Support NeoGAF

[zatara]

All I'm saying is if you have legtimaate access to her usage history from being on the same bill, it doesn't matter why you looked at it.

She's right, she doesn't need you permession to talk to someone.

Edit: A wife saying that is super-bitchy.

She does need to tell you why she texts someone so much and if she's cheating tho.

she said there is no cheating, it just bothers me more that she's texting this dude like mad while im in the same room with her like im a plant.

 

[computers putin']

what should i think if my significant other is texting another dude 250+ times a day?

No way, 250 times a day?

really?

 

[Orgen]

she said there is no cheating, it just bothers me more that she's texting this dude like mad while im in the same room with her like im a plant.

Have you asked her what's her need to text this guy 250 times a day? If the answer doesn't convince you then separate/fill the divorce papers (That's what I would do).

I know is your wife and all that but I wouldn't go through that shit ever.

 

[zatara]

Have you asked her what's her need to text this guy 250 times a day? If the answer doesn't convince you then separate/fill the divorce papers (That's what I would do).

I know is your wife and all that but I wouldn't go through that shit ever.

i got the standard, "you are not my father, i dont have to tell you what i talk about"


also the 250 times a day is an average, on weekends were talking 600 times a day.

 

[AdventureRacing]

she said there is no cheating, it just bothers me more that she's texting this dude like mad while im in the same room with her like im a plant.

Of course she would never say that if she was cheating.

i got the standard, "you are not my father, i dont have to tell you what i talk about"

She is right, she is allowed to have friends and you shouldn't know everything she says. However that kinda goes out the window when they are texting this much. Firstly because that surely must impact the time she can spend with you and secondly because it makes me wonder just how close these 2 are.

Honestly if my partner was spending more time talking to someone else than myself i would be asking some big questions about the relationship.

Edit: There also may not be any physical cheating but in some ways this can be a lot worse.

 

[Orgen]

i got the standard, "you are not my father, i dont have to tell you what i talk about"

I'm not asking about the content of the messages, but why she needs to text a guy who works with her 250 times a day... man, it's crazy!

And you're not her father but you are her husband. And if she doesn't see anything wrong texting another guy 250 times/day and then getting all defensive when you bring this up then she's cheating on you or she has a mental disorder, sorry.

Bail out my friend.

 

[Bucket-o-roadkill]

You obviously know your wife way better than anyone here but you obviously agree somethings going on. I really feel for you, its one thing a gf doing this in high school or something but a wife.. man. Where's the trust? wtf is she playing at?? I hope something can be sorted for you. I know that feeling of them suddenly stopping texting, or sat like a lemon while they text other guys, its not healthy for you.. Don't stand for it though because you'll only get more miserable. stand your ground and get to the bottom of it. From what you've added, I'd bet my balls something is going on to have texted thousands upon thousands in half a month. You deserve better than to be treated like that man.

 

[zatara]

I'm not asking about the content of the messages, but why she needs to text a guy who works with her 250 times a day... man, it's crazy!

And you're not her father but you are her husband. And if she doesn't see anything wrong texting another guy 250 times/day and then getting all defensive when you bring this up then she's cheating on you or she has a mental disorder, sorry.

Bail out my friend.

The thing is i feel bad that i went to the point that i did by looking at her call history. Should I ignore that after finding out what i did? shes ripping me to shreds about it saying im spying on her.

 

[Bucket-o-roadkill]

The thing is i feel bad that i went to the point that i did by looking at her call history. Should I ignore that after finding out what i did? shes ripping me to shreds about it saying im spying on her.

It sounds like she's getting very defensive over it... which probably means she's got something to hide... Stand your ground and don't feel bad. you're doing the right thing by trying to get to the bottom of this.

edit- she's ripping you to shreads because she's been found out, not because you're 'spying' lol you've only checked a phone account, you've not even read a single message. fuck, its not like you've hired a personal detective to monitor her!

 

[AdventureRacing]

The thing is i feel bad that i went to the point that i did by looking at her call history. Should I ignore that after finding out what i did? shes ripping me to shreds about it saying im spying on her.

Quite frankly i wouldn't put up with that type of bullshit. That doesn't really sound like the kind of person i would want to be married too.

