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[Cygnus X-1]

True, time is going by fast, and I am already older than 30. Not sure how to work hard on the problem though.

Point is that no-one is going to help you if you don't act. That's for sure.

Again, it comes back to not knowing how to approach a stranger. What do you say after "hello". How can you initiate contact when most people are talking with someone else or are buried head-first in their cell phones?

You can't. People have a massive fear today toward strangers, because world is filled with psychos, murders, thiefs and so on. And I won't blame them for that attitude. You have to find a way to communicate with girls outside bars. My recipe here is: stop go to bars alone. It's useless. Partys are even more stupid. Unless you already know someone, it is impossible to speak or approach someone, outside if your face and body are as good as George Clooney or Brad Pitt. Which is of course not the case for 99.9% of people.
The idea is to get to know girls in places in which you have a common interest if you're totally alone or to "use" male friends as springboard for getting to know more people, which in turn will let you expand your "catalogue" of girls even more.

Is that really the answer? I mean, again, playing games makes me happy. Why would I close off something that is keeping me off of becoming super depressed or falling back into panic attacks? I love videogames, that's not going to change.

Did you try? Be honest with you: if you have time to play games, you have time to replace that time with hobbies and other interests.

That's all well and good if you have the time to do those things. I have been unable to find any group to meetup with (and yes, looked on meetup, it sucks) that doesn't conflict with my work schedule. What do you do and where do you go if you cannot find a place to meet other people that isn't a bar?

Everyone has to work. It's normal. That's why additional courses of dance, languages, psychology and so on are entirely carried out in the evening, usually once or twice per week. Sports are a bit more demanding, but all social sports like soccer, volley, hockey are again entirely organized after work. It's quite interesting that such activities are during the evenings of the week and that usually, outside special events, saturday and sunday are excluded.

Anyway, my bottom line is: no-one is going to help you. The Bible even says: "Help yourself that God will help you". And it is exactly like that. I know your difficulties: during my studies in the best university of Europe in order to obtain a MSc in Chemistry, I assure you that I reduced myself to scrap and I hadn't time for a girl or social life at all. Since it was my choice, and since I'm broad-shouldered enough to stand solitude pretty well, I kept working.
I finished 2 months ago and IMMEDIATELY started to make up a social life to recover. Now I already have 3 best male friends, with which I regularly go out and thanks to them, I could get in contact with roughly 10 girls. Still no love or girlfriend, but I keep working. Do you see what I mean now with "working"? And considering I did all of that in two months, that's not so bad.

I'm going to tell you: safer way is to remain home. But you're going to regret it, I assure you. Remember: everything is possible, if you put energy and time in it. Only exception being returning from death, without the help of God.

Good luck!

 

[Xun]

Be like Nike man. Just do it. You can do all of the motivating, warming up, by talking to other people, assuring yourself of what to say and do, but at the end of the day, the most important and most difficult thing is to just go up and open your mouth. The sooner you do it, the better it'll be, and once you've done it a few times, you'll get more comfortable with it and you won't worry so much. But sitting there thinking about doing it is just holding you up from an eventual screwup or you won't do anything it all while you're sitting there worrying. So yeah, see, like, go talk lol. That is how I got over it anyways.

A friend of mine gave me this advice. Most of the time when men wanna talk to a girl, they come up with an excuse not to. "She looks like she's waiting for someone," "She's in an intense conversation with her friend," "That guy in the group is probably her boyfriend," "She looks like shes only into guys with A, B, C traits when I'm X, Y, Z," "I probably won't have anything interesting to say," etc.

Next time you catch yourself saying that, challenge yourself to come up with at least two other possible ways the interaction could play out. "She could think I dress really well," "That guy might just be a coworker and she's stuck with him because everyone else left," "She's wants someone to come over and talk to her," "she wants to make out with the next guy she talks to," etc.

You'll quickly realize you have no idea how people are going to react to your approach and how stupid it is to let yourself come to these baseless negative conclusions in the first place. It's all about mindset, man - the quicker you realize there is nothing wrong with talking to strangers, the better off you'll be.

Thanks for the solid advice guys.

Because of my OCD I over think the situation far too much and don't get anywhere.

In my teens I was picked upon, which obviously had a huge impact on me and I really can't shake it off. It annoys me because I was actually starting to get somewhere in the 2nd year of college last year, but the end of year party destroyed any confidence I had. The BA year (this year) just got worse and worse, and I had a huge burden on my shoulders from my tutors expecting a lot out of me. Needless to say all of this completely destroyed my confidence since I didn't live up to expectations.

I feel I need a helping hand, and I don't mean someone doing the talking for me but rather pushing me into doing it. As I've mentioned my friends aren't willing to help/go out which doesn't at all make it easier to deal with.

 

[luckyboyceo]

I've been hanging out with this girl for a little more than a month. She's really awesome. I love hanging out with her however we were making out one day and then we suddenly stop because she wants to tell me something. She tells me she has herpes. I have no idea what to do. She's super cool and I have lots of fun with her but I sure as hell don't want no std. What do I do?

On one hand, tons of people have herpes and live with it. As I'm sure you know, it's treatable and can be kept relatively under control if you use the right treatments.. Also, there's no guarantee you'll contract it from her even if you do mess around. On the other hand if you do contract it from her, you're stuck with it for life. I couldn't imagine having to have that conversation with every one of my future partners. For me personally, I think this alone would be enough to deter me away from her.

Of course, if you really like her and could see a potential future with her then go for it. Granted, that's a tough choice after just a month. My advice is that if you're not too emotionally invested in her yet, then bail out. I've never been in this situation but that's probably what I'd do.

