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[Etrian Oddity]

Now that's cynical. Are you looking in the right places?

Lol I'm not being cynical, I'm recounting directly. I know more girls than not who are literally content to be passed around from guy to guy (within the same social circle!), when they are outright told by the guys they're only going to be fuckbuddies. They genuinely fall into the "chasing alpha male" cliches.

As for looking in the right places, I try to cast a wide net but I tend to get discriminated against by a lot of girls because I'm in a fraternity, haha. (Even though I'm not a doucher.)

 

[Sub_Level]

Alright, so this girl is on Facebook right now, and I've gotta man the fuck up and send her a message. But fuck! I just freeze before I can hit enter. How do you guys usually start a conversation with somebody you just met at a party? I'm sitting here and overanalyzing everything, and I just want to punch myself in the dick to bring the analyzing to a halt

Edit: FUUUUUU! As soon as I posted this I just said fuck it and sent her a message but she signed off before I had fully typed it. God dammit.

If she already added you I don't think you have to make much of a conversation over Facebook. This facebook message has worked for me before:

Hey so-and-so, I was going bowling/pool/whatever with some friends on day 1, day 2, or day 3. You're more than welcome to join us! Here's my number: XXX-XXX-XXXX

And if she doesn't even respond then she's not interested. If she does, pick a day, and you're set.

 

[Spacebar]

It isn't. Even some of the so called "experts" in this thread don't know what they're talking about. All you have to do is better yourself in every way possible. Gain confidence and start to love who you are. After that it's easy. Just be yourself and it works. Thing is, you have to do the work before putting yourself out there. Once you believe in yourself and think you're the best, guess what you actually are.

If a girl doesn't like who you are after that you know FOR A FACT she isn't worth your time. To me, if I'm even talking to a girl we both know she is the luckiest woman in the world.

For many years I was told to "just be a dick bro! Chicks love douchebags! Don't be soft!" That advice is horseshit. Be yourself and you're set. Easy as hell.

I don't think anyone is claiming to be an expert on women in this thread. People offering advise that may sound like PUA or dickish are just trying to help. Some of us have gone through a lot of experiences good and bad.

I've been that guy who never made a move on a girl who liked me. I've been that guy who has been stood up on dates. I've been that guy who would treat a girl really nice and get rejected when I asked for a date. I've been that guy who got stuck in the friend zone and couldn't get out. I've been the guy who had no balls and would sit at the bar by himself looking at the tv.

I've also been the guy who got the number, the guy who made the move, the guy who played it perfect, the guy who got laid, and the guy who had success after so many failures.

It took all of that to finally see who I am and how much I'm really worth. I'm going to give everyone the honest and most upfront answer I can give. These are all from past experiences and I don't want you guys going through what I did when I was younger. Whatever your goals are I want you to succeed. It doesn't matter if you're trying to get a relationship or just get laid for the first time.

I do agree that you need to be yourself, but you need to always be improving. If just be yourself and nothing is happening then you need to change. This is where this thread is helping others finally break through and make that change. Yes, you need to be yourself, but you also need to improve yourself daily.

Improving yourself in areas such as health, social, and money are very important these days. No one is saying you need to be Buff Man, Mr. Social, or Donald Trump. Doing things that improve those categories will increase your chances with women and most of all give you a confidence boost. Once you realize what is possible in this world your confidence is going to start showing and you will start to take those bold chances with women. Keep a attitude positive and start doing shit. Good luck!

 

[Magik]

*Claps*

Fantastic post, Spacebar.

 

[SRG01]

The reason why dating-age is so effective is because many of us had varying successes and failures, and can pass on what works and what doesn't with some degree of evidence. The worst thing that anyone can do is to give impersonal or impractical dating advice.

 

[soultron]

Alright, so this girl is on Facebook right now, and I've gotta man the fuck up and send her a message. But fuck! I just freeze before I can hit enter. How do you guys usually start a conversation with somebody you just met at a party? I'm sitting here and overanalyzing everything, and I just want to punch myself in the dick to bring the analyzing to a halt

Edit: FUUUUUU! As soon as I posted this I just said fuck it and sent her a message but she signed off before I had fully typed it. God dammit.

Her signing off is all the more reason why you should've sent it. You missed your chance.

Whenever I start to hesitate (I still do, here and there.) with something like that, I just remind myself she's just another girl. You'll run into thousands more women in your life, so what's fucking up with one going to cost you in the end? Nothing. And if you don't risk fucking up, you won't ever get what you want.

I usually laugh at myself, five minutes later, for getting so nervous in the first place.

 

[soultron]

Improving yourself in areas such as health, social, and money are very important these days. No one is saying you need to be Buff Man, Mr. Social, or Donald Trump. Doing things that improve those categories will increase your chances with women and most of all give you a confidence boost. Once you realize what is possible in this world your confidence is going to start showing and you will start to take those bold chances with women. Keep a attitude positive and start doing shit. Good luck!

The awesome thing about improving yourself in those areas is you see/get the direct results: you look and feel better, meet tonnes of people, and have more disposable income with which to do whatever you desire. If you're getting women as a result of your improvements, it's just a bonus on the side.