 

[zatara]

the past two days have just been terrible i can't even sleep. its hard just to look at her, i always knew she had a lot of guy friends and talked to them and that i was cool with, but not with one dude so much.

im calling a divorce lawyer today to see what i need to do, we don't have kids or much in each others names so it shouldn't be too hard of a process. i just didn't think it would end like this.

 

[Xun]

The thing is i feel bad that i went to the point that i did by looking at her call history. Should I ignore that after finding out what i did? shes ripping me to shreds about it saying im spying on her.

Fuck that man.

I wouldn't put up with it.

 

[AdventureRacing]

I don't think you should rush into a divorce or anything but things aren't looking that good IMO.

 

[zatara]

I don't think you should rush into a divorce or anything but things aren't looking that good IMO.

the past two days have just made our relationship so different. we haven't touched each other, not even a kiss before bed we haven't even said "i love you" to each other. i feel weird sleeping in the same bed. i already brought it up and she has no intent of stopping it after i told her how it affects me.

 

[Orgen]

The thing is i feel bad that i went to the point that i did by looking at her call history. Should I ignore that after finding out what i did? shes ripping me to shreds about it saying im spying on her.

Sorry if you answered this before, but why did you look at her call history? Were you suspicious? Why?

If you had your reasons (even if you didn't have them) tell her why you did what you did. It was bad? Yeah but that doesn't make up for the fact that she's texting a guy 250 times/day. Explain your actions first and then demand an explanation for hers. There are trust issues here but if you're completely sincere with her she should be the same with you. If you explain yourself and she still refuses to tell you anything playing the "you're not my father" card then kick her out/bail out or whatever.

Believe me when I say that you don't want a SO hiding things from you or incapable of talking or facing up subjects like an adult.

 

[zatara]

Sorry if you answered this before, but why did you look at her call history? Were you suspicious? Why?

If you had your reasons (even if you didn't have them) tell her why you did what you did. It was bad? Yeah but that doesn't make up for the fact that she's texting a guy 250 times/day. Explain your actions first and then demand an explanation for hers. There are trust issues here but if you're completely sincere with her she should be the same with you. If you explain yourself and she still refuses to tell you anything playing the "you're not my father" card then kick her out/bail out or whatever.

Believe me when I say that you don't want a SO hiding things from you or incapable of talking or facing up subjects like an adult.

Without going too deep into it she said she was going somewhere special to her in the past, so I wasn't about to call her or text her during that time cause its a touchy family situation. So i went online to see if she texted or called anyone so that way I knew it was a good time for me to contact her. Normally on her day off when im working she'll text me at work back and forth but it didn't happen at all that day. Then I found out afterwards she didn't even go to where she said she was going, she went somewhere else.

It was never about seeing who she talked to cause I know she has a lot of friends and chats with them on facebook, aim and stuff like that.

Then I explained to her how she has been distant the past few weeks and i'm concerned that she is talking to one particular person so much and it made me believe something may be going on. Thats when she went off on me.

 

[AdventureRacing]

Without going too deep into it she said she was going somewhere special to her in the past, so I wasn't about to call her or text her during that time cause its a touchy family situation. So i went online to see if she texted or called anyone so that way I knew it was a good time for me to contact her. Normally on her day off when im working she'll text me at work back and forth but it didn't happen at all that day. Then I found out afterwards she didn't even go to where she said she was going, she went somewhere else.

It was never about seeing who she talked to cause I know she has a lot of friends and chats with them on facebook, aim and stuff like that.

Then I explained to her how she has been distant the past few weeks and i'm concerned that she is talking to one particular person so much and it made me believe something may be going on. Thats when she went off on me.

It sounds like she has something to hide. Even if she isn't cheating her reaction to your behaviour is just uncalled for and not what i would expect from my wife.

Just the simple fact that she is spending this much time talking to someone is a deal breaker to me (especially doing it whilst your in the room).

Don't let yourself get treated like shit.

 

[Orgen]

Without going too deep into it she said she was going somewhere special to her in the past, so I wasn't about to call her or text her during that time cause its a touchy family situation. So i went online to see if she texted or called anyone so that way I knew it was a good time for me to contact her. Normally on her day off when im working she'll text me at work back and forth but it didn't happen at all that day. Then I found out afterwards she didn't even go to where she said she was going, she went somewhere else.

It was never about seeing who she talked to cause I know she has a lot of friends and chats with them on facebook, aim and stuff like that.

