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[dskillzhtown]

I feel like those of you who aren't comfortable hanging out with members of the opposite sex or their significant other doing the same have some glaring trust/insecurity issues. It has never been a problem for me. Trust your partner until they give you a reason not to, not the other way around.

I don't have "glaring trust issues". I just have an idea of what I want my relationship to be and that ain't it. If it works for you, then more power to you. It doesn't work for me but isn't the sign of any issues. Flip the tables, because you are fine with your girl hanging out with men everyday of the week then do you have just the opposite issues? Are you totally naive and trust too much? Throwing around "glaring issues" is a bit irresponsible, IMO.

 

[dskillzhtown]

No, it isn't odd. I have a feeling that the reason why I've never been in a relationship has something to do with the fact that I've never asked a woman out. I have a feeling that all the women I've met in my life, not one of them believed I was interested in them. I've never communicated to a woman that I was interested in her. I know me more than anyone else, and that might be my problem.

But you are so kind, generous, sweet, caring, and compassionate. You mean no woman has ever approached you? You seem like the ultimate male! The greatest man ever! how can they resist?!?!?!

 

[jon bones]

You say the most un-funny, un-witty things. Maybe you should change your style.

bitches love my style

Holy crap, I helped someone in a Dating-Age thread? I feel proud of myself!

you should - it was a very poignant response

 

[SRG01]

Man, this is the post I needed to see today. Thanks, GAF.

Holy crap, I helped someone in a Dating-Age thread? I feel proud of myself!

 

[vitaminwateryum]

No, it isn't odd. I have a feeling that the reason why I've never been in a relationship has something to do with the fact that I've never asked a woman out. I have a feeling that all the women I've met in my life, not one of them believed I was interested in them. I've never communicated to a woman that I was interested in her. I know me more than anyone else, and that might be my problem.

Well the solution to that is clearly to be more forward about your intentions with women that you're meeting. That or you're not picking up on certain signs.

Making a connection with a woman should be the simplest, most natural thing in the world. I just get so fucking pissed off that I have a problem with it. The only natural "cure" would be for me to make a genuine connection with a woman. Once that's done, a whole world that's been closed off my whole life would suddenly be opened. That's what I need, not no "therapy/counseling" bullshit.

Also, stuff like this is pretty problematic. Your whole problem is that you can't make any sort of connection with a woman...yet you think that the magical solution that will fix everything and make it all better is to make a connection with a woman. You should start at the roots and work up from there.

 

[Chinner]

hey russell im sure everything is fine personality wise, but what about physically? post a pic man see if we can help.

 

[TurboLibre]

Well the solution to that is clearly to be more forward about your intentions with women that you meet. Either that or you're not picking up on certain signs.

What signs should you pick up? I've always been terrible at noticing that stuff.

 

[soultron]

You say the most un-funny, un-witty things. Maybe you should change your style.

Edit:
3 posts up.

Dude, easy on the duck.

You've identified a problem. Ask a girl for her number or out for coffee. Baby steps, man.

 

[vitaminwateryum]

What signs should you pick up? I've always been terrible at noticing that stuff.

Depends on the context of the situation really. Things I always keep an eye out for though are whether or not a girl is responding to my jokes, body language and how actively she's participating in the conversation. Something someone told me once is that you can tell if a person is genuinely smiling or not by paying attention to how long they hold the smile for. No clue if it's true or not, but it's something small that I always pay attention to.

 

[WyndhamPrice]

I don't have "glaring trust issues". I just have an idea of what I want my relationship to be and that ain't it. If it works for you, then more power to you. It doesn't work for me but isn't the sign of any issues. Flip the tables, because you are fine with your girl hanging out with men everyday of the week then do you have just the opposite issues? Are you totally naive and trust too much? Throwing around "glaring issues" is a bit irresponsible, IMO.

I'm fine with my girlfriend hanging out with whoever she wants because we are open about what we are doing and talk and make time for each other and we understand what is important [to us]. It's 2011, I just don't see why it's such a big deal anymore. My best friends are women. She has mostly guy friends. It has never been an issue because we accepted that reality when we started going out.

It just seems selfish to me that you would limit your partner's social life in that way. If your relationship is strong enough it should matter who your friends are.

 

[JB1981]

I'm fine with my girlfriend hanging out with whoever she wants because we are open about what we are doing and talk and make time for each other and we understand what is important [to us]. It's 2011, I just don't see why it's such a big deal anymore. My best friends are women. She has mostly guy friends. It has never been an issue because we accepted that reality when we started going out.