 

[Fantasmo]

But if we're talking about honesty here I am ashamed of my living situation, mainly because it's a reminder of me not being what I consider successful. Not being a downer, it's definitely a motivation. I'm just very hard on myself.

This is why you're not getting women. Not having an apartment has nothing to do with it. The fact that you are ashamed of it, is because I guarantee it has a huge overall effect on how you act when you meet women like a big cloud over your overall behavior. That sulking can kill a mood in seconds flat.

Living with your family can certainly cut down your chances, but nowhere near the degree you probably think it does. Repeat after me "LOTS OF PEOPLE ARE STUCK RIGHT NOW" lol.

Dude less beat yourself up, more "Hey I'm not a bankrupt drunk with a mean wife and 3 kids I can't afford to clothe and feed" It helps immensely to go after the girls who are on the same wavelength/similar situation.

Just fyi, it also helps if you and your parents have a good relationship and give you privacy. Not necessary but less to worry about.

 

[Host Samurai]

How do you guys handle "Phone Tag" with girls? I called a girl Friday left a message and she called me back on Saturday and left a message....I called her a few hours later and left another message. Its been 2 days so I guess she lost interest? I hate this game, there is noway in hell I can call her now I feel.

 

[Moussi]

I don't think anyone is claiming to be an expert on women in this thread. People offering advise that may sound like PUA or dickish are just trying to help. Some of us have gone through a lot of experiences good and bad.

I've been that guy who never made a move on a girl who liked me. I've been that guy who has been stood up on dates. I've been that guy who would treat a girl really nice and get rejected when I asked for a date. I've been that guy who got stuck in the friend zone and couldn't get out. I've been the guy who had no balls and would sit at the bar by himself looking at the tv.

I've also been the guy who got the number, the guy who made the move, the guy who played it perfect, the guy who got laid, and the guy who had success after so many failures.

It took all of that to finally see who I am and how much I'm really worth. I'm going to give everyone the honest and most upfront answer I can give. These are all from past experiences and I don't want you guys going through what I did when I was younger. Whatever your goals are I want you to succeed. It doesn't matter if you're trying to get a relationship or just get laid for the first time.

I do agree that you need to be yourself, but you need to always be improving. If just be yourself and nothing is happening then you need to change. This is where this thread is helping others finally break through and make that change. Yes, you need to be yourself, but you also need to improve yourself daily.

Improving yourself in areas such as health, social, and money are very important these days. No one is saying you need to be Buff Man, Mr. Social, or Donald Trump. Doing things that improve those categories will increase your chances with women and most of all give you a confidence boost. Once you realize what is possible in this world your confidence is going to start showing and you will start to take those bold chances with women. Keep a attitude positive and start doing shit. Good luck!

Great post. I'm not saying people in this thread are wrong and you make a great point about improving. You really do have to keep getting better and better. However I feel some people both those seeking help and those giving it over hype things. "What should I do after a date, to text or not to text?" In the grand scheme of things these little details do not matter. Dealing with women should not be a step by step process. If anything it's more simple than that. You shouldn't have a plan, what to text, when to text etc.

If you're the best, you deserve the best, and you will get the best. I can't stress this enough but any sort of problems you have with women START because of you. Not because you text her "Hey I had a great time!"

 

[soultron]

How do you guys handle "Phone Tag" with girls? I called a girl Friday left a message and she called me back on Saturday and left a message....I called her a few hours later and left another message. Its been 2 days so I guess she lost interest? I hate this game, there is noway in hell I can call her now I feel.

The ball is back in her court. If she's interested, she'll call you back when she finds the time. If not, then there's one less woman you have to spend time on. You can use that time and energy to go after another girl or three.

 

[Fantasmo]

How do you guys handle "Phone Tag" with girls? I called a girl Friday left a message and she called me back on Saturday and left a message....I called her a few hours later and left another message. Its been 2 days so I guess she lost interest? I hate this game, there is noway in hell I can call her now I feel.

Backburner, do your thing, if you feel like calling after a few days, call. If you aren't getting positive vibes, you don't bother calling unless you want a female friend.

Eventually you may hear from her. If you get a really positive attitude towards hanging out (on HER suggestion) she may have rethought her spin cycle emotions, and you're good.

Remember to always be at least subtly flirtatious so they don't consider you a friend/non-option. It's very important to be at least somewhat direct with your intentions. I mean, cat and mouse is great, except, no it isn't, not at all, I'm lying. I used to "play the game" but it's more of a hassle than anything. Being interested is good as long as you don't hump the girls leg or act like a little girl about her. Remember, she's the girl, it's better when she becomes the overtly excited one.

 

[Host Samurai]

Backburner, do your thing, if you feel like calling after a few days, call. If you aren't getting positive vibes, you don't bother calling unless you want a female friend.

Eventually you may hear from her. If you get a really positive attitude towards hanging out (on HER suggestion) she may have rethought her spin cycle emotions, and you're good.

