You don't believe in touching potential partners in non-sexual and later in sexual ways to make them comfortable with being close to you? You need to change your opinion on this asap.
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Girl/Dating Age Part 2: A combined effort to give advice for those in need
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Bam Bam Baklava
Member
I don't believe in that PUA stuff. I have no problem with physical contact but not when it's being dictated by some guidebook written by some dude. There's a difference, not much of a difference, but a difference.
Well, alright then
To each his own. I think dictated is a bad word to use, as it's not rules set in stone on when and how to use kino etc. It's just ways to up the odds of success in your favor. No one has to use any of the techniques, it's just guidelines for how you might enjoy success more often.It's real, and it works both ways.
A couple of weeks before a friend admitted she liked me (about May last year) she was making more physical contact with me.
It felt great knowing someone actually liked me, but both of us wanted different things out of a relationship so I ended it after a few dates before I could hurt her.
dragonflys545
Member
Yay I finally have a Girlfriend! Feels GOOD!
Definitely. My girlfriend gave me some fucking awesome gifts too!Yay I finally have a Girlfriend! Feels GOOD!
Sanky Panky
Banned
There is great power in distancing yourself, and allowing girl A to miss you. Don't hold back on a good experience because girl A is too immature to make up her mind. Try not to even reach out to girl A (will be easier to do your thing with girl B), and maybe she'll come around.
I'm assuming you both are too young to even know what you really want, so don't focus too much on the looks thing (even if you want a trophy gf that will make you feel accomplished). Life is too good to put up with crappy back and forth with someone. Real love happens naturally.
Yeah I thought about distancing myself and I should really try do that, but i know it wont be easy. I think i passed the wrong impression, yeah i did focus on her looks on my previous post, but i'm not really looking for a trophy gf, and i'm not interested in her only for that, she's really a good friend and the last thing i want is hurt her.
Liquid_015
Gold Member
To all,
As much as I want to tell her, I cannot exactly talk to her or meet with in person because I am currently out of the country on winter break. -_- looks like things will have to wait until I get back onto campus?
As much as I want to tell her, I cannot exactly talk to her or meet with in person because I am currently out of the country on winter break. -_- looks like things will have to wait until I get back onto campus?
Thanks for responding with some positive advice!
I know I'm the one that needs fixing of course, but I'm troubled by a hell of a lot right now and it's all too much to deal with. I almost can't focus on anything, and that makes sorting myself out an incredibly hard task to manage.
I have no one to open up to, and I think that's part of the reason I'm stuck in a rut right now.
I worried for about 5 months whether what I studied was right for me (and still do), and in doing so all of the jobs have been taken up. I was so sure for the whole of my life that I wanted to get into what I studied, but the final year completely destroyed that passion. Being jobless also sucks of course, but having other problems to deal with makes the whole process incredibly depressing. I'm trying to remain positive for 2012, and hopefully something good will happen.
TheSchwab_7
Member
Ok GAF so I'm going on date number two with this girl on Wednesday. She mentioned that she wanted to go ice skating, so we will probably do that. Any other ideas? We went out to eat, went downtown, and watched movies on our last one.
And I'm going to kiss her. If I don't I'll hate myself since I should have done it on our first date.
And I'm going to kiss her. If I don't I'll hate myself since I should have done it on our first date.
ConradCervantes
Banned
People are set up together all the time. Shelve your pride and give it a chance. You may end up thanking your friend one day.
I'll definitely give it a try. I've just never had anyone try and do this and never had any experience with it.
waxer
Member
Well I learnt something as a late bloomer of relationships with social issues. Don't date young (19) And even if you have trouble meeting people, dont screw the crew, particularly an employee. Man what a nasty piece of work she could be. Now that Im on the horse so to speak I guess its onto better things. just got to be a bit more forward and get out there.