It just seems selfish to me that you would limit your partner's social life in that way. If your relationship is strong enough it should matter who your friends are.

I find that these types of girls (who have a lot of guy friends and spend a lot of one on one time with them) are usually really insecure attention whore hypocrites who would never let their boyfriends behave in the same way.

 

[Wellington]

Honestly, I don't cope with it because it hasn't been an issue with anyone I dated seriously. If I am dating someone seriously then it just has been understood that she isn't going to be hanging out with random guys. WTF for? I wasn't going to be hanging out with random chicks. A friend or a co-worker for lunch, yeah. But a movie, a concert, dinner? That ain't happening. Again, that's just me. I may be a jealous idiot, but that's me. I still have female friends, but keep them at a facebook distance at the most part.

Hopefully your compromise works out for you. Though it seems to me that she is still going to hang out with her friends solo and you are going to have to just 'dealwithit.jpg'

Maybe I worded my follow up post wrong. I'm just looking for advice on how to cope with jealousy issues in general. Like I said she's been sending me pics of the dresses she is considering for her birthday and I know she is going to get a lot of attention. I just don't want to be all "WTF" when she goes to the bathroom and some guy tries to say something and I notice. Let's face it, I've been that guy that has said something to girls who I didn't know were in relationships and almost got into fights.... I'm just looking to not start a fight. lol smiley here)

 

[TurboLibre]

Depends on the context of the situation really. Things I always keep an eye out for though are whether or not a girl is responding to my jokes, body language and how actively she's participating in the conversation. Something someone told me once is that you can tell if a person is genuinely smiling or not by paying attention to how long they hold the smile for. No clue if it's true or not, but it's something small that I always pay attention to.

Can you elaborate on body language? What exactly should you look out for?

 

[-ImaginaryInsider]

Your whole problem is that you can't make any sort of connection with a woman...yet you think that the magical solution that will fix everything and make it all better is to make a connection with a woman. You should start at the roots and work up from there.

This. Dating doesn't "fix" anything, if anything it can complicate things. It's been my experience when you work on the internal stuff, you stop caring so much about having a girlfriend, girls notice and they usually come after you instead.

 

[JumpJeff84]

Question: if you meet a girl online, and it goes well, should you always give her a kiss a the end?

I think I'm pretty smooth, but I still have trouble ending the first date. Think I would've learned by now. Second date I always do great, but I usually just end the first with a peck on the cheek and a hug.

Should I be goin' in for a real kiss, or is it okay to save it all for the second date?

 

[dskillzhtown]

Question: if you meet a girl online, and it goes well, should you always give her a kiss a the end?

I think I'm pretty smooth, but I still have trouble ending the first date. Think I would've learned by now. Second date I always do great, but I usually just end the first with a peck on the cheek and a hug.

Should I be goin' in for a real kiss, or is it okay to save it all for the second date?

My rule is no kiss on the first date. Kiss at the end of the second. Anything goes after that. Of course this is for women I actually cared about. The freaks could get it on the first date.

 

[Russell]

You've identified a problem. Ask a girl for her number or out for coffee. Baby steps, man.

I hear ya, man.

It would feel so good to me asking a girl out. Even if I get turned down because a woman wasn't attracted to me, I feel like I wouldn't care. That the ball would no longer be in my court, that would be so important to me. No more "what if's."

Whenever I'm interacting with someone, I care so much about their feelings. I wonder if that could be a problem for me...

 

[JumpJeff84]

My rule is no kiss on the first date. Kiss at the end of the second. Anything goes after that. Of course this is for women I actually cared about. The freaks could get it on the first date.

That's kind of the way I feel too. Seems to be a good rule.

 

[TurboLibre]

This. Dating doesn't "fix" anything, if anything it can complicate things. It's been my experience when you work on the internal stuff, you stop caring so much about having a girlfriend, girls notice and they usually come after you instead.

It depends. For some people they have outside issues they need to fix, but for others their insecurities and depression stems from the fact they're alone. I've never been able to find a relationship. I'm in pretty good shape, I'm ambitious and working on various projects, I'm funny and I've been told I'm a good looking guy. On paper, I'm a catch. The fact I've never been able to find someone who cares about me makes me feel broken in some way though. It makes me wonder if it's even possible, forcing me to doubt myself. While a relationship may complicate things in my life, it will clear some other things up and hopefully ease off some of my cynicism I've developed by being alone.