Remember to always be at least subtly flirtatious so they don't consider you a friend/non-option. It's very important to be at least somewhat direct with your intentions. I mean, cat and mouse is great, except, no it isn't, not at all, I'm lying. I used to "play the game" but it's more of a hassle than anything. Being interested is good as long as you don't hump the girls leg or act like a little girl about her. Remember, she's the girl, it's better when she becomes the overtly excited one.

Well I have history with the girl. I was hooking up with her for a few weeks sent her flowers and didn't call or text her for about a week later, thats when I decided to call her in a flirtatious manor. She slept on it called me back and left a nice message than I called her back and said I would love to catch up next week and take her out somewhere and thats how I left it.

I think I can assume if she doesn't contact me by Wednesday than she must not be interested? Never been in this kind of situation before and its driving me nuts. Its not like I don't have options with other girls but this one I am crazy about and is one I am putting most my effort in. Either way I am just gonna back off until she decides to get in contact with me but I must say its driving me insane.....I feel like she is testing me and I have been playing it pretty damn cool so far IMO.

 

[jasonng]

This is why you're not getting women. Not having an apartment has nothing to do with it. The fact that you are ashamed of it, is because I guarantee it has a huge overall effect on how you act when you meet women like a big cloud over your overall behavior. That sulking can kill a mood in seconds flat.

Living with your family can certainly cut down your chances, but nowhere near the degree you probably think it does. Repeat after me "LOTS OF PEOPLE ARE STUCK RIGHT NOW" lol.

Dude less beat yourself up, more "Hey I'm not a bankrupt drunk with a mean wife and 3 kids I can't afford to clothe and feed" It helps immensely to go after the girls who are on the same wavelength/similar situation.

Just fyi, it also helps if you and your parents have a good relationship and give you privacy. Not necessary but less to worry about.

Again I'm ashamed because it's more because it's not the lifestyle I want, not my game with the ladies. I certainly agree to what you're saying even if you're being presumptuous. That's fine. I don't make an excuse about living with my mom and I certainly don't let it dampen the mood but it's in the back of my mind. I'm my own worst critic and I refuse to think otherwise because I refuse to stop improving. So yes, I definitely beat myself up but I'm far away from pessimistic. I just want more and I'll never stop wanting more.

Also my mother doesn't understand the concept of privacy. My door doesn't lock and I think she had something to do with that. She's cool but it's incredibly annoying.

 

[Fantasmo]

The thing that really botheres me it seems girls are way to picky. If you don't look a certain way, or have a certain job etc, they won't even bother with you. Theres too much expectations. Why the fuck can't i like you and thats it? Its the survival of the fittest. And the fittest are usually fucking dickheads.

WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG. FUCKING WRONG.

I thought this SHIT for years.

Choose one:

1) You have mental issues. No I mean it. You have mental issues. You like girls who aren't into you at all. You've met keepers, but since they actually respond to you like a human being, you don't give a fuck and your brain shuts them out. This is you being dumb, go to a therapist.

2) You spend time in places you don't belong. Bar, club, testicle kicking establishment etc. Go to a place you'll enjoy yourself with or without women, preferably one that will have women. If you have some natural charm and you don't let yourself get self conscious, you're gold.

3) You like women who look a certain way, and the chances of them liking a guy who looks a similar way is damn near probably 100% and you aren't a part of that clique. A guidette USUALLY wants a guido.

4) Don't hang out with friends too high on the totem pole unless they're at bat for you and working it very smoothly. If your friends are rich, and you're all at a fancy shmancy club, and the girls there are shooting for the moon or looking for bottles of bubbly and you don't have the right vibe, you're not even on the radar. Likewise, you probably won't get Country Gal Sally by showing up in a tux unless the situation warrants it and she digs it.

5) Similar to 4, never dress or act the way you think you should dress or act. Dress the way that makes you both look and feel good, and act the way you feel you should act. You can BS who you are for a few hours or days, but once you're a bona fide phony, you're shitlisted. The lawn guy doesn't get a few steamy hours because he showed up in a chef's apron with no underwear.

6) She's not single. No, seriously, if she's saying she's got a bf, you gain nothing by persisting besides headache, unless it's a joke and she tells you so.

7) Frequent mixed signals from the same woman will get you mad at all women. It's not her fault. It's your dumbass for sticking around. I actually have sympathy for them in a sense. It definitely is sensory overload to get hit on all the time and it's hard to be direct and say no sometimes, it's mentally exhausting and makes you feel cruel to do a verbal dickpunch all the time.

8) All of the above, you break every rule above consistently. yet you keep breaking them and go on bitching about it, making you even more mad, and nobody wants to touch you with a 10 foot pole.

 

[The Elite]

Had a great thing going with a girl for about a month, she updated her facebook status to relationship, and was saying she wanted me to meet her sister and friends. Suddenly, she's been giving me the cold shoulder the past week. We've both been very busy but I get the sense something else is going on. I might be paranoid. I hate being paranoid. It would suck if this thing fell a part so soon, I just started giving a damn about this girl.

 

[Fantasmo]

Again I'm ashamed because it's more because it's not the lifestyle I want, not my game with the ladies. I certainly agree to what you're saying even if you're being presumptuous. That's fine. I don't make an excuse about living with my mom and I certainly don't let it dampen the mood but it's in the back of my mind. I'm my own worst critic and I refuse to think otherwise because I refuse to stop improving. So yes, I definitely beat myself up but I'm far away from pessimistic. I just want more and I'll never stop wanting more.