Alright GAF so here's my current situation with the girl I went out with last Friday.

I'm currently in Cali so all we've been doing is occasionally texting back and forth.

I told her that I was going to Cali for 10 days and she was pretty bummed out because she said that she wouldn't be able to see me. That it was going to be too long of a wait. She also told me that she liked me, and that I treated her better than any other guy has. She then mentioned that we should go on a second date so that we could go ice skating and after I could show her all of my pics from Cali. So I told her I was going to take her out on the 28th.

Now...she had a boyfriend for 3 or 4 years on and off. And this guy is obsessed with her and they aren't together, but he still has her in his profile picture on Facebook, still comments that he loves her, etc. It's weird. She doesn't acknowledge any of it, but it makes me think about what shes doing on the side. She tells me that she wants to see what happens with me, so I'm thinking alright let's see what happens, but I don't want to get involved with her if shes still creeping around with her ex. From what she tells me, she doesn't want anything to do with him, so I'm gonna trust her for now.

Thoughts?

If you trust her then you shouldn't have to worry. I know you say you do but the fact that you're asking us about it makes me think that maybe you actually feel otherwise.

The fact that she doesn't seem to acknowledge any of the stuff he says to her is a good sign. Hopefully, this is just the case of a jealous/clingy ex and it's a one-way thing.

Help needed:

Quick, random birthday greeting on FB from me to someone I used to "hang out" with: "****, happy happy birthday!!!"

Reply on wall post: "Thanks, ****! Haven't seen you in a LONG time! Happy Holidays to you and your family!"

"Long time" being 4 months without communication whatsoever. I'm tempted to think this might be some sort of encouragement for me to initiate reconnecting -- or I might to be reading too much into it 'cause that's what I want to believe. Help? lol

I think you're reading into it too much. I think it was her just returning the gesture and nothing more. If she had asked how you were or what was new in your life, I think you'd be right to read into it as interest, but as it stands right now I think it's a normal greeting.

Went on my first ever date last night. Bowling then casual restaurant then an ice cream shop then Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (which is the most awkward date movie ever btw). Overall it went OK.

PROS:
- She laughed a lot and seemed to be enjoying herself. Paid most attention to me and not her phone
- I kept the energy up. Things never got too awkward or dull
- I was confident as balls

CONS:
- We had met previously at a BBQ where I held hands with her. I didn't do that on this date and beyond some playful touching I didn't elevate the physical aspect at all.
- She payed for hernown movie ticket and the restaurant I took her to wasn't super nice but I spent way too much money on her
- At the end of the date I told her I had fun. She looked at me with a smile and said it was "interesting". I asked if that was a good thing (with a smile) and she said she didn't know yet. I think that was her nice way of saying I blew it lol

Oh god lol. Fantastic movie but yes, I can't imagine how awkward that must've been during a particular scene.

Did you guys just not connect well or something? Any idea as to why she felt the date was underwhelming (I think this is what she meant by "interesting")? It sounds like it wasn't that bad in your opinion.

 

[ecurbj]

...

I feel I need a helping hand, and I don't mean someone doing the talking for me but rather pushing me into doing it. As I've mentioned my friends aren't willing to help/go out which doesn't at all make it easier to deal with.

You don't need your friends per se to help you with something internal. It's you that needs the fixing.

Your a bright young man with a future ahead of you. Any girl will want you Xun. Realize that. You need to. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Accept your capabilities and what you have to offer, never mind what you don't have or can't offer and it won't matter what people say or think about you.

 

[Biff]

Went on my first ever date last night. Bowling then casual restaurant then an ice cream shop then Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (which is the most awkward date movie ever btw). Overall it went OK.

PROS:
- She laughed a lot and seemed to be enjoying herself. Paid most attention to me and not her phone
- I kept the energy up. Things never got too awkward or dull
- I was confident as balls

CONS:
- We had met previously at a BBQ where I held hands with her. I didn't do that on this date and beyond some playful touching I didn't elevate the physical aspect at all.
- She payed for hernown movie ticket and the restaurant I took her to wasn't super nice but I spent way too much money on her
- At the end of the date I told her I had fun. She looked at me with a smile and said it was "interesting". I asked if that was a good thing (with a smile) and she said she didn't know yet. I think that was her nice way of saying I blew it lol

Okay, it was your first date ever, so don't take this too harshly, but:

1. Bowling
2. Dinner
3. Ice cream
4. Movie

wtf... that date sounds like it lasted 8 hours. And really dude... The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo? Uhmm....... I'm guessing you're the one that suggested it? If you did, then she is definitely not happy with you for that, regardless of whether or not you knew 'that' scene was in there.

No matter what a girl says, no matter who she is, she will be extremely uncomfortable watching a rape scene. It's some psychological shit (understandable) that cannot be brushed off as 'just a movie'. It bothers them and it's unavoidable. You royally fucked that date by watching a goddamn rape scene together.

The fact that she didn't even give you a pity "I had a good time" at the end is really bad news, but at least she's honest.

So, dust yourself off and keep your eyes open for the next one. Your next first date will be no more than 3 hours long, okay? THREE. And it will NOT include a movie. Dinner and maybe coffee after. If it's going really well, then extend it another hour with a spontaneous walk through the nearest park. You aren't her girlfriend, this isn't her birthday. This is a date, where you are a man and will treat her to a meal. Not a meal, ice cream, bowling (??) and a rape movie (???).

 

[Sub_Level]

.

Did you guys just not connect well or something? Any idea as to why she felt the date was underwhelming (I think this is what she meant by "interesting")? It sounds like it wasn't that bad in your opinion.