As for the second part, I've never really had that happen. I've only really cared about finding a girlfriend this past year, before I was always concentrating on other areas of my life. I don't think they've ever really come after me though, but as I said a couple posts up, I'm awful at picking up signs and differentiating from kindness and interest.

 

[WyndhamPrice]

Maybe I worded my follow up post wrong. I'm just looking for advice on how to cope with jealousy issues in general. Like I said she's been sending me pics of the dresses she is considering for her birthday and I know she is going to get a lot of attention. I just don't want to be all "WTF" when she goes to the bathroom and some guy tries to say something and I notice. Let's face it, I've been that guy that has said something to girls who I didn't know were in relationships and almost got into fights.... I'm just looking to not start a fight. lol smiley here)

You just need to be confident and know that she's yours, not the other guy's. They should be jealous of you, not the other way around. Some dude made a pass at my girlfriend at a party right in front of me this past weekend (not knowing who I was). I said nothing. We couldn't do anything but laugh after she shrugged him off.

 

[Eggo]

Whenever I'm interacting with someone, I care so much about their feelings. I wonder if that could be a problem for me...

If you care so much about other's feelings, then why do all of your posts on this page start off with "Fuck you" and "Fuck off, motherfucker fuckity fuck!" This is a serious question.

Can you elaborate on body language? What exactly should you look out for?

You need to read some books on body language. Start with something like this:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B000SEH9QG/?tag=neogaf0e-20

Then go to a bar and peoplewatch. See how guys and girls interact at a bar, and it should become apparent when a girl is interested in a guy and when she's not.

 

[Slo]

You just need to be confident and know that she's yours, not the other guy's. They should be jealous of you, not the other way around. Some dude made a pass at my girlfriend at a party right in front of me this past weekend (not knowing who I was). I said nothing. We couldn't do anything but laugh after she shrugged him off.

Right on. I get jealous like everyone else does, but if you think about it rationally, who wants to have to guard their girl from other guys? Do I have to hide my girl to keep her? What does that say? That says that either 1) she's a cock gobbler that can't help herself or 2) you're worried that she could do better than you, and it's only a matter of time until she gets a better offer.

Ideally, and I'm not saying I'm even close to being there, you'd have the attitude of "hey lady, go ahead and look around. You're not going to do better than me, so what do I care if other dudes want to fuck you?"

 

[datruth29]

Maybe I worded my follow up post wrong. I'm just looking for advice on how to cope with jealousy issues in general. Like I said she's been sending me pics of the dresses she is considering for her birthday and I know she is going to get a lot of attention. I just don't want to be all "WTF" when she goes to the bathroom and some guy tries to say something and I notice. Let's face it, I've been that guy that has said something to girls who I didn't know were in relationships and almost got into fights.... I'm just looking to not start a fight. lol smiley here)

Dude, it's all a combination of experiences, chemistry, and biology. Sadly, you have no control over that whatsoever. What important though, is recognizing WHY you feel that way, and learning to rationalize those feelings. Now, lets look at the situation that you just setup in your post. Girlfriend goes to get a drink. You spot a guy checking or out, possibly making a move for her. Now, I'm not sure about other guys, but I would guess that in general, most boyfriends will probably think along the line of "OH NO THIS MOTHERFUCKER DID NOT JUST TRY THAT SHIT! FUCK OUT OF HERE!" and envision you walking across the room and beating said man to bits and pieces to the shock and horror of the crowd.

Now, take a step back and think about this for a second. Ask yourself,

"Self, why the fuck do I want to beat this man to a bloody pulp?"

You respond. "He's talking to your girlfriend."

"Okay, yeah, but generally speaking, if a man see's an attractive, it's totally normal for them to talk to said attractive woman, no?"

"If said attractive woman is not your girl, then yes. But since it is your girl, fist to the face for his ass."

"But that doesn't make no sense, how is he suppose to know that she's taken. Presumably, my girl will tell him that she's taken and to move the fuck on."

"Well, she shouldn't be attracting men in the first place!"

"But she can't help that! She's a beautiful women!"

"So what?! She shouldn't be trying so hard to be attractive!"

"....so your saying she should ugly-fie herself...?"

"Yes....yes, that's exactly what I'm saying...."

