no need to be so bitter and cynical.

After reading your posts it seems your biggest problem is interacting with women, right? I don't care if you are/live/work in a suburb you can always go to Chicago on weekends, have fun and meet people. Got to a bar/club for example. You can't drink because you have to drive later? Take a cab. For every excuse you coud give me I can give you a reason that invalidates it.

I'm from Spain and I was in Chicago last week. There's a street there (Division IIRC) that is plenty of bars/clubs. Despite being interested in another girl and my low English level I got plenty of conversation with women there. In one club there's a "speaker/announcer" (cute girl with a microphone) who approached and talked to me because I didn't dance the last two songs. From here we talked about why I didn't dance, what songs I like and listen in my free time, if she could announce my name (and what could give me she in exchange)... and there you go. And I'm no Brad Pitt or George Clooney, believe me.

If nobody approaches you then you have to make the move. Another example, I was drinking Absolut but then I realise that half the bar is drinking something blue. Then I asked two girls what was that drink: "Blue Motherfucker" (I think they said), and What does it have? I asked... blablabla. It's easy!

Now, if you can't keep eye contact with women, mumble every time you try to open your mouth and sweat all over the place... I don't know what to say. Maybe you could see an specialist? If not and you have the courage to change things, take baby steps. Ask for the time, a direction... until it doesn't make you uncomfortable talking to strangers.

From there we'll keep giving you advice. Hope it helps!

 

[grap3fruitman]

Got to a bar/club for example. You can't drink because you have to drive later? Take a cab.

Take a cab 30 miles? I think it might be cheaper to just get a hotel room in downtown Chicago.

 

[Ninja_Hawk]

A girl went up to my friend in the pub last night. I didn't speak to her but my friend made the mistake of buying her a drink.

I told him how it was going to bite him in the arse, and low and behold she ignored him not long after that.

I'm not confident enough yet, but even I know you should never buy a girl a drink thanks to this thread.

She said "I'll just have what you two are having", and my friend very quickly ordered her a drink along with his.

If that was me I would've said "Ah right, you paying for us then? "

Not sure if that's the best way to go around it (?), but if I were confident enough and wound up in a situation like that I would've said it.

That's fine lol, I usually look at them and then look around and go...."who ARE you?" Buying girls drinks/entrance to clubs bwhahahhahahahahahahahahahaha. Never.

 

[MrOogieBoogie]

Dated this girl for four years. Madly in love with each other. Talked about marriage and all that good stuff. Had a big argument over a year ago and she moved. Seeing her today for coffee. Would it be a cute little gesture if I surprised her with some roses at her door? I really wanna make it work again, but I thought the roses might be a nice, "Hey, long time no see" touch. Thoughts?

 

[Orgen]

Take a cab 30 miles? I think it might be cheaper to just get a hotel room in downtown Chicago.

Yep, you could try Chinatown Hotel they are very friendly

Anyway you can always go to a club and not drink. or going with a friend and take turns driving/drinking. Or stay the night at any friend's home. Stop being so pessimistic and search for alternatives.

(And I hope that this point won't be an excuse to ignore my entire post).

Dated this girl for four years. Madly in love with each other. Talked about marriage and all that good stuff. Had a big argument over a year ago and she moved. Seeing her today for coffee. Would it be a cute little gesture if I surprised her with some roses at her door? I really wanna make it work again, but I thought the roses might be a nice, "Hey, long time no see" touch. Thoughts?

See what happened to grap3fruitman with the flowers... j/k

Do you know her situation? (if she is single, has a boyfriend...) I don't believe in second chances (you broke for a reason and it'll be always there) and the roses could be a little excessive. If you want to have a nice touch with her I'll try another thing like seeing her in a place she likes or paying for her coffee.

Anyway I think it's not a good idea to try making it work again but good luck!

 

[Ninja_Hawk]

Dated this girl for four years. Madly in love with each other. Talked about marriage and all that good stuff. Had a big argument over a year ago and she moved. Seeing her today for coffee. Would it be a cute little gesture if I surprised her with some roses at her door? I really wanna make it work again, but I thought the roses might be a nice, "Hey, long time no see" touch. Thoughts?