Then I explained to her how she has been distant the past few weeks and i'm concerned that she is talking to one particular person so much and it made me believe something may be going on. Thats when she went off on me.

Seeing this and your other posts... this doesn't bode well.

So she's lying to you, hiding things from you and giving you the cold shoulder. And she is your wife. This is fucked up.

Anyway, as I've said before I'd talk to her. Confront her in the most calm, sincere and straightforward way you can do. If she still doesn't give a crap then fill the divorce papers and be grateful that you don't have kids involved.

I wish you all the best.

 

[zatara]

Seeing this and your other posts... this doesn't bode well.

So she's lying to you, hiding things from you and giving you the cold shoulder. And she is your wife. This is fucked up.

Anyway, as I've said before I'd talk to her. Confront her in the most calm, sincere and straightforward way you can do. If she still doesn't give a crap then fill the divorce papers and be grateful that you don't have kids involved.

I wish you all the best.

I already confronted her about it calmly, and it got nowhere. I told her about how i feel that i don't get enough attention on the one day a week we have off together. She's said things like "i'm sorry i'm being the old jen that your not used to", and "i didn't know i was 12 years old and had to get your permission to go out", and "whats with the 3rd degree"?

 

[J2 Cool]

Yeah, I don't see any issues here, hook up with the 21 yr old, date the 19 yr old to see how a relationship would pan out.

I think my issue is that hooking up with the 21-yr old could put a relationship with the 19-yr old in jeopardy. They both know each other and its a smaller school that word gets around in. I guess it comes down to how much priority I put on hook-ups with different girls vs. a relationship. Both of which its been awhile since I've had positive experiences with.

 

[AdventureRacing]

I already confronted her about it calmly, and it got nowhere. I told her about how i feel that i don't get enough attention on the one day a week we have off together. She's said things like "i'm sorry i'm being the old jen that your not used to", and "i didn't know i was 12 years old and had to get your permission to go out", and "whats with the 3rd degree"?

Who talks to their partner like that? It sounds like your relationship is definitely going to be over. Sucks man, hope things turn out well.

 

[zatara]

Who talks to their partner like that? It sounds like your relationship is definitely going to be over. Sucks man, hope things turn out well.

This morning I've been up for a while, my wife just woke up and what does she do first? She texts this dude not even saying good morning to me or anything. Literally the first thing she did when she woke up.

 

[Bucket-o-roadkill]

Who talks to their partner like that? It sounds like your relationship is definitely going to be over. Sucks man, hope things turn out well.

Just what I was thinking. She sounds like an absolute nightmare. Funny how she says about how you're 'not her father', because she's speaking as if she's a hormonal teenager. Wow. I'd hate to be right about this but by saying these things and acting this way, its like she's trying to push you into ending it.. What a horrible situation.

 

[AdventureRacing]

This morning I've been up for a while, my wife just woke up and what does she do first? She texts this dude not even saying good morning to me or anything. Literally the first thing she did when she woke up.

Oh god damn that's harsh. How long have you been married? Personally i'd be getting out now. You only have one life and you don't want to spend it getting treated like a piece of shit.

Just what I was thinking. She sounds like an absolute nightmare. Funny how she says about how you're 'not her father', because she's speaking as if she's a hormonal teenager. Wow. I'd hate to be right about this but by saying these things and acting this way, its like she's trying to push you into ending it.. What a horrible situation.

Yep, that's how i expected girls to act in high school not when i'm older and settling down.

 

[zatara]

Oh god damn that's harsh. How long have you been married? Personally i'd be getting out now. You only have one life and you don't want to spend it getting treated like a piece of shit.



Yep, that's how i expected girls to act in high school not when i'm older and settling down.

6 years married.

 

[AdventureRacing]

6 years married.

And this just came from nowhere? Shame to see someone throw away a relationship like that. I haven't had a relationship end after that long and i'm sure it's painful. Good luck with everything!

 

[zatara]

It's about 100% confirmed that im gonna get out of this. I just gotta work on the legalities like the possibility of paying support and crap like that. All I want are my clothes, my laptop, my phone, and my 360. She can keep everything else. I'm just gonna miss the dogs.

 

[jaxword]

zatara, that's terrible. You need real counseling and advice, and I hope you can get it from your workplace/school/contacts.

