Woody Invincible
Banned
Host Samurai said:
No way dude. Don't forget to get her a pony as well.
Girl/Dating Age Part 2: A combined effort to give advice for those in need
- Thread starter -PXG-
- Start date
- Status
No way dude. Don't forget to get her a pony as well.
TurboLibre
Member
Eggo said:
First off, agree with it or not, you can't honestly tell me it's an unreasonable position. Second a protest suggest it's voluntary, which this isn't. I have zero interest in someone who isn't showing any towards me. Zero. That means I don't care to try and get to know them, I'm not concerned with anything about them, I'm not even attracted to them. Sure if I run into a really hot girl I'll realize she's pretty damn good looking, but only in a very general sense. I still have no interest in being with her.
For flirting, I have no clue how to do it. At all. I don't even notice it when other people are flirting with each other. Only times I picked up some flirting was when it got really, really creepy.
Tkawsome said:
Consider if from this perspective. Women aren't being passive deliberately, just to piss you off, but because of centuries of socialisation that have forced them into a gender role largely defined by being passive. It's harder for a woman to go for it than a man, in some ways, because that goes against so much of the construct that is "femininity".
SuperAndroid17
Member
Spacebar said:
thanks man , I went in for the kill . Came home with a feast. She thinks I have the hottest smile ever , its crazy.
Tkawsome said:
If you're only going to go after people who show interest in you, you're not satisfying your own desires -- you're only acknowledging and satisfying theirs. Do you want to live your romantic life living only to please others when they throw themselves at you?
Flirting is what you want to make of it. It can simply be telling (purposely lame) jokes, smiling, teasing, and so forth.
Instead of saying you have no idea how to do something, say you want to learn.
TurboLibre
Member
Old Lace said:
I've been treated like I was less then human most of my life, and feeling like I'm being shunned by the opposite sex doesn't help things. Not to mention all the people who act like the only way you can stay single is if you're this guy:
Sure that's part of a joke, but the attitude is shared by a lot of people. In order to stay single you have to be this disgusting mess of a human, have no social skills, and obsess over strange/niche hobbies. I'm nowhere near that guy and most people are floored when they find out I've never had a girlfriend. I know I'm a great guy, but every time I think about how I've always been alone I can't help but feel like I must be that guy in the comic, even though every fiber of my being knows otherwise. It makes me feel sick inside. It also creates a rather large disconnect where I feel like I'm terrible but everyone around me is telling me I'm great.
soultron said:
As weird as it sounds, my only desire is to help others and make them happy. Not in a doormat way or anything, but it is a driving force behind almost all of my motivations.
soultron said:
Good point. I'll try and remember that.
Sorry to hog the thread, but you guys are helping me wrap my mind around this idea. Not sure how I can change this mindset, but it is somewhat comforting to know it's standard for women to not clue anyone in when they're interested. All this time I thought there must have been something wrong with me.
Ugh. Went to a party earlier, tried to talk with this girl I'm interested in and thought was interested in me. But she was all over some other fucking guy; like really all over. And could not have been less interested in me. Then I found out my ex-gf fucked another guy last weekend, which shouldn't bother me because she's my ex and I fucking hate her, but all the shit I used to feel about her just came flooding back.
Jesus fuck, man, tonight was a 1-2 punch of girls shitting on me.
Sorry to rant, I just wanted to rant :lol
Jesus fuck, man, tonight was a 1-2 punch of girls shitting on me.
Sorry to rant, I just wanted to rant :lol
The Shadow
Member
Good: Not really feeling anything for the roommate anymore. That passed fairly quickly.
Bad: Still not feeling anything for the new girlfriend. I enjoy her company and she gives fantastic head (no joke) but I don't feel anything for her and that bugs me. :\
Well, good. That's the important thing.
It's easy to buy new clothes, get a new haircut, wear cologne, etc, etc, but it's much harder to make mental changes. Much, much, harder. Just keep that in mind that the signs aren't always obvious or even there. Take the initiative which will tell you far more than just waiting.
And for what it's worth, I think you're a fantastic poster. If your personality in life is the same as it is here, you shouldn't feel terrible at all. You've got a step above most others asking for help here.