I see that more of a "I still love you, lets get back together" sort of thing, which isn't necessarily bad, but there is always a chance that's not what she's looking for yet, or this soon. I say, talk, if/when you get on the subject of your relationship and things go positively in that direction, then surprise her with roses.

 

[grap3fruitman]

Anyway you can always go to a club and not drink. or going with a friend and take turns driving/drinking. Or stay the night at any friend's home. Stop being so pessimistic and search for alternatives.

If I go and don't drink, I'll be as nervous and thus creepy as everyone's making me out to be. I'll put off more women than anything without a little liquid courage. If you guys think I'm bad interacting with women, what makes you think I'm fine with guys too? I have zero friends with whom to go out with or share the responsibility of the designated driver with or crash at.

(And I hope that this point won't be an excuse to ignore my entire post).

I didn't ignore the rest of the post but it was just a story of how well you did when going out in a foreign country one night.

See what happened to grap3fruitman with the flowers... j/k

...

 

[Orgen]

If I go and don't drink, I'll be as nervous and thus creepy as everyone's making me out to be. I'll put off more women than anything without a little liquid courage. If you guys think I'm bad interacting with women, what makes you think I'm fine with guys too? I have zero friends with whom to go out with or share the responsibility of the designated driver with or crash at.


I didn't ignore the rest of the post but it was just a story of how well you did when going out in a foreign country one night.


...

Sense of humour grap3fruitman don't "..." me come on!

Sooo let me get this straight. Are you incapable of asking "What time is it?" to some guy in the street? If the answer is "yes", why? And could you ask it if you drink a shot before?

Sorry for being so blunt but I'm trying to understand your situation.

 

[reilo]

Good grief.

 

[Kenichi]

If I go and don't drink, I'll be as nervous and thus creepy as everyone's making me out to be. I'll put off more women than anything without a little liquid courage. If you guys think I'm bad interacting with women, what makes you think I'm fine with guys too? I have zero friends with whom to go out with or share the responsibility of the designated driver with or crash at.


I didn't ignore the rest of the post but it was just a story of how well you did when going out in a foreign country one night.


...

Hmmm..I haven't read this whole thread (obviously), but I am curious about your predicament. Have you tried on-line dating sites like okcupid? Even if you have problems approaching people on the street, it seems like you have no problem talking to randoms on a forum through text messages. Sites like okcupid can give you an opportunity to build a rapport with someone before meeting them, and it's also relatively stress-free/cheap! (I promise I am not an okcupid shill...mostly)

 

[soundahfekz]

If I go and don't drink, I'll be as nervous and thus creepy as everyone's making me out to be. I'll put off more women than anything without a little liquid courage. If you guys think I'm bad interacting with women, what makes you think I'm fine with guys too? I have zero friends with whom to go out with or share the responsibility of the designated driver with or crash at.


I didn't ignore the rest of the post but it was just a story of how well you did when going out in a foreign country one night.


...

Your problem is that you are extremely analytical to the point you break down every mental process that is meant to operate autonomously. Until you LITERALLY STOP making a concerted effort to extract minimal information from advice and anecdotal testimony meant to provide you with insight and encouragement, you aren't going to move forward.

The last thing you need to worry about is approaching a woman. You have a lot more that needs to be worked on before you can properly maintain a relationship should you have the opportunity.

I used to have extremely low self esteem and analyze every facet of talking to a woman, or anyone for that matter. This was all through high school and a couple years after. Back then I was probably 220 lbs at most. Currently, I'm 27, 6'0, and 261 lbs (lost 16 the last month and counting!) and I pull way more women then I did when I was much slimmer and less confident. My last two girlfriends were attractive (and fit!) by societal standards. My summer as a single man was a headache, in the aspect that it was difficult to keep track of the women who were interested.

I learned that life wasn't about a woman's acceptance of me, but acceptance of me to myself. You know how martial arts employs a lot of philosophy and non physical training that doesn't seem to pertain to the art of kicking someone's ass? That's how it is when looking to become an ideal candidate to women. You build up your character brick by brick, learn your personality, utilize it, and strengthen it. Through developing better social skills, making sure your clothing game is on point, grooming, and practicing being cordial with EVERYONE, you begin to see the correlation between maintaining a better lifestyle and attracting the women you desire.

What you're expecting to do is learn how to play basketball while only learning how to shots from the three point line, when there's so much to learn like defense, anticipation, plays and so much more. You have to shed the hostility and helplessness and build a sturdy foundation that will last a lifetime.