"......That doesn't make any fucking sense -_-"

".....stfu >_>"

I'm stopping right there because I could go on forever with this (and your inner thought might well take a different line of reasoning then my example above....), but my overall point is to find the reason why you get these feelings. Like, the core, CORE reason. Is it fear that you might lose her? Is it an issue of pride? You have to be honest with yourself, and most importantly, after you find these reasons, you have to talk it out with partner so she can understand why you get like that. I have a friend who is FIERCELY jealous, and snaps on her man for any women he talks to (she also snaps on the women as well...). In the end, she admitted that she acted that way because she loved him and thought he was amazing, and was incredibly fearful of losing him. Needless to say, more conversation took place, and while she still gets jealous, she's able to control herself more, and not be the incredibly claustrophobic cloud that she always was. And that's mostly what I have to say about that topic.

Now, as far as getting rid of that feeling.....um....yeah, your gonna have to deal with it for a while xD It'll take time, and it honestly might not get better, but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't learn to handle the emotion better. Hope that helps!

 

[vitaminwateryum]

Can you elaborate on body language? What exactly should you look out for?

Heh, I've had this window open for like 20 minutes now and it's actually sort of hard to describe other than to watch and see if the other person is giving you their full attention or not.

 

[Jhoan]

I am barely functional right now and very little of what I write will probably be comprehensible but I just wanted to mention that you just need to go out. You are old enough for the bars. Get some friends together and go out. No friends? Get your brothers to go with you.

You sound like you just filling yourself with excuses for why you aren't doing anything about your situations. It's easy to do so, everyone does sometimes. But you need to stop thinking about why you are in that situation and just go out get fucked ASAP. Otherwise you are going to be a mess when it comes to women. If your virginity is on your mind every time you talk to a pretty girl you will make a complete ass out of yourself. Get laid, by any means necessary. If you wait for "love" I will kick you in your face. :lol
Once you aren't thinking about the fact you have never placed your penis inside a vagina and how hers might feel (warm and soft) and if you would cum too fast (probably) and if she will know (probably not since a lot of guys suck at sex their entire lives) and if she will hate you afterwards (probably not but even if she does who gives a shit you stuck your dick in her you win by default even if you came in 5 seconds). Don't think of your first time as magical, it wont be. Don't think of it as defining your sexual identity, it wont. Don't get mad or sad if a female doesn't like you or rejects you or blows you off, women want to want far more they want to have and you might be fun and new and interesting for a while but sometimes they just lose interest and you have to keep going and find someone else.
And remember everyone wants to have sex, from the 70 year old on viagra to the 18 year old in college to the 22 year old who is looking for a shy guy who dresses like you and has your sense of humor and outlook on life. You are not alone in your desires and wants. Don't feel embarrassed or bad about it.

Also, remember that there is a very large dating pool out there. So many people walk into a bar and think "these are my options at being happy and satisfied". It's like the world narrows for us when we step into the bar or club. We forget that thousands upon thousands of other potential dates are out there too. In other bars, clubs, restaurants, or just sitting at home.

I apologize for the late response but honestly, I was scared of seeing the responses so I procrastinated of seeing the response until now. But lot of people wouldn't be in this thread if we didn't need help so my advice to Russell is to chill out and stop getting so defensive because we're only trying to help you. And weeks after posting in this thread, I've managed to make conversation with a nurse who was taking X-rays of my teeth and asked her questions about herself, and it's extremely easy to do and I was surprised how much I got her talking so it was good practice and I also talked to my cousin mother over Xbox Live which was embarassing, but good nonetheless.

But I greatly appreciate the advice (you too PXG). I'm a better conversationalist than what I give myself credit for and it is true, school isn't the sacred place where guys can meet women, there's loads of places especially here in NYC.

Every time I talk to an attractive chick, I place a lot of pressure on myself to get her number but that sets me up for failure and it makes me sweat like crazy through the arms especially and it's happened tons of time from my childhood to now.

I do make excuses for myself for not doing things like going to my brothers' gigs, and it's kind of hard for me because I don't have people to go out with and my brothers are always busy because they have gigs almost every weekend and they complain about having not having money despite the fact that my older bro works and gets money from gigs and my oldest brother doesn't wanna work, but gets money from gigs from time to time although it's harder for him because he plays guitar and the other one plays bass and so he gets more gigs.

When I was in the Dominican Republic, I had a strong desire to pay a prostitute to have sex with her, but in the end I got scared off and never did it and the lusting is only gonna continue to get worse until I one day I decide to whack off out of the blue, but no more excuses and I promise I'm not gonna wait around for "love" to strike me with an arrow lol. Apologies for the long post.

