Support NeoGAF

[Ultima_5]

Long distance relationships. Por quee? When do you know when to drop it?

Pretty much as soon as you consider it. Llong distance relationships are an awful idea... I learned the hard way and GAF warned mr

 

[CherryWoodFuton]

Pretty much as soon as you consider it. Llong distance relationships are an awful idea... I learned the hard way and GAF warned mr

As a fellow LDR casualty I fully cosign this post

 

[pelicansurf]

Best scenario is to ask her in person if you can add her

I don't know if you're joking, but nah. It's just Facebook, guys. That's it. Girls have 1,000+ friend's on there, what's another one?

 

[RedHerring]

I don't know if you're joking, but nah. It's just Facebook, guys. That's it. Girls have 1,000+ friend's on there, what's another one?

I think he means that it's better to continue a friendship face-to-face rather than via Facebook. Hence you should always ask in person because to talk in person is the only sort of contact you should really be aiming for.

 

[DY_nasty]

Pretty much as soon as you consider it. Llong distance relationships are an awful idea... I learned the hard way and GAF warned mr

I want to make this work. I put in a lot of work and the past month has been absolutely amazing because of it. I don't want to think everything was just for three and a half weeks of the best relationship I've gad in my life and her breaking down walls that will only go right back up after I'm gone. At the same time... ugh, I know that in going to be a fiend for attention at my new unit and she's going to try and get the walls back up because she has an addiction to playing things overly safe. I've never had this good of a match with someone and the old me doesn't want to give that up without trying. As I've got older I'vecome to realize that trying toforce the issue only works when it is supposed to.

 

[HighAmperage]

Which I'm sure everyone knows is complete bullshit. Just be a good person all around and people will take notice.

Yep...I've never agreed with the "be an asshole" bullshit but I could tell that's what the poster was implying.

And for my money, even considering an LDR of any real distance is just insanity.

 

[Locke_211]

People who find things hard, like in this case talking to random people, especially women, often think that they will get the confidence to do this thing independently from doing it, and THEN, once this confidence has arrived, start doing it.

That's not how it works at all. You have to do it, with a mindset that's okay with it being hard at first and not minding this. Just let the idea that it's really hard, that you're not comfortable doing it and that you might be coming across as stupid, along with the uncomfortable physical sensations that come from this idea, sit there in the background while you're asking a stranger something. Be okay with it feeling difficult or uncomfortable, rather than waiting for that feeling to go away before you start something. Eventually it won't feel hard anymore.

Don't think you definitely won't look stupid, or be rebuffed, or have to apologise and leave because you're feeling so uncomfortable. Think really hard about why you believe these things absolutely MUST not happen. It's thinking that it wouldn't be the end of the world if these things happened, rather than convincing yourself in advance that they definitely won't, that allows people to be casual and easy about approaching random people.

 

[Sanky Panky]

Alrighty after last night I got to get this off my chest. I'm 27 so maybe this comes with age but...

I realize I have acute analysis paralysis, because I am very cynical when I'm out there in a social setting. When I go out nowadays, I analyze girls and try to figure out their story without even exchanging a "hi". The way they look, what they are doing, do they seem stuck up... of course I always find a reason why it WON'T work out, so I don't bother approaching them. I think that this is nothing more than my own shield from rejection I've built up.

Not gloating, but strangely enough this crap comes from the belief I have that I can conquer ANY girl, based on my past. I used to be able to go out any night and hook up with a girl, meet a friend of a friend and get her to be with me, date a bunch of girls at the same time, etc etc. Now, I went to my country for a week, and no girl. I don't even remember who the last girl I kissed was. I just went out my last two nights in Miami, and not a blip.

Anybody else ever go through this? It's almost as if I think all high and mighty of myself, and expect girls to throw themselves at me, but it is just my way of knowing 100% that I won't be rejected. I guess I'm damaged goods.

 

[Blader]

I want to make this work. I put in a lot of work and the past month has been absolutely amazing because of it. I don't want to think everything was just for three and a half weeks of the best relationship I've gad in my life and her breaking down walls that will only go right back up after I'm gone. At the same time... ugh, I know that in going to be a fiend for attention at my new unit and she's going to try and get the walls back up because she has an addiction to playing things overly safe. I've never had this good of a match with someone and the old me doesn't want to give that up without trying. As I've got older I'vecome to realize that trying toforce the issue only works when it is supposed to.