 

[EXGN]

Okay, well the thing I'm unhappy with is my inability to do well with women. How do I change that? =P

By going out and practicing. Like any other skill, being a good conversationalist comes from practice. Remember riding your bike for the first time - you were shaky, you probably fell off, etc. You were an awkward bike rider, but the more you practiced the better at it you got. Talking to people is the same way.

You need to practice. Start by everyday just making eye contact with everyone you walk by. Then maybe say 'hi,' and then once you get comfortable with that, just keep pushing the conversation - ask for the time, or just say "how about that weather?" or something stupid and noncommittal. Talk to clerks at the grocery store or the 40 year old women in your office that you don't know. JUST START TALKING.

And when it comes to meeting women, it's a numbers game. You're going to fail a lot approaching random girls, but that's just the nature of it. Think of it like baseball - a good player could strike out seven times out of 10, but if he hits three of those he's generally considered a good batter.

Finally, in regards to opportunity - you have to make things happen for yourself. I live in small town and if I'm looking to meet people, I'll drive 20 minutes to a slightly bigger town where they have like three or four bars on a strip. Or I'll drive an hour into Boston.

Being in a suburb is no excuse, and if you don't like it, fucking MOVE. You're obviously old enough to have a job, so you should have some ability to move elsewhere - you might just have to drive a bit longer to go to work.

 

[Bucket-o-roadkill]

You need to practice. Start by everyday just making eye contact with everyone you walk by. Then maybe say 'hi,' and then once you get comfortable with that, just keep pushing the conversation - ask for the time, or just say "how about that weather?" or something stupid and noncommittal. Talk to clerks at the grocery store or the 40 year old women in your office that you don't know. JUST START TALKING.

Dunno.. It may help him but I've had wayyy too much practice of talking and getting comfortable speaking with all types of people (including women of course) by working as a cashier at a busy supermarket for 5 years. before that I had a paper round. I've always found it stupidly easy to strike up conversations, talk about anything and everything, keep things going, make people laugh even if I've never met them before.... And no matter how much thats helped me with women, here I am: single at 27. I'm not fat, over 6ft, but hardly brad pit in the looks department. I feel thats my problem, look like shit like I'm ill or something lol, no matter what clothes I buy, what look I go for, I am what I am.. Which is a lanky 6ft dude. Some things you cannot change.

Its definitely a good idea to work at that if you're shit at it, but just a word of warning, its not the be all and end all. It may NOT get you any woman you lay your eyes on.

 

[grap3fruitman]

Sense of humour grap3fruitman don't "..." me come on!

Yeah, haha, still a low blow. =P

Sooo let me get this straight. Are you incapable of asking "What time is it?" to some guy in the street? If the answer is "yes", why? And could you ask it if you drink a shot before?

Well time is a bad example but let's say asking for directions. Yes, I would rather wander around somewhere lost than ask someone for directions because I'm afraid to talk to them. With a drink? Maybe? I do agree that a lot of this is mental like many people here are suggesting and drinking sort of breaks down those walls and inhibitions that I build up in my head. Not completely though. I still don't do well with women but I am a little more out-going when I drink.

Hmmm..I haven't read this whole thread (obviously), but I am curious about your predicament. Have you tried on-line dating sites like okcupid? Even if you have problems approaching people on the street, it seems like you have no problem talking to randoms on a forum through text messages. Sites like okcupid can give you an opportunity to build a rapport with someone before meeting them, and it's also relatively stress-free/cheap! (I promise I am not an okcupid shill...mostly)

Signed up on there in November and had zero luck with it. Signed up on PoF lately too and that's not working out either. =\

By going out and practicing. Like any other skill, being a good conversationalist comes from practice.

I'm a little confused. Could you clarify? I'm supposed to do well with women by going out and practicing doing well with women?

Remember riding your bike for the first time - you were shaky, you probably fell off, etc. You were an awkward bike rider, but the more you practiced the better at it you got. Talking to people is the same way.

I disagree and I think this is a horrible analogy. Riding a bike is nothing like talking to a person. Riding a bike is such a simple concept, dealing with people is so horribly complicated because people are complicated. Let's go back to your analogy for sec: if you kept falling off your bike and never managed to ride it once, what would you do?