I think we really connected well (would love to hear her side for curiosity's sake) but I felt I was all humour and no charm. She was straight up laughing the entire date, but I was more Rob Schneider funny than sexy guy funny. I hope I'm wrong.

I asked if "interesting" was a good thing. She said she didn't know and that honestly she was tired. It was half past mdinight and we WERE on a date for six hours.

Sent her a text today saying I had fun. Not gonna push it any further, at least for a week or two. I asked her about the movie btw. She said she wanted to see it.

 

[kid ness]

There's this girl who I'm friends with who's a year older than me.

Backstory (4 years ago): We went to high school together, joined the same club and became friends really quick. We hit it off. Problem was, my other friend who I had met in that club beforehand was "in love" with her. She didn't feel the same way about him. I felt like a douche if I'd just ask her out right away, so I waited a month, asked if he was cool with it, and on the last day of school (I know, I know) asked her out to the movies and she said yes, she'd let me know when after she got home from her upcoming vacation.

Being a high school sophomore, I was ecstatic. She told me she'd let me know when I asked her out. Having no experience with girls, I literally thought that meant she'd let me know. So I sat around waiting that summer, and never got a call. Obviously I now know my mistake.

That following year she went away to college. When she came back to visit she told me playfully "You still owe me a movie." Embarrassed, I apologized but was still oblivious to what she was implying. I had a huge self-confidence problem back then and thought this girl was too far out of my league and that there was no way of me ever getting her. Oblivious, I did nothing.

The next year, our club began having annual reunions down at a pool hall. I wasn't obsessing over her then, I was chasing other girls, but I still had a form of one-itis that rekindled when I was with her. Anyway, that day after hanging out with her I decided what the hell, and called her up and asked her out for lunch. She said she would but she would (sounded happy about it) but she was busy that week and would let me know. Oblivious, I did nothing, and she didn't let me know. We remain friends, etc.

Fast forward to yesterday, our annual reunion. Out of five people, three were scheduled to attend. Me, her, and other guy who was "in love" with her. The other guy bailed like an hour before we were supposed to meet up. I told her he couldn't make it, she still showed up.

We had a great time. A lot of laughing, playing ping pong and having a great time. We talked about school etc and used a lot of our inside jokes. She asked if I wanted to get pizza and drinks after, we went and laughed. It wasn't perfect, there were a few slight awkward points because we ran out of things to talk about, but overall I think we both had a great time; followed up by a string funny texts. She also escalated physical contact and grabbed my arm a few times.

I realized that I have to make a decision here, and that's why I come to you GAF. Since yesterday I've been thinking about her a lot. I don't want to go through this every time I hang out with her, I either have to shit or get off the pot; ask her out so I don't feel regret for what could have been or just remain friendly and not expect/think anything will ever happen between us. With our history and my failure to follow up, is it worth it to ask her out again (she'll be in town for another ten days before going back to school)? I know I've done fucked up, but I really like this girl and would regret to have never known what could have been. I don't want to fuck up our friendship and make things more awkward though.

Apologies for the huge post GAF, but I wanted to put everything down to make it the most accurate as possible.

 

[IamMattFox]

Apologies for the huge post GAF, but I wanted to put everything down to make it the most accurate as possible.

You probably won't get much out of it if she lives elsewhere during much of the year for school, but there's no harm in asking.

 

[lawlohwhat]

Hi ManGaf,
post

Hey there, and welcome. It's nice to have a female perspective in here once in a while.

I agree with what's been said already. He's definitely not on the same page as you. You'll have to be very honest with yourself and ask if that's okay with you. Though he might not be hooking up with anyone else, there is a chance that he's on those sites to flirt/feel wanted/etc. Then again, he might just be a private person. I don't like the girls I date fishing around on my computer or phone, personally, even though I don't feel I have anything to hide.

Just to avoid just being a part of the echo chamber here, I'll add that I'm in a somewhat similar position on the opposite end. I've been seeing someone for seven months now and she's told me that she loves me, but I don't feel the same. I've been very forward with her from the beginning about it and I haven't been seeing anyone else, but it still comes up once in a while. I'm also someone who firmly believes that feelings are not expressed by words, but rather by actions, and in your case he might feel the same way.

The only thing you can do is have a serious talk and see if what he says satisfies you. If you still have big doubts after your conversation settles in over a couple weeks, then you might want to consider other options.

Good luck!

 

[Jhoan]

... It was my first kiss, too (yeah yeah, 25 year old virgin on gaf, what else is new?). So I'm going to try to meet up with her again after Christmas. Best part is, she's apparently moving to Toronto next year (where I live now).

So yeah. Good day.

Like a boss. Sometimes I feel like you. There is this hot girl my cousin is trying to hook me up with and she really likes me a lot but I such a low self esteem and self confidence about myself. I always say she deserves better and miss out on all the potential girls I could've had.

But to the bolded part:

Spoiler

I'm a 24 year old virgin. So don't feel bad.

I'm 23; never been kissed; virgin; there's plenty of virgins in this thread. But congrats Bananakin; I hope it all goes well for you.

Now for my problem/rant. So I sent a text to the girl that I went clubbing with last week (see my previous post in this thread a few pages back). She said she was writing a paper. I responded, but I never got a reply back although it was understandable given that she was busy. So fast forward a day later (I dunno why I asked looking back now), I asked her if she finished her paper; never got a reply back.