 

[Russell]

If you care so much about other's feelings, then why do all of your posts on this page start off with "Fuck you" and "Fuck off, motherfucker fuckity fuck!" This is a serious question.

How else am I going to defend myself when I feel like I'm being disrespected?

I've never said "Fuck you" or "Fuck off" to anyone in real life. I'm the sweetest and most peaceful person you could know in real life; I abhor violence and I'm very sensitive to the suffering of others. But I wouldn't allow anyone in real life to disrespect me the way I get disrespected here.

 

[hellclerk]

How else am I going to defend myself when I feel like I'm being disrespected?

I've never said "Fuck you" or "Fuck off" to anyone in real life. I'm the sweetest and most peaceful person you could know in real life; I abhor violence and I'm very sensitive to the suffering of others. But I wouldn't allow anyone in real life to disrespect me the way I get disrespected here.

Sooooooo... you're basically just an asshole on the internet.

That doesn't really say much for you in person...

 

[Russell]

Sooooooo... you're basically just an asshole on the internet.

That doesn't really say much for you in person...

Define "asshole." But you're right -- it doesn't say much about me in person.

 

[vitaminwateryum]

Define "asshole." But you're right -- it doesn't say much about me in person.

Who the fuck are you to tell me I have internal work to do. I don't need to hear that shit. I'm healthy; I'm strong; I'm in better physical shape than most guys my age; I'm not socially inept; I'm funny.

Yeah, I get fucking pissed off at times -- when I think about it. But if you have never experienced what's it's like to experience a genuine, reciprocated, emotional-physical connection with a member of the opposite sex, then you need to shut the fuck up.

I don't like being judged in a negative manner, especially by people who don't know me. Everyone has problems. Some people are better hiding them than others.

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? Not sure why but I think it would help with the advice. You're obviously not a young kid.

 

[Slo]

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? Not sure why but I think it would help with the advice. You're obviously not a young kid.

Don't feed him.

 

[hellclerk]

Define "asshole." But you're right -- it doesn't say much about me in person.

Basically what you think it means:

Honestly, being an internet asshole doesn't really say much good about you as a person either. Anonymity doesn't effect how much of an asshole you are, but it DOES let you feel comfortable being your inner asshole. This might be your problem: a conflict between your inner nature and your social role. I'm not saying you're an asshole, but you seem to have alot of repressed aggression that would cause asshole behavior.

 

[Danielsan]

Well the girl I was seeing finally decided to end whatever it was what we were having on monday. I wouldn't really call it much of a relationship to be honest. On the one hand I'm dissapointed on the other hand I'm actually relieved. I don't feel much sadness about this one. I wasn't really in love, it was mostly a feeling of lust for her. Wanted to enjoy it for as long as I could, but didn't really got the chance with her.

Today she finally decided to tell me why she decided that she didn't want to carry on with "us" and as to be expected it was due to my lack of experience with relationships and how she could sense me being nervous at times. Definitely something that is an issue with me, but also something she very much facilitated with her behaviour. In the end I'm kinda glad it's over because she just brings way too much drama to the table about the most mundane bullshit. Just now she told me how she felt like crying because she didn't know what kind of gift to get her dad for his birthday. I mean come the fuck on. Told her to stop making a scene about stuff that ultimately really shouldn't matter all that much. She was upset about that, not my problem any more though. My only regret is that I only fucked her once and didn't get more sexual experience out of it.

Time to go back to improving myself as an individual and boosting my confidence levels again. For the time being I'm not going to look for dates. I have to improve myself in other areas of my life first. Clearly shit is never going to work the way I am now. Another girl told me last Saturday how she feels bad for me because I try so hard and am a really sweet guy, but she senses my lack of confidence with women. Harsh to hear but true.

 

[Neki]

Well the girl I was seeing finally decided to end whatever it was what we were having on monday. I wouldn't really call it much of a relationship to be honest. On the one hand I'm dissapointed on the other hand I'm actually relieved. I don't feel much sadness about this one. I wasn't really in love, it was mostly a feeling of lust for her. Wanted to enjoy it for as long as I could, but didn't really got the chance with her.

Today she finally decided to tell me why she decided that she didn't want to carry on with "us" and as to be expected it was due to my lack of experience with relationships and how she could sense me being nervous at times. Definitely something that is an issue with me, but also something she very much facilitated with her behaviour. In the end I'm kinda glad it's over because she just brings way too much drama to the table about the most mundane bullshit. Just now she told me how she felt like crying because she didn't know what kind of gift to get her dad for his birthday. I mean come the fuck on. Told her to stop making a scene about stuff that ultimately really shouldn't matter all that much. She was upset about that, not my problem any more though. My only regret is that I only fucked her once and didn't get more sexual experience out of it.