Also my mother doesn't understand the concept of privacy. My door doesn't lock and I think she had something to do with that. She's cool but it's incredibly annoying.

It doesn't matter if it's because of one thing or the other. If something is in the back of your mind, it is controlling you. Your subconscious and overall mood in general determines how you come off to people. Trust me because I wrote the book on fucking up, you are faking that you're happy when you go out. You can have all the game in the world, but if you're depressed about living at home, that will come out and you'll look like a giant sad fartnozzle. You'll twitch or you'll get bummed or you'll walk away, something about you will give it away and you automatically look bad.

I mean, you're being pretty direct about your explanation to me, so maybe I'm projecting my past, but I'm saying this because a LOT of people do not realize how they come off because they can't look at themselves in the mirror while they're meeting someone.

Even subconsciously, if you aren't cool with your living conditions, be up front with it and get it out of the way pretty early on. That way the conversation can go sour right away, and if it doesn't the rest of it won't be affected.

 

[Host Samurai]

Had a great thing going with a girl for about a month, she updated her facebook status to relationship, and was saying she wanted me to meet her sister and friends. Suddenly, she's been giving me the cold shoulder the past week. We've both been very busy but I get the sense something else is going on. I might be paranoid. I hate being paranoid. It would suck if this thing fell a part so soon, I just started giving a damn about this girl.

Join the club...girls are wicked fickle bro.

 

[The Elite]

WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG. FUCKING WRONG.

I thought this SHIT for years.

Choose one:

1) You have mental issues. No I mean it. You have mental issues. You like girls who aren't into you at all. You've met keepers, but since they actually respond to you like a human being, you don't give a fuck and your brain shuts them out. This is you being dumb, go to a therapist.

2) You spend time in places you don't belong. Bar, club, testicle kicking establishment etc. Go to a place you'll enjoy yourself with or without women, preferably one that will have women. If you have some natural charm and you don't let yourself get self conscious, you're gold.

3) You like women who look a certain way, and the chances of them liking a guy who looks a similar way is damn near probably 100% and you aren't a part of that clique. A guidette USUALLY wants a guido.

4) Don't hang out with friends too high on the totem pole unless they're at bat for you and working it very smoothly. If your friends are rich, and you're all at a fancy shmancy club, and the girls there are shooting for the moon or looking for bottles of bubbly and you don't have the right vibe, you're not even on the radar. Likewise, you probably won't get Country Gal Sally by showing up in a tux unless the situation warrants it and she digs it.

5) Similar to 4, never dress or act the way you think you should dress or act. Dress the way that makes you both look and feel good, and act the way you feel you should act. You can BS who you are for a few hours or days, but once you're a bona fide phony, you're shitlisted. The lawn guy doesn't get a few steamy hours because he showed up in a chef's apron with no underwear.

6) She's not single. No, seriously, if she's saying she's got a bf, you gain nothing by persisting besides headache, unless it's a joke and she tells you so.

7) Frequent mixed signals from the same woman will get you mad at all women. It's not her fault. It's your dumbass for sticking around. I actually have sympathy for them in a sense. It definitely is sensory overload to get hit on all the time and it's hard to be direct and say no sometimes, it's mentally exhausting and makes you feel cruel to do a verbal dickpunch all the time.

8) All of the above, you break every rule above consistently. yet you keep breaking them and go on bitching about it, making you even more mad, and nobody wants to touch you with a 10 foot pole.

This should go in the OP.

 

[Ezalc]

Alright GAF I decided to say fuck it and go for it. Life's too short so why not.

If you guys don't remember I'm the one that asked about flirting with a girl who's seeing somebody when it seems like she's not really into the guy. I give her a ride to university everyday, she helps pay for parking so this isn't some free shit, and today we were talking and I mentioned one of my favorite places to eat. I told her that I want to take her there one of these days and she replied (it'll sound odd since it's a literal translation) she'd like me to do that.

Now I have been trying to do some flirting with her here and there but never anything I think too notable. I'm afraid that since I took a while to actually start flirting with her that I might have been friendzoned or I'm drifting dangerously into that territory. Next time I give her a ride should I just cut the bullshit and ask her out or what?

 

[Fantasmo]

Well I have history with the girl. I was hooking up with her for a few weeks sent her flowers and didn't call or text her for about a week later, thats when I decided to call her in a flirtatious manor. She slept on it called me back and left a nice message than I called her back and said I would love to catch up next week and take her out somewhere and thats how I left it.

I think I can assume if she doesn't contact me by Wednesday than she must not be interested? Never been in this kind of situation before and its driving me nuts. Its not like I don't have options with other girls but this one I am crazy about and is one I am putting most my effort in. Either way I am just gonna back off until she decides to get in contact with me but I must say its driving me insane.....I feel like she is testing me and I have been playing it pretty damn cool so far IMO.

Did she call or text you after the flowers? A girl who really likes you will respond favorably to flowers. If not, she may not have thought of you in that way.

