-
Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.
Girl/Dating Age Part 2: A combined effort to give advice for those in need
- Thread starter -PXG-
- Start date
- Status
Attackthebase
Member
I hope you brought back an awesome success story!
FilthyLies
Member
Good shit bro thanks.
Attackthebase
Member
Dating someone clinically depressed will make you extremely depress too. The people you date (or even hang) around with directly affects your own personality and view on life.
ShockingAlberto
Member
Be it men, women, friends, and acquaintances, you always want to try to surround yourself with positive, motivated people. You'll share a lot of common traits with those you choose to associate yourself.
If you want to be miserable, stay with this woman. Remember that it's not your job to save her.
In such a fucked mood right now.
Ex is constantly hounding me to catch up. She has a boyfriend. I now have a GF and I hate the concept of starting a relationship while being friends with Exes. I hate it when girls talk about their exes, so why should I think I can do the same with to my girlfriend? Treat others as you wish to be, as the saying goes. (I realize now that I should've given her more space -- and not spoken with her -- in her new relationship, but apparently her BF is fine with her talking with all of her exes.)
I phone my Ex and logically lay it out. "I don't hate you or dislike you, but you have to understand that I have a GF now and I don't think it's a good look for me to be buddy buddy with you and be calling you on the phone. I figured I'd at least dignify your calls with a call back to explain this, however. I could've been an asshole and just emailed you. Or never answered at all."
She fucking gives me the biggest guilt trip. "You broke up with me because you didn't have time to have a GF." And she starts crying. It's true that back then I didn't have time for a relationship (with someone like her; needy and very insecure) but now things are very different for me. Not only am I in a different career and have switched from university to college, I'm dating someone who's much more independent and demands less of my time/attention. I'm in a better place in my life.
The thing is that I still care for my Ex and it fucking sucked to make her cry like that. I don't love her anymore, but I hate making girls cry. I was very blunt and to the point with her, still.
EDIT: Thank you, Eggo.
Ex is constantly hounding me to catch up. She has a boyfriend. I now have a GF and I hate the concept of starting a relationship while being friends with Exes. I hate it when girls talk about their exes, so why should I think I can do the same with to my girlfriend? Treat others as you wish to be, as the saying goes. (I realize now that I should've given her more space -- and not spoken with her -- in her new relationship, but apparently her BF is fine with her talking with all of her exes.)
I phone my Ex and logically lay it out. "I don't hate you or dislike you, but you have to understand that I have a GF now and I don't think it's a good look for me to be buddy buddy with you and be calling you on the phone. I figured I'd at least dignify your calls with a call back to explain this, however. I could've been an asshole and just emailed you. Or never answered at all."
She fucking gives me the biggest guilt trip. "You broke up with me because you didn't have time to have a GF." And she starts crying. It's true that back then I didn't have time for a relationship (with someone like her; needy and very insecure) but now things are very different for me. Not only am I in a different career and have switched from university to college, I'm dating someone who's much more independent and demands less of my time/attention. I'm in a better place in my life.
The thing is that I still care for my Ex and it fucking sucked to make her cry like that. I don't love her anymore, but I hate making girls cry. I was very blunt and to the point with her, still.
EDIT: Thank you, Eggo.
Don't talk to her. Don't talk to her. Don't talk to her. Don't talk to her. Don't talk to her. Don't talk to her. Don't talk to her. Don't talk to her.
Won't be anymore, I made that clear with her. She didn't handle the news well.
Doesn't matter because I won't be talking to her again. I wished her all the best.
I tried the "being friends" thing with her since she was the only Ex I could respect after the break, but this, as it turned out, was a mistake. Things haven't changed for me as a person. I still can't do friends with Exes. Especially when I'm in a relationship.
We're getting there, yes.
I'd like you all to know that I've PM'd duckroll about the possibility of starting the new OT over in Community. This would do a few things:
-> Keep lurkers out of your personal endeavours
-> Respect the fact that the female discussion threads were tucked away into Community, let's follow suit because we're a similarly themed thread.
-> Free up the Off-Topic front page for more interesting topics
I hope you're all okay with this and respect the fact that I've maintained transparency with you.
I don't get it, what's wrong with hanging out with your ex when both of you are in relationships? I've done it. My gf has gone with us and given blessing she's not there, and there were no problems. I let my gf hang out with her ex when we were together. If you're confident in your relationship, then I don't see what the problem is. Put it another way, do you stop seeing your friends when you meet a new girl? Then if your ex is truly a friend, why would you stop hanging out with her?
manipulate
Member
Not the worst idea but will probably have less people popping in..
ShockingAlberto
Member
Lurkers can see Community.
