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Girl/Dating Age Part 2: A combined effort to give advice for those in need

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L

l1nkown

Neo Member
Well some of my gf's closest friends are guys. She walks home with 4-5 other guys, whom they consider her a "bro".
When she's around me she acts like a girl. But today was the second time I decided to walk with them home, and I realized how much of a turnoff it was to see her act like a guy with her guy friends.

I felt uncomfortable walking with them, because they were all so close, they shared many past experiences, and are all in the same grade and talk to the same people. (i'm a senior, shes a sophmore) Then when we got to her house, we literally lined up, and she gave each of us a hug, one by one. It just felt so awkward seeing my girl hug 4 other guys infront of me infront of her house.

I really don't want to walk with her again, but I don't know how to say it to her without making it seem like I hate her friends and don't want to walk with them. I just feel uncomfortable and I don't like to see her act like a bro. What do I do?.
 
S

ShockingAlberto

Member
l1nkown said:
Well some of my gf's closest friends are guys. She walks home with 4-5 other guys, whom they consider her a "bro".
When she's around me she acts like a girl. But today was the second time I decided to walk with them home, and I realized how much of a turnoff it was to see her act like a guy with her guy friends.

I felt uncomfortable walking with them, because they were all so close, they shared many past experiences, and are all in the same grade and talk to the same people. (i'm a senior, shes a sophmore) Then when we got to her house, we literally lined up, and she gave each of us a hug, one by one. It just felt so awkward seeing my girl hug 4 other guys infront of me infront of her house.

I really don't want to walk with her again, but I don't know how to say it to her without making it seem like I hate her friends and don't want to walk with them. I just feel uncomfortable and I don't like to see her act like a bro. What do I do?.
Click to expand...
There's no good answer that doesn't involve a gif of pixelated sunglasses falling down in front of someone's face.

It never has been and never will be easy to ask a significant other to change something so (seemingly) fundamental about them. If you don't have a better reason than it just feeling awkward, your only choices really involve learning to live with it or finding someone who doesn't have guy friends in that same way.
 
S

soultron

Banned
l1nkown said:
Well some of my gf's closest friends are guys. She walks home with 4-5 other guys, whom they consider her a "bro".
When she's around me she acts like a girl. But today was the second time I decided to walk with them home, and I realized how much of a turnoff it was to see her act like a guy with her guy friends.

I felt uncomfortable walking with them, because they were all so close, they shared many past experiences, and are all in the same grade and talk to the same people. (i'm a senior, shes a sophmore) Then when we got to her house, we literally lined up, and she gave each of us a hug, one by one. It just felt so awkward seeing my girl hug 4 other guys infront of me infront of her house.

I really don't want to walk with her again, but I don't know how to say it to her without making it seem like I hate her friends and don't want to walk with them. I just feel uncomfortable and I don't like to see her act like a bro. What do I do?.
Click to expand...

Don't walk with her again then. Also, be glad you're the only dude who gets to touch her boobs.
 
H

Hypereides

Member
l1nkown said:
Well some of my gf's closest friends are guys. She walks home with 4-5 other guys, whom they consider her a "bro".
When she's around me she acts like a girl. But today was the second time I decided to walk with them home, and I realized how much of a turnoff it was to see her act like a guy with her guy friends.

I felt uncomfortable walking with them, because they were all so close, they shared many past experiences, and are all in the same grade and talk to the same people. (i'm a senior, shes a sophmore) Then when we got to her house, we literally lined up, and she gave each of us a hug, one by one. It just felt so awkward seeing my girl hug 4 other guys infront of me infront of her house.

I really don't want to walk with her again, but I don't know how to say it to her without making it seem like I hate her friends and don't want to walk with them. I just feel uncomfortable and I don't like to see her act like a bro. What do I do?.
Click to expand...

In this situation I'd say jealousy is a turn-off. Let it slide. Deal with it mang.
 
X

Xun

Member
RelentlessRolento said:
Its easy to give advice when you are not in the relationship. I think the past 10 years have been me helping friends with romance/love stuff but myself always being single. They keep asking me for advice since it seems to always work for them.