I think neogaf is a great forum, but the majority of us here are around 20 and busy trying to date as many girls as possible and not really experienced in marriage. The worst problem I've really had is a girl stealing some weed or cheating, nothing remotely to the degree you're suffering.

Hope it gets better.

 

[zatara]

zatara, that's terrible. You need real counseling and advice, and I hope you can get it from your workplace/school/contacts.

I think neogaf is a great forum, but the majority of us here are around 20 and busy trying to date as many girls as possible and not really experienced in marriage. The worst problem I've really had is a girl stealing some weed or cheating, nothing remotely to the degree you're suffering.

Hope it gets better.

Thanks, i'm talking to as many people as possible from family to friends and workmates. It's gonna be any day now the tension is super thick.

 

[Slayer-33]

This morning I've been up for a while, my wife just woke up and what does she do first? She texts this dude not even saying good morning to me or anything. Literally the first thing she did when she woke up.

That's fucking ridiculous jeez..

 

[Cubsfan23]

Just be carefree around her and don't mention anything about the texting again, while you get the divorce going forward

 

[mj1108]

This morning I've been up for a while, my wife just woke up and what does she do first? She texts this dude not even saying good morning to me or anything. Literally the first thing she did when she woke up.

For fucks sake.... seriously?

Sorry man. She's got something to hide.

 

[Boozeroony]

It's about 100% confirmed that im gonna get out of this. I just gotta work on the legalities like the possibility of paying support and crap like that. All I want are my clothes, my laptop, my phone, and my 360. She can keep everything else. I'm just gonna miss the dogs.

Whoa! Heavy stuff. Something is really wrong there.

Did not read all of the comment, but do you have kids? If not, it is best to bail out for the time being. Get moral support from friends and family. Hang in there, man.

 

[zatara]

Well i'm moving out today. She left for work without wearing her wedding band or engagement ring like she has since we've been married. I told her when she was leaving "have fun at work" she said "oh i will".


All of my stuff is packed in my car, I called off work for the day so I can spend what is probably going to be the last day I will see my dogs and I am a wreck. The crappy thing is everyone I know is at work and I have no one to talk to about this.

 

[Spacebar]

Well i'm moving out today. She left for work without wearing her wedding band or engagement ring like she has since we've been married. I told her when she was leaving "have fun at work" she said "oh i will".


All of my stuff is packed in my car, I called off work for the day so I can spend what is probably going to be the last day I will see my dogs and I am a wreck. The crappy thing is everyone I know is at work and I have no one to talk to about this.

Why are you moving out and letting her have the dogs? I know you feel defeated, but you have every right to fight for what is yours. You can't just let her walk all over you like this.

 

[zatara]

Why are you moving out and letting her have the dogs? I know you feel defeated, but you have every right to fight for what is yours. You can't just let her walk all over you like this.

She had the dogs before we met. I don't want it to be messy I just want it over and done.

 

[Bucket-o-roadkill]

Well i'm moving out today. She left for work without wearing her wedding band or engagement ring like she has since we've been married. I told her when she was leaving "have fun at work" she said "oh i will".


All of my stuff is packed in my car, I called off work for the day so I can spend what is probably going to be the last day I will see my dogs and I am a wreck. The crappy thing is everyone I know is at work and I have no one to talk to about this.

You've done nothing wrong here, its all on her. You should hold your head up high, at least this has happened now and not dragged on and on. Think of it like taking off a plaster, better to quickly rip it off rather than slowly peel... But both will hurt.

By the way, your wife sounds utterly heartless and spineless. she's deliberately pushed you into this by her actions, instead of having the decency or courage to come clean. I think its a disgrace and makes a mockery out of what marriage should stand for.

 

[theignoramus]

This morning I've been up for a while, my wife just woke up and what does she do first? She texts this dude not even saying good morning to me or anything. Literally the first thing she did when she woke up.

fuck me, rotten outcome all around. best of luck, brother.

 

[zatara]

Thanks for all the comments guys, this is probably the hardest thing I ever had to do. What makes it more sad is that my wife is acting like nothing is wrong just going about her day like normal.

 

[NeOak]

Thanks for all the comments guys, this is probably the hardest thing I ever had to do. What makes it more sad is that my wife is acting like nothing is wrong just going about her day like normal.

That carefree attitude won't last. But don't wait for it. Do what you think its the best for you right now.