You need to practice. Start by everyday just making eye contact with everyone you walk by. Then maybe say 'hi,' and then once you get comfortable with that, just keep pushing the conversation - ask for the time, or just say "how about that weather?" or something stupid and noncommittal. Talk to clerks at the grocery store or the 40 year old women in your office that you don't know. JUST START TALKING.

I generally don't see people I don't know and I talk to people in my office all the time. I don't really have a problem talking to people once I get to know them a bit. Last night I also applied for another job somewhere else, hopefully I'll get it and it'll force me to be in a new environment with new people and, hopefully, some women in my age group.

And when it comes to meeting women, it's a numbers game. You're going to fail a lot approaching random girls, but that's just the nature of it. Think of it like baseball - a good player could strike out seven times out of 10, but if he hits three of those he's generally considered a good batter.

I'm an anti-social nerd complaining on a video game forum about his girl problems. Sports analogies are probably the worst way to get points across to me. =P

But regarding that analogy: if that batter has never hit a ball, he's probably fucked, right? What's he supposed to do?

I used to have extremely low self esteem and analyze every facet of talking to a woman, or anyone for that matter. This was all through high school and a couple years after. Back then I was probably 220 lbs at most. Currently, I'm 27, 6'0, and 261 lbs (lost 16 the last month and counting!) and I pull way more women then I did when I was much slimmer and less confident. My last two girlfriends were attractive (and fit!) by societal standards. My summer as a single man was a headache, in the aspect that it was difficult to keep track of the women who were interested.

See, I have nothing to offer women though. Mentally or physically. I've been trying to work on the latter for the last 2.5 years (without much luck) by going to the gym but I'm not quite sure how to work on the first item.

Good grief.

Fuck you.

 

[Bucket-o-roadkill]

Signed up on there in November and had zero luck with it. Signed up on PoF lately too and that's not working out either. =\

I've spoken to a few girls on these sites and ended up meeting a few of them.. Its a double edged sword for sure. Don't get me wrong, its a great and easy way of finding attractive women with similiar interests in a low pressure environment. The problem is its also a great and easy way of them finding other attractive guys with similiar interests too. Every single girl I've got chatting to girls on these sites have just come and gone as quick as a flash.

 

[~Kinggi~]

I've spoken to a few girls on these sites and ended up meeting a few of them.. Its a double edged sword for sure. Don't get me wrong, its a great and easy way of finding attractive women with similiar interests in a low pressure environment. The problem is its also a great and easy way of them finding other attractive guys with similiar interests too. Every single girl I've got chatting to girls on these sites have just come and gone as quick as a flash.

I think girls get addicted to the dating game on these sites. The idea of always finding someone better. I see girls constantly change their relationship status and even when they are seeing someone they appear online every day.

 

[Kad5]

The best advice I can probably personally give this thread in regards to happiness (this includes getting girls to an extent) is this:

Happiness comes to you if you don't look for it.

If you apply this to getting girls. Don't be so set on going out and getting laid. If it happens it happens. Just focus on acting natural and having fun and in the process you'll hopefully meet up with a girl who's interested in you. Naturally you need to talk to her of course though. She may start the conversation (which is a HUGE plus) or you may need to. But it's easiest in this society to just let girls come to you. That way you can easily gauge if she is interested in you.

And flirting is important. Once you initiate contact with a girl you are potentially interested flirt to your hearts content. Tease a little and be interesting. Girls don't like a boring guy. You have to be interesting to them physically and mentally.

But here is the catch. You can't do these things in order to purely get women. You have to be like this NATURALLY.

Make it to a point where you don't simply act like you are "the shit". You have to actually BE "the shit". And some of you guys may be all down on yourselves now thinking that won't happen but I promise I was in a similar position in the past and i've improved a lot on myself.

You guys can do it too.

Edit: Also it REALLY helps if you smile and look happy. If you aren't actually genuinely happy then at least smile when it's appropriate. You need to look approachable. Also, smiling makes you look more attractive.

 

[Littleberu]

I have a quick question : I'm not single, but I've always been curious about something. Say you meet a cute girl in a coffee shop. You say "Hi!" and all that kind of thing, but how do you end up with her number?

Most of the time, she'll be with someone else or in a hurry. Is it possible, or you just wait until you see her again?