Time to go back to improving myself as an individual and boosting my confidence levels again. For the time being I'm not going to look for dates. I have to improve myself in other areas of my life first. Clearly shit is never going to work the way I am now. Another girl told me last Saturday how she feels bad for me because I try so hard and am a really sweet guy, but she senses my lack of confidence with women. Harsh to hear but true.

Good to know you're coping fine here. Just make sure she doesn't keep in contact with you in attempt to use you as an emotional boyfriend.

 

[Danielsan]

Good to know you're coping fine here. Just make sure she doesn't keep in contact with you in attempt to use you as an emotional boyfriend.

I'm coping more than fine actually. I was actually surprised how it totally didn't hit me at all. The only thing going through my mind was "well back to no sex again".
She is free to talk to me. I don't hate her or anything, but I'm going to make it pretty clear that I don't want to hear about any of her drama again. If she doesn't like that then she is free to break all contact. Either way I'm good.

 

[Eggo]

How else am I going to defend myself when I feel like I'm being disrespected?

I've never said "Fuck you" or "Fuck off" to anyone in real life. I'm the sweetest and most peaceful person you could know in real life; I abhor violence and I'm very sensitive to the suffering of others. But I wouldn't allow anyone in real life to disrespect me the way I get disrespected here.

If you can't get along with guys on the Internet, how do you expect to get along with a woman in real life? What you have presented of your online persona has not jived with how you portray yourself to be: charming, funny, nice, etc.

 

[BentMyWookiee]

You need to read some books on body language. Start with something like this:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B000SEH9QG/?tag=neogaf0e-20

Then go to a bar and peoplewatch. See how guys and girls interact at a bar, and it should become apparent when a girl is interested in a guy and when she's not.

I've read this book and would recommend it as well. I found it helpful and had a lot of fun while peoplewatching and focusing on the things this book mentions.

 

[aktham]

Problem with guys here:

1. Over think and over analyze everything.

2. Trying waaaaayyyy to hard

3. If you are social (playing games online/Gaf don't count as social) and you still feel "alone", then getting a GF will not fix anything. It will only make you a clinger/the creeper guy that won't get over his ex. You need to be comfortable with yourself as an individual.

 

[Qwerty710710]

Well I finally got some closeure with the one girl I was talking too. It felt like she was pushing me away for the past 2 weeks after our first date. She's going back to med school and she said it was going to be almost impossiable for us to contiune. She seemed very apologetic she said that she should of warned me earlier and was afraid of my reaction. She also said that she felt very bad, and she mention that I was a really nice guy. I reassured her that she did the right thing I assumed things weren't going to workout because of school and the distance I would never be able to vist her often. We both have different lifestyles, but we enjoyed our time together. The writing was on the wall I told her that I was happy that you were able to tell me the truth. We left on very good terms if you ask me,and I even mention maybe we could each other again when the time is right. I'm not gonna hold my breath on that because there is like a 98% chance we won't see each other again, but at least there is something to consider. All in all I guess it was a good stepping stone .

 

[-ImaginaryInsider]

It depends. For some people they have outside issues they need to fix, but for others their insecurities and depression stems from the fact they're alone. I've never been able to find a relationship. I'm in pretty good shape, I'm ambitious and working on various projects, I'm funny and I've been told I'm a good looking guy. On paper, I'm a catch. The fact I've never been able to find someone who cares about me makes me feel broken in some way though. It makes me wonder if it's even possible, forcing me to doubt myself. While a relationship may complicate things in my life, it will clear some other things up and hopefully ease off some of my cynicism I've developed by being alone.

As for the second part, I've never really had that happen. I've only really cared about finding a girlfriend this past year, before I was always concentrating on other areas of my life. I don't think they've ever really come after me though, but as I said a couple posts up, I'm awful at picking up signs and differentiating from kindness and interest.

Well I was in the same boat, I am decently smart and funny and had lots of friends, but never had a girlfriend or any real interest from any girl. There was a cycle of feeling sorry for myself and wrongfully reinforcing that there was a problem with me.

I started reading self-help books, started to examine my thought process, rooted out or at least toned down a lot of my self-limiting beliefs. I also began to realize even though I was funny and social, attraction is a completely different skill-set. I made some changes and girls started noticing me and responding on their own.