I think it would probably kill activity, but I guess if guys need help they can easily seek it out.
Sounds great
I intend to keep OT3 my last thread on this. By the end of OT3 I hope I won't need to read the OT4 basically.here's my first rant for this thread, im sure im speaking for a lot of guys out there when i say:
girls that think they are queens, princesses, divas, bitches and think it's 'cool' to think and act this way are effin rediculous! hahahaha i just laugh in their faces and give them no love or attention which they are dying for.
it's like girls think they got something on us where we gotta cater to them, effed up mentality out there right in some parts of california.
they can continue to think that way when they are 5s and think they are 7s or 8s, good luck to that and wanna commit suicide when they are 30 and single and no one wants em. hahahaha
girls that think they are queens, princesses, divas, bitches and think it's 'cool' to think and act this way are effin rediculous! hahahaha i just laugh in their faces and give them no love or attention which they are dying for.
it's like girls think they got something on us where we gotta cater to them, effed up mentality out there right in some parts of california.
they can continue to think that way when they are 5s and think they are 7s or 8s, good luck to that and wanna commit suicide when they are 30 and single and no one wants em. hahahaha
Jamesfrom818
Banned
Picture for the new thread.
Don't be this guy:
Don't be this guy:
Shoot. I thought lurkers couldn't see Community. Did it used to be that way at one time?
I guess I haven't fully sorted it in my head. I'm definitely over her. But I think she was holding out hope that I'd come back and that constantly caused friction in her friendship. She'd constantly try to trip down memory lane with me. "We used to have so much fun when we were together...," etc.
Also, guilt tripping me even when we weren't in a relationship didn't make me excited to text/call her back whenever she did.
Maybe she just wasn't my friend. That's what I'm starting to think. Or, maybe I didn't want to be friends with her. Partly because of the reasons I broke up with her.
I guess I should edit my rant down and remove the parts where I advise people against it. It's just not for me, in this particular instance (with this particular ex), right now. Maybe if she grew out of her nasty habits we could be friends later down the line. She was my most current relationship too, if that helps making sense of things. She's been in two relationships during the year since the break up, and we only dated for a year.
I don't stop seeing my friends when I'm with a new girl, no. Neither would I expect that of my GF. I think of my self as being a very secure person, but I don't know how I'd feel about my GF hanging with an ex constantly. If it had been years and I met the guy, I'd more than likely be okay with it.
I think things went pretty well. Had a really fun evening. She seems genuinely great and interested in me. We also seem to have plenty of shared interests and similar views on life. We stayed till closing time. All the other customers had already left and the employees were already cleaning up the place around us. I'd like to think that's a good sign. Around 10 minutes after we left she texted me to thank me for the night and to wish me a good night.
My only quip is that her mother needed the car yesterday evening and her bike is apparently broken at the moment, which meant that her mother both brought her and picked her up. When we left the café her mother was already waiting in the car right in front of us, which made for an awkward good bye. And just to make sure you guys don't get any wrong ideas. She turns 20 in March.
Have yet to set up a follow up date, but I'll probably get to that before tonight. Hopefully to be continued.
Pick her up. Problem solved. Not anything worth focusing on, although I'm sure you mean it in the sense that you couldn't make a move. So just pick her up next time. At least that way you can pretend you're not being stared at.
I'd love to, but I don't have a car. Regardless, it's not much of an issue. I just was a little awkward for the both of us that her mom was right there as we closed the door behind us.
And yeah, I couldn't/didn't want to make a move with her mom staring right at us through the windshield. If there is a follow up date I'll make sure that this situation won't reoccur.
Do you guys have any suggestions for a second date? I was actually thinking dinner at my place, but maybe that's too forward and will make me come off as someone who desperately wants to get her my bed as soon as possible. Now mind you, I definitely wouldn't mind sleeping with her sooner rather than later, but this girl seems like relationship material. I don't want to botch it up by appearing to have a really shallow agenda.
LordPhoque
Banned
Wtf ? Isn't community for gaming only ?
No, recently it's been opened up for slower moving "sub-GAF" threads.
GAF. I'm desperate. I need help.
I need to boost my confidence. I'm such a goddamn pussy it pisses me off to no ends. I have problems approaching women for the first time. Once I manage to do that I do fine but then I'm not able to seal any deals and usually end up friendzoned. I WANT TO FIX IT. HALP!
I need to boost my confidence. I'm such a goddamn pussy it pisses me off to no ends. I have problems approaching women for the first time. Once I manage to do that I do fine but then I'm not able to seal any deals and usually end up friendzoned. I WANT TO FIX IT. HALP!
Tell us about yourself, for a start.