So here we are today, I came out of last final exam so I decided to swing by the lab where she works at. The problem is I was debating with myself whether or not to send her a text letting her know that I was there, or gone to the back to say hi. In the end, I decided not to. So at 6:30 she leaves and as stupid as it was because life isn't a Hollywood movie, I was hoping she would notice me on her way out and engage me. Apparently, that's not how life works; she passed right by me without noticing me.

So that in turn made me feel a bit down. I couldn't for the life of me focus on writing my paper. I left the lab feeling defeated and so I went to the library to get from that place. I ended up drawing out how I felt; if you guys want, I'll upload the picture upon request as soon as I get around to charging my phone, send it to my e-mail then proceed from there.

Any way, so I've been conflicted over the whole "let her come to you" thing. I'm hoping that she'll contact me at some given point, but I think that's wishful thinking. I haven't contacted her every day so don't worry guys; I'm not clingy.

So now if she doesn't contact me by the end of this week (well it is Christmas weekend, so I don't think she will; it's understandable), should I just throw in the towel and move on? Or should I contact her on Monday, get to the point and tell her that I want to hang out with her?

I have insecurity issues when it comes to these things (well it's because of lack of success with women), because I get worried when I feel a chick isn't interested in me; I don't know how high this chick's interest level in me is considering the fact that we mutually agreed to re-exchange numbers. Hell, I don't know what she wants from me; as I said in my last post, when I saw her last week she was playfully hitting me and I didn't reciprocate. Although if our last "date" is anything to go by, it's probably a clubbing buddy because she told me I was a good dancer despite despite us getting extremely physical (no kiss). I have self-esteem issues thinking that no chick would want to date me, much less talk to me (I'm a fairly handsome guy; ripped body from working out and 6'3).

/rant.

 

[KungFuBill]

It's been 7 months and this guy is 33. He needs to shit or get off the pot.

Funnily enough, my roommate is in a very similar situation. [/B] *story*

Thanks Soultron, it sounds eerily similar and Lawl, getting some perspective from someone on the opposite end of things also helps. I totally understand the desire for some privacy, to some extent it's necessary and I have mentioned this to him.

You guys pretty much said what I needed to hear and I did talk (again) about this last night. It's not something I was planning on keeping to myself as I don't want to get into keeping secrets so we had a conversation about it - well, I talked a lot and he listened and responded occasionally.

To sum it up, he says he isn't sure where we are going but I make him very happy and he would have told me by now if he didn't want to keep on being with me. He actually said last night (and I don't recall hearing this before last night) that he cares a lot for me, and his actions kind of backed that up. I *did* get a bit upset and instead of recoiling away he was very affectionate and I think realised exactly how I feel.

I stayed and having just got home, feel a lot better that things are all out in the open. I've got some gifts for Christmas, which I'll probably give Boxing Day and will see how things go then (it'll probably be the next time I see him properly as I'm staying with my mum etc over Christmas).

Things are a bit calmer in my head now, and although I'm not going to set a time limit on this I'm hoping that he will think a bit more about what he wants out of it now he knows how I feel.

I also agree with actions speaking louder than words. Actually, if that was all that mattered then it would be glaringly obvious that we are more than 'dating' - which is what confused me initially.

 

[soultron]

Bucket, I read your post on the last page (50 PPP FTW, MFers) and stopped at the point where you said, "I just need a catalyst." Let me say this short and sweet: you need to be the catalyst for change in your own life. Do not depend on anyone else for this. Do not wait. Everyone else is too concerned with their own life -- as they should be -- to swoop down from their own priorities to save you.

 

[EXGN]

You can't. People have a massive fear today toward strangers, because world is filled with psychos, murders, thiefs and so on. And I won't blame them for that attitude. You have to find a way to communicate with girls outside bars. My recipe here is: stop go to bars alone. It's useless. Partys are even more stupid. Unless you already know someone, it is impossible to speak or approach someone, outside if your face and body are as good as George Clooney or Brad Pitt. Which is of course not the case for 99.9% of people.

GUH. I know you're trying to help man, but... Well, I guess I can only speak on my past experience, but I've met a number of people (male and female) at bars. I went out with a girl for like 6 months that I met at a bar. Parties are even better because everyone at least has a common connection, so no one's a stranger (unless you don't know anyone, in which case - why are you there??).

I'm not sure why you believe that everyone is afraid of other people and don't like talking to others, but that really doesn't match up with my experience at all. I've lived in four different cities over the course of the past two years and find most people are approachable with the right mindset.

As to Combine's question about girls on the phone - I advised this to someone else earlier and it's really easy. Walk about to them and say something to the effect of "Hey, who are you talking to? Tell them a really attractive dude is trying to hit on you and you'll call them right back." It's ballsy and direct, and chicks love it.

 

[Schlep]

She was more beautiful than any woman I had ever been with or seen before. Unlike previous girl friends, she seemed to CARE about me, my family, how I felt about things. We could talk for hours about anything. I could make her laugh any time I wanted by saying something dumb. She could have any man she wanted but she had chosen me for that time during 2010 and I'll never forget it. What hurts me now isn't the fact I will never find anyone else, what hurts me is I will never meet someone like that, it was a one off. A fluke.

Sorry, but this is really bad thinking, and makes it pretty obvious why you would have trouble. You should flip this to, "Any girl I date needs to care about me, my family, how I feel about things, and should be able to hold a conversation for hours. She has to show that she wants to be with me and no one else." There are a decent number out there like that, but they are a smaller part of the pool to be sure, especially the younger they are. When you have requirements like that, random sex is easier (if that's what you want) and it makes you more attractive to them because they know you're with them due to who they are as a person, and not because you're just desperate for any play you can get.

Just my opinion.