It is odd though how someone who never had much of relationships has the best advice for them.
Click to expand...
Pretty much yeah.

I basically fine-tuned his message, since he almost seemed too friendly in it.

I can give help but I can't take it into action myself at all.
 
T

TurboLibre

Member
l1nkown said:
Well some of my gf's closest friends are guys. She walks home with 4-5 other guys, whom they consider her a "bro".
When she's around me she acts like a girl. But today was the second time I decided to walk with them home, and I realized how much of a turnoff it was to see her act like a guy with her guy friends.

I felt uncomfortable walking with them, because they were all so close, they shared many past experiences, and are all in the same grade and talk to the same people. (i'm a senior, shes a sophmore) Then when we got to her house, we literally lined up, and she gave each of us a hug, one by one. It just felt so awkward seeing my girl hug 4 other guys infront of me infront of her house.

I really don't want to walk with her again, but I don't know how to say it to her without making it seem like I hate her friends and don't want to walk with them. I just feel uncomfortable and I don't like to see her act like a bro. What do I do?.
Click to expand...

Why did it bother you? Women often have guy friends and hugs are pretty standard for greetings/goodbys.
 
S

Sanky Panky

Banned
l1nkown said:
Well some of my gf's closest friends are guys. She walks home with 4-5 other guys, whom they consider her a "bro".
When she's around me she acts like a girl. But today was the second time I decided to walk with them home, and I realized how much of a turnoff it was to see her act like a guy with her guy friends.

I felt uncomfortable walking with them, because they were all so close, they shared many past experiences, and are all in the same grade and talk to the same people. (i'm a senior, shes a sophmore) Then when we got to her house, we literally lined up, and she gave each of us a hug, one by one. It just felt so awkward seeing my girl hug 4 other guys infront of me infront of her house.

I really don't want to walk with her again, but I don't know how to say it to her without making it seem like I hate her friends and don't want to walk with them. I just feel uncomfortable and I don't like to see her act like a bro. What do I do?.
Click to expand...

Either deal with it or become more bro than you bro girl with her bro bros. I'm sure it's hard as hell to relate to them, but claim your spot as part of the group. Hell, I'd walk with my girl in my arms if it makes you feel better.
 
L

l1nkown

Neo Member
Tkawsome said:
Why did it bother you? Women often have guy friends and hugs are pretty standard for greetings/goodbys.
Click to expand...

It bothered me because it was 6 guys, and one girl, my girl. And I know there's nothing wrong with hugging to say bye, but i'm just saying I didn't enjoy seeing it.

Sanky Panky said:
Either deal with it or become more bro than you bro girl with her bro bros. I'm sure it's hard as hell to relate to them, but claim your spot as part of the group. Hell, I'd walk with my girl in my arms if it makes you feel better.
Click to expand...

Yes it is hard, because I don't know any of them personally, and they often speak of other people they know, but I don't. Plus, they all have a "livelier" personality then me, they crack jokes, my girl laughs, while i'm on the side struggling to say anything worth hearing.

It was also apparent at times that she'd rather talk with her friends then be stuck in a one on one conversation with me while we were walking. It was really difficult talking to her.
I'm just going to tell her i'm busy and will just get a ride home early to do my work. Then try to avoid bringing up walking with her again. Hopefully she won't mind, and we can talk on the phone at home.
 
T

TurboLibre

Member
l1nkown said:
It bothered me because it was 6 guys, and one girl, my girl.
Click to expand...

Again, I'm not seeing the problem here. Hugs normally don't mean a thing unless they're overly long or touchy, most of the time they're just a friendly gesture. Try not to feel threatened by these guys and just remember, they're only her friends for a reason.
 
S

soultron

Banned
l1nkown said:
It bothered me because it was 6 guys, and one girl, my girl. And I know there's nothing wrong with hugging to say bye, but i'm just saying I didn't enjoy seeing it.



Yes it is hard, because I don't know any of them personally, and they often speak of other people they know, but I don't. Plus, they all have a "livelier" personality then me, they crack jokes, my girl laughs, while i'm on the side struggling to say anything worth hearing.