27 year old sarcastic software developer. I'm about 5'10" and around 60kg. Women in general 'like' me but they never seem to be attracted to me (or are and I screw it up). When I was younger I was fairly successful with girls but then I kinda went through two back to back long relationships (2.5 and 3.5 years respectively) and I lost it after that.
What more details would be useful?
What more details would be useful?
As we always recommend, try picking up social hobbies that involve special interest groups. Try taking dancing classes, coed sports, etc.
You'll meet people, practise social skills, and even meet women.
One of the key things you probably want to improve upon is simply talking to people.
Start working out too. You'll feel great, get fit, and look better for it.
Scour the OP for some more general tips.
I'd just like to point out that I really have no problem talking with women once the conversation starts. I just don't have the confidence or know-how to move from a conversation onto something more intimate.
I'd like to start working out again but unfortunately at the moment it just isn't possible until I settle down in my new place, because I've got tons of stuff to finish at home and am exhausted by the end of the day. I don't see the point in halfassedly going once a week or so, so I'll just wait until I'm all settled before I can start.
I'd like to start working out again but unfortunately at the moment it just isn't possible until I settle down in my new place, because I've got tons of stuff to finish at home and am exhausted by the end of the day. I don't see the point in halfassedly going once a week or so, so I'll just wait until I'm all settled before I can start.
You've got a great conversation right there, you're new in town and don't know what's fun, where's good to eat, etc.
Don't feel like you're getting old because you can dip lower (or even higher) into the age range of women out there. You're not limited to dating women your age. So don't try that excuse. Realise this and it'll release a lot of pressure.
Also, remember that not every conversation with women has to end with you getting a number or asking for a date. The point of talking to a woman you're interested in is to see if she's still interesting past her looks. You can figure out pretty quickly if a woman is interested in you by looking for positive body language and rapport. I'm not talking about pick up artist lingo here, either; if a woman seems like she's having a good time talking with you, she's probably interested. Furthermore, if you're having also good time talking to her, it means it's a great time to ask her out. You're still going to crash and burn, but that's part of the process and it only makes you better at it. You'll fear rejection less over time as this happens, most importantly.
Wait until you're settled in at home, certainly. But try setting a deadline for yourself when you're going to have your shit sorted out at home. This has two benefits: you're done your "chores"/settling faster and you can start at the gym sooner. This all cascades into getting on your way quicker. You don't want to waste time.
I'd say that trying to get better with women should start first with a lot of self-improvement. Try to become a more efficient, more focused, better dressed, and a confident man. Things get much easier when you've got yourself sorted out and kicking ass. Then it's just a matter of setting yourself loose on the world.
Do you have something physical to do around? Don't mean armwrestling or kickboxing...but shooting pool, going bowling or playing midget golf? Do you have an ice skating rink? (apparently several studies have shown a correlation between hightened physical activities and people falling in love!) Or go strolling around the beach (not too cold in Den Helder right?)
Physical activities seem like a pretty good idea. Sadly there isn't an ice skating around in town and it might just be me, but bowling and midget golf give me a "teenager date" vibe. They're great fun with a group of friends, but 1 on 1? Shooting pool could be a great idea, it allows for physicality and we can still drink and talk. Might have to inquire if she enjoys pool. Best case scenario she enjoys it but is bad at it.
As for strolling around the beach. It doesn't really seem like the right time of year. Too much wind and though it's not exceptionally cold I wouldn't say it's exactly nice outside either.
Not going to lie. I know I mentioned it in this thread at some point in time, but someone mentioning the city I live in out of the blue kinda freaked me out there.
Either way, thanks for the suggestions!
Haha, unfortunately, that's not as good a conversation as you might think. Malta is a very small island and everywhere is basically 15 mins away, and there's basically one place where people congregate (at least during winter) which is a stretch of road with clubs/bars/etc.
Nah, I'm cool with my age. Not particularly worried about it.
Oh no, I'm usually very gentlemanly when speaking to women. I know my bounds and try to figure out if I'm bothering them so I'll leave them alone. My female friends say "I'm too nice".
I actually moved in between christmas and new year and had a kickass nye/housewarming party. It was supposed to be the highest my confidence would ever be and [girl-i-like-a-lot] was there and I didn't even have the courage to make my move even though pretty much everyone was intoxicated. Bah.
Edit: I am listening to what you're saying and will do my best to follow your advice. I'm just trying to explain my situation a little bit better.
Oh no, I'm usually very gentlemanly when speaking to women. I know my bounds and try to figure out if I'm bothering them so I'll leave them alone. My female friends say "I'm too nice".
You're probably boring when talking to women, in this case.