From my very limited experience, dating is 80% a head-game, and 20% looks or status.

If you're having problems with reading signals, buy a body-language book, then go to a public place and just observe people, I was completely clueless and I got better.

 

[Barrage]

Update.

So I ended up taking her to Lil Italy, then pretending like she "convinced" me to go to her favourite spot (instead of going to the original place that turned out to be a shithole).

The conversation was going great-we have a real easy back and forth-but I was worried during the meal. It seemed like I might be heading into the friend zone. I could tell she liked me, but there wasn't a really sexual atmosphere. I wanted to make sure she thought of me as a sexual being.

I could tell she thought I was intelligent, but does Intelligence nibble your earlobe? I could tell she thought I was funny, but does Funny make you breakfast in the morning?

So, when we were in the car outside my house, I said fuck it. Im going in, if she pulls back, OK, she thinks were buddies. If shes into it, good shit. Either way, she'll know where i'm coming from.

Long story short, she was into it.

She's too involved in school right now for me to probably date her, but it's still good to get a spark ignited, another prospect on the team.

Moral Of The Story-If you like a girl, GO FOR IT!!

 

[Yaweee]

Aaaaaand now I realize a huge part of why OKC has sucked so much for me. My town, one of the most populous cities in the state, has a theoretical map "location" as far as calculations are concerned that is at least 40 miles from where the town actually is. Really, the town next to me, the one I live 2 miles from the border of, is listed as 64 miles away as far as OKC's distance calculation is concerned.

 

[SpectreFire]

I hear ya, man.

It would feel so good to me asking a girl out. Even if I get turned down because a woman wasn't attracted to me, I feel like I wouldn't care. That the ball would no longer be in my court, that would be so important to me. No more "what if's."

Whenever I'm interacting with someone, I care so much about their feelings. I wonder if that could be a problem for me...

I think your problem might be cursing at them and giving off rapey vibes.

Try not hulking out, might do you some good.

 

[Relix]

So!

The girl who told me she liked another guy I just let her be, only talking with her and stuff like that since I am a bit of a easygoing guy. It's a girl, there are many more. So I was cool with it.

Last Tuesday on my birthday I texted her and being in drunk mode I started flirting back with me like how she used to flirt with me. As texts flew back and forth I basically told her I liked her (I was drunk, excuse me) and she replied back with a "I know". So next day I see her at college she's looking quite good, and getting really close to me physically. We didn't touch at any time what happened the previous night, it was just a casual encounter. We joked for a while, had fun, went to eat, etc like nothing had happened, but as noted before she was specifically closer than before.

I am really trying to avoid any screw ups, though we constantly chat in Facebook and stuff like that... like right now as I typed this she messaged me. What the hell am I supposed to do, I am honestly confused *insert lol smiley here

 

[BentMyWookiee]

So!

The girl who told me she liked another guy I just let her be, only talking with her and stuff like that since I am a bit of a easygoing guy. It's a girl, there are many more. So I was cool with it.

Last Tuesday on my birthday I texted her and being in drunk mode I started flirting back with me like how she used to flirt with me. As texts flew back and forth I basically told her I liked her (I was drunk, excuse me) and she replied back with a "I know". So next day I see her at college she's looking quite good, and getting really close to me physically. We didn't touch at any time what happened the previous night, it was just a casual encounter. We joked for a while, had fun, went to eat, etc like nothing had happened, but as noted before she was specifically closer than before.

I am really trying to avoid any screw ups, though we constantly chat in Facebook and stuff like that... like right now as I typed this she messaged me. What the hell am I supposed to do, I am honestly confused *insert lol smiley here

So you told her you liked her and she replied, "I know." Did she know that you liked her when she told you that she liked another guy? If so, that might have been her way of saying she's not interested.

But if she is flirting with you and you have a feeling like she's interested you could always just attempt to ask her out. If she says "yes," then you're good to go. If she says "no," then it's not a huge deal since she already knows how you feel. But if she says no and then keeps flirting, she probably just likes the attention.

 

[Relix]

So you told her you liked her and she replied, "I know." Did she know that you liked her when she told you that she liked another guy? If so, that might have been her way of saying she's not interested.

But if she is flirting with you and you have a feeling like she's interested you could always just attempt to ask her out. If she says "yes," then you're good to go. If she says "no," then it's not a huge deal since she already knows how you feel. But if she says no and then keeps flirting, she probably just likes the attention.