It was also apparent at times that she'd rather talk with her friends then be stuck in a one on one conversation with me while we were walking. It was really difficult talking to her.
I'm just going to tell her i'm busy and will just get a ride home early to do my work. Then try to avoid bringing up walking with her again. Hopefully she won't mind, and we can talk on the phone at home.
Click to expand...

Why not try getting social with her friends? Avoiding these kinds of situations isn't good for your development as a social being. You're running away, to put it bluntly.

You're not being a fun guy by doing this. You can't hog her when you're both out with friends, so don't try. She's having fun with her friends, so the best you can do is join in and try to have a good time. That's better than sulking and getting jealous. You can have one-on-one conversations with her when you're alone together or on the phone.
 
G

greenry

Member
l1nkown said:
It bothered me because it was 6 guys, and one girl, my girl. And I know there's nothing wrong with hugging to say bye, but i'm just saying I didn't enjoy seeing it.



Yes it is hard, because I don't know any of them personally, and they often speak of other people they know, but I don't. Plus, they all have a "livelier" personality then me, they crack jokes, my girl laughs, while i'm on the side struggling to say anything worth hearing.

It was also apparent at times that she'd rather talk with her friends then be stuck in a one on one conversation with me while we were walking. It was really difficult talking to her.
I'm just going to tell her i'm busy and will just get a ride home early to do my work. Then try to avoid bringing up walking with her again. Hopefully she won't mind, and we can talk on the phone at home.
Click to expand...

A girlfriend who felt that she owned me during social situations would not be my girlfriend for long.

Like soultron said, being able to interact with other people you don't know, socially, is an important life skill. Use this opportunity to learn.
 
A

Atramental

Banned
So it turns out one of my design classes is just me and 3 girls. (excluding my male instructor)

It's kinda weird... but I think I can use this class as an opportunity to practice my social skills when talking to the opposite sex. I think what also helps is that none of them interest me sexually so it's much easier to talk to these girls. And it's not that they are ugly or anything, they're just not my "type" so to speak.

Thoughts?
 
C

CatPee

Member
Atramental said:
So it turns out one of my design classes is just me and 3 girls. (excluding my male instructor)

It's kinda weird... but I think I can use this class as an opportunity to practice my social skills when talking to the opposite sex. I think what also helps is that none of them interest me sexually so it's much easier to talk to these girls. And it's not that they are ugly or anything, they're just not my "type" so to speak.

Thoughts?
Click to expand...

No better chance to practice.
 
U

Ultima_5

Member
Atramental said:
So it turns out one of my design classes is just me and 3 girls. (excluding my male instructor)

It's kinda weird... but I think I can use this class as an opportunity to practice my social skills when talking to the opposite sex. I think what also helps is that none of them interest me sexually so it's much easier to talk to these girls. And it's not that they are ugly or anything, they're just not my "type" so to speak.

Thoughts?
Click to expand...

Go for it. Never hurts to get some practice in. Plus since you're in such close quarters w/ them, it would probably be beneficial to be friendly anyway
 
A

Atramental

Banned
Ultima_5 said:
Go for it. Never hurts to get some practice in. Plus since you're in such close quarters w/ them, it would probably be beneficial to be friendly anyway
Click to expand...
Yeah, I won't have any trouble being friendly.

But I can tell that one of the girls is quite a... character. When we were coming up with names for our class's blog project some of her suggestions were:

"3 vaginas and 1 cock"
"6 tits and 2 balls"

>_>

I laughed but I was kind of taken aback.
 
T

threenote

Banned
She canceled the date at the last minute tonight. Which is fucking stupid since she suggested we go. She called me and said something came up with her friend and she had to go, and that she'd make it up tome. All I said was oh okay, and she kept asking if I was upset and I said nope. At least he had te decency to call me.

Welp time to move on.

edit: she double texted me apologizing saying she wish she could have seen me today. Not sure if I should reply right now.
 