Long distance relationships aren't impossible, but they can be pretty painful. And not to sound like a dick, but if you've only been together for a month, the chances of making an LDR work are much slimmer; again, not impossible, but what makes LDRs feasible at all is the strength and longevity of the relationship, which is pretty difficult to accomplish in just a month.

 

[CherryWoodFuton]

I don't know if you're joking, but nah. It's just Facebook, guys. That's it. Girls have 1,000+ friend's on there, what's another one?

I mean you can add her like you were planning to but I'm just saying I've always liked it when me and a girl are hanging out and we pull out our phones and add each other there on Facebook

 

[cooljeanius]

So the woman I had arranged a date with last night backed out because the age difference got to her after all... oh well...

 

[DY_nasty]

Long distance relationships aren't impossible, but they can be pretty painful. And not to sound like a dick, but if you've only been together for a month, the chances of making an LDR work are much slimmer; again, not impossible, but what makes LDRs feasible at all is the strength and longevity of the relationship, which is pretty difficult to accomplish in just a month.

Yeah. My last ldr went on and off for three years. I made it work - as in refusedto let it fail and forced itbtogwther when I shouldn't Have.

 

[Attackthebase]

I really think I need to change my attitude about women or lower my standards, otherwise I'm going to continue to be placed in the friend-zone for eternity. I've become pretty close with a girl since college started back up, (I'm almost 20) and I've really developed some strong feelings for her. It's hard as hell to tell if she's interested, though. I often catch her staring or glancing at me, which I know is a good sign, but I wonder if I'm simply over-analyzing. When we're alone sometimes it seems a little awkward and quiet like there's sexual tension, but again, I wonder if some of this is in my head. I wouldn't be so hesitant to tell her how I feel if we weren't part of the same circle of friends, as rejection could make things awkward for quite a while. Ah well, sorry for the vent post, GAF.

Why not simply ask her out? At the very least, the "what if" question will be resolved. If she says, awesome. If she says no, at least you know, and can decide if you want to remain friends with her or leave her. I was in a similar situation, shot the gun, failed, and I chose not to remain friends with her because of strong feelings on my side.

Also, NEVER SETTLE.

 

[GiJoccin]

So, an update - I had gotten a number, sent a crappy text, got a "I'm busy but keep you posted" text in response, so I decided to shoot her another text today just for the hell of it. Sent her a text with a little joke and asked if she wanted to grab a drink or two Tuesday night, and she said that could work.

 

[The Shadow]

I had a similar issue with my flatmate a while back. Rationally I knew it was a bad idea (she was a co-worker as well as my flatmate!) so to get over it I admitted my feelings to her. The key thing was that I didn't attempt to woo her, I guiltily admitted it in an unattractive way - she was sitting on the loo at the time.

I found it helped greatly getting over it to speak my feelings out loud. She let me down gently ("it's not a good idea while we're living together at least"), and by a few days' time it was no longer awkward and I was over her.

I don't know if I can do that. It goes against everything I've done and seen done in the past.

Interestingly, me and the girl I'm dating are going out to a fancy resturant tonight. It'll be the first time it's pretty clear I'm seeing someone to my roommate. I'm wondering if I should hide that fact and play it off in case there could be something there, or just flaunt it and see what happens.

If she does foster feelings for me, I don't want to ruin it. I probably should mention that we met because we briefly dated and I know at the time she liked me but I didn't her which is why we became friends.


Edit: Fucking hell, I'm starting to sound like a girl GAF poster.

 

[Dina]

I don't know if I can do that. It goes against everything I've done and seen done in the past.

Interestingly, me and the girl I'm dating are going out to a fancy resturant tonight. It'll be the first time it's pretty clear I'm seeing someone to my roommate. I'm wondering if I should hide that fact and play it off in case there could be something there, or just flaunt it and see what happens.

If she does foster feelings for me, I don't want to ruin it. I probably should mention that we met because we briefly dated and I know at the time she liked me but I didn't her which is why we became friends.


Edit: Fucking hell, I'm starting to sound like a girl GAF poster.

If in doubt, fake confusion and shrug it off/wave it away.

 

[CherryWoodFuton]

How the hell do I not text girls when I'm bored??? I'm very tempted to do it right now

 

[Sub_Level]

How the hell do I not text girls when I'm bored??? I'm very tempted to do it right now

Find somethin' to do. Play videogames, play piano, work out, read, hang out with friends, e.t.c.