 

[Cygnus X-1]

GUH. I know you're trying to help man, but... Well, I guess I can only speak on my past experience, but I've met a number of people (male and female) at bars. I went out with a girl for like 6 months that I met at a bar. Parties are even better because everyone at least has a common connection, so no one's a stranger (unless you don't know anyone, in which case - why are you there??).

I'm not sure why you believe that everyone is afraid of other people and don't like talking to others, but that really doesn't match up with my experience at all. I've lived in four different cities over the course of the past two years and find most people are approachable with the right mindset.

As to Combine's question about girls on the phone - I advised this to someone else earlier and it's really easy. Walk about to them and say something to the effect of "Hey, who are you talking to? Tell them a really attractive dude is trying to hit on you and you'll call them right back." It's ballsy and direct, and chicks love it.

Where do you live?

 

[EXGN]

Where do you live?

I've lived in Boston, Los Angeles, San Diego and Austin over the last two years.

 

[Mully]

Wow did I just regress big time.

I texted my ex yesterday to see if she wanted to meet up at the local diner a few days after Christmas and catch up. I really acted as if this was a casual meet up and basically told her to meet me there, rather than give her the option. Earlier today, I went to the dentist where I was told my wisdom teeth are going to be all surgically removed the day after Christmas, and I decided to again tell her that I'm changing our meetup date by a day, rather than ask her again.

I didn't want to "tell her", but I was reminded that I signed up for a newsletter on how to get your ex-girlfriend back last night. I normally just delete the e-mails, but I just got home from a date where nothing happened between an old fling and I. I was pretty upset and looked at the email. It spoke about setting up a meet up with your ex and how to do it. It stated that you should be almost forceful and tell her when.

I was really uncomfortable reading this, but it relaxed me a little. I basically just did that earlier that day to show that I was confident and here was a silly little robot e-mail that always advertised their subscription "Get Ex-Back System" that told me I was doing the right thing. When I did it today, I felt pretty confident that this would show her that I've changed. I sent her this multi text message telling her that I'm getting surgery and we're back the meet up by a day. I made sure I was forceful and in the end I felt so uncomfortable doing it but I sent it anyway.

She responded with a simple "K."

I knew she was pissed, but I let it go for the rest of the day until I was Christmas Tree shopping about two hours ago. There, I realized how much of a dick I looked like and how much I reminded her that I really didn't change. When I got drunk I would basically force her into listening to me.

Now I totally hate myself again and I just feel like I'm back at square one. I did all of these great things for me. I started to treat myself right. I was starting to move on. I went out with this beautiful girl and started my rebound streak. I even stopped looking at her Facebook and Twitter and felt amazing doing so. It fell apart an hour ago, and now I'm the same whiny Mully I was when I first posted about my breakup two months ago. =

All I want to do now is tell her how I really feel. Of course the thought of getting her back is still in my head, but I know that I don't control it now. Having said that, I don't want to misrepresent myself. I know I have changed and did so many great things in this time, but I just want to tell her that I recognized all of my faults, fears, ticks, and I'm seeing things in a whole new light. I want to tell her that the text messages from the past two days were not really me and that I'm a totally different person than what I lead her to believe from those texts.

I hate myself again at the moment and I feel like I'm back at square one.


EDIT:

Oh yeah. I'm starting to believe that she's starting to really like this frat kid that graduated with us from our high school and now goes to her college. I have a feeling it's just a rebound, but yeah really pissed off about that too.

 

[Cygnus X-1]

I've lived in Boston, Los Angeles, San Diego and Austin over the last two years.

It's not Zürich, Bern, Lugano, Lucern or Basel. Switzerland is very closed from this point of view. Italy, for example, already is more open. Especially the south.

 

[soultron]

Oh yeah. I'm starting to believe that she's starting to really like this frat kid that graduated with us from our high school and now goes to her college. I have a feeling it's just a rebound, but yeah really pissed off about that too.

You have to delete her from everything (phone, social networking, etc.) so you don't find out information like this.

Delete her number. Do not text her ever again. She's gone.

You're only punishing yourself if you text her or dig for information about her.

 

[ecurbj]

Mully, you mean to tell me you screwed everything up with that lady you went on a date with a few days ago with your a "back track moment" with your "ex"?

 

[Mully]

Mully, you mean to tell me you screwed everything up with that lady you went on a date with a few days ago with your a "back track moment" with your "ex"?

No no no. That's a different girl.

 

[ecurbj]

No no no. That's a different girl.

Ok. So the girl (the pic you posted two pages back) you went out with, you two are still seeing each other right?

 

[Biff]

No no no. That's a different girl.

I always wonder when I see girl-age replies that skip harsh real world posts to reply to posts that aren't important.

Do you not care about Soultron's advice? Because he hit the nail on the head.

 

[Mully]

Ok. So the girl (the pic you posted two pages back) you went out with, you two are still seeing each other right?

Yeah. We're still seeing each other.

 

[Mully]

I always wonder when I see girl-age replies that skip harsh real world posts to reply to posts that aren't important.

Do you not care about Soultron's advice? Because he hit the nail on the head.

Haha I do. I honestly try and not to reply to the things I'm still thinking about. I really think I should ignore her again, but it's tough. I'm kind of re-establishing contact and even though it's still distracting me, it's not as bad as I post it out to be.

Writing, or in this case posting is my way of letting my emotions out. I don't have any other outlet. I got into a huge fight with my mom today, and everything else came all at once. I made a mistake and acted out of character and that's what really messed around with me. I'm pretty understanding about her situation, because I'm in the same boat. I'm rebounding as well with no real emotion towards the other person. Writing helps me work everything out and come to an understanding about everything. If I didn't write, I'd be in the same position I was in 2 months back.