Expected me to believe she had an abortion(supposedly mine after texting me on way to clinic, 1/2 hour before due for work) just to get a day off work. Abortion same day as pregnancy test is illegal here. You have to go through psych stuff first and clinic website said you can only book in weekdays (was a Sunday) Also fell on a day which we told her she couldnt have off just a few weeks prior when she requested it to go camping. Its a case of not really loosing something if there was nothing worth keeping in the first place.
Still a shitty experience.
Expected me to believe she had an abortion(supposedly mine after texting me on way to clinic, 1/2 hour before due for work) just to get a day off work. Abortion same day as pregnancy test is illegal here. You have to go through psych stuff first and clinic website said you can only book in weekdays (was a Sunday) Also fell on a day which we told her she couldnt have off just a few weeks prior when she requested it to go camping. Its a case of not really loosing something if there was nothing worth keeping in the first place.
Still a shitty experience.
What are your thoughts on hooking up with a cousin's best friend? She's been friends with my cousin for so many years, and she's pretty cool. I've only recently noticed her and she has always been into me. I'm just nervous that when it ends it'll be extremely awkward dealing with my cousin, aunt, and uncle. All of whom I'm really close with.
If I seem out of it, I am. I just had wisdom teeth surgery and I haven't slept that much since the surgery yesterday.
If I seem out of it, I am. I just had wisdom teeth surgery and I haven't slept that much since the surgery yesterday.
CherryWoodFuton
Member
Go for it. YOLO (You only live once)
Update: turns out she doesn't remember much of that night, including the kiss. Kind of unfortunate, but what're you gonna do? Anyway, she was filled in on what happened by friends, and we've been texting and chatting on facebook over the past week. She's been out of town for Christmas since that night, gets back on the 31st. Seems like she's really looking forward to seeing me again - she said she hoped to get a chance to kiss me again, and remember it this time. We'll be going to a house party together on New Year's. I'm obviously looking forward to that, but I can't help feel nervous at the same time. I've never really kissed a girl properly (I was too drunk for it to really count last week). For now though anticipation is much stronger than apprehension. I just keep trying to remind myself that she already likes me.
Anyway, what say you gaf? Any advice?
CherryWoodFuton
Member
Just relax and have fun with her. She already likes you so there's no pressure. As far as kissing, go in only 10% and have her go the 90%. Don't use your tongue initially and just relax your lips
A woman can miss her period for many reasons aside from pregnancy. Google-fu activate!
CherryWoodFuton
Member
You're fine. I really wouldn't worry. Missing a period by that many days is nothing. Give it a week, and if still nothing, start talking about family planning.
I never took that statement serious. Until I heard it in Drake song 'The Motto'. And I really haven't been taking my life serious with choices/decisions. But 'YOLO' is my motto for 2012. A lot is going to change.
Mentally, I'm ready. Emotionally, I'm not due to the fear of rejection. So here goes. New Years Eve night will set it off. I'm listing all my fears right now. And finding ways to move on from them. I'm going to be turning 25 (
still a virgin
Baconsaurus Rex
Member
So since I'm a junior I cant make a thread about it so I think this is the best place to ask.
I just got a text from my girlfriend who was visiting her dad in Rotterdam. She told me that while walking to her dad's house, two young guys approached her. One asked for her phone number, she laughed and kept walking. They followed her and one tried to kiss her while the other one started to grab her and touch her. They tried to pull her in an alleyway but she managed to escape and run away. God knows what could have happened to her. All in goddamn broad daylight. Jesus Christ, how do I react? What do I tell her. I'm pissed off goddammit. Assholes.
She is explaining everything via texts and is scared to go home with public transport. I can't go to her so I have to do everything via a phone, I know it is stupid. Man wtf, I just needed to vent this...
I just got a text from my girlfriend who was visiting her dad in Rotterdam. She told me that while walking to her dad's house, two young guys approached her. One asked for her phone number, she laughed and kept walking. They followed her and one tried to kiss her while the other one started to grab her and touch her. They tried to pull her in an alleyway but she managed to escape and run away. God knows what could have happened to her. All in goddamn broad daylight. Jesus Christ, how do I react? What do I tell her. I'm pissed off goddammit. Assholes.