Just something I never understood about meeting someone in a library or coffee shop... it seems too quick? In a bar, it makes sense because of the alcohol, or with friends of friends, because of the likelihood you'll see them again. I know these guys made videos and just straight up asked for the girl's number, but say you're not in a "make a Youtube video" mood, and just think this girl is pretty and looks interesting, how do you do it?

 

[Bucket-o-roadkill]

I think girls get addicted to the dating game on these sites. The idea of always finding someone better. I see girls constantly change their relationship status and even when they are seeing someone they appear online every day.

Do you know what, I think you're onto something there. I've met girls (for DATES) who have their phones going crazy with texts and stuff and they're always saying how its guys who are bugging them, or wont leave them alone, etc etc. Probably got loads lined up from these sites... Like I said its definitely a double edged sword. The type of girls who get addicted to doing this must absolutely love the attention. Not good for guys trying to get somewhere with a nice girl, when you're just 1 of 5 dates this week to her.

I have a quick question : I'm not single, but I've always been curious about something. Say you meet a cute girl in a coffee shop. You say "Hi!" and all that kind of thing, but how do you end up with her number?

Most of the time, she'll be with someone else or in a hurry. Is it possible, or you just wait until you see her again?

Just something I never understood about meeting someone in a library or coffee shop... it seems too quick? In a bar, it makes sense because of the alcohol, or with friends of friends, because of the likelihood you'll see them again. I know these guys made videos and just straight up asked for the girl's number, but say you're not in a "make a Youtube video" mood, and just think this girl is pretty and looks interesting, how do you do it?

Depends how desperate the girl is!!? Haha.. Real answer: I have no freaking idea, wish I knew. Being Brad Pitt probably helps.

 

[Yami]

I have a quick question : I'm not single, but I've always been curious about something. Say you meet a cute girl in a coffee shop. You say "Hi!" and all that kind of thing, but how do you end up with her number?

Most of the time, she'll be with someone else or in a hurry. Is it possible, or you just wait until you see her again?

Just something I never understood about meeting someone in a library or coffee shop... it seems too quick? In a bar, it makes sense because of the alcohol, or with friends of friends, because of the likelihood you'll see them again. I know these guys made videos and just straight up asked for the girl's number, but say you're not in a "make a Youtube video" mood, and just think this girl is pretty and looks interesting, how do you do it?

Strike up a conversation, and if it goes well, ask her that you'd like to chat to her some more some other time, or meet again, and ask for her name and number. then fake you have to go cuz of some meeting or what not, and text her over the next couple days. ez.

 

[Attackthebase]

The best advice I can probably personally give this thread in regards to happiness (this includes getting girls to an extent) is this:

Happiness comes to you if you don't look for it.

If you apply this to getting girls. Don't be so set on going out and getting laid. If it happens it happens. Just focus on acting natural and having fun and in the process you'll hopefully meet up with a girl who's interested in you. Naturally you need to talk to her of course though. She may start the conversation (which is a HUGE plus) or you may need to. But it's easiest in this society to just let girls come to you. That way you can easily gauge if she is interested in you.

And flirting is important. Once you initiate contact with a girl you are potentially interested flirt to your hearts content. Tease a little and be interesting. Girls don't like a boring guy. You have to be interesting to them physically and mentally.

But here is the catch. You can't do these things in order to purely get women. You have to be like this NATURALLY.

Make it to a point where you don't simply act like you are "the shit". You have to actually BE "the shit". And some of you guys may be all down on yourselves now thinking that won't happen but I promise I was in a similar position in the past and i've improved a lot on myself.

You guys can do it too.

Edit: Also it REALLY helps if you smile and look happy. If you aren't actually genuinely happy then at least smile when it's appropriate. You need to look approachable. Also, smiling makes you look more attractive.

This is too rational and logical. Get out of this thread before someone takes this piece of advice and better their life. As seen by one poster in particular, this is a pity party, your helpful advice will be criticized, and spat upon, especially by this one poster who is part fruit and part man.

 

[grap3fruitman]

This is too rational and logical. Get out of this thread before someone takes this piece of advice and better their life. As seen by one poster in particular, this is a pity party, your helpful advice will be criticized, and spat upon, especially by this one poster who is part fruit and part man.