 

[foodtaster]

What works for me:

Win the men, and the women will come.

What this means? What do men admire?
- Confidence?
- Swagger?
- Intelligence?

Become what your friends want to become and you'll laugh that you ever went after women to begin with. Forreal. If you're even reading this you're doing it wrong. You probably have friends who want to be smart, who work out frequently, who are charismatic, etc. Do all of 'em, and you'll have all the men and also the women.

It's no coincidence that men who are taken usually are respected in their clique.

 

[Spacebar]

Great post. I'm not saying people in this thread are wrong and you make a great point about improving. You really do have to keep getting better and better. However I feel some people both those seeking help and those giving it over hype things. "What should I do after a date, to text or not to text?" In the grand scheme of things these little details do not matter. Dealing with women should not be a step by step process. If anything it's more simple than that. You shouldn't have a plan, what to text, when to text etc.

If you're the best, you deserve the best, and you will get the best. I can't stress this enough but any sort of problems you have with women START because of you. Not because you text her "Hey I had a great time!"

I agree there is no blue print or step by step guide to getting the girl. I'm hoping that some people here get over that hump of asking what to do in every situation. I don't mind giving my input on what you could do in those situations, but at the end of the day it's all on you to make the move.

Just like every other guy learn from your mistakes and do what works for you. If texting a girl after a date telling her you had a great time works then by all means do it. For me in the past whenever I did something like that I got needy and starting thinking about her too much. The follow up text or call lead to multiple texts, and worse I would start to set expectations. Then it would come crashing down when things didn't go the way I dreamed them in my head. I had to make a change and let some of those things go. Ultimately I had to make changes in my approach to women. I fail all the time, but I'm still confident in myself to move on and meet others.

 

[The Elite]

What works for me:

Win the men, and the women will come.

What this means? What do men admire?
- Confidence?
- Swagger?
- Intelligence?

Become what your friends want to become and you'll laugh that you ever went after women to begin with. Forreal. If you're even reading this you're doing it wrong. You probably have friends who want to be smart, who work out frequently, who are charismatic, etc. Do all of 'em, and you'll have all the men and also the women.

It's no coincidence that men who are taken usually are respected in their clique.

I get what you're trying to see, and I agree with you to an extent, but I don't necessarily think you should be trying to "win the men!" Just be the best you can be. Don't try to be something you're not and you should do fine with the ladies.

 

[The Elite]

Backburner, do your thing, if you feel like calling after a few days, call. If you aren't getting positive vibes, you don't bother calling unless you want a female friend.

Eventually you may hear from her. If you get a really positive attitude towards hanging out (on HER suggestion) she may have rethought her spin cycle emotions, and you're good.

Remember to always be at least subtly flirtatious so they don't consider you a friend/non-option. It's very important to be at least somewhat direct with your intentions. I mean, cat and mouse is great, except, no it isn't, not at all, I'm lying. I used to "play the game" but it's more of a hassle than anything. Being interested is good as long as you don't hump the girls leg or act like a little girl about her. Remember, she's the girl, it's better when she becomes the overtly excited one.

Where were you with this advice last week. I definitely got myself a little "overly-excited" even though I knew better. Fuck. I hate it when I watch myself being stupid.

 

[Fantasmo]

What works for me:

Win the men, and the women will come.

What this means? What do men admire?
- Confidence?
- Swagger?
- Intelligence?

Become what your friends want to become and you'll laugh that you ever went after women to begin with. Forreal. If you're even reading this you're doing it wrong. You probably have friends who want to be smart, who work out frequently, who are charismatic, etc. Do all of 'em, and you'll have all the men and also the women.

It's no coincidence that men who are taken usually are respected in their clique.

I 100% agree with this. That said, I will never be this guy because I refuse to be an extrovert. I will not change my entire fucking personality to act like a dickwaving gorilla, and I mean that in the nicest possible way because I have really wonderful dickwaving gorilla friends. I do quite well without being one, the trick is to do things that capture your strengths. I put myself in scenarios without dickwaving competition and lo and behold, when we ARE out and a dickwaver comes by, she rolls her eyes because while I wouldn't compete in a 1 on 1 already out, she already knows I'm that many 100 times better and I didn't have to become a dickwaver to do it.

 

[Spacebar]

Again I'm ashamed because it's more because it's not the lifestyle I want, not my game with the ladies. I certainly agree to what you're saying even if you're being presumptuous. That's fine. I don't make an excuse about living with my mom and I certainly don't let it dampen the mood but it's in the back of my mind. I'm my own worst critic and I refuse to think otherwise because I refuse to stop improving. So yes, I definitely beat myself up but I'm far away from pessimistic. I just want more and I'll never stop wanting more.

Also my mother doesn't understand the concept of privacy. My door doesn't lock and I think she had something to do with that. She's cool but it's incredibly annoying.

Keep your head up man. I'm pulling for you. Good luck!

 

[Fantasmo]

Where were you with this advice last week. I definitely got myself a little "overly-excited" even though I knew better. Fuck. I hate it when I watch myself being stupid.

The best learning involves fucking up hundreds of times. Luckily there are millions of cute girls and you only need one unless you have an illness, or gift, depending on your perspective.