She is explaining everything via texts and is scared to go home with public transport. I can't go to her so I have to do everything via a phone, I know it is stupid. Man wtf, I just needed to vent this...
She should probably stay with her parents if possible and definitely report it to the police. She can probably use some comforting and know that not all guys are like that.
LordPhoque
Banned
So are these guys friendzoned ?
Screw that, start yesterday
For me, YOLO is reason enough not to take things too serious in life, but I see your point. This shouldn't be your motto for just 2012. It should be that for your entire life from yesterday and forward. I was afraid of rejection too, and still am, everyone is at some level, but only when I'm home alone thinking about it. For me, it hasn't been much of a problem downtown at all. Yes I get rejected but it's never because I'm a bad person and when it happens, it's their loss, it really is I'm sure you don't fear rejection or failure when you're playing a tough video game. Instead you march on and grind until you beat it. The dance floor etc is no different, really. And FYI, there are women who would absolute love to take a guy's virginity (that's how it happened for me) so that shouldn't stop you in your tracks at all.Reassure her that you're glad she's safe.
Does she have any family that she can travel with for the remainder of her trip? A cousin perhaps? The chances of that happening again are probably low, but for her own comfort's sake it might be nice/reassuring for her to travel with a companion.
Telling you're frustrated about the situation aren't really going to help things. It's understandable, as a fellow man, that you're pissed. But just be glad that she got out okay.
Maybe she can call her dad to let her know where and when she's going places for the remainder of the trip too. That way, if she doesn't call on time, he will know to take action.
Hope this helps.
I'm kinda annoyed right now...
Things have been going well between me and this girl, but as I previously mentioned, she is slow to responding to text messages. Now, I only text girls when I want to arrange a date and I never text twice in a row--I just wait for the response.
I understand people haves lives, but we're in 2011 and everyone has their phone glued to their hands.
Every time I text this girl, she responds 3-10 hours after I've messaged her, and every time she responds she apologizes and says she hates her phone. I asked if she wanted to hang out this week in a very casual manner...like 8 hours ago. Shit's annoying, but I'm guessing I should just drop her. Oh well, next time I should call instead of text.
Things have been going well between me and this girl, but as I previously mentioned, she is slow to responding to text messages. Now, I only text girls when I want to arrange a date and I never text twice in a row--I just wait for the response.
I understand people haves lives, but we're in 2011 and everyone has their phone glued to their hands.
Every time I text this girl, she responds 3-10 hours after I've messaged her, and every time she responds she apologizes and says she hates her phone. I asked if she wanted to hang out this week in a very casual manner...like 8 hours ago. Shit's annoying, but I'm guessing I should just drop her. Oh well, next time I should call instead of text.
Hey guys.
Just got back from lunch with a girl I'm interested in. Had a good time, for sure.
We were chatting and she brought up both a time, very recently, when she and a male friend (quite a bit younger than her) were mistaken for a couple by a girl he'd rejected. And she also brought up a guy that made the same assumption that same night, that had been giving her a bit of a creepy stalker vibe (He's quite older and I gather she's not interested). Nothing was said about our standing, and she didn't harp on about it.
Was this friendzone chatting, or was our lunch not-date on her mind? Or is it truly just random? Thoughts?
Just got back from lunch with a girl I'm interested in. Had a good time, for sure.
We were chatting and she brought up both a time, very recently, when she and a male friend (quite a bit younger than her) were mistaken for a couple by a girl he'd rejected. And she also brought up a guy that made the same assumption that same night, that had been giving her a bit of a creepy stalker vibe (He's quite older and I gather she's not interested). Nothing was said about our standing, and she didn't harp on about it.
Was this friendzone chatting, or was our lunch not-date on her mind? Or is it truly just random? Thoughts?
Screw that, start yesterday
Thanks! I feel so much better after reading your post. I never thought about the video game analogy. I mean when I lose (rejected) in a video game or a match in MW3. I simply take the lose and go at it again and again till I actually win.