Bad: Still not feeling anything for the new girlfriend. I enjoy her company and she gives fantastic head (no joke) but I don't feel anything for her and that bugs me. :\
Tkawsome said:I've been treated like I was less then human most of my life, and feeling like I'm being shunned by the opposite sex doesn't help things. Not to mention all the people who act like the only way you can stay single is if you're this guy:
Sure that's part of a joke, but the attitude is shared by a lot of people. In order to stay single you have to be this disgusting mess of a human, have no social skills, and obsess over strange/niche hobbies. I'm nowhere near that guy and most people are floored when they find out I've never had a girlfriend. I know I'm a great guy, but every time I think about how I've always been alone I can't help but feel like I must be that guy in the comic, even though every fiber of my being knows otherwise. It makes me feel sick inside. It also creates a rather large disconnect where I feel like I'm terrible but everyone around me is telling me I'm great.
As weird as it sounds, my only desire is to help others and make them happy. Not in a doormat way or anything, but it is a driving force behind almost all of my motivations.
Good point. I'll try and remember that.
Sorry to hog the thread, but you guys are helping me wrap my mind around this idea. Not sure how I can change this mindset, but it is somewhat comforting to know it's standard for women to not clue anyone in when they're interested. All this time I thought there must have been something wrong with me.
Well, good. That's the important thing.
It's easy to buy new clothes, get a new haircut, wear cologne, etc, etc, but it's much harder to make mental changes. Much, much, harder. Just keep that in mind that the signs aren't always obvious or even there. Take the initiative which will tell you far more than just waiting.
And for what it's worth, I think you're a fantastic poster. If your personality in life is the same as it is here, you shouldn't feel terrible at all. You've got a step above most others asking for help here.
TurboLibre
Member
The Shadow said:
Wow, thanks. That actually means a lot. I was sure I was just burning bridges here.
I've had three Cupid dates in the past two days Gaf. I'm not used to this juggling dates and such but I understand why you need to, the best date ended up coming from the girl I least expected it from. After a little over two weeks of about six cold messages from women and me sending out about... three dozen (about six more responded), it's all boiled down to one good date and while I think it went well, I can't be sure that she'll even agree to a second one.
Online dating is really hard work I think. Being rejected in RL feels shittier but it might be a lot less effort in the long run.
Loki:
I dated a girl for six years without living with her. Sad I know.
We spent time together probably 2-3 days a week depending on our work schedules. It didn't really change much but it was still a lot of effort for that long, particularly because she wouldn't stay over at my place very often and I not at all at hers (parents).
I won't put up with that again. If a girl isn't sleeping overnight within a month of going out together I'll pull the pin.
Online dating is really hard work I think. Being rejected in RL feels shittier but it might be a lot less effort in the long run.
Loki:
I dated a girl for six years without living with her. Sad I know.
We spent time together probably 2-3 days a week depending on our work schedules. It didn't really change much but it was still a lot of effort for that long, particularly because she wouldn't stay over at my place very often and I not at all at hers (parents).
I won't put up with that again. If a girl isn't sleeping overnight within a month of going out together I'll pull the pin.
Host Samurai
Member
Blew it with a girl I actually care for because either she is a fickle one or I am an asshole. I hate myself right now. Whatever I got a hot peice of ass moving in my town from Europe next week to distract me for a bit but I want this one girl so bad that its killing me.
Went out last weekend with my cousin who I hadn't seen for about 2 years. The guy got a crazy amount of girls without saying a single word to them. He'd just grab them and escalate right from the beginning, super confident and not giving a fuck.
The stuff really works. I went out last night and was full-on grabbing girls, hugging them, pulling them to the dancefloor, barely saying anything at all. The shit you get away with when you don't give a fuck is astounding.
The stuff really works. I went out last night and was full-on grabbing girls, hugging them, pulling them to the dancefloor, barely saying anything at all. The shit you get away with when you don't give a fuck is astounding.
Etrian Oddity
Member
God, the mental part is so crucial. It's crazy how misinformed/ignorant I used to be (look up my old posts in this thread hahaha) about this whole thing... yea looks do play a part to the girls just looking for some dick, but it really does boil down to your aura.The Shadow said:
Just remember dude, today's hoes brought the fuck-n-chuck upon themselves, lol. I'm actually in the same spot... I'm a gentleman as opposed to a nice guy (have a backbone, am direct in my intentions, but treat girls with respect) and it isn't getting me anywhere with success with the ladies. I'm so tempted to just pull the asshole card and be manipulative to get some ass...but it's just not in my personality to do that.number47 said:
Solideliquid
Member
Has anyone had experience with an ex boyfriend attempting to contact your girlfriend/spouse?