 

[Spacebar]

She had the dogs before we met. I don't want it to be messy I just want it over and done.

Understandable about the dogs, but if you want it to be over and done with why are you not flat out calling her out?

Even if you don't call her out for cheating, but the fact that you're trying to have conversations with her and she just texts some other dude in the middle of it would piss me off.

"Whoever cares the least is in control" is one of the quotes my friends told me one time. I've seen relationships just like it too. Some how I'm getting this vibe from your posts. You seem very passive and willing to just accept the fact that she is cheating. Stand up for yourself.

 

[zatara]

Does anyone know anything about divorce laws? I'm worried about what happens because I'm the one leaving her. Like, do I have to pay for half the utilities and stuff until the divorce is finalized?

I called a few divorces lawyers but they were all busy and im waiting for call backs.

 

[zatara]

Understandable about the dogs, but if you want it to be over and done with why are you not flat out calling her out?

Even if you don't call her out for cheating, but the fact that you're trying to have conversations with her and she just texts some other dude in the middle of it would piss me off.

"Whoever cares the least is in control" is one of the quotes my friends told me one time. I've seen relationships just like it too. Some how I'm getting this vibe from your posts. You seem very passive and willing to just accept the fact that she is cheating. Stand up for yourself.

Honestly dude I'm so numb right now, even if she did admit to it I don't think it would change the way i feel right now.

 

[Spacebar]

Honestly dude I'm so numb right now, even if she did admit to it I don't think it would change the way i feel right now.

Hang in there. Find any friends willing to come over and help you out today. I'm clueless on divorce laws, but I think they vary by state. Do you own a house together or is it an apartment?

 

[soultron]

Thanks for all the comments guys, this is probably the hardest thing I ever had to do. What makes it more sad is that my wife is acting like nothing is wrong just going about her day like normal.

Sorry to hear, zatara. It definitely sounds like she's hiding something. The fact that she wasn't willing to hear you out (like a reasonable, loving partner should) was tough. Not wearing the wedding ring was also a huge disrespect.

I'd be filing for divorce too, I'm sure.

Best of luck, zatara.

 

[zatara]

Hang in there. Find any friends willing to come over and help you out today. I'm clueless on divorce laws, but I think they vary by state. Do you own a house together or is it an apartment?

We have a rent to own thing, and to be honest I can give two shits about my credit right now. I have no problem with taking a loss and starting over. My credit isn't great to begin with.

 

[C.Dark.DN]

Yeah, I'd probably just show her the papers in person or by delivery and see if she signs them or actually gives a eff about the relationship to say what's going on and if it could be salvaged.

I don't think a person would sign them out of spite.

 

[zatara]

Yeah, I'd probably just show her the papers in person or by delivery and see if she signs them or actually gives a eff about the relationship to say what's going on and if it could be salvaged.

I don't think a person would sign them out of spite.

It's gonna take probably a month to save up the money to file for a divorce. I just hope she doesn't contest it. In pennsylvania if it isn't contested the divorce is granted in 90 days. If it is contested we have to be separated for 2 years before its finalized.

 

[Spacebar]

We have a rent to own thing, and to be honest I can give two shits about my credit right now. I have no problem with taking a loss and starting over. My credit isn't great to begin with.

I would advise speaking with some lawyers to see what your options are. I know you're full of emotions right now, but I still think you should try and come out of the situation best as you can. If you sit there and pay the rent/utilities for her ass while she just stays there, you're going to look back and wonder why the hell you ever helped her out.

 

[Entropia]

I usually don't post here, but I'm trying to get my feet wet in the dating thing. I've got a surprising amount of messages from girls on OkCupid in the new city I live in. Of them, only one I was interested in and messaged back.

We messaged each other back and forth, then we messaged each other on Skype and set up a date. I messaged her a few times after "Hey" and got no response. I messaged her the day before we were supposed to go out just to confirm (considering she hadn't messaged me at all the past 4 days) and got no answer. I went to where we were supposed to meet up anyway - shocker she didn't show up. Done with her.

There's this other girl that I messaged shortly before that other girl messaged me. I got her on Skype and she sounded interested in meeting me. The problem is she's seemingly very busy with school. Everytime I message her (once every 2-3 days) she'll be able to make small chat intermittently but she's doing school work. I'm not an ass and don't want to give her an ultimatum but how can I encourage her to try and move things along to actually meet up?