Newsflash: What nobody told you growing up is that when yours and her fancy are both tickled the right way, the embarassment from all past scenarios make it worth it. Just don't get a restraining order while you're embarking on this mission of yours.

EDIT: SECOND NEWSFLASH: What they also didn't tell you is you can be overly excited and win anyway. In the best scenarios she won't even notice what a giddy dork you are because she's too busy being a giddy dork. But yeah, definitely take it down a notch or two, if you're so excited you sound like you inhaled helium.

 

[jasonng]

It doesn't matter if it's because of one thing or the other. If something is in the back of your mind, it is controlling you. Your subconscious and overall mood in general determines how you come off to people. Trust me because I wrote the book on fucking up, you are faking that you're happy when you go out. You can have all the game in the world, but if you're depressed about living at home, that will come out and you'll look like a giant sad fartnozzle. You'll twitch or you'll get bummed or you'll walk away, something about you will give it away and you automatically look bad.

I mean, you're being pretty direct about your explanation to me, so maybe I'm projecting my past, but I'm saying this because a LOT of people do not realize how they come off because they can't look at themselves in the mirror while they're meeting someone.

Even subconsciously, if you aren't cool with your living conditions, be up front with it and get it out of the way pretty early on. That way the conversation can go sour right away, and if it doesn't the rest of it won't be affected.

I like this because It's unfortunately true. Thanks, this gives me more incentive to rethink my view on my home.

Keep your head up man. I'm pulling for you. Good luck!

Haha, I don't think I'm that far deep in the hole but I definitely appreciate the support. Thanks!

 

[foodtaster]

I get what you're trying to see, and I agree with you to an extent, but I don't necessarily think you should be trying to "win the men!" Just be the best you can be. Don't try to be something you're not and you should do fine with the ladies.

That's not what I'm suggesting. Getting women is competitive advantage. You can get women with other methods, but if you want to get women without going after them you have to kind of absorb the best qualities of those you hang with and assimilate. Most of the time you hang out with people who have qualities you want, one way or another. Whether they're smarter, funnier, more fit, etc. In fact, for the purpose of this advice, consider your friends a living personification of your own goals. Almost never will you hang out with someone who is inferior than you in every possible way.

If you hang with a nerdy group, then simply be the nerd who's actually smart, witty and has the nerdy swagger. Don't be the nerd who's an idiot, dresses terrible and is socially awkward. It's simple really. You don't even have to be an extrovert. Keep in mind that my advice works if you want the women to come to you. I've never asked a girl out. Currently on my third girlfriend. People want things of high value. BE high value. Simple as that.

 

[News Bot]

What should one do after holding eye contact with a girl from a distance at like a party etc? I usually end up getting into these gazing moments but I never act on them because I just don't know what to do beyond that. And I've found that being direct and going up and saying hi tends to be really fucking awkward on their part.

I've noticed some girls doing what I myself do which is looking briefly then turning back really quickly as soon as eye contact is made. I usually do it when I'm especially nervous, I imagine it's the same with them. How would I handle these ones? Argh

 

[Fantasmo]

That's not what I'm suggesting. Getting women is competitive advantage. You can get women with other methods, but if you want to get women without going after them you have to kind absorb the best qualities of those you hang with and assimilate. Most of the time you hang out with people who have qualities you want, one way or another. Whether they're smarter, funnier, more fit, etc. In fact, for the purpose of this advice, consider your friends a living personification of your own goals. Almost never will you hang out with someone who is inferior than you in every possible way.

If you hang with a nerdy group, then simply be the nerd who's actually smart, witty and has the nerdy swagger. Don't be the nerd who's an idiot, dresses terrible and is socially awkward. It's simple really. You don't even have to be an extrovert. Keep in mind that my advice works if you want the women to come to you. I've never asked a girl out. Currently on my third girlfriend. People want things of high value. BE high value. Simple as that.

I stand by what I said while simultaneously taking it back. I like my approach for me but this is definitely fantastic advice.

 

[DualShadow]

Just invited pool girl (talked about earlier this page) to join me tomorrow night. Will be interesting to see if she replies or whatever, it's not a big deal either way.

 

[lawlohwhat]

I am on the verge of possibly starting a new relationship with a woman I met online. She is absolutely beautiful, we have been chatting for hours and we seem to be very compatible. she is away on a mission...yes, a religion related mission and will be returning soon after 9 months for good to get back to her civilian life and meet me.

She seems somewhat serious about her faith. And has asked me a couple of times if i was religious. I told her I was raised catholic but I am not a practicing catholic anymore. She seemed to accept that but I detect somewhat of a concern from her. I have not been pretending to be religious, not have I told her that I would be returning to my faith. I consider myself pretty agnostic at this point

So I know that even Darwin had a religious wife and they managed to stay married. I guess what it will come down to is if shes willing to tolerate my stance. I have been online dating for quite some time and have met women both on and off line. I don't have any trouble meeting beautiful intelligent people, but they all didn't work out for whatever reason. Mostly because of personality differences. Now I face one of the most difficult personality differences of all time. I'd like to post a pic of her because she is Nerd-swoon inducing.... too early however. thoughts?