Her ex texts her once or twice a month, sometimes more. He knows she's with me and he asks her how she's doing, tells her he still loves and misses her, and acts out by insulting her when she tells him to stop or gets upset with him. They were together for a long time, but didn't have kids.
He lives in town and supposedly has a girlfriend. It's been about 5 years since they were together.
How do you deal with this? He is obviously interested in messing with our relationship, and this is upsetting to me. I don't think I have any moves here though.
Her ex texts her once or twice a month, sometimes more. He knows she's with me and he asks her how she's doing, tells her he still loves and misses her, and acts out by insulting her when she tells him to stop or gets upset with him. They were together for a long time, but didn't have kids.
He lives in town and supposedly has a girlfriend. It's been about 5 years since they were together.
How do you deal with this? He is obviously interested in messing with our relationship, and this is upsetting to me. I don't think I have any moves here though.
While this will work well with some single girls, it'll also get your face punched in if they're taken and the BF is in the building. Just be careful and use common sense.Aurora said:
It's great that you've some serious balls, but remember: if you're going to be dumb, you've gotta be tough.
She needs to stop being an enabler. Delete and block the number. Get her to change her number if it becomes a bigger problem.Solideliquid said:
He needs to grow the fuck up too, but dignifying his delusional piss and vinegar with a response isn't helping him. Or the two of you and your relationship.
Ninja_Hawk
Member
Random question, how many of you, without thinking or worrying about it, would be able to just go to a dancefloor, grab a girl and start dancing with her? By dancing...I mean grinding (the easy version of "dancing") lol.
Eggo said:
Coeliacus said:
Thanks for the responses. Anyone else? Question below (with a slight modification at the end):
To those who are in relationships but are not living with their S.O.: How much time (in terms of days per week where you see them for an extended period of time) do you spend with your S.O.? How long have you been together? Has the amount of time spent together increased, decreased, or remained the same over the course of your relationship? And please post your age, too, since the lifestyles of 26-30 year olds tend to differ from those of 19-25 year olds.
lawlohwhat
Banned
Tkawsome said:
Nope, but I think a lot of us fundamentally disagree with your attitude. You have to put your balls out there and make them vulnerable to being crushed in order to find what you want with women. That goes for anything in life.
If you wait for things to come to you then you'll never truly have a good feel for what makes you happy.
Ninja_Hawk said:
I did this last night (dancing, not grinding). Went up to a group of 6-7 girls and just asked "which one of you girls dances?". It helps to take lessons. A few months of experience with salsa, or even swing/ballroom will put you miles ahead of most guys.
Ninja_Hawk
Member
I guess this is what I was digging for, it's been done at my school dances for as long as I can remember, so naturally, I was used to doing it when I started going to parties/clubs/bars when I got older. Works for me, hell i've had the reverse done to me by girls, it's fun...very fun, easy, and can have you progressing alot more quickly with someone, of course everyone has their own approach, I understand. Before i got over my "conversation problem" I used to wonder about that. I found it so easy to do that, something so physical, without much thought, then when it came to conversation, I used to bug the hell out. What helped me to get over the "conversation problem" was using the same mindset, just going and doing it, the outcome is either a "go or no", and if it's a no, i'd just find someone else on the dancefloor. Just making that comparison of something that is really so simple, made it easier to focus on accomplishing the task and less on actually worrying about the task itself.CloudWolf said:
Also, I can dance actually, what kind of dancing....hell if I know. I two step, throw my hands in the air and make a bunch of weird motions, following a rhythm. It gets attention, good attention, if you're the guy at the club dancing, throwing you hands in the air, and having a good time next to the guy sitting on the wall or sitting in his seat with a drink just staring, you're going to be the attractive one.