Women are not special creatures that you have to worry about bothering them. They're just people. Some might turn into friends, others potential dates (and more, down the line), and some you'll never see again in your life.
Make them laugh. Have fun. Tell bad jokes. Have fun. Ask them questions so they talk about themselves. People love to talk about themselves. Have fun.
Worry about being fun if you're worried about anything.
If they're easily bothered by an awesome dude like you, they're probably not worth your time anyway. Besides, if you bother one away, there are millions more. Maybe they're off the island, but they're certainly out there.
I'm tired so I'm sorry if this comes off as incoherent rambling.
This is highly probable actually. Usually I give off a better impression when I'm a group with people (even if most of them are new people) because I'm constantly joking and I tend to have a witty response for what most people are saying and I like to argue when I know I'm right. It's basically like being on GAF. It's usually all very friendly and it has the effect of making people go out of their way to prove me wrong and celebrate excessively when I am (again, all in good fun).
All that disappears into thin air when it goes down to a one-on-one situation though. I can't explain why it happens. It's like I'm afraid I'll offend or constant paranoia that I'll overstep my boundaries or fear that they'll think I'm weird if they don't get my jokes. I basically start overthinking, which is when I lose all my confidence.
Don't worry, I'm paying attention to what you're saying and you're making sense. I really appreciate your time as well. Truly a heroic member
Edit: Woo! Username change!
What was your name before?
Eh, I think bowling is always fun, but then again...I'm only 25
I'll concede on the midget golf though. And personally I also like walking on the beach if it's windy and a bit cold. More of a autumn thing, but since this winter doesn't seem to know it's a winter yet...And sorry about mentioning the town you live in. I kinda remember everything people say and since your hometown sounds so exotic to me that goes double
About that; a lot of girls here really sound surprised when you remember things they say. I've come across multiple people who I spoke to for twenty minutes. One of them works at an airport, when I asked her if any planes crashed lately she seemed almost..impressed. Guess it has something to do with guys just chatting girls up in an attempt to get laid, and instantly forgetting everything ...
All that disappears into thin air when it goes down to a one-on-one situation though. I can't explain why it happens. It's like I'm afraid I'll offend or constant paranoia that I'll overstep my boundaries or fear that they'll think I'm weird if they don't get my jokes. I basically start overthinking, which is when I lose all my confidence.
Don't worry, I'm paying attention to what you're saying and you're making sense. I really appreciate your time as well. Truly a heroic member
Edit: Woo! Username change!
I just had a great dinner date last night. The actual date lasted four and a half hours. And there wasn't a gap in conversation. I'm by no means a great conversationalist. But as soultron says, asking questions and being observant is the way to go. Almost every question someone answers can lead to another question or another subject. And if you're truly interested in the other person you shouldn't really have to try. It should be pretty natural.
Also, and perhaps this sounds stupid, but having a glass of wine or a beer before I go out on a date really loosens me up for obvious reasons. If you're having trouble with nerves a drink really wouldn't hurt.
To be honest I often ask girls to come over to my place to have dinner. It has a lot of advantages:
1) you are in your own place, so you are comfortable
2) it's private
3) you can make dinner for her, which always gets a lot of appreciation
4) since it's your place there are a lot of subjects to talk about, because a lot of things in your house have a story
Dunno, never really had a problem with it and always found it to be a very good dating option.
Yeah, I've been mulling over my other options and I still think dinner at my place would be a great option. I also know she's a huge movie buff (as am I), so if things go well I could make it dinner and a movie at my place.
Edit: She's said yes to a second date. Good stuff.
CherryWoodFuton
Member
I'm 20 pages into it and I must say this should be required reading for all of Girl-age GAF.
I tend to love chatting with women actually and pay attention. I don't like to feign interest but luckily I get genuinely interested in what I hear most of the time.
The problem is quite the opposite. Most occasions I get to meet women I get pretty hammered. I probably need to find my sweet spot when I'm loose and relaxed and just stop. I haven't been on an actual proper date in ages [spoilers](read: years)[/spoiler] though.
Link-age?
CherryWoodFuton
Member
seattle6418
Member
Check your pm....don't wanna get banned again
Hey, i need this link too, if it´s possible.
Thanks in advance.
Have to make something out of 2012. Can´t end another year single again.
CherryWoodFuton
Member
I don't want to turn this thread into link begging so if anyone needs the link just pm me
So i've been bored as hell with the girls at my local school recently, too many of them know me and i've been trying to expand the kind of girls i'm gettin at. Had some success at bars and clubs, but i thought i'd give online shit a try at the urging of a friend... having some fun on okcupid just popping random shit :lol: still dont know if i'd ever do the meetup tho
- Status