G

greenry

Member
threenote said:
She canceled the date at the last minute tonight. Which is fucking stupid since she suggested we go. She called me and said something came up with her friend and she had to go, and that she'd make it up tome. All I said was oh okay, and she kept asking if I was upset and I said nope. At least he had te decency to call me.

Welp time to move on.

edit: she double texted me apologizing saying she wish she could have seen me today. Not sure if I should reply right now.
Click to expand...

NO!
 
K

~Kinggi~

Banned
threenote said:
She canceled the date at the last minute tonight. Which is fucking stupid since she suggested we go. She called me and said something came up with her friend and she had to go, and that she'd make it up tome. All I said was oh okay, and she kept asking if I was upset and I said nope. At least he had te decency to call me.

Welp time to move on.

edit: she double texted me apologizing saying she wish she could have seen me today. Not sure if I should reply right now.
Click to expand...

Ignore the shit out of her, thats what gaf has taught me. She'll want your penis so bad.
 
D

Danj

Member
ShockingAlberto said:
Every e-mail women get on dating sites is "Hey, that thing in your profile? I like it, too!"

Make your e-mail stand out. If she still isn't interested, then move on and don't dwell on it.
Click to expand...

When messaging people on OKCupid I try to ask them a question about something in their profile. This has been reasonably successful in eliciting responses, but then the problem I have is I have no idea how to proceed from there.
 
U

Ultima_5

Member
Atramental said:
Yeah, I won't have any trouble being friendly.

But I can tell that one of the girls is quite a... character. When we were coming up with names for our class's blog project some of her suggestions were:

"3 vaginas and 1 cock"
"6 tits and 2 balls"

>_>

I laughed but I was kind of taken aback.
Click to expand...

Ask her if she likes the smiths. I heard that works wonders

edit - shit. never mind, soultron made the smiths joke already on this page. disregard my advice.
 
R

RelentlessRolento

Member
Xun said:
Pretty much yeah.

I basically fine-tuned his message, since he almost seemed too friendly in it.

I can give help but I can't take it into action myself at all.
Click to expand...

I can totally relate. Just work with yourself. Risks are more worth it than never knowing, plus i've learned that hitting up girls (slowly over time or "right moment" times) and gettng to know if there is interest there helps a ton and frees you up if you find out one girl dosn't care for you, then your free to focus more on a girl who does ^_^

Went to a social bar gathering for a majority of the divisions that never see each other in the arts (studio art, theater, dance, music, etc) and bumped into a few girls I barely knew when I came to school and still barely know but chat too off and on. Talked with them and we had a good time plus they introduced me to some of their girlfriends... it was a huge night of geting to know new girls and other girls better.

I still want to see if I can get something off the ground with this coworker of mine I've never talked to since we just started work -_-
 
S

soultron

Banned
threenote said:
I texted her back like an hour later saying "no worries, hope everything is OK."

she replied by saying she would rather be with me, but her guy friend "needed someone here for him."

I'm obviously not going to reply to that horseshit. I just got canceled on so she can console a dude? (she calls him someone like her brother, he's even listed as her brother on fb)

But all this shows is that I'm second string to her.

funny enough, I hung out with a hot ass chick today at the beach, and she checked me in on facebook. That should get her boiling.
Click to expand...

threenote, you've let this spin out of control. It's getting you upset.

Calm yourself. There are plenty more women out there who won't flake on you for some dude who isn't man enough to handle his own shit and make a girl bail on a date. I suggest you put this girl on the backburner while you try and find someone who doesn't have soft male friends who demand her time.
 
D

Danielsan

Member
Well tonight is date night again. Looking forward to it, except for the part where I just got a cold 2 days ago which seems to be getting worse. Me constantly sniffing and blowing my nose to prevent snot from leaking out probably won't leave the best impression. :lol
 
T

threenote

Banned
soultron said:
threenote, you've let this spin out of control. It's getting you upset.

Calm yourself. There are plenty more women out there who won't flake on you for some dude who isn't man enough to handle his own shit and make a girl bail on a date. I suggest you put this girl on the backburner while you try and find someone who doesn't have soft male friends who demand her time.
Click to expand...