Sure I was whiny and a bitch during the post, but now I'm pretty happy. I have found my coping mechanism and it's really starting to help out. I'm still not sold on ignoring her again.

 

[soultron]

Haha I do. I honestly try and not to reply to the things I'm still thinking about. I really think I should ignore her again, but it's tough. I'm kind of re-establishing contact and even though it's still distracting me, it's not as bad as I post it out to be.

Writing, or in this case posting is my way of letting my emotions out. I don't have any other outlet. I got into a huge fight with my mom today, and everything else came all at once. I made a mistake and acted out of character and that's what really messed around with me. I'm pretty understanding about her situation, because I'm in the same boat. I'm rebounding as well with no real emotion towards the other person.

I'm going to be harsh here: don't fucking "re-establish" contact. There's no point other than self-flagellation, if you're into that.

You need to drop all contact with her or you'll never move on. Maybe in a year or two, when you're in a completely different place in life (and a different state of mind) it'll be cool to see her in public and catch up in a 5-minute conversation. But right now, so soon off the break up, you're not ready.

And another thing, don't weigh her down with your shit right now. That's your own responsibility. You know how all of the other dudes are posting in here, "Shit, her dumb-ass Ex won't leave her alone," you are that guy right now.

If you truly love and respect her, let her free. It's cliche as fuck, but give her space because she needs to get over this too.

 

[ecurbj]

MULLY!! Dude. You have such a beautiful girl look wise and personality wise right in front of you. Move on.

We can say it until we are blue in the face but that's all we can or I at least can give you. Your wasting your time. It's like you have that "I still have a chance if I make things right" mindset in the back of your head. Granted you have all these memories of your ex. But she is an ex for a reason. She is the past. Your focusing on your present and future. Thinking about the past can halt progress for you. And all these months and years passing you by because of a girl that affected you in a good way but now that she is moving on, your pissed as fuck. Which is normal. Don't read her mind and say that the dude she is seeing now is a "rebound". She could actually be in a sincere relationship with that frat.

Let her go. It will be something good for you and her. She let you go. It's your turn. Girls usually have this lingering effect that you are having. I'm not saying your a wuss but you need to man UP.

 

[NihonTiger90]

Well, bit of a surprise here, but I did get two responses to messages I sent the other day. I've replied to both but now I'm just sitting here waiting ... and seeing them pop online and not respond kind of worries me that it was a one-time deal. Maybe they were just trying to be nice and respond this once? I dunno, but I'm trying to keep my cool, of course.

EDIT: Shit, I probably cursed myself speaking about it. Messaging can be such a tricky thing sometimes.

 

[Mully]

I'm going to be harsh here: don't fucking "re-establish" contact. There's no point other than self-flagellation, if you're into that.

You need to drop all contact with her or you'll never move on. Maybe in a year or two, when you're in a completely different place in life (and a different state of mind) it'll be cool to see her in public and catch up in a 5-minute conversation. But right now, so soon off the break up, you're not ready.

And another thing, don't weigh her down with your shit right now. That's your own responsibility. You know how all of the other dudes are posting in here, "Shit, her dumb-ass Ex won't leave her alone," you are that guy right now.

If you truly love and respect her, let her free. It's cliche as fuck, but give her space because she needs to get over this too.

I thought I was over this, and I know I'm that guy right now. I wish I could shake it. I really wish I could. The emotional stress that comes with this is like a roller coaster. It's really tempting to talk to her, she's about a mile away from my house, she's within my group of old high school friends, and she was part of my life for a while.

I know your advice is by the book and probably the best way to go forward with this situation. Trust me, I've read the advice in the OP many times since the breakup. I also know that my feelings towards her right now are also cliche. I want her back because I truly feel that there is something still there. She loved me because I was compassionate, hard-working, romantic, extremely nice, and ambitious. She broke up with me because I started to be insecure when I had no reason to, I lost her trust, and I didn't believe in myself.

Since the breakup, I've progressed. I really don't need to reiterate, but for discussion's sake, I'm starting to learn how to cope with my insecurities, I've began to learn that I can't control everything and I can't become overtly upset about it, and I've learned that I'm a great guy. I feel that with this type of attitude with a clear mind and these things that I've learned, I'm the best guy her, or any other girl will ever meet.

I will take your advice and won't talk, look, or bat an eye at anything related to her. One of the things that I learned in my group and individual counseling is to take things a day at a time. I've used this technique for everything else, except for her. I'm going to take it a day at a time, but when that day comes when I feel good and I feel that my mind is at rest and clear, I will try to talk to her again. She may not be perfect, but I've had my fair share of girls and I'm tired of the single game. It's honestly too much work and I'd rather be in bed at 9PM on a Tuesday night eating Chinese take out with her while watching TV, than heading to the bar or going to a party.

 

[Bucket-o-roadkill]

Bucket, I read your post on the last page (50 PPP FTW, MFers) and stopped at the point where you said, "I just need a catalyst." Let me say this short and sweet: you need to be the catalyst for change in your own life. Do not depend on anyone else for this. Do not wait. Everyone else is too concerned with their own life -- as they should be -- to swoop down from their own priorities to save you.

Haha yeah I snuck the post in right on the end there. I feel I need to explain more because my post makes me sound like I'm sitting down waiting for my life to change while I sit on my ass doing nothing. I am trying to better myself, I'm working out and trying to broaden my social options, my cousins home for Xmas and ill be spending some time with him instead of my dead beat friends (one of which I saw has removed me from fb randomly. I work with him and see him every shift pretty and he's fine with me. wtf? Its hanging out with weird guys like this that fuck up my chances).