Nah we've gone out before. I just took my damn sweet time to make a move =P. By the way the text messages didn't exactly go like that... it was just resumed! =P

 

[hellclerk]

So!

The girl who told me she liked another guy I just let her be, only talking with her and stuff like that since I am a bit of a easygoing guy. It's a girl, there are many more. So I was cool with it.

Last Tuesday on my birthday I texted her and being in drunk mode I started flirting back with me like how she used to flirt with me. As texts flew back and forth I basically told her I liked her (I was drunk, excuse me) and she replied back with a "I know". So next day I see her at college she's looking quite good, and getting really close to me physically. We didn't touch at any time what happened the previous night, it was just a casual encounter. We joked for a while, had fun, went to eat, etc like nothing had happened, but as noted before she was specifically closer than before.

I am really trying to avoid any screw ups, though we constantly chat in Facebook and stuff like that... like right now as I typed this she messaged me. What the hell am I supposed to do, I am honestly confused *insert lol smiley here

You could ask what happened to that other guy in a snarky/flirty way next time you hang out and flirt. Her answer would give some context to how she's acting. But Caveat Amor, I knew a girl that knew one of my best friends from school liked her, and she hung out with him pretty regularly, but she held him at arms length the whole time, going out with douchebags and bros, poor bastard.

 

[JennyTablina]

So!

The girl who told me she liked another guy I just let her be, only talking with her and stuff like that since I am a bit of a easygoing guy. It's a girl, there are many more. So I was cool with it.

Last Tuesday on my birthday I texted her and being in drunk mode I started flirting back with me like how she used to flirt with me. As texts flew back and forth I basically told her I liked her (I was drunk, excuse me) and she replied back with a "I know". So next day I see her at college she's looking quite good, and getting really close to me physically. We didn't touch at any time what happened the previous night, it was just a casual encounter. We joked for a while, had fun, went to eat, etc like nothing had happened, but as noted before she was specifically closer than before.

Maybe she was hoping you would bring it up, as she was worried about talking about it herself (and possibly not sure if you remember the exchange)

Just as you might have an eye on any number of girls at one time, shes quite welcome to go fishing too. She may like another guy but she may also like you, but the only way you are gonna get out of the cute flirting stage is to get brave and ask her out. If she says no, then you finally know where you stand, if yes, well then set a date and do something nice, see where it goes.

If she says no, well the best thing really is to cut loose, as this girl will keep flirting on off with you long as she knows she can get your attention (without providing any substance). It'll detract other girls from approaching you when shes around.

 

[_Alkaline_]

Update.

So I ended up taking her to Lil Italy, then pretending like she "convinced" me to go to her favourite spot (instead of going to the original place that turned out to be a shithole).

The conversation was going great-we have a real easy back and forth-but I was worried during the meal. It seemed like I might be heading into the friend zone. I could tell she liked me, but there wasn't a really sexual atmosphere. I wanted to make sure she thought of me as a sexual being.

I could tell she thought I was intelligent, but does Intelligence nibble your earlobe? I could tell she thought I was funny, but does Funny make you breakfast in the morning?

So, when we were in the car outside my house, I said fuck it. Im going in, if she pulls back, OK, she thinks were buddies. If shes into it, good shit. Either way, she'll know where i'm coming from.

Long story short, she was into it.

She's too involved in school right now for me to probably date her, but it's still good to get a spark ignited, another prospect on the team.

Moral Of The Story-If you like a girl, GO FOR IT!!

Nice work mate.

When trying to understand a girl's body language and use it to determine whether or not she is into you, it's important to note that every girl is different. Some will be very obvious and open, others will be as reserved as they can. The latter are usually girls who do not want to be perceived as sluts - this is a huge thing for many girls because of the stigma attached to it.

This is very basic and well-known stuff obviously but sometimes you just have to take a chance on these girls. Sometimes you know a girl is definitely into you. Sometimes you know a girl is definitely not into you. But a lot of the time it's kind of in between, and in these cases take the risk.

A lot of people don't. Sometimes for valid reasons, but most of the time they should've given it a shot.

 

[Barrage]

So!

Last Tuesday on my birthday I texted her and being in drunk mode I started flirting back with me like how she used to flirt with me. As texts flew back and forth I basically told her I liked her (I was drunk, excuse me) and she replied back with a "I know".

You tryin to fuck Han Solo?

 

[Shawsie64]

Talked to a girl via online dating this morning, got her facebook and phone number in first convo.. looks pretty cute.