You're right. I want to blame her inexperience, but she also has a tendency of being incredibly inconsiderate to me and I've just noticed it now ( I won't list the things in public). I'm going to ignore her until she learns to respect me.
 
I

Idde

Member
threenote said:
You're right. I want to blame her inexperience, but she also has a tendency of being incredibly inconsiderate to me and I've just noticed it now ( I won't list the things in public). I'm going to ignore her until she learns to respect me.
Click to expand...

Dude...you're becoming really upset about someone you're supposed to like/feel good about. Sorry, but what is the big deal? She sent several apologies, told you she'd make it up to you and asked if you were upset. To which you said no. While you apparently really are.

Do you have any idea what's wrong with the other guy? Perhaps someone died. If it's someone she's really close to and something really important happened to him, you wouldn't understand if she wanted to be there for him?

What if something happened to a good friend of yours and you had a date planned. You assured the datee you'd rather be with her but something really important came up, asked if the datee was ok with it and apparently she was.

If she really is inconsiderate more often then this I'd understand, but so far you seemed pretty thrilled with the girl. You appear pretty pissed, kinda bitter and passive aggressive now.
 
T

threenote

Banned
Idde said:
Dude...you're becoming really upset about someone you're supposed to like/feel good about. Sorry, but what is the big deal? She sent several apologies, told you she'd make it up to you and asked if you were upset. To which you said no. While you apparently really are.

Do you have any idea what's wrong with the other guy? Perhaps someone died. If it's someone she's really close to and something really important happened to him, you wouldn't understand if she wanted to be there for him?

What if something happened to a good friend of yours and you had a date planned. You assured the datee you'd rather be with her but something really important came up, asked if the datee was ok with it and apparently she was.

If she really is inconsiderate more often then this I'd understand, but so far you seemed pretty thrilled with the girl. You appear pretty pissed, kinda bitter and passive aggressive now.
Click to expand...
Nothing happened to her friend, I think he's dealing with something and needed her to console him. When she called to cancel, she told me a friend called her and needed her--that's it. That's why I got really upset. I'm not going to show her I'm upset because that would make me look weak and childish. But I do suspect she has feelings for this guy, and I've felt this way before.


I definitely am passive aggressive though, and that's something I've had to deal with in my life.
 
H

Hypereides

Member
threenote said:
You're right. I want to blame her inexperience, but she also has a tendency of being incredibly inconsiderate to me and I've just noticed it now ( I won't list the things in public). I'm going to ignore her until she learns to respect me.
Click to expand...

Get a hobby. Hang out with your blood brothers. Start running. Change your lifestyle. You need some endorphines.

Positive emotions breed positive experiences. If you give in to her, you lose.

Got this quote from Boondock Saints that fits pretty well here.

Now, we must all fear evil men. But there is another kind of evil which we must fear most, and that is the indifference of good men.
Click to expand...

Live strong compadre.
 
I

Idde

Member
threenote said:
Nothing happened to her friend, I think he's dealing with something and needed her to console him. When she called to cancel, she told me a friend called her and needed her--that's it. That's why I got really upset. I'm not going to show her I'm upset because that would make me look weak and childish. But I do suspect she has feelings for this guy, and I've felt this way before.


I definitely am passive aggressive though, and that's something I've had to deal with in my life.
Click to expand...

The first bolded: Yet you are acting on being upset and saying: "I will ignore her until she starts to respect me." How will she know what she did to disrespect you when you're not telling her/showing her? How will she know how to respect you if you're not making that clear? She can't read your mind, nor is it fair to expect that of her.

The second bolded: How long has she been friends with this guy? Have they both been single during the same time? If yes, did they hook up in any way? If no, why should they now she's dating someone?

Everybody has a circle of friends, some of which can be very close. They can be perceived as a threat when you start dating someone. But it's pretty unreasonable to expect her to drop her friends if she's just started dating someone. For multiple reasons.