TurboLibre
Member
Emily Chu said:
I imagine a lot of people are treated this way. I think it stuck with me because I never really got any kindness in my life to balance it out. My home life was dealing with an abusive step father, my early school life forced me to physically defend myself on a daily basis, and even my best friends have shown me time and time again that they'll abandon me at a moments notice. Guess that's why I've been so against approaching people. I've been conditioned to believe everyone is a threat in some form or another until they prove otherwise, and even when they do I need to keep a close eye on them. I have a feeling it's a common experience, but part of me hopes that's just the cynical side talking. While I don't hold grudges and haven't let my experiences get to me too much, there's still elements that stuck into my personality which made me naturally distant. I would still do everything in my power to help anyone who needed it, but I didn't allow myself to reach out to the people around me.
Sorry to post all that in response to a single sentence. Just thought it would give some of the other posters some perspective on why I hold that position. I sort of just realized it myself. I also needed to say that if you really are like me, things will get better. I've met a group of friends who genuinely care about each other, which is completely new to me. My old friends are constantly telling me how much they care now. My step father stopped being aggressive towards me and actually reached out in his own way a couple of times, and my mom has done everything in her power to help me every chance she gets. For the first time in my life, people are being nice to me. So if you are like me and had a pretty bleak outlook on other people, keep holding on. Things got pretty dark for a while there, but in just a few short months everything finally started to change.
Tkawsome said:
oh wow u really are me :3
even my best friends have shown me time and time again that they'll abandon me at a moments notice.
this stuck out to me the most, when the chips are down people never fail to utterly betray and abandon, brother my ass, more likely to stab you in your sleep to be honest.
but I supposed it's getting better, so you never had a relationship before? honestly from my experience it's over-rated.
don't worry about it
I'm at the point in which I don't even give a damn anymore, sometimes pussy is not worth all that drama to be honest.
make paper, enjoy yourself, then move on.
Tkawsome said:
Things really can get better if you work towards them. Trust me. I had very similar conditions in my childhood. Divorced parents, physically abusive step father, was overweight, had few friends, regularly got into fights with bullies at my school, and so on.
I was completely oblivious to flirting in high school and people would often make jokes about me being a-sexual. I had enough at the end of my second year of high school and said, "Fuck this, I'm changing my life."
I first decided to combat my weight issues because they were affecting a lot of different areas like self-esteem and confidence. Played DDR (you read right) all summer while working two jobs and lost something like 60 pounds. I've been working on so many different factors in my life since that day and life's been nothing but amazing. I still have struggles and down times like everyone else, but staying positive 95% of the time makes things much more enjoyable, these days.
A lot of us have struggles, and it does take time and effort to get past them, but if you want to change your life badly enough -- and have the willpower to follow through -- you can achieve what you want in life.
It all starts with you.
Don't become a victim of your situation, tk. We're very similar. If I can change shit up, so can you.
----
On the topic of friends, if you don't like them, you can always make new ones. Have shitty friends? "Break up" with them and get better ones. I don't mean better looking or wealthier friends, I mean friends who actually care, will listen, will tell you when you're doing wrong, etc.
A huge plus of being socially involved in clubs, social hobbies, and events is that you're forced to meet a lot of new people. Some of these people will become your friends. Some of them will make you realize that your existing friends might be shitty people. Such is life.
Does it make you a bad person for abandoning your shitty friends? Not really. Because they weren't all that great to you in the first place. And, I'd hate to be blunt, but maybe losing a few friends will help them course correct their shitty attitudes toward you/others. We can only hope.
The company you keep can be a huge driving force in your life. Having a social circle that does heroine? You're probably likely to fall into that trap yourself. Have a social circle that only plays WOW? You're probably likely to fall into that trap yourself. Have a social circle that studies/works hard and knows how to positively balance that with a healthy social life? You're probably likely to fall into that trap too.
Well, when a girl reacts cold right from the beginning I usually back off and go for another girl. If the girl is flirting back as soon as I grab her, the odds of her having a boyfriend in the same room are very slim. I know what you mean though, you have to remain aware of your surroundings and be prepared to move away the moment there is danger like that.soultron said:
Just got back from a night out and did the same thing: grabbing girls, holding hands and hugging them the instant I approached them. This has improved my success rate so much it's crazy. In contrast, a friend of mine got approached by two girls tonight and didn't kiss a single one! He was so fucking shy to pull the trigger they just got bored and walked away.
It's always better to fail by going too far than by doing too little.
DualShadow
Member
Went out last night and was having loads of fun with some mates when 2 of us starting talking to these girls and playing pool with them. It's so much easier to approach a group of girls when you have some back-up. Ended up getting one of their numbers and gonna organize a rematch of pool.