Haha, good one. The problem is that it isn't good advice. Clearly, I haven't been looking for happiness and it still hasn't found me so there you go. =P

Well, to be fair, it sort of did, this girl showed interest in me but then it fell apart and now I'm all mopey-dopey.

 

[lawlohwhat]

Okay, I don't hate women. I'm just, obviously, really discouraged right now for obvious reasons.

Edit: Not just now but every time I do get discouraged it just compounds to my life-long discouragement. Like I've mentioned earlier in this thread, I've never had a girl not shoot me down and only four girls in my lifetime have shown any interest in me; this one being one of them. I kind of don't have anything positive to work off of because whatever I've ever done has been wrong.

It's not wrong to act on your interests. You aren't going out murdering people or anything. Your approach has been ineffective so far, but that also means that the conditions that surround your social life are not necessarily fixed. Women are only a slice of your life, and when you start attempting to form a more complete idea of where you are and where you want to be, they will naturally fall into place as a healthfully compartmentalized piece of the pie. That's why whenever these discussions come up in this thread I feel that the girl-age title is deceptive.

Per her friend that I still work with, she didn't know they were from me (I only put my initials on the card) and she suggested that I let her know. That's a pretty fair suggestion and she told me herself in her response that she thought they were from the guy she's still, apparently, seeing.


I can see that but, at the same time, there were clears signs of interest on more than one occasion and, suddenly, poof! Nothing! Well, what the heck happened? Wouldn't any of you want to know?

I wouldn't. It is self-evident that she's emotionally unstable or that her head is somewhere else. There are much more important things to spend your time on than her.

So what was the mistake I made leading up to this? I sure as heck don't know and I would like to.


Well, apparently, it was already a lost cause so they didn't really affect the situation.

If I send a girl texts/flowers, it's a mistake. If I don't, it's a mistake. I'm fucked either way apparently.


Clearly, I'm not.

Progress and growth are only achieved in difficult situations. The piling on that you're getting here, your failure with this particular girl, and the lessons that you will interpret therefrom are progressive by their nature.

Care to point them out to me because I have no idea what to make of it.


Ask her directly? How? She's switched jobs and I would have zero contact with her unless I had sent these texts. Ask a messenger? Are you referring to a person, a third party? I got no impression from her really good friend that I still work with that nothing was wrong but it would be really selfish to put her in this awkward middle-man position and ask her to relay messages back and forth.


Zero, zilp, ziltch, nada. I have no occasion where I come across women my age ever.


And do what? Stand in the middle of Chicago, awkwardly waving at women as they walk by?


None really. I work, go to the gym and come home and usually dick around on the internet and/or watch TV. That's it. I don't even play games as nearly as I would like any more.


What? You completely jumped the gun here. I can't even get that point. What happened to the in-between?


Again, I can't even get to this point. You completely skipped what I wrote and just wrote whatever. I'd like to follow your advice but you're missing key steps.


Well I'm pretty sure you're wrong on this one. Approaching a stranger completely is a horribly awkward situation, how someone is supposed come off as not creepy during this exchange, I don't know.


"You can't talk to women with the intent of getting anything, so here are some videos of guys talking about how to talk to women with the intent of getting something." WAT
You say one thing but then completely contradict it. How am I supposed to take your advice when it's clearly contradictory?


Thanks for the help earlier in the thread, Gaf, when it was clear that I needed help then. You're great at telling me what I should have done different but you're no where to be found when I'm asking "What should I do now?"

We don't know you on a personal level and frankly it's not within our capacity to give you a step by step guide to improving yourself. You have to be brutally honest about the things in your life that frustrate you, think of creative solutions to those problems, and work hard to overcome them. For example, just being physically healthy can open up all kinds of opportunities. Team sports (I rock climb for example) are excellent places to meet people. Throw yourself into your life with every bit of passion that you can and I'm sure that you'll surprise yourself. If you become a leader in your own life, then others will respect it. More importantly, you'll have a better sense of who you are and what you want to do with your limited time here.

The theme that I'm sensing from your posts is that you're approaching these issues on a 1:1 basis; that you see your lack of success as a problem that has an immediate solution that can be enacted. That simply isn't the case with our species. We are much more complex than that. Improve other aspects of your life, be patient, and you will be amazed at the results.