Anyway, the catalyst I'm referring to is something like a change of jobs. A better job to improve myself. I'm working a crappy job with shifty people at the moment while I try to get a better one. I apply for every computer,tech and admin job I can find at the mo but I'm not having much luck, hopefully in the new year things will pick up and ill get a clean break and a fresh start. That's the sort of catalyst I need. Just wanted to clear that up.

 

[NihonTiger90]

Well, quick update: One of the girls who messaged me back, I've struck up conversation with. The other one, I messaged earlier this evening and she's been online, but still awaiting a response.

Just gonna try to put the second girl out of my mind right now until she responds back to me, if she does, while I focus on the first girl. I just hope that's the right way to go about it. I feel like I'm somehow messing up.

 

[ConradCervantes]

Sigh, just dumped the girl I've been seeing for a few weeks. She's been pretty disrespectful to me all week, shitting on my happiness about getting a job interview when she had one ladt week and was never called back, just ending online conversations abruptly without saying good night or anything, and tonight capped it off by asking me to meet her to do some quick shopping at WalMart, then ditching me there without calling or texting me. When I called and asked what the hell happened, she just hemmed and hawwed until I said fuck it and hung up on her.

 

[soultron]

Sigh, just dumped the girl I've been seeing for a few weeks. She's been pretty disrespectful to me all week, shitting on my happiness about getting a job interview when she had one ladt week and was never called back, just ending online conversations abruptly without saying good night or anything, and tonight capped it off by asking me to meet her to do some quick shopping at WalMart, then ditching me there without calling or texting me. When I called and asked what the hell happened, she just hemmed and hawwed until I said fuck it and hung up on her.

Bullet dodged. Onto the next.

 

[Miguel]

Soooo... we went to go see The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo... why didn't I read the rest of the last 2 pages today.

...luckily it wasn't a first date, we're about 7 into this whole ordeal already... and she actually wanted to see it to. That scene was uncomfortable all the way around.

 

[Feep]

I don't normally post here, but this is an unfamiliar situation.

I've liked a girl for awhile, but she's had a boyfriend. I saw her every once in awhile, and in an attempt to prevent myself from being friend-zoned, I essentially flirted absolutely non-stop, anything I thought I could get away with. She was always playful and reactive, so it seemed okay, I guess.

Guy broke up with her a few days ago, and she seemed pretty crushed. I was originally planning to wait for awhile, but word on the street is some other guy (who, while significantly dumber and more boring than I am, is certainly better looking) is going to try to move in soon.

Halp!

 

[Kalnos]

Something different...

Do any of you have experience moving in with your SO (not marriage)? If so, is there any sort of advice you can share or anything I should look out for? This is a relationship of about 4-5 years. I'm excited but extremely nervous.

 

[Dina]

"You're sweet, you know that?"
Pause
Lean in
Kiss


Shit can be so easy at times. Keeps me wondering why I was struggling with this for a few dates.

 

[ConradCervantes]

Bullet dodged. Onto the next.

True, true. Too bad, though. When she wasn't being a bitch she was actually a lot of fun.

I have a New Years Eve party next week, so hopefully I'll be able to get back on the horse soon.

 

[JambiBum]

Something different...

Do any of you have experience moving in with your SO (not marriage)? If so, is there any sort of advice you can share or anything I should look out for? This is a relationship of about 4-5 years. I'm excited but extremely nervous.

Be prepared for a completely different living situation than what you are used to. You've been together for a while so that will make things easier but it's a whole new step in your relationship. Everything that you are used to doing your specific way will more than likely change. The best piece of advice I can give you without knowing anything about your actual relationship is when you say that you will do something, actually do it. This works both ways too. It's probably one of the largest reasons that relationships end once they get to that point. As long as you both do your best to do this you should be fine. As long as everything else is good of course. From my own relationships to watching friends move in with each other, this is probably the biggest issue most couples have. Find a system that works for you two and stick to it the best you can.

 

[Eggo]

Well, quick update: One of the girls who messaged me back, I've struck up conversation with. The other one, I messaged earlier this evening and she's been online, but still awaiting a response.

Just gonna try to put the second girl out of my mind right now until she responds back to me, if she does, while I focus on the first girl. I just hope that's the right way to go about it. I feel like I'm somehow messing up.

You seem to have the wrong mentality. You're awaiting a response and checking the girl's online status... why? You're barely on her radar. She doesn't care about you, so why do you care what she does? You seem too invested in these two when you should be reaching out to the next 5 girls who will respond to you, until you are busy with dates and choosing who you want to spend time with.

I want her back because I truly feel that there is something still there. She broke up with me because I started to be insecure when I had no reason to, I lost her trust, and I didn't believe in myself.

Guess what, you're still insecure, and she still has no reason to trust you, so why do you think it's going to be different now? You've changed? You're not insecure any more? Then why do you say things like this?

Oh yeah. I'm starting to believe that she's starting to really like this frat kid that graduated with us from our high school and now goes to her college. I have a feeling it's just a rebound, but yeah really pissed off about that too.

Why are you pissed that she's seeing someone else? You two broke up. If you're really her friend (which you claim to be as your excuse for reaching out to her), you should be happy that she's trying to move on. Encourage her to move on and better herself, while you do the same. If it was meant to be, you can reestablish contact in a year or two from now after things have cooled down, and then you can catch up and see where you are. I say this as someone who is still friends with an ex. I'm with someone else now, and she's happy for me. I encourage her to find others, and I'll be happy for her if she does. That's what friends do. They don't get jealous when they have no claim/reason to be jealous in the first place.