Darwin himself was trained as a minister before his voyage on the beagle. Faith and science aren't incompatible like many people seem to believe. To this end, people with strong religious beliefs and those who are atheist or otherwise can work very well. I've been with a woman who is a practicing christian for several months and it's been one of the most functional relationships I've ever had.

I'd advise against 'starting a relationship' before you've even met someone. People can represent themselves very differently online and I hope that you are able to be very honest with yourself and ask if her being beautiful might be causing you to throw more of your weight behind this idea than you should be.

Above all, don't convert to any philosophical belief, be it religion or otherwise, because you think it will save a relationship with someone. And good luck!

It isn't. Even some of the so called "experts" in this thread don't know what they're talking about. All you have to do is better yourself in every way possible. Gain confidence and start to love who you are. After that it's easy. Just be yourself and it works. Thing is, you have to do the work before putting yourself out there. Once you believe in yourself and think you're the best, guess what you actually are.

If a girl doesn't like who you are after that you know FOR A FACT she isn't worth your time. To me, if I'm even talking to a girl we both know she is the luckiest woman in the world.

For many years I was told to "just be a dick bro! Chicks love douchebags! Don't be soft!" That advice is horseshit. Be yourself and you're set. Easy as hell.

I don't think anyone in here claims to be an expert. I'm pretty sure anyone who did would get laughed out of the thread. But your message is right, and it's something that I continually try to hammer down in my replies. A lot of guys tend to focus on romantic relationships instead of looking at the bigger picture. This puts them in an endless cycle of dependence and subordination to the women that they meet and causes all kinds of problems.

It's you first, and the rest will fall into place. Though, claiming that it's easy is disingenuous and will be problematic for a lot of people in here. It is not easy, it is simple. Something that has a simple solution can still take quite a bit of work to maintain.

 

[Host Samurai]

Did she call or text you after the flowers? A girl who really likes you will respond favorably to flowers. If not, she may not have thought of you in that way.

Yes and she loved it and I made her day. She said she rarly recives them. So at least she knows what kind of a guy I am and what I am looking for. I waited a bit over a week to call her to follow up so I can give her time. I didn't want to just send her the flowers and be ask her out right after. I like giving girls space to let them breathe and makes me much less needy.

 

[soultron]

What should one do after holding eye contact with a girl from a distance at like a party etc? I usually end up getting into these gazing moments but I never act on them because I just don't know what to do beyond that. And I've found that being direct and going up and saying hi tends to be really fucking awkward on their part.

I've noticed some girls doing what I myself do which is looking briefly then turning back really quickly as soon as eye contact is made. I usually do it when I'm especially nervous, I imagine it's the same with them. How would I handle these ones? Argh

There's no right or wrong thing to do, if you ask me. Going for the approach is the important thing though. Who gives a shit if they find it awkward? All you need to do is go up and say hello or try to start some sort of shitty conversation with them. By doing so, you're gauging interest -- and she'll show it to you (or not) right away. If she likes what she sees, she'll probably be more than willing to talk. If she's not interested in you, you'l know right away because she'll seem disinterested.

I had this happen to me last week. Went up to some girl who was eyeing me (or so I thought) and started talking to her. She just wasn't into me and I could tell from her tone of voice. I simply said to have a good night and made a graceful exit. If I didn't go up to her and find out that she wasn't into me (by confirming it through her tone of voice and body language) I would've went home frustrated with myself and wondering if she was into me.

But other times you'll have girls really open up and want to talk. Sometimes girls will do most of the talking for you! You just need to approach them in the first place.

 

[Kinitari]

I think I'm getting better at talking to girls. I find myself more and more often saying the... right things I guess? I'm really kind of proud of myself, a few months ago I was about 99% sure I would be having an assload of trouble meeting girls - I have a few friends who don't have girls in their lives for years at a time, and I had a feeling I would be in the same vein.

Glad to know I'm not! Still having a few road bumps here and there, but I don't think I'll ever really worry about being able to meet girls anymore.

 

[snoopen]

so.. i met a girl through a work event, we spoke for a while and exchanged a few emails and she told me to add her on facebook. now what? facebook message or chat and then arrange a coffee/drink?

 

[casablanca]

so.. i met a girl through a work event, we spoke for a while and exchanged a few emails and she told me to add her on facebook. now what? facebook message or chat and then arrange a coffee/drink?

Chats tends to be borring and to take away the 'magic'.
If you have her phone number call her, if you don't send her an e-mail to arrange what you want.

What should one do after holding eye contact with a girl from a distance at like a party etc? I usually end up getting into these gazing moments but I never act on them because I just don't know what to do beyond that. And I've found that being direct and going up and saying hi tends to be really fucking awkward on their part.

Go and talk to her, if it feels akward to you create an excuse to randomly start a conversation (waiting for drinks at the bar, chating with a mutual friend ...) , if the conversation still feels akward after 10minutes bail out ,you/she eventually come back if you/she feels more confortable.