This doesn't just apply to girls. Life is short, so make use of your time. Sometimes getting off the computer is a good start.

 

[SRG01]

How the hell do I not text girls when I'm bored??? I'm very tempted to do it right now

Wait, what's wrong with texting girls when you're bored?

Wait, what?!

 

[The Shadow]

If in doubt, fake confusion and shrug it off/wave it away.

In relation to what?

 

[CherryWoodFuton]

Wait, what's wrong with texting girls when you're bored?

Wait, what?!

Bu bu but Brent Smith said to never text girls when you're bored.....

But seriously I just wanna text hi to this girl that I wanna smash but I don't want her to think I'm interested interested in her...or maybe I'm just overthinking things....

 

[SRG01]

Bu bu but Brent Smith said to never text girls when you're bored.....

But seriously I just wanna text hi to this girl that I wanna smash but I don't want her to think I'm interested interested in her...or maybe I'm just overthinking things....

Wait, that makes no sense at all...? You want to smash but you don't want her to know that you're interested? I'm so confused.

psyduck.gif

 

[CherryWoodFuton]

Wait, that makes no sense at all...? You want to smash but you don't want her to know that you're interested? I'm so confused.

psyduck.gif

Sorry what I meant was I don't want to come off as "needy" or "always available".

 

[Bucket-o-roadkill]

I just wanna text hi to this girl that I wanna smash but I don't want her to think I'm interested

Just saying hi in a text makes you appear needy and always available? Well, shit.

 

[SRG01]

The "always available" thing is really a myth. There's no hard fast rule as to when you can call/text her. Her response should be your only metric as to determine the frequency of your contact.

If she likes you, she'll like talking to you. If she's warming up to you, you'll naturally contact each other more often.

edit: I guess what I'm trying to say is that "needy" and "always available" are descriptors that are best reserved for later when you think back in hindsight. You never ever know unless you give it a try.

 

[ACE 1991]

Why not simply ask her out? At the very least, the "what if" question will be resolved. If she says, awesome. If she says no, at least you know, and can decide if you want to remain friends with her or leave her. I was in a similar situation, shot the gun, failed, and I chose not to remain friends with her because of strong feelings on my side.

Also, NEVER SETTLE.

This is the part that I'm deathly afraid of. But yeah I'll get drunk this weekend and say something, cause fuck it.

 

[Minamu]

This is the part that I'm deathly afraid of. But yeah I'll get drunk this weekend and say something, cause fuck it.

You shouldn't feel that way. I'm going through the same thing and it sucks really bad sometimes, but it was definitely the best option, by far. And tell me again, how many women are there on this planet?

 

[EXGN]

I'm in a serious relationship that's starting to go a little downhill, but there's still a good chance we'll pull through for who knows how much longer. However, there's a girl I could definitely see something with in the future, is there anyway to avoid being friend zoned when you're already in a relationship?

From my experience, you can only be "friendzoned" when you are single - if the girl knows you're dating someone else, then she doesn't really think about the relationship in the same way (again, I'm speaking only from my experience).

I realize I have acute analysis paralysis, because I am very cynical when I'm out there in a social setting. When I go out nowadays, I analyze girls and try to figure out their story without even exchanging a "hi". The way they look, what they are doing, do they seem stuck up... of course I always find a reason why it WON'T work out, so I don't bother approaching them. I think that this is nothing more than my own shield from rejection I've built up.

I actually don't think that's very weird at all. Most guys get really involved with the fantasy of meeting and wooing a hot girl they spy from across the bar. However, the more that fantasy is built up, the harder it becomes to approach because we don't want to shatter it.

Next time you go out, I'd suggest just acting immediately and trying to get out of your head. The usual human reaction process is see stimulus > analyze > react - if you're having trouble, I'd just cut out the middle action. Give yourself no time to overthink things, charge straight in.

 

[Kad5]

Interesting development from the girl who wanted to bang me but couldn't cuz of work orientation.

Apparantly the reason wasn't actually work orientation. She just told me it was actually cuz her ex almost committed suicide.