When I look at rejection from girls or strangers in general in that way it reduces that fear tremendously.
Thanks again. I'm going to re-read your post again before I head to bed!!
threenote said:
People are busy dude. She has a life. You have a life. Try to keep yourself busy. If you wanted a response quickly. You should just call her if you don't like the 5-8 hour gap response time. Call her instead. She probably does hate her phone and it probably doesn't receive texts right away.
MTE said:
You could be. But your date details are very vague. Was she showing interest to you? Were you flirting or complimenting her? Was she smiling? We're you throwing jokes to keep her laughing? For her to lead to talk about other guys it makes me think she was bored so she looked to another topic (gossip) to keep herself busy. You could be friendzoned. But first you should evaluate that date and see where it went.
Thanks, ecurbj. I think it went well, and I'm hoping that it was just a "Hey, this weird coincidence happened to me!" thing. I tried to keep the jokes coming, and the flirting, etc. I just have so little experience with it. I know there were a few opportunities missed... As for how she was acting, it was hard to say. Yet again, experience issues. I'll be asking her out again soon, so I suppose I'll find out.
No problem. But that's cool that your going to ask her out again. But it's always best to flirt with a girl you like. By doing that it keeps you out of the friend zone. It makes it easier for you and her because it breaks the ice. So that's out the way and you can focus on her common interests with you.
Did you hug her at all or kiss her on the cheek when you both departed? It's always good to do that because it's a good lasting expression for that night. So she knows that the next date she expects a kiss on the lips from you.
Like you said, your inexperienced so it's to be expected but don't be surprised that she loses interest because of your inexperience. She might or she might have the patience to stick with you and grow with you. But just know that your out there and when you go on another date with a different girl you will know what to do and don't do.
So, Gaf, I've known this one girl for a while now, and we're very good friends. She moved a while ago to a city around 7 hours away. We still keep in constant contact, but I guess the next time I'll see her in person will be in the summer.
I know it was kinda dumb not to even ask her out before she left, but we have plans to hang out in the summer.
Anyway, my basic question is how can I tell if I'm friendzoned? Is there a good way to ask about it?
Also, I'm very tired, so my message may not be the clearest.
I know it was kinda dumb not to even ask her out before she left, but we have plans to hang out in the summer.
Anyway, my basic question is how can I tell if I'm friendzoned? Is there a good way to ask about it?
Also, I'm very tired, so my message may not be the clearest.
No it's clear. You have known this girl for awhile and you want to know if your friendzoned.
Other GAFers might have their opinions on the subject.
But for me the first clue for me would be, were you two flirting at all? Flirting tells a lot if a person is interested or not. 7 hours away and you won't see her till next summer? I honestly would still keep my options open and meet other girls. But if you like her so much and you two have flirted I would wait and see what this summer would be like between you two.
Gah! I'm going out of my head! I really think too much reading of "how-to"s and "the rules" has done me a disservice. I'll ask her out at my next available opportunity. After all, what's the worst that could happen? I'm not gonna waste another year crushing on a girl.
Wish me luck.
Wish me luck.
ZackieChan
Member
Any advice for asking out a cashier at her work? Is that weird and stalkery? How do I avoid embarrassing her in front of other customers, etc.? I'm not good at this stuff!
Baconsaurus Rex
Member
So she got home safely, texted with her all the way. She asked me if she could call me when she got scared. That didn't happen fortunately. But the situation is just crazy. She didn't tell her dad, nor did she tell her mom (divorced by the way). I'm telling her that she has to talk to some close family but she says that they won't have time for her. Her whole family situation is pretty fucked up. Her mom is Thai and divorced her real dad. Her family on the mothers side are still living in Thailand, she even has a little sister back there. She is living with her mom and second stepfather, who has a son of his own. They are going to separate as well so her stepfather and stepbrother are on vacation. Meanwhile her mom isn't home, she is with a friend. Meaning that she is home alone most of the time. She was left home alone on Christmas.