Soooo... we went to go see The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo... why didn't I read the rest of the last 2 pages today.

...luckily it wasn't a first date, we're about 7 into this whole ordeal already... and she actually wanted to see it to. That scene was uncomfortable all the way around.

Second guy in this thread who's made this mistake. If you're going to go on a movie date with a girl you're trying to get to know, pick a light-hearted movie, guys. Dumb comedy/something whimsical, not a serious movie with a rape scene. This should be common sense. Even if you don't know about the scene, it's not even the right genre for a date movie.

 

[Miguel]

Second guy in this thread who's made this mistake. If you're going to go on a movie date with a girl you're trying to get to know, pick a light-hearted movie, guys. Dumb comedy/something whimsical, not a serious movie with a rape scene. This should be common sense. Even if you don't know about the scene, it's not even the right genre for a date movie.

Well, it was date #7... I wouldn't have done a serious movie on the first few dates. Didn't make it any less uncomfortable, but we had a good time after.

One thing that's stuck in my head about this whole deal is that 2 of our dates she's been noticeably sick, but has continued with the date despite my suggestions to reschedule or something. She really does seem to enjoy being with me... sick or not. It's a nice feeling having someone go out of her way just to hang out with you... cause I'm usually the only one putting that kind of effort in.

 

[JambiBum]

Movies I've seen with the girl I have started dating: Muppets, Sherlock, and now Tin Tin.

The only movie that we actually planned to see was Tin Tin. We ended up watching the other two just as a way to spend more time together. We usually have a day planned out, and when those plans are done we don't want the day to end so we just go to a movie to spend more time together. Our dates have lasted anywhere from 3 hours to 12. With the average being around 8. Yesterday we spent 11 hours together just from dinner/shopping/movie.

I remember someone making a post about how going on an eight hour date was too long or something to that effect. When I read that I kind of just shook my head in disbelief. If both people are enjoying themselves and neither person wants the date to end then why should it? If you are looking for a serious relationship with someone that you will end up spending a lot of time with then you would want to know that you are comfortable spending a good amount of time with that person. Now if one person wants the date to end and the other one is just dragging it out then that is a completely different situation. But if both people are enjoying themselves then I see no reason why a date should end within a certain time limit.

 

[kid ness]

You probably won't get much out of it if she lives elsewhere during much of the year for school, but there's no harm in asking.

You're right, if anything I'll wait till she's done with undergrad to ask her out. Not gonna be hung up on her til then though.

 

[Eggo]

Movies I've seen with the girl I have started dating: Muppets, Sherlock, and now Tin Tin.

The only movie that we actually planned to see was Tin Tin. We ended up watching the other two just as a way to spend more time together. We usually have a day planned out, and when those plans are done we don't want the day to end so we just go to a movie to spend more time together. Our dates have lasted anywhere from 3 hours to 12. With the average being around 8. Yesterday we spent 11 hours together just from dinner/shopping/movie.

I remember someone making a post about how going on an eight hour date was too long or something to that effect. When I read that I kind of just shook my head in disbelief. If both people are enjoying themselves and neither person wants the date to end then why should it? If you are looking for a serious relationship with someone that you will end up spending a lot of time with then you would want to know that you are comfortable spending a good amount of time with that person. Now if one person wants the date to end and the other one is just dragging it out then that is a completely different situation. But if both people are enjoying themselves then I see no reason why a date should end within a certain time limit.

I'm a fan of keeping the first couple dates short (3 hours or so). It keeps you slightly mysterious and you don't run the risk of overstaying your welcome. If a guy is bad with women and doesn't know how to escalate, a long date where nothing happens physically is even worse, because then he runs the risk of losing her interest or ending up in the friend zone.

 

[JambiBum]

I'm a fan of keeping the first couple dates short (3 hours or so). It keeps you slightly mysterious and you don't run the risk of overstaying your welcome. If a guy is bad with women and doesn't know how to escalate, a long date where nothing happens physically is even worse, because then he runs the risk of losing her interest or ending up in the friend zone.

Oh definitely. If either person doesn't know how to keep a date going then it can just end up being a horrible date if you make it last. As long as both people know how to keep it interesting then I see no reason why a date shouldn't keep going.

 

[McLesterolBeast]

A long date is only as bad as you are boring.

 

[Minamu]

Rofl, sent a merry xmas text message to the wrong number and a girl responded with a who are you? Ended up talking for a while, but after she wanted to add me on facebook, it turns out she's 13 years old :lol Half my age.

Besides the obvious jokes that can be made about this, I think it proves just how different our attitudes toward facebook is around the world.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

Rofl, sent a merry xmas text message to the wrong number and a girl responded with a who are you? Ended up talking for a while, but after she wanted to add me on facebook, it turns out she's 13 years old :lol Half my age.

Besides the obvious jokes that can be made about this, I think it proves just how different our attitudes toward facebook is around the world.

Cut contact with her unless you want her parents after you.

 

[Pachimari]

This is not really dating related but it's starting to bother me right now.
Me and a girl from Norway agreed some months ago to have sex at the nintendo to Christmas. It wasn't planned she were going to sleep here the night after as well but so it happened one more time. But it's the time we spent hugging each other, whistling to each other, laughing and sleeping together, that I now miss, now that she has left.

There should not be any feelings involved, but I can't stop missing her. I don't love her I think, I just miss her. How can i make this easy on me? Oh well, just needed to get this out somewhere. =/

 

[daviyoung]

Me and a girl from Norway agreed some months ago to have sex at the nintendo to Christmas.

What?