Getting so upset when something like this happens isn't good for yourself and I think not good for a future relationship. Again: if she flakes on you every couple of dates I understand. But if something really happened to her friend and this is a one time thing...I wouldn't sweat it.
 
L

Locke_211

Member
Danj said:
When messaging people on OKCupid I try to ask them a question about something in their profile. This has been reasonably successful in eliciting responses, but then the problem I have is I have no idea how to proceed from there.
Click to expand...

What sort of things do you chat about with male friends?

I would say something about my day, something funny that happened, something interesting I saw on a website or a book. Say what you think about it and ask them what they think about it. Ask them what happened during their day, whether they're reading anything interesting, seen anything good on TV, etc.
 
M

Miguel

Member
threenote said:
Nothing happened to her friend, I think he's dealing with something and needed her to console him. When she called to cancel, she told me a friend called her and needed her--that's it. That's why I got really upset. I'm not going to show her I'm upset because that would make me look weak and childish. But I do suspect she has feelings for this guy, and I've felt this way before.


I definitely am passive aggressive though, and that's something I've had to deal with in my life.
Click to expand...
I feel like I wrote this based on the past week. I got worked up about something similar And flipped ...we've talked it out and we're fine again, but it was a rocky few days. It comes down to whether you're willing to put faith into someone not being deceitful. some make it difficult to do so, just depends on your situation. But if you're going to continue to be suspicious, it's going to lead you down a path where you're looking for anything And every thing And drive yourself nuts.

Ill clarify if it doesn't make sense when I'm more awake And not on my phone
 
H

Hydrogen Bluebird

Member
Just wanted to ask, is being attracted another girl and wishing that she was your gf instead enough reason to end a relationship? I mean, what's the point if a guy isn't really satisfied w/ his current relationship right?
 
A

Attackthebase

Member
Hydrogen Bluebird said:
Just wanted to ask, is being attracted another girl and wishing that she was your gf instead enough reason to end a relationship? I mean, what's the point if a guy isn't really satisfied w/ his current relationship right?
Click to expand...

Yeah, it sounds like you're becoming a tad bored with your current relationship. Would I say to end it? Maybe. Depends on a few variables: are you attracted to another girl because she is good-looking, or are you attracted to the full package (i.e. looks and personality)?

If it's the former, I would say this is actually natural (maybe not to the extent of wanting a relationship). When I'm dating other women, I still find other girls attractive, just the way men are programmed.

If it's the latter, then you might have a true problem, and you should assest your current relationship to see if you are truly enjoying it, or if it simply convenience to be in it. If it's the latter, you should probably break it off.

Wait for others' opinions before simply sticking to mine.
 
G

greenry

Member
threenote said:
Nothing happened to her friend, I think he's dealing with something and needed her to console him. When she called to cancel, she told me a friend called her and needed her--that's it. That's why I got really upset. I'm not going to show her I'm upset because that would make me look weak and childish. But I do suspect she has feelings for this guy, and I've felt this way before.
Click to expand...

If I read your past posts right, you have only been on four dates with this girl. Four dates. That is nothing. On the fourth date I am more focused on taking her back to my place, rather then if she might have feelings for other people. You are not her long term boyfriend, don't act like it.

It sounds like, to me, that you fell especially hard for this girl. You said ...

threenote said:
We were making out and I told her I have a lot of feelings for her since she asked. I asked her how she was feeling, and she said she had a lot of feelings and that she likes me. I had to drag it out of her though. She's very shy.
Click to expand...

You should not have to "drag out" that kind of response. If she felt the same way she would say it and not have to be coerced into it. Put this on the back burner and move on. I'm going to guess you don't have much experience dating. But that is alright, now is the perfect time to go out there and date more people.
 
N

number47

Member
RelentlessRolento said:
Upgrade to UMvC3 and you should be good. She'll be all OTG once you pull out your Firebrand and she goes all Wesker on it with her BnB.
Click to expand...

Thats the problem with guys these days. You are thinking what everyone else is doing. You need some new technology. Why not some tenderizering with S.S. then explode with a
INFERNOOOOOO.(all over her face)
 
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