Me: How was work orientation?
Her: My man decided to attempt suicide so I had to postpone it. God, this week has been awful.
Me: I'm sorry. Are you ok?
Her: Yea.....not really. But I will live.
Me: I wish I could make you feel better.
Her: I appreciate it. Having you contact me after all these years is plenty enough. You're the only person that did that from school. Im really thankful that you work so hard to keep friends. I should've thanked you earlier, because it does mean alot. No one else has contacted me. Maggie once or twice on facebook, but besides that you're the only one. I don't know if it was my rugged handsome looks or my bizarre sense of humor, but thanks. (Yes she seriously fucking typed all of that.)

Me:We should hang out soon.
Her: Sounds good. We should go to the park. I like outdoors in this weather.
Me: Sounds fun. Whatever makes you feel good.

Yeah really weird situation for me.....

Any advice? Does she still wanna bang me? Is she using me as a support cushion? (probably...) Well either way i'm gonna be there for support but knowing her past history she may end up banging me but i'm not completely sure at this point....

 

[Bucket-o-roadkill]

Pretty much as soon as you consider it. Llong distance relationships are an awful idea... I learned the hard way and GAF warned mr

Learnt the hard way too. The girl of my dreams moved 6 hours away, I tried my best to keep things going... But of course, a girl who looks as good as she did is going to get guys after her like flies around shit. Turns out the analogy fits pretty well because she found another dude who was interested and forgot about me in no time at all. Its not worth the heartache, local dick is going to be a better prospect to them every time.

 

[hipgnosis]

So turns out I might be dating a bi. This is a good thing, right?

 

[Yami]

So turns out I might be dating a bi. This is a good thing, right?

one word: threesome.

 

[Cubsfan23]

Interesting development from the girl who wanted to bang me but couldn't cuz of work orientation.

Apparantly the reason wasn't actually work orientation. She just told me it was actually cuz her ex almost committed suicide.

Me: How was work orientation?
Her: My man decided to attempt suicide so I had to postpone it. God, this week has been awful.
Me: I'm sorry. Are you ok?
Her: Yea.....not really. But I will live.
Me: I wish I could make you feel better.
Her: I appreciate it. Having you contact me after all these years is plenty enough. You're the only person that did that from school. Im really thankful that you work so hard to keep friends. I should've thanked you earlier, because it does mean alot. No one else has contacted me. Maggie once or twice on facebook, but besides that you're the only one. I don't know if it was my rugged handsome looks or my bizarre sense of humor, but thanks. (Yes she seriously fucking typed all of that.)

Me:We should hang out soon.
Her: Sounds good. We should go to the park. I like outdoors in this weather.
Me: Sounds fun. Whatever makes you feel good.

Yeah really weird situation for me.....

Any advice? Does she still wanna bang me? Is she using me as a support cushion? (probably...) Well either way i'm gonna be there for support but knowing her past history she may end up banging me but i'm not completely sure at this point....

bail out, let her do all the work if you hookup with her

 

[DualShadow]

We had a long weekend Down Under and it was good to see all my social networking efforts pay off, went out all 3 nights with different people each time.

A few friends ended up at my place after the club and I ended up sleeping with one of my friends friends who I see every so often, hopefully this won't make future meetings awkward.

 

[~Kinggi~]

I cant take this shit anymore. Cant break out of my shell. Got up the rare courage to message some girls on cupid the other night and none responded. I give myself another couple of months at this rate before i go nuts.

 

[Bucket-o-roadkill]

I cant take this shit anymore. Cant break out of my shell. Got up the rare courage to message some girls on cupid the other night and none responded. I give myself another couple of months at this rate before i go nuts.

Dont kick yourself if you dont hear back from Cupid girls dude. the ones who look decent are going to be flooded with messages anyway, I've learnt to accept they'll probably be getting messaged by guys who are better looking than I am lol. Online dating girls aren't particularly successful in my eyes, the only time I've been on to a winner (and actually got together with someone I met online and had a proper relationship) was when after a few weeks, we decided to delete our online profiles. We didn't need them any more. Other girls I've met with seem to be addicted to guys busting a gut to send them messages, texts, constantly wanting to meet with them, etc, and they string them (and me) along until they get a 'hotter' guy who's interested. I know not all online girls are like this, but its the majority imo.

 

[The Shadow]

So, went out last night and ended up coming home around 4:30am. When I saw my roommate after work, she seemed kind of cold. Later, I walked the dog and when I got back she was more or less her old self. Don't know what's going on. :/

I cant take this shit anymore. Cant break out of my shell. Got up the rare courage to message some girls on cupid the other night and none responded. I give myself another couple of months at this rate before i go nuts.