NihonTiger90
Member
Oozinator said:
Personally, wouldn't put much stock in it yet. It could mean something if there's a pattern, backed up by how she acts around you in person.
natethegreat409
Member
Girl I was seeing left me for her wonderful ex. He is a bum, leeched off of her for years, gave her clap once cause he cheated on her, cheated on her several times, and was a crappy boyfriend in general. I know this stuff happens, but it just blows. Haha.
NihonTiger90
Member
nastynate409 said:
Happened to me as well in my first relationship, none the less. Not much you can do but just move on and hopefully she'll regret her decision, but by then, you'll be the happy one.
For the most part I usually just sleep around, with people knowing my intentions outright. But lately I've been feeling guilty. For whatever reason I'm starting to see the person as someone's daughter/sister, potentially someone's wife and here I am wasting their time instead of helping them get to their destination by stepping aside.
Input?
Input?
NihonTiger90
Member
So I haven't posted here in a while, but I ended up meeting a few new awesome people lately (quite a few of them female) and I've gotten quite a few comments of, "Hey, you're pretty good looking!" or "You're awesome!" and the like (the latter more once they've gotten to know me). It's really helped me feel a lot more confident.
The only thing I can't shake that people are perhaps stretching that truth a bit when they say I'm awesome or they think I'm really, really great, yet they focus on other guys more than they do me. I'm not worried at all about "ZOMG FRIENDZONED" frankly (if it happens, it happens; I know I'll find someone eventually), and they haven't lied to me as far as I can tell, but just ... I guess I feel like it's going to turn into the same old song and dance I've experienced in the past, where someone shows interest in me but then just disappears or starts making excuses. Is this something anyone else has ever dealt with?
The only thing I can't shake that people are perhaps stretching that truth a bit when they say I'm awesome or they think I'm really, really great, yet they focus on other guys more than they do me. I'm not worried at all about "ZOMG FRIENDZONED" frankly (if it happens, it happens; I know I'll find someone eventually), and they haven't lied to me as far as I can tell, but just ... I guess I feel like it's going to turn into the same old song and dance I've experienced in the past, where someone shows interest in me but then just disappears or starts making excuses. Is this something anyone else has ever dealt with?
dreadfulwater
aka morbidesque
I am on the verge of possibly starting a new relationship with a woman I met online. She is absolutely beautiful, we have been chatting for hours and we seem to be very compatible. she is away on a mission...yes, a religion related mission and will be returning soon after 9 months for good to get back to her civilian life and meet me.
She seems somewhat serious about her faith. And has asked me a couple of times if i was religious. I told her I was raised catholic but I am not a practicing catholic anymore. She seemed to accept that but I detect somewhat of a concern from her. I have not been pretending to be religious, not have I told her that I would be returning to my faith. I consider myself pretty agnostic at this point
So I know that even Darwin had a religious wife and they managed to stay married. I guess what it will come down to is if shes willing to tolerate my stance. I have been online dating for quite some time and have met women both on and off line. I don't have any trouble meeting beautiful intelligent people, but they all didn't work out for whatever reason. Mostly because of personality differences. Now I face one of the most difficult personality differences of all time. I'd like to post a pic of her because she is Nerd-swoon inducing.... too early however. thoughts?
She seems somewhat serious about her faith. And has asked me a couple of times if i was religious. I told her I was raised catholic but I am not a practicing catholic anymore. She seemed to accept that but I detect somewhat of a concern from her. I have not been pretending to be religious, not have I told her that I would be returning to my faith. I consider myself pretty agnostic at this point
So I know that even Darwin had a religious wife and they managed to stay married. I guess what it will come down to is if shes willing to tolerate my stance. I have been online dating for quite some time and have met women both on and off line. I don't have any trouble meeting beautiful intelligent people, but they all didn't work out for whatever reason. Mostly because of personality differences. Now I face one of the most difficult personality differences of all time. I'd like to post a pic of her because she is Nerd-swoon inducing.... too early however. thoughts?
NihonTiger90
Member
dreadfulwater said:
This is exactly it (the bold part). Of course, if you don't go for it, it's all moot, but that being said, I think it's worth a chance. If it's not going to work, then you'll both know.
- Status