She says she is fine but I don't really believe her, and I don't know how to react. I'll leave it how it is now, but she is going through a emotional roller coaster I'm sure. I'll make sure to tell her that I'll be there for her and that she can always talk to me.
It just looks like I'm stuck in a soap series.
Just walk up to her and ask her for her number. Say your interested and wanted to know if you can take her out for some coffee so you can get to know her better. If you do it in front of customers, your a boss. Because it shows her you have confidence.
If she says no, just say thanks for the reply and you, yourself just need to know you asked her. You tried and it's her lost so move on. Simple.
MTE said:
Stop worrying about 'rules' or how tos' it just makes the date even more scripted and not truly a date from the heart. Just know that if you really like a girl. Flirt with her i.e. complimenting, touching, joking. This keeps you out the friendzone.
You're welcome
I know, it's like the loss doesn't even register, it's actually a part of the game that you just accept subconsciously. It's pretty rare to run into a boss fight that's so hard you just put the game down forever in defeat. No gamer does that. I'm sure you think the same way in regular social situations, I mean not everyone fits perfectly with everyone, and when something doesn't work, you just move on without a second thought, right? Yet with women, everything is completely different for some arbitrary reason. We're all just a heap of molecules, how come it matters so much?ZackieChan
Member
I don't know where to start.
My mother kicked me out earlier today for defending the girl I have known for a long time and who slept with me for three nights this week. My parents actually kicked her out 01) for getting drunk at my fathers bday yesterday, but we all got drunk, we had tequila on the table! 02) My parents have heard talk that this girl is trying to get fired in Norway and hide in Denmark, but again, it's speculation, she still have a job and is here on vacation...
Then all of a sudden, my mother adds, that back in The Philippines she have a bad reputation and so she does not belong in the family. She literally shouted at this girl I have slept with and I came to defend her against my mom. We had a talk later as well, but where I admitted I should not have invited her without their permit, they couldn't see it from my perspective. It now feels like I can't have girls home or build a network,
Then I have since come back but I plan finding help somewhere to find my own apartment and probably change my name. I don't feel anyone in my family supports me, only my cousins, uncles and aunties does. =/
It's like they can't even contemplate that I'm an adult now, and that they should not command me going upstairs etc. and my mother kept interrupting me and talking in English even though she wanted me to talk in Danish, super weird.
Heck, even with my second gf four years ago, she said I should not trust my gf because people are saying she is only trying to get my money. Yet she keeps talking with my first ex who I don't like at all as she tried ruining my second relationship. Worst thing is, I have just given her an iPhone 4S as a Xmas present and she don't seem to care that much.
This sucks.
I even want to change my name, so I won't have any relevance to them. They are so close minded.
My mother kicked me out earlier today for defending the girl I have known for a long time and who slept with me for three nights this week. My parents actually kicked her out 01) for getting drunk at my fathers bday yesterday, but we all got drunk, we had tequila on the table! 02) My parents have heard talk that this girl is trying to get fired in Norway and hide in Denmark, but again, it's speculation, she still have a job and is here on vacation...
Then all of a sudden, my mother adds, that back in The Philippines she have a bad reputation and so she does not belong in the family. She literally shouted at this girl I have slept with and I came to defend her against my mom. We had a talk later as well, but where I admitted I should not have invited her without their permit, they couldn't see it from my perspective. It now feels like I can't have girls home or build a network,
Then I have since come back but I plan finding help somewhere to find my own apartment and probably change my name. I don't feel anyone in my family supports me, only my cousins, uncles and aunties does. =/
It's like they can't even contemplate that I'm an adult now, and that they should not command me going upstairs etc. and my mother kept interrupting me and talking in English even though she wanted me to talk in Danish, super weird.
Heck, even with my second gf four years ago, she said I should not trust my gf because people are saying she is only trying to get my money. Yet she keeps talking with my first ex who I don't like at all as she tried ruining my second relationship. Worst thing is, I have just given her an iPhone 4S as a Xmas present and she don't seem to care that much.
This sucks.
I even want to change my name, so I won't have any relevance to them. They are so close minded.
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