Here's the thing about online dating, you're going to get rejected MORE online than you are in real life. Why? Because she's getting lots of messages as opposed to a few people approaching her throughout the week.

You absolutely have to get used to not hearing back from girls online. It happens to everyone.

 

[~Kinggi~]

I think im just gonna delete my profile. I honestly dont see it leading anywhere worthwhile anyway, since most of the girls are probably what Bucket says. Ive suspected as much anyway, just looking at girls status change over the course of a month. They never stop visiting the site and spending an hour on it even if they change their status to 'seeing someone'.

Only shitty thing is I dont ever see me getting anywhere actually meeting people. I completely shut down socially and am too uncomfortable with people i don't know.

 

[The Shadow]

I think im just gonna delete my profile. I honestly dont see it leading anywhere worthwhile anyway, since most of the girls are probably what Bucket says. Ive suspected as much anyway, just looking at girls status change over the course of a month. They never stop visiting the site and spending an hour on it even if they change their status to 'seeing someone'.

Only shitty thing is I dont ever see me getting anywhere actually meeting people. I completely shut down socially and am too uncomfortable with people i don't know.

1. You've sent out a few messages and because you didn't receive a reply you're already calling it quits? That's a pretty defeatist attitude. If you want something, you need to work at it. Stop expecting things to be handed to you.

2. What difference does that make? OKCupid is more social networking than a lot of other "strict" dating sites. The tests, questions, forum, and journal mean that people can log in all the time and never go on a date. Just because you're seeing someone doesn't mean you're under any obligation to stop going there.

3. You really need to work on your social anxiety before you leap into dating. This has been said 10000x already in this thread. Having a girlfriend isn't going to fix your life, reverse your depression, make you outgoing, etc, etc. You should NOT be dating if you think it'll fill some void in your life. Fix yourself first.

 

[~Kinggi~]

3. You really need to work on your social anxiety before you leap into dating. This has been said 10000x already in this thread. Having a girlfriend isn't going to fix your life, reverse your depression, make you outgoing, etc, etc. You should NOT be dating if you think it'll fill some void in your life. Fix yourself first.

There is no way to fix myself. People act like there is some magic shit someone can do and there isnt. I have 27 years experience with this. Its a personality trait and it's not changeable. I just need to get over the initial hurdle of all this bullshit dating game crap and then ill be fine.

 

[Bucket-o-roadkill]

I think im just gonna delete my profile. I honestly dont see it leading anywhere worthwhile anyway, since most of the girls are probably what Bucket says. Ive suspected as much anyway, just looking at girls status change over the course of a month. They never stop visiting the site and spending an hour on it even if they change their status to 'seeing someone'.

Only shitty thing is I dont ever see me getting anywhere actually meeting people. I completely shut down socially and am too uncomfortable with people i don't know.

I can relate to the way youre feeling and have often felt like deleting my profile too. Its hard for me to make that call though because at the end of the day I did meet a girl I really fell for using online dating. So it CAN work, its just a case of chatting to someone who's not playing games... Whether or not there are girls on there who aren't just using it as a virtual ego boost.. Im not so sure but Id like to think there are.

I also have problems meeting girls due to my social situation. the place i work is filled with people who aren't worth my time, Im looking for another job asap anyway so no big deal. the main problem I've got is simple: the stage of life the majority of my friends are at.

Im in my late twenties and only 2 of my guy friends are single. The ones who are happy in relationships dont give a shit about clubs or pubs, so thats a bummer. the single guys.... aren't really decent wing men.. at all. one is a virgin who has zero experience with women, he simply has no idea how to talk to girls without insulting them, let alone holding their attention for 10 minutes. the other single friend is a short ass who thinks he's casanova, but really isn't. confidence is good, but this guy is arrogant. he's a bit of a dick and lies about 'getting with girls' in order to protect this bull shit about being such a ladies man.

now dont get me wrong, Im slagging off my friends here but Im no brad pitt, there's obviously a reason Im single at 27 when most others are either married, starting a family or at least in a steady relationship. since 2009 I've had one girl friend who i fell head over heels for and genuinely believed was 'the one'. Its been so hard trying to get over losing her and feel ill never like anyone as much as i liked her. It's left me completely disillusioned with the dating scene and, to be brutally honest, pretty depressed for the whole of 2011.