 

[Fantasmo]

Yes and she loved it and I made her day. She said she rarly recives them. So at least she knows what kind of a guy I am and what I am looking for. I waited a bit over a week to call her to follow up so I can give her time. I didn't want to just send her the flowers and be ask her out right after. I like giving girls space to let them breathe and makes me much less needy.

Again, assuming she really likes you, play it like it was your plan all along to send them and wait.

I mean, that was your plan wasn't it? Don't be unsure of yourself now because only your head is betraying you lol. Follow up and make a date man!

If she strikes you down without a solid reason, its a no go. If its a solid reason WITH eagerness to hang out again, keep super duper cool bc she still wants to chill but she's busy. Remember, this eagerness will show with her suggesting a specific raincheck. Ambiguous rainchecks are garbage. Chalk it up to a no win and get out there again!

 

[Host Samurai]

Again, assuming she really likes you, play it like it was your plan all along to send them and wait.

I mean, that was your plan wasn't it? Don't be unsure of yourself now because only your head is betraying you lol. Follow up and make a date man!

If she strikes you down without a solid reason, its a no go. If its a solid reason WITH eagerness to hang out again, keep super duper cool bc she still wants to chill but she's busy. Remember, this eagerness will show with her suggesting a specific raincheck. Ambiguous rainchecks are garbage. Chalk it up to a no win and get out there again!

lol my issue now is that I called her that following Friday and have been playing phone tag. She called me the next day left a message and I called back a few hours later and left a sweet message that I was confident with pretty much saying that I would like to take her out sometime next week. That was Saturday night and I expected to hear from her on Sunday or Monday. Its Tuesday now and I hope she calls me back before hanging the towel up.

No sure how long I have to wait but I did my part and its driving e nuts.

 

[dreadfulwater]

Darwin himself was trained as a minister before his voyage on the beagle. Faith and science aren't incompatible like many people seem to believe. To this end, people with strong religious beliefs and those who are atheist or otherwise can work very well. I've been with a woman who is a practicing christian for several months and it's been one of the most functional relationships I've ever had.

I'd advise against 'starting a relationship' before you've even met someone. People can represent themselves very differently online and I hope that you are able to be very honest with yourself and ask if her being beautiful might be causing you to throw more of your weight behind this idea than you should be.

Above all, don't convert to any philosophical belief, be it religion or otherwise, because you think it will save a relationship with someone. And good luck!

good advice. Maybe "starting a relationship" was a bit strong.. "meeting" her i should have said. I don't think she's pressing the issue, or she wouldnt continue to talk to me. She'll be back in a week, so we shall see. she also mentioned that she'd be willing to live/be intimate with someone before marriage, so that seems open-minded and encouraging.

Also, I like how insecure everyone is on this site.. It's encouraging in that we all want the same thing, and are willing to do the work.. Remember, a relationship is like working out. You are never done....

 

[hiryu]

I re-read my sentence and it was poorly worded, sorry. I went out with a girl on Saturday and it was probably my best first date ever. We ended up going to her place and in the morning we went out for breakfast food. Everything was really natural. I want to send her a "I had a great time with you text". In this situation is it allowed, or should I just arrange to go out with her next weekend?

If you had a great time and you want to send her the text then do it. Some of you guys have serious cases of analysis paralysis.

 

[Fou-Lu]

What the hell should I do when the only reason I'm staying in a relationship is because she pays some of the rent?

Seriously I don't think I could afford the rent without her, and then there's always the chance she'll want this place so I'd have to find my own place while still going to university.

I know I sound like an asshole, but I don't want to jeopardize my schooling and my shelter.

I only have one friend in this city and she lives with her parents because rent is too expensive around here.

 

[The Elite]

Has anyone taken a girl out to drinks to break up with them or had that happen vice-versa? Seems like a terrible idea.

 

[Fou-Lu]

Has anyone taken a girl out to drinks to break up with them or had that happen vice-versa? Seems like a terrible idea.

I'm an idiot and even I think that seems like a terrible idea. Public breakup just seems humiliating.

 

[The Elite]

I'm an idiot and even I think that seems like a terrible idea. Public breakup just seems humiliating.

Agreed. I don't know why, but I feel like I'm walking into one tonight. Can't shake that feeling. Maybe I'm just going insane.

 

[Xun]

Has anyone taken a girl out to drinks to break up with them or had that happen vice-versa? Seems like a terrible idea.

Yeah, that sounds bad.

I hope no one has broken up with someone this way.

 

[The Elite]

Yeah, that sounds bad.

I hope no one has broken up with someone this way.

I think I've seen it in movies. Never had it happen to me IRL though.

 

[Fantasmo]

lol my issue now is that I called her that following Friday and have been playing phone tag. She called me the next day left a message and I called back a few hours later and left a sweet message that I was confident with pretty much saying that I would like to take her out sometime next week. That was Saturday night and I expected to hear from her on Sunday or Monday. Its Tuesday now and I hope she calls me back before hanging the towel up.

No sure how long I have to wait but I did my part and its driving e nuts.

Let her make the call. Flowers send a distinct message. Calling again would be much

Edit: you can call but only if you're really certain she's waiting on you. Not trying to make you second guess yourself, just be realistic. If it sounded like a go, call today or tomorrow