 

[soultron]

There is no way to fix myself. People act like there is some magic shit someone can do and there isnt. I have 27 years experience with this. Its a personality trait and it's not changeable. I just need to get over the initial hurdle of all this bullshit dating game crap and then ill be fine.

You're right, there is no magic, instant fix that will change your life. It's a long drawn-out process, but the good news is that you're clearly putting in effort, Kinggi.

I'm glad you finished off your post with something positive and affirmative. Keep going. You will get where you want to be.

The funny thing that most of us can attest to is that the journey never really stops. I'm still learning and trying new things to this day. I still fuck up all the time. All the time.

 

[SRG01]

There is no way to fix myself. People act like there is some magic shit someone can do and there isnt. I have 27 years experience with this. Its a personality trait and it's not changeable. I just need to get over the initial hurdle of all this bullshit dating game crap and then ill be fine.

I've lived with social anxiety for 22 years of my life, now I'm 27. It's not all gone, but you learn ways around it!

 

[TurboLibre]

I've lived with social anxiety for 22 years of my life, now I'm 27. It's not all gone, but you learn ways around it!

I don't have social anxiety and still can't seem to get anything started. So don't think it's this magic problem that if you fix, everything will be better. On the flip side I don't think it's the roadblock you're making it out to be either.

 

[cornontheCoD]

There is no way to fix myself. People act like there is some magic shit someone can do and there isnt. I have 27 years experience with this. Its a personality trait and it's not changeable. I just need to get over the initial hurdle of all this bullshit dating game crap and then ill be fine.

OK Kinggi, I thought I wasn't gonna post in this thread, but I need to if you are going to act like this, since I am/was in a similar mindset to you. It is NOT a personality trait, it is something you can change if you want to. I wouldn't be posting except for the fact that I have recently changed my attitude, and with it my lifestyle has changed. Dramatically.

I won't go into too much detail, but in April, I asked out a girl from my school. I was really awkward around her most of the time, so of course she said no. I became really upset and sad with myself, but I became determined to change. Not so that I could date her, but so that I would be seen as a person that is date-worthy, and also so I can just be more comfortable and happy with life in general.

When school started back up, I started actually making conversation with this girl that I asked out. As time went on, we've become more comfortable around each other. I am only five weeks in to classes, and at this point, I am friends with her and her friend, and multiple new people that I awkwardly avoided from previous years. And I am probably the happiest I have ever been (not just because of these friendships, but it helps). Keep in mind that I have never had a girlfriend, or even a female friend for that matter, so this is all new to me. I fucked up around them a lot. You would be surprised at how forgiving people can be; I mean, for christ's sake, I asked her out and she avoided me for weeks, and now we're actually comfortable around each other. And I did that. I took action to change it, because I wasn't happy with how things were.

I am not trying to gloat or anything, I just want to let you know that things can change extremely quickly. If you look at my situation, 4 of those months don't even count, as we were on summer break, so I never saw these people during that time. I decided to change at week 1 of classes, and now it is only week 5. I still have a long way to go, but I feel like a completely different person. The girl I asked out has even commented multiple times on how I've changed, and how it's a good thing.

And you know how I did it? Confidence. I don't make these people laugh that much, I don't do crazy fun things all the time, and to be honest, I probably spend too much time on my work. I make strong eye contact, I say hi to people (and I always try to include their name in my greeting), and I make sure to change my wording. I used to think that being direct could come off as being mean or harsh. Don't think that, it's not. Be direct and confident about what you say. And I make conversation with them, even if it's about jack shit. Even today, I had a conversation with a guy I barely know about his food container, of all things. I've never had a class with him, and we're in different degrees, but you know what? We feel comfortable around each other.

If there is one thing I want to get across with this post, is that you would be surprised at how quickly things can change if you put some effort into it. No, it is not instant, but it changes very quickly, and with it, you will become a whole lot happier.

And I don't know if you're in college right now, but if you're not, I don't want to hear any excuses. It doesn't matter.

 

[Kenichi]

I cant take this shit anymore. Cant break out of my shell. Got up the rare courage to message some girls on cupid the other night and none responded. I give myself another couple of months at this rate before i go nuts.

Eh try to make sure your opening messages are interesting or engaging. As bucket-o-roadkill and the Shadow wrote, many girls get flooded fairly regularly with creepy or generic messages. Also, I wouldn't completely give up hope. I met my current gf off Okcupid. One of the criteria she considered when messaging me was match percentage, which was a statistic that I frankly couldn't have cared less about, so perhaps keep that in mind when messaging your potential dates. Also, when you do get a response try to push for either a phone number or first date as quickly as possible (no point in beating around the bush). Finally, don't get too discouraged if you don't get back prompt responses. People are busy and may not always get back to you immediately. Good luck!

Other girls I've met with seem to be addicted to guys busting a gut to send them messages, texts, constantly wanting to meet with them, etc, and they string them (and me) along until they get a 'hotter' guy who's interested. I know not all online girls are like this, but its the majority imo.

I'm not saying that Bucket-o-roadkill is incorrect, but I would like to say that in my experience this was not the case for me; however, I will admit that I was not on the site for very long.

 

[Bucket-o-roadkill]

Eh try to make sure your opening messages are interesting or engaging. As bucket-o-roadkill and the Shadow wrote, many girls get flooded fairly regularly with creepy or generic messages. Also, I wouldn't completely give up hope. I met my current gf off Okcupid. One of the criteria she considered when messaging me was match percentage, which was a statistic that I frankly couldn't have cared less about, so perhaps keep that in mind when messaging your potential dates. Also, when you do get a response try to push for either a phone number or first date as quickly as possible (no point in beating around the bush). Finally, don't get too discouraged if you don't get back prompt responses. People are busy and may not always get back to you immediately. Good luck!



I'm not saying that Bucket-o-roadkill is incorrect, but I would like to say that in my experience this was not the case for me; however, I will admit that I was not on the site for very long.

The parts I've bolded are very interesting to me in this quote, when I met my ex girlfriend from the site, SHE messaged me first, not the other way around. This seems to be the case with your current girl friend too?

 

[soundahfekz]

The parts I've bolded are very interesting to me in this quote, when I met my ex girlfriend from the site, SHE messaged me first, not the other way around. This seems to be the case with your current girl friend too?

Yep. 9 times out of 10 a woman who's seen your profile and is interested is going to send you a message. If she visited your profile, there's a high chance of interest but reluctance to speak first -- send that message and don't expect anything in return. I've sent out maybe, 6-7 messages total between OKC and POF and have gotten tenfold without doing anything at all but having a solid awareness of self expressed in my profile.

For online dating, make sure your profile game is right, meaning you seem approachable, non-creepy/needy/bitter, and that what you have to say is interesting.

Guys, try taking the fantasy aspect out of that initial message you send. Don't even imagine her responding back, or you going on a first date, or how you'd look together, where you'd go etc. Forget all that shit. See it as a shot in the dark where if it yields results great, but if not then keep moving without a fleeting thought.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

Analogy time!

Ever sell something online (craigslist)? You post the item and a price. Maybe you'll include a picture (stock or otherwise). How much detail will you include? Condition, where you bought it, receipt included, etc. Are you looking to trade? Is your price firm? Whereabouts are you located?

You post your ad and wait. If your ad is detailed, the item is popular, and your price is reasonable, you'll get many messages in a short period of time. You'll get someone who wants to wire you money if you ship the item out. You'll get badly-spelled messages from anonymous users. You'll get aggressive messages from people giving you their phone number and a time a location to meet. You'll get lowballers and ridiculous trade offers.

There's a good chance you'll delete most of the messages you get, and even when you actually respond, you won't always get a response (it went to junk mail, they already bought it, changed their mind, etc.) On the off chance you get a response, you'll go back and forth with times, locations, and numbers. But if you wait too long they'll find a better deal or a more available seller.

Ergo, selling something online is akin to online dating. One difference is that you're only selling one item (so you'll have to reject further buyers) whereas in online dating you can go out with many people.

 

[samus i am]

I need a little advice on how to handle this situation. Last Saturday I went to the bar with a bunch of friends. At the bar we meet up with my buddies girlfriend and all of her friends. I really made a good impression with one of her friends because she asked for my number. I gave it to her, and usually I would ask for her number back, but I was just going with the flow of the conversation.

I continue to talk to her for about 30 more minutes and things were going well. Suddenly I get the word that my friend is being kicked out. In all of the confusion she ended up leaving without me getting her number in return. I talked to my buddies girlfriend yesterday and she gave me her friends number.

The question is, should I contact her first or wait for her to contact me. I know what Brent would say but I am looking for other suggestions. I don't have a lot of free time and this Saturday is open and I thought we could get together. If I do text her, what should I say?